When... Did I start acting this way?

Right... the moment I went back in time...

How many loops has it been? How many years have I been seeking to rid myself of this fate?

I don't know, nor do I feel like I need to know anymore.

For I am frozen in time.

Yes, I... I believe I am dead.

Usually, I'd expect to have a flashback of everything I've gone through when I was at the verge of death, but so much had happened that it would be impossible to recompile everything.

But my memory has not eroded.

No, I remember perfectly how I acted...

Or rather... how I acted as the perfect girl.

Who... am I actually? How did I act before everything went wrong?

...

I remember, I was an imperfect girl attempting to achieve perfection, a perfectionist...

And now... I am a perfect girl attempting to achieve minimal results, a conformist.

Everyone I met and had a deep connection with in the past no longer will feel that same connection anymore.

I became... so cynical, so distant to those I originally saw as my friends...

I...

I miss the past.

"What... am I doing here?" Monika asked herself.

Debate Club had finished, and there stood Monika alone, everyone had already left, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Monika wondered. "Is this what I truly want to do? Spending each day after class putting up superficial images? What about what I believe or... what I would actually say?"

"... I... can't go on with this anymore." She sighed.

She had an epiphany, one where she finally realized that she wasn't doing what she really wanted.

But did she truly want to do it?

She didn't know, throughout all her life, she had never truly expressed herself to others, she had no real personality.

Yet people in the Debate Club knew her, she was known as one of their members, and an avid debater.

But not more than that.

She finally stood up and left, aimlessly walking down the halls, wondering what she would do now.

She wasted almost two years of her school life in that club.

"A way to truly express myself..." She muttered.

Then, it came to her.

What better way to express oneself than with creative arts?

Painting, literature, music, all those were usually seen as the best ways to express oneself.

But, it was too broad of a club, and the members could possibly have coherence.

She needed to choose one of them...

"Literature would do." She decided.

Writing was something she was quite fond of, after all, hours of research and putting down points for her argument were a habit she got used to.

Perhaps it could help her get a headstart.

"Yeah, that will do." She said to herself. "A Literature Club sounds nice..."

"Although… I would have also liked to learn the piano."

"A Literature Club?" Sona said as she looked at the girl in front of her.

"Yes, I plan on creating one at the start of the third year." Monika explained. "I'd like to find a place to have the club if you don't mind."

Sona hummed. "A break's worth to create a new place for the club doesn't seem plausible, but would you mind if you waited for a bit more?"

Monika raised her hands to protest a bit. "Oh no! It's not that I want an entire new building for it! Just a small room would do."

Sona closed her eyes as she thought about it. "I... believe there is an unused classroom that you can use, as you may know, there is always a spare classroom in case one of the other rooms becomes unavailable."

"But given that there has yet to be any incidents like that, I believe it would be fine to give you said room." She declared.

"Do you have any members already? Or is this something you've decided right now?" She asked.

Monika shook her head. "There are no other members, so I understand if you are less inclined to allow this club."

"Nonsense." Sona interjected. "I may not truly know you at a fond level, but the Debate Club and your marks show that you're competent." She said as she raised a few papers.

"I-I see." She muttered.

"If that's all, then you can leave now, I will handle the preparations for the new club." Sona said.

Once Monika left, she stood beside the door of the Student Council room.

"Competent... uh?" She repeated.

"It feels a bit nerve-racking."

"Will I live up to their expectations?" She said as she looked on the roof.

She shook her head. "No, dammit Monika, focus!"

"You've got a vision, and you have to follow it!" She said to herself.

"... But what is that vision?"

"Is it just to have people express themselves?" She wondered. "...Yeah, it has to be that."

She sought affirmation to no one in particular.

Third year had finally commenced, and she was given a club room, or rather, a classroom at the end of the hall that was unused.

At first, she was optimistic, she had made a few posts on the bulletin.

And she waited a day, expecting for someone to join.

But no one came.

She waited another day.

No one.

And again.

None.

Monika sighed in frustration. "Do people really not want to join the Literature Club? Maybe they want, but they just have other clubs they want to join."

"After all, there's the Photography Club, the Anime Club, Tennis Club, Occult Research Club..."

"... Wow, how does the last one have more members than the Literature Club?" She wondered, mostly curious as to what they did to have so many members.

Fortunately for her, a girl came to her help, someone who was willing to join the club out of pure interest.

That was...

It was...

...

I... I don't remember.

Was... was I so fixated on myself in the future that I rejected those memories?

I recall us being close, far closer, but I can't recall what truly happened in the past.

But all I remember are reactive actions depending on the situation.

I remember defending Natsuki... but not from who or for what reason.

I remember telling Yuri to talk to Sayori... but for what?

Who... who truly were they for me?

Close? Of course, but how?

Has... has time gone for so long that I forgot?

...No, I didn't forget, I decided to forget.

All I remember now is how I previously acted, the actions I needed to do and how to act like the perfect girl...

But, what I can never forget...

Is that day.

"So, our time in Kuoh Academy is coming to an end, uh?" Monika said with a gentle smile.

"... I will miss you all." Yuri admitted.

"Hey! It's not like we're going to separate forever!" Sayori objected. "We will probably go to college, right? Then we'll be back together!"

"Are you... really sure you're going to college." Chuckled Monika.

"Ah, right, I'm a bit slow when it comes to academics eheh..." She realized.

"Still, it would be very beneficial for us to go to college, after all, we will attain many more opportunities by going there." Yuri explained.

"Mmm, that's true, but do you really need a college degree if you want to be a writer?" Natsuki asked.

"I suppose not." Yuri realized. "But, while I will cheer you on with your endeavor as a writer, I do believe that having a backup plan would also be beneficial, don't you think?"

"Well, of course, I've come prepared!" Natsuki said confidently. "I will probably open a bakery or something."

"Then, we will visit you whenever we can!" Sayori said.

"You'll have to pay for whatever you want to eat." Clarified Natsuki.

"Ouuuuu..." Sayori expressed with disappointment.

They all laughed after that.

"What about you, Monika? I personally want to go to college, so I would like to have someone I know also accompany me." Asked Yuri.

"I am also thinking of going to college, so expect me there." She responded.

"In that case, I will help Natsuki!" Sayori cheered. "Or maybe I should see what I could do."

"You definitely should." Huffed Natsuki.

They all spent this little time together cheerfully.

After all, it would soon be time to let go of the Literature Club.

Oddly enough, there were no other members, but she had come to accept it.

After all, it wasn't the quantity that mattered, but rather the quality.

The quality time she could spend with those she considered her best friends.

"Alright, let's wrap up today's club session then!" Monika said as she clapped her hands together.

With that done, Monika was the last one to leave the club.

Walking down the streets, she couldn't help but smile and reminisce about the past.

Or rather, what she could remember of it.

"Uhm... excuse me..." A timid voice called for her.

Monika looked towards where the voice came from, in front of her stood a black haired girl with a different school uniform.

She didn't really pay attention to those outside the academy, as such, this was the first time she met someone outside it.

"Can... I help you?" Monika asked, a bit gently as she tried not to scare her away.

"Uhm... I've heard that you're very good with literature, I've gone to some of the festivals with my friends and uhm..."

"I got inspired by you, and would like to be taught by you about how to write!" She asked.

Monika was surprised by the sudden declaration, but she couldn't help but feel happy in a way.

"Ah, I feel quite flattered." She admitted. "I never expected my poetry to touch someone's heart."

"Nonsense, you're a good writer, I remember seeing you at the festival with those three other members! It was inspiring to see such a small group make such an impact!"

"Aaaw, that's sweet of you." She smiled. "Then, how about this, do you have time right now? I could give you some tips or teach you some of it somewhere else."

"O-of course!" She said.

As they started walking, Monika realized that she didn't ask anything. "Oh, what's your name by the way?"

"Amano Yuuma."

I... I don't want to remember how she manipulated me during our entire journey.

I recall it however, for it has never left my mind.

It was too much for me to forget.

I remember how I would lead her into a library and we would pick different books.

Some were poems, other novels.

All in hopes of teaching her about the different types of genres and poetry.

I was truly passionate, I do recall that.

I even spent my own money to buy her a notebook, one where I wanted her to write all her poems.

And I assured her that no matter what she wrote on it, if it seemed terrible or not to her liking, that it was fine.

She needn't strive for perfection...

But then, we came to the end of that session.

"I found it fun." Monika admitted. "It's the first time where I actively teach someone else how to write."

Yuuma remained silent.

They were now at the park, around the time the sun would start to set.

"So, how was our time? I hope my feedback can be of help for you in the future once you get to try to write."

She continued to remain silent.

"Yuuma? Is everything alright? I hope I wasn't too overbearing." Monika worried.

Suddenly, Yuuma laughed, a maniacal laugh.

Monika could feel her senses telling her that there was danger.

"Truthfully, I wasn't expecting you to spend the whole time blabbering about literature." Yuuma spat.

"But, I suppose it's poetic, that you'd waste your last moments wasting it by explaining to me what a eulogy is."

"Because that's exactly what your friends will be doing."

"W-what?" Monika said, confused and scared.

She saw as behind Yuuma, black wings spread.

And a lighting spear materialized on her hand.

Too scared to move, she could watch as the girl she thought admired her had a sadistic look.

Raising her hand, Yuuma threw the spear at Monika.

The club president felt a sharp pain, looking down, she saw as a puddle of blood materialized under her.

And it hurt, it hurt a lot. She stumbled onto the ground.

"W-why?"

"Why you ask?"

"Well, that's a question you need to ask God." She laughed.

"If you want to ask, then go ask God, because he must have the answer to your question, and also, blame him for giving you a Sacred Gear."

"A... a what?" She muttered with a gurgled voice.

"Nothing that you need to worry about, because you're already going to die." Yuuma said as she started to leave.

"No... I... I can't die here..."

"Sayori... Yuri... Natsuki... I need to live for them..."

"I... I want to be at the graduation ceremony alongside them..."

"I want to cherish that goodbye, our departure from the Literature Club..."

"I... I refuse to die."

"If... if I could turn back in time..."

"If I could erase this plotline from ever happening..."

Her view became blurry.

As a last ditch effort, she attempted to write her murderer's name on the ground. At least with her blood.

However, there was a notebook.

"This... this must be Yuuma's notebook that I bought..."

"And... this... must be the pen I gave her..."

She then started writing Yuuma's name, in hopes that someone would come and see it.

But before she could notice it, she was back on her bed.

"W-what?"

She saw that she had the notebook and pen still in hand.

However, she was now on her bed.

Standing up, she looked at the calendar.

It was the start of her first year at Kuoh Academy.

In the end, I created the club from that point onward for what I envisioned.

I became a selfish individual, who was only looking for their own interest.

A cold creature putting up a mask of someone warm.

No, I wasn't just selfish.

I wasn't even truthful to myself.

I abandoned all my dreams, all that I aspired to or even what I wanted to do.

Alas, I cannot do anything.

All I can do is wait for a second chance.

I've delayed my inevitable fate.

I must find a way to get rid of it.

(A/N)

Surprised to see something new instead of a rewrite?

Well, this was to be expected, as I decided to also extend a bit but to a lesser extent.

For those who don't know, I've decided to switch and move a few of the arcs around, so in the end, no Romance of Three Kingdoms Arc for the fourth arc, but rather, back to DxD.

It was a bit of a shame, but I would rather give you actual content rather than waiting for over a year for an arc still in the works.

As such, I will rewrite quite a bit more. I'll probably post an Authors Note at the beginning of the last chapter to inform people that what I added was this chapter.

That should be all honestly. I'll see y'all next update.