A Different Kind of Strength Chapter 4, a chicago pd fanfic

Last Happy BeMeanToJayDay for this little story! I hope you like this last chapter!

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His bare feet hitting the floor helped dissolve some of the grogginess he had been feeling. While the room spun, he shuffled his feet to find more cold tile, but the initial shock of cold to his system was all he was going to get.

Since he wouldn't be able to grab the IV pole properly and push it or pull it along with his splinted wrists, he had untethered himself from the PCA - his pain medication, but left the catheter in the crook of his arm, the easier and lesser of two evils, considering his other choice was to yank it out.

Five minutes later, he leaned his shoulder and head against the wall and closed his eyes, regretting leaving the pain meds behind but willing himself to hold on.

He should have found a way to drag the pole with him. He had to stay on his feet, he had to be close, Will said Hailey was just down the hall. But maybe he went the wrong way. He had to find her. He needed to apologize.

Lifting himself off the wall, he ignored the spin of the hallway. Keeping the part of his forearm not covered with bandages against the wall to steady himself, he moved down the hallway. He would check two more rooms, before turning back and checking the other side.

He held onto the rail of her bed with the tips of his fingers, closed his eyes and just breathed, all the while willing himself not to crumple to the floor.

Gray dots swam behind his lids and he adjusted his hold so his right forearm lay on the rail and put his head down on top on it. He couldn't pass out before he had a chance to say how sorry he was.

He stood there for what felt like forever, head on his arm, eyes closed and hovering between passing out and falling asleep, when a hand whispered over his hair and he heard his name coming quietly from the bed.

He lifted his head too fast and the room spun, but Hailey was awake and his focus on her ground the spinning room to a halt. She was smiling at him. A pained smile but still, a smile.

"Hailey…" his voice was thick with tears, "I'm sorry I should have stopped…I should have stopped it."

She teetered between worry for Jay and awe in how he got them out.

"Jay…shh…you saved us. You saved us…and me…from so much worse. Please focus on that. There was no failure on your part. None."

Everything could've been so much worse. But because of Jay, they were alive. There was no way he could have saved them from the bruises, the pain - physically and emotionally, but he saved their lives…saved her…she mentally shrugged off the chill that ran down her spine…saved her from being raped.

She caught his eyes and he didn't look away, even though she could tell he wanted to. Guilt, and…a shame different from hers, burned in his eyes. He was listening but she knew it would take a while for it to sink in, just like with what happened to her, her own shame would take some time to reconcile.

There was an inkling in the back of his mind that what Hailey said was true but he wasn't sure if he would ever fully believe it. He would always question everything he did or didn't do…should have done.

He looked at the bruises on her face and the trembling in her hands and his eyes filled with tears.

It was only a choked whisper, "I'm still sorry."

They shared a look, acknowledging the mutual pain they went through but also that it would take awhile to get their heads caught up to what their hearts knew.

Jay's tears spilled, triggering her own. She was so glad he was there. She hadn't felt safe since… She hadn't been able to will herself into feeling safe, but she did now with Jay standing beside her bed, even though he looked like he was about to collapse.

"Jay…" she bit the bullet and asked for what she needed, thinking he probably needed it too.

"Can you come up here with me?"

His physical pain was trumped by relief and he instantly said yes. Being by Hailey and knowing she was safe, that he could keep her safe now, was what he needed, and judging by the relief on her face, what she needed.

Together they put down the bed rail. Then sliding over making room for him, she laid on her left side and faced him, while he climbed up and lay on his back beside her, injured wrists in his lap.

He closed his eyes and tried to exhale the pain, but it stayed. It didn't matter though. Hailey was here, she was safe.

Hailey got herself physically comfortable while her psyche had already made it there with Jay's arrival. She slid her left hand under his bicep and held on, her right hand resting between the crook of his elbow and the bandages that came halfway up his forearm.

She rested her forehead against his arm and soaked in the safety she felt. She squeezed his bicep and brushed the skin of it with her thumb, signally she was okay.

"Thank you for coming to me."

"Always, Hails, always."

She was asleep in moments, but sleep was elusive for Jay. The pain of his journey had caught up to him. Not wanting to wake up Hailey, he stayed as still as possible and concentrated on the warmth of her hands on his arm and tried to breath through the pain. It wasn't working though. He had been on pain meds since he woke up, so his injuries had been only a shadow, until now. Now he felt everything.

He swore he could feel the tears in his wrists, the burn of them. His right wrist held the dull ache of a broken bone, but feeling the cuts themselves, the lines of pain was unnerving. His head pounded in sync with his heart and even though his eyes were closed, the light from the hallway still penetrated.

His whole body ached and his ribs hurt with every deep breath he took in trying to quell the pain of his other injuries. So, he was reduced to shallow breathing and Hailey's warm hands to chase away the pain. Neither worked, but Hailey was here, he had that connection, that helped his spinning mind.

Tears trailed along his nose, over his split lips and down his chin. He couldn't help the tears, he couldn't move his arms to wipe them. The pain was relentless but he wouldn't, couldn't pass out. He needed Hailey to feel safe. If he passed out and she woke up she might be afraid.

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Will stopped just inside the door, relieved to find his brother right where he thought he would. A frantic nurse paged him, and after assuring her that he knew where to find his brother, and it wasn't her fault he disappeared, he walked down the north hall to Hailey's room.

Hailey was sound asleep, curled toward Jay, cheek on his bicep, and holding onto his right arm with both hands.

Jay was laying on his back, in excruciating pain and trying not to move so he wouldn't wake up Hailey.

He sighed out a whispered "Jay." And quietly moved to the bed, not wanting to startle Hailey awake.

He put his hand on his little brother's shoulder and continued with a whisper, "I'll get you some meds then we…"

"No."

Will sighed again. The strain in Jay's voice and pain written on his tear streaked face, the stiffness of his body and the shallowness of his breath as he tried not to move, were a billboard of his pain.

He tilted his head, knowing why his little brother was refusing meds now that he would actually have access to them.

"Hailey feels safe Jay. She wouldn't want you to be in pain. You're here, she'll be okay now."

Jay's eyes filled with tears as Will's words stripped away what kept him sitting in agony.

"Can I give you something to take the edge off at least?"

A shaky breath, followed by a pain induced swallow and tears spilling from the corner of his eyes, was his answer.

Will squeezed his brother's shoulder, and retrieved a prefilled dose of pain meds out of the locked cabinet, and pushed half into the IV port still in the crook of Jay's elbow. The fact that he didn't say no to the drugs again, was a testament to how much pain he was in.

But maybe, maybe Jay gave into the drugs because of what he had just said to him, about Hailey not wanting him to be in pain. When one of them was in pain, the other always helped them carry it. He wouldn't want to do that to her.

Jay felt the drugs hit his system and a moment later the pain mellowed and his tears fell in earnest. The relief was heavy and even though Will had given him just enough to dull the pain, he drifted off to sleep. He was exhausted and now that he didn't have to fight the pain, his body took care of him.

Feeling another presence in the room, Hailey woke up and held tighter to her partners arm, before she realized it was Will attaching Jay to a PCA, so he could have control of his pain meds.

"Sorry Hailey. I'm sorry. I didn't want to wake you…"

"I'm okay. It's okay."

"How long has he been in here?"

"I'm…" she wiped the dried tears from her lashes, then held Jay's arm again, her face falling with the sadness of the situation, "I'm not sure…"

Looking at Jay's bruised face as he slept, her face wilted even further, "He feels guilty. He has nothing to feel guilty about…"

Will hummed in agreement. "Can I get you anything? I can get him back to his room if you're uncomfortable."

They both knew the uncomfortable he was talking about was more that physical.

"Can he stay here. I…I think he needs to be here right now," her eyes and soft whisper were stained with tears, "I need him here right now."

"Of course. Whatever you need. I'll let his nurse know. Hit the call button if you need anything, need more room in your bed."

Hailey nodded, then blew out a quiet breath and laid her forehead back against Jay's arm. She was asleep almost instantly, the safety she felt with Jay the only sleep aid she needed.

Blinking his tear filled eyes, Will wiped away those that escaped. He was grateful he hadn't lost his little brother or Hailey. Grateful Jay hadn't lost Hailey, his partner, his best friend.

Both of them where bruised and battered, emotionally and physically. Both of them were dead to the world but not dead. He listened to their slow, steady breathing a moment longer, watched their bruised but peaceful faces. They would be okay eventually.

They were both tough, two of the strongest people he knew, thee strongest people he knew. But despite that, he was a big brother, so he still worried. That's what big brother's, that's what friend's do, and regardless of his worry, he knew they would be okay because together they possessed a different kind of strength.

The End

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Started writing this on March 3, 2021. It's always fun to look back and see when I started writing a story or skeleton of the story that I would someday write…not so much fun to look back and see how long it's been since I've updated the ones I've got dangling out there. Holy shit - time freakin flies! But I am working on them, I promise. And remember…it's Barbara's fault, not mine. She's the little shit, not me.

And once again, thank you MrsReadalot for being you! You are great at wrangling Barbara!

Stay safe peeps! Big smooch!