Like Knives

by Arith1234

Ellie and Joel come across an unlikely ally that neither wanted nor realized they needed.

108. Chapter 108

Chapter 108: Growing Pains

'You took me out…And taught me how to skate…With blood on my knees…I told you i would be ok…But you knew nothing's that easy…So you said yes when i asked you to stay…Cause for the first time in a long time

I don't want you to go away.'

-Ethel Cain, Growing Pains

Author Notes: I want to thank everyone that's been reading and following along with this story. I know it's a mammoth of a story and I had to step away from it for a bit, but it's always been in the back of my mind and a labor of love for me. It isn't about reviews or likes, but thanks anyway.

Becca was slightly nervous as she stood in Betsy's living room. The bridal party was getting ready at Betsy's house while Joel, Matty and Ellie were at the church getting ready with the guys. Despite everything that's happened, she still wanted to move forward with a church wedding. She's had a considerable amount of time to think about it and it's what she wanted.

She wasn't going to let Ezra or anyone else ruin this day for her. She wasn't an atheist. She still had faith and a belief in a higher power. She just refused to put a name on it.

They deserved to have this wedding. Right smack dab in the middle of Jackson Square. It was a beautiful and bright sunny day. She couldn't ask for more perfect weather. Everyone would be out for sure today. Good, she wanted them to see her walking proudly in her gown to marry the man of her dreams.

She had a pistol strapped to her leg under her gown. It was a shame she had to do that, but danger still lurked about. Just because things were quiet, didn't mean someone wasn't watching. They always had to be prepared for anything.

Becca was fully dressed as she stared in the mirror at herself. She smoothed the dress down as she turned to the side. She shook her head in disbelief. The gown was beautiful.

When she and Betsy talked about what kind of dress she wanted for her second wedding, she already had an idea in mind. She didn't want a traditional dress the second time around. She always loved the color yellow. She knew Joel loved it on her too.

So, they decided on something unique. She's worn enough white to last a lifetime. She wanted to marry Joel again with a clean slate. This is the wedding they should've had.

Maria came up to stand behind her. She placed her chin on her shoulder as she wrapped an arm around her waist, staring at her in the mirror,'You look beautiful. No offense, but this dress looks so much better than the white one.'

She laughed and nodded,'I have to agree.' She shrugged,'It didn't seem right to wear white. I mean…' She smirked,'I'm long past wearing white.'

'You didn't get in until late last night.' She grinned,'I wish I could've seen his face.'

Becca could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. Every time she thought about the night before, her skin felt feverish and her blood ran hot. Her thighs still ached and she had love bites on her chest and back. He probably had a few as well.

She didn't regret what happened last night. In a way, it felt like a spiritual cleansing. She could reconcile her old life with her new one. She knew without a doubt Joel was the man she was supposed to be with.

Even when he was rough with her, there was still love behind his actions. Whenever he would gently bite her, he would soothe the sting with his tongue. He didn't ask her if it's what she wanted. He let her make her own decisions. It's what made her fall in love with him in the first place.

'Yeah.' She sighed wistfully,'If only there were cameras.'

Maria saw the wistful look on her face and laughed,'You have it bad.' She smiled sadly,'The Miller boys have that effect on women.'

Becca could hear the lilting sadness in her voice and hated it. It wasn't fair to her. A small part of herself always felt guilty that her man survived while Maria's didn't. Her therapist called it survivors' guilt, but Maria was still grieving. She's gotten so much better, but she still has her bad days. Especially with joyous moments such as this. They were bittersweet. While she was happy for best friend. It made her miss Tommy and what could've been.

Becca knew there wasn't anything she could do or say to make it better. The only thing she could do is turn around and hug her. Maria sighed in relief as she wrapped her arms around her, closing her eyes as she smiled softly.

'I love you so much, Maria. I just wanted you to know that.'

Maria rubbed her back and kissed her cheek,'I love you too. You're the closest friend I've ever had. Before and after all this.'

Tears filled her eyes as she hugged her tightly,'You're mine too.' She snorted ,'You're the first real friend I've ever had. Before the outbreak, I didn't have any friends. Ever. I know that sounds pathetic, but I never stayed in one place long enough to make any friends.'

'Well.' Maria unwrapped her arms from her and laughed,'You're stuck with us now.'

Becca didn't know how to respond to that. She wouldn't have it any other way. She couldn't care less what anyone else thought. She didn't need anyone else but the ones she had. The ones who stuck by her through thick and thin. They were there since the beginning.

Betsy walked into the living room and handed them all a glass of champagne,'We need to propose a toast.'

Becca, Maria and Lily all took a wine flute off the tray. She didn't care if Maria, Lily and Betsy were the only ones in her bridal party. She was content in this moment.

Betsy took her flute from the tray as she raised her glass in the air,'I wanna say that you and Joel are…impeccable together. He's been a fool for you since ya'll got here. Here we go, once around the world again.' She stared at Becca directly,'You're good for each other. Ya'll survived a hell of a lot and we've all been through it. These past few years have been…trying, but we're here. We made it. To us!'

'To us!' They all shouted simultaneously.

This wedding wasn't just for Becca and Joel. This was a time for them to celebrate the fact they made it. The odds were always stacked against them, but they managed to overcome it. There wasn't anything they couldn't do together.

'What about the traditions?' Lily frowned,'Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue?'

Becca laughed and shook her head,'Matty is my something new.' She lifted up her cross necklace around her neck,'Something old.' She lifted up her dress to reveal the gun,'Something…borrowed.'

They laughed at that. Wedding or not, they needed to be prepared. The rest of the party was strapped as well. She hoped to God no one ruined this day for her. Joel would have to hold her back.'

'What about something blue?' Lily asked.

Becca and Betsy shared a smirk,'That's for Joel to know.'

Lily's eyes widened and she nodded,'Duly noted.'

The clocked chimed nine and Becca took a deep breath. It was time. She could feel her heart start to pound, but she wasn't nervous like she thought she would be. She was excited. She was purely joyful to being marrying him. There wasn't any fear or hesitation. She could not wait to marry him again.

When she married Ben and David, she wasn't happy. She had to grin and bear it. Her wedding nights were spent crying in the bathroom, her body aching from the abuse. It wouldn't be like that with Joel. She was anxious to celebrate with him.

Maria and Lily were already outside. Betsy was making sure Becca's dress was perfect before she left the house.

Betsy fixed the dress in the back and walked in front of her, cupping her face in her hands,'You're happy.'

She didn't ask her. It was a mere statement. The evidence clearly written on her face.

She nodded and smiled softly,'I'm so happy, Betsy. I get to marry him again.' She sighed,'He makes me so happy. He's been really good to me. He's…kind and I know people wouldn't believe me, but he's gentle and sweet. He's so sweet.'

Betsy smiled at her earnest words. She felt so sad for her. She thought people treating her with kindness is a rarity. Maybe in her orbit it had been.

'I believe it.' Betsy shook her head,'I see how he is with you and the kids. He's gotten calmer and…nicer. You bring out the good in him. You both are so good together. This better be the last wedding. So help me God.'

Becca laughed as she hugged her,'It will be. We're too damned old for this.'

'You're telling me.' She snorted,'At least you gave me a grand baby.'

She smiled at that. Betsy was like the mother she's always wanted, but never had. She loved and nurtured her. She was so good to Matty and Ellie. This was her chosen family.

Betsy grabbed her hand and grinned,'Let's get on to the church. You need to show yourself off.'

Becca and Betsy walked out of the house. Maria and Lily were patiently waiting outside. They were both wearing yellow dresses as well to compliment her dress. She thought Maria looked gorgeous. The yellow looked amazing against her skin. She knew Rich would think so too.

They chose to walk to the church. It was only down the road. Besides, she wanted to give a 'fuck you' to the old folk who think they don't hear what they say about her.

'She should go back to where she came from.'

'Doesn't she know she doesn't belong here?'

'Did you know she was wanted by the law? She did porn! She was a stripper for God's sake! A prostitute and criminal! What about our children?'

She wasn't deaf. Nor was she stupid. She may be all these things, but at least she found a good man to love her. Now that she had anything to prove to them. Maybe this will finally make them to shut the fuck up.

Maria and Betsy stood on opposite sides of her and took her hands. Lily hooked her arm in Maria's as they walked to the church. Becca felt so happy in this moment. Content. She couldn't give a goddamn what anyone had to say today. No one else mattered but the Millers and their friends.

Maria leaned into her as they made their way through town,'We got fans.'

She smirked as she looked around. The older ladies were staring in astonishment. Some of them were whispering to each other. She could see some of the younger women looking at them in disdain. She wasn't stupid. She knew the women in town revered Joel. He was a hero to them.

They never stopped to think about all she sacrificed as well, but she didn't have anything to prove to them.

She stared at a few of them, making sure to make direct eye contact with each and every one of them without flinching. She wasn't going to be afraid to love someone or be ashamed. There was nothing for her to feel shame about. She didn't fault them. They were just looking for someone to blame.

She's always been a good scapegoat.

She reached the church house. She could feel the eyes of the townsfolk on her, but she heeded them no mind. This was her day. Not theirs.

She craned her neck as she looked up at the church steeple, her eyes straining against the sun. She could do this. Her issues weren't with God. She owed it to herself. Her past could hurt her no longer. Not when she had a beautiful future ahead of her.

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Joel took a deep breath as Rich fixed his bow tie. He was slightly rocking on his feet and his hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. He wasn't nervous per se. He was more anxious and eager. He was eager to make her his wife again. For the whole world to see. Well, Jackson anyway.

All he could hope is that this went off without a hitch. He didn't want this day ruined for his beautiful bride. He had a pistol in the inside of his coat. Just in case someone tried it.

Rich smirked as he looked over his face,'Stand still, man. Or it's gonna stay crooked.'

Ellie smirked as she crossed her arms over her chest,'He's pissing his pants.'

'Shut it.' He narrowed his eyes, his tone light and teasing,'Wait til it's your turn, kid.'

Ellie laughed as Joel huffed,'I'm never getting married. I'm living in sin for the rest of my life.'

Joel stared upward and sighed exasperatingly, shaking his head. This child was going to be the death of him. He was grateful she was here with him for this.

This was a bittersweet day for him. He swallowed the lump in his throat thinking about Tommy standing here with him for his first wedding. He was his best man and stood proudly at his side. The toast he made at their reception was heartfelt and brought everyone to tears.

To think, it had been all a lie. He told himself it wasn't all fake. He knew his brother better than anyone. At least he thought he did.

He shook his head, ridding his mind of those thoughts. This is supposed to be a happy day. He needed to stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong and just live in the moment.

Ellie walked over to stand beside him. She patted him on the back and smirked at him in the mirror,'You'll do alright.'

Joel snorted and nodded,'Thanks.'

Rich made sure his bow tie was straight and nodded,'You're good to go.'

Joel nodded as he took a deep breath. This was it. He would be marrying the woman of his dreams. Again. He meant it when he said he would marry her everyday for the rest of his life.

There wasn't any uncertainty like before. The threat of danger was still there, but they wouldn't have to marry in secret. She deserved someone who was proud to stand by her side, regardless of what she may have done. He was honored to share his life with her. They weren't perfect, but together they were pretty close to it.

There was a gentle knock on the door and the clergyman popped his head in,'The bride has arrived.'

Joel and Ellie shared a smile. Rich gave Joel a hug, whispering,'Congrats man. See ya out there.'

Rich gave him a wink and a shit eating grin before leaving the room.

Ellie laughed as she looked over his face,'Now that it's just me and you. How do you really feel?'

'I'm fine.' He shook his head,'I can't wait to marry her again.' He frowned,'I just hope no one fucks this up for her. I'll…'

'Blow their brains out?' She nodded as she opened up her suit jacket, revealing the pistol,'I'm not taking any chances either.'

It was sad they had to bring weapons inside of a church, but these weren't normal circumstances. This time, it wasn't zombies they were worried about.

It was the living.

Ellie surprised him by taking his hand in hers,'I'm just breaking your balls.' She squeezed his hand,'I'm so happy you guys stayed together. It was dicey there for a while.' She nodded,'I'm glad ya figured things out though. I…I'm really happy I met you and Becca. If you guys don't stay together this time around I'm disowning you both.'

Joel grinned as he wrapped his arms around her,'I doubt that, ya never have to worry about that. We ain't goin anywhere til death. I can promise ya that.'

Ellie heard the conviction in his tone. She knew without a doubt this union was going to last. If any two people were meant to be together; it was them.

The door opened and Rich popped his head,'Come on you two. We got ladies waiting on us.'

Joel swallowed the lump in his throat. She saw the nervousness on his face and bit back a snide remark. He was such a man sometimes. She loved him anyway.

She looked up at him and smiled softly,'Ya ready?'

'Yeah.' He nodded,'Let's do this.'

Ellie was surprised as he held tightly onto her hand as they walked out of the room. Rich was waiting for him in the hallway and the three of them walked out together.

Joel walked into the church and looked around. He wasn't surprised to see there weren't many guests on Becca's side. Just Betsy, Am, Lily and Abby. Joel's side was more filled out. He smiled when he saw his therapist sitting there with her husband. He was happy to have her here. If it weren't for her, he wouldn't be here right now and that's the damned truth. She told him, he deserves the credit, but he was hard to get through, but she was patient. She had an unconventional approach to therapy. It didn't feel like therapy. It felt like he was talking to an old friend. She came to his house or he went to hers most days. They would sit on the couch have a cup of coffee and just shoot the shit. He actually found it therapeutic and helpful to have an unbiased opinion.He was proud to share this moment with her.

A lot of his farm hands showed up as well as a lot of his colleagues in construction.

They were all sitting with their wives. Women who shamed Becca, gossiped about her and called her names. He wouldn't judge them for that today. This was a special day for them and he refused to have it ruined.

Him, Ellie and Rich stood in the front with the preacher. They were surprised when the Preacher agreed. Isiah was someone whom didn't judge others. He wasn't like the other clergymen of God who judged others for their indiscretions.

Joel had his hands folded behind his back as he impatiently waited for his bride. The organ started playing and he took a deep breath. This was it.

He could feel his palms getting sweaty and the nervousness started to really kick in. He couldn't wait to see her. He was eager to marry her again. For good this time.

Becca stood behind the closed doors clutching tightly onto her bouquet. They were a bouquet of gardenias from her garden. The flowers represented love and purity. It was fitting for them. This was pure and real love. It wasn't perfect, but together they could face anything.

Maria rubbed her back soothingly, whispering,'You ready?'

She heard the bridal music playing loudly and took a deep breath, feeling the anxiousness setting in, but she was happy. So happy.

Becca nodded and smiled softly,'I am.'

Maria opened up the doors and Becca could smell the incense burning. It didn't trigger her anymore. These walls couldn't hurt her. Only people hurt people.

Becca's eyes widened as she looked down the aisle, seeing Joel and Ellie standing there with the Preacher. He was wearing a black tux with a black bow tie. His hair was neatly parted to the side and she loved he didn't cut it for the wedding. He didn't shave either, which she loved. She wanted to marry him as he is. For its who she fell in love with.

He looked so handsome standing there waiting to marry her. The most beautiful man in the world to her. Inside and out. They've been through hell together and made it out alive.

She smiled tearfully when she saw Ellie standing next to him. She was wearing a matching tuxedo and she loved that Betsy didn't judge Ellie like some of the others in town. The old folks didn't approve of her lifestyle. She didn't care what anyone else thought and lived her truth. She envied Ellie's strength and determination.

She wasn't surprised to see only a few people sitting on her side. She didn't expect anyone to show up, but the people that mattered to her. She was happy to see the big turnout on Joel's side. He had a lot of people who respected him in this town. It was about damned time they recognized what an incredible man he is. They just realized what she's known all along.

She waved at Matty in Ellie's arms. He looked so cute in his tuxedo. She wished cameras still existed. She only had memories to keep it alive. She was so thankful their son got to share this with them.

Becca's eyes met his as she made her way to him. His hands were folded in front of his mouth as if in prayer. He looked at her with tears in his eyes. She was shocked to see the look on his face. He looked almost…stunned. Any reservations she had about her dress went out the window with the look of adoration he gave her.

Joel blinked his eyes a few times, hoping she were real. He's never seen anything so perfect. She was so precious to him.

She didn't wear traditional white as she did before. The dress was a bright yellow. It was spaghetti strapped and seemed to be made a thin material. There were ruffles in the front and along the bottom of the dress. It went all the way down to her ankles and he swore the material was transparent. Or maybe that was just his imagination running wild.

She barely wore any makeup and her hair was worn simply down. It was curled and parted to the side. He smiled when he looked down and saw the ballet flats. They were a far cry from the heels she wore the night before.

When he woke up that morning, he was afraid it had all been a dream, but when he got showered and saw the scratch marks on his back and biceps. The love marks on his chest. His legs felt sore and her corset and panties she left on the floor let him know it was very much real.

She was a walking fantasy to him. Not just as Scarlet. He couldn't wait to take her away for a few days. He had it all planned. Just the two of them. She had no idea.

Maria was walking with her up the aisle. He smiled when he saw them holding hands. He was thankful she and Maria were so close. They needed each other.

Joel took a few deep breaths as she made her way to him. He blinked away tears, whispering ,'Jesus.'

Ellie's eyes widened and she leaned into him, whispering,'Joel…she looks amazing.'

'I know.' He nodded,'Every inch of her.'

Ellie was surprised at his declaration. He's never been forthcoming with his emotions, but he wasn't ashamed when it came to her. He refused to give this up.

They got to the altar and Becca handed her flowers over to Maria.

Becca leaned over and kissed all over Matty's face,'My handsome man.'

Joel scoffed and placed his hand over his heart,'Flirting with another man at the altar. The audacity.'

Everyone laughed at that. Becca and Joel instantly felt ease. Marrying him was easy.

The preacher smiled as he looked at Becca and Maria,'Who gives this lady away in marriage?'

'I do.' Maria said proudly,'All day long.'

Becca laughed softly, grateful for Maria's humor. She thought about the last time they were in this church. The images of her plastered all over for everyone to see. She shook her head. She refused to think about that today. She wouldn't let the demons take over today.

Joel held his hand out to Becca. His eyes roved all over her and he shook his head in disbelief,'You…look…' He sighed shakily. He couldn't find the words. She always rendered him speechless.

She cupped his bearded cheek and smiled tearfully,'You look so handsome.' She stroked his cheek,'I'm so happy.'

He could see it in her eyes. It was the same look that reflected in his own. She was happy to be marrying him. She didn't look scared or anxious like the first time around. There wasn't the threat of the council looming. They could have this perfect day.

The preacher cleared his throat and opened up his bible. Becca stared at the book and took a deep breath. That book brought her a lot of heartache over the years, but she told herself it isn't the same. The Bible wasn't the problem. It was men skewing the words as their own.

'Ladies and gentlemen, we hold marriage up as a sacred union between two people who are committed to loving one another and spending the rest of their lives together, faithful to each other, and to their journey together.'

Becca and Joel stared at each other. He looked directly in her eyes, silently asking if she were okay. She gave him a small smile and a nod, squeezing his hand reassuringly. She wasn't sad today. He could see the happiness in her eyes, the adoration and love reflected back in them. He felt like he could take on the world when she looked at him like that.

The Preacher a serious look on his face,'But we also know as a society that marriage is a serious institution. It requires deep commitment, faith and trust in your spouse, and a lot of patience to make it work. In the time I've known Rebecca and Joel, and in the conversations we've had discussing this ceremony, I've seen those things. I've seen their commitment to one another, their faith and trust, and their patience - and above it all, I've seen the love that these two wonderful people have for each other.'

She took a deep breath as she saw him open up his bible. She could feel Joel tense up and she squeezed his hand again, silently reassuring him it was okay. She wouldn't break down. For once, she saw clarity in life and what she wanted.

The preacher stared down into his book,'Now in the book of 1st Corinthians, the Apostle Paul provides us with a beautiful description of the kind of love that a marriage needs. He writes, "Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

The Preacher smiled softly as he placed his hands on both their shoulders,'Rebecca and Joel, I want to urge you to hold to that vision of your love for one another, because even though all of us here are behind you and rooting for you, life throws us challenges, and in the midst of those challenges, it's the kind of love St. Paul was describing that is going to get you through it. Knowing this, it's time to declare yourselves to one another.

Becca almost rolled her eyes. Not everyone was rooting for them. Some were just here for the free food and booze. She wasn't naive to think otherwise.

This was it though. It was time for them to once again solidify what that already knew. They belonged to each other.

'I take that you prepared your own vows?'

Becca and Joel nodded. She took her hand out of his and Maria handed her the piece of paper. She swallowed the lump in her throat and took a deep breath,'Joel, we've known each other for almost ten years now.' Her hands were shaking as he put his hands on her arms, rubbing them soothingly instantly putting her at ease,'I truly didn't think we would make it this far. We…we've been through so much over the years. We've lost so much. We shared so many beautiful memories together. And I know we'll share many more. I never regretted leaving with you and Ellie. It was the best decision I've ever made.'

Tears were falling from her eyes and Joel wiped them away. She smiled gratefully as she continued,'I'm honored to walk this life with you. Every step. I've never regretted anything. Only that I wish I had more time to know you. To love you, but I'm thankful that before I die, I know what it's like to experience real love. To have someone love me despite everything. I swear to you I will never willingly hurt you.' She took a deep breath to gather her courage,'I promise to always stand by your side and never run away again. I don't always make it easy on you, but you've never given up on me. Even when I wanted to give up on myself.'

She looked up at him and saw tears in his eyes,'For the rest of our lives, I promise to love, honor and cherish you. You've given me everything I've ever wanted. There's no one else I would want to do this with. I'm yours forever.'

He choked up at that and held onto her shoulders as he felt himself swaying. He felt lightheaded at her words. Ellie was going to break his balls about it later. He didn't care if his friends saw him emotional. He wasn't ashamed of being in love. Not anymore. Their fears and insecurities almost ruined them.

'Thank you.' He whispered so only she could hear,'Thank you, darlin.'

His voice was rough with emotion and she stroked his cheek, whispering,'Thank you.'

His hands were shaking slightly as he took the piece of paper out of his pocket. His eyes flickered up to hers,'It's not as good as yours but here we go.' He took a deep breath,'For a long time, I was content in being by myself. Even before this all happened, I was content with raising my daughter alone. I…never knew what it was like to have a friend. A real friend.' He shook his head,'And I know that sounds pathetic for a man my age, it's the truth. I was almost fifty before I realized what real love felt like. You started off as my best friend. Somewhere along the line, you became someone I've relied on. I know I didn't have a good way of showing it in the beginning, but I was afraid cause I knew you were gonna be someone that would change my life. I could feel it in my bones.'

She held onto his arm and squeezed it gently. Tears obscured her vision. Joel was a man of few words. Well, to the outside anyway. He only let a few people in, but today he was going to share how he felt about her with the world. No more bullshit.

He looked up at her and stroked her cheek,'You're my touchstone. You're everything right and beautiful in this world. I've spent the majority of my life alone, but I've realized I don't wanna do it alone. Not when I have you. I can't promise that I won't make mistakes. I get in my moods sometimes, but I swear to never hurt you again. I'll love and protect you until my dying day.' He nodded over to Matty and Ellie,'You've given me so much. You're everything to me.'

Becca wiped the tears from his eyes and leaned in close, resting her forehead against his,'You're everything to me too.'

The preacher looked out at the crowd. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. They weren't used to this kind of Becca and Joel. They saw them as unfeeling. They've never witnessed them behind closed doors. They finally get a glimpse of what they've always known.

The preacher closed the Bible and placed it on the podium. He averted his eyes between the two,'Are we ready?'

Joel took both of her hands in his. He could feel them shaking slightly. He was glad to see he wasn't alone in this. She was excited and nervous too. She looked almost giddy.

They both nodded eagerly and he laughed softly,'Rebecca…Miller?'

She looked up at the preacher and nodded,'Yes please.'

She was thankful he still used her married name. She didn't feel right using her family name. She felt so detached from that life. It was dead and gone.

He smiled,'Very well, do you take Joel Miller to be your lawfully wedded husband from this day forward - to have and to hold, in good times and bad, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health; will you love, honor, and cherish him for as long as you both shall live?'

'I do.' She nodded as she squeezed his hands,'Of course I do.'

Joel laughed as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

The preacher turned to Joel and grinned. He wasn't used to seeing the man so…emotional. He was human too. They needed to be reminded of that fact.

The Preacher had Joel repeat the same words back to her. He averted his eyes between the two,'Since you already have rings, the bride and groom would like to do something special.'

She was grateful he left out a lot of the religion, but this felt right. She wasn't sad. How could she be sad in this moment?

Maria handed the Preacher the scarf. It was the Chilean flag to honor Joel's heritage.

The preacher took their hands and wrapped the scarf around them,'I hereby bless these two in a perfect union. May you have many beautiful years together filled with happiness, joy and abundance. With the power vested in me by the city of Jackson, Wyoming.' He smirked at Joel,'You may kiss your bride.'

Joel didn't need to be told twice. He held her face in his hands and kissed her hungrily. She eagerly returned the kiss, cupping the back of his neck. He placed his hand on her lower back and dipped her as the kiss deepened.

Joel held up the Chilean flag in the air and twirled it out as he continued to kiss his bride.

Everyone was standing up as they clapped and cheered for them. Ellie playfully covered Matty's eyes as she cheered for them.

The preacher looked down at them and shook his head, laughing. He waited until they came up for air.

The preacher raised up their joint hands,'Ladies and gentleman. It is with great pleasure that I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Miller!'

Maria whistled and Becca laughed. Becca took Matty from Betsy and grabbed Ellie's hand. They walked down the aisle as a family.

They walked out of the church as the guests threw rice at them. Joel wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He could see some of the townsfolk in the distance, staring at them in contempt. He couldn't find it in his heart to care.

He looked down at his beautiful wife and children. These were the only people that mattered. They didn't think they would survive the first time around. They weren't going to take this second chance for granted.

Joel stared out onto the crowd gathered outside. The curious onlookers leered at them. He bit back a sneer as he saw them whispering and pointing.

He took a deep breath and shoved the rage down deep inside. He would save it for another day. He wanted to be happy today. They deserved after it all they've been through.

He kissed the top of Becca's head as he breathed in the scent of her, letting it soothe and lull him. He planned something special for them. It's what they needed after the long two years they've had. Everything was arranged. He hoped she appreciated it. It's not much, but all he could give her in these times.

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After the ceremony, they all congregated back at Maria's house for the reception. The small wedding party all gathered together and walked down the street. It wasn't a far walk to Maria's house and the weather was beautiful. If only they could commemorate this occasion in some way.

Becca held tightly onto Joel's hand as she looked up at him. He was carrying their son securely in his arms. Their daughter, Ellie was walking along beside him. Abby was walking alongside her and she had her arm wrapped around her shoulders. She looked so beautiful in her tuxedo, matching Joel's. Her heart felt so full. This is all she's ever wanted. To have a real loving and caring family that protected each other.

Since a young age, she's had to learn that you can't have it both ways. Money comes and goes, but it's the relationships along the way that make life worth it. These last ten years, she's learned so much about herself. She realized she's strong, capable and worthy of love. She had to learn to love herself in order to love someone else.

As she looked at Ellie, Joel and Matty. She's come to realize this is what her life led up to. All the pain, suffering and heartache had been worth it, just to have this again. She would do it all over again if she had to.

They all have been through war together. There may be another. Ezra very well could be out there. They were ready for him.

Not today though. Today was a cause for celebration. A one for the books. Becca changed into her cowboy boots and another yellow spaghetti strapped dress. It went mid length and she was grateful for the comfortable clothes and shoes.

She walked out to the patio and her eyes widened when she saw him standing there waiting for her. His hands were in his pockets. He was looking out into the crowd. She smiled at the water in his hand. He was committing to his sobriety. She was so proud of him. He has difficult moments. There were days when all he wanted was a drink, but he deterred himself with something productive: such as carpentry or taking a horseback ride with her.

His strength is what made her fall in love with him. He was also brutally honest with her. He wasn't afraid to call her out on her bullshit. He never lied to her. No matter if it hurt her or not. She respected him for that.

She could see he changed out of his suit jacket and shirt. He was wearing a white short sleeved buttoned down shirt. It looked to be made of a thin almost transparent material. She could see his tanned skin underneath.

Her eyes averted down to his ass in his black dress pants. She shouldn't ogle, but this was her husband. Was it polite to do so? Was there a handbook for this?

He turned around and her eyes widened when she saw he was wearing his black framed reading glasses. His curls were curtaining his eyes and were in disarray from the wind. His eyes were clear and bright.

He had a smile behind his mustache. Her heart fluttered in her chest. Married twice and the father of her child. He still gave her butterflies. He was devastatingly handsome. Maria joked he aged like fine wine. She had to agree.

She never thought older men were her type. Then again, she's never met a Joel Miller before either.

He narrowed his eyes and smirked, 'How long ya been standing there?'

She shrugged as she walked over to him, sliding herself into his arms,'Long enough.' She wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up at him, smiling softly,'You make me happy, Mr. Miller.'

He smirked as he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close his chest,'You make me happy too, Mrs. Miller.' He saw her smile at that,'Ya turned me into a sappy idiot.'

She looked out at the small crowd gathered in Maria's backyard. She managed to get a small live band together. She had a table with food lined up. The trees had lights in them and flowers everywhere.

Tears filled her eyes as she shook her head in disbelief. She couldn't believe she went through all the trouble for her. She really loved her friends.

She really cherished that woman. Until the day she dies.

Joel held her face in her hands as he searched her face,'You deserve this.'

She laughed softly. It was as if he read her mind. She turned her head and kissed his palm,'So do you.' She nodded,'We both do.'

She perked up and fixed the collar of his shirt,'Have I told you how handsome you are?'

He averted his eyes downward and chuckled lowly. He didn't respond. He still didn't handle compliments well. He wasn't used to getting them. He was raised that men don't take compliments. It's for pussys and faggots. There's a reason why his daddy is six feet under.

He slid his hands down to her waist, his fingers toying with the material of her dress,'Each time I think ya can't get any prettier.' His eyes looked over her and he shook his head in disbelief, whispering,'I ain't ever talked this way with no one before.'

He shrugged, but didn't feel uncertain. He needed to be honest with her. Just like Patty Lee said. Even if he sounds like a pansy.

'I like it.' She cupped his cheek, leaning close to him,'It makes me feel good. You're the first man I ever…experienced anything with. I don't count those other men. I want you. I always want you. Since the moment I saw you.' She averted her eyes downward, ,'I used to think it was…wrong and sinful, but it was anything but.'

She shook her head and scoffed,'I'm probably fucking crazy, but aren't we all? All I know is that I love it when you tell me how ya feel. Just like I love telling you the same. Cause when I say it to you? I mean it. With my heart and soul. I give it to you for free. All of me. Just like I know when you tell me your feelings. It's the truth. No bullshit. You don't lie to me either.' She sighed as he tightly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close,'I love the way you talk to me. It's sexy…hot.'

He could feel her skin burning against his palm. Her cheeks were flushed and she had a twinkle in her eyes. It reminded him of the way she looked at him last night. The hottest night of his life. Fuck, he got hard just thinking about it. He's never begged with a woman like that before. Honest to God begged. He would gladly do it all over again for her.

He kissed her forehead as he nuzzled his nose against her skin, whispering,'Thank you for last night.' He leaned back as his eyes met hers,'I mean that. Thank you for trusting me.'

Tears filled her eyes and she swallowed the lump in her throat. She nodded and blinked away tears,'Only you'll ever have her again. No one else.'

He nodded as he bent down and kissed her lips,'I just want my sweet Rebecca tonight.' His eyes averted down to her dress,'Beautiful.' The words tore through him roughly and he smirked down at her cowboy boots,'Darlin?'

She followed his line of sight and read the smirk on his face. She rolled her eyes and shook her head,'Save a horse. Ride a cowboy, hmm?'

His jaw slacked in shock as she laughed softly. She took his hand and led him down into the garden, 'Come on. We don't wanna keep Maria waiting.'

Joel smiled at her enthusiasm. He couldn't help but feel happiness in this moment. Pure happiness.

Maria held her hands out as they walked into the room,'Ladies and gentleman, Mr. And Mrs. Miller!'

The small crowd applauded them as they arrived. Becca immediately sought out Matty. They greeted the guests, thanking them for coming. The wives were mostly cordial to her, but some just plain ignored her. She wasn't offended. She was grateful they came. Even if it was only for Joel and Maria's benefit.

Maria walked over to them and took Matty out of Becca's arms. Her eyes widened in surprise, but she wasn't alarmed. She trusted Maria with her life. She was just curious as to what was going on.

She averted her eyes between them,'Ya'll know it's the first dance as a married couple.' She smirked,'It's tradition. Even a second time around.'

Becca looked around the room and smiled shyly. She wasn't used to dancing in front of a group of people, but she wanted to do things out of her comfort zone. Scarlet wouldn't bat an eye at this. She was mostly drunk and high all the time.

This was wholly different. She wasn't offended Rebecca Miller. Survivor. Woman. Wife and Mother. In no particular order.

The band began playing a slow song that Becca didn't recognize, but it seemed to have a Spanish influence to it. She wondered if it was Betsy's doing. She was bringing some of his culture to their union.

He held his hands out to her and smiled softly, whispering,'May I have this dance, Mrs. Miller?'

He had a sexy ass smirk on his face. Years ago, she wanted to slap that smirk right off his face. They hurt each other plenty over the years. She was so cruel and unfair to him, but no more.

Tonight solidified what they've known all along.

She slid her hands in his and he wrapped one arm around her waist while keeping her other hand in the air. His hand was on her lower back and she tried to follow the steps along with him. She laughed softly as she stumbled over his feet slightly. She wasn't used to dancing with other people. She usually danced alone or for other people.

They didn't want certain wedding traditions such as feeding each cake and whatnot. Rather, they chose this to be a celebration for all of them. They made it through the roughest parts. Hopefully.

This was something special. She was just an ordinary woman sharing a first dance with her husband.

He must've sensed her uneasiness because he pulled her closer, pressing his lips against her temple,'It's just me and you, baby. I got ya. I was so fuckin proud of ya today.'

He twirled them around as she laughed slightly. He kissed the side of her head and grinned, whispering,'I got a surprise for ya…later.'

She stared up at him and shook her head, wondering what it could be. He bent down and whispered something filthy in her ear, making her giggle. She felt relaxed as she focused on just the two of them. Everyone else dissipated around them.

She rested her head against his shoulder as he kissed the top of her head,'I love you so much.' She whispered softly so only he could hear,'Ya have no idea.' She looked over him and shook her head in disbelief,'I'm so happy to be your wife. So proud.'

His eyes widened at her heartfelt declaration. She's never spoken so boldly before. He wanted to kiss the living daylights out of her.

He couldn't help but lean down and kiss her lips, mumbling,'I love ya too, baby.' He sighed shakily against her hips,'God, ya gotta know this is the real deal for me.'

She nodded silently. Nothing else needed to be said for now. They knew how each other felt.

She was just happy to be alive and see her children thrive. She sat with Joel as he held Matty in his lap. Ellie was sitting next to her and Abby was right by her side. Maria was next to Joel and Rich next to his girlfriend. They made a motley, but formidable team.

Becca was talking with Lily and another guest while Joel was sitting with Matty. He needed a breather to take it all in.

'Is this seat taken?'

He looked up and smiled softly when he saw his therapist, Patricia Lee. She's been his therapist for a few years now. She was from Chicago and used to be a doctor and licensed therapist before the outbreak. Her and her husband Ronald came here for better living conditions. She adapted easily.

He was hesitant to speak with her at first. He didn't feel comfortable discussing his feelings and past with a stranger, but she was easy to talk to. She was in her late sixties. She was comforting and easy to talk to, almost like a grandma. Over time, he grew to trust her and valued their sessions together. He owed a lot to his recovery to her. She helped him sort through all his reasoning on why he decided to rescue Ellie and Becca.

He's come to a breakthrough with therapy. It all boiled down to Sarah. She was the catalyst for all his fears. He didn't want to lose Becca, Ellie or Matty like he did Sarah and even Tommy.

If he lost either one of them; it would kill him. It would never happen. Not while he's living and breathing.

Patricia tucked her blonde hair behind her ear and looked over at Matty, waving at him,'He looks a lot like you.'

He snorted and nodded,'So the Missus says.' He ruffled his hair,'Poor kid.'

Patty playfully slapped his shoulder,'Hush you.' She smirked,'You seem very happy. Good for you.'

Joel looked over at Becca. She had a glass of wine in her hand and was laughing at something Maria said. He felt that fluttering in his chest again. It wasn't anxiety. Just…joy. He's never been this happy before.

She sighed as she ducked her head, meeting his gaze, 'You're allowed to be happy. She would want that.'

He nodded, knowing who she was referring to,'I know. She would've loved Becca, Matty and El. I know it.' He laughed,'They would all be plotting against me.'

He blinked away tears and sniffled roughly. There wasn't any sad tears today. Only happy ones. The fight could hold off for a bit. They deserved a goddamned celebration after everything they've been through.

Patty smiled warmly as he patted his back,'She's always with you. Even if she isn't here physically. I know you understand that.'

'I do. Of course I do.' He stared at Becca and shook his head,'She makes everything better. I can't explain .' He laughed,'I sound like a pansy. I swore I wouldn't ever been one of those types.'

'One of those types, what? In love?'

He leaned back in his chair and huffed. He couldn't argue with that.

Patty was playing with Matty's feet as he laughed. She looked up at him with pity in her eyes,'Stop dwelling on what bad can happen and just focus on today. It's all we can do. None of us our promised tomorrow.'

He nodded as he kissed the top of Matty's head,'I really do love her and I'm gonna do right by her this time.'

Patty smiled softly as she saw Becca walking over to them,'Don't tell me that. Prove it to your wife.'

Becca walked over to them and Patty got up to hug the bride,'Congratulations on your wedding. The ceremony was beautiful. You look beautiful.'

'Thank you.' Becca nodded and smiled gratefully,'Thank you for coming and supporting us. Under the circumstances.'

Patty snorted as she rolled her eyes,'I do what I want.' She looked up at Joel and smirked,'Just like your husband over there. Speaking of husbands.' She shook her head and sighed exasperatingly,'I need to find mine. I swear that man needs a damned bell.'

Patty patted Joel's chest and grinned,'Keep him outta trouble, will ya?'

Becca nodded and laughed,'I'll try.'

Joel sat back down and she plopped next to him, halfway sitting on his lap. Matty was laying his chest against Joel's chest, almost fast asleep. She smiled and gently ran her hands through his dark curls, looking the spitting image of his father. It was also nearing his bedtime and he didn't have a nap today. He was cranky.

She leaned up and ran her hand through Joel's hair,'I should bring him to bed.'

His eyes widened and he looked over at her frowning,'Leavin so soon?' He leaned in close to her, whispering,'The party's just begun.'

'Betsy is ready to leave anyway.' She met his eyes and smirked,'She said it's a wedding gift to us. She's taken him for the entire weekend.' Her eyes widened,'I didn't think that was fair to her with the shop and all, but Maria said they had it taken care of.' She shrugged,'It's been awhile since it's been me and you.'

Joel nodded, but kept mum. He already planned this well in advance.He didn't tell her it was going to be four days and three nights. He planned to take her some place she's never been, but needed to see.

Betsy walked over to them and scooped Matty up into her arms, 'This old lady is ready for bed.' She bent down and kissed Becca's cheek and then Joel's,'I love you both, but don't take this the wrong way. I'm glad I didn't marry ya guys again. My lovely son swears I jinxed it.'

Joel shook his head and laughed,'Ya didn't jinx it.' He met his wife's gaze,'It was perfect then too.'

Becca's eyes widened at his heartfelt declaration,'It was perfect for me too.'

Betsy sighed softly and was about to say something when Matty's shrill cries interrupted them. She gently rocked and shushed him, whispering,'I know, little man. You're tired. Me too.'

'Are ya sure about taking him?' Becca frowned,'I don't wanna burden ya. We can bring him along.'

Joel's eyes widened up at Betsy and he jerked his head slightly.

Betsy shook her head and smiled uneasily,'No need. I'm happy to do it. It's my wedding gift to you.'

Becca averted her eyes between Betsy and Joel. Betsy wasn't a very good liar, but her husband had a hell of a poker face. They were up to something. She was sure of it. She would let it slide. For now.

Joel was relieved as Betsy set off with Matty, making sure to firmly remind Am of his curfew.

He slid his chair closer to Becca's and wrapped his arm around the back of it. He leaned down and kissed her shoulder, nuzzling into her skin,'I can't take my hands off ya tonight.'

She smiled softly as she nuzzled her forehead against his. Her eyelids fluttered softly as he ran the back of his hand up and down her arm, sending delicious chills throughout her body. He smelled like that sandalwood soap he favored, leather and fresh air. It was a heady combination. She felt light headed. She didn't know if it were the wine or the man.

Maybe a little bit of both.

This felt freeing, to love him like this openly. She didn't care about the people who were here out of obligation. It felt like only the two of them existed. Right now, here in this moment.

She heard him mumble something Spanish under his breath as he kissed her forehead. She frowned as she gently squeezed his leg, whispering,'What did ya say?'

'Me haces hervir la sangre' He repeated again, but this time more prominent.

Her heart clenched tight in her chest. She loved when he spoke Spanish. She loved to watch him teach their son the language. He was beginning to pick up on words and phrases, along with the different meanings of things. He was so smart. She joked he caught on quicker than her.

She stared downward and laughed softly,'I'm sorry. I'm not that advanced yet.'

He licked his lips as he chuckled lowly, the sound reverberating throughout his chest,'I said ya make my blood boil.' He looked out at the crowd and narrowed his eyes,'I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks. Ya wear that fuckin Miller name proud, baby.'

Becca's eyes widened as tears filled her eyes. She understood what he meant. He didn't judge her for the past. Just as she didn't judge him for the horrible atrocities he's committed. They've made amends with their pasts. It was time to move on. Together.

'I am proud to carry your name.' She jerked her head towards the crowd,'It doesn't matter none to me.' She slid her hand in his and smiled softly,'I'm content with what I have.'

As he stood there staring at her. She stared back at him with such a bright smile on her face. Her big blue eyes were clear and filled with joy and adoration . Her cheeks were flushed from the wine and conversation.

Is this what he's been missing all these years? He was denied the best parts of her. He adored every facet of her for it's what shapes her into the woman she is today. The one he fell in love with.

The band started playing an uptempo song. The guitarist started playing chords of a song Joel seemed to recognize. His leg started bouncing as he snapped his fingers to the beat. She looked up at him, staring at him in wonderment.

When they met back in Silver Lake, never in a million years did she think she would see him like this. So liberated and happy.

She smirked as his glasses slid down his nose as he jammed to the rhythm. She loved seeing this side of him. He was more relaxed and vulnerable. He wasn't afraid to let himself enjoy life and just…live in the moment. They've both learned to do that.

He looked over at her and placed his hand on her thigh,'Dance with your husband, Mrs. Miller.'

She laughed and shook her head,'When ya say it like that? How can I resist?'

He leaned his head back and laughed. She grinned up at him as he stood up and held his hand out to her. She placed her hand in his and let him lead her onto the dance floor. She was content in their marriage to let him lead in some things; such as dancing. It was his Latin blood coursing through his veins.

She loved when he danced around the house either with her or Matty. Sometimes, he could even get Ellie to dance with him. He looked so happy in those moments. The smile on his face palpable.

He wrapped one arm around her waist and took her other hand in his. There were couples on the dance floor and just some people dancing along to the band. Ellie and Abby were even out on the dance floor together.

He spun her around the room as she laughed. She placed her hand on his shoulder as he bent down and kissed her bare shoulder. The band was playing a fast and uptempo song. She was surprised that Joel seemed to know the words to it. He was very musically inclined while she couldn't play a note.

She loved the artistic side of him. Just as he loved the 'hippy' side of her. People wondered how they stayed together. They thought they were so different, but they couldn't be anymore wrong. They were like two sides of the same coin.

After everything they've endured separately and together. They should be bitter and hate the world. Maybe there was a time when that was the case. They refused to blame others for their unhappiness. Their therapists were right. They needed to take responsibility for their own lives.

She looked over Joel's shoulder and saw Patty and Peter watching over them. They valued what they've done for them. They saved their lives in a way. If it weren't for them, they wouldn't be here right now.

Joel looked over Becca's face. There was a flush in her cheeks from the wine and the dancing. Her eyes were clear and bright. She had a wide smile on her face. She looks so happy.

He held her face in her hands and kissed her deeply. She smiled against his lips as she cupped the back of his neck, eagerly returning the kiss. No one else existed as they stood in the middle of the dance floor kissing each other.

Tears filled her eyes at the powerful emotions she felt behind his kiss. She felt her knees begin to buckle and he placed his hand on her lower back to steady her. This is why she didn't need for him to tell her how he felt. She could feel it.

He slowly pulled away from the kiss and nuzzled his nose against hers,'Been wanting to do that since church.'

She ran her fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck,'Why didn't you? I wouldn't have complained. Don't give a damn what anyone says either.'

He smirked as he ran his hands through her hair,'I wish I could give ya a real honeymoon.' He looked over her face,'I would take ya to Colorado or California. Take ya to where my mama was from in Chile. All I can give ya is this.'

'It's all I need.' She leaned up and cupped his cheek,'I never thought I would make it this far let alone find something like this. This is the most beautiful thing you could give me. Anywhere you are. That's all I need.'

He cupped the back of her head and rested his forehead against hers, whispering,'I wanna head out before sundown. You should get changed.'

Her eyes widened as she looked over his face,'Where are we going?'

He playfully pinched her cheek,'Don't ya worry your pretty little face off.' He cupped her chin and lifted her head up to meet his,'I wouldn't let no harm come to ya.'

She nodded and frowned,'I know that.' She smiled sheepishly,'I'm just impatient.'

'Yeah.' He nodded and snorted,'You're a woman.'

Her eyes widened and he winked, letting her know he was only joking around.

His eyes met Maria's and she nodded, giving him a small smile. She already had Becca's bags packed. He was hesitant on letting her pack everything, but she assured him that she knew what she needed. She was a woman too.

Maria walked over to them and whisked her away. She took Becca's hand and led her into her house. She stared at her friend and shook her head,'What's going on?'

'You're going on a honeymoon.'

Becca's heart started pounding and she swallowed harshly,'For how long? What about Matty and the farm? Who will take care of everything? What about-'

Maria smirked and placed her hand over her mouth,'Shut up and just go upstairs and get dressed. You're not going to fucking Africa. you're going an hour away. Give or take. For four days.' She met her friend's gaze,'I repeat four days. Me and Betsy are gonna take turns taking care of Matty. We have El and Abby to lend a hand. Joel already gave instructions to his ranch hands. You're going if I have to tie ya up and throw ya on Joel's horse myself.' She sighed and shook her head,'You deserve this. You both deserve to have some time alone together. Without no interruptions. There's no looming threat of danger. You aren't at each other's throats. The conditions are…perfect. The two of you can just enjoy each other and just…be.'

She nodded as she took a deep breath. She was overcome with emotion. She truly didn't know what to say. She had the best friends.

'Maria…' She shook her head,'I don't know how to thank you.'

Maria grinned and nodded towards outside,'Don't thank me. Thank your husband. He's the one who set this all up.'

Becca's eyes widened as she looked out the window at Joel. He was standing by the horses as he made sure their saddles were sturdy. She's never loved this man more than she did in this moment. He's the sweetest man a woman could ask for. Once you got through his rough exterior, he was the most tender man.

She turned to Maria and smiled softly,'Let me go get changed.'

Maria sighed in relief and chuckled softly,'Atta girl.'

She watched Becca walk up the stairs and yelled out to her,'Make sure it's comfortable for riding!'

'Noted!' She yelled back at her.

She watched as Becca ran up the stairs and rolled her eyes. These kids were going to be the death of her, but she would take the chaos over the silence any day. It's getting easier as each day passes. She doesn't cry everyday like she used to. While she has her moments; she doesn't let them get the best of her.

She smiled when she saw Rich walking into the house. He was such a great guy. He was a great father who was raising two twin teenage daughters alone. They were really sweet with Sebastian. While he wasn't Tommy; she didn't want him to be. She had a Tommy Miller. Lord knows she wouldn't survive another one.

Rich walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her, kissing the top of her head,'Long day, huh?'

She snorted and nodded,'That's an understatement.' She looked up at him, giving him a soft smile,'You staying over?'

He looked over her face and nodded,'Of course.' He smirked,' Someone has to help you clean up all this mess.'

Maria sighed as she looked up at him. Yeah, she was beginning to really love this man. She just hoped he didn't have any secrets to hide from her.

Becca changed into jeans, a t shirt and flannel. She put her riding boots on, heeding Maria's advice.

There was a gentle knock on the door as Becca was packing her bag,'Come in.' She called out over her shoulder.

The door opened and Ellie was standing there. She stared at her a moment before shuffling nervously on her feet,'I wanted to say bye and to…have a nice trip.'

Becca smiled softly and turned around to face her,'Is that it?'

She looked over the young woman's face and could tell there was more to it. She knew her better than anyone. Even when she had difficulty expressing herself.

She walked over to Ellie and placed her hands on her shoulders. She was almost as tall as her,'Ya know you can talk to me about anything.'

'I know.' She nodded, but didn't elaborate.

She knew how much the farm meant to her, but she and Joel had been talking. She didn't like to blindside Becca, but she also didn't want to overstep her toes with Joel.

Ellie looked up at her and sighed, shaking her head,'I just wanted to say that I'm really happy you and Joel got married again. Ya got to stick it to those old fogies.'

Becca looked over her face. She knew there was something else bothering her, but she wouldn't push her luck. She already started talking to them.

'Ya better get going.' She crossed her arms over her chest and huffed,'Ya know how the old man gets.'

She nodded and laughed,'Don't I know it.'

She wrapped her arm around Ellie's shoulders as they walked out of the room.

Joel was waiting patiently for her outside. He turned around and his eyes widened slightly. As much as he loved her all gussied up. He preferred her like this more than anything. Jeans, flannel and leather. Worn in boots from working on the farm. Her voice devoid of makeup. She was wild and fucking free. She was in her element.

God, he couldn't wait to be alone with her. For four whole days, he would have her to himself. He was always a greedy bastard when it came to her. He figured after everything they've endured together, they deserved to be a little selfish.

Becca was happy to see he changed out of his formal clothes as well. He was wearing jeans and a flannel, with his riding boots. A baseball cap covered his head. This was more like it. This is the man she fell in love with.

She was excited and anxious to be alone with him. They've never been unequivocally alone. They didn't have to worry about any outside influences. They could just relish in the intimate moments together.

They said their goodbyes to their friends. Becca fretted about Matty while Joel made sure they understood his instructions for the farm. They brushed off their fretting and shooed them off.

Joel got on the horse and Becca sat behind him. They only had about an hour ride. It made sense to only bring one horse. Besides, he liked the feeling of her body resting against his back.

He couldn't wait to get her alone. He wanted to see what other sounds he could get out of her. Last night was just a prelude. He was a lucky son of a bitch. She had him believing in God again.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

They were riding for about a half hour and they were halfway there. She gave up asking him for hints. He wasn't gonna break. She decided on resting her head against his back and enjoying the ride.

He smirked when he felt her hand inching around his waist. He hissed slightly when she grazed her fingers against his crotch,'Easy now. Wanna get us there in one piece.'

She smirked as she leaned up and kissed the back of his neck, hearing his sharp intake of breath,'I'm just loving on my new husband. You could take me anywhere.'

He bit back his snide remark. He had to admit, he loved this bold side of her. Ever since last night, she wasn't afraid to freely touch and kiss him. He wouldn't shy away from showing his affection either. She also seemed to have a wild streak. He couldn't wait to experience this side of her.

It would be just the two of them. Well, for the most part anyway. He planned something very special for them. It was something he didn't share with a lot of people.

He leaned back against her and turned his head, pressing his lips against hers. She smiled into his kiss as she playfully nipped at his tongue. He growled into her mouth, feeling his cock twitching.

It took everything in him not to stop their horse, lay her down and fuck her hard. There wasn't anyone around for miles. The sun was just about to set. There wasn't any threat of infected. It's why they lived so far out in the country and near bodies of water. The infected didn't come to the country. They tended to stick to larger cities. Fresh meat.

Becca looked up at the sky and squeezed his waist, whispering,'Stop the horse.'

'Why?' His eyes widened back at her,' Ya gotta leak?'

She rolled her eyes and sighed exasperatingly. Married only six hours and he was already getting on her nerves.

'No.' She raised her eyes upward,'This is a perfect place to watch the sunset.' She looked at him and gave him a small that made it impossible to say 'no' to anything,' I realized we've never really gotten the chance to do that in awhile.' She shrugged sheepishly,'We're always busy.'

He was stopping the horse before she even finished her sentence. Of course he would let her watch the sunset. He would take her to a volcano eruption if that's what she wanted.

He helped her off the horse as they walked to the top of the hill.

She took off her cowboy hat and stared up at the sky overlooking the mountains. Tears filled her eyes as she shook her head in disbelief,'I've traveled all along the US and I've never really gotten the chance to realize just how fucking beautiful it is.'

He nodded as he stared out at the mountains,'We're always busy letting the ugly shit get in the way.'

She looked over at him and smiled tearfully. He always understood. It's why she could talk to him about anything.

He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He rested his chin on top of her head as they watched the sunset. He looked down at her, seeing the contented look on her face. She was the happiest he's ever seen her.

He was pretty damned happy himself. He planned to take the next four days to fully immerse himself in her. She trusted him last night implicitly. It's only fair he does the same. No more games. Patty was right. It was fair game.

The sky turned an amber color as the sun began to set over the mountains. Her eyes were fixated on the changing colors of the sky. He unwound his arms from her to stand beside her. He's watched plenty of sunsets in his day, but he's never witnessed her enjoying one.

She could feel her eyes on him and smiled shyly, whispering,'You're missing it.'

He shook his head as he stared at her intently,'No I ain't. I ain't missing a thing.'

She blinked away tears as she turned to face him, 'How come you're being like this?'

'Like what?'

'So sweet.' She frowned as she looked downward,'Usually after a man marries me they become…mean.'

He held her face in his hands and lifted her head up to face him,'I know we had a rough go of it the first time around, but it ain't gonna be like that again.' He swallowed harshly,'When I lost ya, it scared me half the fuckin death. I realized I never wanted to make that mistake again.' He stroked her cheeks and rested his forehead against hers,'I can be sweet too, ya know. I ain't always mean like they expect me to be.'

'I know that.' Her eyes widened as she clutched at his face,'I wouldn't have married ya twice if I didn't.' She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned back to look up at him,'You don't have to prove it to me. I see it everyday. The way you treat me and our children. Who cares what they think?'

She sighed as she rubbed his chest soothingly. People forgot that he was human too. He felt things just the same. He just had a better way of hiding his feelings than most. He didn't hide anything with her anymore.

He brought her into his arms and held her to him tightly. She fit so perfect against them, the contours fitting against him just right. He would take her right here if she let him, but they had people expecting them and he didn't want to disappoint.

He kissed her forehead and stroked her cheeks,'Let's get back on the trail before it gets dark. I promise ya every sunset for the rest of our lives.'

She let him help her back onto the horse as she stared at him in awe. When he said things like that, it made it difficult for her to argue with him. She didn't care what anyone thought about their relationship. It wasn't theirs. She's a forty year old woman and can do what she wants. Joel Miller is exactly what she wanted.

They reached the entrance to another trail and he turned around and covered her eyes with a bandanna,' No peeking.'

She blindly touched the bandanna covering her eyes,'I can't see a damned thing. Should I be worried? Is this where ya finally lead me to my death?'

He leaned in close to her and kissed the side of her head, whispering,'Then ya mine as well lead me right on with ya.' He squeezed her hand,'Trust me, Rebecca. You're gonna love this.'

'I trust you completely.' She said without hesitation, meaning every single word of it.

Joel didn't know what to say to that. All he could do was nod silently and ride on. He knew she didn't give her trust away easily. He felt choked up and swallowed back the tears. He hasn't felt contentment like this in a long time. Not since Sarah died. Patty said this was him finally accepting Sarah's loss and letting himself become happy.

He never wanted this feeling to go away.

He smiled when he saw the lights emanating from the small fishing village. He felt his heart pounding hard in his chest. He was excited to share this part of his life with her. No one other than Ellie knew this place existed. Hell, he just recently told her. This was a very sacred place to him.

He stopped the horse on top of the hill and turned around to take her bandana off,'We're here.'

She blinked her eyes a few times to get adjusted to the light. She looked down at her eyes widened when she saw a small village down below.

Her brows furrowed in confusion and she looked up at him, shaking her head,'What is this place?'

'Colter Bay Village.' He grinned,'Some of the best fishing spots you'll ever see. The bluest lakes in the world.' He met her gaze,'The most gorgeous sunsets.' He sighed,'I stumbled across this place years ago. I was…struggling with being sober and…this place was somewhere I could go where no one would judge me. I could…be around my people and not have to worry about death, responsibilities and…disease.' He shook his head,'About two hundred immigrants live here. Mostly from Mexico and other Latin countries. They came together when they didn't have anywhere else to go. They're mostly fishermen and…farmers.' He snorted,'They taught me a lot I know about farming.'

She nodded as she looked down at the village,'How come ya never told me about this place?'

He shook his head and sighed,'Maybe it's because it was a place just for…me. Whenever the urge to use got strong. I could come here, fish and help out on their farms and get my shit together. I could come back to Jackson…okay. I know everyone wanted to help me, but sometimes a man gotta figure things out for himself.'

She often wondered where he went off to on his travels. She figured he was out hunting for game or supplies. She never asked him where he went off to. A man is entitled to his business. Just as he respected her own.

She ran her hand through his hair and nodded down to the town,'Ya gonna introduce me to anybody?'

'Baby.' He smirked,'I thought ya'd never ask.'

He directed the horse down the trail and they went into the entrance of the town. Chaos walked down the trail almost like he knew it. He probably walked down this trail many times before.

She looked around in awe. There were small well maintained huts and cabins. They even had their own little general store. She noticed most of the villagers were of Latino descent. She could see why Joel felt at home here. She felt oddly at ease here as well. She wanted their son to learn about his culture. It shouldn't die if people are still around to teach it.

She loved learning about his culture. It was so interesting to her. He was so passionate whenever he taught her about something new. The excitement in his tone and the animation in his movements. He was fun to be around.

Joel stopped the horse in front of a two story cabin. He climbed off the horse first and helped her climb down. He posted it up as he took her hand,'I want ya to meet a good friend of mine.'

Her eyes widened in surprise as he led her up to the cabin. He was full of surprises.

He knocked gently on the door a couple times and waited until it opened. A handsome man opened up the door. He looked to be around Joel's age. Maybe even a little younger. He had tanned skin and dark black hair with dark eyes. He favored Joel's features and she wondered if they were from the same country.

He was tall and muscular, but had a warm presence. He had a wide smile on his face as he embraced Joel immediately,'My brother. It's good to see ya.' He clapped him on the back,'It's been too long, ya bastard.'

Becca could hear the teasing in his tone. She could also hear the slight accent in his tone as well. He whispered something to Joel in Spanish and she wished she caught on quicker in her studies. Almost nine years later and she still only understands the basics.

Joel embraced him back and she could see there was a lot of love between them. He's never mentioned him to her before. In all the years she's known him, but she wasn't angry. This was something he was sharing with her. He didn't have to.

The man looked over at Becca and grinned,'You must be the woman who's been putting up with this miserable son of a bitch.'

She nodded and laughed softly,'The one and only.' She held her hand out,'Rebecca Miller. How do you do?'

He looked at Joel and laughed. He surprised her by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a hug,'You're family. Joel is my brother. You're my sister.'

Joel scratched the back of his neck and gave her a small smile,'Becca this is Manuel. I…met him about seven years ago while on a hunting trip. We just so happened to be in the same spot. He…got me through some tough times.'

She held onto him tightly as tears filled her eyes,'Manuel, it's nice to meet you. It's an honor to meet you.'

Manuel smirked and leaned back to look her over,'He's right. You're absolutely beautiful.' For a gringo.'

Joel's eyes widened and he held his hand up,'He's kidding.'

Becca met Manuel's gaze and bit back a smirk,'Is he though?'

She couldn't hold back the scathing remark though. Her mama said her mouth always got her in trouble.

Manuel and Joel exchanged a look.

Manuel started laughing as he stepped back from Becca,'My man was right about you. You're a feisty redhead.' He waggled his index finger in front of her face,'We'll whip ya into shape in no time.'

She looked over at Joel as he ducked his head sheepishly. She pursed her lips, wondering what else he told Manuel. She would let it slide for now. She never saw this side of him. He was just messing around with his buddy. It was like catching a glimpse of what he was like before the outbreak.

A short brunette walked out of the house and looked annoyed,' Manuel, leave the poor woman alone.' She sighed as she walked over to them,'They just got married. They don't need you breaking their balls.'

The woman had a thick Spanish accent. She looked younger than Manuel.

Becca liked this woman immediately. She was a spunky five foot four woman with an athletic build. You needed to be fit nowadays. You wouldn't survive otherwise.

She had long brown hair past her shoulders and wore a tank top and jean shorts with flip flops. She seemed so…relaxed. It was a far cry from how everyone looked in Jackson. They were always on edge ready for battle. That seemed happy and at ease here.

The woman hugged Joel and bounced excitedly,'Congratulations, again. I was mad I couldn't come to your wedding, but ya know we like to keep a low profile around here.'

Joel nodded silently. Not many people knew this village existed. The only reason why Joel knew about it is because Manuel trusted him. He never betrayed his trust. They didn't like a lot of outsiders. They brought trouble. It took a lot of convincing to invite Becca and Ellie here. That weren't apart of their culture. They didn't understand their way of life, but they were willing to learn.

The woman turned to Becca and hugged her tightly,'My name is Rosa. I'm Manuel's wife.'

She had an accent as well that seemed to match her husband's. She was beautiful up close. She took a liking to her right away. She didn't know what it was, but she felt like she clicked with her immediately.

'It's very nice to meet you. Thank you so much for inviting me.'

'It was my pleasure.' Rosa squeezed her gently,'You both probably wanna change and relax. Come on, I'll show ya to your cabin.'

Becca's eyes widened in surprise. She thought they would be staying with them. She didn't expect for them to have their own cabin. Their own space.

Joel placed his hand on her lower back as he carried their luggage. They walked up to the cabin and Becca looked up at it. It was a small and modest cabin, but it had a small porch big enough for a bench with throw pillows. There was a fire pit on the side of the house and a charcoal grill.

The lake behind the house looked blue enough to swim in it. She couldn't wait to walk the trails of the mountains beyond and see what kind of new flowers she discovers.

She saw a water well off to the side as well. They would have everything they would need. Especially each other.

Rosa walked onto the porch with them and unlocked the door, handing Joel the keys,'This is yours. For however long ya want it.'

Becca shook her head in disbelief and turned to Rosa,'Thank you so much. This is…amazing. Thank you.'

Rosa smiled softly as she took Becca's hand,'Anyone who loves our el hermano and makes him happy as much as you do is always welcome here.' She squeezed her hand,'Enjoy yourself. We'll celebrate tomorrow.' She looked over at Joel and smiled knowingly,'We have a special celebration planned.'

Joel saw the twinkle in her eyes and muttered a curse word under his breath. He knew what their celebrations entailed. He just hoped Becca could keep up.

Manuel hugged Becca and kissed her cheek,'It's very nice to finally meet you.' He turned to Joel and hugged him as well, whispering something Spanish to him.

Joel nodded as he whispered something back.

Manuel took Rosa's hand as they stepped off the porch, leaving the two 'newlyweds' alone.

Becca watched them walk away and smiled softly,'I like them. Rosa is really nice and Manuel is cool.'

'He's a pain in the ass sometimes.' He snorted,'He's arrogant as fuck.'

She was about to walk in the cabin when he placed a gentle hand on her stomach,'Wait right here.'

She laughed as she watched him hurriedly bring their luggage into the cabin. She waited patiently at the threshold. Once he was finished, he walked over to her and hooked his arms underneath her legs.

She squealed as he lifted her up in his arms and carried her over the threshold. He kicked the door closed behind them. There wasn't anyone around for miles. The cabins were empty alongside of them.

Before the outbreak, this used to be a resort town that was bustling in the summer. They had it pretty much to themselves now. He wanted to fuck her on every surface of the cabin. He wanted to take her outside in the sunlight and under the moonlight. He wanted to eat her out under the stars.

He set her down on the ground as he walked over to the door and locked it securely behind them. It was a habit he didn't intend on breaking anytime soon.

She looked around at the cabin. It was small, but big enough for a Queen sized bed, a bureau, bathroom and fireplace. It looked to be a couples suite. There were a few candles lit and fresh sheets and blankets. The fireplace was already lit, enveloping the room in an amber glow. The warmth in the room sent an ambiance.

She wondered if this was Rosa or Joel's doing. It could've been either one. She wasn't nervous like she thought she would be. She was shaking with anticipation. She trusted and was safe with him. He never hurt her. He always made her feel so good.

Even now, she was already wet for him. He slowly walked over to her and licked his lips. His glasses sliding down his nose made him look almost boyish. If it weren't for the smoldering look in his eyes that looked like he wanted to eat her alive. There was nothing boyish about that. She loved his gray hair. It showed his maturity. She was through with the little boys who didn't know what they wanted. She finally had a real man.

He smirked when he saw she already had her flannel unbuttoned, revealing her t shirt underneath. The deep v neck of the shirt let him see her ample cleavage. He couldn't wait to bury his face in her tits as he buried himself deep inside her cunt.

His dick was already throbbing just thinking about it. She felt so good last night. He couldn't fall asleep after she left. She had him so turned on he had to rub one out again before he could sleep. Even then, he was still tossing and turning.

He quickly unbuttoned his flannel and tore it off his body. He lifted his t shirt over his head and threw it on the floor. Her eyes watched his movements as she did the same.

She could hear her heart pounding in her ears as he held her face in her hands. She looked over his face, whispering raggedly,'Ya wanna get washed up first?'

He couldn't help it, but he had to laugh. They were in the middle of having sex and that's what she's worried about? He rested his forehead against hers and flicked his tongue against her lips,'Baby, all I'm thinking about is putting my mouth on that pussy.'

She felt herself shaking with desire as he got down on his knees before her. She quickly tore her flannel and t shirt off, leaving her only in a black bra. She didn't have any time to wear anything sexy. She figured they would get showered first, but he seemed to eager. She couldn't lie. This is all she's been thinking about since coming in here. It rare they get uninterrupted time alone. For four whole days.

He sucked and bit along the flesh on her stomach. He dipped his tongue into her navel, making her gasp as she tangled her hands in his hair. She threw her head back and moaned softly as he unbuttoned her jeans with his teeth. She looked down at him, eyes bleary with lust as his eyes met hers.

Her mouth gaped open in shock when he unzipped her jeans with his teeth. She didn't think a man was capable of making her feel like this. She always thought passion was a myth. Growing up, she was taught that females aren't deserving of pleasure. Carnal desires are only meant to pleasure your headship. Female orgasms don't exist.

It wasn't until she met Joel did she realize she's been lied to her entire life. He showed her what female desire felt like. He gave her some of the best orgasms of her life. She actually enjoyed sex with him. She looked toward to it and anticipated it. She's never had that with any other man before.

Her body was writhing as he gently pressed her back against the wall. She spread her legs opened as he kneeled in between them. She hurriedly kicked off her bottom as he hooked his hands in the waistband of her jeans and pulled them down her long legs.

She stared down at him and was surprised to see him shirtless. She wondered when she missed him taking it off. It was her favorite part.

She stepped out of her jeans and his eyes widened when he saw she wasn't wearing any panties. He looked up at her and smirked, his eyes dark with lust. He leaned forward slightly and breathed in the scent of her pussy, but he didn't touch. He just let himself hover.

She groaned impatiently, but he laughed softly and gripped her thighs. He placed her legs over his broad shoulders, opening her up for him. He spread her pussy lips apart, his thumbs teasingly caressing her inner thighs. He licked his lips as he looked over her pussy. He could see it visibly throbbing. It was soaked. He couldn't wait to bury his face in it, lick and taste very drop of her.

'Baby.' She whispered as she rose her hips up,'Please.'

His eyes looked over her body,'You teased me last night.' He gently squeezed her inner thighs,'It doesn't feel good. Does it? To be teased. It's not…nice.'

She gasped for breath at the tone in his voice. It was low and almost…dangerous, but she didn't find it threatening. Quite the opposite in fact. She found it alluring and sexy. He wasn't holding back from her anymore. For years, she's asked him to give his all. She said she wasn't afraid of him. He held himself back. He didn't want to scare her away.

When she introduced him to Scarlet the night before, he understood the significance of that. She was letting him into her old life. She was giving him a tangible piece of her past. He would cherish the trust she had in him. It's only fair he does the same.

It's why he brought her here. Patty said he needed to stop being afraid. Becca was here to stay.

She nodded as she swallowed harshly, 'What are ya gonna do about it?'

'Hmm…' He leaned in closer to her, his nose nuzzling against her pussy, making her body jerk,'Gotta be honest. It's hard to think with your beautiful body in front of me.' He raised his eyes up to her chest,'Take your bra off. Let me see those beautiful tits.'

Her skin flushed at his words. She blindly reached behind her and unhooked her bra. She slid it down her arms and threw it on the floor. She felt his hot breath against her cunt as his eyes fell on her bare tits.

He had to rub his throbbing cock over his jeans as he breathed in the scent of her pussy,'What ya want baby?' Your pussy's so wet. It'll let me do anything I want.'

She saw him tracing the outline of his cock over his denim. His breath was rough and ragged against her bare throbbing pussy. He was right. She would let him do anything he wanted. Just as he would let her do anything she wanted to him.

She understood the importance of these next four days. No more games. No more facades. No more bullshit.

She gently tugged on his hair, making him groan as his free hand slid up her body. He started groping her tits, alternating back and forth between each one. He tugged on her nipples, making her gasp as she writhed back against the wall. He's never touched her like this before. There wasn't any hesitancy. He touched her with certainty and so much passion and heat. It felt as if she were burning alive.

He looked at her with scorching lust, like he wanted to devour her. This was the passion she craved and yearned about growing up. Love and romance weren't perfect, but here in this room with him; it was pretty close to it.

'Taste my pussy.' She whispered desperately. She pressed her wet pussy against his face and teasingly rubbed it along his beard, getting it wet.

He let out a choked sob as she spread her pussy juices all over his face. His eyelids fluttered in pleasure. It was the most erotic thing anyone's ever done to him. He didn't find it disgusting. Nothing about this woman disgusted him.

She trusted him. She gave her body fully to him. Just as he did the same.

He licked her juices off his lips as he wiped his beard with the back of his hand. He leaned up and pressed his hand against her mouth,'Taste how good ya are, baby.'

Her cheeks burned red as he slid his fingers inside her mouth. She closed her eyes almost shyly as she licked her juices off his fingers. She's never tasted herself before. She tasted musky and tangy. She wondered if he felt okay with eating her out after a long day. Ben and David always said she needed to be clean. They said men liked clean women. She never felt clean with them.

This felt good with him. Right.

He saw the uncertainty on her face and frowned. He stood up and held her face in his hands, boring his eyes into hers,'Look at me, baby. It's me and you. I wanted ya to know just how good ya taste.' He nuzzled his nose against hers, breathing her in,'I think about your taste all the time, baby. Sometimes I have to jerk off it's gets so bad. I'm so in love with your body.'

He cupped her chin gently but firmly in his hands. He turned her head to face him. He made sure she was looking right at him,'You weren't shy last night.' He smirked as her eyes widened slightly,'That's right.' He nodded,'When you were dancing and grinding in my lap.' He shook his head and clicked his tongue,'Nothin shy about ya then.'

His words exhilarated her. Maybe because it's the truth. If she could be so confident and brazen as Scarlet. It made no difference if she was Rebecca with him. It didn't change. No matter what.

She held the back of his neck and kissed his lips, whispering,'I wanna taste myself again.'

His eyes widened and he nodded. He gently grasped her hand this time and slid it down in between her legs. He took her fingers and slid them in between her legs, making him whimper. He glided her fingers in between her folds, coating them in her juices.

He brought them to her lips and watched, eyes half lidded with lust as she sucked on her fingers greedily. She closed her eyes and moaned around her fingers. He couldn't help himself. He leaned forward and kissed her hungrily. He sucked greedily on her tongue, sucking the taste of her. He moaned into her mouth. His eyes rolling in pleasure at her taste.

She brought her fingers up to his mouth and sucked on them. He alternated between kissing her lips and sucking on her fingers. He was so turned on, he was dry humping her against the wall.

His eyes bore into hers as he gave her a filthy smirk that almost made her fall down to her knees. He slid back down her body and onto his knees again. He gripped her thighs and slowly spread her legs apart.

He hiked her legs back over his shoulders and gently pried her legs even further apart. He kept her spread wide opened as he placed his entire mouth over her cunt. She cried out as he delved his tongue deep inside her. She slumped back against the wall and he slid his hands underneath her ass to keep her stable and steady. Her legs were draped securely over his shoulders.

He was completely caged in by her. Her taste was in his mouth and completely surrounding him. He was in fucking heaven. By the time they left here, he wanted to know what made her tick and the things that she desired and craved. He knew she had fantasies. For he had his own as well.

He started munching on her pussy. His tongue was deeply embedded inside her cunt. He curled it inside her, hearing her cry out his name. Her thighs clutched around his head and it was almost impossible to breathe, but he wouldn't gladly be smothered by her.

He looked up at her, seeing her head pressed back against the wall. Her bangs were sticking to her sweat slicked forehead. Her chest was heaving. He watched the rise and fall of her tits. His cock was so hard it hurt.

He blindly unzipped and unbuttoned his jeans to get relief, but didn't dare touch himself. Not yet. He wanted to prolong this as much as possible. He wanted to see how far he could take them both before they reached the brink.

He wanted to make her feel a fraction of what he did. He wanted her to feel how he much he loved her. Wanted her so bad his chest physically ached. He once asked Patty during a therapy session if what he felt for her was wrong and if it was an obsession. She just laughed it off and said there's a little obsession in every love. He didn't have anything to feel guilty about it. He could do either one of two things.

Take it or leave it. He would he damned if he left it. He did that and it almost killed him.

He spread her ass cheeks apart and slid his tongue down to her ass. She gasped as his tongue flicked over her puckered asshole. He's never done that before. She wasn't a stranger to it. When you're drugged up they do whatever they wanted to you.

He was gentle as he slowly slid his tongue in between her ass cheeks. She took a deep breath and relaxed herself. She let herself get over the shame of the act and focus on the man making her feel good. So good.

She felt him moan as his tongue licked around all inside her. She moaned lowly as she let herself succumb to the sensation of his hot wet tongue on the most sensitive parts of her body. She didn't feel shame. She felt so much pleasure it brought her to tears.

His eyes were focused on her face as he slid his tongue down to her pussy. He sucked and slurped on it, purposely avoiding her clit. She pressed her cunt up against his face and he was turned on by her boldness.

He kept a firm grip on her ass cheeks as he pressed his nose against her clit. She was soaked. His beard was covered in her juices. He could feel precum leaking against his stomach. He sucked and slurped on her, slobbering into her cunt as he moaned against her folds. He pressed his nose in between her folds, breathing in the scent of her as his tongue curled inside her.

She pulled hard on his hair and he growled, gripping tightly onto her ass. He gently bit into her labia, causing her to gasp and laugh slightly out of surprise. He looked up at her and gave her a smirk that almost made her knees buckle.

He smiled into her pussy. She liked to play rough sometimes. Thank fucking God. He was wondering if it was her bag. He never wanted to broach the subject. Considering her past, he though it was a sensitive topic, but she seemed to be turned on by it. He didn't like it all the time, but in the moment? He felt so turned on by her he wanted to consume her. In any way she would let him.

It was funny, he never really enjoyed going down on a woman for long periods of time. Esther and Tess always loved it and while he did it out of obligation; he never really enjoyed it. He could go down on this woman for hours and never get bored of it.

She chewed on her bottom lip pensively as she looked down at him,'Joel?'

He didn't respond at first as he continued so lick into her pussy. His eyes were closed and he seemed focused on the task at hand. She grinned. He was enjoying himself.

She tugged on his hair and pulled his mouth away from her with a wet 'pop'. His eyes weee blown black with lust and his hair was wild and disarrayed from her hands as he stared dazedly up at her.

His mouth and beard were glistening with yer juices,'What?' He pulled himself up from the ground and frowned, looking over her face,'You okay?'

She had to laugh at that. She was almost on the verge of an orgasm and he had the nerve to ask her that. Men were strange creatures sometimes.

She held his face in her hands and shook her head,'You silly fuckin man. Of course I'm okay.' She tugged on the waistband of his jeans,'I don't think you are though.'

'Baby.' He placed his hand on her wrist,'I want to-'

'I know what you want.' She looked at him from under her lashes, her voice sultry,'I know what I want too.'

He licked his lips as he looked over her face,'Do ya now?'

On the outside, he remained cool and calm, but on the inside he was raging. His heart pounded hard in his chest. He wondered if he was going to have another heart attack. It thumped loudly in his ears as she tugged his jeans and boxers down his legs.

He bit his bottom lip as she crouched down as he kicked out of them. His cock sprung up against his chest. She trailed the salt and pepper hair down to his cock. She teasingly flicked her tongue against the tip, tasting his precum.

His body jerked at that. He leaned back against the bureau and braced his hands against it. She almost had him keeling over. She was such a sexy bitch and she didn't even know it. That was a damned shame. He planned to make her realize that before their trip is through.

She looked up at him, watching as he ran his hands through his hair. She watched the way the muscles in his biceps flexed, the contraction of his abdominal muscles and his lean and strong thighs. It was from years working hard on a farm.

His rough and calloused workers hands ran through her hair, gently tugging on her hair. He gently tugged on her head to look up at him,'Ya gonna touch it or just look at it?'

He saw the blush in her cheeks as she shook her head, laughing softly,'Oh, I plan to touch it.' She leaned forward and blew hot breath on his sensitive cock, making him hiss,'I plan to suck on it as you eat me out.'

She smirked as she heard him mutter a 'Jesus 'Christ' under his breath. She gently nipped at his hipbone, whispering,'I don't think Jesus wants to be in the room with us tonight, husband.'

Joel's eyes widened and his mouth gaped open in shock. He didn't have a response for that. Last night had been just a glimpse of all she had to offer. He was the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet.

He stood there still and silent as he waited with bated breath for what she was about to do. She tucked her hair behind her ears as she leaned forward. She slowly wrapped her mouth around the tip of his cock. His head lolled back and his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

He cupped the back of her head as he resisted the urge to lurch his hips forward and bring his dick deeper inside her mouth. He would do this at her pace. They had all night. Manuel and Rosa made sure they wouldn't be interrupted.

She licked the entire length of his cock as she looked up at his face. He was biting his bottom lip and his eyes were half lidded with lust, his brow burrowed deep in concentration. His curly hair was curtaining his eyes. How did he not realize what he did to her? How she ached for him? Even when he didn't know it. Then again, she didn't do a good job of showing it over the years.

She planned to end that tonight.

Joel ran a hand through his hair as he sighed shakily,'Ya ever sixty nine before?'

She stared at him pensively for a moment. She was bare naked on her knees for him and it didn't sit right with him. He gently grasped her arm and lifted her to stand up.

He ran his hands up and down her arms as he patiently waited for her to answer his question. He had all the time in the world.

'I know what it is.' She nodded as she placed her hands on his chest,'I've never done it before though. Have you?'

He thought about how he should answer that. He never felt comfortable answering those questions before. He didn't think his sexual past should matter in his current relationship. While Patty said it didn't, it was healthy for him to be honest with her. Just as she was honest with him.

'Yeah.' He nodded as he trailed the length of her jaw,'I've thought about doing it with ya so many times.' He closed his eyes and laughed softly, whispering,'I've thought about more than I'd like to admit.'

Her eyes widened curiously as she took a step closer to him. She placed her hands on his hips as he ran his hands up and down her sides,'Have you jerked off thinking about it?'

'God yes.' He whispered admittedly. There wasn't any use denying it. He buried his hands in her hair as he pressed his forehead against hers,'Before I could tell ya how I feel,' he sighed shakily against her lips,'Ya don't know how many times I jerked off thinking about it. How bad I needed ya. Want ya. Still do.'

'I do too.' She groaned as he cupped her ass and pulled her against him,'I used to think about it too.' Her mouth moved against his as they breathed each other in,'I used to touch myself thinking about you. I used to come so hard.'

Joel was shaking as he held her against him. He closed his eyes a moment, taking a few deep breaths. His need for her scared him. He was afraid to hurt her. It's why he held himself back. His past lovers said he could be too intense at times.

He needed to remind himself it wouldn't be like that with her. She knew every facet of him yet wasn't afraid of him. She married him twice.

She leaned up and cupped the back of his neck, kissing him tenderly,'Please.' She whispered against his lips,'I'm not afraid. I've never been afraid of you. Even when I should've been.'

His hands clenched into tight fists behind her back as his lips moved against hers,'Are ya sure, baby? I…I don't wanna hurt ya.'

She ducked her head to meet his gaze,'You could never hurt me. I trust you. Do you understand what that means?'

He nodded silently. Of course he fucking did. He understood that better than anybody. He wasn't going to ask her anymore. No more asking.

He hooked his arms underneath her legs and hoisted her legs around his waist to straddle him. He carried them over to the bed, gently plopping her down on the middle of it. She rested back against her elbows as she carefully watched him.

He stood at the edge of the bed as he slowly licked his lips with a predatory look in his eyes,'Be careful what ya ask for.'

'I'm not afraid of you.' She said it without hesitance, her gaze never wavering from his,'I know you'll never hurt me.'

Her words choked him up and he swallowed the lump in his throat,'Ya sure about that?'

'Oh yeah.' She nodded and smiled softly,'Ya ain't getting rid of me. Ain't no matter what ya say.' She spread her legs as she splayed herself out on the bed,'And here I thought Joel Miller was a man of action.' She grinned up at him,'It seems all we're doing is talking.'

He narrowed his eyes as he sat up on the edge of the bed on his knees. Even in this position, he was so much taller than her, but he didn't tower or leer over her. He didn't use his size against her like other men did.

He noticed she was laughing and frowned,'What's so funny?'

'Nothing.' She looked up at him, seeing the uncertainty on his face. She ran her toes down the length of his bare chest, whispering,'I'm just happy, Joel. I'm allowed to be happy, right?'

He smiled tearfully and nodded,'Yeah…you're allowed to be happy, darlin.' He grabbed her foot and kissed along the inside of her leg, his beard fleshing goosebumps out upon her skin,'I'm happy too, baby doll. I ain't felt this happy in…' He had to think about it for a moment and laughed, shaking his head,'I don't think I ever been this happy.'

'What changed?'

'I stopped caring what everyone else thought.' He shrugged,'And I started focusing on the things I have in my life. I shouldn't take it for granted.' He ran the back of his hand down her calf and nuzzled her nose against the back of her knee, breathing in the scent of her skin,'Patty taught me that I can't save the world. I ain't meant to.' He stared down at her, seeing the look of adoration on her face,'All I know is no one ain't ever looked at me the way you do. It makes me feel like I can take on the world.'

She sighed as she saw the tears in his eyes, but she knew he wasn't sad. She sat up and ran her hands through his hair, nuzzling her nose against his,'I feel the same way with you. Everyday you make me feel that way.' She smiled when he placed his hands on her waist,'Nothing we do together can ever be wrong.'

He grinned as he spanked her ass, causing her to gasp,'Turn around, baby.'

Her eyes widened and she nodded. She turned around with her back facing him on the bed. He placed his hand on her lower back, silently telling her to bend forward on all fours.

Her heart was pounding with anticipation. She didn't know what he had in mind, but she trusted him with her life. He was the first man she's ever trusted.

Her eyes widened in surprise when she felt his tongue slide across her slit from behind. He slid his body underneath her and she knew exactly what he was going to do. He grabbed her ass and pulled her pussy down onto his mouth. She cried out as his tongue slide across her deeply into her cunt. His rough beard scratched against the most sensitive parts of her. His nose was pressed up against her clit.

He rose his hips up and she grasped his cock with both her hands. She knew exactly what he wanted without even asking him. She wrapped her mouth around the tip of his cock and slid it down on him. She felt his cock hit the back of her throat and she relaxed her throat muscles to take him in even deeper. She felt him moan into her cunt, sending delicious reverberations throughout her entire body.

She jerked and pumped his cock as his tongue slid in and out of her tight pussy. She grinded her cunt against his face, moaning around his cock as his nose pressed up against her clit. Her thighs were grasping the sides of his head tightly and she was faintly aware of the fact she may be hurting him, but he didn't seem to care.

He was slobbering into her pussy. Her juices were covering his face, her thighs clutching his face so tightly he couldn't breathe, but he couldn't think of a better way to go. His hands kept her ass cheeks spread apart as he licked all around inside her.

He smirked into her cunt when he felt her moaning around his cock. Her hips jerked and he could feel her pussy fluttering around his tongue. She was close.

She tore her mouth from his cock as she ground her pussy against his mouth unashamedly. He fucking loved the way she was going wild for him. There were guttural moans coming from her throat, sounds he's never heard come out of her before. She was saying his name in a pleading and begging tone. He didn't even know what she was begging for.

He silently rose his hips up, bringing his cock against her mouth. Just because she was coming didn't mean she stopped sucking his cock. His woman wasn't dumb. She slid her mouth back down around his cock, sucking and slurping on it. He rose his hips up, bringing his cock deeper inside her mouth. He heard the choking and retching sounds as his long thick cock slid to the back of her throat.

His eyes widened when she sucked him down further. She was the first woman who could ever take all of him. His entire body was covered in a sheen of sweat. She gave as good as she got.

Her entire body shook as she came. Her juices spurted out of her pussy, wetting his face and her inner thighs. He greedily lapped at her juices as he sucked on her clit. She screamed his name, the sounds bouncing off the walls. She screamed so loud he wondered if they could hear her in Jackson. He couldn't help but feel a sense of pride, knowing he made this beautiful woman scream his name like that.

She tried to pull away from him. His cock was still halfway in her mouth as she weakly gripped his cock. The force of her orgasm had her entire body shaking. Tears were leaking out of the corner of her eyes. She's never experienced pleasure like this before.

He couldn't take his eyes off her as he watched her cum. His tongue rolled around inside her, licking all around her walls. He wanted to lick every last drop from her. He's never had a woman squirt for him before. He's seen it in porns and heard others guys talk about it, but he thought he just couldn't make it happen. He had to admit, it made him feel fucking good.

He wondered if he could make her do that again.

He leaned back and slid his cock out of her mouth. He was close to coming himself, but didn't want to do that yet. He loved finishing the night coming inside her pussy.

She rested her head on his thigh as he finally took his mouth off her. He gave her a final lick along her slit, his eyelids fluttering at her taste. He could eat on her pussy all day.

She looked back at him as her cheeks reddened,'I'm sorry.'

'For what?' He frowned.

She motioned down to her lower half and smiled sheepishly,'Doing…that. I've never done that before.'

'Come?'

'No.' She laughed softly,'Squirt like that.'

He sat up and wiped his mouth along the inside of his arms,'You're apologizing for that?' His eyes widened and he couldn't help but laugh,'Baby doll, I ain't made no woman do that for me before.' He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap,'Do ya know how hot it got me?' He closed his eyes and sighed as he nuzzled into her hair,'It's why I had to make ya stop. I almost blew.'

'Why did ya stop?' She looked up at him as he stroked her cheek,'I like it when I make ya cum too.'

He groaned softly at her words as she turned around in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck,'I love it too, but I…love finishing by cumming in your pussy.' He smirked as her eyes widened at his words,'It's like the icing on the cake.'

He didn't want to admit to her that a lot of it had to do with his age as well. Maybe when he was in his twenties and even thirties, he could've had better stamina and been able to go a few times a night. Sometimes he can, but his body was catching up to him.

He gasped as he felt her small hands wrapped around his cock. He tried to lean away, but she kept her hands firmly gripped around his cock,'I'm your wife. I can touch it if I want.'

'You touching it is the problem.' He averted his eyes downward, whispering admittedly,'I ain't as young as I used to be.'

'None of us are.' She shrugged,'I'm forty and have scars and stretch marks. You have gray hair. So fucking what? I knew how old you were going in.' She sighed and held his face in her hands,'The way ya just made me cum and you're worried about your age? Shut. Up.'

He laughed as he held the back of her head,'You got a smart ass mouth.'

She wrapped her legs around his lean waist and shook her head,'Baby, ya got no idea.'

He gripped her thighs as he looked over her face,'You're a damned sexy bitch. Ain't no one sexier.'

She tilted her head thoughtfully and pursed her lips,'Hmm, I don't know. I think I'm lookin at him.'

He groaned and rolled his eyes as she ran her hands through his hair,'Almost ten years together and that's the best ya can come up with?'

Her eyes widened at that. Sometimes she forgot just how long they've known each other. Has she truly loved him that long? They've experienced so much together. Yet, here they are still in love with each other. Still together.

She kissed all over his face as he ran his hands up and down her thighs,'How long ya been coming to this place?'

'For a while.' He sighed as she kissed his cheeks,'When I was trying to get sober, I looked for any place I could to escape.' He snorted,'I ended up drunk off my ass one night and almost drowned. Rosa found me and got Manuel. I stayed with them until I got my shit together.'

Becca remembered him disappearing for days at a time. During the time they weren't on speaking terms, Ellie said he was gone for almost two weeks. He came back like nothing happened and didn't say a word about where he went. She understood now.

She stroked his cheek and kissed his lips softly,'I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't talk to me about it.'

'I couldn't talk to anyone about it.' He leaned forward and nuzzled his nose against hers,'I think it's because I didn't want to face it myself. It was easier here. No one knew me or my past. They didn't expect me to fail.'

'Like I did.' She saw him flinch and she ran her hand through his hair,'Honey, it's okay. I didn't exactly make it easy for you either. I always expected the worse outta ya.'

'Everyone did.' He nodded,'Even myself. I realized that I didn't want to end up alone. I don't wanna die alone. When Tommy died, it made me realize my selfishness could make me lose you.' He bit his bottom lip and stared into her eyes,'I don't care how weak it makes me look or…selfish. I never wanna be without ya again.' He sighed,'I don't mean not having your own life and doing what ya want. I wanna share everything with ya. I don't care what it is. Am I making sense?'

She nodded and smiled tearfully,'You're making perfect sense.'

She held his face in her hands and kept her gaze locked on his. She could feel his still rock hard erection pressed against her ass. He placed his shaking hands on her waist as he closed his eyes, sighing deeply.

So many people underestimated his strength for being cold and unfeeling. They thought he was incapable of emotions, but they could never be more wrong. He was as human as everyone else is.

She rubbed her wet cunt along the tip of his cock, hearing his sharp intake of breath,'Is this what you want?'

He gripped her hips tightly, his fingers flexing against her skin as he nodded,'Please.'

He was shocked by the begging tone in his voice. He's never pleaded to anyone. If she were to tell anyone, they wouldn't believe her anyway.

He gently pulled on her hips, whispering,'Hop on my cock, baby. Wanna feel ya ride it.' He gently spanked her ass,'Make your husband feel good.'

She felt her pussy throbbing at his words. She chewed on her bottom lip as she positioned herself at his cock. She gripped his cock to steady it as she slid the tip in between her folds. She never took her eyes off his as she began inching herself down on his cock.

He slid her down onto his cock fully as he rose his hips up, bringing him impossibly deep inside her. Her eyes widened and she laughed slightly. His eyes were almost closed as he smirked and spanked her ass.

She cupped the back of his neck and pulled his head closer to her,'Couldn't wait, huh?'

He licked his lips as he stroked her hair,'To be buried in your pussy? Never.'

He never took his eyes off hers as he turned them around to where she was on her back. He never disconnected himself from her body. Her eyes widened as he scooted her body to the edge of the bed. The upper half of her body was hanging off the bed as he roughly gripped her thighs and pulled hips closer to his.

She moaned as she felt his cock hit her G spot. He wouldn't ask her if it's what she wanted or if she was okay. There wouldn't be anymore being afraid of each other.

He was sitting up on his knees as her legs were wrapped around his waist. He watched the way her tits bounced as he pounded into her. Her head was hanging off the bed and he gripped her hips, moving her body against his the way he wanted to.

He fucked her hard and fast. He relished in her moans and cries. She wasn't holding back and he could hear the hoarseness in her voice as she begged for more. He smirked as he ran his hands over her chest. He gripped her tits, tugging and twisting on her nipples. He felt her cunt pulsate around his cock at that. She seemed to like when he played with her tits during sex.

Her mind was clouded with lust. His thick cock stretched her out. She could feel the muscles of her inner thighs burning from the force of his thrusts. She was going to be sore tomorrow, but it felt so good she didn't want him to stop. His rough and calloused palms groped her tits.

Her eyes widened and she gasped as he slapped her tits, whispering,'You're a fucking sexy bitch.'

Her mouth gaped open in shock at his words. He's never talked to her like that in bed before. His tone was rough and almost breathless. He leaned over her and pressed his cheek against her abdomen as he pounded into her. The bed creaked loudly under their movements.

He cupped her chin his hands and forced him to look at her. He ground his hips against hers, his balls slapping hard against hers,'You fuckin like that, don't you?' He moaned as she gasped,'Yeah ya fuckin do.'

She whimpered in response. Her heels dug hard into his ass, silently begging for him to go harder. He grunted as he sped his pace up. He was hard pressed for air and sweating. Sweat from his hair dripped onto her skin.

He leaned forward and bit the cartilage of her ear, whispering,'Tell me ya like it.'

'I love it.' She managed to gasp out as he slid his hands underneath her ass cheeks to scoot her closer to him.

He relished in her words. She was so wet he could barely feel her anymore. She was so tight it was difficult to move.

She tangled her hand in his sweaty hair as he chased his own release. He was snarling and moaning against her skin. He pressed open mouthed kisses along her abdomen, his tongue flicking out to taste her skin.

She knew he was about to come by the jerking of his hips. He placed his hands on opposite sides of her. He gripped the sheets in his tight closed fists as his hips stilled.

His entire body stilled as he came. He tightly closed his eyes and clenched his teeth as the force of his orgasm hit him like a freight train,'Oh fuck…' He shallowly thrusted his hips wincing as he mouth slacked in pleasure,'Aahh…comin so hard…fuck.' He continued to pump himself inside her, wanting to prolong his pleasure as much as he could.

He buried his face in her neck as he sucked on her skin,'I love you so fuckin much. You're so fuckin hot, baby. You're…aahh.' He tore at the bedsheets as his face scrunched in pleasure,'Jesus fuck.'

Her eyes widened as she looked up at him. He's never come apart for her like this before. He was coming so hard he was almost on the verge of tears.

His words trailed off as her cunt tightened around his cock. She rose her hips up, bringing his cock deeper inside her,'I love you so much. You feel so good. You're coming so hard for me.'

'Only for you.' He whispered into her skin,'Only you, my baby.'

His words enthralled her. He's never so open with his emotions in or outside of the bedroom. She knew Patty was really working hard with him. She seemed to be making strides with him.

They've been so open and honest with each other these past few months. Ever since they survived the civil war, they weren't willing to compromise their relationship any longer. They were stronger together. Love wasn't enough, but loyalty is. They were fully committed to each other.

His body jerked and it physically hurt as his come spurted out of him. She ran her hands through his hair soothingly, hissing as his hot come spurted deep and fast inside her. He's never had such an intense orgasm with her before. His entire body was shaking and tears were leaking out of the corners of his eyes.

She kissed the side of his sweaty temple as he lazily thrust into her. He kissed all over her face as his body continued to jerk slightly. She kissed his sweat slicked forehead as he sloppily kissed all over her tits. He sucked on her nipples as he groped and squeezed them. He stilled his cock inside her, but refused to leave her tight body just yet.

He licked a trail from her chest, up her neck to her chin. He licked her bottom lip and she clutched at his face, kissing him hungrily. She moaned into his mouth as she tasted herself on his lips. She could feel him still hard in her body and she rose her hips up slightly.

He winced and leaned his hips back,'You're gonna kill an old man.'

She laughed and playfully nipped at his lips,'Says the one who's still hard.'

He bit his bottom lip as he looked over her body,'I can't help it.' He shook his head in disbelief as he ran his hands up and down her sides,'Everyday I look at ya and I wonder what I did in my sorry miserable life to get someone like you. And it ain't just what ya look like.'

She blinked away tears as she gently scratched his scalp. He's never been this tender and forthcoming with his feelings. She wondered what change for him.

'I love you so much, Joel. And the way I treat you just comes natural to me.' She sighed,'You've treated me better than…anyone's ever treated me. Even before you knew me. I don't care what you or anyone else has to say. You're a good man. The best I know. I wouldn't want to share my body again with anyone else. I swore I would never get married again. Until I met you.' She ran her hand down the length of his jaw,'From the first moment I laid eyes on you. I knew.' She smirked,'You were a mean son of a bitch, but ya acted big and bad, but I knew.'

'Knew what?'

'That you were lonely too. That everyday ya woke up ya curse the day you're still alive.' She smiled softly as she rested her forehead against his,'I don't think ya feel that way anymore.'

'Damned right I don't.' He slid his cock out of her body with a sigh,'I don't think ya feel that way either.'

He sat back against the headboard and she laid her head on his chest, draping her arm around his midsection,'I don't feel that way anymore. Not at all. I haven't felt that way in a long time.'

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head,'It took me a long time to stop hating myself for what happened to Sarah. Patty helped me realize that Ellie and Sarah ain't the same. I…had to let Ellie be a grown up and take care of herself. I needed to get through my own shit and start living my life.'

She kissed his chest and smiled up at him,'How's that working out for ya?'

He looked down at her and held her to him,'I got a gorgeous wife and children. So I think living is working out for me.' He cleared his throat,'Sarah woulda loved ya though. I know that. I wish ya coulda met her. She woulda loved having ya as a mama.'

She sat up and took his hands in hers,'I want to tell Matty about her. He deserves to know his sister.'

Tears filled his eyes and he held the side of her face,'I've been telling him about her. I been showing him all the pictures I can.' He shook his head,'Even after all these years. It…it still fucking hurts. She should be here. She shoulda been in our wedding. She shoulda…'

He ran a hand over his face and scoffed,'I shouldn't be talking about this shit during our honeymoon after fucking.'

She frowned and wrapped both of her arms around him tightly,'There isn't a good or wrong time to talk about our feelings, Joel. I'm your wife. I want you to talk about these things with me.'

She could feel him shaking slightly and she knew he was emotional. Most days, he could remain strong, but sometimes his emotions got the better of him. He yearned for those tangible moments. She doesn't know what that's like. The only person she really loved was her meemaw and she lost her way before the outbreak. She couldn't imagine what it's like for him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist tightly as he laid his head against her stomach. He didn't feel ashamed to cry in front of her. This was his wife. He could share his burdens with her and she wouldn't judge him. For he didn't judge her for the past either.

He sniffled softly as he nuzzled into her stomach,'Sarah and Tommy were always trying to set me up.'

'Did ya ever go out on the dates?'

'When I had time.' He laughed softly,'I was always working. I…didn't really date. If I ever got the urge…I could always call someone. That makes me sound like an asshole.'

'No. You sound like a single adult who could do what they wanted.' She sighed softly as she felt him kissing her stomach,'I wish I coulda done that in my twenties and thirties. I wish I had that…option to date and see what choices I had.'

He looked up at her and frowned,'And then ya jumped right into a relationship with me.'

She sighed and shook her head,'Don't say it like that. It's not what I meant. Do you understand how…freeing it is to choose to be with you? Even during all this…I coulda chose someone else. When we got to Jackson, I had other options. Just like you did.' She smirked when he rolled his eyes,'Don't tell me you didn't either. I wasn't blind.'

She gently tugged on his hair and grinned,'You're the first man I've ever chosen for myself.' She leaned in close and gently bit his earlobe, whispering,'The only man I've ever given myself to willingly and for free. And I love. Every. Single. Second.'

He closed his eyes and swallowed harshly, whispering back,'I ain't taken that for granted.'

'I know ya won't.' She looked up at him and smiled softly,'For the record, I didn't think I could…squirt like that either.'

His eyes widened as he looked over her face,'Ya think I could make ya do that again?'

'I don't know.' She shrugged,'We have the next four days to figure it out.'

He couldn't help but grin at that. They would have four uninterrupted days together. No kids or nosy townsfolk. They would have plenty of time to explore their sexual relationship in ways they've never have and couldn't have before.

He started laughing and she looked up at him, shaking her head confusingly,'What's so funny?'

'Nothin. I just ain't cum that hard in my life. I thought they might have to cart my ass outta here. My dick's actually sore.

She didn't know how to respond to that. Sometimes she wondered if he over flattered her and told her what he thought she wanted to hear. She wasn't used to men complimenting her. They were usually the ones who needed validation from her.

He looked down at her. Her chin was resting on his chest. Her red hair splayed out on his chest, wild and curly from his hands tugging on it. He wondered what was running through her mind in that moment. He knew she didn't believe what he said sometimes. That was okay. He didn't blame her. He understood. If she didn't believe him. He would show her.

He saw her eyes fluttering closed and ran his hand through her hair,'Ya tired? We been running all day.'

'A little.' She closed her eyes and yawned,'I didn't get much sleep last night.'

He snorted and nodded,'Yeah…wonder why.'

She heard him mutter 'sexy bitch' under his breath. She wondered if that was his new name for her. She's been called that in the past. She used to hate it. She didn't mind it coming out of his mouth. She would be his sexy bitch.

She blinked her eyes sleepily at him,'Ya wanna get a shower?'

'Tomorrow.' He bent down and kissed the top of her head,'We should get some sleep. Manuel and Rosa have some celebrations planned for us.'

She closed her eyes and laughed. With their culture, she knew they were in for a party.

(Coming up, Becca and Joel enjoy their honeymoon. Also Manuel is Oscar Isaac and Rosa is Melissa Fumero. I just think Oscar and Pedro should star in everything together.)

There is some drama coming up cause that's life.