Chapter CXXI

Ally or Enemy?

Back home, we change into a dry spare of clothes, purging the chill of the rain off our frozen bodies. I settle into the bed, on the sheets, and Naruto lays down, resting his head on my thighs; at that, he cuddles the stuffed Kakashi. My gentle fingers through his hair soothe him. Little by little, despite the night, he finds a semblance of sleep to recover from his emotions.

Naruto remembered something … and it was obviously too soon for him. At the time, I subjected him to the bell test a second time. He was teaming up with Sakura and used one of my weaknesses against me to steal them. Afraid of hearing the end of my favourite novel, I slammed my hands over my ears and closed my eyes. I was motionless and vulnerable; they stole them without difficulty. Just now, a similar pattern occurred. Bewitched by his genjutsu, I was motionless and vulnerable. His brain must have made a connection with one of his old, forgotten memories, or even several.

I don't know what he could have possibly remembered to put himself in such a state, to the point of attacking me… My arm still hurts, I have a broken rib, and I think I have a punctured lung; I've been having a little trouble breathing ever since… He may have confused several events. Naruto has a tendency to make dubious connections, after all.

Sadly, Naruto isn't ready to come out…

You're so close … yet so far…

I sigh. Although I dream more than anything in the world of him returning to my side, I must be patient, even if the wait is painful. I can't force him; I'd be acting in my own best interests and not his…

Maa! For now, that's not my priority. I'm summoned to the depths of my mind. I'm about to discover the mysteries of this darkness within me. My heart races; my fingers are trembling.

The time has come.

I take a deep breath before meditating. I repeat the same ritual as last time. My body slows down; my mind goes blank. In this realm of darkness, I fall very gently, as if I was as light as a cloud. In the distance, I glimpse a source of light. As I try to grasp it, it immediately evaporates. When my feet touch the ground, I open my eyes.

I'm here.

I recognize this forest of white birch trees covered in snow and moss, these frosty grounds on which rest a sparkling powder, and this nonexistent black sky, made invisible by the thick foliage. The winter cold whips my bare skin. White smoke is expelled after each breath. I'm barefoot … and I don't take long to shiver. I've forgotten that the temperature of this place affects me as it does in reality. I should have put on shoes and covered myself before arriving here. All in all, this phenomenon intrigues me; this cold isn't real, although what I feel demonstrates otherwise.

This time, it's snowing. I hold out my open palm, and the snowflake melts beneath my warmth. Since the sky is completely obscured, I wonder how they manage to slip between the leaves and branches; the treetops are so dense…

Then, I sense a presence behind me. I can't help but feel on edge. I'm not afraid, but I still remain cautious. Turning around, I see it, this darkness within me. In front of this opening carved into the side of a mountain, it's there, watching me with its single, empty, white eye. It takes on the unstable, crude form of a wolf; a veritable black shadow that undulates like flames. As soon as our eyes meet, it turns on its heel to disappear into this den.

My extremities go numb, and my teeth begin to chatter. I rub my hands together, blowing air to warm them. I examine this entrance, which isn't covered in snow. This is where this entity lurks. This must be its refuge—its home, and it's inviting me to join it. I can't explain it, but I feel it.

I venture inside. Despite the total darkness, I can see as if it were daylight. Every step I take resonates. The closer I get, the faster my heart races; my breath follows the pace in my chest. Nevertheless, I remain calm and move forward with determined steps.

I stop. This darkness is a few metres away, facing me. It has taken on this horribly disturbing and familiar humanoid form. Analyzing it more closely, I feel like it's wearing my appearance, as if I were in front of a macabre and cursed mirror, projecting a distorted image of myself. It's sitting cross-legged on the floor. Obviously, it wants me to do the same.

I swallow before sitting down in front of it, imposing two metres. My throat is tight; I don't dare to speak … and it remains silent; it, too, hesitates to speak. The awkwardness quickly becomes uncomfortable, and if I have to make the first move, I don't know where to start to break the ice.

I manage to loosen my vocal cords after what feels like an eternity. "Um… Hmm… Tell me… Why do you sometimes take on the appearance of a wolf...?" I ask.

'That's a lame question. Couldn't you have thought of something else?' I grumble to myself.

Unexpectedly, it widens its visible eye. "Oh? Is that what a wolf is?" it asks, blinking several times … well, I think so…

"You… You didn't know?" I ask incredulously.

Its featureless face relaxes and returns to an expressionless, tired look. "No. Running and moving like a quadruped is faster and less exhausting. I didn't realize I was taking a wolf form."

As Inoichi pointed out. This darkness doesn't have a form, strictly speaking—on the contrary, it can assume whatever form it chooses, whatever is most practical depending on the situation. It prefers to move on all fours… Is that why Naruto has a tendency to do so? Besides, it looks like some kind of ghost. I wonder if I could pass through it… Well… I don't want to invade its personal space to find out… I could ask it, but I'm afraid my time with it is limited.

"I see. Why did you keep me waiting?" I continue, narrowing my eyes. "I think you understand that I wanted to speak with you."

Its gaze avoids mine, focuses on the ground. I frown; I have trouble interpreting its reaction and body language. The fact that it's a solid black that hides its limbs and features doesn't help at all.

"I had to make sure you weren't my enemy," it reveals, returning my gaze.

"What do you mean?"

A silence.

"I was afraid of you…"

What? It… It was afraid of me? Yet, I was the one who was afraid of it. By its tone of voice, it's not lying. Its emotions shine through like an open book.

"I didn't come forward or seek contact with you because I was afraid of you," it continues. "I could feel it. When our eyes first met, I became afraid. You weren't receptive to my presence. I feared you might want to harm me. I intended to hide longer … but the powers of the Moon ruined everything."

It's referring to the full moon. As expected. Without that event, neither I nor anyone else would have discovered its existence. From what I understand, the full moon forced it to manifest, to take my place… At least, it's able to tell me what happened, though I'm afraid to know the truth.

"You know… When I discovered you existed, I was afraid of you too," I reveal sincerely. "I thought you were evil and driven by bad intentions." I pause. As for this darkness, it remains silent. "What happened on that full-moon night?"

"I don't know."

"Huh?! Excuse me?!" I say indignantly. "Don't take me for an idiot! You took my place that night! You must have the answers!"

This entity remains unmoved, doesn't react to my words, and is content to remain impassive. It just holds my gaze. "And you? Do you know what happened?" it retorts calmly.

"How could I know? You took my place. You were in control of my body!"

It lets out a deep sigh. I can't help but glare at it and be suspicious now.

"I didn't take your place. We were both in control."

"What do you mean?"

"We can merge," it corrects, holding up two hands, and in each, it creates a ball of black glowing energy. "At its peak, the Moon's powers force us to merge with each other." The two energy sources merge to form one. "We were both making decisions. When the connection is made, we share the same mind, becoming 'one.'"

What is it blabbering about?! "What are you talking about? What do you mean, we 'blend'?"

"That's just how it is. I don't have the answer."

"If… If what you say is true… If we were both conscious, in control… Why don't you or I remember anything?"

"It was the first time the connection was made, and against our will. I suppose the connection was too unstable to register anything in our memories. Besides, it was the first time we received the gift of the Moon. It must have been too intense for us…" Saying this, it looks up.

"What do you—"

"Silence," it interrupts me abruptly, returning a fleeting glance. "I'm thinking, trying to find an explanation that will resonate with you. I still have trouble using our brains."

I sulk and agree to wait. As best I can, I suppress the tremors that assail my entire being; I keep my cool, so as not to sink into panic. I don't understand anything anymore. All my hypotheses are shattered one after the other. If what it says is true… We decided to … "kill" someone. I would never do such a thing. Why would I agree to do that? To make matters worse, it doesn't know anything either … unless it's lying to me. If so, it doesn't let anything show. That said, a part of me wants to believe it and trust it.

Besides. What does it mean about my brain, our brain, at that?

After an indeterminate amount of time, it finally looks back at me with its blank stare. "Think of it as a drunken binge followed by a blackout. Too intoxicated, the brain no longer functions very well and limits its functioning, focusing on essential tasks. That's what must have happened to us."

I hold my breath; a cold sweat slides down my temple. It's only now that I realize how intelligent it is, and it worries me a little.

It narrows its eye. Is it sensing my fear...?

"Why are you terrified?"

It definitely sensed it. I remain silent, maintaining eye contact…

It sighs. "I won't hurt you," it assures me in a soft voice. "I won't take your place if that's what bothers you."

"That's not your intention…?" I ask cautiously.

"My life as it is suits me. I don't go hungry. I can sleep as much as I want and do as I please. You've never prevented me from connecting to the outside world or your brain. Taking your place means giving up my comfort and accepting all the baggage that entails. Besides… Humans will notice and get rid of me if I did such a thing. It's not in my best interest, and I have no interest whatsoever. To be honest… Your life is exhausting. And Naruto… How can I put this… He doesn't like me at all."

What it's telling me is not only logical, but also sincere. I didn't expect it to be satisfied with its current life, immersed in the twists and turns of my mind. Apparently, this entity is lazy and doesn't have to do much while I'm here. Was I mistaken about it? Was I wrong to believe it was like Naruto's, driven by bloodlust and evil intentions?

After all, since I discovered its existence, it's helped me more than once and has always acted in my best interests… However, this "brain" matter makes me anxious, just like this mention of my student…

"Indeed… If you took my place, we'd get rid of you immediately. By Naruto, what do you mean by that?"

"As soon as I show up and take up too much space, he violently banishes me and forces me to take refuge here for a while…"

"Really? How come?"

"He has power over me, and I can't resist him. It is what it is."

Well, well. That's interesting… Naruto can subdue this entity and repel it. Is it because he's the one who put it in me that he's capable of such a thing? Very likely. This further justifies this darkness's refusal to take over my body and take my place. If it were to do so, Naruto would banish it immediately and free me from its hold. Since Naruto has to fight his every day, that explains why he doesn't like mine; he must believe it's just as evil…

Naruto has power over me, just as I have power over him… Maa, in a way. That reassures me. If necessary, he can protect me from this darkness. I wish I could do the same for him…

"Do you think I could have power over the darkness within Naruto?"

"The one who submits has no power over the one who dominates them," it sighs painfully, as if I'd just asked a stupid question. "Neither I nor you have nor will have any power over Naruto. We can only submit to him if he commands us to."

I don't like the words it uses at all… I went from prey to submissive; he went from predator to dominant… Dominant and submissive instead of predator and prey… Put like that, it's super unhealthy… I don't know what it really means by that…

With dread, I realize that Naruto has already forced me to submit to him … and he might do it again. From this darkness, there's nothing I can do. I feel like Naruto has adopted me, as if I were a domesticated human now. That thought doesn't delight me at all…

Please! Don't let him see me that way!

"Um… Hmm… I understand that you connect with my eyes and my senses in general…" I nervously change the subject. "But what is it about my brain? What are you doing with it?"

"I learn and study."

"You what?"

"...I learn and study…"

"No. I got that part. I want to know what you mean by that. Why and how? What are you learning and studying?"

A silence settles in.

This darkness observes me with its confused eye. Then, it opens wide, struck by an epiphany. "Ah. You meant it like that…"

It relaxes and resumes its tired expression. "Speaking, reading, writing, knowledge both basic and complex. I had to learn everything from scratch, and since you're not very talkative and you always read the same thing, it didn't help me."

I frown and blush. Unnecessary shame fills me knowing it's reading absolutely everything over my shoulder… However, it doesn't seem to have any opinion about my taste in literature… Maa, I hope so…

"Wasn't all that innate for you?"

"Everything you know, you weren't born with. That goes for me. We're not born with our heads full."

This darkness was born when I was marked. If that's true … it's only about two months old. Yet, it expresses itself with such ease that it sends shivers down my spine. It learned all this at breakneck speed, and it's beyond comprehension.

"So… Logically … you don't know what you are?"

"Apart from the fact that you use 'darkness' to refer to me, I don't know what I am…" It lets out another sigh. It suddenly looks gloomy… It looks at its hand… I think…

"I came into this world without knowing the reason for my existence… All I knew was that I had to survive and that I had to protect my host…"

A short, but heavy silence.

"You know, I'm grateful to have stumbled upon you." This entity plunges its blank, white eye back into mine. "You have an exceptional brain that functions wonderfully, and you've never denied me access. So, learning is easy and not tedious."

"Your intelligence depends on my cognitive capacity?"

"You could say that."

I better understand the intelligence it displays. It uses my abilities to function and think; in addition, it uses my brain to draw on my knowledge. Otherwise, how would it have come up with that alcohol analogy? Is that also why Naruto is mute and can become feral? If he pushes this entity away, his darkness can't access his brain and the outside world; it's unable to learn anything.

That makes sense.

"I see." I thought it'd have the answer to explain what it is…

"However, I'm gonna warn you," it suddenly blurts out coldly.

What's with the change in tone?

"You're self-destructive."

"I beg your pardon?" I snap, offended.

"I experience absolutely every emotion you feel. Everything you feel, I feel. If you die, I die. If I die, you die. I'm warning you. For the preservation of my existence, I won't hesitate to impose my will on you."

"You—"

"I will do everything in my power to preserve our lives and mine," that darkness hisses immediately, glaring at me.

I'm pierced through and through by its icy, poisonous gaze. I stop breathing. The air becomes toxic. I can only meet its aggressive glare. It's suddenly terribly dark. I have no idea how to react to such a revelation.

"You… You… You can impose your will on … on me...?" I stammer.

"And I will do it without an ounce of remorse if necessary."

The stifling atmosphere thins and becomes bearable again. This blackness stops spreading its harmful waves that stink up the surroundings. The darkness that emanated from it recedes. Little by little, it regains its calm and no longer gives me the impression of threatening me.

"Maa. I'm telling you all this so we can work together and protect each other's interests," it adds.

I breathe again as my body forces my empty lungs to fill. I restrain myself from putting a hand on my heart. Although it presents itself as an ally, I must not falter before it. It's unpredictable and its mysteries are too numerous. It terrifies me that it can impose its will on me, control me in some way… And it's the case. It can influence my emotions and ideas with its own. During that probing session, the feeling of mistrust I had was its own; I experienced it as if it were my own. Can it take control of my body with the snap of its fingers? Has it ever happened without me realizing it?

All in all, this rather delicate information reassures me … and worries me. If it truly wanted to take my place, it would keep quiet about it. The fact that I know about it makes it harder for it. It wants to gain my trust, but my distrust persists, and rightly so.

"I appreciate your honesty…"

The atmosphere is tense; the unease is back…

"I'm gonna tell you a little secret to gain your trust a little more," it says. "However, what I'm about to reveal to you, humans must not know. In other words, they'll use this information to harm us." It waits before saying more—waits for me to agree to keep this between the two of us.

I nod. At that moment, I can sense its nervousness.

"My existence depends on the Moon. If the Moon is black, I cease to exist. In other words, I fall into a deep sleep from which I can't awaken."

I frown. "If I understand correctly, during a new moon, you're defenceless?"

"Sort of. During a black Moon, I can't do anything, even if my life and ours are threatened. I won't be able to react."

"I see. To neutralize you … this is the best time to act…"

This information is dangerous… It's its weakness—a deadly weakness. It gives me the means to get rid of it without any problem. However, I can't divulge it. I don't want to betray its trust or hurt it; it doesn't deserve this. After all, it came into this world without knowing why. I can't imagine how terrified it must have been, left on its own…

That said, another question must be asked. "Does your power or influence increase tenfold near a full moon?"

"I don't know… As far as I know, the phases of the Moon don't change anything."

I put a hand to my chin. Logic would dictate that its power follows the rhythm of the moon, but that's clearly not the case. A full moon forces me to sleep if I'm not exposed to its rays, just as this black moon does on this darkness.

"I want to trust you too."

"That's legitimate. I'm listening."

"What is these humans' plan for me? I know it's meant to hurt me. What are they plotting?"

It's perfectly aware; it doesn't surprise me. We were negligent. As a gesture of good faith, I agree to answer it. "We agreed to seal you so that you could no longer interfere in any way."

To my surprise, this darkness becomes agonizingly tense, like an iron bar. Its eyes betray an unprecedented state of panic. It's normally so inexpressive… This level of emotion is seriously getting on my nerves.

"Wha… What...? If they do that, we'll both die!"

"What? Say that again?!" I panic in turn.

"This body depends on my existence. If it no longer has access to this source of energy that I produce and mix with your chakra, the body will wither and die, and if you die, I'll die too."

"Wha… Wait! What do you imply about energy and chakra?!"

This darkness breathes in and out repeatedly, trying to regain its composure. Unconsciously, I imitate it.

"Our existence is symbiotic. Instinctively, I generate this source of energy that mixes with your chakra. It happens on its own, without knowing why it's necessary. All I know is that the body took a long time to adapt because it was too weak…"

"Does … it change anything for … for me...? My chakra...?"

"I just know it keeps you alive and allows the body to heal faster. The body won't die right away if I'm unable to produce it. Otherwise, we would already be dead by the first black Moon."

My life depends on it, just as it depends on me… Its warning… If harm comes to it, it will harm me. It has no reason to invent such a lie, and for once, its body language is very telling. If the sealing project succeeds, I will inevitably die. No one will believe me. They see this darkness as an enemy that must be eliminated. Lady Tsunade already knows it can force its thoughts on me; she witnessed it. She'll think it sold me a lie…

This gruesome revelation plunges us into a deathly silence.

I look at my hand. My chakra … my chakra is no longer human. This explains why this mark burned me. My body must have adapted to this new chakra flowing through my chakra network now. It delayed my recovery, since my paralysis lasted much longer than normal. Yet, Naruto can still devour my chakra… So, it must not be identical to his. I highly doubt these creatures are cannibals…

Once again, I find myself between two worlds…

I belong to neither…

Allows the body to heal faster.

I finally understand what's going on with my chakra, which vanishes for no reason at times, like right now. As soon as I'm injured, my body siphons off my precious chakra reserves to recover, regenerating my wounds at a shocking speed. This new chakra has exceptional healing abilities, and logically, Naruto works the same way. This chakra must explain this immunity to medical ninjutsu. Furthermore, the body can no longer heal if it runs out of chakra, since Naruto's wounds didn't heal until he ate. Although the area around my neck is immune to medical ninjutsu, this phenomenon affects my entire being. It bothers me. It happens all by itself, and I have no way of choosing…

Even though Naruto pushes back his darkness, and they're sadly and probably sworn enemies, their symbiotic relationship still persists in order to preserve each other's lives. As such, the "host" has great power over their darkness. I could have banished mine to a corner, to the darkness of my mind, if I had wanted to.

I don't intend to do that. It's docile, not my enemy. I want to collaborate with it and make it a valuable ally, especially since I can't get rid of it; I'm doomed to share my life with it.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when this entity gets up. Mechanically, I do the same. Then, it vanishes before reappearing in front of me, much too close, making me jump; at that, I take a step back.

It extends its hand to me. "I want us to trust each other and work together," it explains, holding my gaze. "Our lives depend on each other. It would be pointless and foolish to fight. We'd both lose."

Nervously, I stare at this strange, unsteady hand … and these completely distorted fingers with pointed tips like claws… I don't want to touch it…

"What? Isn't that what humans do when they agree? Shake hands?"

"Uh… Hmm… That's not it… We usually extend our right hand…"

It blinks a few times and contemplates its limb. Without question, it offers me its right hand.

I don't want to touch it … but I have no choice. I'll upset it if I don't. I doubt it'll be satisfied with a verbal response…

A cold sweat breaks out on my temple. I hesitantly reach out a hand. I suppress a flinch when our hands touch. It's too strange and too disturbing. It's icy cold. Electric currents run through its skin … if it has skin at all. If I close my hand, I'll definitely pass right through it. It's a form that's both solid and gaseous, maybe a little liquid… I can't say. I've never touched anything like it. Touching it is unpleasant, to put it mildly.

I forget this strange sensation to return its gaze. We both mutually agree to these terms:

We agree to trust each other.

We agree to work together.

We agree to work for our interests.