The Dragon's Pit/At death's doors
2
Shaofeng's smile left Ozai frozen on the spot. He blinked once, then twice. Then he scowled with confusion.
"Are you quite certain of what you've just told me?" he said.
"My informants are working on gathering the evidence. So far, however… the reports, and the rumors, line up with only one possible explanation. As you just heard it."
Ozai covered his mouth with a hand. It was difficult to fathom – who on earth would choose a weakness quite as inconvenient as this one? To think of the outrage that would spread in the Fire Nation, were it known that its Crown Prince's son appeared to be poised to disappoint the Fire Lord…
A thought occurred to Ozai: perhaps it was no fluke, no matter of bad luck… perhaps Lu Ten was doing it on purpose. Perhaps he had chosen this path after personally witnessing his father's hedonistic, irresponsible behavior at the head of a battlefield in Ba Sing Se. That was logical, wasn't it? Surely that was the reasoning behind the boy's unforeseen deviancy…
For this way, he would betray his father, offering Ozai a chance to prove not only that Iroh was deeply flawed and unfit to be a Fire Lord and a father, but that Ozai himself had children who would be ready to provide the Fire Nation Royal Family with heirs, where Lu Ten surely was not. This would be ideal. It was a grand political move on Lu Ten's part… a way to show which half of the family he truly belonged with and supported. A display of respect towards Ozai… proof he saw his potential and failed to see that of his own father.
"Do you need time to build a plan, Prince Ozai?" Shaofeng asked. Ozai nodded.
"Rest assured, I'll have one in mind quite soon. It's only a matter of time before I unravel how to best use this to my advantage. Thank you, Shaofeng. This is… a most fortuitous revelation you have offered me. I will make use of this information wisely. Oh… ensure that the Fire Lord does not learn of it if you can help it. Can you do that for me?"
"Absolutely, Prince Ozai."
Ozai smiled proudly as he marched away from his sole ally among his father's guards, after their impromptu encounter in an empty hallway: it had been a long time since he had received such rewarding tidings. This had been a rather productive evening, so far…
Ursa had been absent over the last days, taking Zuko to Shu Jing, which freed him to train Azula personally while she was gone. The girl's progress was remarkable, and no one would be able to stifle it, provided Ozai continued to guide her in her development as a firebender, just as he had thus far… his daughter's school friends had paid them a visit on that day, however, so he had relented and allowed her to spend the afternoon playing and strengthening her bonds with future, useful allies. He had done it as well, when the girls' parents arrived to bring them home: while he was only appropriately polite to the upstart, the father of the cheerful, pink girl, he offered far more respect to Ukano, a man of noble blood going back several generations. His daughter might just serve as a suitable match for Zuko one day: she was of the right age, of proper upbringing too… establishing an arrangement of the sort quite early seemed all the more important now, with Lu Ten gallivanting in counterproductive ways upon being deployed to Ba Sing Se.
Ozai was building connections, bridges, all of which would add up to an infallible plan one day. A plan that had lacked one crucial element thus far, something he hadn't unraveled until today: the perfect means to undo Azulon's mindless preference for his oldest son. To think that Iroh's downfall might be none other than Lu Ten, himself…
He'd bring everything together. All the pieces of the puzzle fit flawlessly at this point. Now it was only a matter of…
The unexpected sound of ceramic crashing violently against the Palace's marble broke Ozai's train of thought.
His feet immediately shifted directions towards the noise: an accident would not have sounded like that. A servant dropping a tea mug wouldn't have done it with such rage, noticeable even from afar…
"… And you disgraced me! What do you have to say for yourself?" Azulon's voice reached Ozai's ears. He scowled: who on earth could be the object of his father's rage? He was standing right here, so for once, it wasn't him. Had someone else displeased…?
"I… I apologize, my Lord. I've only just arrived, I didn't receive any missives that…"
"I distinctly recall sending word to you that I would require you here, to serve as hostess to General Guan's wife when she paid the Palace a visit! Do you mean to say that someone intercepted the message? Perhaps your wretched husband, was it?"
"No! I…! I apologize. I don't know what happened, I don't understand how I didn't…!"
"Enough with your excuses! You're as much of a disgrace to this family as anticipated… carrying the bloodline of a treacherous Avatar. Quite so treacherous that your firstborn would be such an underwhelming bender that he requires non-bending training, no less! And from a goon like Piandao, yes… I have no doubts this is his punishment for refusing to rejoin my forces, for training the product of two miserable failures like yourself and Ozai must be proper penance for his disloyalty!"
Ozai's heavy footsteps stopped at the threshold of the room where the argument was taking place: a sitting room… furnished with cushions, and a low table lined with half-eaten sweets. The general in question, and his wife, sat quietly, clearly flustered over the Fire Lord's explosive outburst at…
Ursa. She stood alone. Zuko wasn't with her. She had enough sense to send the boy to his room, it seemed, before attending the Fire Lord's summons.
She appeared distraught, unable and unwilling to meet Azulon's eyes. Her head remained bent. Her hands were shaking.
"My Lord," Ozai spoke, announcing himself: she shifted upon hearing his voice.
"Ah, and there you are. Whelp," Azulon hissed. "Get your fool of a wife out of my sight. I shall take care of protocols myself. Clearly, you and your ilk cannot be counted on to uphold your duties to this family."
"I apologize on behalf of my wife," Ozai said, bowing his head down as he clasped Ursa's elbow, pulling her towards himself. She moved as though hypnotized, as though she weren't truly there. "We shall ensure not to fail you in any such manner anew."
"A promise broken well before it was spoken," Azulon growled. "Get lost. You sicken me."
Ozai nodded. He obeyed, most willingly, leading Ursa away. She didn't stop trembling.
His grip loosened slightly as they reached their private room. He shoved the door open and Ursa marched in first, leaving him to close the door behind them. Neither one said a word until they were alone, inside. The sound of her heavy breaths filled the room: the docile, submissive woman who had scarcely known how to handle the Fire Lord's tantrum burned with a rage that matched that in Ozai's heart all too well.
"What happened?" Ozai asked. His tone wasn't accusatory. It didn't need to be.
"He… he called me in. One of his guards, I suppose, told him I had just arrived," Ursa said, refusing to face Ozai as she walked to her dresser, undoing the tall bun at the top of her head, setting down the hairpiece by the mirror. "I found it odd, but… once I was there, it came as no surprise. He… he threw the teacup at me. It shattered."
"I heard that," Ozai said: he eyed her attire, finding some of the liquid appeared to have splashed her. "Did he hurt you?"
"I… I don't know. I mean… did he? Surely. If you mean, with the tea? It burned. The mug's shards? I suppose maybe I… I was struck by some, I don't know, I don't care, I…!"
Ursa snarled, hands gripping her hair as she turned around, shrinking in herself in pure rage. Ozai winced, expecting an explosion, outwardly… but instead, it seemed to go inwards. As most things did with Ursa, these days.
"I… I wouldn't have taken Zuko. I wouldn't have gone to Shu Jing, but he didn't tell me… I didn't know he wanted me around. I didn't think…"
"He didn't send word," Ozai cut her off. Ursa raised her tearful glare at him. "It's not that you forgot about this important appointment, it's not that the message got lost somewhere: he wished to humiliate you. I suppose… I suppose he's decided to spread the misery in this family further."
"He's done this to you before. Multiple times," Ursa said. Ozai nodded. "And you just…"
"I put up with it. How does one argue with a king who refuses to see his own mistakes?" Ozai said, with a dry grin. "He's merely playing with you, just as he does with me. The only thing that matters to him is having his way."
"I… I despise him," Ursa said, gritting her teeth. "I resent that man more and more with every day that goes by. Every damn thing that goes wrong in this family, every single one of them, goes back to him. Everything is his fault! And yet he just piles it on, over and over again, subjecting us to the basest of humiliations…! He has no soul. He's a heartless, rotten bastard and I…!"
"Ursa," Ozai stepped forward, clasping her shoulders as he spoke with a placating tone. She shook him off, but he didn't let go. "Don't speak that way as loudly as that. You know as well as I do that anything you do or say can be used against you, especially by my father and his allies. Don't give him the satisfaction…"
"I can't…! I can't take it anymore," Ursa shook her head, glaring at him. "Don't ask me… to contain myself. Don't ask me to keep my thoughts to myself! I've had it with this wretched family, with every demand, every twisted design I must follow just to survive, I…!"
"All of us feel the same way," Ozai told her. Ursa scoffed in disbelief. "We simply seek our own means to manage the rage. Firebending is a rather helpful one, in my case…"
"That so?" Ursa scoffed. "Well, my pathetic lineage saw to it that I would have no such outlet, Ozai, so do tell: what should I do? How should I exteriorize my anger? As a non-bending woman with no combat training to speak of, what am I supposed to do besides shouting that I've had enough?!"
Ozai froze in place. He had no answer for her. He hovered before her, uncertain, uneasy… failing to gauge the situation properly. He had been triumphant moments ago… unsurprisingly, his father had seen to destroying that feeling in a matter of instants. Ursa needed to be placated. Ozai couldn't let her run amok with this rage, she might risk sentencing their family to a revamped nightmare if she failed to respond properly to the challenges posed by Fire Lord Azulon himself…
"We cannot crumble or come undone now," Ozai told her. Ursa scoffed.
"We're well past that point, you and I," she said. Ozai gritted his teeth.
"He needn't know that," he said. "If he did… the humiliations would only worsen. He would attack us both for failing to live up to the expectations of sustaining a long-lasting marriage harmoniously. You don't intend to give him even more fuel to fire his envy and resentment towards us, do you?"
"Envy? That's what this is?" Ursa asked, skeptically. "You're the one who…"
"You're young. Strong. You've survived every hardship that killed the women he liked better than you," Ozai said. Ursa's eyes widened. "My mother died. My brother's wife died. You, my wife, have survived this long, and you're in perfect shape to be the matriarch of this family. You're a threat to his perfect world, like it or not…"
"Ozai, do you truly believe you're a threat to your father? At this point in time?" Ursa asked, utterly steeped in disbelief.
Ozai smirked. Her expression changed upon realizing he knew something she wasn't privy to.
"I have much I could share with you. Important information. But… we must remain allies against my father. Whatever comes next, if we should ever see to amending our marriage, it will be a secondary matter while we stand together against his madness now," Ozai said. Ursa gritted her teeth.
"That's… terribly rational. I would approve if only I weren't so…" Ursa snarled, shaking her head.
She breathed heavily, chest heaving until an idea appeared to cross her mind. Ozai met her gaze, then her hand rose… touching his chest.
"You're worried… that he'll use the frayed state of our marriage against us?" she asked. Ozai nodded.
"He's hoped that our marriage ends in failure, just as he believes everything involving me does. You know this, you've known it all along…"
"Then, if we give him cause to believe that we're still perfectly together, even if he can tell we're not entirely happy, do you think he'd…?"
"Well…" Ozai frowned.
He hadn't truly thought they weren't together… regardless of having spent numerous months in this strange tug-of-war with his wife. There had been no intimacy between them since it had begun, no exchanges of affection, nothing but distance and the occasional display of respect. Neither one had dishonored the other, that much Ozai didn't doubt… but suddenly he found himself pondering that, perhaps, Ursa had thought their relationship was over due to the troubles between them.
"I think… there might be a good outlet for my rage," Ursa finished. "One that could serve to shut down all questions about the state of our marriage, too."
Still feeling out of place, disquieted, distraught… Ozai wasn't entirely ready when his wife pulled him in, pressing her mouth to his for the first time since their last chaotic night of passion.
A part of him rejoiced: he had missed her dearly. And yet… her last words angered him. A vicious, weaseling emotion he hardly wanted to reason with had wormed its way through his head. Still perfectly together… they were. They were married. He would not stand for anything else. She was the right woman for him, she simply needed to realize… to realize what, exactly? That he was the right man for her too? Was he?
Perhaps he'd do best to prove it, then.
The vindictive, resentful side of Ozai reared its head as he clasped his wife's neck, kissing her back with a hunger she no doubt had longed for as well. Her moan came accompanied with what came off as a roar, her fingers gripping his long hair as tightly as they had clawed at her own, moments ago. The pain in his scalp made Ozai groan, but he kept her close rather than fleeing from her aggressive approach.
Within moments, they had fallen into bed. Their clothes scattered all across the room, and Ozai's hairpiece landed on the floor. It could have been a quick round, but neither one settled for that.
They missed dinner. Lo and Li would have to take care of the kids in their stead. Someone knocked on the door, and Ozai shouted at them to leave. Their behavior could not be more inappropriate… but it would send a rather shocking message to Azulon: they were still a match, even if one made in hell rather than heaven. His best efforts to hinder their marriage would not take root. They rebelled against his designs: they weren't Azulon's playthings to use as he saw fit, as much as he resented them for it.
It was deep in the night by the time they were through. Almost a full year of containing themselves physically had poured out of them in a wild, constant burst that now saw them lying in bed together, the sheets torn, some even burned. The curtains of the bed had toppled. Everything was a mess… and yet it was the first time in a long time indeed that Ozai and Ursa could cuddle together, peacefully, in the relentless stream of chaos that a life in the Royal Family ever amounted to.
"He will be cross anyway," Ozai said, holding Ursa against his flank, one of her hands toying with his. "What disgraceful, shameful behavior for a couple ten years into their marriage…"
"I ought to take a page out of your book… assume he's merely jealous that he cannot do the same with his own wife anymore," Ursa said. "I would apologize over speaking so crudely of your family, but… for tonight, I couldn't care less for propriety. You won't hold that against me now, or will you?"
"If I did… perhaps we would just have to settle our disagreement by reprising what happened earlier. Which makes me think I should, actually," Ozai smirked. Ursa snorted… and he smiled more warmly upon realizing she had laughed at his teasing. "Are you feeling any better?"
"This is a proper outlet indeed. I'm pleased with the outcome," she said, patting his chest kindly. "But… it resolves very little. As you said, he will remain cross and he will seek to force us to pay for slighting his honor, and so on…"
"It's one thing if he does it to me. I'm used to it," Ozai whispered, gazing at her. "But… he had never tormented you quite so directly before, had he?"
Ursa gritted her teeth. Ozai sighed, pushing back and crawling down the bed. Ursa didn't shirk away as he traced his fingertip down a thin line of blood that had run dry on her bare leg: one of the teacup's shards had indeed hurt Ursa. Some reddened portions of her skin gave away that the tea itself had burned her, even if not too severely.
"Did he… hurt you this way too?" Ursa asked, shifting slightly so as to lie on her back rather than her side. Ozai admired her figure for a moment before answering the question.
"Once, he… he kicked my knees on the temple's gravel road for failing to offer proper respect to all my forefathers, on one Memorial Day. I bled all the way to the lake. Iroh noticed. If he wanted to offer any help, he certainly failed to do it. None of the guards did anything, either. I had… a rock, stuck near my knee."
"That scar you have there…" Ursa frowned. Ozai offered her a slim grin.
"My souvenir from such an occasion. I was nine."
"Nine?" Ursa's eyes widened.
"You thought my age would deter him?" Ozai asked. "He certainly has worsened over time, but… I've endured his indignities all my life. They aren't always physical… but they have been, enough times."
"Ozai… Zuko is nine."
"Indeed," Ozai said. Ursa sat up, eyes wide.
"You said it was one thing, if he did it to you, but that you… you don't like him tormenting me. But I thought… our children would be safe, they're just children, we should be able to shield them from him," Ursa explained, her panic latent in her voice. Ozai raised a hand, pressing his index finger upon her lips. Ursa frowned at his clear message to lower her voice.
"Don't get worked up. It will avail us nothing," Ozai said. "Yes, it's possible that he could target them next. In a sense, it is our duty as parents to keep them safe from him…"
"It's absurd. That's not… not how any family should work. No matter how royal this family may be, this is… unfathomable," Ursa said, covering her mouth with a hand and shaking her head. "Do we have to… train them to be ready to bear with him? That's what you're trying to say?"
"I would be, perhaps… but there is a chance that my father's behavior towards us will need to change, out of genuine necessity, quite soon."
Ursa crooked an eyebrow. Her skepticism came off as no surprise, but Ozai offered her a confident smile nonetheless.
"Shaofeng has shared some… rather startling news about the frontlines of Ba Sing Se with me," he said. "Regarding Lu Ten."
"What? Is he okay? Is…?" Ursa's immediate alarm brought Ozai to raise his hand and stop her instinctive reaction.
"I cannot say for sure whether he is fine or not, he is fighting in a war after all," Ozai said. "But it appears that the… company he keeps is questionable. Or rather, the manner in which said company is being kept…"
"What?" Ursa blinked blankly. Ozai raised an eyebrow.
"To put it in some way… it's possible that Lu Ten won't be particularly likely to carry forward Fire Lord Azulon's legacy. He might be… uninterested in fathering children."
"Uninterested?" Ursa frowned. "Why would a battlefield be the place where anyone learns that…?"
The insinuation finally sank in, and Ozai smirked as it did. Ursa's eyes widened.
"You… you're serious?" she asked. "He was with a man?"
"Rumors point to Captain Tiang as his partner."
"Tiang?" Ursa repeated, and this time her face shifted into utter disbelief. "Is that right? But… they've been best friends all their lives. It'd be as if saying that you and Zhao…"
She stopped short of finishing that thought, covering her mouth to hide both her embarrassment and her amusement at Ozai's disgruntled expression.
"Do not finish that sentence. Please," he said. She couldn't hold back the laughter anymore. "They're rumors, I said. And Lu Ten has been quite uninterested in taking a wife so far. Many highborn girls have been brought to him as marriage prospects since his late teenage years and he has refused them all, choosing to focus on his military career instead. I wouldn't wish to jump to conclusions, but…"
"He could just be waiting to meet the right person at the right time," Ursa reflected. "But… perhaps that's not the only explanation and you could be onto something. But why would this matter, though? Ozai…"
"Why?" Ozai eyed her skeptically. "If Iroh's sole heir disappoints his grandfather quite as strongly as Lu Ten would, should this be true…"
"Ozai, whether Lu Ten cares to take a wife or would prefer to have a husband… it will be irrelevant, in the grand scheme of things," Ursa said, staring at him in confused disbelief. "You don't think he'd be the first sovereign of any nation forced to take a spouse against his will, do you?"
Her words sank in with a strange sense of discomfort. Ozai frowned, immediately uneasy at the truth that rang in her voice: it was no surprise that Ursa would see certain matters far more clearly than he could…
"Your father would force a wife on him as soon as possible. He would have no choice on the matter. She might just end up siring children with another man and… and passing them off as Lu Ten's, even," Ursa said.
"If that happened, the lineage would break," Ozai scowled.
"All because of your father's utter stupidity and disregard for his family's wellbeing. But when, exactly, did he make any of us think that those things mattered to him?"
"That's… that's exactly why I think Lu Ten's choice might not be as arbitrary as it sounds," Ozai said, frowning. "I know it may seem odd, Ursa, but… listen to me. If he cannot, if he refuses to bear children, that leaves our branch of the family as the better suited one to carry forward the Royal Family's legacy. And…"
"Ozai: your father would sooner force Iroh on any woman young enough to bear him new children than allow you, or either of our children, to succeed him on the throne. You know that, don't you?"
Again, her words struck him as a bucket of frigid water might. Ozai frowned, freezing on the spot, as Ursa refused to withdraw her words. She shook her head moments later.
"Even if you're right, and Lu Ten is also making some political statement of rebellion against his father and grandfather… even if all those rumors are true? It changes nothing. Azulon will ensure that it changes nothing. We cannot contest him when it comes to… well, all of this."
Ozai scowled. Ursa sighed, reaching out to touch his hand gently. She seemed to hesitate, no doubt uncertain of how much intimacy they ought to share now, after almost a year of distance… but they were no longer the enthusiastic, young fools they once had been, so fascinated by each other, so entirely given to their relationship that nothing dark in the world around them could ever weaken the strength of their bond. Time hadn't passed them by in vain – instead, it had rolled over them mercilessly, leaving them mismatched in dangerous regards, while still being perfectly suitable for each other in even more worrisome ones.
"This is all we have left to look forward to, then? A life fighting my father until… until he dies?" Ozai asked. Ursa sighed.
"He's old, but… I don't believe he's even ill. The wickedness hasn't soured his health, somehow."
"He is the richest man in the Fire Nation. Any health concerns he might have faced, he could have dealt with them through the best experts," Ozai said, shaking his head. "Thus… we need to think thoroughly about how to defeat him, don't we?"
"Defeat him?" Ursa frowned.
"Do you intend to stand by and simply act as a shield for Zuko?" Ozai asked, raising an eyebrow. Ursa's lips parted. "To allow him to continue assailing you as he did today… so long as your precious boy isn't hurt?"
"W-what…?"
"Ursa: that's exactly how I've sought to protect you until today."
Ursa's eyes widened. Ozai's own carried an unusual shade of concern in them, one he manifested further by cupping her face.
"His madness has reached you before, but never like this. Never without me in the way, to shoulder the worst of it," Ozai said. "I would have… taken responsibility for the message that didn't reach you, no matter if I had nothing to do with it. I would have, solely to focus his rage on me. But that's exactly why I knew he had sent no missive to you, to begin with: he didn't turn this on me. This was not intended as a punishment for me. It was about you. And if we're careless… it will be them, next. It will be Zuko. It will be Azula."
"Ozai…" Ursa trembled again, her eyes stricken with fear. "He can't do that. We can't let him do that. He…"
"I know," Ozai said. "But… you're right. Lu Ten's choices won't suffice, no matter the reasons behind them. My father would force him to take a wife indeed. Nothing would stop him. He would likely begin punishing Lu Ten actively, too, for nearly disappointing him…"
"Maybe even Iroh."
"Heh. I'd like to see that, actually."
"Ozai…"
"His precious father, tearing him down?" Ozai smirked. "Unlikely. Iroh is the sole valuable asset in my father's arsenal. Lu Ten is but an extension of Iroh. The minute the boy does anything that doesn't serve my father's cause, he will be torn apart. Just as he intends to tear us. But when someone seeks to destroy you… you can defend yourself, or you can let them succeed without fighting back."
"How on earth would we ever defend ourselves, or our children, from that mon-…?"
She stopped short of uttering the word. She winced, lowering her gaze. Ozai sighed, setting that aside for now.
"I'd think the best solution possible is… one no son should ponder quite as often as I have. But I admit… I have done it. I blame him for pushing me so far."
Ursa blinked blankly. She raised her head slowly, eyes scrutinizing Ozai's stone-cold glare into the horizon. Her jaw dropped as, once again, she understood his meaning without words.
"No. No, Ozai, you… you can't mean that. You can't be serious…!"
"Why not?" Ozai said, glancing at her skeptically. Ursa gasped.
"It would never…! What if you get caught? What if we get caught? For I'd assume you'd expect us to work together to that end and… we can't do it. We can't risk it! Zuko and Azula would pay for it dearly for as long as they live if we were found, Iroh would take the throne after him and he would have us murdered for having done what we would have done…!"
"And what makes you think Iroh would take the throne?"
His latest question caused Ursa to freeze on the spot. Ozai met her eyes, displaying no sign of remorse or hesitation.
"He may be Crown Prince… but I can defy his right to take the throne. It has been done before. An Agni Kai."
"An… Agni Kai. You mean to fight an Agni Kai with your brother for… the throne? After killing your…?" Ursa spoke breathlessly: even in the throes of passion, earlier that day, her voice hadn't failed her as much as it did now.
"No one will know. Together… we could figure out how to make it happen without anyone's awareness," Ozai said, ambition and drive pouring out of him in droves. "I know why you're afraid, Ursa… but remember what's at stake. Remember your son could be the next of his victims. Once he grows tired of us, he will turn towards him… not towards Azula. No, she daunts him, for she is capable of outdoing him in every way and he despises her for it. But Zuko? Zuko doesn't show the same overt potential his sister does. His bending abilities are average for his age, nowhere near as extraordinary as they were supposed to be due to his heritage. He's never excelled at anything… much as I never did, at his age. He cannot ridicule and humiliate Azula… but he can do it to Zuko."
"And we'll kill him for that? Ozai…" Ursa said, trembling again. "I don't… I'm not a killer. I've never even thought of…!"
"I've never killed anyone either," Ozai said.
"And even so, you're talking about being the one to kill your father, for goodness's sake. You can't truly expect to do this to no consequences, Ozai. Please, reason with this…"
"I've reasoned with it far more times than you can imagine," Ozai said, shaking his head. "The first time I wished him dead… I proceeded to punish myself for it. I burned my skin in retaliation for the treacherous thoughts that I'd dare have about my father, my lord. But as time went by… after I returned from my journey, after he humiliated me one too many times, the thought was no longer out of place. It crossed my mind as good as every day until…"
"Until?" Ursa asked, raising her eyebrows.
"Until I met you."
She appeared taken aback by that response. Something softened in her, but it hardened again quickly – perhaps she realized it wasn't a subject she should be quite so emotional over, considering it concerned the murder of a head of state as controversial and important as Azulon himself…
"It seemed as though… you might just represent an opportunity for me, among many things, to finally set aside my father and the indignities he constantly sought to inflict upon me," Ozai said. "For all this time, I've learned to endure them. But I have… means at hand. I could see to it. I could… rid us of him. No one would know."
"Truly? No one?" Ursa asked, her voice still ringing with skepticism.
"The body would never be found…"
"What?" Ursa squinted. Ozai raised an eyebrow. "That's… that's not how you kill someone and hope not to be suspected. Ozai…"
"If there's no body…"
"They'd be more likely to think he's taken a leave of absence for no reason," Ursa said. Ozai grimaced. "Iroh would be called back. Surely far sooner than you'd like him to be. They'd ask him to take his role as heir to the throne at once."
"But…"
His association with Seethus hadn't been for nothing. The man had mostly offered his services as a spy thus far, occasionally reporting back on any interesting kernels of information he found off Azulon's dealings with different nobles or military leaders. Ozai kept note of whatever weaknesses or strengths Seethus unraveled about them, yes… but that wasn't the purpose of their mission, was it? Seethus wasn't with him merely to gather information…
Seethus was an assassin. And the very first man Ozai had hoped he would be able to kill for him was Azulon himself.
"If you want that man dead, it would have to look like… like he didn't die by any foul play. His body would have to be checked to find no sign of harm or wounds," Ursa said, eyes wide. "Gradual poisoning might…"
"If he begins to notice he's feeling ill, he wouldn't hesitate to have someone else eat his meals first," Ozai pointed out. "Poison is not the right course of action."
"If only I knew more about herbs, but…" Ursa said, though she shook her head. "What are we even thinking? None of this is…"
"Ursa…"
"We can't, Ozai. We can't. This is a level of treason that neither you nor I should ever have indulged and… and it's too dangerous," she said, staring at him in chagrin. "The cost would be too great. As much as you may not think so right now, even if you defeated Iroh as you think you would…"
"I'm certain I would. Iroh's firebending isn't half as powerful as my own, at this point," Ozai hissed.
"You'd be scrutinized, damn it," Ursa said. Ozai grimaced. "The Fire Lord dies mysteriously, Iroh loses his birthright, and you emerge victorious from it all? Right after spending so many years tormented publicly, even, by your father's humiliations? Everyone would suspect you. Ozai, you can't do something like this unless…"
"Unless?" Ozai raised an eyebrow after she paused. Ursa frowned.
"Unless you… had enough allies. Strong enough allies to hold the deceit. To daunt any investigation away," she reasoned. Ozai nodded.
"Indeed… and if anyone suspects a thing, I could see to diverting their interest elsewhere. Should worst come to worst… I can still resort to my means to make people disappear."
"Only if you had enough power to… what are you even talking about, though? Is it a firebending technique you've never shown me?" Ursa frowned. Ozai shook his head.
"As you said… an ally," he said. Ursa raised an eyebrow. "I'll explain if need be. For now… you're better off not understanding."
"That's quite reassuring," Ursa said, sardonically, before sighing and dropping her head in her hand. "This is not doable."
"You'd rather think so. I disagree."
"Ozai…"
"I am already building alliances with multiple nobles," Ozai said. Ursa raised an eyebrow. "Azula's school friends, one of them is the child of a highborn noble that…"
"Ukano, yes. We've spoken a few times."
"We should strengthen our ties with them. Perhaps position their daughter as a candidate for marriage with Zuko, when they're older."
"Well… the girl seems to be taken with him. It might be a suitable match," Ursa said.
"She is?" Ozai crooked an eyebrow. Ursa stared at him skeptically.
"You would have had them marry with no concern as to whether they liked each other or not?"
"It wasn't particularly important at the time. But if that's the case, it should make matters easier," Ozai said, dismissively. "I can build stronger ties with others too. My father makes it easier than he should, with all those he humiliates and who are tired of groveling at his feet. His War Minister, Qin… I get along well with him thus far. General Ling commended me for my last intervention in a war meeting…"
"Then you'd have to build on those bonds gradually, but Ozai… you'd have to turn over half the nation against your father. Against Iroh," Ursa said, urgently. "Are you sure you can achieve that? Because, short of that… you'd falter anyway. This is a dangerous conspiracy, we can't take it lightly."
"We can't… but you are on my side. Aren't you?"
The question appeared to take her by surprise: it was as though it had dawned on her that they were discussing the possibility of murdering the Fire Lord only then.
But just as Ozai dreaded that she would run away, that she would shove him off, Ursa's brow drew together in a rather elegant, slow gesture. Her lips parted… and she raised her cold, steely gaze towards his.
"I don't know that I'm entirely on board right now. This is… a daunting enterprise. But if… if this will set our family free from his yoke?"
"It would," Ozai said, eagerly. "This is the only way to be free of it, I'd dare say."
"I… I'll think of other possibilities. I'll try, but… if you're right, then…"
Ozai waited for a moment. Then Ursa breathed deeply… and the anxious woman was replaced by a surprisingly serene, analytical one, instead.
"We'd have a lot of work to do," she concluded. Ozai smiled.
"Then we'd do best to get started with it soon. But for now… perhaps we ought to rest," he said. Ursa hummed, still immersed in deep thought. "Or not?"
"I'm only… thinking. A lot," Ursa admitted. "My heart is racing, Ozai. I never… never truly believed this could be an option. This isn't something I've pondered. I…"
"As I said… I've personally pondered it too much, even," Ozai smiled, shifting towards her and wrapping her in what he hoped would be a comforting embrace. "Rest assured… it becomes easier over time. I understand we have far too much left to resolve between us…"
"We do," Ursa admitted.
"But we are still… husband and wife," Ozai said. Ursa nodded, and his heart jolted over her acknowledgment. "This is our chosen course. A journey we set out on, together."
"Indeed. It's merely… a daunting one, too," Ursa said, falling into the mattress with him. "Though I suppose you ask due to, well… the way things have seemingly fallen back into place between us?"
"I have no doubts we've seen each other's worst by now," Ozai said. "That we can grow sick of each other in ways we never would have fathomed, in the past. When it comes to everything we disagree on… perhaps it is best to let each other do as they wish. But when it comes to these matters, we are each other's primary ally. This is for our family. This is how we will protect it. Do you agree?"
Ursa swallowed hard before nodding. Ozai smiled.
"If you won't mind me saying so, corny as it may be… I missed you," he said, closing his eyes and letting himself relax beside her.
It was twisted to plan a murder attempt this way, so callously, so openly, lying in bed together as husband and wife. Where most would share platitudes, trivial conversations, or exchange all manner of affectionate words, the two of them were outright plotting to kill the Fire Lord. Perhaps Ursa didn't wish to involve herself in something quite so dangerous, perhaps she would have preferred… a normal husband, so to speak. One who wouldn't be so ready to commit parricide…
Perhaps she wouldn't have huddled so comfortably into his arms if that were the case.
"Please promise me we'll think this through," she said. Ozai hummed. "And… we can do more of this, too. Whenever you're angry… whenever I am. Whenever he pushes our buttons… or even if something else does."
"But you must save your rage for it," Ozai said. Ursa gritted her teeth. "Unwind with me. Hurt me. I can take it."
"I've noticed," she whispered. Her fingertips trailed over tracks of her nails upon his skin, reddened upon his arms. Ozai smirked. "I'd offer the same, but… I'm afraid I can't pretend I'd be as durable as you."
"Anything too violent, I can always unleash by myself in the Agni Kai Arena. It can be training, too… for the future," Ozai smiled. Ursa bit her lip.
"It would be… interesting. To see you defeat your brother, but… only if it's necessary."
"It will be. And I shall make you proud once I best him, as I always meant to," Ozai smirked. Ursa couldn't hold back a small smile.
"Always the overachiever… always so ambitious. I can't decide whether that's a terrible thing about you, or a wonderful one instead. I suppose it hinges on the object of your obsessions…"
"Or the result of my course of action?" he asked. Ursa smiled.
"Indeed. For… I suppose that if you succeed here, and you prove my paranoid, miserable, skeptical, foolish self wrong?" Ursa said, leaning closer and pressing a soft kiss upon his lips. "You might just become known as… Fire Lord Ozai."
Hearing the title from her lips seemed to unleash something primal, feral in his very gut: a calling. A dangerous, powerful calling, one that beckoned him to answer at once. The smile that spread across his features might have terrified anyone lesser… but Ursa answered it with her own.
"And you… Fire Lady Ursa."
"Quite so," Ursa's smile gained a slightly timid edge, as though she hadn't thought of that side of matters, herself.
But when she raised her eyes anew, there was something dark and greedy in her gaze, no doubt mirroring what she saw in Ozai's own. Perhaps the way she gazed at him now was comparable to what had scared her away from him that night, when he had asked her to hurt him… but Ozai would not run away. If Ursa would grow as twisted as he was, he would welcome it gladly.
She wrapped her legs and arms around him, and their last, relentless tryst of the night began.
He could still remember her body as vividly as when he had explored it directly. Her voice still rang in his head, as it used to long ago. The scent of her hair, the glow of her amber eyes… the mischief of that smile. The darkness with which she had grown acquainted that night, and to which she had surrendered more times than expected, falling into bed with him in that swirl of toxicity, in which they would take out their frustrations on each other. They would be allies for one thing, enemies for most everything else. Their marriage was no sham, and yet it was no longer the true relationship it had been once…
It was easier to remember it still by standing at the foot of that old bed. The very same bed, unused for nineteen years, where their first and last night together had taken place. Where everything had begun, even the origins of their joint conspiracy to overthrow Azulon… yes, Ozai's ambitions to become Fire Lord had started sooner still. Of course they had. But never before had they seemed so attainable. Never before had he pondered that a course could be charted, where he didn't simply stand by in wait for a perfect opportunity so Seethus could strike, so his father would simply drop dead out of poor health or his terrible life choices. No true plan had existed… not until that night, when everything had begun.
It seemed fitting to pay it a visit for the first time in ages, just as everything appeared poised to end, instead.
His hand fell upon the smooth mahogany bedpost. The curtains had been restored – multiple times, for they had infamously grown quite chaotic in the very last months of their marriage. His father never reacted against that overtly – perhaps aware that the pair were calling his bluff, seeking to anger him, rebuffing his attempts to drive wedges between them by manifesting their intimate closeness. Their marriage never did live up to being as perfect as it once had been, not after its unexpected collapse… but in a sense, the twisted honesty with which they spent those final days evoked a bout of fondness in Ozai's heart. The memory of his wife from that final night, too, could make his heart skip a beat still. Everything they had fought for, everything they had achieved, and everything they had failed to prevent, to foresee…
"No doubt you would be here now, chiding me for my failure to see the bigger picture," Ozai whispered, running his hand over the mahogany again. "No doubt you would be cross with me for sending our nation, our family, into this dark course. But the truth is…"
He sighed, letting himself feel something he scarcely ever allowed… something he hardly wanted anything to do with, normally. But this was the very last day of downtime… the last chance he'd have to think matters over before devoting himself entirely to planning and mounting a defense that would give the Blue Wolf pause, if anything could.
"The truth is I never imagined I would die without seeing you again."
Somehow, he had thought a solution would come up. That he would put a stop to the reason why she had to stay away… but that simply hadn't happened. He had never managed to save her from her fate. Her sacrifice had been a necessity to spare her children… and spare them from what, in the end? One had become a full-blown rebel, and the other…
He had torn the other one down until there was next to nothing left of the vivacious, mischievous and immensely talented little girl she once had been.
Ursa would never forgive him for that. She certainly would have never forgiven him for burning her beloved son's face… that the boy would now come charging against the Fire Nation would be his fair retribution for what he'd done, surely Ursa would see it that way. Her weakness for Zuko could never be undone. But even Azula by now… she wouldn't forgive him for how he had treated Azula, either. He had failed his daughter in more ways than he could ever apologize for… he had put so much on her shoulders, and even she couldn't hope to weave miracles to outdo his expectations anymore. Even Azula couldn't hope to salvage this situation, more so now that the man she had given up everything for was bound to come for blood… for her blood, perhaps.
Ozai wondered if he'd dare. If he truly would prove Ozai right, after his multiple admonishments to Azula: if he would go so far as to attack and hurt the woman who had been so certain that their relationship was built on reciprocal love… Ozai scoffed at the notion. Ursa had never loved him… she had never said the words, at least. He hadn't said them to her, either. Not in their brightest days, not in their darkest. He wasn't quite sure that he had loved her either, to begin with. How did someone even know that, when they had never experienced love before?
Azula surely hadn't experienced it… so she surely didn't understand that whatever the Gladiator had offered her wasn't that. But…
What if he was wrong? What if it was love, in the end?
Would the Gladiator spare her?
It was a thought he hadn't truly pondered thus far. A thought that might have filled him with disgust, one he might have shaken off as unthinkable… if only there weren't a massive army of rebel forces at his doorstep. Curious how such a straightforward fact could change matters that he had used to believe he would never yield over.
But if Azula lived…
She might just return to that man's side. Perhaps not even as a wife, if he truly was cross with her. Perhaps she would have to spend the rest of her days making amends for everything she had done during the past months, in Ozai's service… perhaps for more than that, should the Gladiator be a jealous, possessive bastard who could not fathom that the woman he loved had ever been married to another. Nonetheless, whatever future might await her, should her former, faithful expectations from that wretch be correct… Ozai wouldn't be likely to see it for himself.
He felt unsteady, unstable. Knowing his life's end wouldn't be much further away shook him to the bone. The possibility that he'd ever have to face this certainty, let alone this early… his own father had only died well into his nineties. The same was true for Sozin. Hizuo had at least outdone Ozai by twenty years. None of them, however, had ever measured themselves against the Gladiator. Ozai suspected that none of them would have prevailed, if they had.
Bested by a man who should have been meaningless… a man born to a frozen wasteland, to a culture that could only possibly look to the Fire Nation's richness with envy. A man who somehow had become the greatest warrior in the gladiatorial arenas… a man who now led the first and sole army that could stop the Fire Nation's own.
Who would he become, going forward? What kind of man would he choose to be? Hopefully, a better one than Ozai ever had been. Hopefully, a stronger one than any of those who had held the power he soon would command upon the rest of the world.
To think that Ozai had fallen quite this low… to the point where he'd hope that Azula's beliefs in the man's good heart, in his feelings for her, would turn out to be correct. The mere notion of any man with his daughter still sickened him, and that particular wretch had earned his wrath for a multitude of reasons, and yet… he couldn't quite think of himself anymore. He couldn't merely focus on his own preferences, on his frustrations, on his vindictiveness: what was he going to leave behind, once he was inevitably gone? His daughter would only hope to survive if that man allowed it… his own survival was forfeit. His pride urged him to believe that Azula would outdo the Gladiator, that she could overcome the tide of war on her own… that she didn't need that man's support to stand strong against anything that came her way. But for once, his pride's voice appeared so small, so insignificant, against feelings so much stronger, and so much harder to forsake…
A soft, chilling breeze behind him announced the arrival of his last remaining faithful ally.
Ozai didn't react to Seethus until he cleared his throat and spoke up.
"Lord Ozai, there are… worrisome matters you may need to turn your attention to."
"You did it again?" Ozai asked.
"I… I did."
"I had given you orders not to follow Azula or daunt her any further," Ozai snarled.
"You did. I apologize for failing to heed them. You may be thankful that I failed once I share that… Princess Azula appears to be indulging dangerous, worrisome thoughts. She is…"
"Suicidal."
Seethus froze. Ozai turned on his heels, staring at him matter-of-factly.
"Do you truly believe she's the only one with such thoughts at the moment?" he said.
Seethus clenched up. He drew his hood lower, shaking violently.
"Lord Ozai, you cannot mean… you are too valuable. You cannot forsake your life. I serve to ensure that you never need to…"
"I fear you shall have to join the list of those I have thoroughly disappointed," Ozai said. Seethus shook his head.
"I will defeat that army. I can. My power…"
"Is not endless. Unless you maintain your very careful balance, Seethus, your own corruption will consume you. That much is obvious even to me," Ozai said. Seethus snarled. "I have had one too many disloyal friends… you alone have been better than that. I suspect the coming battle will be… the last. At the very least, the last for this Fire Nation, for this Fire Lord. Whatever may come in the future… it won't concern me."
"If it wouldn't concern you, then I want no part in it either," Seethus declared. "It is my duty to protect…"
"You cannot hope to overwhelm that army alone. Even the Bloodlust Spear would have been hard-pressed to consume so many," Ozai said. Seethus snarled.
"There is no purpose to my survival and my prolonged existence without a master to serve," he said. "And without you, I… you wouldn't pass me down to her, should she live on, would you?"
"As an heirloom? A memento to remember me by?" Ozai smirked sardonically. "I'm afraid she wouldn't care for that. She's not particularly fond of you, as far as I'm aware."
"I understand. But…" Seethus grimaced.
"What is it?" Ozai scoffed.
"If the situation is as hopeless as she finds it, if you truly agree with that, perhaps even I should… prepare for the end," Seethus said. "I found her in the basement, Lord Ozai. It seemed she was moments away from breaking. I wanted to learn if the child was… but she said it won't matter who the father is. She's certain… that both you and her will wind up dead."
Ozai scowled. Hearing it directly disturbed him. She truly had lost hope in the Gladiator… and not for no reason. Her own actions, she believed, condemned her. Perhaps she dreaded a darker retribution than she was ready to face…
And by the hand of the man who had started all of this. By the man she claimed to love… surely she still did. In that sense, she no doubt had taken after Ozai himself far more than she should have. If Ursa were to ever return, if she did it solely to stab his heart… he certainly would welcome it. Just the chance to see her again, one more time…
The Gladiator was a disgraceful bastard, ultimately, unworthy of Azula. Were Ozai in better circumstances, he wouldn't hesitate to continue fighting to destroy the man. And yet… he was unbeatable. And yet his daughter yearned for that man just as much as Ozai yearned for Ursa. Could he truly hold Azula's happiness and peace of mind, the plenitude of her heart, well above their legacy as the Royal Family of the Fire Nation?
A part of him urged to do so. Another warred with that concept: the Gladiator was unworthy of her. He truly was. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. Ozai didn't wish for his family line to end abruptly, for the Fire Nation to be destroyed…
But perhaps he could fathom that notion, provided he could take down his enemies with him.
That was always a choice. One that would satisfy Seethus's desperation to support him… one that would ensure that, even in Ozai's absence, the Gladiator would not claim absolute victory.
If the bastard dared to kill Azula… then he would not deserve to live on, either.
Perhaps he'd find some twisted way to survive the mad idea that had just crossed Ozai's mind, just as he had survived the explosion in the Grand Royal Dome. The irksome Gladiator could be as frustrating and crafty as that. But even if he saved his own miserable hide, he might fail to save others in his service. Could the Avatar hope to fight Seethus's corrupt fire? Could anyone hold their own against it, besides Azula?
Perhaps not.
That explosion in the Grand Royal Dome came back to mind. The Gladiator had done that… but he hadn't expected to live past it. As for Ozai, for a moment, he had simply frozen on the spot to admire the spectacle of flames that had risen… it had been twisted to find that display beautiful when it burned as fiercely and brightly as it did. And yet he had found it beautiful indeed, right until Zhao yanked him out of the balcony in a rush.
It was odd to find inspiration in his own worst enemy… to seek answers in his choices, to emulate his wretchedness when he had despised it as much as he had. But perhaps this would be the only way to retaliate after his own life ended… the only way to show that man that he had trifled with forces he never should have dared strike against. As much as he might just have been the greatest of all enemies Ozai had faced, the Fire Lord had no intentions of conceding victory carelessly to a man of his ilk: he turned towards Seethus fully, eyes glowing with clarity.
"We cannot know what the outcome of this battle will be. Losing the war… it would be a stain upon the honor of this family that I would sooner not allow," he said. "Perhaps it is beyond me to stop it… but it may not be beyond us to stop our foes from obtaining an uncontested victory."
"We will fight," Seethus recited, unaware of the dark thoughts in Ozai's mind.
"I will. You will wait."
"Wait?" Seethus froze. "But…"
"I have a task for you. One that will be vital in ensuring that no one… no one tramples over the Fire Nation anew," Ozai said, shivering. "A man willing to murder the woman who loves him as desperately as my daughter loves that Gladiator would never deserve to claim a victory over the Fire Nation. Over any kind of war. If that's truly the man he is… then it is only fitting for me to ensure that he perishes alongside the rest of us. Once I draw my final breath, Seethus… you will see to his destruction."
"Lord Ozai, I cannot…"
"That's an order, Seethus. The last one I will give you… the last one you will have the chance to obey. Or will join the legion of rebellious fools, whose actions have contributed to my downfall, one after the other? Iroh, Zuko, Zhao, Azula… are you to be like them, Seethus?"
"N-no. I… never. If it is only I who is loyal to you, then… so be it."
He had never heard Seethus so emotional, so nervous. It almost hurt. He sounded far more human today than ever before. The corruption would surely feast on that, and it would take a greater toll upon him than usual. But the plan Ozai wanted him to fulfill wouldn't be held back because of that.
"Now then… I will arrange everything that needs to be prepared. And once everything is ready… you will wait. Watch from afar… and wait. You will act once I draw my last breath. Understood?"
If Seethus could have cried, he might just have done it then. His voice trembled as he hunched over, head bent in submission:
"Yes, Lord Ozai."
It doesn't feel right to write this to you at all, not after everything I've done. Not after what I did aboard the Barge.
But I write this after learning that you survived the wretchedness that I inflicted upon you. You're still out there. You're still alive. Perhaps your heart burns with a fiercer vengeance than it already used to, for one of the reasons you've been fighting was… to save me. I know that much. I resented you for it. I did not deserve to be saved. I suspect you already have understood that.
I will see you again. At least, I hope I will. Perhaps it will be the last time I do. My heart thrums with hope of gazing upon your face once more… just as it aches and grieves knowing that, no matter what I dare confess in this letter, there's no possibility for us to meet as anything but enemies. Much as it was the first time our paths crossed.
There are no excuses worth speaking, let alone writing into this letter, that could justify any of my choices. Ultimately, you were right: I should have stayed with you. Countless others would have been sacrificed if I'd done it. But at least I would have never had to betray you as many times as I have. At least I would be there to face the coming battles by your side. I would not have broken the countless vows I'd made to protect and respect you… vows I wished to live by. Vows I've been forced to forsake just to save myself and those I've sought to protect. It's too late for remorse, I know that: I can only hope that you'll feel a small relief to learn that I regret it even so, in the end.
My father has apologized for his mistakes towards me. Perhaps he simply wished for me to be on his side, with full conviction, just over that apology. Unfortunately, he didn't need to say anything at all: I'm chained to his will. I will be until the very end.
For a long time, I found it difficult to understand you. To fathom how a man as smart, thoughtful, strong as you could ever see anything worthwhile in me, the woman responsible for so much of your personal torment. You never wished to hold me accountable for what you went through in the Amateur League. I never agreed with that. It's even harder to agree now. And yet… I find that I finally understand why you made so many excuses. Even though I won't make any for my own tormentor, I find myself aligned with him just as you were aligned with me. I cannot turn against him. I cannot abandon him. I am chained to his whims. Turning my back on him means consequences I'm not ready to face… just as you might have felt the same way about me, perhaps until that barrier of fire caused you to reconsider.
Perhaps it's easier now for you to forsake me, to be enraged at me for the horrors I've inflicted upon you: I can only hope that's the case, for your sake. You don't deserve to spend the rest of your life grieving over the woman who caused you as much anguish as I have. You don't deserve to remain chained to me until the very last moment. I know it cannot be easy for you to let go of me, just as I cannot unclench myself from my father's grip, most of all after everything you've done for me.
But I don't wish to make you miserable with this letter. It's never been my intent to hurt you, even though I've done it constantly, frequently, all across the time we've shared. I'm not trying to discourage you, or to convey that your cause has been mistaken: the truth is you have achieved something beyond anyone's expectations. People have sought to deter my nation's course over a hundred and eleven years, at this point: no one has ever truly made a Fire Lord tremble over fear of defeat as you have. The potential I saw in you has been proven, it surpassed even my greatest expectations. I didn't hire you in the belief that you would become a liberator, breaker of chains, all across our world. I never imagined you would earn the admiration of millions, the fear and hatred of those who know you're bound to come after them. I believed you could become the best gladiator in the Superior League: you've become the Gladiator everyone clamors by that name, as though there hadn't been hundreds of others besides you. You've outlived the Superior League. You bear a title that was meant to humiliate those like you, and you have repurposed it into a bolder, stronger crown than that which my father bears upon his head.
You are extraordinary, Sokka. It was never by my hand that you could become the leader you have been: it was always part of you.
I have no right to so much as call you mine in any way anymore. You were my partner, my lover, my true husband, my gladiator: you stand for yourself now, without me, and you proved to be greater like this than you ever were while standing by my side. I can only ask one thing of you now, and it is to forgive my boldness, my arrogance, when I say that I'm proud of you. I have no right. I know I don't. But I am, nonetheless. I never had the courage to rise up the way you have. I begged you not to move… I begged you to stay in the Southern Water Tribe. Within a year you proved me wrong entirely. You're saving the world, Sokka: you're fulfilling the dreams of millions who have needed a strong, brave, wise visionary to show them a path to follow. Never forget the value of what you have achieved. Whatever happens to me, never let yourself think that your journey could ever be in vain.
I lied, I guess. I thought I'd ask one thing… but I have more requests than that. These, I do not ask for myself, but for others: please, be kind to Rei. I know how difficult it may be for you to understand a bond you never witnessed yourself, but she is a bright, kind soul. You two could spend hours talking about science, about ideas and inventions… you might just find a kindred spirit with her. I know, the two of you might never become close, or ever think of each other as family… just give her, and yourself, a chance. You're both among the people I've treasured the most across my life. She will most likely feel lost without me. Please, help her find her way. Even if your paths diverge in due time, help her find hers. Help her find peace.
I hardly need to ask this one, I'm sure, but I will do it nonetheless: bring Song to Rui Shi as soon as you can. Perhaps by the time you read this, they will already have returned to each other. Knowing he has stood with you throughout all these hardships has served as a relief for me, for no one could ever be as reliable, as loyal, as Rui Shi. Song has missed him desperately. Even if there is no hope left for you and me… I refuse to believe the same to be true for them. Song has long wished for matters to return to the way they used to be. She knows it can't truly happen… but she hasn't let go of hope that, somehow, we'll all live past this and that the four of us would return to our daily lives as they once were. But I firmly believe the three of you might just make it. So… seek to fulfill that hope, even if I'm not there to join you as well. It's not ideal… it's not what any of us want. But all of you have suffered enough as it is. Whatever chances to find happiness might linger before you, please, seize them. I want you to. I would never begrudge you for moving on with your life, Sokka… so do it as best as you're able. You don't deserve to be chained to my memory for as long as you may live. You're far too good, far too kind, too selfless, to deserve that kind of misery.
The very final thing I ask of you should be obvious. Perhaps I needn't ask it at all. But while it was not intended all along, your friend and ally, Anorak, has represented a perfect opportunity to resolve one of my worst fears and concerns over the past year: he will be guarding Hotaru, protecting her from harm, taking her to safety, ensuring her survival, and bringing her to you. I intended to save her at all costs, but I didn't know how. It's twisted that Yu Dao's outcome would have provided me that answer. Such is my selfishness, I'd dare say.
She is a precious child, Sokka. She's kind and gentle, curious and dazed by the world around her. Her eyes are so large it feels like I could lose myself in them sometimes. She likes playing with hair, so hopefully, if your hair is still quite long, you'll be able to entertain her with it sometimes. Her smiles are so tender, and her laughter is the sweetest I ever heard. I often find myself reminded of you whenever she smiles at me… perhaps it is my desperation to find signs and traces of you everywhere. Perhaps she truly does resemble you, though. I hope she does. I'd rather she takes after you, as it should be obvious… but I don't think I'm too misguided to see you in her gestures as often as I do.
I know you must resent me for many reasons, and you certainly should do so for robbing you of the opportunity to be here for so many of Hotaru's firsts. I doubt it'll serve as any consolation to know that I'll be missing far more of them, in the end: I hope her first word shall be 'dad', once she meets you. I hope you'll hold her as she takes her first steps. That you'll teach her how to read and write, that she sings with you – perhaps she'll even be a better singing teacher than I was, or maybe the two of you will be happy to never sing in tune together. If you don't mind me saying it, I would thrive in hearing those songs, no matter what they sound like. I hope you'll teach her how to live… that you'll help her find her path. And if she grows up to do wild, crazy things… remember we weren't much better than that in our golden years. We did reckless things, dangerous ones… sometimes, it's only by facing such challenges head-on that we actually learn who we truly are. I'm sure you'll want to protect Hotaru from all the hardships the world has in store for her… watch over her and let her spread her own wings. Our little turtle-hawk might just be capable of flying even farther than you and I ever did.
Apologies and pleas are out of place at this point. I've already told you enough about how deeply I regret the person I've become now… But I owe to you the fact that, across the brightest, best years of my life, I became someone I could live with. For that period, brief as it appears now, I had a future to fight for, dreams to take a stand for. I learned the most valuable lessons of my life… and I learned them by your side. I started to fight for more than just myself, my glory, my nation: I fought for us. For everyone I grew to cherish. For my people, rather than for some abstract notion of greatness that never made any sense. The choices I made may not have always been the best ones… but I moved forward without fear, for I knew that I didn't stand alone. Out of countless gifts you've granted me, chasing away my loneliness has always been among the best of them all. Life without you certainly proved to be so much more harrowing than I recalled it. The bright days we shared, the blissful nights, became my most treasured memories, for I spent them with you.
I'm no longer that person, and I regret that I'm not. I miss being the Azula you remember. If I could relive our story again, with full awareness of what's ahead… I wouldn't hesitate to do it. I would find a way to ensure no one can ever tear us apart. I would never let you go. But life is not as kind as I wish it were. It's fickle, instead. If this was the only possible fate for us… then perhaps I'd choose it, still, for the only life I could have ever found worth living was a life shared with you. Even if it was only four years… they were the best years of my life. Our beautiful daughter is proof enough of that. We created something extraordinary together. I leave it to you to carry on once I can't anymore. To fulfill our partnership's very premise, where any hesitation or weakness on my part meant you'd step in to fill in for me, no matter what. I carried Hotaru across nine months, raised her for five more: the rest is up to you.
On another note… I know I've been a jealous fiend in the past, and yet right now, I feel so unworthy of you that I could never begrudge you if you'd found someone better for yourself. I'm sure that will be possible for you. Don't force yourself to live the rest of your days alone. You deserved better than me… and you deserve better than to punish yourself for eternity because you couldn't save me.
For the truth is that you did save me, Sokka, even if not in the way you wished to. You helped me find my way out of darkness countless times, and I only learned to recognize my own humanity once you showed it to me. I felt real because of you. I felt loved because of you. I opened my eyes to the truth of our world because of you. You were and always will be the love of my life. In all of this, my heart never stopped answering to you, and it will still be yours even after it stops beating.
So don't falter now. I know it will be hard. I know you've been punished unfairly for countless things that were not crimes. I know you'll want to give up, and that you might even feel that everything you've done amounted to nothing… but that's not the case, my love. You saved this world. I write this letter with full certainty and confidence that you'll only read these words once my father's tyranny, and the Hundred Year War, are over. You will succeed. A new world will be born in your wake… a world worthy of seeing our beautiful daughter grow into a wonderful woman who will never face the hardships and misery her disgrace of a mother did. Perhaps it's no consolation right now… but I believe it will be one day. I can only keep going by clinging to that certainty.
Live on. Fight on. Show every last fool who dares underestimate you that you're more extraordinary than any bender, any head of state, any godlike entity like the Avatar. Remember that your own power brought you to where you are now. Remember that your heart, as good and kind as it is, has always been your greatest strength. Live out a long, fulfilling life… and if there's anything after it, I shall make certain to await you there. Even if you just want to yell at me for all the grief I inflicted upon you, I will be there, for I'll want for nothing, ask for nothing, as long as my soul and yours can return to each other once again. We won't be apart forever. I'd like to think so, provided you still would wish to find me one day.
I'm running out of paper and time now. They're almost done packing. So… I guess this is it. We'll meet on a battlefield, I'm sure. Whatever I may say to you then… disregard it. It won't matter. It won't be the truth of how I feel. It won't be what I wish could have been my final words to you. Thus, I meant to write them here, instead. If this letter survives long enough to reach you, perhaps that will mean they will last forever, unlike words spoken and lost in the wind.
I love you. I always have, I always will. Thank you for fighting for me. Thank you for trying your best to save me. Thank you for bringing so much love into my life. You changed my world for the better, without a doubt, and just so, you're already changing everyone else's, too, my beloved gold fire… my powerful inner flame. My Gladiator.
Goodbye, Sokka.
Your Azula.
She shouldn't have been quite so emotional as she waited for the ink to dry. She heard Rei and Song behind her, collecting as many belongings as they could – not only their own, but even some of Azula's, as well. Mementos, perhaps, that Hotaru or even Rei herself could keep of their mother, perhaps to use them one day, should they wish to. The unfinished, simple carpet had been packed too: Azula grieved for the lost opportunity with it, wishing she could have seen the artwork Song had longed to turn it into.
Hotaru remained calm for now. She had been restless at first, frightened by the dark tunnel anew, but she had relaxed in her crib after they arrived safely, a few hours ago. It was deep into the night now, and carrying everything all the way to Mai's place would take a long time.
Azula sat in place, waiting, until Rei stopped behind her. The Princess breathed deeply, her eyes fixed upon the final words she had written upon the paper, and she rose to her feet. The long parchment rolled until it was a tight, if thick scroll. Azula turned to find Rei holding up the box where her every other letter had been stored thus far.
"This one's…" Azula said, not relinquishing the scroll she had just finished writing just yet. "I don't know if I care for him to read the others. It might not matter in the end. Maybe he won't even want to…"
"He should want to," Rei mumbled. Azula shrugged.
"It's not within my power to decide that, regardless. So… if he doesn't? Give him this one alone, if nothing else," Azula said. Rei swallowed hard, trembling as she finally clasped the scroll.
"Only if… if something awful happens to you?" she said, her voice choked up. Azula gritted her teeth.
"Yes," she said. Rei sniffed.
"I… I'll do it. But… try not to let something awful happen anyway?" she said, pleadingly.
Azula sighed, wrapping her arms around the girl. The box nestled between them as Rei wept, her tears falling atop its closed lid now. Azula's lips pressed softly upon the top of her head.
"We should go," she whispered. Rei's shoulders shook with a sob, and she nodded slightly.
"W-we should. We…"
The girl pulled out of Azula's embrace, turning on her heels to look at the mostly vacant room: it felt like there was nothing of worth in it anymore. Even the papers upon which Rei had practiced calligraphy upon learning to read and write had been brought underground. The bed was one of the only objects to remain intact… it was made, for the last time, Rei feared. Azula wasn't very likely to fix it again in the future, if she even got any sleep at all.
The bedroom had witnessed countless beautiful moments, and it was where her friendship with Azula had begun. Just so, it was the last place where Rei had seen her father on the day he had burned her. There were so many painful thoughts and memories… just as there were blissful, wonderful ones as well. Her heart ached with melancholy… knowing that she would never set foot inside that room again.
Song waited underground already. Anorak, clad in his soldier's uniform, paced within the tunnel nervously. Rei marched to the open trapdoor, dabbing at the tears before Song wrapped her into her embrace, giving her a shoulder to cry on. It was Renkai who picked up Hotaru's crib, once Azula had hoisted the baby into her arms. Drowsy as she might be, Hotaru's golden eyes shone with clarity as Azula gazed at her with heartfelt wonderment.
"He will love you… just as much as I do," Azula whispered, pressing her lips to the child's brow. "Better than being a princess… you're the Blue Wolf's daughter. You carry the blood of the strongest gladiator. You belong to a lineage of… of proud, strong warriors, capable of the most unbelievable deeds, those that defy all expectations. You'll learn all this about yourself in due time, Hotaru. Just know… you'll finally meet your father soon. Won't be long now. Just wait patiently… okay?"
Hotaru made many noises as Azula talked. She appeared perplexed by the questions, and she wouldn't stop staring at Azula with keen eyes: she might just forget what she looked like, forget she had a mother, altogether… but that wouldn't stop Azula from doing everything she could for her daughter's wellbeing. Her life had been forfeit… but not Hotaru's. Never Hotaru's.
One last glance across the near-empty room. A sigh escaped her lips as she feared the loneliness that would assail her when she eventually returned to it. Perhaps she'd never sleep on that bed again, for she wasn't sure she'd even have the chance…
But for now, she had to protect her people. That was the priority she had to focus on.
Azula turned, stepping towards the trapdoor. She marched into it, keeping her daughter safe, close to her body, finally capable of holding her again despite her breakdown earlier had deterred her from doing so. The baby let out a few more unintelligible sounds as they returned to the tunnel's darkness: Renkai reached up, clasping the trapdoor, and he shut it behind himself as they began their journey to Mai's home.