14
CHAPTER 14 – SOMEONE TO LIVE FOR
He'd done it. Somehow, some way, he'd done it. Rinoa was at a loss for where Squall had found the courage to go charging in at Ultimecia like that, nor the strength to rend her enchanted body in two. But as the burst of light exploded outward, she'd let it take her without fear or reservation. It was over; time compression had been broken, just as history had remembered and would remember. And as she floated weightlessly in the arms of the infinite white void, she visualized in her mind the plateau overlooking the Esthar plains.
Time… place… who I want to be with…
The light gave way to darkness. She opened her eyes and rolled over atop the rough rock surface. What she saw left her breathless – she actually could draw air into her lungs now – and gave her a powerful enough shot of adrenaline to ignore any fatigue from the battle. She scrambled to her feet and swept her eyes all around. It was all just as they'd left it.
There the Lunatic Pandora perpetually hovered in the distance. Esthar's two gunships which had led the attack were still airborne, albeit precariously dipping down; they both quickly righted themselves and zoomed up. The dozens of hovering specks clustered around, presumably the Galbadian forces, behaved no differently. Their pilots had all apparently been returned to their mechs in mid-flight with time compression's collapse. Surely, they wouldn't need any further convincing to lay down their arms.
Spinning around, the Ragnarok loomed above her, parked in place upon the plateau. Of more pressing concern were the congregation spread out all around her in its shadow. Overwhelming joy and relief rippled from head to toe as she darted her eyes between them all. It wasn't just Zell, Selphie and Irvine, but even Zell's mother, Laguna and his aides, Ellone, and Dr. Odine; several achingly pushed themselves up, vying to take stock of their surroundings.
And then, Rinoa saw her; her eyes bulged as tears threatened to come streaming down just from the sight alone. She lay by her side, limp as when her body had disappeared, and yet somehow she looked good as new. Gone were the scalding burn marks. Mended were the gashes in her outfit. She was utterly pristine, down to every last strand of golden hair. The moment her eyes flitted open, Rinoa's own lost all their strength to hold back the tears.
"Qui… Quistis?" she eked out, hoping beyond hope this wasn't just her mind playing tricks on her.
"Rinoa?" she said her name back as she sat up straight; she didn't seem to be exerting herself much, if at all. "What… what happened? Is it… are we…?"
Rinoa couldn't contain herself any longer. She dropped to her knees, fiercely wrapped her arms around Quistis, and squeezed as tightly as she could manage.
"You're alive!" she sobbed over her shoulder. "You're really… really alive!"
Quistis reciprocated the hug as celebrations kicked up among the rest of the group. Rinoa just kept clinging to her all the while. Glad as she was to see they had all made it back safely, nothing could hold a candle to Quistis' miraculous revival.
"I… guess I am."
They finally released from the embrace and looked around. All was jubilant, from their dearest comrades, to the additional SeeDs charging down the Ragnarok's boarding ramp to join the festivities. Save for Adel's beheaded corpse lying still within their presence, boundless joy was clear as day all across the plateau.
"It's bizarre," Quistis spoke to her over the ruckus. "After that blast… it was like I lost all sense of being. I couldn't see or hear anything. And all I could feel was this sort of… ebb and flow, like a wave bobbing in the ocean. It was like that for a while. And then all of a sudden, it was like my body and soul were being drained back out of wherever I was. Almost like being born all over again."
Rinoa recalled what Ultimecia had said before Squall made his charge. It seemed Quistis had indeed been consumed by time compression, only to be returned upon its collapse. Apparently, just as fate held no sway in that realm, neither could death once it had unraveled.
"Well, you look great," Rinoa said, wiping her eyes. "Do you feel alright?"
"Forget me, what about you, Rinoa? You look like a wreck!"
She glanced down at herself. As opposed to Quistis, her own outfit remained soiled and frayed from the standoff, to speak nothing of her lingering exhaustion.
You'd never guess which one of us had it worse.
"It's nothing," she insisted.
"Hey, you two!"
They both turned to see their familiar group of nine approach from amid the celebration.
"You did it!" Irvine beamed as he flashed them both a wink and a thumbs-up. "Never doubted it for a minute!"
"Oh, please!" Selphie called him out, playfully slapping his shoulder. "You were shaking in your boots the whole time, and you know it!"
"Well, when your gun up and stops working in the middle of a siege…"
The sharpshooter cut himself short. He immediately pulled his rifle over his shoulder and began inspecting it.
"If your ticker's working again, your gun should be fine," Laguna said, pounding his chest.
Rinoa brought up her own hand, and indeed felt her own heart bursting with exhilaration. How could it not? All was right with the world again, in seemingly all respects. There was truly nothing that could put a damper on her spirits now.
"Excuse me, but if I may…"
All eyes turned to Dr. Odine as he stepped forward into the midst of their revelry. Though Rinoa never would have expected him to be jumping for joy with the rest of them, his expression remained fiercely, uncomfortably stoic for the occasion.
"Sorry to interrupt your little celebration, but… I believe we seem to be missing a certain someone. Or several, for that matter."
Rinoa frantically looked around, trading glances with all the others. Only then did it hit her, as did the deep shame to follow; she'd been so taken aback by Quistis' presence that she'd hardly even bothered to consider where he had ended up.
"Where's Squall?!" Ellone finally spoke for her.
"And Matron!" Zell piped up. "And Seifer! And… well, I don't have a clue about that other guy Squall went off to the castle with, but…"
"Squall was there," Rinoa revealed to them. "He's the one who defeated Ultimecia in the end. There was another man with him, but he… he didn't make it."
She trailed off as she realized how little she actually knew of the circumstances which had brought Squall there. Seeing as Quistis had been returned to life, there was a chance the same might hold true for that strange, five-armed swordsman. Who he was or where Squall had met him were a complete mystery, however.
"Any ideas, doc?" Laguna asked Odine. "Where do you think they could have landed?"
"What are you asking me for?" the doctor responded. "How am I supposed to know? It seems wherever your son has ended up must be a place of his own choosing, his own desire at the moment time compression ceased to be. Do you expect me to read his mind?"
"Maybe I can," Ellone volunteered.
"No," Rinoa said to her. "There's no need. I know where he is."
She reached for the chain necklace, but then remembered; it had been shattered, and no longer hung around her neck. She next dipped her hand into her dress pocket, and drew out the ring into the palm of her hand. She was just thankful it had reverted back after the lion had been slain, and not crumbled to pieces.
"Let's get going."
"Uh… where to?" Zell asked.
"To the orphanage," she answered, closing her fist around the ring and heading for the Ragnarok. "That's where he'll be. I'm sure of it."
'If you come here, you'll find me'. I believe in you, Squall.
A barren, desolate plane of existence. Those had been Gilgamesh's exact words. Now bearing witness to the Interdimensional Rift firsthand, Squall saw there was indeed no more fitting description. Everywhere he looked, cragged wasteland trailed far into the distance without an end in sight. Swirling grey mist blanketed the sky, with no sun, moon, nor stars shining down from above. He logically shouldn't have been able to see anything at all. That he could did him no favors in determining a heading; the terrain was completely uniform, absent any landmarks to keep himself directionally oriented.
Do I just start walking?
To wander aimlessly had been Gilgamesh's only option. Where or when another portal might appear had never been within his control. Such was not the case for Squall; so long as he had Zantetsuken, and the means and know-how to make use of its power, he would do so. Mustering strength of both spirit and mind, he sliced through the air to form yet another portal. Where this one would lead him, he had no idea. Neither could he guess how many he would need to open before he found his home again.
Let's just take it one at a time.
Resigning himself to a long, arduous journey into worlds unseen, he stepped on through.
"The portal closed behind him," Edea explained. "I don't know where he ended up after that."
Quistis stayed silent, despite how many more questions she desperately wanted to ask.
They'd all arrived back at the orphanage within a matter of hours. Upon landing, Edea and Cid had come out to welcome and congratulate the lot of them. The couple had been absent their usual White SeeD escort, who all remained stationed on the house's upper level with Seifer to keep him under constant surveillance. None of it had been a surprise by the time they got there. Ellone had still sought to junction herself and Laguna to both Squall and Edea along the way. Though connecting with the latter had presented no problems, the same could not be said for their still missing commandant; any attempt to link with his most recent memories apparently went no further than the moment time compression took hold.
Their only reassurance he was still alive had come from their continued probing of Edea's mind. Together, the lot of them, absent Zell who'd elected to accompany his still-rattled mother by the flower field, had all filed into the orphanage common hall to hear it from Edea herself. Her story hadn't disappointed in the slightest; coming from anyone else, Quistis would have dismissed it as the ravings of a lunatic. By some stroke of luck, or more likely fate, Squall and Ultimecia had traveled 13 years into the past with the time compressed realm's dissolution. Rather than passing on her power however, Hyne himself had emerged with the sorceress' dying breath, to entrust Edea with her life-long mission before taking his leave. With Rinoa on hand to provide context, the full timeline of events was now clear to all. And with Dr. Odine's unexpected knowledge of the void he'd disappeared into, they now had a lead on Squall's location.
I wouldn't say it's much of one…
"All these years, I've waited to see what would bring him back there," Edea went on. "I've kept it all a secret for so long."
"Even from me!" Cid cut in. "I always wondered where this idea for SeeD came from out of the blue."
"Would you have believed me?"
"I'm quite certain not even I would have," Odine said. "Not before today. So then, as I understand it, he has yet to re-emerge from the Interdimensional Rift. That must be why Ellone can no longer reach him. He no longer exists in this reality at all, but in the margin between all time and space."
"And how's he supposed to get back?" Selphie broached the most important question of all.
"If there really are as many alternate realities as that man claimed, there's very little chance he ever will."
"Bullshit!" Laguna roared. He slammed his fist against the wall in rage. "I'm not gonna take that for an answer!"
"Whether you accept it or not changes nothing. His odds of randomly stumbling back into this world are as close to zero as can be. And if the legend is true… if Zantetsuken's power truly comes with the cost of…"
Odine's musings trailed off into silence. Quistis waited patiently for him to go on; she only vaguely remembered poring over the legend of King Odin at some point in her scholarly studies, and no longer retained most of the key details.
The sorceress part was true enough. That I'll never forget…
"Well, there has to be some way we can go there and bring him back!" Ellone shouted; usually so proper and demure, her sudden outburst was perhaps one of the most shocking turns yet.
"There might be," Rinoa said.
The moment Quistis turned to her, she intuitively knew this was more than just a hunch. And moreover, that it was something Rinoa was determined to try no matter the risks; her face said it all.
"Something else you picked up from Ultimecia?" she prodded.
"That's right," Rinoa answered with a nod. "Whenever she would teleport from point to point in this world, there was always some space between she had to pass through. If that's the same void between dimensions we're talking about, then maybe…"
Quistis could still vividly recall how Edea had disappeared into a portal of darkness herself. If she and Rinoa possessed the power and know-how to do the same, there was indeed a path forward.
"Utter folly!" Odine interrupted her. "You've never actually performed this incantation before, correct? Setting aside the astronomically small chance of actually finding him, who's to say you wouldn't end up stuck there yourself?"
"If there's any chance at all, I'm prepared to take it," Rinoa doubled down. "I'm not leaving Squall to die in there."
Hear, hear.
"Birds of a feather," the doctor sighed as he turned away in frustration.
"I'm coming with you," Quistis finally spoke up. "Two can cover more ground. Teach me the method."
"I… don't know if I can," Rinoa hesitantly replied.
"What's that supposed to mean?!"
Just as Rinoa refused to abandon Squall, Quistis would never stand to let her go off by herself. Neither would she accept being deemed a liability off the back of one unfortunate mistake.
"Is it because of what happened with Ultimecia?" she asked.
"Well… yes," Rinoa admitted. "But, maybe not for the reason you-"
"I knew the risks then, and I know them now. We went in there to finish the job together. And that's how we're going to bring back Squall. As long as we both share the same power, I'm not just going to sit around here and do nothing."
"But do we?"
"Wh-what?"
Now Quistis was lost. What could she have possibly meant by that?
"'As long as we both share the same power'," Rinoa repeated. "Are you sure about that?"
Are you joking?
She could hardly tell if the statement were meant as an insult. Whatever the case, it was all the motivation she needed to prove herself. She brought up her hand and focused her energy into it as she'd done time and again. Yet however hard she concentrated, nothing formed; not fire, not lightning, holy, ice, nor any other element sprang forth from her palm. She furrowed her brow, straining harder than ever, but to no avail. It had taken nowhere near this much effort at any point up to the battle with the lion.
"I thought so," Rinoa spoke again. "Looks like there are some things that can't be undone, after all."
"What's wrong with…?!" she muttered through gritted teeth.
"Breaking the time compression reversed your death, but you'd already passed your power on to me. I still have it now. So, when you were brought back, you were re-formed without it. Quistis… you're no longer a sorceress."
A hefty weight lifted itself from Quistis' shoulders. All the built up stress and strain evaporated on the spot as she stopped tensing. Instantly, she felt about ten pounds lighter. She darted her eyes all around the room, from one person to the next; each and every one besides Rinoa looked utterly amazed. Only as she met Edea's stare did the enormity of it all hit. Just as her, she'd by some miracle been set free from a cursed existence, one that she'd resigned herself to face for the rest of her days. She'd been given her life back. Despite it all, however, the joy welling up within her couldn't offset the hopelessness it brought along; she was now utterly useless to help Rinoa or Squall.
"I'm so… torn," she finally admitted, hanging her head. "Rinoa… I just… I can't let you do this on your own. Dr. Odine's right. What if you don't make it back? We need you here. I need…"
A hand grabbed her by the shoulder before she could break down. She looked up to find Rinoa compassionately staring back at her.
"Listen to me, Quistis," she softly started. "I don't know what the future holds for me and Squall. But I do know what it holds for you. The world still needs you more than it needs me. And that's all I'm going to say about that."
The gears turning in her head suddenly stalled. Rinoa's cryptic words only gave her further pause. Hadn't Ultimecia implied something to the same effect?
"But I promise you it won't matter," she continued. "I will find Squall, and I will bring him back. Trust me."
At a loss for what to do, and for however loudly her better judgment protested, Quistis nodded. She then wrapped her arms around her with firmness to match the embrace they'd shared on the plateau; in all likelihood, it could be the last one they ever shared. Rinoa reciprocated, and then after a few moments, let go. One after another, the rest of their crew bade her farewell, most with a smile, others fraught with worry. Rinoa seemed to take it all in stride.
"Thank you, everyone," she said. "See you in a bit."
She closed her eyes. For several moments, there was no change; all those present collectively held their breath. And then the dark mist began to coalesce, just as it had around Edea. It thickened as it swirled up and around her body, soon enveloping her from head to toe. Any trace of her figure disappeared from sight. And as the darkness finally receded and faded away, she was gone.
Good luck, Rinoa. If anyone can make it through to him, it's you. I knew that from the start…
Innumerable were the portals he'd opened. Equal were the number of strange new worlds they'd each brought him to. Sparse was his time spent in any given one; it usually took no more than a few minutes to realize it was not the one he knew. But scarcest of all was his hope now. It had diminished little by little with each successive tear he made into the fabric of reality. All the while, his fatigue only continued to mount. Even swinging Zantetsuken soon became too burdensome; it somehow seemed so much heavier the more he put it to use. He naturally could not bear to carry Excalibur any longer by then, and in his decision to forge through the Interdimensional Rift on foot, he had abandoned it altogether.
Tired beyond all measure, Squall trudged on without a destination. His wristwatch had been destroyed during the battle with Ultimecia, leaving him with no way to tell just how long he'd wandered; it might have been hours, or even days. Occasionally, he would summon forth what strength he still had to cleave yet another portal open; such was his only means to avail his aching stomach and parched throat. No matter what form of sustenance he found from other worlds however, none of it seemed to reinvigorate his stamina. And upon returning to the rift, his trek was no easier for it. He'd yet to see a single portal manifest on its own through it all.
How did Gilgamesh survive here?
The strange man's never-ending quest was now his to bear. Squall took no pride in carrying on his legacy in such a way; it would only be a disservice to his dying wish should he spend the rest of his days condemned to the same fate. There was also the promise he'd made to his younger self to consider; he'd assured him all would be fine, that he would live to see the day that all turned out well for him and the future to come.
Did I… really just lie to myself?
He could not and would not allow himself to fail that boy. Nor would he leave Edea and his dearest friends and family eternally wondering what had become of him. And on top of it all, he had another, equally important promise to keep.
Wait for me, Rinoa…
The darkness cleared, depositing her upon a vast cragged landscape as she broke the connection prematurely. On and on it stretched to meet the horizon, just as Ultimecia had glimpsed in some of her earliest endeavors with the spell. She had no heading, no sense of direction, and above all, no time to dawdle.
Hang in there, Squall… I'm coming.
Rinoa tore off straight ahead; no one direction was a less valid avenue to take than any other. Onward she jogged, pacing herself as best she could. Her physical conditioning had improved significantly since she'd started training with Squall at Balamb Garden; before, she would have been winded after just a few minutes. This however, was a race without any clearly defined finish line, whether in terms of distance or location, nor even a set route. She was literally running in blind. Still, she was prepared to keep going for however long it took to find him. She physically could not die until passing on her power, and would gladly take advantage of that facet if need be.
Just don't you die on me first!
Each footfall now carried the weight of an anvil. The already sluggish pace he'd struggled to maintain for however long had devolved to a pitiful shuffle. Keeping his head up was difficult enough. He hadn't the will to even attempt lifting Zantetsuken now, lest he lose his balance and topple over; should he fall, he would perhaps never rise again. His only hope was that a portal might finally open of its own accord somewhere nearby. He would gladly take it to wherever it might lead, and spend as much time as necessary in that world until he had recovered. No matter his desperation, the Interdimensional Rift refused to grant his wish. There was only one thing which kept him going now.
Rinoa…
Her pace only quickened as time ticked on. She turned her head every which way, dying to catch even a glimpse of him out in the distance, but there was nothing. She ran and ran, ignoring the pleas of her legs to slow down for even a short respite; she could not and would not obey. The nightmare she'd most feared, the one she'd shared with him on the day they'd made their promise, had come true. The moment she let herself stop running, the moment she could no longer find the strength to go on, just as in her dreams, all would be lost. She knew she would break down in tears just the same, only to find that this time, there was no waking up. Her nightmare would persist forever. She would no longer have the will to keep on running, in this world or any other.
Squall…
Rinoa…
Squall!
He could go no further. He slumped to his knees, letting Zantetsuken fall from his hand. His vision blurred as the last of his strength left him. It was over. For all his determination, he had failed to find his way home. If nothing else, he was content to have put an end to Ultimecia's ambitions, for the sake of all mankind. As Hyne had told him, his part in this story was over.
I just wish… it had a happy ending…
He regretted only that he couldn't be there to keep his promise to Rinoa. As he allowed his exhaustion to take him, he swore he could even see her there in the distance, racing his way. A single tear streaked down his face from his eye. She looked like an angel to him. Perhaps she even was. And if there were indeed a next life, then there was at least the chance they might meet again, one day. It was the only hope he had left now, and just enough to die content with.
See you there… Rinoa…
"Squall!"
Rinoa screamed his name as he toppled over from his knees and fell. As she reached him, knelt down, flipped him over, and pulled him into her arms, his body had gone completely limp. His face was still in horrible shape from the beating Ultimecia had served him, his clothes still tattered from the blast that had killed his companion.
"Squall… Squall, I'm here! Please, wake up!"
It was no use. He remained immobile, unresponsive, and utterly lifeless. His face was positively frigid as she brushed away his hair to feel; a single tear lingering upon his cheek was the only faint trace of warmth left. There was no telling how long he'd wandered. Or worse still, how much he'd used Zantetsuken's power, unknowingly sapping away his own every time; she'd recalled the legend the moment Odine had revealed the name of the sword, and immediately recognized the danger. It might have been one time too many. She could perhaps heal his physical wounds with some effort. To restore what strength the blade had drained from him was a different matter, however; she'd never thought to look for such an incantation in Ultimecia's mind, and had no time to rack her brain for one that might not be there.
"Squall… please…" she whimpered.
She held tight to him, burying her head into his chest. Had she really been just that little too late? Had she run so hard and so far into the void for nothing? Was their future together, the one she'd dreamed of and hoped with all her heart for, not meant to be? Could fate, for all its blessings, be so cruel to them in the end?
No…
And then, she felt it: a heartbeat. It was faint, slow, but undeniably there. Squall was still alive for the moment. Tears of joy welled in her eyes as her determination returned to her, tenfold. It hadn't been for nothing. It wouldn't be for nothing. If her knowledge of the sorceress power was insufficient to heal him, then surely Edea had the answer. Setting aside all relief, joy, and sorrow alike, she focused on only one thing.
Let's go home, Squall. To where we belong. To where we promised. You've always been there to save me. Now… now it's my turn to save you!
She envisioned the flower field, vying with all her willpower to re-emerge from the Interdimensional Rift there. From the glistening golden petals, to the orphanage's ruined facade standing watch by its side, she fought to mentally replicate it all down to the smallest detail. She wrenched her eyes shut lest she break concentration for even a moment. Squall's figure, now much too lean and frail, was her only constant. She clung to him as fiercely as he had to her when they'd hurtled through space together. Now, just as then, they were alone, facing everything reality could throw at them head on.
As long as I'm with you…
Finally, light came seeping in beneath her eyelids. She opened them, and looked all around. Radiant nature extended out from where they lay. The sun shone down from above more brilliantly than ever. The flowers swayed and bobbed as a gentle breeze crested the land, casting some of their petals to the wind. Even Zantetsuken just beside, having been transported along with them, gleamed all the brighter; by some trick of the light, several ethereal wisps seemed to lift off the bloodstained metal and rise into the air with the petals. And there, just across the way, the orphanage and the Ragnarok sat opposite one another. They were back.
"Hey!"
She turned her head to see Zell racing toward her. His mother trailed behind, obviously unable to match her son's athleticism.
"Where'd you just come from?" he called as he drew close. "Is… is he…?"
"Go get Edea!" she yelled back, shooing him away. "And Odine! And everyone! Now! Hurry!"
The anxiety in her voice must have done the trick; the two spun right back around and bolted for the orphanage. Turning to Squall, she harnessed the holy energy in the palm of her hand, ready to give her best shot at mending his wounds. Steadily, she hovered it over the side of his battered face, as Xu and Selphie had each done for her own injuries previously.
The bruising upon his cheek faded rapidly under the glow. Turning his head to face straight up, she prepared to move to his broken nose next, when she stopped herself. The scar he'd had for as long as she'd known him remained right there upon the bridge; despite her better judgment, she somehow couldn't bring herself to risk mending that one. Instead, she elected to proceed downward along the rest of his body.
As she proceeded to strip him of what was left of his jacket and undershirt, a weak groan reached her ears. His arm slowly moved, rising to shield his eyes from the sun. She froze, blinked her own, and watched with awe as he craned his neck to her.
"Ri… Rinoa?" he groggily spoke her name.
There was no holding back the tears now; she brought her other hand down to stroke his hair as they spilled forth. And as the whole gang came running onto the scene from the house entrance, she found a reason to smile again.
"It's alright, Squall," she said to him. "You're home."