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Chapter 10: I Accept
Once Sam was able to coherently hold a conversation he'd finally told me what happened between him and Jake that night. He'd held steady that the transfer of power was inevitable, but when Jake pushed the issue just to force me into becoming his mate Sam realized that Jake wasn't ready to lead the pack. Sam had refused to submit, fighting with everything he had until the young future Alpha had no choice, he needed to submit to live. Jake was angry, and he continued to act out, not taking my rejection any better than Sam's refusal to submit. It took a stern tongue-lashing from his own father and current Chief to put the cocky young wolf in his place, and eventually Jake admitted he was too young and inexperienced to take his birthright, and that he was being immature and disrespectful in his behavior towards both Sam and me.
He'd apologized to me, showing up at my window on a night that Sam was patrolling. He asked me to consider him if I decided that my imprint with Sam was not romantic in nature. He said our friendship meant more to him than anything, and he sought out to prove that to me every day.
Sam and I were growing closer, but there were still things that continued to hold both of us back. We'd not ventured into anything more than a close friendship, and we both were growing frustrated but couldn't find a way to talk to each other about it. Leah had continued to be my rock, and one night she just listened as I finally vented my frustrations about the situation that I found myself in – I was the imprint of the current Alpha of a pack of shapeshifting wolves, but I didn't live here permanently, and had no idea if I even wanted to. I'd snuck away from Florida and my unpredictable mother just for a summer visit, with plans to return to my stepfather Phil once I was ready to start college.
Now, I had no idea what my future held.
"That's what holds Sam back too, Bella," She'd gently explained, "He's tied to the rez, to La Push and to the pack even once Jake takes over. Right now, Jake is playing nice, but he has no plans to stand back and let you and Sam live happily ever after, you know?"
"He apologized and just asked me to consider him if I don't want to be with Sam romantically." I argued and she sighed.
"He's backing off from you, but not from Sam. The pack tensions are at an all-time high, and it's more than just you. Jake does feel like he's in love with you, and maybe he is, but his wolf is also causing him to seek out his birthright just to claim his mate. The pack is getting bigger, which means there are more leeches cropping up around here, and the tension is dividing them. Jake wants to go full force against all leeches, even the ones we have the treaty with, while Sam is more level-headed and thinks about the downstream effects if we were to break a treaty. The pack is confused, there are some who want to follow Jake and others remain loyal to Sam."
"Why isn't Sam talking to me about any of this?" I asked, horrified that he's dealing with so much on top of the uncertainty of a relationship with me.
"The imprint is strained," Leah said softly, "the longer the two of you fight to define what it is, the worse it will become. I'm not saying you need to jump into bed with him to seal the imprint, but acknowledging that you both want it, or that you don't, should have happened quickly after imprinting. Right now, you are basically on the market, and if Jake wants to mark you, he can."
"Mark me?"
"As the future Alpha, he does get to choose his mate, and he will mark them with a bite. It sounds awful, but it is just as potent as an imprint, and even higher regarded since it would be the Alpha's mate. Jake wants to mark you, and he knows he can still do it if you refuse to accept the imprint." She explains.
"How can I make a decision that will impact both his and my future when I have no idea if I will even stay here? My stepfather expects me back, I promised him that I would come back home. I just graduated from high school, I've got college to think about, jobs, a future, just stuff a normal eighteen-year-old should be able to decide on."
"Why can't you do those things and still be here?" Leah presses.
"I've never had choices before; I just want to do something for me and not everyone else." I replied bitterly and Leah's face softened.
"Have you been considering going back to Florida because you want to, or because you think you have to for your stepdad?" She asked softly.
It's a valid point, and not something I had even considered, "I love Phil with my whole heart, especially because he was my father when he didn't have to be. He chose to love and support me. He's the only reason I was able to come back to La Push. He's who paid for the DNA test, my ticket here, he paid child support for me," I feel the sob break free from deep in my chest, and then the familiar warmth of Leah's arms wrapped around me as I cried uncontrollably into her shoulder.
"I may not know Phil, but I know he loves you, Bella." Leah soothed, "You've told me before that he's encouraged you to stay here with your family."
"I miss him," sniffled and Leah pulled away from me, "He's the only father I know."
"Of course you do. Do you want to go back to Florida?"
"Phil did this for me, I owe it to him..." I trailed off and scrubbed my watery eyes.
"I didn't ask anout Phil, I asked about you." She gently prodded me.
"I don't know what to do." I finally admit.
"And now you're being pulled between two territorial wolves." She sighed, "You can always choose you, Bella."
"Right, and hurt them both? Especially Sam, it's a physical pain-"
"It's survivable." Leah pointed at herself, "But Bella, you've got to talk to them both at some point, it's hurting the pack."
"I will."
"And you have to find out what you want, Bella. Not Phil, Sam, Paul, Charlie or Jake. It's time for you to be happy." Leah said and I shook my head.
"I don't know how."
My brother and Emily running into the house to escape the pouring rain outside saved me from the lecture I was sure to be getting from Leah, and I don't miss the scowl on her face as she stares at me.
Even though I knew that Leah was right, I continued to avoid a conversation with Sam or Jake. I hated how selfish I was feeling, especially when it came to Sam. I did, however, call my stepfather and had a long conversation with him about everything I was feeling, leaving the supernatural out of it. Leah was right, Phil absolutely supported me in any decision I made, and told me that as soon as he could take some time away he'd come out to La Push to visit me.
"You're my daughter, Bella, none of this step crap. I love you and support you." He reminded me as we were about to end our call, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt he meant every word.
Following that conversation I had made an appointment with a financial advisor at the Port Angeles Community College, and after a good discussion about my future plans I felt a bit closer to making a decision. My entire life I had to do whatever was best for my mother, even though it took any chance of a normal childhood away from me. As much as I love my brother, uncle and the friends I was making in La Push, I was terrified of involving someone else in my chatotic life.
I also hated the thought of hurting Jake.
On the surface, it looked like Jake was an awful person, but deep down I knew it to be untrue. Yes, he had always had a bit of a possessive streak, but he was also the one person who would never give up on me, even when I wanted to give up on myself. He knew everything and stayed when others wouldn't, and the guilt I had at my inability to give him the one chance he was begging for ate away at me every time I thought of him.
It especially killed me when I thought of Sam.
I decided I needed caffeine to make the rest of the trip home, so I took a detour through Forks to check out a coffee shop that Jessica and Angela raved about. I had planned on just grabbing a cup to go, but I ran into someone inside who I swore looked familiar. She was a pale young woman with brown hair and amber colored eyes who introduced herself to me as Alice Cullen. I thought the name sounded familiar, as did her pale face, but I couldn't place it, and I was mesmerized by this beautiful young woman. Alice's voice was as smooth as her porcelain skin, and even though I felt the pull of my imprint calling me back to La Push, I agreed to stay and have coffee with Alice. She was a breath of fresh air, a soft-spoken, seemingly normal almost eighteen-year-old who was a rising senior in Forks High School, and lived in Forks with a family full of foster siblings. She'd explained that her foster father was a doctor at Forks General Hospital, her foster mother was an interior designer, and due to their inability to have children they'd chosen to foster teenagers.
"We usually age out of the system," She explained in her musical voice, "but Carlisle and Esme choose us every time."
"That is incredibly kind." I admitted, and she smiled.
She asked me about my family, and I found myself opening up to this complete stranger. I'd told her about my wonderful stepfather, who helped me to find my family. I explained that I had only recently learned who my birth father was, and that I had a brother and an uncle locally who I was visiting with for the summer. Even though I hadn't even told Sam all of the details of my troubled childhood with Renee, I found myself talking freely about it to Alice. She listened without interrupting, and her face showed true empathy and concern as I shared the horrid details of the multiple overdoses my mother had gone through, and the multitude of men she'd paraded in and out of my life. I don't know what compelled me to keep talking, but every question she asked in her beautiful voice I answered, including the one where she asked me if I would like to accompany her to dinner where she was meeting her brother that evening.
I kept saying yes.
When we arrived at the restaurant, Alice informed the host that we were meeting her brother here, and we were led to a quiet table in a dark corner where I saw a man who looked like an angel.
Edward Cullen had messy copper colored hair, the same pale skin, amber eyes and musical voice as his sister, and he and Alice explained they were orphaned twins that had been adopted by the Cullens. I was facinated by their story, and at the time I'd not noticed that I was the only one who seemed to be eating or drinking, even though they had invited me to their dinner. Texts and phone calls to me were ignored, and it was as if nothing existed but Alice and Edward.
All I could see was their angelic beauty.
I barely even realized that someone else was standing at our table, and that Edward's eyes were now almost black.
"You're dangerously close to violating the treaty, Cullen." A deep, familiar voice called out quietly. I jerked my head around and saw him.
"Sam." I whispered, and he placed his hand on my shoulder, its warmth seeping down to my bones. I hadn't realized how cold I was, or how singly focused I was on Alice and Edward.
"I'm not sure what you're talking about, we've done nothing to violate any treaty, we are simply enjoying a dinner with the lovely Isabella." Edward smiled.
"You are not to associate with imprints, it's a direct violation." Sam replies firmly.
"Isabella isn't an imprint; we can sense if there's an imprint or mating bond." Alice frowns.
"She's my imprint."
Edward made a clicking noise with his tongue and then trailed his dark amber eyes to mine, "You've not accepted this imprint, have you?"
"No." I whispered, feeling like I've been given some sort of truth serum.
"That means you're free to be my mate." He says in that velvet voice of his.
"You will not touch her, Cullen." Sam growls.
I begin to lose focus again, and it's not until I feel Sam flexing his fingers on my shoulder that I snap out of it, "Mate…?" I trail off and Edward smiles at me.
"It's possible to have more than one mate, Isabella. The way I understand it, with these… mongrels… the Alpha simply chooses their mate. If that were the case, Sam wouldn't have imprinted, he would simply choose you."
"Jacob chose me…." I murmur, finding myself lost in the depths of his amber eyes.
"Bella-" Sam begins but Alice cuts him off.
"Ah, I see, he's not the true Alpha of his pack. A pity since Jacob Black lacks the maturity of Samuel Uley." She frowns.
"Which means my imprint stands." Sam growls.
"That's not what your legends say, Samuel." Edward says to him and I can feel him tremble.
"You know nothing of our legends." Sam hisses.
"I know much more than you give me credit for, and based on this conversation you truly know nothing of what it means to be Alpha of a pack. It also sounds to me as if Isabella has multiple options. Jacob Black, yourself, or me." He says, and then meets my eyes, "Let me guess, if you are to choose one the mongrels, you are sentenced to a life on the reservation. You'll not be able to travel, go to college, or even live outside of this city. With me, the world is our oyster."
"I don't even know you." I whisper, even though the words burn my throat.
"Don't you want to?" He asks almost teasingly, "You don't have to spend all of your time with those dogs."
Sam pushed me gently behind him, shielding me with his firm body, "She lives on the rez with us, she is my imprint, and this serves as an official warning from the La Push Spirit Warriors, stay away."
"Why do you want Bella when you have someone else?" Alice's musical voice breaks through the thick tension and my stomach drops.
"There is no one other than Bella. Do not try to poison my imprint with your lies." Sam hisses.
"We won't violate the treaty by passing over the borders. However there is no accepted imprint. If she doesn't choose you or your true Alpha, she is free to make other arrangements." Alice says, "I've seen it, she won't choose him." She looks pointedly at her brother, "It'll be you."
I can feel Sam trembling, and I thread my hand with his and tug gently, "Please take me home."
"My Chief and I will be in contact with your coven leader. Stay away from her." Sam threatens Edward, who smirks in return.
"I believe Isabella will make that choice, Samuel. Not you." His smirk turns into a sneer, "I'll tell Carlisle to expect your call, I'm sure he will be delighted to explain vampire mating to you."
Sam made a move towards Edward and I placed a hand on his arm, "Sam, take me home, please." I plead and he puts his arm around me and leads me to my truck.
He opened the door for me, allowing me time to slide in before closing the door. I watched his tense body language as he passed in front of the truck, and when he got inside, he took several deep breaths.
"Sam." I say in a warbly voice, "I don't know what happened." He gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles almost look white, and I gently rub one of my hands over his, "I don't know either of them, but it was like I was under a spell. I don't even remember accepting an invite to dinner."
"You've never seen them before?" He asked me.
"I have no idea who they are." I reply and I feel tears burning at my eyes, "How did you find me? How did Edward know about the imprint? How does he know what you are? How-"
"Birdie..." Sam murmurs before pulling me across the bench seat and onto his lap, where he embraces me and lets me calm down, "remember the legends. Who our natural enemy is?"
"Cold ones." I breathe out and Sam tightens his hold on me, "He's... his sister...? No, cold ones have red eyes... Billy said... the legends said..."
Sam tells me about the treaty, and his suspicion that the vampires had somehow manipulated my mind. He then reluctantly voices his worry that these vampires seem to have purposely sought me out, and have possibly been watching me for a while.
"They're watching me? Why would they watch me?"
I'm trying desperately not to cry, but when I lean back and look at him, he begins to wipe the errant tears away, "I won't let them hurt you." He murmurs.
"Why would you protect me? I can't make up my mind, I'm making you suffer because I won't accept the imprint, I have even thought about going back to my stepdad, why would you even care about me?"
"Because even if I'm not your soulmate, you're mine, and I will always protect you." He replies.
I realize I am tired of overthinking, of taking care of Renee, of moving from place to place, of running, of protecting other's feelings while disregarding mine. I've completely written off a connection with a man who isn't relying on some superstition, instead he has invested time in me, and has true feelings he's developing because of who I am. He's not flipping a switch and loving me, he's letting the spirits of our tribe guide him, all while leading a pack of spirit warriors just because he happened to shift first. He's given his entire life up to protect people, to honor his ancestors and to lead his tribe until Jake can mature enough to one day do it himself. Jake at the age of eighteen is two years older than Sam was when he first shifted at sixteen, and he's been allowed a reprieve that Sam never had.
Sam has dealt with all of this with patience and grace. He's matured well past his years because he had no choice, and even though he's lived his life for someone else he's still willing to allow me the freedoms he never had.
I need to stop being so selfish.
I look over at him, his dark hazel eyes boring into my own, his bronze skin stretched over sinewy lean muscle, his once long curly black hair, shorn shorter than the traditions of our tribe and falling wildly in silky soft corkscrews over his pronounced brow. The lines of stress marring his perfect face, his lips held in a grimace as he considers this latest threat to the tribe he is spiritually bound to protect. This beautiful, perfectly imperfect man, who in a matter of months has treated me better than so many others who've flitted throughout my life.
A man that I know is deserving of the pure love he exudes.
"Sam…" I trail off before I lean in, and I give him time to deny me, especially since I have been putting him off for weeks now. He doesn't, he cups his hands around my face and pulls me to him, pressing our lips together.
His mouth is as warm as the rest of him, and when his tongue traces the seam of my lips, I part them, and he tentatively touches his tongue to mine. We continue to kiss until breathing becomes an issue, and we slow down our kissing and eventually rest our foreheads against each other.
"I don't want to keep pushing you away. I want to be here, with you. I just..." I whisper and his thumbs trace my cheeks, "I just don't know where I belong. This used to be my home, but now I don't know if I should be here..."
"Stay, please. I don't want to take your choices away, but I also don't want you to go. Paul wants you here. Leah, Charlie, Seth, Jared, Kim, Emily, Quil, Embry… even Jacob, we all want you here. Please stay, and please just be with me."
"Sam-"
"I'd never understood imprinting, and I wasn't even sure I wanted it. I watched Paul lose his imprint, and Jared find his. I'd been a shifter for years and had never experienced it. I kept believing that the spirits would send me the perfect person when the time was right because I wanted that type of happiness. Please give me a chance. Please stay. Please stay with me."
"I don't want to keep putting people I care about in danger."
"Birdie, stay here with me. The pack and I can keep everyone safe. I'm not above begging you. I've been looking for you. You were always meant to be here with me." He pleads.
I realize how easy it will be to love this man, the strong warrior, the Alpha wolf, the kind and gentle soul.
"Okay." I barely whisper sand his dark hazel eyes crinkle at the edges as his face breaks out in a wide smile.
"You'll stay here with me?" He asks.
"I need to talk to Charlie to make sure he's okay with it, but yes I want to stay."
"I'll be there with you when you talk to him, if you want. I'll be there for all of it, Birdie." He says, and for a moment I see the young man he still is, instead of the pack leader he was forced to become.
"I also need to talk to Jake to make sure he's okay if I stay."
His eyebrows furrow and he looks adorably confused, "Why would Jake need to be okay with you staying?"
"He needs to know that I am accepting the imprint."
Sam doesn't speak, instead he pulls me to him and kisses me deeply. When we break apart, I can feel him smiling against my lips, and I can't help but return it.
"You accept our imprint?" He asks when he leans back to look at me.
I nod, "I accept your imprint, Samuel Uley. I choose to be with you."
"Do you think he's a threat to me?" I ask shakily once we were back on the road to La Push.
"The messy haired tick?" Sam growls.
"Yes." I counter without looking at him.
He's kept one hand on his steering wheel, while the other stays entwined with mine, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on my hand.
"Yes. His predator instinct is engaged when it comes to you. I need to find out why."
I felt sick to my stomach and through our bond I felt Sam's apprehension on top of mine, "How do we find out?"
"I'll need to go see Billy when we get back. As of now, the Cullens have not broken the treaty, but I need to prepare the pack to be alert of any activity from them." He replied.
"I'm scared, Sam."
"You know that Ill never let anyone hurt you. I'll do everything in my power to ensure these bloodsuckers stay away from you." He says as he squeezes my hand.
We sit in silence for a while, both of us lost in thought when suddenly a thought crept into my mind, "Our imprint didn't take you away from someone else, did it?"
"You know that leech was lying, don't you?" He asks as he pulls the truck to the side of the road. He turns to look at me and takes both of my hands in his own, "Sweetheart, there's no one but you. No one." He stresses.
"I mean, even if it's not a relationship. Maybe a hookup? I mean I'm not like that, but it's okay if you are... I just don't sleep around... I don't mean to sound judgmental... there's nothing wrong with sex, its not like I could judge you when I'm not even a virgin myself..." I sigh and Sam brings my hand to his mouth and presses a kiss to it.
"It doesn't matter to me, it's your past." He argues, "Birdie, I don't care how many partners you had before-"
"No, I'm giving you the wrong idea. We've never stayed in one place very long, and I didn't ever get close enough to someone, not before Michael, and he was my boyfriend for over a year, and my one and only. It meant something to me."
"I had a girlfriend when I turned, a girl named Kenna. I'd dated her since we were fourteen, and we'd lost our virginity to each other right after I'd turned sixteen. A few nights later, I shifted for the first time, and it never happened again." He replies.
"You broke up?" I ask quietly and he nods.
"Yeah. It took me a couple of months to shift back. I had no idea what was happening, I was terrified, I just stayed a wolf and ran from here to Canada. No one ever warned me this would happen, so when I finally came back to La Push, I saw Old Quil, he's literally our oldest elder, Quil's grandfather. He helped me shift back, and he explained that the legends were real, and that even though shifting had skipped an entire generation there must be vampires that were in the area to trigger the gene. It's not like I could tell Kenna I was a fucking wolf, and after ghosting her for months she'd already moved on. I've dated a little bit since her, but the more I learned about being a shifter, the more I realized if I were to get serious with someone they would only get hurt. I'm also not a casual sex guy, Birdie. It means something to me too, and she is the only person I've ever had sex with."
"Wow."
Sam chuckles and presses his lips to mine again, "As crazy as it sounds, instinctually I've always been looking for you."
"You were the only shifter?" I asked.
He shrugged, "Yeah, it was just me for a while, but when we had more nomads who were looking for a safe area to settle it triggered Jared and Paul. Then nothing until the Cullen's came back, and ever since it's been triggering people. If his whole family is back, we're likely going to get more wolves."
"This is all my fault, if I were to just leave-"
"No. They would eventually come back regardless. They're protected here, they have come back for generations. Besides, didn't you just agree to stay here with me?" He glances over at me and smiles briefly, "We're going to be okay, Birdie. I mean it, there's no way he gets to you anymore. This ends now."
"Would you have done this if I weren't your imprint?" I ask and he squeezes our entwined hands again.
"Of course, I would, I'm a protector of our tribe."
He kisses me again, and for several minutes we stay lost in each other. Eventually we pull apart and Sam eases the truck off the embankment and back onto the road. Neither of us say anything more, instead just watching the night fly by outside of the windows of my truck.
For the first time in so long, I feel safe.
