AN: Happy Holidays to all who celebrate. May you find peace and joy in the season.

Chapter 13: Present Past

The sunlight bled through the closed blinds, leaving slivers of light in a striped pattern across the planes of his hard chest. There was no sheet or blanket covering us, the warmth of his body was more than enough, and the fan whirring above us cooled the sheen of sweat that covered us. Even while sleeping, Sam kept me safe, with his large arm wrapped around me. One of my legs was twisted between his, and his chest rose and fell with each soft snore. My Sam was relaxed, looking like the twenty-one-year-old he is in sleep, instead of the man he was forced to become at the tender age of sixteen. I smile as I think back to last night, when I'd finally given myself completely to the man I love, the person who completes me in every way, my soulmate. We'd made love twice, and then his wolf had taken over the third time, and the hard and passionate way he took me was capped off by another sink of his teeth into the mark on my shoulder.

His mark.

I carefully slipped from his hold, padding over to the single bathroom inside his small apartment. I looked at myself in the mirror, surprised to find the mark had healed and left only faded lines from his teeth, showing me I was his.

My mate.

After relieving myself, I'd pulled on one of his discarded t-shirts and my panties from last night and walked across the small space to the kitchen. I found eggs in the refrigerator, and enough bread to make some French toast. It's obvious that Sam doesn't often eat here, instead having most of his meals with me or at Emily's. Paul's girlfriend is wonderful, even though she's almost twenty-three and has her own house, she never makes Paul feel inferior for being a twenty-year-old with no firm plans after graduating from high school over a year ago. I've learned that patrolling, his part time job at the small grocery store owned by the Ateara's and his construction work caused college to take a back seat, and it's only with Emily's patient and kind encouragement that he's considering taking classes with me.

She's his chosen mate.

That makes me think of Jake, and he decision to choose me as his mate. We'd been through a lot over the years, and he was always my constant when things with Renee were spiraling out of control. While I loved him with everything I had, it was the love of a brother or friend, and not the romantic love I share with Sam. I've never intended to lead Jake on, if anything I thought I had been relatively clear that I wanted to only be his friend, at least while there were hundreds of miles between us. However, I also never implicitly discouraged his obvious crush on me, especially once I came back to La Push earlier this summer, where his overly affectionate way with me was excused as part of our friendship.

"It was Jake." I murmur as I whisk the eggs.

"Last night?" Sam's deep voice startled me, but I relax as his arms wrap around me. His scent is all consuming, and I breathe him in.

"Yeah. The howls."

He nods against me, "Yes. I didn't realize it, but I think he could feel the bond he had for you breaking with you and I sealing the imprint. I didn't send it to him in any way, I assure you. I'm sorry."

I turn to face him, "No. We're not apologizing for the imprint anymore. Sam, what we have is beyond an imprint. The wolf may have imprinted, but the humans fell in love."

"You're right. My wolf would have always been in your life in some way, but it's me who loves you." He presses his lips sweetly to mine.

"I've tried to tell him that even if this imprint hadn't happened, I still would have fallen for you."

"He knows." Sam replies. He moves my hair off my shoulder and pulls the shirt of his that I'm wearing to the side so he can see his mark, "We talked on the way back last night. He thanked me for keeping my thoughts guarded, and he told me that even with me keepimg my mind on lockdown he could tell how deep our bond is. The fact that we waited so long to become physical proved to him that this wasn't just lust."

"Do you think he and I will ever be close again, like we were before? I miss him, Sam."

"I know you do, Birdie. I do believe that you two will be close again. He will hurt from the broken bond, but when that heals, he'll feel the friendship again. Even with how he's been behaving, I know that he misses you too. Things will get better." He replies.

I sighed, hoping he was right.

Charlie helped me with the financial aid forms for college a few days later, and Sam held my hand as I explained to my uncle, Tiffany and my brothers that I had made the difficult decision to allow our tribe's Shaman to put me into a trance with the hope of exposing any information I may have blocked due to the thrall of the cold ones.

I'd spent more time with Kim and Emily while Leah worked with Jared and Paul to learn to control her wolf. Even though Leah's transformation was a bit easier than the boys, she was still struggling with self-control. I missed my friend, more than I could have imagined, but I respected Sam's request that I keep my distance with Leah just like I had with Jake when he shifted. I'd remained in contact with Jess and Angela, and as expected both women were doing their best to support their mates. I was enjoying the normalcy of actual friendships, and my relationship with my brothers and uncle were stronger than ever.

However, Jake remained distant.

A bonfire was scheduled for the weekend before school started, and when the Cullen's reached out to Billy Black to report a violation of the treaty between the tribe and their coven, I was shocked to the core to find out it was allegedly because of me. Edward had claimed that I was his mate, and he had further alleged that our mate bond was broken by Sam marking me. As much as Sam guarded our private moments, they were now being made public because of this new threat from the coven. Patrols were upped, and Charlie now knew everything about my relationship with Sam and how it was impacting the decades old treaty with the Cullen's.

I now had an overprotective mate, two overprotective brothers and an overprotective uncle watching me like hawks.

With my family's support, I finally had found the courage to reach out to Renee. As difficult as my relationship is with her, she is still my mother, and she deserved to hear my decision to remain in La Push directly from me. I called, left voicemails, sent texts and even an email, all of which remained unanswered. I was concerned that she'd overdosed, and after a tearful conversation with Tiffany and Embry I finally relented and accepted their help in tracking her down. My uncle and other brother joined the effort, as well as Sam, and finally the elders of our tribe but we just couldn't ever pin her down. I had been trying to keep my stepfather out of anything to do with Renee, but Charlie had gently explained we no longer had a choice, and Phil had readily agreed to go find her once Charlie had explained that I hadn't heard from her at all in the months since leaving Florida. Phil went to the home he'd once shared with her and found it empty, and he'd asked her former employer and some of her less than savory friends for her whereabouts, but no one had seen or heard from her in weeks.

Ironically, the last time my mother had been in contact with anyone was right before Sam's confrontation with the Cullens that day in Forks. Charlie and Phil helped me officially file a missing person's report, and I worried endlessly about my mother.

"I owe you an apology."

The familiar sound of his voice still startled me, especially since he'd been avoiding me for weeks now. I'd just gotten home from work, a rare evening completely alone since Charlie had just left for his overnight shift, Sam was patrolling the rez with Paul, and Tiffany and Embry had gone to the Makah rez to visit family.

It was unseasonably warm, and I'd been sitting on our porch engrossed in a book when Jake approached, "How are you all so quiet?" I asked as I peered up at him.

"Have to be when hunting leeches." Jake retorted, "Bells, I've been such an asshole."

"Jake, if I did anything to lead you on-"

"No, Bells, please just hear me out. You were right, your brothers are right, fuck, even Sam's right, this is on me. In my head, the last year or so leading up to you coming here... I treated our friendship as more than it is. You've told me mulitple times that our friendship was too important to blur lines. I assumed that once distance wasn't an issue, you'd want to be with me." He sighs and scrubs a hand across his face, "I've pushed for it to be more than it is."

"Jake, the lines were definitely blurred. When Michael and I broke up, I wasn't ready to jump into another serious relationship. But when we knew I was definitely coming back to La Push I should have told you that then-"

"You didn't need to tell me, I knew. I just was too stubborn to believe it... and I have been a complete dick to Sam this entire time. Even if you were with me, the imprint would have happened. The fact that the two of you held off on advancing your relationship for as long as you did while imprinted is unheard of. Even Leah and Paul, who had no romantic feelings for each other prior to the imprint, struggled with the pull. You already liked Sam from the jump, and he absolutely knew he'd imprinted, yet you both held back to give me time. And I still treated both of you like shit. I'm so sorry, Bells."

"I'm sorry too, Jake, for all of it." I reply and I move off the porch towards him. In a matter of seconds he's pulled me into his arms and we hold onto each other, "I've missed you so much."

"Same." He murmured before pressing his lips to the crown of my head, then resting his chin there.

We stood there like that for what felt like a long time, only breaking apart when we heard the familiar sounds of a wolf phasing back to their human form. Sam approached us slowly, regarding us with his hazel eyes, a look of confusion on his face.

"Everything okay?" He asks and I meet his eyes, "Birdie, have you been crying?"

"Happy tears." I reply and he flits his eyes from me to Jake.

"I'm on duty, see you later Bells." Jake grinned at me then looked to Sam, "Ready for debriefing?"

Sam kissed my lips chastely, "Be right back, Birdie."

I watched as the two of them walked into the woods, where I knew they would both phase so Sam could debrief and pass duty over to Jake, who would patrol with Quil for the next several hours. I settled back into the porch swing with my book, and it's a matter of minutes before I hear heavy steps approaching and I look up to see that Embry has joined me.

"Whatcha reading?" He asks as he drops down next to me.

"Wuthering Heights." I reply, showing him the well copy I have kept for years.

"Looks like you need a new copy." He remarked and I shook my head.

"Phil gave me this, it used to be his mother's. Even though he's not my biological dad, he and his family always treated me like I was. It's a vintage copy, and I couldn't imagine leaving it behind."

Embry moves closer and throws an arm around the back of the swing. We read together, the love of literature is something we've found that we shared, and he and I would spend hours just like this. Paul often remarked it should have been obvious that Em and I are siblings with how much the two of us had in common. Both of us were on the shyer side, a bit introverted, always considered mature for our age and we would lounge around quietly reading when Paul couldn't sit still. I glance over to where I'd seen Sam and Jake heading, but before I could ask Embry where they went a howl sounded and my brother scrambled off the porch and ran into the woods.

Once again, I was alone with nothing more than my worried thoughts.

Old Quil was more than an elder, he was also the oldest living Shaman of the Quileute tribe, and he'd been preparing the cleansing trance for days. I was asked to bring those who were closest to me in to form a sacred circle, and I chose Sam, Charlie, Paul, Tiffany, Embry, Leah, and Jake. Even though the friendship I had with Jake was still healing, he still knew more than anyone about my life through our lifetime friendship, and his hand was curled with one of mine when the ceremony began.

I was given a strong, herbal scented liquid to drink, and the cabin we were in was filled with a fragrant smoke as Old Quil began speaking in a tongue I could barely recognize. I'd grown up with the Quileute language, but most of the words sung from his cracked lips I didn't know, and I allowed them to mesmerize me. The warmth of Jake and Sam's hands in mine, the peace I could feel from my family, and the unconditional love from everyone in the cabin with me allowed me to finally let go, and suddenly I was in a completely different place.

It was my bedroom in Oceanside California, the first place we'd lived when Renee fled the rez with just the clothes on our back and an old station wagon. The room was officially a closet, no windows, barely room for a twin sized mattress directly on the floor, and a door that never kept out the noises of my mother having sex with whoever she was in love with at that moment. I would cover my ears with my hands, and hum songs that I'd learned from Sarah Black when Jake and I were kids.

Scene after scene changed, all various snippets of the nomadic life we lived. It was pieces of a broken life, of a child forced to grow up too fast while taking care of her mother and whatever boyfriend she had. Pulling needles from their limp arms, sitting them up so they wouldn't choke on the inevitable vomit that would come, searching pockets, cushions, and the floor for any change I could scrounge together to walk to the corner store and buy a pack of bologna or packages of instant noodles. A little girl forcing the tiny bits of nourishment I could find into my mother, making her sip water so she wouldn't die.

Eventually, Renee had met Phil, and I had a father for the first time in my short life. Phil moved us into his house, which was a mansion compared to the horrible apartments or trailers we'd always lived in. I finally had three meals a day, clean clothes, hygiene supplies and even medical insurance. It was Phil who took me to my first ever dental appointment, and he is who paid for my braces and every other thing a growing child could need or want. Phil gave me my first cell phone, and had explained that he wanted to be sure I always had a way to reach him. That cell phone gave me my first bit of freedom, and using it's internet access allowed me to find my best childhood friend back in La Push.

I saw the late nights that Jake and I would talk, in sweet whispers, catching up on the life I desperately wanted to return to. It was those years that Edward Cullen first appeared. I watched as a shocked spectator to a one-sided relationship that would span every move Renee and I made, and how it would start anew each time. Somehow he and Alice had made me forget each encounter with them, and each time I attended a new school I would somehow meet them. Edward caused me to become addicted to him, suffering from withdrawals much like Renee's when he and I were apart.

I also watched in disgust as small amounts of my blood was drawn, so Edward could take a droplet of it any time we were apart.

He had drunk from me, in small unnoticeable doses, for over three years. His thrall had caused my addiction, and it had been left in small and unnoticeable ways every time our paths would cross. I watched in horror as he touched and violated my semi-conscious body without my knowledge right before I finally left Jacksonville to make the cross-country trip to Forks. He'd been meticulously grooming me this entire time, causing me to become addicted. I was mortified when I witnessed Edward Cullen touching me inappropriately while I was under his spell as his sister Alice Cullen had a casual conversation with my mother in the next room.

I now also heard a conversation between these two cold ones and my mother, where it became painfully obvious that my own mother had effectively sold me to these vampires. They had been providing her with a hefty stipend for my entire life, which she used to buy her drugs, while allowing them access to her only child.

A child she knew carried another rare Quiluete gene that gave me a physical and mental shield.

It was not evident how the Cullen's learned about this shield, however we witnessed many conversations between them and my mother, where she allowed them unlimited access to me as long as they fed her habit. When she gave me permission to visit Phil for the summer, she had already known he was sending me to Forks to meet my family, and Renee made the arrangements with Alice and Edward Cullen to have access to me in the very town she'd first met them in.

What she didn't know was that my uncle no longer lived in Forks, instead he lived on the reservation she had fled from, effectively protecting me from the vampire coven she'd willingly sold me to.

Edward Cullen had been planting thrall in subtle ways since my move to La Push, mostly when he followed me any time I was outside of the rez, however it was wearing off due to his inability to enter the rez because of the treaty.

Any time I would start to withdraw from him, he or his sister would show up, and that day in the Forks coffee shop was no different. I had never once remembered meeting either of them, no matter how many times our paths would cross.

I certainly never remembered being a sexual assault victim.

The memories are fading away, but I can hear the murmur of conversation around me. I can hear the words "rape" "broken" and "treaty". I can feel Sam's anger through our bond, and when I wake, I'm lying in his arms, with my face pressed into his neck.

"Sam." I whisper.

"It's okay, Birdie. We're okay." He murmurs into my skin, "I love you. He will never do this again. I will kill him myself."

"We've got to rid her of the thrall." Old Quil's gravelly voice breaks through, "It's going to be ugly. I'll have to ask you all to leave for it."

"No!" I shout, finding my voice, "I need Sam."

"I'm not leaving her." Sam rumbles. I exchange goodbyes with each of my family and friends, and when Jake leans closer to me, Sam growls lowly.

"Alpha, I mean no harm." Jake says. Sam nods and Jake pushes my sweaty hair back from my face, "I will be here when this is over. You are my best friend; nothing more, and never anything less. I've got you."

"Thank you." I reply through tears.

When Jake presses his warm lips to my forehead, I see flashes of our childhood. Sam holds onto my trembling body, but he relaxes as the bonds of my friendship with Jake are restored.

"Alpha," He bows his head in respect to Sam, who returns the gesture before Jake walks away.

I don't remember much from there, other than screams ripping from me without my permission, violent shaking, sweat drenching my clothes and pain.

So much pain.

I eventually passed out.

I woke up in Sam's bed, wearing his clothes, and swathed in blankets. We never used them, so this told me he was away, and I tentatively stretched an arm out to check the bed and found it to be empty.

I got up slowly and walked out of his bedroom. There was a dim light on in his small living room, and I saw Leah curled up on the couch, reading.

"Lee-Lee." I say and her eyes meet mine, "Where's my Sam?"

"Hey you," she says as she approaches me, "how are you feeling?"

"Hungry." I answer honestly and she grins at me.

"You've been withdrawing from the thrall for almost a week, you're due a good meal. I had to kick Sam out, his incessant worrying was making me crazy. Same with Jake, they're like two helicopter mothers, fussing over their baby girl. They're on patrol, where they will remain until I have you properly bathed and fed."

I don't argue with her when she forces me into a bubble bath in Sam's small tub, and she leaves the bathroom door open as she makes us some sandwiches. She talks the entire time, telling me about her imprint with Jessica, and how understanding and wonderful her mate has been since finding out she's a shifter. As Leah rambles on, I smile, happy for my friend and am thankful for the sense of normalcy. She fusses over me slightly, just making sure I don't fall when getting out of the tub and handing me some clothes to change into.

"They're all yours, I grabbed them from Charlie's." She said as she helped me comb through my messy wet hair, braiding it back and then leading me to the table.

We ate sandwiches, with Leah eating three to my one, and I realize she has the same wolf appetite as my Sam.

"Is he okay, Lee-Lee?" I ask and her brown eyes meet mine.

"He's obsessed with finding Cullen, and finding out if these rogues are with him. Jake is too. You'll be happy to know that this whole experience has helped the issues between him and Jake. They're in some sort of bromance now." She chuckled.

"They were already getting better before this."

"Better, yeah, but now that Jake's romantic bond to you is gone those two are much closer. They have a common enemy, and different levels of love for you. It's good, I promise you." Leah says, "I have some of mom's peach cobbler and I've been hiding it just for you." She grins before heading to the fridge to pull some out, putting it in bowls and into the microwave to warm.

Leah and I just talk, and her not pushing me somehow helps me to talk about everything that happened. She tells me the withdrawal was harsh, with me vomiting uncontrollably for days, sweating through everything they'd put on me, and tremors that would almost shake the entire apartment. Tiffany, Charlie, Paul, Embry, Jake, Sam and she were here constantly, taking shifts helping me, and today was the first day I'd woken up without any pain or nausea.

I can feel the pull between Sam and me and Leah looks over at me knowingly, "He'll be home soon."

I hear the laughter and easy conversation as Jake and Sam lumber up the stairs to his apartment, and when Sam sees me he immediately pulls me up into his arms, and buries his face in my neck next to my mark.

"Birdie." He murmurs and presses his lips there briefly, causing me to shiver, "I've missed you so much."

"You've been here every day." Leah calls from the kitchen, where she is making more sandwiches.

"She's been a puking mess." Jake says before snagging the crust from my sandwich that I'd left on my plate.

"I was saving that, asshole." I swat at Jake, and he laughs.

"You are the only person I've ever met who saves the crusts for last. Weirdo." He replies.

"It is weird." Sam agrees.

"She's good with weird." Leah laughs.

My friends and family were still overprotective, and patrols were around the clock, but the end of summer bonfire was something we wouldn't miss, and I was adamant that I would help as I had initially planned. When Angela and I were at the Ateara grocery store on the rez, we quickly realized they didn't have the stock on hand to satisfy the huge appetites we were planning to feed.

Angela's mother worked at one of the restaurant supply stores near Forks, and she was willing to let Angela and I shop while she was there working, so we grabbed Leah to satisfy what we'd jokingly dubbed our wolf requirement to head out for a quick trip. Almost immediately after my session with Old Quil, the Cullen's had disappeared, and the pack found their house empty, with moving vans picking up the few things left behind in a garage. A call to their coven leader had confirmed that the coven had indeed moved, and their leader had once again apologized for his "children" and swore they would have their own leadership handle the accusations we had made.

l'd been feeling much better, between the love and support from my family and friends, the therapist that Tiffany had found for me, and my sessions with Old Quil I felt like I was finally reaching a breakthrough, however things had been tense between Sam and me ever since my subsequent sessions with Old Quil. Sam had not only seen all my darkest moments, but he'd also watched just how dependent Jake and I had once been on each other. The two of them may have gotten closer, but doubt had crept into his mind about how much of my feelings for him and choice of a partner were due to the imprint. Especially since these sessions with Old Quil revealed the depth of my past feelings for Jake, and how close the two of us were to taking our friendship into something more up until the imprint with Sam.

It was as if the progress we'd made in the human aspect of our relationship was null and void, and I missed how things were before. Sam and I still worked together at the station, and now that the imprint was common knowledge we'd spent every night together, but we were strained, and I hated it.

"He loves you." Angela said quietly as we navigated around the huge warehouse type store, "Embry said that he's never seen anything like the bond you and Sam have."

"Sam is starting to believe it's only the imprint. Ang, we'd been so open with each other before the cleanse, we'd agreed that regardless of an imprint we would have still fallen in love with each other but seeing my memories with Jake has gotten to him."

"When's the last time you and Sam have done anything together that wasn't work or pack related?" She asked and I shrugged, "You're still together every day and night, right?"

"Yeah, but we just work, eat or sleep." I sighed.

"You're at least having sex, right?" She asked quietly.

"Not since the night of my birthday bonfire." I admitted with a blush.

"Bella, you've not even... been intimate... since then?" She asked and I shook my head.

"He comes to sleep in between patrol shifts, but sometimes the only reason I even know he was there because the pillow smells like him. He shows up when I'm asleep and leaves before I wake up. We see each other at the station, but it's all work. We do pack meetings, but it's all business, and we haven't had any private time to just be us."

She puts some stuff in the cart and then stops me from pushing, "You need a date. I'll get Embry to help, he can arrange for pack mates to cover Sam's patrols, and we can get the two of you some uninterrupted time together." She smiles.

"I don't want to take time from anyone else-"

"Stop that." She scolds, "You two need this. It's fine."

I smile at her and then hug her, "Thank you."

"Oh, we forgot ketchup, I'll run to pick it up." She offers.

"I'm heading to go grab the hamburger and hot dog buns." I reply and we go our separate ways.

I am looking over the numerous bread choices when a deep voice with a southern drawl interrupts my thoughts, "Excuse me, I just needed a package of these." He reaches over my head for a bag of buns, "These are the best, they're made with potatoes, isn't that so strange?"

I feel a sense of warm calmness, and I take a deep breathe before answering, "Potato bread is delicious." I reply, not recognizing my own voice, "You seem familiar, do I know you?"

He turns to look at me and I see dark amber eyes. There's a twinge of recognition, and a palpable fear creeping in, but then that feeling of calm and serenity blankets me, "Bella Swan, as I live and breathe," He drawls out and his lips turn up in an easy grin, "my heart is breaking. You don't remember me, darlin'?"

His southern accent is pronounced, and I notice he's passing a toothpick between his perfectly white teeth, "Ummm..."

"Jasper Whitlock, my brother and I lived next to your family back in San Antonio, the little blue house on Archer Street." His dark eyes sparkle, "I thought you said you were movin' to Jacksonville, darlin', it's funny we're runnin' into each other in this little west coast town."

Fuzzy memories flitter by, remembering another man, older and slightly broader than the man in front of me. The other man had darker blonde hair, and would usually have his arm wrapped around a smaller blonde woman, "Charlotte." I murmur and Jasper chuckles.

"Of course you remember my crazy sister-in-law, everyone remembers her. She makes a hell of a lasting impression."

"How are you here?" I ask, shaking my head and trying to clear the fog. I can see Jasper's lips moving, and feel my head nodding as I pass him my phone.

"Great, I'll have my sister-in-law send you all the information. I just sent ya a text so you have my number too. Nice seeing ya again darlin', and I know Char and Peter are just gonna he tickled pink ta see you. We'll get everything scheduled out." He makes a gesture like he's tipping a hat towards me and grins.

In a flash he's gone. I shake my head, trying to get my bearings and then notice a package of potato buns in my cart. I narrowed my eyes, wondering how I was even able to reach them on the higher shelf.

"We'll need more than just that one pack." Angela grins at me as her almost six foot frame reaches for the top shelf and pulls off several more packages of rolls. We fall into our easy conversation again, and the strange encounter with my former neighbor is completely forgotten.