Here for You, part 3: Lost and Alone

by xavionite

When Steve and Catherine are taken captive, Steve suffers a terrible loss. Can his ohana help him come through the darkness and learn to live again? Character death. No slash.

6. Chapter 6

September 2, 2021

Lou had hesitated to visit Steve. He was so angry about what had been done to his brother, and he wasn't sure he could hide that. Steve didn't need to see him angry. Steve needed him to be calm.

Still, he had to go. Danny said Steve wanted him to visit. Right now, he was pacing back and forth outside Steve's front door, talking himself down from the rage that was boiling inside him. He was holding a platter of cookies that Renee had baked for Steve.

"Breathe," he muttered to himself. "Deep calming breaths." Finally, he rang the doorbell. Danny opened the door and let him in. "Hi, Danny." Lou handed him the platter of cookies.

Dr. Anderson was sitting in the living room with Steve. He was the shrink Steve hadn't wanted to see.

Steve looked up. "Hi, Lou." Steve stared at Lou for a few minutes. "You look angry."

Lou nodded. "I am. I'm angry about what was done to you. It never should've happened."

"I'm angry too," Steve said. "Dr. Anderson and I have been talking about that. He says I shouldn't try to hide it. You shouldn't either."

Steve's eyes filled with tears. He tried to blink them back, but they fell anyway. Lou pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to him. He didn't know what to do with an emotional Steve. Steve used to keep all of his emotions bottled up. "Catherine's gone," Steve said. "I'm broken. Everything is wrong. Everything except Sammy."

"Hey," Lou said. His anger was cooling. That's not what Steve needed now. He would sit next to Steve on the sofa, but Eddie had already claimed that spot. "You've got your ohana. We're here to help you through this. I know you don't want to come back to 5-0, but you'll always be my brother. I've got your back, man. Danny, Junior, Tani, Adam, Quinn, and Cole all feel the same way."

Lou bent down and pulled Steve into a hug. Steve wept in his arms. Dr. Anderson quietly slipped out of the room.

After a few minutes, Steve leaned back. He was under control again. No more tears, but the anguish in his eyes went deep. "Thanks, Lou."

Lou sat down. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I've been so mad about what happened to you. I didn't think you needed to see that."

"I hate being so emotional about things," Steve said. "Catherine's gone, and Sullivan said — he said it was my fault. He killed her because of me, because I killed his brother."

Lou shook his head. Steve had believed too many of Sullivan's lies. "He killed her because of him, not you, Steve." Lou lowered his head briefly, then looked Steve right in the eyes. "He killed Catherine because even though he thought he was Matt Dillon, he was a murderer. He and Kincaid had killed two men in Ireland, too. There was something evil in him, just like there was in his brother. It wasn't you, Steve. Stop blaming yourself."

Steve's gaze was haunted. He looked at Lou. "I want to believe you. I'm trying to believe you. But I should have been able to save her."

"And tell me how you were gonna do that, given the circumstances."

Steve just stared at him. "I don't know," he said. "It was impossible."

Lou sighed. "Yes, it was impossible. There was no way you could save her. I know you wanted to. I know you tried. But you didn't have control in that situation. Steve, you've always been a man who wants to be in control, and when you lose that control, it hurts. Steve, my brother, grief is a crazy thing. It makes you feel like you're trying to breathe underwater, but you're really just drowning. You aren't going to get over it suddenly. It takes time, but you'll get there. And you've got all of us to support you through it. You aren't alone and you never will be." His eyes were wet. He blinked back tears.

Steve's forehead scrunched up. "Who'd you lose, Lou? Nobody told me."

"My dad. A few months ago. Heart attack." He paused briefly. "We couldn't tell you because you were missing. And when we found you, well — it didn't seem like the right time."

"I'm sorry, pal." Steve's gaze met Lou's. "We'll help each other through it."

Lou nodded. "Thank you." He sucked in a deep breath and checked his watch. "Renee's expecting me home soon. She baked you cookies — Danny took them to the kitchen, I think. Are you OK if I go?"

"Yeah," Steve said. "Say hi to Renee for me. And tell her thank you for the cookies."

Lou smiled. There was a light in Steve's eyes that hadn't been there before. "I'll be back tomorrow. See you then."

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Steve sat on the sofa and turned on the television. The first thing that popped up was a Gunsmoke rerun. It made him tremble and struggle to breathe. He changed the channel quickly. He would never watch that show again. The next channel was PBS, a kid's show. He switched it again. News — depressing. Then I Love Lucy. Finally, he settled on an episode of Laramie. He used to watch that show as a kid, too. He liked Slim Sherman and Jess Harper.

Danny came to sit down next to him. He was holding Sammy. "You look better tonight."

"I had a good talk with Lou. I feel a little better about things." Steve looked down briefly, then raised his eyes. "I'm starting to believe that it was Sullivan's fault, not mine."

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September 3, 2021

Steve was sitting on the sofa. Sammy was lying in his lap, taking his morning nap. Steve turned his head toward the door when he heard it open. "Hi, Steve," Danny said. "I've got a couple of special guests who are eager to see you."

Charlie and Drew came in behind Danny. Steve brightened at the sight of them. Drew was carrying a vase filled with purple and white tulips. "I grew these for you, Steve!" he said. He set the vase down on the coffee table.

"Thanks, Drew. They're beautiful." Steve held out a hand to Drew, and Drew shook it.

Danny put a hand on Steve's back. "Drew's quite the gardener."

"I remember." Steve looked at his nephew. "Hey, Charlie. How are you, buddy?"

"Hi, Uncle Steve!" Charlie scrambled up on the sofa and gave him a hug. "I missed you! Sammy's real cute." Charlie patted Steve's right leg. "Did your leg go away like Danno's hand did?"

Steve swallowed a sob. He blinked back the tears. He had to stay strong in front of Charlie. "Yes."

The little boy gave him a hug. "I'm sorry, Uncle Steve."

Danny crouched down and looked his son in the eyes. "You know how Danno has a special hand? Uncle Steve will get a special leg."

"Danno doesn't wear his special hand much lately. He says it doesn't fit right anymore. But when you get your leg, you can take me and Makai to the zoo." Charlie smiled at Steve. Then suddenly his eyes went wide, and he clapped his hand over his mouth, as if he had said something he wasn't supposed to.

"The zoo sounds fun." Steve couldn't say what he really thought. The idea of taking Charlie and his friend to the zoo terrified him.

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Danny met Siobhan at noon. It was a teacher's workday in Honolulu, and classes weren't in session. Siobhan had been wanting to visit Steve. She pocketed her new cell phone. She was already an expert at using it. Adam and Quinn Noshimuri were good foster parents for her. They wanted to adopt her.

"I didn't tell Steve you were coming," Danny said. "You said you wanted to surprise him."

Siobhan grinned. "Yes. Thank you for taking me." Her grammar was improving. She had been in some special classes at school and Adam said she was learning fast. She was an intelligent girl, but she'd never been to school before.

Danny patted her on the back. "I read Steve's journal. He wrote about how much you encouraged him. I know he'll be glad to see you."

She nodded. A tear dripped down her cheek. She pulled a tissue from her pocket and dried her eyes. "I miss my Da, but I really like Adam and Quinn. Thanks for letting me stay with them."

"You're welcome." Danny pulled into a parking spot at Tripler. "I've known Adam for a long time and Quinn for a few years. They're good people. C'mon. Let's go see Steve."

Danny walked her up to the porch and opened the door so she could go in.

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Steve looked up and saw Siobhan. He'd seen her briefly when he arrived in Honolulu, but he'd been so worked up they hadn't talked. She looked good. "Hey, I didn't know you were coming."

She smiled. "No school today. I asked Danny if I could surprise you."

"I'm glad you did." He handed Sammy to her. She kissed him on the forehead and took over feeding him his bottle.

Siobhan nodded. "The Noshimuris might adopt me. They have to foster me for six months before we decide for sure, but I like the idea."

She pulled out her cell phone. "Look what they gave me! I'm goin' to school and I'm already makin' friends. They call me Vonnie." She smiled. "I like that nickname."

Steve was happy to see her, and happy that she was doing well so soon after losing her father. He reached out and took her hand. "I'm sorry about your Da. Are you OK?"

She nodded and blinked back tears. "I'm gettin' there," she said. "I miss him. He did awful things, but he was my Da. He was sick, though. He had cancer. He would have died soon anyway. The doctors said they couldn't help him.

Steve put an arm around her and patted her back. "Thank you for helping me. You saved my life. I'm glad you were able to come to Hawaii."

She hugged him. "Can I call you Uncle Steve, the way Charlie and Grace do?"

His answer to that was loud and clear. "Definitely."

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Steve sat on the lanai, looking at the ocean, and considered what he was feeling. Eddie was out playing in the yard. Steve was able to sit on the lanai alone now without panicking. The talk with Lou had helped him a lot. He had Sammy, and Sammy was a part of Catherine. Sammy would always be a reminder for him of the woman he loved. Maybe someday he could love again, but he wasn't ready yet. He had to get used to being a father and taking care of his son. He had to find out how much he could recover from his injuries.

Dr. Anderson was a big help too. He asked questions that got Steve thinking hard. He listened, and he didn't offer a lot of advice. His questions guided Steve and allowed him to work things out for himself. Steve appreciated that. Their sessions were meaningful. They got him thinking about the future.

Dr. Kowalski came around the back of the house. "Danny told me you were on the lanai. It's beautiful here."

Steve nodded. "Yeah, it is. Peaceful, too."

Danny came out the back door, carrying Sammy.

"I want to take a look at your residual limb. If it's healing well, we can start you wearing a shrinker sock. It will shape the limb for the prosthetic. You'll need to wear it day and night. You can take two twenty-minute breaks, and of course you'll remove it when you're cleaning the residual limb. Danny will have to help you with this. It will be hard to put the sock on one-handed."

He pulled the bandages away from the stump. "Yes, this is healing very nicely. I'm going to slip the sock on. This is a donning tube. It will help you get the sock in place."

He showed Steve how to do it. "It's supposed to be a tight fit. I'm giving you two of them. Switch off every day. The one you're not wearing, wash by hand and let it air-dry. Washing instructions are on the bag." He made sure the sock was properly tight on Steve's limb. "OK, that looks good. Over time, it will get loose as your limb shrinks. Let us know when it's no longer tight and we'll get you a smaller one. In a few weeks, we'll fit you for a temporary prosthesis. It could be several months before we get your definitive prosthesis. The temporary one will last about three months; the definitive one will last three to five years."

Steve nodded. He hadn't taken in everything the doctor had said. He was still thinking about his conversations with Dr. Anderson and Lou. Ralph, too.

Dr. Kowalski handed him some printed information. "Here are all the instructions I just gave you. I printed them out for you."

That was a relief. "Thanks, Doc," Steve said. He was already looking forward to his first twenty-minute break, but he was prepared to push through this and get to the point where he could get a leg.

Steve decided to strap his crutch on and go inside, but when he looked for the crutch, it wasn't there. "Danny, do you see my crutch?"

Danny looked around. "No. It's not here."

Eddie barked. Steve groaned. Eddie was a good dog, but sometimes he did things he shouldn't. Like dig up the money from Kamekona that Steve and Junior buried in the yard, and maybe he had stolen the crutch to chew on.

Danny walked out into the yard. He found the crutch under the bushes. Eddie had destroyed it. Danny shook his head. "Why'd you leave it where he could get it? I'll go get you the wheelchair."

Steve hadn't used the chair once since he'd been home. He didn't have a choice now. This complicated everything. Danny helped him transfer into it.

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September 6, 2021

Steve was sitting on the lanai. Ralph and Danny had walked down to the shore. Lincoln Cole came walking through the backyard. "Hi, Steve. I'm sorry I haven't visited till now. I've been working on a difficult case. I finally wrapped it up this morning."

"It's good to see you." Steve was glad to see Lincoln, but he had no interest at all in his work stories. "Don't tell me about the case."

Lincoln handed him his journal. "Danny let me read this. I'm sorry. What you went through was terrible." He got close to Steve and looked him in the eyes. "I know you don't feel strong right now, but Steve, I know you. Even though we only met a short time before you left, I know who you are. We're a lot alike. Nobody can conquer you." His phone rang. He answered it, talked for a minute, and then hung up. "Another case. I'm sorry, Steve. I'll see you later." He squeezed Steve's shoulder, then left.

Steve watched Lincoln go. If he could have stayed, Steve wasn't sure how he would have responded. He considered Lincoln a friend. He wanted to be as strong as Lincoln thought he was, but he wasn't sure how to get there. Yes, he had to keep moving forward, like Ralph said. Maybe Lincoln was expecting too much of him too soon.

He understood Lincoln. They'd both been through the wringer. They'd both lost people they cared for deeply. But Lincoln was whole. He hadn't been butchered like Steve had. Steve could never get back what he'd lost. Even if he wanted to come back to 5-0, he couldn't do it. Not like this. Not with a hand that might never work again and a missing leg.

Steve heard Sammy crying over the monitor. Danny was still down by the water with Ralph. Steve didn't want to interrupt them. He turned his chair around, opened the door, and rolled into the nursery. His son needed him.

Sammy needed a diaper change. Steve could smell it. He looked at the crib and tried to figure out how to lower the side. It looked like he needed two working hands for it. Sammy was inconsolable. Steve stuck his hand through the bars of the crib and patted on his son. He had to figure out what to do.

Finally, he grabbed the top of the crib with his left hand and held onto it. He pulled himself to a standing position. He'd balanced on one leg before. Once he felt steady, he reached into the crib and picked up Sammy. Then he sat down. But now he couldn't move his chair. He laid the baby on his lap, pulled off his sling, and pulled his injured arm down to hold Sammy in place. Then he moved his chair to the changing table. He pressed a button that elevated the chair. Then he moved Sammy onto the table, got the wipes, and pulled off the baby's jammies.

He moved his right arm so that he was holding Sammy in place, then he unfastened the diaper. Dang, it stank! He did the best job he could cleaning his son and then put another diaper on him. Sammy grinned at him. He still had tear streaks on his face, but he was easily contented.

"You're OK, Sammy. I love you." Steve managed to get the jammies back on him and snapped them up.

He threw the dirty diaper in the trash and pressed a button. It was supposed to keep the diapers from stinking up the room, but it wasn't all that successful. It was OK. Steve had lived with that smell for months in Kansas. He could deal with it.

When he finished, he heard Ralph's voice behind him. "That's how you move forward, Steve. You do what needs to be done."

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September 12, 2021

Steve was sitting on the lanai with Dr. Kowalski. Kowalski had examined his stump. "Commander, I think you're ready to be fitted for a temporary prosthesis. I'll give you the number for the Amputee Clinic so you can make an appointment. Once your prosthesis arrives, your physical therapist will work with you on using it." He sighed. "Normally you would be getting your first definitive prosthesis about a month from now, but we're running a bit late because your captor didn't provide proper medical care."

"Do they usually?" It was Steve's first attempt at a joke since everything had happened.

Dr. Kowalski chuckled. "No. I doubt they do. Before your fitting, you need to get x-rays of the residual limb. We'll also be x-raying your right arm when you come in. It's all in this order." He handed Steve a sheet of paper. "How is your arm feeling?"

"It tingles. Ralph massages the hand for me and that helps." Steve handed the paper to Danny.

Dr. Kowalski nodded. "Good. Massage is good." He stood up. "All right. You're getting better, Steve. How are the talks with Dr. Anderson?"

"Good. I'm moving forward, Doc." Dr. Anderson was great, but Steve thought the talks with Ralph were helping him more.

"I'm glad to hear that, Steve. I'll see you when you come for that x-ray."

Steve watched as Dr. Kowalski let himself out. He checked the clock on the wall. It was about time for the mail to come. So far, he had only been out on the lanai. Today he was going to move forward a little bit more. He was going to go out front and wait for the mail to get there. He pulled the blanket over his legs. He moved his chair toward the door. He knew Danny was watching him. He turned around and motioned for him to stay where he was. Then he opened the door, rolled outside and down the ramp, and all the way to the mailbox. Nothing was in it yet, but he saw the mail truck just down the street.

When the truck stopped in front of his house, the mail carrier stepped out. "Hello, Steve!" she said. "It's good to see you again!"

Steve waved. "Hi, Danae. Good to see you."

She handed him the mail. He set it next to him in the seat, then returned to the house. He saw Danny standing at the window, watching him. He hadn't expected anything different.

He went up the ramp, rolled through the open door, and handed Danny the mail. "Moving forward."

He had given Danny the two items that came with a Dodge City, Kansas postmark. He knew what they were. One was Catherine's death certificate; the other was Sammy's birth certificate. He figured Danny could open them. He preferred to avoid reminders of that time when he could.

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That night, the nightmares didn't come. Instead, Steve dreamed about swimming. He was at peace in the water. He felt secure there. In his dream, he was whole. His right arm worked fine. He had both legs. The sun shone down through the water. Four dolphins swam by his side, two females and two males. He wasn't sure how he knew the difference, but he did. They were watching over him, protecting him. In his dream, he had no need to surface for air. He watched the dolphins. One of the females stayed close to him. She pressed her lithe, supple body against him. As she did so, he heard Catherine's last words to him. "He's a liar, Steve. It isn't your fault. It's his. I'm sorry. I love you." He backed away.

Suddenly, he was broken again. His right arm wouldn't move. His right leg was gone. Instead of dolphins, Catherine, Joe, Mom, and Dad were swimming around him. They lifted him up. They helped him swim. Catherine's voice spoke to him again. "You're never alone, Steve. We're always with you."

He wrapped his good arm around her and pulled her close. He pressed his lips to hers.

Next he heard Joe's voice. "The only easy day was yesterday. Push through the pain. Let your heart heal. You can't change the past, but you can build on it."

Mom and Dad came alongside him. They looked happy together. Dad said, "I'm proud of you, Son. You're a good man. I love you."

Mom wrapped her arms around him like she used to do when he was a little boy. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. Thank you for coming to find me. I love you, Steve."

And then he woke up. He remembered every second of the dream. He could feel the love of his family. They were with him right now. He was never alone.

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September 14, 2021

The prosthetist took careful notes as he measured Steve's residual limb. "How did it happen?"

Steve shrugged. He didn't want to talk about it. He looked at Danny, who had brought him to the appointment.

Danny cleared his throat. "He doesn't like talking about it."

"I get that," the prosthetist said. He had an artificial leg himself. He measured the length of the leg remaining under the knee. "I've got something for you. This will get you up and walking before your temporary prosthesis comes in." He stepped away for a moment and returned carrying a box. "This is a special crutch that doesn't require your arms. So you can use it even with your arm in a sling."

Steve raised his eyebrows. Danny chuckled. "Maybe I should get two of those," Steve said. "I had one and my dog destroyed it."

The prosthetist attached the crutch to Steve's leg and took some measurements. Then he adjusted the length of the platform. "There. This one is yours to keep. You can order another one online. I'll give you the website. If you do, bring it in and I'll make the adjustments for you. I have your measurements. Your temporary prosthesis should be here in two weeks. I'll give you a call when it comes in."

"Good," Steve said. "Thanks."

The prosthetist checked his paperwork. "I have your number. I'll see you in a couple weeks."

Steve looked at the wheelchair and shook his head. He didn't want to use it now that he had another crutch. He headed for the door. Danny could push the empty chair.

He got in the passenger side of Danny's car. One of these days he was going to drive again. Then Danny would never get his keys back. He smiled thinking about it. Danny put the wheelchair in the trunk, then he got in the driver's seat. "Let's go home to Sammy. Maybe we can walk down to the beach and sit in our chairs." He missed doing that. His wheelchair wasn't made for sand.

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Uncle Danny carried Sammy down to the beach. Steve seemed happy to be close to the water again. He was carrying his amputee board. Steve sat down. He took Sammy and Danny unfastened his crutch. Then he put the board under Steve's stump. "There you go."

Steve kissed his son's forehead. "I just realized I don't even know what day Sammy's birthday is."

Danny shook his head. "I can't believe I never told you. Kincaid wrote the information down. He was born on May twentieth. Eight and a half pounds and twenty-one inches long."

"So, he's four months old. Wow. That's hard to believe." The baby was sitting on Steve's lap and waving his rattle around. "Also, four months since I lost Catherine. I dreamed about her and Joe and my parents the other night. It was a good dream. The first one I've had in a long time."

"I'm glad," Danny said. "You needed that."

"Yeah, I did." He stopped for a moment. "Thanks for understanding and telling people when I'm not up to talking about something."

"I get it. You know I don't like talking about the neuroseed and the circuits. I mean, I can talk with you about it. But no one else." Well, that wasn't exactly true. Alani knew. Alani understood.

Danny laughed. "You know what I miss? Our arguments."

Steve was quiet for a long time. "I don't feel much like arguing anymore."

Danny was quiet. He just stared out at the ocean. He wanted those arguments back. That was a crucial part of their friendship. He fully intended to needle Steve into a fight one of these days.

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September 15, 2021

Steve stepped into the kitchen and looked for the box of malasadas Junior had bought that morning. Danny had gone into the nursery to check on Sammy, who was crying.

Steve found the box in the pantry. He pulled out a malasada just as Danny came back into the room with the baby. He popped the treat into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. "Delicious!"

Danny glared at him. "Junior bought those for Tani. They're one of her cravings."

Steve reached into the bag and grabbed another malasada. "She won't mind. I love the custard." He popped a second malasada into his mouth.

Danny rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna tell Tani!" His mouth twitched. He was trying not to laugh.

Steve grabbed a third malasada and ate it. There were nine more. "These are sooooo good! I think I'll eat the whole box!"

Danny shook a finger. "You do that and Tani will be furious."

Steve ate a fourth malasada. "She's good with it." Then he ate a fifth. "I need to gain weight, you know."

Danny grabbed the box out of his hand. "You're a nincompoop."

Steve laughed. It was his first real laugh since he lost Catherine. It felt good, but it also made him feel guilty. How could he be grieving and laughing at the same time? He let that worry go. Catherine would want this for him. "You're an idiot," he said. "I'm going to have some coffee." He poured himself a cup. Then he got the butter out of the fridge and put a tablespoon in his coffee. He took a drink and grinned at Danny.

Danny groaned. "Not that again!"

Steve widened his eyes. "Yep. Enhances brain function. You should try it. You need it."

Another eye roll. Danny handed him the baby and stalked out of the kitchen. "Go change your kid. He stinks."

Steve sighed. He had really enjoyed that fight. He could hardly wait for the next one.

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Danny walked away from the kitchen grinning. He would buy Tani a new box of malasadas. The old Steve was back. Maybe not all the time, but at least he'd resurfaced. Danny could have changed the baby, but he was always happy to pass that task off. Steve could handle it.

Danny headed out to the lanai and walked down to the water. One of these days, he was going to watch Steve go swimming again. He had been looking online for information about leg amputees and swimming, and planned to order a special swim fin that Steve could wear in place of a prosthetic. He would do it through the prosthetist so that the measurements would be right. He couldn't wait to see the look on Steve's face when he opened the gift.

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Steve was sitting with Ralph, getting a hand massage. To his surprise, he found he could move a couple of his fingers. They didn't move far, but they moved. "Stop, Ralph," he said. Ralph pulled his hands back. Steve moved the fingers. "Look at that! Doc said six months, but it's already getting better."

Ralph started the massage again. He was smiling. "I went shopping today," he said in his nonchalant way. "Picked up some things for Sammy."

Steve chuckled. "You really meant it when you said you wanted to be a grandfather to him, huh?"

Ralph nodded. "Sure did." He deepened the massage, making firm circles on Steve's palm. "I found some toys I thought he would like." He reached down and picked up a bag. "Take a look."

Steve pulled items out of the bag. There was a toy ship that said US Navy on it and a teddy bear in a Navy SEAL uniform. It even had an eagle and trident stitched into it. "You've got plans for him, huh?"

Ralph shrugged. He was back at the massage. "That child can do anything he likes, and I'll be pleased with him. But a little encouragement doesn't hurt."

"Thanks, Ralph. These are great." Steve wasn't sure he wanted Sammy to go into the military. He didn't want his son to end up with PTSD. He would support anything Sammy chose to do, but he would worry if Sammy became a SEAL. And he really hoped he didn't become a cop. An artist, maybe. Or a writer. Or maybe a musician.

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Steve had Sammy sitting in his bouncy chair. He had ordered some board books online. His favorite was Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. He also liked More, More, More Said the Baby. The parenting book he was reading said that he should have been reading to Sammy from birth. But until now, he didn't have any books to read to him. He hoped it wasn't too late. The book said that reading to babies increased their vocabulary. It was better than putting butter in your coffee. Sammy was too little for coffee, anyway.

He opened the first book. It was awkward doing this with only one working hand, but he would manage it. He showed Sammy the pictures. The little guy grinned. Then Steve started reading. Every time he got to the "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" line, Sammy laughed hard. Steve took that as a seal of approval.

He read both books. Then he picked Sammy up and held him close. "I love you, Buddy." He kissed the top of his son's head. "Mama loves you too." Then he carried Sammy to his crib. It was time for bed. Danny had given Sammy a bath and his hair smelled like peppermint. He had a lot of hair. It was all they could do to keep it looking neat. Sometimes Steve thought he should get him a military haircut. It would be easier to take care of. But he never thought that way for long. Sammy was too little for that kind of thing.

Steve had been devouring the parenting book that he'd ordered. It told him when to start solid foods and how to get kids to love books and how to avoid getting them obsessed with sugar. He intended to follow all the advice he was reading.

Danny, on the other hand, said he needed to lighten up and that every rule had its exceptions. He said Sammy was ready for oatmeal now, even though the book said six months. Sammy was hungry all the time. Danny had bought some boxes of baby oatmeal. They were stored in the pantry.

Steve wondered if he was making a mistake, following all the rules the book set out. Maybe Danny was right. Not that Steve would ever admit it. But maybe it was time to introduce oatmeal. The books talked about rice cereal, but the pediatrician said rice had arsenic in it. Danny said to flavor the oatmeal with a little applesauce. The book said not to do that. Steve didn't want the kid to get hooked on sweet stuff. He sighed. Parenting was hard. How the hell did Danny make it look so easy?