37.

London, United Kingdom

March 10th, 1944

The morning of Bucky's birthday, he awakens early as per usual. Steve's already gone for the day, but he's left a note on the bedside table wishing Bucky a happy birthday. Bucky picks it up, reading Steve's scrawled handwriting, then flips the note, finding one of Steve's hurried doodles like he used to do in the column of his school books. He's drawn a cartoon-Bucky licking his lips as he holds a whole birthday cake with a bite already missing from the side, and a cartoon-Steve poking his head around the edge of the paper apologizing for being hungry. Bucky laughs aloud, sitting on the edge of his bed smiling at the caricatures.

Eventually he figures he should get ready for the day and puts the drawing in the drawer of his bedside table. He takes a shower, the water scalding on his bare skin, just boiling enough to burn away the dirt and gore and bad dreams. The water drips from his wet hair onto his shirt as he walks back into the bedroom, pausing when he spots a present on the dressing table. He goes up to it and inspects the small card attached to the gift-wrapped present, reading that the gift is from Steve and Isabel, and for him to open it at breakfast in the mess hall.

There's also a very large white envelope addressed to him beside the box, and he recognizes his mother's handwriting. He opens it up, finding a letter from the family and a comic book.

To dearest Bucky,

The happiest of birthdays to you! We hope you are able to make the best of your special day, no matter where you are. It seems like not long ago that you were our little bundle of joy, the bubbling toddler who couldn't pronounce his own name. You have no idea the pride we all feel knowing the hard work and sacrifices you are making for our country. Mama takes great pride in telling all of her friends that you're fighting beside Captain America.

We hope that the Army is serving you well, that you aren't too hungry or sleep-deprived, and most of all that you're safe and happy. Hopefully you're keeping an eye on Isabel.

We didn't get you a present because we know you don't have much use for one wherever you are. We'll have it waiting for you whenever you get home. To tide you over, Robbie bought you a comic book. It's one of his favourites so far and he just had to get you a copy. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at what's inside.

All our love and well wishes,

Ma, Dad, Robbie and Becca

Bucky smiles at the letter and makes a mental note to write back to them later that night. He debates whether to read the comic at the mess hall, since he's technically supposed to be there already, but curiosity gets the better of him and he flicks through it straight away, his jaw dropping.

The comic book is about the adventures of Captain America, something all of them had known about. The comics had first been released when Steve was still travelling on the USO Tour, and he'd told all the men about them. They're a little corny and they portray Steve as extremely patriotic and just, something that he isn't entirely, but they're entertaining, and they get people involved in the war effort, so Bucky supposes it's all worth it. He doesn't expect, however, to find himself and all of the Commandos also included in the drawings. He assumes this isn't the only time they've been featured either, considering their characters are already rather developed and are pretty pivotal to all of the storylines.

He reads a few pages, brow furrowed, finding that some of the information is correct while other parts are totally wrong. He laughs a few times at the dialogue and the sound effects, specifically "wank" when Cap hits someone with the shield, but freezes when he sees himself in a very unflattering position. He does a doubletake, then flicks through to find another full-body drawing of his comic book alter ego.

"What in the world is that?"

Bucky makes his way down the mess hall with his presents in hand where the Commandos are all waiting for him, since he's a good ten minutes late after their agreed time. He enters the room to a chorus of "happy birthday" from the Commandos, who all break into song for their Sergeant, awfully rowdy for so early in the morning.

Isabel jumps from her seat and give him a hug around his present, kissing his cheek. "Happy birthday, Bucky!"

"Thanks, doll," Bucky says, but his lips are pursued into a fine line.

Isabel immediately notices. "What's wrong?"

Bucky rolls his eyes dramatically, taking his assigned seat at the table and putting the present on the floor at his feet. Isabel slips in beside him.

"I can't believe this," Bucky says, opening the comic book in his hands to a few pages in. It takes them a second to realize it's a Captain America comic book from the United States, clearly sent by one of the Barnes family members. Bucky points an accusing finger at a figure standing behind Captain America. "I'm wearing tights!"

Isabel laughs aloud at the sight, the drawn figure of Bucky wearing a navy blue tight and tunic ensemble with double-breasted buttons, similar to the blue jacket he wears on missions, and with bright red boots. He also wears a black mask over his eyes, shielding some of his face, but its undeniably supposed to be Bucky, with a thick head of dark hair and even his casual smirk.

"Oh, don't laugh," Bucky says sourly. "All you fellas are in here, too." He flicks through the pages, and the Commandos see glimpses of their drawn selves on the pages, eerily lifelike and pretty dark in colour scheme. Their costumes are embarrassing in typical comic book fashion, all tight superhero clothing and tights.

"I think we're all wearing tights," Falsworth mutters, trying to get a good look. "Oh, wait. No. Only Cap and Serge. The rest of us are just wearing Army uniforms."

"Least you didn't have to wear tights in real life, Serge," Dugan laughs, mocking Steve's costume from the USO Tour and prompting a glare from the Captain.

"Peggy's in here, too, but I'm not sure if I should tell her for my own safety," Bucky says, pointing out Peggy on one page informing the Commandos of their next mission objective. "Oh, and you're featured as well, Isabel," Bucky mentions, stopping halfway through the book.

On the page, Isabel stands beside Bucky, wearing a slightly more fitted version of the men's basic army uniform – it isn't much different to what she does wear on missions, a white t-shirt, khaki pants and black boots – except the top seems to accentuate her curves. Her hair is still perfectly curled despite being out in a war zone and her lips red. In her hands is a medic pack. She's smiling over at Captain America, her eyes almost looking like hearts.

"You're Captain America's girlfriend," Bucky teases in a dopey, mocking voice, seemingly gotten over his annoyance at his outfit at seeing everyone else wears equally horrible uniforms.

"Is there anything they don't know?" Isabel cries, taking the comic and flicking to the back page, where her and the Captain stand in a hotel-like room in their everyday clothes, holding each other in their arms. "How soppy," Isabel remarks, reading the comic as imaginary-her and Steve say that as long as they're together, they can conquer anything, even the war.

"Hate to break it to you, sis," Bucky says slyly, taking the comic back, "but you and Steve are like that in real life. Couple'a lovesick pups."

"Whatever," Isabel replies, rolling her eyes. "Open your present."

Bucky pulls the present up onto the table, ripping the wrapping paper off to reveal a see-through plastic case, small enough to fit into a backpack. Inside is a tiny telescope made from white metal, the brand "Stark" written along the side.

"Is this a telescope?" Bucky all but gasps, smiling like a kid in a candy store.

"Yep. I told Howard you love space and science, which he greatly appreciated. He said that anytime you want to talk science, feel free to visit him in the lab. He designed this for you so that you could look up at the stars while we were out in the field. It's small enough to fit in your pack without having to take out anything else."

"This is amazing," Bucky breathes. "I've never seen a telescope this small."

"Neither, but here we are. Stark's a genius, he said it was a piece of cake. It isn't powerful enough to see as far as some they're producing nowadays, but if you look at the right time you should be able to see any planet in our solar system and nearby stars," Steve adds, smiling at Bucky who looks ecstatic at his gift.

"I can't wait to use it. Thank you both of you," Bucky smiles, carefully putting the telescope back in its case.

"You're welcome."

The Commandos plus Peggy decide to give Bucky a good time for his birthday, so after a long day of working in the SSR Headquarters, they take him to the Stork Club and buy him all the drinks he can down. They all sit around a large table, drinking and talking and laughing, and for a while all of them forget they're fighting in a war. Bucky sneaks an arm around Peggy's shoulders, and the brunette agent doesn't reject it, leaning a little closer into his side as she keeps up the drinking intake with the rest of the men.

Within a few hours, Bucky is only starting to get tipsy whilst the other Commandos are well-past wasted, the table in front of them littered with empty glasses. Bucky looks a little worried for a while, considering he's downed just as many drinks as the others and all his life he's been a bit of a lightweight. Before he came for the war, he probably would've been passed out by now. But Steve's been drinking as well, and even though he's had a serum, he shows no signs of intoxication, not even flushed cheeks, and Bucky starts to feel a little better. He and Steve can still talk and drink without feeling sick or getting dizzy, so maybe that's a plus.

Bucky leans over to his sister, whose cheeks are a little flushed herself, and whispers quietly so the others can't hear, "I know I was scared and worried about what they did to me, and I still am to some extent. But maybe it's not all bad," Bucky confides in her, tipping his beer glass to her before finishing it off.

"It won't be good for your bank account," Isabel laughs, referring to the rising price of their bar tab.

"True. I'll just have to choose something stronger but cheaper. Like vodka," he says with a shrug.

Bucky leaves the table and Peggy's warmth, returning with a tray of the bar's cheapest but strongest vodka shots. He downs a few, the alcohol seemingly affecting him immediately, but not as much as it probably should have.

After he gets a slight buzz going, Bucky feels the urge to dance, so he gets up and goes to the dancefloor, dragging Peggy along with him. He and Peggy dance a long while, Bucky encircling her in his arms. It's a different type of dancing to what they did at the Christmas party, intimate and slow, and they gaze into each other's eyes for a lot of the songs, smiling contentedly. Peggy eventually rests her head on Bucky's shoulder, breathing in his warmth and allowing herself to just be, to drop all of the expectations placed on her of being a strong-willed agent. She allows herself to just be a woman dancing with a man she'll even go as far to say she loves, because she does. Bucky has waltzed in and swept her off her feet in a way she never believed were possible. She supposes Bucky is the kind of person that has that effect on people, too. Everyone who meets the man loves him. He is just an easy person to love, and Peggy feels honoured she is the one who was granted his love in return.

He may be easy to love, but that also makes him difficult to leave. After hours of drinking and dancing, the clock strikes midnight, and Peggy unwillingly pulls away from Bucky, who looks content to dance for the rest of his life.

"I have to go, darling," Peggy says solemnly. "I have a meeting with Phillips in less than six hours."

Bucky pouts a little, but nods in understanding. "Let me walk you back," Bucky offers.

"I wouldn't dream of it. Stay with your friends and let loose for the night." Peggy kisses his lips swiftly, leaving a faint red stain. "I hope you enjoyed your birthday."

"I did. It's always a good day when you're with me," Bucky flirts.

Peggy laughs. "Smooth, Bucky. I'll see you tomorrow."

With one more kiss, she departs, only stopping to request that Steve make sure Bucky makes it safely to bed at the end of the night. Steve promises dutifully, even calling Peggy ma'am for added effect, before the agent leaves into the cold night air.

Bucky comes back to the table, looking dejected and much less happy than he had two minutes before. The Commandos tease him about his girl, but Bucky takes it all in his stride, laughing at their comments. He orders another round of drinks to replenish the buzz in his system, immediately feeling his head cloud once again.

He goes back to the dance floor, immediately finding a swarm of single women surrounding him. He has his pick of dames, choosing a red-haired Brit and pulling her into his arms. There's nothing in it, of course, but Bucky's always been a terrible flirt and a talented dancer, a pair of characteristics that seem to go hand-in-hand. The other Commandos watch intently as the Sergeant effortlessly picks up the girl and starts swinging her around the dance floor to the music, barely skipping a beat to the song they've never heard before.

"Agent Carter won't like that," Falsworth notes.

"Well she ain't here, is she?" Dugan retorts with a cheeky smile.

"Buck just can't help himself. A dame pouts a little and he's gotta cheer her up," Steve notes.

"It's just a bit of harmless dancing. Nothing like what he and Carter were doing before," Dugan reassures them.

Dugan eventually gets up himself, only stumbling slightly, and makes his way to the dejected group of women who watch Bucky and his dance partner with envy. He approaches them and takes one's hand, leading her to dance as well.

"Those girls must be getting desperate to dance with Dum Dum," Morita laughs. "Looks like we might just have a chance, fellas." He gets up a little stiffly thanks to the wound on his back from a few weeks ago and goes into the other room as well.

Eventually, only Steve, Isabel, Dernier and Jones remain at the table, watching the Commandos waltz their women around the room to Glenn Miller. Even Falsworth takes pity on the last remaining girl and dances with her, despite being married. There's no harm in it though, the two dancing jovially around the floor with a considerable space between them.

"You don't dance?" Isabel asks Jones, who watches the floor a little solemnly.

"I doubt many 'round here would be interested," Gabe replies, smiling sadly. "There are such things as segregation, Miss Barnes." Before Isabel can reply, Dernier slumps onto the table beside Gabe, unconscious. Gabe laughs, shaking his shoulder. "Little guy can't hold his drink."

Steve chuckles at Dernier who begins to snore, a small puddle of drool dripping onto the table. "Maybe I should take him home," Steve offers. "It's getting pretty late, anyway."

"It's okay, I'll take him," Gabe says. "You stay here with your girl."

"You sure?" Steve asks, ready to stand.

"I got it, Cap. You two have a good night. Or morning," Gabe reassures, looking at the clock on the wall.

He stands and rouses Dernier, picking him up with Dernier's arm over his shoulder. Jones leaves the Stork Club, practically carrying the mumbling Frenchman who only clings to drunken consciousness.

Isabel and Steve move to a booth in the corner, sitting close to each other and giggling like teenagers. It's almost comical to see the great, towering and strong Captain America getting dizzy with the dame, his arm around her, laughing with her and kissing her cheek. The Commandos smile over at them when they notice, proud that their Captain has managed to find happiness. It almost makes them hopeful that they'll all make it out, make it home to their own loves and families. It keeps them going.

A man with a camera walks around the bar taking photos. He makes his way through the crowds, snapping pictures of Bucky and the Commandos dancing, the flash filling the room and breaking through its dimly lit atmosphere for just a second. The photographer silently approaches Steve and Isabel in the corner and takes their picture, capturing the two of them laughing, heads bowed close. They startle, but then Steve smiles. He's grown used to the flash of camera and the stares of admirers. The photographer tells them to smile and they do, momentarily blinded by the flash before the photographer disappears again into the crowd.

After a good hour of dancing and laughing, Bucky sits at the bar, his dancing partner having left for the night. He orders himself drink after drink, seeing how far he has to go until he's wasted. He's calling it a scientific experiment, and he even convinces himself that Isabel can use the information for her monitoring of his changes. Even as he starts to feel the effects, he just keeps on going and the barman doesn't even bat an eye at him since he's seen how much Steve can put down.

After an hour or so, Bucky's head is spinning, and his speech gets a little slurred. The world seems to be twirling around him at a rapid pace. He hasn't felt like this in a long while, hasn't been drunk since he was back in Brooklyn many years ago, and it's equal parts annoying, exciting and comforting, considering he knows he can get drunk just like everyone else.

Suddenly, he realises there's something he desperately need to tell Steve. Something tells him, though, not to tell Steve when Isabel is there.

When Dugan gets a little closer to him, Bucky grabs the man's arm and beckons him over. "My sister looks like she wants a dance, Dum Dum," Bucky tells him. "She's good at it."

"Okay," Dugan slurs, his eyes heavy, immediately walking over to Isabel and Steve.

Bucky watches as Dugan holds his hand out and offers a dance. Isabel smiles at Steve and then takes Dugan's hand, letting Dugan pull her onto the floor. Dugan's movements are horribly uncoordinated thanks to the alcohol in his system, but Isabel just dances along with laughter, letting Dugan show her all the moves he knows and catching him when he trips over his own feet.

Steve watches Isabel dance and humour Dugan's antics, his eyes sparkling. Bucky makes his move, a tiny part of him berating him because he knows that what he needs to tell Steve is going to ruin the blonde's mood. But he has to tell him, he has to, so Bucky makes himself move. He slides off his stool and wobbles his way over to Steve, too drunk to even walk in a straight line. Steve sees him coming and stands just in time to catch him when he trips clumsily over his own feet and hits one of the tables, pulling Bucky into the seat beside him.

"Geez, Buck. How much have you had to drink?" Steve laughs.

"Lots and lots and lots," Bucky slurs, a dopey smile on his face. "I feel good, Steve. Sooo good."

"That's good, Bucky. I don't think you will tomorrow though."

"You seen Peggy? Isn't she just a doll?" Bucky gloats.

"Yeah, Buck. She's gorgeous. You did well," Steve tells him.

Bucky smiles at Steve, seemingly forgotten what he came over to tell Steve. But the memory comes back to him and he quickly grows serious again, an expression Steve is all too used to seeing on his normally full-of-life friend.

"Steve, I gotta tell you something," Bucky says, grabbing Steve's shoulder tight, both to stay upright and to get his attention.

"What is it, Buck?" Steve asks, equal parts curious and amused.

"You gotta promise you won't tell anyone."

"I promise," Steve says sincerely, humouring Bucky's alcohol-fuelled behaviour. He doesn't think he's seen Bucky this drunk since he first turned twenty-one and went a little whacky at his birthday party.

"You can't tell Peg, okay? Promise? It's about my time with Hydra," Bucky stage whispers.

Steve's eyebrows immediately widen. "What about it, Buck?"

"When I was in that factory, Zola… He gave me something. This thick grey liquid that burned my body and was so hot in my veins, it made me pass out from the pain. When I woke up, I dunno how long later, I felt different all over," Bucky stage whispers, his eyes wide like he's scared.

"Wh-What?" Steve stammers.

"You heard me, I know you got super hearin'. They gave me the liquid and I was different. Then they experimented on me. Stabbed me here, burnt me there, cut me all over and I healed real quick–"

"Buck–"

"I was so damn scared. I thought I was gonna die, and a part of me wanted that, but the rest of me wanted to live and go home. But then you came and saved me. You were just like me, and I felt a little better. That was when I realised what they did to me. I didn't know what it was until I saw you. You called it a serum and I just knew they did that to me, too. They made me like you. It all made sense, and I was scared for myself, but mainly I was so angry at you for doin' that. You coulda been killed, Stevie. Then where would we have been?"

"Bucky, I'm sorry, but I'm okay," Steve reassures.

"Yeah, you're okay," Bucky agrees, smiling again slightly. He looks away from Steve, seeming to slide slightly to one side as though he's falling asleep, his eyes drooping.

"What do you mean they experimented on you?" Steve pushes, poking Bucky's arm to keep him alert.

Bucky flutters his eyes open, widening them to force himself to stay awake. "They did things to me to see how fast I healed. Held me underwater, cut my skin, burned me. They did it and then they waited to see how long it took me to recover, how the skin repaired itself and the muscles stitched back together. Doctor Zola, he wrote it all down in his notes."

"Did you tell anyone? Did you tell the medics?" Steve asks worriedly, that pinch between his eyebrows.

"No, only Isabel. She knows, told her the day we got back to the camp in Italy. She said I was like you, just like I was thinkin' the whole walk back to camp. She wanted to tell you, she really did, but I didn't let 'er. I said no because I was so scared they'd want to experiment on me again, see what made me tick. Especially because of the chair, I didn't want them to look at my brain."

"What about your brain?" Steve pushes, his eyebrows furrowed in the way that means he's extremely worried.

"They put me in this metal chair, and these pads came down with electricity and they made me forget my memories. They put me in it all the time, multiple times a day I think, and it hurt so bad, Stevie. I was terrified because I kept forgettin' my name and serial number, but it always came back to me after a while," Bucky rambles, so fast he runs out of breath. "And Zola, he'd just smile down at me 'cause it was workin'. His prototype was workin'…" Bucky trails off, and Steve sees his eyes are filling with tears.

"Buck, it's okay. You're safe now. No one's going to hurt you here, I won't let them," Steve reassures, putting an arm around Bucky's shoulders. "Isabel, has she been monitoring you?"

"Yeah," Bucky sniffles. "But only her. No one else, ever."

"Okay, Buck," Steve agrees, his face pinched with worry. "Thanks for telling me, pal. Must have taken a lot."

"I wasn't s'posed to," Bucky says, his words slurring even more. "Was s'posed t'be a secret."

"Well I won't tell anyone, I promise," Steve says, patting Bucky's shoulder.

"You didn't like it. You look upset," Bucky notes, eyes widening in realisation that he's worried Steve.

But before Steve can answer, Bucky manages a small nod and then blacks out, his eyes rolling back into his head. He slides sideways off his seat, and Steve catches him just before his head hits the table.

A/N: Bit of fluff, bit of angst. Bucky's secret has finally been revealed, even though Isabel very nearly let it slip back in the Hydra factory, but Falsworth has seemed to forget about that. And Bucky's learned that while there are some good aspects of the super-soldier serum, he isn't entirely immune to intoxication and the confessions that go along with that.

Just to let everyone know, I leave in about four hours for an overseas holiday so I've managed to squeeze one update in before I go. I'm heading to the United States and to one of my favourite places, New York! I did an assignment on New York a few months ago so I'm excited to get back and see the city I wrote about for myself with fresh eyes. Unfortunately, this means I won't be posting for about three weeks. While I'm away, I hope everyone enjoys the chapter and has a wonderful few weeks, and stay safe. Please continue to follow, favourite and review, it means the world to me. I'd love to know what you think of the story so far, the development of the characters, my portrayal of the 1940s era, just anything really. And I'd be interested in knowing where you think the story might go into the future!

Thanks everyone for your continued support, I'll see you all when I touch back down in Australia :)