It was time. She knew it. He knew it, and right now, all she could do was wait-wait, and pray, and spend those last few moments, minutes, hours, days-whatever time he had left-Lisa could spend it with her dad.
He was napping now, and while she had been warned that one day, he might just not wake up, neither she nor the doctor felt like there were at that point yet. Yet. Maybe tomorrow, maybe tonight even, but for this afternoon's nap, they weren't there.
Her dad's heart was failing him, had been failing him, and they were almost out of time.
Congestive heart failure. Her dad, Arthur, or Art to those close to him, had it. He'd been declining for the last five years, but the last two weeks, it had declined rapidly. Arthur Stillman. She never liked his name and wondered how in the world her grandparents had settled on it. It just didn't fit him. To Lisa, her dad looked like a James-Jim for short, even, but not Arthur. Despite the name, he was her world, the most amazing father and mentor. When her mother had died almost 17 years ago, they'd become quite the team, especially after her older sister, Tammy graduated and took off to marry some guy she promised was the one she'd spend her entire life with. That has lasted all of a year, and since then, Lisa found it hard to keep up with the current man in Tammy's life. She'd been through several, even a couple more weddings, one that no one in the family had even been invited to attend-an elopement. Tammy was divorced now for the fourth time, and as Lisa had been updating her on their dad, she'd told Lisa about her new boyfriend, Antoine. Lisa really didn't want to hear about him or anyone; she wasn't in the right headspace to deal with that right now. The only bright spot in her calls to Tammy was the chance to talk to Ben, Lisa's only nephew, the cutest six-year-old around. She adored him, and regardless of the rocky relationship she had with Tammy, she was not about to let down Ben. He was flesh and blood; she'd do anything for him. Her dad adored Ben too, but neither had seen him in almost a year, Tammy's doing. Lisa had begged Tammy to bring Ben to say goodbye to her dad, and she hoped she still might, but they were running out of time. Time-that word that seemed to control everything.
Tammy had not been interested in the family business and had no interest in anything related to horses. She'd gone as far away from Hudson, Alberta as she could, settling in Nova Scotia and working for a town's tourism department. It wasn't a bad job, especially for someone who had no additional education after graduating from school, but Lisa knew that Tammy was struggling and had refused anything from the family. Once their dad passed away, both girls would inherit quite a bit of money, and Lisa just hoped Tammy used it responsibly. Thankfully, their dad had a good chunk of money in his will for Ben and his education. Sadly, Lisa had a feeling that once their dad passed away, the two sisters wouldn't be in touch much, and that saddened her. No matter what, she'd keep up with Ben and make sure he had anything he needed in life because he was family and too young to make any decisions for himself. Besides, the few times he had been back to Fairfield, Ben had adored his time there and had loved riding horses. Maybe, just maybe, Lisa would teach her nephew the business, just as her dad had taught it to her. He'd taught her everything in business, not that she felt very confident right now. He'd built quite an empire, had more money than he knew what to do with, but right now, none of it mattered. His name would become a memory. His money wouldn't prolong his death. Her beloved father, Art, was dying.
Lisa needed some fresh air and felt like she was dragging herself toward the elevator to get out of the hospital. The place was depressing to her, and she didn't know how people could work in a hospital. She was grateful to all who did, but it was definitely not the place for her. No, she needed to be outside, around animals. They, too, had their issues, but there was something uplifting about being in nature. In Lisa's opinion, there was nothing at all uplifting about a sterile hospital, full of sick patients, many of whom were fighting for their lives.
As she waited for the elevator, she made a mental checklist of things she needed to do whenever she got home for the night. She had been spending 12-18 hours at the hospital a day to be with her dad. The time he had left was short, and she was going to spend as much time with him as she could. With his congestive heart failure, his heart was shutting down-failing him as the term stated. They had tried all they could with her dad, but at the end of the day, it was just his time. His breathing had become labored, and there wasn't much else the doctors could do for him except to make him comfortable.
Lisa stepped onto the elevator and collected her thoughts. She'd call Tammy again tonight. She hadn't spoken to her in two days. She also still had a message to return to Dan, and just the thought of that made her groan internally. Lisa knew she couldn't put that off indefinitely, but after long, stressful days at the hospital, she never had the patience to speak to Dan. As the elevator traveled to the ground floor-because of course, she was on the sixth floor, the top, Lisa watched as people got on and got off. Many worked there and were going about their normal days, unaware that people like Lisa were about to lose the most important people in their lives. She'd seen some outside the hospital, happy, taking home a new baby, but in the cardiac area where she was, many were very sick.
After reaching the ground floor and stepping off the elevator, she debated on whether or not she should get something to eat or drink-or both. It was mid-afternoon, and she'd not eaten lunch. Honestly, she couldn't remember a day since her dad had been in the hospital she'd had more than one meager meal. Usually, she grabbed a travel cup of coffee and a cup of yogurt at home, and for most days, that had been about it. She'd sometimes wander to the cafeteria, but it was on the opposite side of the hospital, and right now, she debated going for food and decided it wasn't worth the effort. She didn't have the energy to walk to the other side of the building for some cold soup or a wilted salad.
Lisa could see that it was a beautiful day outside and decided that would do as much for her as any food would right now. She had found a small walking path on the one side of the hospital, and with the spring flowers in bloom, she decided that a short walk or maybe even a seat on the bench, was in order today. It wasn't far, on this side of the hospital, so yes, that would do.
Her mind wandered to anything and everything as she maneuvered around people and the hallway corridors, and finally, with the garden in sight, she found herself picking up the pace, excited to step outside. It was almost surreal that the rest of the world carried on while hers was crumbling down.
"I'm so sorry!" It happened before she even realized what was happening, but as she was stepping outside and turning to the garden loop, Lisa heard the words and looked down to see her jeans and white blouse now covered in coffee.
"Oh no!" She instantly reacted, throwing her arms up. Where had the coffee come from? She was covered in it, but thankfully it wasn't scalding her; it was lukewarm at this point.
"I really am sorry. I can't believe I did that. I don't even know what happened."
She was trying to brush off the coffee, which was a ridiculous idea, but Lisa wasn't exactly thinking clearly and replied, also without thinking. "Well, I know what happened. You spilled coffee all over me."
She stopped wiping at her shirt when she realized her efforts were ridiculous and then tried to wipe her jeans. Her day was ruined, not that it was a good one to start.
"I really am sorry. I can only say that I wasn't thinking-"
"Clearly not," she wiped at her pants. "My clothes are soaked!"
"I know, and I can only apologize. It was an accident. Look, it's no excuse, and it won't change your situation now, but my mind was elsewhere. I've been wandering around out here because my wife is dying in there, and I had to get a break. I'm so sorry. I just didn't even see you."
Lisa paused her actions, realizing that just as she'd thought about-life was going on for people, yes, but there were plenty here in similar situations, ready to let go of a loved one. She glanced up to the offender and frowned when she met his gaze. Lisa wanted to be mad at him, but he looked well, sad and pathetic-tired, remorseful, and just exhausted. Truthfully, he looked better than she felt.
"It's fine," she waved her hand in front of her, even her hand now with coffee running down it.
"It's definitely not," he waved his free hand at her, glancing around for anything to help her. "I ruined your clothes-"
"Don't worry about it. Sounds like you have bigger problems," she told him with a tight expression on her face, not wanting to pester him about this further. Clearly, yes, it was an accident, and going on about it anymore wouldn't help.
"Hopefully, you're on your way home and can at least change-"
"No," she said in a clipped tone, and instantly grimaced, realizing she was being short. She knew she sounded short and while that was not her intent, she chalked it up to her own exhaustion and situation. Lisa glanced up and found him gazing at her intently. "I'm not headed home at all. I came out here for a break. Seems like we have a similar situation."
He raised his eyebrows at her and gestured to the building, "You have a dying spouse?"
"No," she frowned, glancing to the ground, "although spouse dead to me." When she saw his eye widen, she clarified, "No, no, I'm sorry, not that it's funny or something to even joke about. I guess I'm to that point now where even my humor is off. Recently divorced from the spouse. Reason for being here- my dad is dying, and like you, I came out here for a break. Unarmed," she held up her hands and offered a sad, small smile. "Look, I get it and understand the aimlessly wandering around look. I just try to do it without a weapon in my hand."
He nodded with his own small, sad smile and gestured to her, "Can I do anything? I'm not about to pat down a woman I just met to help with the coffee I spilled, but know I'll help if I can."
She chuckled at that, realizing it was the first she'd laughed about anything in some time and looked up at him.
"I'll wash up and just deal with it. As we both know, people here have a lot more problems than a stained white shirt. I'll be fine. Thank you, anyway, and I'm sorry to hear about your wife."
"Thank you, ahh, same, sorry to hear about your father," he nodded, and she noted there was something soothing in his voice. His eyes conveyed sadness, his face exhaustion, but his voice-it was comforting. "Look, I really did want my cup of coffee, not that I'm complaining about it to you. I'm the one who spilled it. What I mean is," he paused and pursed his lips, and as he paused, Lisa studied his expression. His eyes were darting, thinking almost, and she snapped out of it when he started talking again. "Can I buy you a cup of coffee? I'm going to replace mine, and it's the absolute least I can do. Please," he said with a nod of his head, "I'd at least like to do that."
"Oh, it's not necessary," she told him as she made a face. She caught his eye, and his expression changed to one of almost irritation. Lisa schooled her features and glanced to the ground before nodding. "Actually," she glanced to him again, "a cup of tea, if you don't mind. I've been swimming in coffee lately, and that does sound good, but really, it's not necessary."
"It's necessary I clean you up, but considering how improper that would be, buying you a cup of tea is the least I can do." He gestured behind him, "The coffee shop there okay?"
"There's a coffee shop in that entrance?" She hoped her horrified expression didn't convey as she feared it was. He smiled softly and nodded waving his hand toward that entrance.
"I take it you're not in for the cancer unit then? That's where I've been living, and yeah, that entrance, there's a coffee shop around the first corner. It's kind of tucked in there, but it's pretty good and where I bought this cup, I mean the one you're wearing."
She nodded and stopped when she realized she was nodding, shaking her head then to clarify, "Sorry, no, my dad is not in the cancer unit. He's over in the cardiac unit, top floor," she gestured. "Had I known there was a coffee shop this close, I might have stopped in more often. I was too tired to walk to the cafeteria."
He made a face, "The soup there is terrible, and I can eat about anything. I don't blame you," he chuckled. "Let's get that tea for you, another cup of coffee for me. I don't know about you, but I'm going to be here for several more hours today."
"Same," she sighed as they walked, Lisa frowning at the few people they passed who stared at her, probably wanting to ask if she knew she had coffee all over her white blouse. "I'm here most days all day."
"Guess that's why I haven't seen you before," he said, gesturing for her to walk ahead of him as they approached the sliding doors. "I've been over in this part of the building, but I have started to recognize a lot of the same people."
"Same here," she offered a sad smile when she glanced up at him. He had a distinguished look about him, his hair graying, but she was pretty sure he wasn't as old as her dad, even with how much her dad had aged lately. "I have chatted with an older woman whose husband is down the hall from my dad each day in the waiting area. I've seen a few others, you know, given them the polite nod. What do you really say to people when everyone is going through such turmoil?"
He shook his head and frowned as they now were inside and walking side by side. "I don't know. I've not been able to find the words, and I realize people are being polite, but I'm tired of hearing the 'Let me know if I can help' comment. I know people mean well, but I don't have the time or energy to think about the ways people can help. Just help," he shrugged. "It's that easy. People are going through something bad, just help. Bring food. Do something at their house for them. Whatever. I'm not one for charity and am not one who would ask for help, but that saying drives me crazy."
She nodded as she offered a small smile, "I have literally had the same thoughts. I want to scream when I hear that comment. My sister, who lives in Nova Scotia, keeps saying it, along with some other friends and all, but I want to scream at her and tell her to get on a plane. That's how she can help. She's living her life, but mine is here now, not that I would change it or am complaining. People-" she paused and frowned, not sure how to continue.
He nodded, almost as if he understood what she wanted to say and finally tried to finish her sentence, "People don't understand who aren't going through it themselves. Sorry, that's probably not what you were going to say, but-"
"No," she turned and without thinking, put her hand on his arm, quickly realizing it and pulling it back. "Sorry about that. I have always been one who show affection, not to random strangers though," she rolled her eyes. "Ahh, what you said, that's exactly what I was going to say. You don't know until you're the one going through it."
"Exactly, and here we are," he waved his hand, and Lisa's mouth dropped open at the sight of the lovely coffee shop. Had she not known they were in a hospital, this coffee shop wouldn't have given it away. It looked like any normal one anywhere else with a normal counter, endless coffee concoctions and teas, a bakery area, and then a lovely sitting area.
"I'm speechless. I really had no idea this was here. I might have actually eaten some meals if I'd know I could come in here and get a muffin or a yogurt-"
"Whenever I get kicked out of my wife's room, I come here or," he hooked his hand to where they'd been walking, "go outside. Weather is finally getting nice now that it's May."
"Yes, it is," she told him, nodding as she glanced to the menu.
"Whatever you want, and oh," he pointed down the hall, "you can wash up down there, I mean, if you want. Looks like some idiot really covered you in coffee. I can get your tea if you want to do that."
"I will, ahh," she glanced up again and then turned to him. "You're sure you don't mind getting my tea?"
"I need to offer to wash your clothes or as expensive as they look, dry clean them."
"Not necessary," she told him, shaking her head. "The tea is fine, ahh, chai tea, hot."
"Coming up," he told her with a single nod. "Oh," he extended his hand. "Name's Jack, and again, I am very sorry about running into you."
"Lisa," she extended her hand and offered a sympathetic smile. "Please stop apologizing. I will go freshen up or try to right now. I suppose I can trust you with my tea?"
He eyed her, not sure what she was asking, and she chuckled, giving a slight roll of her eyes.
"You know, they always tell women not to leave their drinks with a stranger."
"Oh," he smiled slightly, nodding. "No ma'am, I promise, stand up cowboy. I give you my world."
"Yes, as I'm sure predators admit they are going to spike a drink," she grinned.
"This is true," he nodded. "Look at it this way," he smiled again, and she noticed he had a very soft and gentle smile, one that really was striking. "You're already at the hospital, so if anything goes wrong-"
"Good point," she pointed at him as she started to step away. "Okay, then, Jack, I'll be back for my tea after I see what I can do with this," and she gestured to herself again.
"I'll be the one sitting in the corner table," he waved, and at that, she had to smile and chuckle. In the middle of the afternoon, the coffee shop was empty.
"I'll try to find you, and if I don't see you here, I'll head outside and look for your newest victim."
"You would be the first," he nodded. "Hopefully, the last, I mean," he waved his hand, and something had made him fidget and seem almost nervous. "I'm not planning to spill my coffee on anyone else, not that I planned to spill it on you."
"Keep digging a hole," she said with a smirk, and she turned and started toward the hallway. Lisa turned back around and saw him, Jack, standing in line. "Jack," she called to him, and he glanced her way from where he'd been looking at the menu. "Thank you."
"For spilling my coffee?"
"For taking my mind off everything for a few minutes, even if you did spill your coffee. For making me laugh when I haven't in a long time. So, yes, I suppose," she shrugged, "thanks for spilling your coffee."