Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Today, Xander, Willow, and I helped my sister get dressed for her first date, with a guy named Owen. She met him in high school, and I think she really likes him; she was excited to spend the evening with him.

Personally, I would have been almost as excited as she was if I didn't know what I know, thanks to the memories of my previous life (more precisely, the false memories implanted by the monks). I already know it's not going to work out between Buffy and this guy: Owen is barely a name, almost erased from my memory; I don't think I've ever met him. I don't know exactly why it's not going to work out: maybe something related to the Slayer's mission... But I don't know anything specific. In my memories, at that point in our lives, Buffy told me few secrets, and nothing about her mission.

What I do know, however, is that Xander loves Buffy, and Willow loves Xander. And worse: I love Xander too! Can you believe it, dear diary? I have a crush on him again, just like the first time! You'd think I'd have gotten over it, but my wish really sent me back to my childish body and mind. At one point, Buffy and Willow asked Xander to turn around while my sister was putting on her dress, and Xander had fun tickling me. I think I turned as red as a tomato! Luckily, Buffy took pity on me and told him to stop because I hate tickling. I was so embarrassed I could have, like, slapped myself...

So, of the four of us, I already know that none of us is going to get what they want. Xander is going to be with Cordelia, and as for Willow... I miss Tara. She was so kind to me in my old life, after the battle at the tower. But right now, Tara isn't around. Even Oz isn't here yet. This is all so weird...

I know that Buffy's big love story will be Angel. Angel who will turn evil, kill people, and break her heart. Repeatedly. Should I do something to prevent that? I don't want my sister to suffer... But I can't prevent her relationship with Angel: I know he's also supposed to be a decisive help to her in several circumstances, and then, thanks to Buffy's influence, he'll become a sort of champion of good. I don't want to prevent that... but when I think of all the harm he's going to do to her, I want to sprinkle him with holy water!

I miss Spike. I used to confide in him sometimes. I felt like he understood me. Maybe he'd know what to do. On the other hand, right now he doesn't have a chip, and if he saw me, he might try to bite me.

It's all so complicated...

Buffy looked so pretty in her little dress as she went to meet Owen. Of course, I told her she looked old-fashioned. It's more or less in the little sister handbook to make fun of their big sister. I don't think she took it badly. She knew it wasn't serious. I gave her a hug before she left and wished her a good time. I hope there won't be too many vampires, but you never know.

Buffy and I really get along now. At first, she had reasons to resent me, but we've gotten much closer since the first day in Sunnydale. It wasn't too difficult. She loves me a lot. I just had to be nice to her and avoid causing her trouble. Sure, we still fight sometimes; we're sisters, but it's different now. It doesn't mean anything anymore. Overall, things between us are pretty good.

Well, she still doesn't tell me anything about her Slayer activities, and I don't dare tell her about the Key yet... But other than that, I feel really close to her. Like we did in my old life, just before the battle at the tower... Afterward, she became so distant... Having her back like this is a dream come true. I think that's why I haven't told her anything about the Key: I want her to see me as her sister, not as a mystical object to protect. But I'll have to tell her about it sooner or later...

I won't let her sacrifice herself again. Not if I can help it. But I don't know how yet. How are we going to beat Glory? I hope that with more time, I'll find a way. Thinking back, I think we discovered there was something like a connection between Ben and Glory. But it's strange: I can't remember.

Anyway, that's all for today, dear diary. Good night.