Chapter 9: Allfather's Spear
The team recollected itself, holding their breath on the other side of the portal. There was a moment, a brief flash in the remaining waking member's minds, that they had just doomed their world, that the portal wouldn't close behind them, that the Iron Samurai would pour through and destroy their world. Then, from within his mech, Engineer hit a button, and the portal began to wink out of existence. Their last view of the world they left behind was one of those Iron Samurai turning its masked face from his headless Emperor, to the blood covering the floor, to the shimmering portal. Then the window was no more.
"Boom", Engineer said in his vocoded voice, adding a little chuckle. "Hope they like the surprise I left them in that generator!"
"I'm sure they loved that little extra 'umph' I gave it", Demo added with a grin, as he set Sniper down with his back against a wall. As the Australian muttered a 'Thanks mate' to him, Demo flexed beneath his armor, saying, "Now, if I could just get a replacement visor, and puff out these arms a little more, I'd be looking like a real knight in shining armor!"
"Maybe add a codpiece", Medic suggested from Heavy's grasp weakly. "I hear knights loved compensating."
"I usually have to add bulges to me pants for comfort", Demo countered with a grin.
Engineer began powering down his mech, and bent it over to gently to let Medic, Heavy, and Soldier gently fall to the ground. Almost immediately, Soldier sprang up like he wasn't leaking blood from eight different gunshot wounds and every orifice in his body. Engineer's mech nearly stumbled as he was startled by the sudden change.
"Its true", Soldier affirmed. "I've seen his penis, it's massive. And I've helped him sew up some of his pants."
"Well ya don't hafta say it like that", Demo said with embarrassment. "Ya say it like we're screwin' or somethin!"
"Ah" Soldier said, looking out of the alleyway. "An All-American diner! I will get myself some food and then sleep a little while. You gentlemen are all free to join me."
"Wait", Medic said weakly.
Soldier paused, as Medic waved to Boudica, having her come over towards him with his backpack. He took it from her, aimed the nozzle at Soldier, and opened it, healing him of all of his wounds. Medic sighed, turning the nozzle onto Sniper next, as Engineer popped out of his mech to get his.
"I can't do anything for the uniform", Medic lamented, "or the disposition. Try not to leave a blood trail on everything in there."
"Does anyone want a salt shaker while I'm there", Soldier asked the group. "I always seem to get them for free. It must be my patriotism being rewarded!"
The team all looked at each other with that one look.
"I'll take one", Scout told Soldier.
Soldier gave him a thumbs up, and made his way across the street towards the diner. Spy gave a disappointed look to Scout. In response, the boy shrugged. Medic gave a sigh of his own, and adjusted his position in Heavy's arms. In response, Heavy groaned, and adjusted his arms to grip medic tighter.
"Nein", Medic whispered quietly to the unconscious giant, "ich will ein kleiner Loffel sein."
Heavy's grip loosened slightly, and his face seemed to relax a little. Medic gently pat the top of his large hand, and then went to work with his medigun, healing the battered Team back to nearly full strength. Dell powered down his mech so that he could get his own heals, and Sniper stood back up to test his foot.
Boudica, however, took note of a flash of red above her. The flag, with the symbol of the Allfather, fluttered through the air, the wind carrying the separated flag far, far away. Her skin crawled as she hoped beyond hope that she was wrong.
...
Soldier, breathing in real American air for the first time in many months, happily trotted over to the diner across the street from him. As he walked, he watched a car roll by him, sleek, black, and with six wheels, despite being a high end SUV. Soldier was more of a hitchhiking kind of guy, so he would have to ask Demo later about what kind of car this was, since he was much more of a car guy than he was.
Soldier walked into the diner, and almost immediately, all eyes went on him. Understandable, given how much patriotism he exuded. He was a good example to anyone who loved their country.
Then again, with the way everyone was looking at him, he began to realize that maybe he was exuding the wrong kind of aura. The kimono, he figured, probably wasn't helping. He would ask around about getting some more American clothing, so that people didn't mistake his patriotism for something more sinister.
He walked up to the lady manning the counter, who's jaw was agape. He scanned the menu, quietly reading off his options. He squinted as the words he read assaulted his brain… franzbrotchen? Muesli with yogurt? What the hell was a kaiserschmarrn? Eggs… and cold meats? Where the hell was the bacon and… oh, there's the pancakes… apple pancakes?!
Soldier, clearly annoyed, told the lady at the counter, "I'll have eggs and orange juice, please."
"Uh", the lady aid, then shook her head and forced a smile. "Of course, sir! Please have a seat at any booth."
Soldier nodded his thanks, and made his way to an empty booth. As he did, the lady ducked behind her counter, and began rolling numbers into an old rotary phone. As Soldier slid into his booth, she began speaking into the phone, her face pale. She nodded as she listened to the other line, then went even more pale. She said "Yes sir", and hung up the phone, then went back to the griddle.
A little while later, he was served his food, and after a thanks to the waitress, he immediately began wolfing down his food. After he was done, he waved down the waitress, who hesitantly approached him.
"Could I get a salt shaker, ma'am?"
The waitress looked a little bewildered, and then took a shaker from another booth, and handed it to him. He thanked her, and then put the salt shaker into the folds of his samurai suit. The waitress looked even more bewildered, and then simply walked away. Soldier got up, and made his way to the exit.
As he was about to leave, someone else walked in. A tall man, dressed in a crisp black uniform, with a sharp flat cap on his head, opened the door, and calmly staggered up to Soldier. The look on his face spelled that he was equal parts hesitant and curious. His hand was pressed firmly on the handle of his holstered pistol.
"Excuse me, sir", the man said, "I'm officer Herschel, can we speak outside?"
"Hello, officer", Soldier said to the stern man, "may I say that your uniform is stunning! Do you press it yourself?"
The officer seemed a little stunned by that comment, then shook his head, replying, "I get it pressed professional."
"Indeed, and you wear it well! Is this about the salt shaker?"
"S-sorry sir?"
Soldier produced the salt shaker from his robes, explaining, "I was under the impression that they were free."
The officer looked shocked, and then waved his hand, saying hesitantly, "Uh, keep it. Are you by any chance with the Japanese Occupation Force?"
"I was, but I tended my letter of resignation earlier today."
The officer looked at him strangely, then sighed, saying, "I'll need to confirm this with the Japanese consulate."
"That could take days, sir. It might not even be worth the trouble. They communicate by falcon, after all."
The officer chuckled, saying, "You're probably right. You might want to get some new clothes, by the way."
"That was the next stop. You have a safe and productive day, sir."
"Uh, you too sir."
Soldier moved past him, and went to walk across the street. Spy poked his head out of the alleyway, motioning him over. Soldier trotted over, and Spy yanked him into the alleyway.
"Well", Boudica asked first, "is it your world?"
"Of course it is", Soldier told her confidently, with a wide grin and a thumbs up.
Spy glanced at her, and shook his head. You couldn't ask him direct questions, he would just tell you what he thought he knew. You had to ask him leading questions to find out what he actually knew.
"Did you get some breakfast, Jane?"
"I did", Soldier responded. He tucked his hand into his suit, and pulled out the salt shaker, tossing it to Scout. Scout caught it in one hand, nodding, as Soldier said, "Didn't get any pancakes, though. What the hell even is an apple pancake?! Apples go in pies, not pancakes!"
"What other foods did they have", Spy asked, clearly suspicious.
"Something like a moose in yogurt, kaiserschlackt, and cold meats! Who serves cold meat for breakfast?!"
From Heavy's grip, a now napping Medic let out an "Mmmm…"
"Sounds like German food", Spy said with a scratch of his head. "But that means little. Many states have plenty of German heritage. Did anything else out of the ordinary happen?"
"A policeman spoke to me", Soldier informed Spy. "He asked if I was in the Japanese Occupation Force. I hope the pentagon hasn't already marked me as a traitor."
"Japanese Occupation Force", Spy echoed. Spy opened his nostrils and took a hefty whiff, saying, "Judging by the smell of the air, we're nowhere near the ocean. I think that policeman wasn't talking about American forces occupying Japan."
"What the hell is going on here, then", Dell asked, his face going a little pale.
"I think we're in another parallel universe", Spy said with a heavy sigh. "We need to confirm first, but once we have confirmation, we need to get the hell out of here."
"Son of a bitch", Dell said flatly, then slammed his left fist into the armor plating of his mech.
"Get that checked out by Medic when he wakes up", Spy told Dell nonchalantly. "I'll be back soon."
Spy vanished into thin air, and very quickly left the alleyway. As he skirted the opening, he was greeted by a horrible sight; the police officer had called for backup. Men in streamlined but crisp uniforms, armed with what looked like MP5's, if they were designed slightly differently, marched towards the alleyway.
And now Spy was left with a very poor decision to make. If he alerted the Team, he risked the one advantage the Team actually had; they weren't prepared to fight. From what Spy could tell, these were clearly police officers, and they would be here to arrest Soldier and anyone associated with him. If the Team fought back, well… a dozen submachine guns in an alleyway against nine idiots with wounds and little blood in their veins would be a slaughter. Heavy and Medic were in no shape at all to fight, Sniper was in no shape to fight, Soldier might be running on pure adrenaline at this point, and even Spy was in no real shape to fight.
Spy made the tough call. He would let the Team get arrested, and if need be, he would retrieve their equipment and break them out. Spy took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, preparing to slip into the crowd of reserve officers, who had shown up remarkably fast, and do everything in his power to keep the Team alive.
…
The officers immediately blocked off access to the alleyway, and began barking orders. Screaming for everyone in the alleyway to stop moving and put their hands up. Demoman, having grown up during troubled times, sighed, and put his hands up first. He was quickly followed by Sniper, and Boudica, who was just doing what everyone else was doing. Dell hesitated, huffed, and complied. Scout would have thrown his fists up if Dell hadn't literally kicked him in the ass. Pyro was frolicking, and not paying attention to the cops, and Heavy and Medic were still asleep.
That only left Soldier. As the cops rushed in at them, Soldier raised an eyebrow, asking, "Is this about the salt shaker? I gave it to-"
A cop cut him off by slamming the butt of his MP5 into his face. Soldier was knocked silly, and one by one, the cops began arresting everyone. The last ones they came to were Pyro, Heavy and Medic. Seeing how big Heavy was, they targeted Pyro first, who mumbled in confusion, and then in panic as the cops began throwing the butts of their MP5's into Pyro's face and body. Once they had Pyro on the ground, they cuffed Pyro's hands and legs, and carried Pyro to the back of a police cruiser, all while it mumbled, "Huhh hid hi ho, huhh hid hi ho?!"
While they began forcing the others into the backs of armored paddy wagons, several officers began separating Heavy and Medic. Heavy, who was still unconscious, groaned as Medic was pulled away from him. Medic barely opened his eyes and asked what was going on before the butt of an MP5 came down into his face. Several men dragged the limp bodies of Heavy and Medic, thoroughly chained, into the backs of their own separate vans.
As he watched in annoyance and anger, Spy concluded that if smoking was illegal in this universe, he was going to have to brutalize a lot of people. He got into the side of one of the police cruisers, the one with Demo and Sniper in the back, and shut the door behind him. The officer who the car belonged to opened the driver door, slipped in, and shut the door behind him. He turned on his car with the turn of a key and the consistent push of a button, and then he went to light up a smoke.
He noticed a policeman he hadn't seen before in his passenger side, and turned to address him, saying, "Hey, go back to your car!"
"I need a ride to the station anyway", Spy said, mimicking a typical American Midwestern accent. "Just bus me there and I'll slip you a few extra cigs, yeah?"
The officer looked at him, as the other cars began driving off, and said, "Hell no, man! The brass hates it when we do stuff like that and I'm already two demerits in! You want me to get re-education? Get the hell out!"
"You just had to press the issue", Spy said as he drove his knife into the officer's neck.
Spy got out of the car as the last of the paddy wagons began to roll out, walked over to the driver's side, and began pulling off the man's uniform in quick succession, before dropping him out onto the ground, and dragging him back into the alley. He was fast about it, so fast that the last paddy wagon had just turned the corner down the street when Spy got into the driver's side and shut the door.
"Yes, lad", Demo said quietly, pumping his fist.
Spy handed Demo the lit cigarette from the officer's mouth, as his face melted into the shape of the officer he had disposed of. Demo took it, and took a big puff, then passed it to Sniper, who addressed no one in particular as he said, "I owe you one."
Spy stepped on the gas, and made a beeline towards the last paddy wagon just as it disappeared from view. Thank God smoking was legal. He was going to be smoking a lot.