Warning: this chapter should be rated M because I use a version of Snow White where someone is supposed to eat someone else's internal organs. My description doesn't go into detail and it's more cartoonish than graphic, but it's still a pretty gruesome idea and not one that I'd want to read more than a few sentences of myself. Please feel free to sit this one out if you wish!

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Snow Rei

Rei never found it pleasant to be around the Second Children, and it seemed logical to her that the Second would also experience this feeling when they were together. What Rei could not understand was the strength of the emotions she often displayed on these occasions. It was disproportionate to the strength of the non-pleasant feeling. Perhaps Pilot Soryu was defective in some way?

Similarly, it could be possible that Rei was defective in some way. The previous day, a meeting had taken place between Rei, Ikari, Soryu and Captain Katsuragi. Rei had asked a question of Captain Katsuragi which had prompted Pilot Soryu to shout, "Use your imagination!" at her. Rei thought that she had used her imagination. Isn't it called "using your imagination" when you think of hypothetical scenarios?

Apparently not. Earlier today, Pilot Soryu approached Ayanami Rei with a book. She thrust it towards her and said, "Here! Since you have trouble using your imagination."

"What is this?" asked Ayanami. "Fairy tales," replied Soryu, "can you not use your eyes either?"

Ayanami Rei interpreted this as an unspoken command to read the book as a form of training in effective imagination use. Commands existed to be obeyed.

Reading fiction was sometimes challenging for Rei; the knowledge that all the information was untrue tended to make it harder to process it. However, the story of Snow White, who had skin as white as snow and lips as red as blood, held her interest. People had said before that Rei's skin was white as snow, or that her eyes were red as blood.

She had pondered the meaning of "Ayanami Rei" before. What if Snow White were Ayanami Rei?

Once upon a time, there was a king and a queen. King Ikari and Queen Yui. Queen Yui injured herself one day while sitting by a window and bled onto some snow that lay on the black windowsill. She looked at the blood and said, "I wish I could have a daughter with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood and hair as black as ebony."

You cannot always get what you want. Queen Yui had a son with hair as brown as chocolate.

I was created by King Ikari as an alternative, although the only criterion I meet is having skin as white as snow. However, my eyes are as red as blood. My name is Ayanami Rei. That means "Snow White" in fairy language.

Queen Yui died some time later and a wicked scientist took on the role of my stepmother. This was not a straightforward appointment as I had no conclusive evidence that she and the king had consummated a common-law marriage. The scientist frequently smoked cigarettes, a typical post-coital behaviour, but sometimes she would smoke two in quick succession while fully clothed. Additionally, I never heard King Ikari ask her how she liked her eggs in the morning. Nevertheless, she contributed to my growth and development and I decided that this qualified her for the maternal role.

The wicked scientist was very beautiful, but also insecure. Every morning, she would ask her supercomputer, "Magi, Magi, on the wall, who does Ikari love most of all?" Until I turned fourteen, the Magi answered: "You, Dr Akagi," and her self-esteem remained intact. But one day, the answer was "Ayanami Rei" and the scientist was very upset.

My wicked stepmother hired an assassin. "Kaji," she instructed him, "please take Rei into the deep, dark woods and strangle her. As proof of her killing, please bring me back her lungs so that I can eat them with salt. I am hungry."

Mr Kaji and I travelled to a particularly deep, dark area of the woods, where he put his hands around my neck. "Why are you doing this?" I asked him.

"Dr Akagi wants me to kill you."

"Okay. That is fine by me," I replied. Suddenly, I noticed that he had a knife. This seemed incongruous with his killing method, so I asked him what it was for.

"It's for cutting out your lungs so that Dr Akagi can eat them later." I felt nausea and the need to cry. "She wants to eat my organs?"

My facial expression tugged at Mr Kaji's heartstrings and he let go of me. "I can't do it, Ayanami. Run away, as far as you can."

I ran away. Mr Kaji returned to my stepmother with a set of lungs from another being and she tucked in. "Delicious," said Dr Akagi.

I ran deeper into the woods until I reached a house inhabited by seven people, whose identities were based on being of average height and having a particular character trait. Their names and classifications were as follows:

Grumpy: Soryu Asuka Langley
Happy: Hyuuga Makoto
Sleepy: Suzuhara Tohji
Sneezy: Katsuragi Misato
Dopey: Aoba Shigeru
Bashful: Horaki Hikari
Medic: Ibuki Maya. She received this designation as she knew where the bandages were kept.

The seven were initially surprised and upset to find me in their house. After some time, however, we lived in harmony until the day my wicked stepmother asked an unfortunate question of her supercomputer.

"Good morning, Magi! Isn't it a great day for Snow White to not be alive?"

"Ayanami is alive. She lives happily in a woodland cottage with seven people of average height."

"What!?"

"And you're stupid. Just like your mother."

The revelation shattered the scientist's self-esteem and ruined her morning. She immediately set about trying to think of another way she could kill me.

She decided that she would masquerade as an old hag who sold fruit and feed me a poisoned apple. To disguise herself as an old hag, she changed her hair to brown and she cried because she did not like it.

My wicked stepmother came to the door and I answered it, not recognising her with brown hair. I was happy that the old hag wanted to share her delicious-looking apple with me. I took one bite and fell into a coma, although I appeared to be dead. "Ritsuko!" cried Sneezy, pointing a gun at my stepmother. "That'll be ¥150, dearie," she replied.

All seven people of average height were angry that I had died. Medic presented my stepmother with a pair of shoes forged from red-hot iron. "My queen," she said, face flushed, "here are some new shoes!"

"Thank you, Maya," replied my stepmother and put them on. Her face immediately contorted in pain and she was unable to walk properly because of the heat of the shoes. "Ow, ow, ow," she said, hopping and dancing. She hopped and danced around in no specific direction until she fell into the orange sea and drowned.

Then, Prince Shinji, whose hair was as brown as chocolate, appeared and cried over my lifeless body. "Ayanami!" he screamed, then he kissed my forehead while tears streamed down his face. The prince's kiss contained true love, which somehow brought me back to life. Science does not always hold all of the answers.

Everyone who remained alive at this point lived happily ever after.

Rei's phone rang, snapping her out of a trance-like state. She picked it up. "Ayanami Rei speaking."

"Hi Rei, it's Ritsuko. Where are you? You were supposed to arrive for testing half an hour ago. This isn't like you!"

"I understand, Stepmother. I will be there shortly. I apologise for the inconvenience."

"Huh? Did you just call me 'stepmother'?" Rei giggled and ended the call.

—

Okay, I like Ritsuko, but I had no idea I was going to make so much of this about her. Sorry, Ritsuko dislikers.

I mainly based this off the Wikipedia page for Snow White, but I used the page for the 1937 Disney film as well. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is the origin of the dwarves' names, and I just had to use them!

Thanks for reading my first proper attempts at fanfiction!