Hi everyone, thanks for being patient for chapt 18, let me know what you think :)
Olivia washed her hands in the sterile basin, right up to her elbows as far as she could go. She watched through the small window of little Henry under a general anaesthetic. She had confidence in her abilities, it was the intrusiveness of the thoughts that de-railed her calm feelings at times.
She hated to play in to it, but she knew deep down that she did suffer some form of PTSD that remained all but untreated.
"Careful, Dr. Benson, you'll start taking your skin off," Carisi interrupted, joining her at the basin to scrub in. She glanced at him and gave him a smile.
"Don't worry, you'll be fine, this is just first cut nerves, I'll be right by your side and I can even guide you if you want me to talk you through it. I'm going to be your support."
"Thanks," she let out a breath and Sonny could see she was riddled with some kind of feeling that he couldn't entirely place, but he could chalk it up to her surgery experience under Bancroft.
He walked ahead of her and in to held the door open with his back. They put their protective sterile gear on over their scrubs. It'd been a long time since Olivia had worn scrubs. She had a navy blue pair that she had to fish from the back of her closet. It was certainly more comfortable than the dress, but it did remind her of how self-aware and self-conscious she had been wearing them for all the ways Franklin had objectified her.
She took a deep breath and greeted the surgery nurse and the anaesthesiologist who was keeping a close eye on Henry's condition under the anaesthetic.
They both gloved up and Olivia looked to the screen above that would allow them to see where they were sending the catheter line. "I'd be inclined to go through his neck because it's generally more effective," Olivia began, "but in terms of after-care and making sure it doesn't re-bleed or cause any trauma, maybe if we run it through his upper thigh vessel?"
"He's going to be a bit sore for a few days, the first 24 hours is probably the most dangerous in terms of causing any trauma to the vessel afterwards, so it's entirely your call. If we go through the neck, we'll hold on to him here for two nights to make sure he doesn't go doing anything crazy," Sonny told her.
Olivia thought for a moment. "Mmm what would you do?," she asked Sonny.
"It doesn't matter what I'd do, neither entry point is wrong, Liv, you make the decision and I'll stand behind it."
"No, let's go with the upper thigh, I think there's too much room for causing a re-bleed."
"Okay," Sonny agreed as the nurse got the surgical equipment prepared for the procedure all laid out on the sterile tray. "How are his sats?" Liv asked the anaesthesiologist.
"Good, they're steady and he's doing just fine."
"Perfect," Olivia replied going over a checklist in her mind.
"Do you need my guidance?," Sonny asked her gently, he could tell she was nervous.
"No, I just need to collect my brain," she replied with a little laugh.
"Its okay, take your time."
Olivia moved down to the child's lower half and examined the blood vessels in his leg to find the exact one that she needed to feed the catheter through. "There you are…" she whispered to no one but herself. She glanced up at the nurse, "I'm so sorry, can you fix my glasses? They feel like they're about to fall off."
The nurse laughed. "No problem."
She came around and adjusted Olivia's thick framed glasses behind her head. "We can get you something to secure them next time," she told Olivia kindly.
"Thanks, that's perfect. Okay, so I just need an alcohol swab please when you can."
The nurse unwrapped sanitising swab and handed it to Olivia after changing her gloves.
Sonny stood close by, watching over her. He knew he could have left her to it, but he definitely didn't want her to feel unsupported.
"Thanks," she swabbed the entry point to make sure it was sterile before picking up the catheter tube, thankful that the nurse had prepared all of the parts of the catheter for her. She connected the bits all up and asked the nurse to connect the other part to the machine.
"Okay," she murmured to herself, "Henry, we're about to see what's happening with your heart, little man…" she took a deep breath and pushed the larger sheath needle in first to find the right spot. "Perfect, perfect," she murmured, instantly forgetting everyone else in the room. She concentrated and liked to believe that the patient could see her and could feel everything she was doing, that way she was likely to take more care and be as precise as her dexterity would allow her.
"Can I have the catheter please?," she asked, glancing over at the nurse.
She passed it over without a word and Olivia inserted it slowly through the tube. "Can we have the screen going? I don't really need there to be any room for error," she told the room.
A second large screen that suspended from the roof, held on by a bracket and viced in to place, Olivia could see exactly where the catheter was going.
"How am I going?," she finally asked Sonny with a little laugh, feeling relieved that the part she was most nervous about was over. She had done a thousand catheterisations, but it had been some time and she was just very nervous about doing it on someone so small. Her experience was a little more limited when it came to paediatric caths. She had done many, but there was always that nervousness about dealing with a children, probably stemming from her first actual surgery.
"Couldn't have done it better myself, Liv, you're doing great."
"Thanks…" She began by taking some blood samples while a nurse readied the dye contrast so that she could inject it in, it would push through to all the blood vessels and show them the pattern of air flow that would be helpful to understand what was affected in Henry's small body.
The nurse took away the four vials of blood, labelling them and replacing them with the dye.
"Thank you," Olivia responded as she picked it up and fastened it to the tube and began to very, very slowly push it through. "You're doing good Henry," Liv spoke to the child who was out, but it didn't matter to her. She was very aware of the steady beat of the child's heart coming from the machine.
"Doing very good…"
Olivia pointed out a few things on the screen of note to Sonny; things that if he was honest, he didn't pick up himself. He felt as though he had hit the jackpot with Olivia Benson on his surgical team. If he could bolster her confidence, he was sure that her brilliant mind and precise dexterity would put his other surgeons to shame.
"Guess what?" Olivia asked Sonny, "we're about to perform balloon surgery, I think… look at that…"
Olivia found what they were looking for. They needed to widen the aortic valve that was way too narrow for her liking. "Did Mom sign the forms or do we need to go and have a chat to her?"
"She signed the forms, but I might go and have a quick chat to her." Sonny turned to the anaesthesiologist. "Do we have time? We might need another 30 or 40 minutes."
"Yep," he replied, "I can top up."
"Okay, hold tight and maybe I'll just make sure Mom is happy to go ahead before we actually go ahead," Sonny replied as he headed out of the surgical room. Olivia held pause on the catheter and looked from the anaesthesiologist to the nurse, "so, anyone watched anything good on Netflix lately?," she joked to ease the awkward silence in the room.
The two laughed. "No but really, this could take ten minutes, the Mom is a bit fragile," Olivia told them, "so…"
"Is this your first cath, Dr Benson?," the nurse asked.
"No," she shook her head, "this is probably my billionth but it's been awhile. I took a few years off surgery and I'm just a bit in my head today, but once I started, it's kind of autopilot."
"Well, you're very precise," the anaesthesiologist complimented her.
"Yeah," the nurse joined in, "I've done these with surgeons who have had to have had a few stabs at getting the vessel right."
Olivia was glad they couldn't see the face she was making beneath her mask. "Really? A few goes? Imagine waking up as the patient and having a few punctures? That's… embarrassing, no offence to the surgeons, maybe the patients have had difficult vessels."
"No, Dr Benson, we think the same thing, it's embarrassing," the nurse replied.
Sonny reappeared faster than she expected, pulling his mask up and pulling new gloves on. "We've got the go-ahead. Anything we can do to expedite Henry feeling well, Ms. McLintoch wants us to go right ahead."
"Okay," Olivia nodded taking a deep breath, "Henry, my friend, we are going to make breathing a little easier on you today…" she told him.
She turned to the nurse, "I am so sorry, I didn't even ask your name-"
"Melissa," she replied. "Melissa and…" she glanced at the anaesthesiologist.
"Amit," he replied.
"Sorry, that was really rude of me," she added. Sonny smiled beneath his mask.
"Okay Melissa and Amit, let's get this show on the road. Can I get the balloon fixture ready, Melissa?"
"Sure Dr. Benson, give me a few moments."
"And Amit, how are we for time before a top up?"
"Already done, we have roughly 45 minutes, but I can top up one more time if it's necessary."
"And SATs still good? Body temperature is okay?"
"He's doing really well," Amit replied, "you can continue as soon as you're ready."
"Great," she turned to Sonny, "are you okay with me doing this? Or, if you'd like to take over."
"No, Liv, this is entirely your surgery, I'm just here to support you if you need it, I told you already," he replied.
He could tell when she made eye contact with him that she was smiling. He trusted her and she could tell.
The balloon surgery was slow to start, waiting to prepare it was probably something that she should have considered and noted before they started, but once it got moving she was able to be efficient with her time as she guided it through to the aortic valve. "Let's get that stent in there…" she murmured taking her time before placing the small metal tube to keep his valve wide for airflow.
"And we are done…" she breathed as she stood staring for a moment. Slowly she removed the catheter as gently as possible, pulling it out.
"That was so fast, Liv," Amit remarked, "you didn't even need 30 minutes."
"Olivia Benson, you blitzed it and perfect job, honestly," Sonny added with a disbelieving laugh. She didn't let them break her concentration, the post-surgery wound could be just as dangerous if she didn't finish it off correctly— any trauma to the vessel could be dangerous. Once the feeder was removed, she held down a gauze over the entry site. "Melissa, could I get you to hold that down for about 5 minutes?"
"Of course, we can finish up if you like?"
"No, I'd rather just oversee it to the end if that's okay?," she offered. She knew that way she had full control.
"Are you okay if I leave you guys with it? Or would you prefer me to stay, Liv?"
"You can go."
"I'll leave you to chat to Emmaline if you're comfortable? You can let her know we're done and we were successful," Sonny nodded to the screen, "look at the pressures dropping, improvement on SATs."
Olivia smiled and nodded, "Thanks for your support Sonny. I'll come and see you before I go back upstairs."
"No problem Liv, good job."
/
Olivia pulled off the protective wear and her hair cover and tossed them in the garbage on her way out of the surgery room. She felt accomplished, proud that she had proved something to Sonny, but above all else, that she had proved to herself that she could still do it; that she still had her talent.
Franklin Bancroft may have been able to take part of her soul from her but he would never be able to take her skill or her talent and maybe she had forgotten that.
She made her way out to the wait room and spotted Emmaline. She realised her mouth was still covered with the surgical mask. She pulled it down, letting it hang around the neckline of her scrubs. She smiled re-assuringly at the young Mom who was holding hands with who Olivia could only imagine was her own mother.
"Hi Emmaline," she greeted her and acknowledged the older resembling woman beside her. "Would you like to come with me to a consulting room?" Olivia motioned to one of the small offices. "You can bring your-"
"Mom," the Mom replied.
"Is he okay?" Emmaline sputtered, her eyes filling with tears.
"Yes, of course, he's absolutely fine. I just wanted to give you a quick run down of the surgery and how the next day or so might look."
She let out a sigh of relief. "See honey?" Her Mom gave her a hug, "I told you, Henry is a little fighter, he's fine."
They both got up and followed Olivia to the consulting room. She closed it behind them and closed the blinds.
"Take a seat, wherever you'd like," she replied warmly as she sat down at the small desk.
Both women sat and looked at her eagerly. "Firstly," Olivia reached out to pat Emmaline's hand that rested upon the surface. "You can relax. I stayed with Henry for about 15 minutes after we closed the entry point of the catheter just to ensure that the site stopped bleeding and that there was no chance of it re-bleeding."
"Can that happen?"
"Only if we're not very, very careful. In these cases, there's a bit of trauma to the artery, but knowing those risks, we just take extra care when inserting the catheter and drawing it back out."
"Okay," she nodded. Olivia looked around until she found a box of Kleenex on a shelf behind here.
"Here," she smiled, "this has been an ordeal for you and I'm sure your family too, it's totally normal to be this emotional," she comforted her.
"Thanks Dr. Benson," she murmured as she let go of her tears.
Her Mom reached over and wiped them away, rubbing her daughter's back warmly. Olivia couldn't help but to smile, wondering what it would have been like to have such a support growing up.
She fobbed the feeling of regret off.
"So, it was a relatively quick surgery, I know Henry was out of it, but I talked him through it the whole time, I'm sure Professor Carisi thinks I'm nuts, but it's my thing," she chuckled in spite of herself, "I like to think that if there is some part of children's subconscious that they can hear, that they're comforted."
Emmaline was smiling and so was her Mom. "He is a little trooper, the catheter went through his groin artery in his upper thigh, I felt like it was less risk than going through his neck. It's probably easier for a little one to hurt his neck before that groin area," she explained, "as soon as I saw the aortic valve, I thought we should just go right ahead and put a stent in, do you know what that is?"
"Sort of," Emmaline replied, "I try not to google because it all makes me panic a little bit."
"Yeah Dr. Google is rough," she replied with a smile, "best to stay away. A stent in this case is jut a small tiny metal tube and based on how big the valve or the area, we'll choose a size and place it in the spot it needs to go in to. In this case, I thought it was best to move straight away to widen that valve and that should give him increased airflow, it wont make his heart pump as hard and overall he should find it easier to breathe and his heart rate should slow back to a more normal rate."
"Did it work?" Henry's Grandmother asked.
"Yes," Olivia nodded. "Immediately we saw his SATs shift to a more normal reading his heart rate reduced."
"Oh thank goodness, so what now?"
"It's really very, very important that he rests and doesn't do anything that could cause a re-bleed, so running around and being active is not on his cards for a few days but he's going to be sore and so I've decided that its probably better that we keep him overnight anyway because we gave him a big dose of anaesthetic so he'll be sleepy probably all night anyway if not a little nauseous. We'll give him some pain relief because he will be a little uncomfortable."
"Okay, that's fine, I brought an overnight bag just like you suggested," Emmaline replied. "I can stay with him right?"
"Of course, of course," Olivia nodded. "So the nurses will come and check on his catheter site every few hours to just make sure we're all good and if there is any issue with it, they'll send for me, or if you have any questions for me, I'd really like for you to just call me - I don't mind what time or day, okay?"
"Thank you, Dr. Benson, you've been so good looking after him for us. Thank you so much."
"Of course, I want to tell you it's my job, but I always have a deep soft spot for the little ones," she told her. "I'm going to come and check on Henry on my way out of work tonight, so I'll see you then. I'll get the surgery nurse to come and get you in a few minutes once Henry is in recovery. He'll stay there for about half an hour under a close eye and then they'll bring him up to a ward."
"Thank you so much!" Emmaline told her as Olivia got up. She made a motion but paused, "sorry, that's-"
"No its okay, come here, you can have a hug. I'm a hugger," she said with a laugh. She embraced the young Mom tightly. "Its okay, Emmaline, I'll keep a close eye on Henry."
"Thank you," she murmured before pulling away. Olivia smiled at Emmaline's Mom.
"Thanks Dr. Benson," she said meaningfully.
"You're both so welcome…" she walked them out. "If you guys both just take a seat back in the waiting room, I'll let the nurses know that someone needs to come and get you the second he is settled in recovery."
She gave them a little wave and headed back through the doors to speak with Melissa to remind her to get Henry's Mom after they took him through to the recovery care ward.
She collected her things and dropped past Sonny's office but saw he was with someone. He simply gave her a thumbs up and a wave and she headed back upstairs, taking her bag which had her dress neatly folded within and her other items from her office.
She didn't have much time to change. She needed to eat again. The adrenalin she had felt leading up to and during the surgery had made her absolutely famished. She dropped past the cafeteria to pick up some fruit salad and another diet coke.
She decided to just sit outside in the sun and enjoy a break to let go of the nervous energy that was still filling her stomach.
/
Trevor stepped out of the 9 year old Elton's room looking for a nurse to help him administer a dose of antibiotics intravenously.
He clocked Olivia standing at the nurses station chatting to Meaghan and Lindell. He almost didn't recognise her in her navy blue scrubs that really accentuated her curvy backside. She looked very sexy in her scrubs, but he felt annoyed with himself for letting his brain go there after all that she had admitted from her mentor.
"Hey Liv," he greeted her. She turned around and gave him one of her most beautiful smiles.
"Hey, Trev!," she greeted him as she picked up her diet coke that sat on the edge of the nurses desk. She sipped it. "How's your day going?"
"Good, how'd your surgery go?," he asked her, knowing it clearly went well. She was glowing.
"Great, I implemented a stent to widen the aortic valve and he's doing a lot better," she told him.
"Congratulations, ladies, we have a surgeon amongst us."
Olivia laughed, "shut up… don't be silly."
The girls laughed.
"Can someone give me a hand pushing through some antibiotics?," he asked.
"I'll do it," Liv smiled, putting her drink down.
"No, its okay, you can-" Lindell started to get up.
"No, I'm right here, it's fine. Mind my drink, don't let any of the kids swipe it," she joked, handing her handbag to Meaghan to put behind the desk.
Without another word, she followed Trevor in to the Elton's room.
"Hi Elton, I don't think we've met!" Olivia greeted the boy who glanced at her and back to Trevor, not saying a word.
"Its okay, El, Olivia is my friend and she likes to visit everyone and bring them some fun stuff to do and to have a chat."
"Hi," he murmured.
"How are you feeling today?," she asked him gently, realising he was very shy and very wary of doctors.
"Good," he replied simply.
"That's not entirely true, your kidneys are giving you some pain today," Trevor interjected. He looked at Olivia, "its a really bad infection at the moment, so we're going to get rid of that with a push of 400mg of Cipro. His last dose was in the early hours of the morning." Trevor showed Olivia the chart.
"Okay," she replied. "How's the response to it?"
"Yeah pretty good."
"If you don't have any signs of pain passing or the infection passing, you could also try Levofloxacin — it's a once a day dose of 750mg," she paused, "sorry, I'm overstepping. Today got to my head," she flashed him a grin.
Trevor laughed. "No, I value your opinion. I think we'll try this for another 24hrs and if it doesn't show signs of clearing up, we'll try the Levofloxacin. His treating GP suggested gentamicin but the more-"
"The studies?" Olivia finished his sentence.
"Yeah, I'm wary of it and I get annoyed when physicians use it, it can cause kidney problems and everything else problems so I'd be reluctant to use it unless it was a last resort," he agreed. He turned to little Elton, "don't worry kiddo, we're gonna get you patched up as soon as we can and then you can return to the dialysis."
Elton just nodded solemnly.
"Is Mommy or Daddy coming to visit later?" Olivia asked gently.
He nodded again, "Mom is coming when she finishes work and Dad is coming tomorrow when he gets here."
"Dad lives in Boston, doesn't he?," Trevor smiled at Elton who nodded.
"Oh, that'll be nice to see him," Liv smiled. "Elton if you'd like some games to play or something to do while you're waiting for Mom or Dad any day, you just press your nurse buzzer and ask them to come and get me, okay? I have a lot of fun stuff to do in my office and I can find something for you if you're feeling bored or even if you're a little sad."
"Okay," he replied.
Olivia helped Trevor cross check the medication before he flushed the little boy's IV line. "Do you want to push this through?," he asked her.
Liv smiled, "No, you do it… I'm not that high on doctor jobs," she joked.
"I don't know about that, you look like you're floating…" they held a meaningful glance before Olivia looked away, blushing. Trevor looked back down at the IV and began to push through the medication slowly so as it didn't shock the child's veins.
"Is that okay?" Trevor asked him, "it's not burning? It might feel a tiny bit cold."
"Its okay," he replied.
After a few moments Trevor released the needle and re-capped his IV. "There, all done, good job, Elton. I'll come back in a little while and see how you're doing."
"Okay."
Olivia gave the little boy a wave and followed Trevor out. "Little man of few words," she remarked.
"He's just had enough of us," Trevor told her with a laugh as she went to get her bag from the girls. Together they headed toward their respective offices. "Are you gonna come and tell me how your surgery went?"
"Maybe a bit later, I have Maisy coming in in about 10 minutes and I wanted to get changed back in to my dress," at that, she heard Maisy's voice not too far behind her. "Liv!"
"Or not at all…" she laughed, spinning around, she grinned at her patient and gave her an enthusiastic wave. "Hi Maise! Hi Holly."
Trevor greeted them too. They were still at a distance at the end of the hall. "I think you look just great in scrubs, if you don't mind me saying so," he told her, giving her a nudge.
"Shocker," Olivia rolled her eyes at him but smiled. "Do you have 3 minutes spare?," she asked Trevor.
"Of course, why? What do you need?"
"I didn't get a chance clearly, but could you go and see Sarah and Karen and see if Sarah is up for hanging out for a little while with me and Maise? Tell her there's Exploding Kittens involved and also maybe some other games."
Trevor smiled, "Sure, I'll come knock on your door and let you know."
"Thanks," she reached up to his bicep, placing her hand gently upon him in thanks.
He couldn't help to feel a little thrill from her casual touch. Holly and Maisy caught up to them. "Hey Maisy! I heard you're getting some honours from school already!"
"Yeah," she smiled a little coyly.
"Dr Olivia and I will be there with Mom to cheer you on! I hope you're ready for us to turn up with pom-poms and in our best cheerleader outfits," he joked with a wink.
Maisy giggled.
"You'd look good in a leotard," Olivia joked as Trevor made a face and began to laugh.
"On second thoughts, we don't want to scare your school," he told her, "we'll be as normal as we can be, promise."
Holly grinned at her daughter's two lovely doctors. She knew as far as her eye could see that there was something happening between them both. She wasn't sure if they were together, but Dr Trevor stared at Olivia a little too lingeringly and they both seemed to share an understanding that was silent but for the best of all their patients.
Maisy just smiled shyly.
"Well, I'll leave you guys to it," he turned to Liv, "I'll get back to you shortly."
"Thanks," she replied, "just come and knock on the door and give me a thumbs up or a thumbs down."
"Will do. As you were, ladies!" He nodded at them with a smile and headed back down the hall the way that he came.
"Okay, I'm really sorry I've just come back up from downstairs and didn't have much time to get changed," Liv apologised, "but I'm ready to see you both," she added.
"Oh, Mom's coming as well?" Maisy asked as if she was slightly put out.
"Well, maybe Mom can just come and sit in for a few minutes and we can talk about a few things."
"Am I in trouble?" Maisy asked, troubled.
"No honey, of course not," Holly assured her, taking her hand.
Olivia unlocked her office and opened up for them both to enter. "Take a seat wherever you guys want."
Maisy let go of her Moms hand and wandered to the couch that she usually sat in and threw herself down with a sigh. Holly joined her. Olivia put her handbag down on her desk and grabbed her iPad and popped it down on the little table beside her armchair.
"Okay, let's take some big deep breaths, you know the drill sweetie," she told Maisy, "and breathe them out nice and slow."
Holly humoured them both and went through it with Olivia and her daughter, pretty much willing to do anything to help Maisy.
"Great job," Liv smiled. "Mom brought you here today because she said you've been really sad and refused to go to school."
"I don't want to go to school, kids are so stupid, I hate them all," she replied, her voice in monotone.
"I don't think you hate them," Olivia replied, "I think you're disappointed because none of them have been very understanding nor have they treated you in a kind way."
"There have been some girls who are nice enough," Maisy admitted, "but they don't get it. If I get sick and I go back to school they've forgotten about me and I miss out on the fun stuff, their conversations are about which boys they like and the boys that talk to them but no one talks to me."
"I think… what I'm hearing Maise, is that you feel left out and unimportant. You feel like because of your medical health, your time off school, the way your medical health affects you physically, that it's hard to make friends who understand what that's like and you can't really relate to their lives and they don't even know where to start to relate to yours. Does that sound fair?"
She watched the poor, sweet girl's eyes fill with tears. "I feel alone and I'm not alone when I'm home with Mom or I get to see you but you're not my friend."
"I already told you that I am absolutely your friend and I care about you very much and that even if you stopped coming to see me, I'd still call and check up on you and visit with you if that was okay with Mom," Olivia replied sincerely, "but I also think you very much would benefit from a friend your own age who could relate to you. Do you think that's true?"
"Yeah…" she sniffed.
"Mom? Do you think that sounds accurate?"
"It sure does," she replied.
"I think sometimes when we're upset, we get grumpy and mean toward the people who care about us the most and that's not very fair of us and after we've been mean, we feel bad, right?"
Maisy nodded.
"So I think that sometimes you might give Mom a bit of a hard time and I know you don't mean to, Maisy, I know that you love your Mom so much, you always tell me how you don't like to hurt her feelings because you know she gets sad too, so I'm going to try very hard to help on both counts today."
Olivia watched Holly blinking back some tears. "Why don't you give Mom a hug? I think she looks like she needs one. She gets so sad when she can't help you at school with friends, I think it hurts her feelings as much as it hurts yours. Does that sound right, Mom?"
"Sure does," she sniffed as Maisy closed her eyes and embraced her mother, murmuring a sorry.
Olivia looked up when she heard a knock at the door.
"Excuse me one second," she told them as the door opened ajar, wide enough for Trevor's hand to enter. He gave her a thumbs up and then closed the door without showing his face. Olivia smiled.
"So, we're going to do something a little bit different today. I want you, Maisy, to go and find your most favourite card game from my shelf and then you and I are going to go make a friend and play a game and Mom is gonna make a friend too."
"Who?" Maisy asked.
"I have another patient called Sarah and Sarah is in isolation because she also has a very serious condition with her lungs and she has a little bit of an infection at the moment and can't live in the regular world and she's also feeling very sad and very lonely because her friends don't understand either."
"Oh… how will I talk to her if I can't be in the same room?"
"We can go and visit her, we just have to put some protective clothes on and make sure we wash our hands very well and before we go in I'll just take your temperature and listen to your chest to make sure you don't have any infection yourself."
"Okay. Does she know that you and I are visiting her? Maybe she doesn't want to meet me."
"She definitely wants to meet you and I've spoken to her Mom too. And guess what? She is also a little obsessed with Landon Rhodes from Fifty2 Times. Maisy started to smile. "Really?"
"Really really," Olivia confirmed with a laugh. "So go grab something and we'll go down to the isolation room so we can hang out a little and see how we go."
Maisy jumped up and went to Olivia's games shelf. Holly mouthed a thank you at her.
"You're welcome," Liv murmured as they both stood up, waiting for her to choose so that they could head out.
/
"Hey Sarah!" Olivia greeted her patient warmly. Sarah was propped up with an asthma machine loudly pumping away.
She lifted her hand glumly to wave. Karen stood up and smiled, greeting Olivia, glancing to the small girl behind her wearing a small protective smock and a mask. She smiled at her too.
"Sarah, I have someone I'd like you to meet," Olivia told her, turning to Maisy, putting an arm around her and bringing her forward. "This is Maisy and she and I have come to hang out and give Mom some time to go get a coffee or some early dinner or whatever she needs to do."
"Hi Maisy," Sarah greeted her, "I'll be finished with this stoopid machine in about five minutes."
"Its okay," Maisy replied, "I use that asthma machine sometimes too," she replied.
"I'll be back shortly honey," Karen told her daughter. "Nice to meet you Maisy, I might go and say hi to your Mom, is she waiting outside?"
Maisy nodded, "yeah Mom is waiting in the lounge area."
"Great. Bye girls!," she waved.
"Take a seat, babe," Olivia told Maisy, pulling out a chair close to Sarah's bed. Olivia circled her bed and checked on the nebuliser. "Just a few minutes," she assured Sarah. "We can just yell at you over the top of it," she winked. She took Sarah's wrist without a word and Sarah didn't fight it. She was used to Olivia always checking her pulse and just looking over her SATs.
"How's your chest feeling today?," she wondered.
"Its a bit better," Sarah replied, "Mom and Dr. Trevor said I'm not coughing as much."
"That's so good," Liv smiled, "maybe soon enough we can pop you in your own room outside of here and we can visit without all this stuff on."
"Maybe," Sarah replied.
Maisy looked around the room at all the different machines that Sarah was hooked up to, feeling slightly overwhelmed. "Are you gonna be okay?," Maisy blurted out her question, curious and concerned.
Sarah flashed her a smile. "Yeah, I hope so. One day I could maybe get new lungs, right Liv?"
"Right," Olivia smiled at her, "but we're quite a bit of a way off from that so let's just deal with it one step at a time," she told her.
Finally the nebuliser was empty and Olivia took the mask and hung it up for Sarah. "There we are… that's better, now we can hear each other talking."
She took a seat. "How are you feeling? Do you want to sit up more?"
Sarah took her bed control and uplifted the mattress til she was fully elevated. Olivia glanced at Maisy. "How about you? Are you okay?"
Maisy nodded. "So Sarah, this is Maisy, Maisy, this is Sarah— you're both 11 and almost 12 and you both have some pretty gnarly lung things going on and I thought that maybe you both might like to hang out — we don't have to ever make friends based on having health problems, but sometimes especially when you're dealing with a lot of things at your age, its harder to make friends cos no one really gets it right? You both have had some issues with that, so I thought why not hang out together and see if we can just have a fun time — we dont even have to talk about our health, we can just have a silent understanding that we get each other."
Both girls agreed.
"So Maise, Sarah loves Exploding Kittens too but before we get in to that, I thought we could ask some fun get-to-know-you questions."
"Are they gonna be lame?" Maisy asked Olivia with a little giggle.
Olivia mocked offence and Sarah laughed. "Maisy! No! My questions are never lame."
"Okay," Sarah challenged her, "what are the questions."
"Well if you two are going to make fun of me, I'll have to get you to make up your own fun questions," she shot back at the two tween girls.
"No, no, I was only kidding Olivia, you're not lame, what are the questions," Maisy added, still giggling.
"Okay, firstly I want you to both say something that you like to do outside of school. Sarah, I know you have some cool hobbies, why don't you tell Maisy what they are."
Sarah thought for a moment, playing with her hair that was braided. "I like to crochet because Olivia taught me how to do that and I like to play Animal Crossing on my Nintendo Switch and when I'm at home, my older sister and I like to practice face painting on each other and we always say we will have a face painting business when we get older."
"Oh, face painting! That's so fun, I know it's supposed to be for little kids, but I love getting my face painted."
Olivia smiled. "Me too. Maybe you could get Mom to bring your paints and paint our faces one day," she suggested to Sarah.
"Yeah? I could make you a fairy, Olivia, you'd look so pretty as a fairy! And Maisy, I could make you a unicorn or a princess. It'd be so cute."
Maisy beamed excitedly.
"Okay, maybe we can think about that," Olivia smiled at her, "and now Maisy, what about you? What kind of stuff do you do outside of school."
She shrugged, "I don't know, I've been watching a lot of TV. I like to paint and Mom found me a channel on YouTube that does step-by-step teaching so sometimes when I'm feeling good, we do that together and I know about Animal Crossing but I haven't played it. The girls at school talk about it."
"Oh, I could show you maybe one day," Sarah replied.
"Thanks, that would be cool."
Olivia smiled at the casualness between the girls, as if they'd been friends for awhile. There was no pretension between them at all, neither were playing it cool.
"Okay the next question issssss," Olivia looked at them both, neither aware that she was just pulling random things from the top of her head. "If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?"
Maisy laughed, "I would have Sushi and cherry coke."
"Oooh I like diet coke and I love Sushi, but I would have to choose a chilli beef burrito."
Olivia smiled, "Both of those sound great, what about a snack? What kind of a snack would you choose?," she wondered.
"Oh, I'd choose a Kit Kat or a bag of potato chips," Maisy replied as she and Liv looked back at Sarah."
"Ohhh yeah a Kit Kat is so good, I like cheetos, the cheese puffs not the flaming ones."
"Cheetos are good, I'm with you there, kiddo."
"What about you, Liv? What would you choose?," Sarah asked her.
Liv thought about it for a little while. "Well, when I first moved to New York, Dr Trevor showed me a Mexican restaurant and they had amazing Tacos and I've been thinking about them ever since. And I love Diet Coke," she replied.
"Can we ask a question now?," Sarah asked Olivia.
"Sure," she smiled.
"It's for you, Liv," she smiled at Maisy and then back at Olivia, almost smug.
"Okay," Liv replied.
"Is Dr. Trevor your boyfriend."
Maisy cackled and looked at Sarah, "I asked her before! She says no but I bet it's yes."
Olivia couldn't help but to laugh at the two girls who were laughing with one another over her mistake admitting that Trevor had taken her to dinner. "Dr. Trevor is not my boyfriend, you two little schemers. He's my friend. I came to New York and I had no friends and didn't know anyone so he took me to dinner and did some tourist stuff with me."
"Yeah right, he likes you, I can tell," Maisy added.
"Okay well you both look like you're getting along just wonderfully," she replied, realising she was getting red in the face. "I'm going to leave you gals to it for about 15 minutes and I'll be back."
"Probably going to give Dr. Trevor a kiss," Sarah teased as they both started giggling again. Olivia sighed and laughed, shaking her head as she left the room, leaving the girls to their silliness.
/
"How are they going? Is everything okay?" Karen asked, jumping up, noticing Olivia coming out of the isolation area.
"Yep, they're doing just fine, like they've been friends for years," she told them, not being able to help but to laugh. "They're having a fun time teasing me, but that's okay with me," she told them.
"Oh no, I hope Maisy isn't being rude, Olivia, you can tell her to cut it out," Holly told her.
"No, they're just being silly, its okay, it's totally harmless. I actually just wanted to ask you both if it was okay if I go and get them both a fun snack. I was planning on getting them both a cherry and a diet coke and a kit kat each."
"Oh no, I can go and do that, you don't need to pay for their food."
"No, no, it's fine. I'm allowed to use an allotted amount of money for work stuff with my patients and even if I didn't, I would love to do this for the girls. They've both had a hard time this week and I'm just so happy to see them both laughing and chatting like normal kids."
"Really?" Karen asked, "that good?" She glanced at Holly and both women looked relieved.
"Really," Olivia nodded. "So, ladies, coffee is also on me, what'll it be?"
They both tried to say no, but Olivia insisted and took orders and promised to be back.
/
Olivia packed all of her things in her huge handbag, giving a yawn. It had been a huge day and she had finally hit a wall. She slung her stethoscope around her neck almost forgetting that she had promised Henry's Mom that she would come and check on him before she left to go home. It was just after 7:30. She was really hungry and knew she'd probably be lazy and pick up something form the cafeteria on the way out.
"Hey, why are you still here so late?" Trevor asked, sitting at his desk. "I didn't realise you were still here."
She closed her office door and watched him get up, getting a few of his things together. He switched off the computer monitor and smiled at her. "I could ask you the same…"
"I had reports I needed to finish. Are you on your way out?"
"I wish. I forgot, I promised the little boy's Mom that I'd come and check him over before I left tonight."
"Want some company? I'll drop you home if you like."
"No its okay, Trev, you can go home, I don't want to hold you up."
"What if I were to insist? I actually really want to hear about everything that happened today. Am I being a pain in the ass?"
Olivia smiled at him fondly, "No Trevor, you're never a pain in the ass, you're actually incredibly kind and sweet. Okay fuck it, do you want to come down to post-surgical unit? Henry will probably be staying for a few nights."
"Sure," he smiled.
"Actually wait, I need to go see Sarah for a second. I want to go see how she felt this afternoon went."
"I'll come."
"Mmm no, I don't think you should, I'll explain why later," she laughed. "Maybe you can wait for me? Go busy yourself for 5 minutes."
He rose an eyebrow and agreed.
"Okay. Why don't you just text me when you're done with Sarah."
"Can I text you when I've arrived at on level 2? Again, I'll explain why later."
"Okay and I'll come and meet you," he had an idea what was going on and decided to go along with whatever."
"Thanks Trev," she flashed him a smile and headed down the hall.
/
"Hey guys," Olivia smiled at Karen and Sarah, "how was dinner?," she nodded toward the empty shake shake wrapper on her hospital table.
"It was so good. Two diet cokes in one day," the young blond girl grinned at Olivia.
"Lucky you," Karen smiled. "Thank you for today, Dr Benson, it was a really nice treat for Sarah to get the opportunity to make a friend."
"You're welcome," Liv smiled. "So, what did you think, Sarah? Do you think you'd like to hang out with Maisy again? And by the way, it's totally okay if you don't want to. You can be honest because it's just me," she told the tween.
"Nooo, I definitely want to hang out again, she was really nice and she's so cute and little," she chuckled. "And also, I promised I'd show her how to play Animal Crossing on my Nintendo and I never break my promises."
Olivia was so happy, she knew Maisy had been excited to make a friend and Holly had texted her as soon as they got home to let Olivia know that she hadn't stopped talking about Sarah.
"Great, that makes me really happy. Maybe next time you guys don't need me to hang out with you both the whole time."
"No but it's fun to have you here too, Liv," Sarah replied, "sorry if we teased you about Dr. Trevor too much."
"Sarah!," her Mom admonished her, "you know better than to be rude like that."
"Its okay," Olivia replied, "I know you guys were just kidding around, it's fine, but I am being very honest with you and Maisy, Dr. Trevor is just my friend. He's a very, very good friend, but we are just friends," she insisted despite the fact that she wasn't sure that she even believed her own hype.
"Okay," Sarah replied. "I'll stop."
Olivia laughed. "Okay well, I'm so glad to see you and Maisy both smiling today, even if it was at my expense," she joked winking at Karen. "I'm in again tomorrow so I might drop in and maybe I'll give your Mom Maisy's Mom's number and you guys can figure out another time to hang out. I see Maisy twice a week so that might be nice for you both if you can visit."
"Oh yeah that would be cool."
"I have to go and see another patient downstairs now, but I wanted to check in and say goodnight. Have a wonderful night, won't you both?"
"We certainly will." Karen replied. Olivia glanced at Sarah and noticed that her arms were outstretched as if she wanted a hug.
"Oh? I get a hug?," Olivia rose her eyebrows.
"Yeah, because besides my family, you're the best." Sarah remarked.
Olivia grinned and obliged the 11 year old. She gave her a little squeeze before releasing her. "Goodnight kiddo."
/
Olivia sent a text to Trevor and waited at the bottom of the lift for him. He came straight down and they walked side-by-side in silence through to the post-surgery ward. She happened to catch sight of Melissa who was milling about ticking some things off charts.
"Hey Melissa," she greeted her.
The young, black-haired nurse glanced up at her and smiled. "Hi Dr. Benson, are you here to see Henry?"
"Yeah, I promised his Mom and Grandma that I'd come and give him a once over before I see him in the morning. How's he going?"
"He's quite nauseous, he's vomited a few times but he's doing okay. We're just infusing some IV fluids and I'm on my way to administer some Zofran for it. Do you want to come and cross-check with me?"
"Of course," she smiled. She glanced at Trevor. "Wanna hold my handbag?," she winked.
"Absolutely. I'll just go have a seat," he nodded to some chairs that lined the hall.
"Thanks, I won't be long," she passed him her bag.
"Do your thing, Benson," he replied with a little smile, enjoying watching her walk around with a sense of purpose and a busy-ness that he wasn't used to seeing from her.
/
"Hi sweetheart," Olivia murmured softly as she entered the room that was dimly lit by an overhead light and the TV that was mounted from the roof. Emmaline looked up, lifting her head from the side of the mattress where her son lay looking a little out-of-it still.
"Hi Dr. Benson," his mother greeted her.
"Hi Emmaline, I hear little man hasn't been feeling so good."
"No, he's had a few barfs."
"Poor thing," she frowned, stroking his hair. "Honey, I'm going to give you something that will make you feel a lot better in your tummy so you won't have to barf anymore okay?"
Henry glanced at her with his sunken eyes, his pupils dilated from the pain relief that was probably making him nauseated. She signed off on the medication and put on some gloves and took the Zofran wafer from Melissa. "I'll do it, you're good, thanks Melissa."
"Are you sure? You don't wanna go home?," Melissa laughed. "You've been here since 8:30."
"I'm fine," Olivia flashed her a smile. She turned back to Henry, "sweetie, can you open your mouth for me like this?" Olivia opened her own mouth.
Henry did as he was asked. "Okay, I'm going to get you to lift up your tongue and I'm going to put this little pill under your tongue and you're just going to leave it there and it'll disappear — just like magic, k?"
He nodded. She smiled warmly at him. "Okay my sweetheart, lift your tongue." When he did she popped the Zofran wafer beneath it. "Okay, Henry, you can relax now, just pretend it's not there."
She turned to Emmaline. "How are you doing, Mom? Do you want someone to get you a coffee or something to eat?"
"I'm okay," she smiled at Olivia, "I'm too nervous to eat. I've just got some water."
"Okay, but you need to take care of yourself too." She placed her hand on Henry's wrist and took his pulse and looked over his chart. She turned to Melissa, "has his breathing been this good the whole time?"
She nodded. "Yeah, pretty spot on. Good oxygen levels too. Everything is consistent and the entry point of the cath is just fine. He's doing overall really well save for the vomiting."
"Which is probably because of the oxycontin," Olivia told her. "But everything's looking really good," she felt pleased.
"Henry, honey, I'm going to come back and visit you tomorrow morning and we'll see how you're feeling, hopefully you'll be feeling a lot better and we can get you something to eat and take out all of your tubes," she nodded to his cannula that was neatly and closely bandaged to the back of his small hand.
"Thanks for taking extra care of my baby, Dr. Benson, everyone here has been so kind. I don't know what I would have done without someone being here to explain everything to me…"
Olivia smiled and gave her a pat on the shoulder. "You're welcome. You're doing such a wonderful job taking care of everything, Emmaline, you should be proud. I think you just need to be kind to yourself and remember to eat and drink."
"Why don't I bring you some sandwiches and a juice or something?" Melissa suggested, "you don't have to eat it right away, but just when you feel like it."
"See?" Olivia smiled, "you should take the sandwiches, you need something in your stomach."
"Okay," Emmaline agreed, "thank you, that's really kind."
"Okay, I'll be back shortly with that for you." She turned to Olivia, "Dr Benson, do you need anything else before I go?"
"No, thanks for your help today, Melissa."
"You're welcome," she replied. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight," Olivia replied over her shoulder. She turned to Emmaline. "Hang in there. If you want a cot to sleep on for the night, please ask, I'm sure they will be able to organise it. Tell them Dr. Benson said to ask for one," she smiled.
"It'll be fine, it's just a night. My Mom will come and take over in the morning and I'll go home to sleep," she told Olivia.
"Okay, well you make sure you eat and get some rest too. Goodnight, Emmaline."
"Goodnight Dr. Benson."
/
"Olivia are you ever gonna move from this place?" Trevor asked as he walked her up to her apartment.
"Yeah, I've started looking. The raise in my pay with the surgeries means that I can probably afford to start looking for something a little bigger in the nicer part of town."
"Rent something near me and then I won't have to put the steering lock on my car when I drop you off," he joked haughtily.
Olivia rolled her eyes and laughed. She made her way to the kitchen and pulled the vodka out of the freezer and poured herself a drink with some seltzer, dropping a bit of lemon in to it. "Do you want a drink?"
"Mmm, I don't know, I have to drive…" he considered it. "Do you have anything to eat? I haven't eaten yet."
"No, but we could order something," she suggested.
"Why don't we have one drink and then go for a walk down a few blocks, have you ever eaten at any of those little restaurants?," he wondered.
"Yeah, sometimes on my way home from work I grab something from the Italian place."
"Okay, do you want to do that?," he wondered. "I'm not really feeling a junk food night."
"There's a sports bar there too and I think a Thai restaurant."
"Sounds good," he smiled.
"Just let me get out of these scrubs and in to something more comfortable. I need to wash them."
"Okay, you go do that, I'll pour us a drink."
/
They walked down the street side-by-side. Trevor found himself reaching for her hand but pulling his own back when he realised. He jammed his hands in to his black dress pants that he'd been wearing all day.
"You're kind of quiet…" Olivia remarked.
"I am? Sorry… just thinking."
"What are you thinking about?," she asked, glancing up at his face. He really did tower over her.
He fell silent again. "I don't know… just in my head a little tonight, I guess, not in a bad way or in a way that you should be worried about, I'm just-"
"You don't really want to talk about it with me," she supplied, understanding that his pensiveness probably had more to do with her then he wanted to let on.
"I guess I'm just respecting your boundaries and sometimes that's hard because I care about you so much. I don't want you to rush in to anything with me because I don't want you to panic like you did when Christian was here for the weekend… you barely spoke to me for far longer than I liked."
Olivia felt a pang of guilt. "I'm really sorry," she murmured.
"No, don't be sorry," he replied. "I really do just like hanging out with you, that's true. I'm just getting in my own head about it. I suppose the bigger question that's lingering is whether or not you'll eventually want to be with me and I'm being patient, but maybe it's me you're not ready for, maybe you'll meet someone else and you'll be ready because maybe if you're honest with yourself, you don't feel the same way," he rambled.
She paused for a second, stopping in her tracks.
He turned to see she was staring at him, looking a little stricken. "Trevor are you serious?," she asked him, her eyes filling with tears.
He felt heat rising up his neck as his face flushed, "oh my gosh, Olivia, no, don't cry-"
"No," she said quickly, wiping away the tears that had betrayed her. "You think that I'm leading you on? That I'd just walk in to your office and cuddle you and kiss you to what end?"
"No- I just meant-"
"Trevor, I like you," she told him bluntly, wiping away more tears with the backs of her hands. Someone passed them and glanced at her with a quizzical expression. He took a few steps toward her. "I really like you," she repeated a little softer as he backed her away out of the foot traffic. "I would never take your kindness and just…" she couldn't say the words, she was stifling a sob.
"I was just thinking out loud, Liv, I was just sharing how scared I am, I feel like I have everything to lose…"
"It's because I like you so much that I need time," she blurted out, "I don't want to fuck it up like I do with everything else. I want to make sure I'm ready and I can put in the work to make sure I'm the best person… for you…" she almost broke down. The entire day had finally hit her; surgery could be like that, when things went well it was a rush, a burst of adrenalin that lasted for hours until she finally crashed.
"Hey, but I already think you're the best person," he murmured.
"No, but I'm not, not for what you want," she replied, unable to look at him as he took both of her hands and got very, very close. "I have things I need to address because I don't want them to be your problem…" she murmured. "You make me want to be better, Trevor," she flicked her chocolate eyes up to meat his.
He stood so close that despite towering over her, his head was lowered, looking down in to her beautiful face. "You make me want to be better too," he replied quietly. "I'll be patient. But I'm still gonna take you on a date."
"Good," she sniffed. "I've been looking forward to it."
He let go of her hand and brushed some tears from her cheeks. "I'm sorry I made you cry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, that was so insensitive of me."
"No," she replied. "It's fair to want answers, I'm sorry if you've felt unsure, that's on me… I didn't ever mean to make you feel like that."
He slid his arms around her, "come here…" he couldn't stand the sight of her crying over something that he'd caused with his thoughtless words. He felt her wrapping her arms around him, her hands resting in the middle of his back. He held her tightly for a moment, stroking her long wavy hair that she'd taken out of the ponytail it'd been in for most of the day. He let his eyes close and breathed in deeply. Eventually he let go, giving her shoulder an affectionate rub.
She sniffed and laughed in spite of herself. "I'm sorry, that wasn't worth getting so worked up over…"
"Don't apologise, its alright. You've had a huge day and I'll bet you're tired too."
"I am," she replied, "but my mind is racing…"
"Okay, so let's go and get some dinner and then I'll walk you back home and leave you to it so I don't take up anymore of your rest time," he suggested.
"Well, I'm torn because I like spending time with you…" she replied with a little smile as she linked her arm through his and leaned her head against his upper arm.
He smiled to himself as they walked ahead. "What are you going to do after dinner if I go?," he asked her.
"I was going to study the tetralogy of fallot surgery — it's a big one because it's four surgeries in one, but she's had the VSD surgery done as a baby, so that leaves the aortic override, the narrowing of the outflow tract and there's signs of right ventricular hypertrophy," she sighed. "I don't even know if I'll be allowed to surgically touch her, but I want to make sure that I'm prepared in the event that I'm asked."
Trevor's smile grew. "I love the way you've leapt in to this with so much self-belief and so much confidence. Three months ago you would have told me that you could have never done this again, but now you're talking about potentially leading open heart surgery… I don't want this to sound condescending, but I'm really proud of you, Olivia."
"Thanks…" her voice trailed off. "I think if it wasnt for Sonny Carisi, I'd never have felt the ability to slip back in where I left off quite so seamlessly."
They arrived at the strip of restaurants. "Which one?," Trevor asked her, nodding at the different places.
"Mmmm let's go to the Thai place. I could eat some beef."
He led the way and pushed open the door and held it open for her to step beneath his arm and enter first. He let the door close behind him and together they waited for a seat, asking for something outside in the alfresco street-side dining.
They were led to a table and given menus and some table water. Olivia already knew that she wanted a passionfruit cocktail with mint and Trevor ordered the same, just to be amenable. "I am actually starving," she told him. "Did you eat anything after lunch?"
"Yeah, I pocketed a jelly from the kitchen," he smirked.
She laughed. He sat across from her and tried not to stare too much, often getting lost in her eyes. "I've been meaning to ask, how are things standing with Charlotte?"
Olivia shrugged, "They're okay, she stopped sending me emotional dumps when she was angry or drunk or had a bad day, so that's a plus. She told me she's holding out some hope for us but I've already told her to give up and that I'm not coming back to California and even if I was, we aren't right for one another."
"At least you've been clear."
"She's been quiet for the past month," Olivia shrugged again, "I don't know if that's a good or bad thing," she replied with a little chuckle.
"So after today, with the success of the surgery and after diagnosing Isabel, do you think that you'll decide you want to do more work in cardio and maybe transition over?," he wondered.
Olivia thought about it, "I don't know actually. It's still early days and the surgery today was kind of stock-standard. Maybe if it all continues going this well, but for now it's too early, but I do like the pay raise, currently."
He laughed. "I'll bet. Maybe I need to get back in to some surgery, just the easy stuff, you know, lung biopsies, that type of thing."
Olivia laughed, "How do you feel about a woman being the bread winner?," she challenged him. "Would that bother you?"
"No, because I think it all really comes full circle eventually, like… if I was with someone who earned more than me, there might be a time where they want to ease back and take some time, or have a year off to train or study further, this evolves so quickly that you really need to be willing and ready to hit the books."
"Yeah," she nodded, "plus, I guess women sometimes have children and then things change."
"True," he agreed. "I know we've touched on it before, but do you think having kids is ever on the cards for you?"
She thought about it and motioned her head from one side to another in a 'maybe, maybe not' type gesture. "At this stage its a no, but things might change when I'm with the right person and I'm not really bothered how that happens, it could be pregnancy, it could be adoption, I don't really mind. Biology is so scientific to me so the whole process of being attached emotionally has its place, but it's not everything and there are so many babies out there who need a good Mom and a good Dad."
"That's a good point…" his voice trailed.
"I think I'd lean more toward adoption, actually, but I also know I have a lot to work on in terms of myself because I do not want to load my trauma's on any kid."
"Me either," he agreed.
The waitress arrived to take their order. Trevor ordered the Atlantic Salmon with Panang Sauce and Olivia ordered the cashew beef with chilli and they decided to split a serve of satay chicken skewers.
"Look how great the cocktails are…" Trevor remarked. "Too bad I have to drive."
She smiled. "You can crash at my place if you want, in my bed or on the couch, whatever suits you— maybe you can help me study."
He stared her down for a moment before he smiled. "Wanna get a jug of something?"
"Let's get the Sangria, its a white wine instead of a red wine and that speaks to my heart…"
"Okay," he agreed, "have you had it?"
"Yeah, I came here once before. It's pretty good."
They added the Sangria to their order when the waitress walked past.
"Man, this is going to be a very, very good dinner…" Olivia remarked excitedly. He hadn't seen her this excited to eat since their first time out together. He truly was so happy to be part of the new energy that seemed to be filling her up, making her more content than he'd witnessed in the past.
And not only that, but it helped to know exactly what her intentions were and now things felt a little less foggy.