Yes, I am still alive, imagine that. Well, this chapter will be a bit different, for once I am not actually sure how many jokes it will have and if and. And well, it will also not have any form of Space Marine, which to be fair, should be obvious considering the title of this chapter. Anyway, I hope you can still derive some kind of enjoyment from this chapter.

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It was just another dreary breakfast during which people were too scared to loudly talk with each other they had to suffer under the thumb of that ministry bitch Umbridge. Ron hated the woman with a passion and would have preferred nothing more than smashing her stupid head in but even he knew that he couldn't let his anger show too much. Still, it annoyed him to no end that they had failed to do anything to that tyrannical woman. Wistfully his thoughts turned to Harry, his best friend that had disappeared months ago, if he was here everything would be different but sadly that was not to be, for wherever he was it was certainly not he-

His thoughts were interrupted by something that could only be called a portal forming in the middle of the great hall. Everyone turned their attention to the portal and the smart ones carefully pointed their wands at it. When the lights disappeared they left behind... a thing. That was all Ron could describe it at, roughly Humanoid in shape it was roughly 2 Metres tall and looked to be almost entirely made out of metal parts. Most of its body was covered with a deep green-black Robe that gave the figure a strange priestly look. Letting his gaze wander over the rest of its body Ron could make out multiple snarling silver Lions heads. With a shudder, Ron realized that its Legs looked awfully similar to that of a spider. The, was it a head, of the creature turned left and right a few times before finally landing on a scared first year Slytherin near it. A voice, devoid of all Humanity and emotion suddenly filled the great hall.''

''Inquiry, what is this place?''

For a moment it seemed as if the boy was too scared to speak but it seemed he was even more scared of what would happen to him should he not speak he finally answered. ''T-t-this is H-hogwarts''

''Additional inquiry, date required.''

''D-do you mean what year it is?'' When the mechanical monstrosity simply continued to stare at him he quickly continued. ''We have 1996.''

''Searching memories. Confirmed time period, this is the era of my birth. Spontaneous time travel improbable, suspecting chaos influence. Searching for scrap code.''

None of the creatures strange made any sense to any of them but non of them were brave enough to interrupt the... thing.

''Search complete, all systems free of scrap code, data banks remain uncompromised.'' The creature's gaze once again shifted until it landed on their 'esteemed' new headmistress, slowly and with many clinking steps it made it's way over to her. ''Are you the flesh bag in charge of this place?''

This seemed to finally snap her out of her stupor ''HOW DARE YOU, I AM DOLORES UMBRIDGE, UNDERSECRETARY OF THE MINISTER AND HEADMISTRESS OF THIS SCHOOL. I DO NOT ALLOW SOME FILTHY NON HUMAN ABOMINATION TO SPEAK WITH ME LIK-''

Her rant was quickly cut short but one of the Monster's tentacles putting itself right through her skull. ''Insult not tolerated, witch terminated, praise be to the Omnissiah.''

He slowly turned his head to Hermione, who was looking at him with eyes widened by shock ''I think we might be in a lot of trouble.'', she just nodded slowly.

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The fight had been going extremely well for Voldemort, his Troops had quickly overwhelmed Hogwarts defenders. With the old man not at the school and his nemesis nowhere to be found he had felt confident to take the school in one surprising strike. And it had worked like a dream, the students and teachers had no Idea what hit them and quickly the werewolves and Giant he had send ahead had started the slaughter. The gruesome deaths of their friends only scared the others more and so resistance was very sporadic. Only around the great hall was there any form of true resistance but even that should not hold out long, soon he would be victorious.

At least that was what Voldemort had thought until he suddenly saw a few of the werewolves collapse. At first, he thought they had gotten hit by spells until he saw death eaters close to him collapse as well, scratching their throats and faces in panic while blood poured out of their mouths. His mind racing Voldemort quickly created an air bubble around his head and noticed with relief that it seemed that he had acted right. A mere few seconds later no one but him and a few death Eaters that had the same idea remained standing, around them lay the corpses of both friend and foe, their faces twisted in agony.

Slowly the doors to the great hall opened and a single... thing stepped outside. Behind the figure could see the horrified faces of the surviving students that had sought refuge inside the hall. Suddenly Professor McGonagall started screaming at the monstrosity. ''THAT IS WHAT YOU CALL A PLAN, YOU MONSTER, YOU KILLED THEM ALL, THE DEATH EATERS AND OUR STUDENTS.''

The thing did not even turn around to answer ''Expression, confusion. Results positive, loss rate of student body through application of poison 16,7%, foes loss rate likely exceeding 90%, great success, Omnissiah be praised.''

Even Voldemort was shocked by the sheer emotionless coldness expressed in the monster's words and resolved to immediately kill it before it could harm him. The moment he raised his wand though he could feel the tiniest of pains in his stomach and with horror saw a tiny needle sticking out of it. Without any moment of hesitation, the create followed up its sneak attack by unloading a futuristic-looking... thing from another of its many arms. His body already wracked by convulsions Voldemort was unable to put up more than a weak shield to stop the arc of lightning flying towards him. The shield instantly shattered evaporating the Dark Lord and any surviving death eaters still near him into nothingness.''

Voldemorts Mind was filled with rage, once again he was doomed to wander as something less than a ghost until he could find himself another body.

''Interesting, the body died but the soul lives on, likely achieved through heretical means, further investigation required.''

And before Voldemort had the chance to react the figure raised one of its hands carrying a long staff and the air crackled with eldritch energy. Not understanding what was happening and tormented by agonizing pain Voldemort's soul got sucked inside the Body of the monstrosity.

''Excitement, new research project, laboratory required.''

Always the opportunist, Lucius Malfoy, one of the few death eaters quick enough to escape a gruesome death addressed the mechanical figure respectfully. ''If I might make a suggestion, my name is Lucius Malfoy and I currently should be the richest person in this country. If I may be so bold, I would be able to provide the necessary finances to create your laboratory.''

The Figure turned its gaze towards him ''Patronage of High Noble appreciated, compensation?''

Lucius who had mostly tried to make sure his own life was preserved allowed himself a small internal smile, this was going even better than he had hoped.

''It would be already enough for me if you would share a few of your results with me and maybe once in a while helped me with my businesses should I require... special help.''

The Figure just looked at him for a few seconds and Lucius did his best to keep down his nervousness.

''Terms agreeable. In return for patronage, limited access to my research and occasional personal help shall be granted.''

Relief spread itself inside Lucius and steeling his nerves he walked up to the machine man and offered his hand ''To a prosperous relationship.''

After looking at his hand for a few seconds the man slowly extended one of his two human-looking hands, the one not holding the staff. Lucius could feel cold metal engulf his hands and he gave the figure in front of him a smile, the figure in turn gave a small nod with its head ''Offer of companionship appreciated, friendly relationship taken under consideration, further data required.''

''Do you still need to retrieve anything from the castle?''

''Negative.''

''Then shall we leave this place?''

''As the Omnissiah wills it.''

And with those words, Lucius turned and made his way towards the bounds of Hogwarts, his new business partner right behind him.

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''Hey Hermione?''

Looking up from yet another corpse, another person they couldn't save she turned to Ron. ''What is it Ron?''

''Could you pick up the telephan?''

She just stared at him confused. ''The word you are looking for is telephone Ron. And what are you even talking about, telephones don't work in Hogwarts.''

''I mean, I just wanted you to pick it up, you know, CAUSE I FUCKING CALLED IT.''

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Well, that is the newest chapter. I assume you now saw what I meant with humor, yeah, I simply didn't really come up with humorous ideas this time. Well, there is that throwaway joke at the end but that is just something small and does not even have much to do with you know, tech-priest stuff but oh well. That is the idea that came to me and that is what I am writing. I probably don't have to point out that this is not exactly lore accurate, though I do wonder if someone recognizes what part of the Mechanicus Harry here is supposed to be.