Chapter 33: Pins and Needles
The military transport exited the city proper and into the apple orchards towards the mountains.
The monks flew alongside the speeding vehicle with the pegasi guards.
"You guys are really fast," one of the guards said flying next to the minotaur. "You want to race once I'm off duty?"
"I'd be happy to," he smiled. "I'm Seigo."
"Ice Breaker," the pegasus smiled back.
Goku had his face smushed up on the glass making a pig nose.
"Wow, this place kinda looks like home."
"Yes. When the previous daimyo came with his followers," Lord Mutaito said, "they made their farms here on purpose. I was truly surprised so many came. The beast must have had some good qualities before his correction."
"Correction?" Shining Armor asked.
Mutaito kicked Tao in the head when he began to stir. He was tied up with ropes in the middle of the floor.
"A failed student who used his limited skill with ki for evil. A bandit who ruled a territory by brute force and was recognized as a warlord by the emperor who did not care for such a distant land that had so little rice potential. When the fire happened, it was seen as judgment from the gods."
"Wait…" Goku turned around. "Are you talking about the Ox-King and Mount Frypan?"
"Did a similar thing happen beyond the mirror?" Kame asked.
"Yes, in fact, Ox-King and Grandpa Gohan were students of my Roshi. He put the fires out and did the correction. My family lives there."
"Does he still live?"
"Yeah—" Goku's excitement to talk disappeared. "Is… is he dead?"
"Yes, while he did well to protect the beings in his territory and refugees from the capital, the former daimyo still bowed to Sombra of his own free will. While doing so kept the autotomy of the region, it left a lot of ponies bitter. Shortly after the empire's return, a ronin came as a hired guard for the new merchant clans trying to make connections to long lost relatives. Being originally a criminal gang, the strongest ruled. So, anyone could challenge him for his title."
"And his daughter?" Goku asked.
"A brute. Hardly a cow. Unmarriable by any civilized being. Like her father, she would only marry whoever defeated her."
"And this ronin did both?" Shining Armor asked.
"Yes."
Goku hid his face out the window. "The ox-princess I know is the one of the most stubborn and bull-headed women I know. She even made me get a driver's license even though we can all ride the kinto'un."
"A what?" Shining Armor asked.
"Yes, the princess did have that ability. She has not been seen riding one since her defeat." Lord Mutaito said.
"They say she's become so addicted to dick, she's lost all her sanity. She serves her husband like a—"
"Kame!" Mutaito shouted.
Suddenly, the window Goku was looking out cracked.
The vehicle arrived at the palace and was greeted by tall beings with samurai armor.
"Hi," Goku smiled, being the first to step out of the vehicle. "We're here to meet the daimyo."
The samurai did not react well to the casual attitude.
"And who the hell are you to be so disrespectful?" one shouted as they all popped their swords up with their thumbs.
"HE," Lord Mutaito stressed as he stepped out, "is the emissary of the Kais from beyond the mirror. I'm sure the servants of Furaipan-jo are well informed of what has transpired the past two days."
The samurai looked upset but immediately bowed. "Greetings to the emissary and the Khen Rinpoche."
"Announcing the arrival of Prince Shining Armor!" Flash Sentry shouted as the two rounded the back of the vehicle.
It was not missed by anyone that the samurai stood straight.
"You brought the prisoner and to negotiate punishment," the samurai from before spoke. He turned to the side. "Follow me."
Goku strode ahead of the samurai while still carrying the colossal pony over his shoulder.
"You act like you know the way," the samurai gave him the side-eye.
"Yeah, this place looks identical to Gyumao-dono's house. We're headed to the throne room in the omote, right?"
"You served the demon emperor?"
"No. Our families were close friends. The first time I met him as a kid was when I had to tell him Grandpa died. He didn't take it well…"
"That should have been your father's role."
"My parents were killed when I was a baby. I was raised by Grandpa."
"…My apologies to the family head of your clan."
"Don't worry about it," Goku said, but his smile did not return. "I was told this world's Ox-King died a year ago. What was he like?"
"All the vassals of the previous daimyo have been replaced," he said curtly.
"So, there's no one here I know?" Goku said. "That's too bad. It would have been nice to see more familiar faces."
"The demon emperor?" Shining Armor interjected.
Goku scratched his nose. "Yeah, well. He was really vicious when he was pissed off when I was younger. But he's an awesome ruler. I take one look at all that paperwork on his desk and my eyes cross. The parties aren't much better. I got dragged to the capital for a big thing with all the other lesser kings and other leaders. It was nice seeing the high king again, but after a while I just snuck out the bathroom window and climbed down the tree. The princess was PISSED, but Gyumao-dono just laughed."
Lord Mutaito sighed. "One of the only good qualities the previous daimyo had was bureaucratic work, when he wasn't a raging mad male. He knew how to run a han and despite hoarding the majority of the wealth for himself, no one truly suffered like they did under his original reign across the sea. The fact the late princess visited often most likely had the majority of the effect."
Goku looked back at Mutaito. "You can't just accept he learned his lesson and improved himself?"
"I knew him since he was young. He never changed nor saw the reason to. I don't know what prompted such a shift in thy world. But no such thing happened here. We art imperfect copies. Remember the divergent fates of the being on your shoulder as we enter the throne room."
Shining Armor noticed Goku take a sharp breath and let it out through his nose.
Goku led the group outside the walls. He stopped and looked around.
It was a dead garden. Brown grass or bare dirt, wilted flowers, a leafless tree, and a not-so-zen zen garden with a broken rake.
"Who wrecked the garden? This was his wife's garden."
"This is a recreation of the garden from the original Furaipan-jo," Lord Mutaito corrected. "The new daimyo has left it uncared for."
"Uncared for? It's DEAD. Not overgrown. DEAD. He even emptied the water from the stream. He needed to deliberately close off the water pumps."
"The great daimyo is going to completely remodel the castle," the samurai said.
While they argued under the dead tree, a pony in scholar's robes with a beaded veil ran over. "What are you doing? Arguing with the guests!" He bowed. "Welcome to Gyuui-jo. I am—"
"Wait," Goku interrupted. "Why did you just call this place Ox-Boar castle?"
"The new daimyo has renamed the castle to signify the beginning of his Greatness' new dynasty. Has that not been understood and recorded by the imperial palace?"
Goku looked at Mutaito, closed his eyes and nodded his head.
Shining Armor also understood the unspoken insult to the new daimyo. "I am Prince Shining Armor. This is the first time I am hearing this."
"Truly? Then it must be dealt with. But as I was saying, I am Minister Gin. It is an honor to greet the emperor, the great lord of the temple, and the holy emissary."
"Ah, young Gin," Lord Mutaito said. "The son of Tomi the great merchant and younger twin of Kin. You've done quite well for yourself since you entered the country only 14 months ago. To be second in this great han to only the daimyo at the age of 42."
"Yes," he beamed at the praise. "When our mercenary took it upon himself to slay the demon emperor, father leapt at the opportunities it created." He turned around. "Please follow me."
Goku tapped Kame's foot as they walked. He looked up and Goku pointed at his ear. Kame got on his hind legs.
"Is 42 really that young?" Goku whispered.
"How long do Rén live?"
"Seventy to eighty years."
Kame barely managed to stop his shout. He took a deep breath. "Ponies live for over 200 years. I'm only 63," he whispered back, "barely old enough to be taken seriously as an adult."
Goku looked him up and down in shock.
Kame shrugged and returned to all four hooves.
The scholar and Goku took different paths.
"Guests, follow me please," Gin chased after them.
Goku stopped. "Did he move the throne room?" Goku pointed in the direction he was headed.
"We need to lock the prisoners before presenting you to the daimyo."
Goku pointed at himself, "You including me?"
"Yes. We were informed you did offer yourself as a replacement to the prince."
"Alright," Goku turned and everyone went down the new hallway.
If everyone else would please wait here," Gin said, "Only the emissary and the prisoner need to enter."
"As co-ruler of this country," Shining Armor stepped forward, "I would like to witness how these ki-locks work. It is a gap our law enforcement needs to contend with as more beings travel to the empire from beyond."
"…Let me ask the doctors quick," Gin rushed inside.
Goku suddenly began to tremble and took a step back. He started to whimper.
"What's wrong?" Flash asked, alarmed.
"There's only one way that involves doctors…"
Goku was curled up on the floor hiding behind everyone as his worst fears were confirmed.
"Needles… Needles… Needles…"
"Ah-cue-puncture?" Shining Armor said slowly.
"Yes, it uses needles to block and redirect ki through the meridians using small needles," the eastern unicorn doctor said. "Painless and completely reversible."
"Then explain this!" Flash pointed at Goku now shivering and sobbing.
"Personal phobia perhaps?" the doctor mused. "But let's start on the unconscious one. You will see everything is fine."
His assistants took Tao and held him down, splayed out on his stomach on the table.
The doctor cast a spell and lines began to glow across his body.
"Are those the mana filaments?" Shining Armor said shocked.
"Yes. The spell however only marks them and does not induce hardening in any way."
An assistant put a box on the table.
The doctor opened it and began pulling out two to four inch needles.
Shining Armor and his guards winced as he began shoving them into Tao's body at seemingly random locations.
"Teng, go get a minotaur set for the Rén," the doctor said, pulling out a needle, revealing it was hollow and left a flexible wire sticking out of the flesh. The assistants began wrapping the protruding wires flat with bandages as the doctor moved from location to location.
After placing fifteen to twenty needles, the doctor stepped back. "Alright, hold him tight," he ordered the unicorns, "It's time to wake him up."
After the unicorn assistants strengthened their spells, the doctor put smelling salts under his nose while doing a healing spell on his head.
Tao began to gag, then curse and struggle.
"(Calm down. Taopaipai,)" Lord Mutaito stepped in front of him. "(Thou art at the daimyo's castle.)"
"(Why am I being treated like a common thief?!)" he shouted realizing he was pinned.
"(Prince Shining Armor tis mad over the damage to the building. Thou art being pinned as a sign of good will while the two bicker over any legal punishment thou might suffer beyond the temple. But if it will make thee feel better, Son Goku will be pinned as well and he tis currently sobbing like a baby. He seems to have a phobia of needles. Take petty comfort in his screams of terror.)"
Tao looked bitter. "(I look forward to it.)"
Tao was released from the magic and carefully got up.
Shining Armor noticed he was shaky, weak, and exhausted. He dragged his feet as the samurai guided him to the side.
The table was reconfigured for a minotaur, its sides lowered to make it thinner while grip bars were inserted for his hands.
"Son Goku," The doctor ordered. "Get on the table."
"Can't I just promise to be good?" he whimpered.
Ten samurai suddenly stormed into the room, katana drawn. "That will not be an option," said their leader.
Shining Armor immediately cast a protective bubble. "What's the meaning of this?!"
"The daimyo has ruled that the emissary's familiarity with the mirror's copy of his predecessor is a direct threat. He wants him nailed and shackled."
"The emissary of the gods nailed!?" Lord Mutaito shouted. "Are you insane? Or does the daimyo wish the whole nation to be sent to the deepest hells!"
Goku screamed and hid behind Shining Armor. He very unceremoniously clung to his back leg like a scared child.
The samurai looked stunned.
"He's severely scared of needles." Lord Mutaito said.
"What's the difference between pinned and nailed?" Shining Armor demanded.
"The ki equivalent of being turned to stone," Lord Mutaito said. "Used as punishment. Not containment!"
"He is a Rén," the samurai said. "Surely the favorite of the gods is strong enough for it to be no more tiring than a normal pin?"
One of the samurai came forward and placed a box on the table and opened it.
"Those are real nails!" Shining Armor shouted, seeing the thick pins about the width of a finishing nail. "I won't allow it!"
Another samurai walked forward and swung his sword.
The ponies thought he was just showing off until Flash Sentry's helmet plume fell apart at a clean cut and scattered on the floor.
"How?" Shining Armor's eyes widened. "You weren't even close to the shield."
"Remember where you are, pony," he said as the other samurai started to laugh.
"That's enough."
Everyone looked at Goku as he stood.
"I'll do it," he said through chattering teeth.
"This will be remembered," Shining Armor said as the group was led into another room at katana point.
The samurai laughed again.
"And what can you do about it?" one snorted.
Lord Mutaito punched Tao when he snickered.
In the other room, the doctor and the assistants were having a huddle.
"The magic isn't working," an assistant whispered in panic. "What do we do?"
"Get a chart and a knotted cord," the doctor said. "The license exam is to do it by hoof, isn't it?"
"What if we miss?"
"We pin all the secondary locations. Get the pin box back out," he ordered.
Back in the other room, everyone turned to the door as Goku started to scream.
The samurai laughed and began to joke. It did not take a translation spell to know they were mocking Goku.
The second door to the hallway opened. "The daimyo demands to see the visitors now without the Rén."
The group was led into a large rectangular room. There was an intricate lattice cutting off the far side of the room. The dais was on a wide platform surrounded by curtains. There was a long strip of fire blocking off the entire section from the rest of the room.
There were female minotaur servants lining the walls in the back half while more individuals dressed like Gin from many races filled the front half.
All the cows were dressed in gray robes and full habits, but Shining Armor noticed one had her horns conspicuously missing.
Gin immediately got on his stomach, stood, walked closer, and repeated two more times.
He stood next to the fire wall. "Kowtow and approach the daimyo!"
Shining Armor watched the monks and Tao do the same motion but stayed bowed in the center of the room.
"Kowtow and approach the daimyo!" Gin repeated.
Shining Armor and Flash Sentry glanced at each other, then Shining Armor gave a respectful western nod, then began walking forward.
Suddenly the floor in front of him exploded. When the dust settled it revealed a huge slash in the stone floor.
"Does the Equestrian usurper not understand Ponish?"
Shining Armor looked up and saw the curtain slashed in half. The rod finally failed and tumbled down revealing a standing minotaur in yellow striped eastern clothing and shaggy black hair with his sword drawn. Then he pointed the sword at the prince.
"I said kowtow, pony."
Shining Armor caught his breath and looked up from the hole. "I am Prince Shining Armor, co-ruler of the empire your lands—"
The minotaur waved his katana again.
The blast of wind threw his hair back and blew his cheeks out.
"Last I checked, you said all the old agreements are void. We stand as equals until I bow to you."
Shining Armor glared at him. "Big words for a ruler whose lands would instantly turn into tundra infested with windigos without our protection."
He laughed. "And what will you do? This place is square in the middle of the heart's natural range. You would have to abandon the imperial capital to fulfill your threat."
Everyone else laughed as well.
Shining Armor noticed much of it was awkward and out of fear.
He also knew he was right.
"You must be the daimyo," Shining Armor said.
He scratched the side of his head with the hilt of his katana. "I've been thinking… Shogun," he paused for effect, "would be more appropriate a title."
"That would need to be handled in negotiations at a later time," Shining Armor said. "Or did you think I would grant a title change without knowing its meaning or importance in your culture, Daimyo?"
The minotaur smiled and shrugged, "If you wish to delay the inevitable." He turned around. "Servants, move the curtains."
The rest of the curtains were drawn back to the sides of the room and everyone saw the dais properly.
The large, arguably gaudy throne had an enlarged armrest that currently had an even gaudier minotaur cow dressed in red and gold silks, every inch of her overloaded with jewelry and far too much makeup.
Then all the ponies' eyes widened as they looked on the wall above. A gigantic ax covered in blood was hung on the wall, and above it…
— was a taxidermied head of a graying minotaur.
The daimyo laughed again as he sat down. The cow then draped herself over him.
"I see you finally understand where you are. Welcome to the great lands of Gyuui, Nanban-uma."
Everyone followed his lead and laughed again.
The daimyo stopped laughing and everyone instantly fell silent.
"I will show my benevolence and forgive this insult by our ignorant visitors," he waved them forward. "Come stand with the monks. Monks, you may stand and bow your heads."
The ponies hopped over the hole and walked to the others in the center of the room.
Shining Armor looked at him, then glanced at the cow. "Princess Chichi seems quite happy in spite of the choice of decorations."
The cow sat up looking offended, but the daimyo held his hand up stopping her from shouting.
"Yes," he held his hand up and waved around the room. "As you can see, all of my cows are ecstatically happy." He then pointed at one, "Hornless one, come over here."
The cow walked forward, and Shining Armor noticed her right arm was stiff.
She stopped at the fire.
"Did I tell you you could stop? Come here!"
The ponies flinched as she walked through the fire without flinching. She did not try to extinguish the hems of her clothes and knelt at the bottom of the steps to the dais as her clothes smoldered.
The distinct smell of burning fur started to waft through the air.
The daimyo then pulled his robes aside, then his loincloth.
"Come here, zero."
She climbed the steps but stayed standing in front of him.
The daimyo sat forward annoyed. "Do we have to do this every time? Get down on your knees and pleasure your master, you stupid bitch." He raised his member with his hand. "Stick it in your mouth. You should know how to do this after a year."
The cow knelt and did as she was told.
The daimyo leaned back. "So, Shining Armor. You seem upset over something that happened at the lesson? Enlighten me to what you found so abhorrent."
"You are really going to have a meeting while 'this' is going on?"
"Yes. We are. Now, are we going to talk? Or will I be giving a lecture on the utter rudeness of foreigners coming into our lands and telling us what to do?"
"Your tribes are guests of the empire."
"And you are an equestrian usurper. The Crystal Empire is a bastion of reason, tolerance, and learning and has always been an ally of the middle empires. YOU are royalty of a kingdom that launched a war of total destruction then completely isolated and cut off the world from our nations when you failed in your attempt to kill every calf, foal, fawn, and chick. And it was Equestria that not only opened the mirrored road in the first place, but have kept it a secret that it has opened again. Tell me, prince, as an equestrian who claims to be able to see past their innate insecurities, what does this look like to you?"
"I can assure you Equestria has chang—"
"Bullshit. The leaders who condemned and led the invasion are still in power. Ponies live long enough that there are still probably ponies that were alive at the time still around, and even if they weren't, their children raised directly in their bigotry and hatred are definitely still around and are prime age to be in positions of power. The only reason your kingdom re-established contact was because the rest of the world's nations stopped caring about your little embargo and moved on generations ago."
He looked down. "Zero, lean back for a moment."
The cow stopped and leaned back.
The daimyo drew his wakizashi and brought the full force of its hilt to the top of her head.
She fell to the side at the impact.
"You stupid whore! Why am I feeling anger and stress during this meeting while one of my cows is fulfilling her duties?! How much more do I have to take from you? I've already sliced off your horns and ears! Should I cut off another limb, then? If you want to leave this room with both legs, I better not feel a single grain of anything but overwhelming pleasure."
He grabbed her head and shoved it between his legs.
He sighed and relaxed his shoulders as he put the wakizashi away.
Shining Armor glanced around the room as much as he could without moving his head.
Even with his limited view, he spotted a cow with half of one horn missing.
"Now, Let's continue. Gin! Show the usurper the documents."
The pony came over and presented the scroll to Shining Armor.
"'Notice on experiment on non-magical lighting's effect on structures,'" Shining Armor read the title.
"After the first few strikes," the daimyo began, "the repair teams noticed the damage did not match any known lighting patterns. So, the school decided to STOP repairing the damage and let it accumulate for study. This was given to us, as the han nor the temple would be held legally and financially responsible. You can also see that the university actively evacuated that building and the surrounding sidewalks for the inevitable falling debris when it eventually fell. You see from the imperial seal and signature, the empress was party to this agreement. Gin, the next two."
He pulled out the next two scrolls and Shining Armor took them in his magic as well.
"The first one is notice from the palace signed by both the Banking Oversight and the Lottery and Gambling Oversight departments that the thousand years sealed would not count towards interest on any accounts or money transfers. The second is the authorized list of betting pools the government of this han is party to. As you can see, there are eight regarding the experiment being run by the university."
The daimyo grinned, "And BOTH carry the modern seal of your dynastic family, meaning the palace legitimizes the previous agreement between the han, temple, and the palace under the previous empress."
Shining Armor rolled up all three scrolls and dropped them at Gin's hooves.
"This was all done by bureaucrats without higher knowledge or approval and can easily be overruled."
"May I remind you of the laws of this country that anyone can bring a suit of grievances against the palace? Any lawyer can tell you, you will have no case before a judge who would throw out your claim on its face. Of course, it is well within the rights of the palace to replace all judges and prosecutors and even launch investigations to disbar lawyers for any whim. You know, like when Sombra publicly executed the previous appellate and supreme judges and the leaders of the Imperial Bureau of Investigation.
"And who would you replace them with? The current ones are all survivors your government elevated after Sombra's defeat. You would need to bring in more Equestrians, wouldn't you? Who know nothing of our laws and customs. And judging from all the incidents the nation has been very publicly having with immigrants, tourists, and even those that came with you and your wife, how will that look?" He shook his head and tutted him like a child, "And you had such a good run of public opinion after you expelled the Magic Council."
"Your majesty," Vermarine Quartz whispered. "He is absolutely right on that."
"Do you know what else you've forgotten today, that has seriously tarnished your image? That this country has what's called a 'free press' that legally cannot be interfered with by the government. I know, a completely foreign concept to your Nanban-uma minds. Your little stunt of trying to shut down the interviews and arresting Tao did not go over well. Newspapers may be as slow as a pegasis can fly out here, but the communication boxes are instantaneous. Your and your fellow Equestrians' freakouts were broadcasted live to the entire empire, and you're being torn apart as we speak on every frequency. It's how I knew you were coming and got everything ready.
"Now going forward, this is what is going to happen. First, Tao will be unpinned and will go unpunished." He looked at Tao, "We already have a guest room prepared for you in the castle until the usurpers finish having their hissy fits and calf tantrums. Second…"
The daimyo paused, then glanced down. He smirked and rocked his hips.
The cow audibly gagged and turned her head.
She was immediately kicked down the steps. She landed with the sickening crack and almost rolled into the fire.
"How dare you try and spit it out!" he stood and stomped down.
He put his hoof on her and pulled on her right arm…
Which came completely off.
"A prosthetic?" Shining Armor gasped.
The daimyo began screaming in Neighponese, using many words the translation spell had no substitutes for, as he began wailing on her with the broken wooden arm. Its sharp, shattered end tore into the fabric of her clothes and habit. He also began kicking and stomping on her.
"Is he going to kill her?" Flash said.
"No," Mutaito said, daring to look backwards. "He won't give her the dignity of such an honorable death. She must die in a very specific way to save himself from disrespect."
They looked around and saw everyone happily watching, many of the officials laughing unprompted. Even the cows, normally frozen in place in the back, dared to smile.
"Everypony is enjoying this?" an equestrian guard asked. "I think Sombra wore off on you bastards."
Flash Sentry smashed his head into the ground with his hoof, "Shut it."
Shining Armor watched silently, noting the daimyo was making a particular effort to stomp and jump on her back.
"She has needles, maybe even nails in her back…" he concluded. He narrowed his eyes. "Inflicting permanent filament damage is outlawed under the Geneva Conventions."
While he was savagely beating her, an aide came up and whispered to Gin.
"My lord. My lord, the Rén is ready to be brought in." Gin said
He stopped beating her, turned slowly, and glared at him.
Gin yipped in fear and backed away.
He tossed the broken arm behind the trellis to the shouts of whoever was back there.
"Kneel at my hooves, whore!"
The princess put the back of her hand to her mouth and laughed as the daimyo sat back down.
The servant knelt with her back straight and head bowed to the side of the bottom of the steps to the dais.
"Bring him in," he ordered.
Goku was led in.
He was without his shirt, bound with cloth wraps and a leather harness across his bleeding back. He had thick shackles on his wrists and a metal collar on his neck with a long chain being held by a unicorn in armor, their curved back horn showing their Eastern ancestry.
"That's not Chichi," was the first thing out of Goku's mouth after he entered the room. "Wait. Yajirobe? Why are you sitting there? What's going on?"
"That's Yajirobe-dono, Rén!" Gin shouted.
"Silence!" Yajirobe-dono shouted. The daimyo leaned back in his chair again. "Bring him forward."
Goku walked forward, leaving the pony with his chain playing catch-up.
Goku kept a neutral face as he walked forward, his eyes glancing up occasionally at the decorations above the throne.
Goku stopped next to the others.
Shining Armor couldn't put his hoof on it, but something about Goku was making the hair on the back of his neck stand up.
"Don't stop there, come forward," Yajirobe-dono said again.
Goku walked forward again.
"Stop there."
Goku stopped.
"So, I've been told you said that fossil of an old bull is still alive on the other side of the mirror and you serve him? So tell me, how do you know the other me?"
"I don't 'serve' Gyumao-dono. My grandfather and him grew up together. They were like brothers. My house and property were a wedding gift from him. That's why I live in his territory." He smiled, "Though it does border what I already owned from Grandpa Gohan. He basically gave me everything between his house and grandpa's house."
"I see…" Yajirobe-dono said, not happy with the answer. "And where did your clan hail from?"
"Mount Paozu."
"What part of Mount Paozu?"
"No," Goku said confused. "I own Mount Paozu. The entire mountain and the surrounding forest. With my wedding gift, I own everything from the daimyo's royal forest northeast of Mount Frypan to Keilin Village."
"That's larger than the Crystal Empire!" Tao shouted before covering his mouth and shoving his forehead to the ground. "Forgive my outburst!"
"I see he favors you a great deal," he said, his frown deepening. "Will you inherit instead of his worthless daughter?"
Goku glared at him, "Chichi is not worthless. And no. Everything will go to her then one of her sons. Gods, the idea of all that paperwork makes my head hurt."
"So she's a whore who had children out of wedlock? Figures."
Goku started to tremble. "Chichi has been happily married for a really long time to a husband who adores her and has two beautiful sons," he said harshly. "The oldest is a newlywed and they will probably be grandparents in the next few years." Goku gives a fake smile. "Which is really weird to think about," he says nervously. "I mean, grandparents are supposed to be old people, right?"
"How old is the old tyrant and his young cow across the mirror?" Yajirobe-dono asked, surprised.
"Gyumao-dono is in his 80s and Chichi and her husband are in their 50s."
"Then we are imperfect copies of each other…" he leaned back comfortably. "Our world's cow is still well within her breeding years."
Goku looked above the throne. He formed his fists and his shackles started to rattle. "Yeah," he looked back down at him. "Gyumao-dono's beard did not start to turn gray like that until around my son's tenth birthday. So you guys are all like… 20 years younger, huh?"
Yajirobe-dono started to laugh. "No… not twenty… by the Kamis. I can't believe any version of that wench married at a respectable age!" He then tapped a blue crystal on his right armrest.
The floor under Goku and his shackles glowed blue. "Woah!" Goku shouted as his hands were pulled to the floor.
Everyone blinked at Goku's surprising flexibility.
"So…" Goku bent his head to the side trying to see while bent in half. "If you wanted me to kneel, you could have just asked."
"Yes… kneel…"
Goku bent his knees and plopped down.
"Better?" Goku grinned.
"Yes… Better."
Goku bowed his head and started to chuckle. "You know… King Kai REALLY warned me about being diplomatic and me just being my normal nice self wasn't the same thing…. but I can't take this anymore…" He looked back up, face full of rage. "Where is CHICHI?! She is your WIFE! Just because you did not marry out of love does not excuse you from your responsibilities as a husband! How dare you! How dare you parade yourself around with another woman! That should be Chichi next to you! Not that zeni store geisha!"
"What did you just call me?!"
Yajirobe-dono shushed her again.
"So," he leaned forward, "You are pretty convinced this is not the princess with me. Why is that?"
"While talking with the monks, I heard that this Chichi can ride the kinto'un just like my Chichi. That means that they have the same personality." He glared at the cow, "And the sacred beings would never allow someone as vain as whoever she is within a thousand kilometers of them."
Yajirobe-dono learned back smugly. "A man rules his harem, and a cow's position varies depending on how much effort she puts in and her husband's whims. And right now, I like this one." He looked at her. "Let me see your ear tag."
She bent over and he grabbed a piece of wood that had been hidden behind the large mass of earrings and hair pins.
"Number 59." He waved his hand. "Go back to looking pretty."
She sat up and retook her pose draped over him.
"You are one dangerous male. Loyalty by oath and loyalty to the land is one thing. But your loyalty is emotional. And if your grandfather was like his brother, that makes you his nephew. Maybe that's why he allowed an unrelated male around his daughter. Her husband must be very tolerant of you as well; you clearly have strong emotions towards her as you've dropped the proper honorifics. And you dare lecture me on loyalty to a wife?" He waved the cow off, then tapped a red gem on his throne and the center strip of the fire trench went out.
"If you treat both individuals from either side of the mirror as the same being, then so shall I. I'm going to love adding you to my wall, emissary," he said, standing and drawing his katana. "Right next to the demon you so love."
Mutaito pushed Kame's head down when he went to shout.
"We need to stop this," a guard whispered to Shining Armor.
"If Goku and Mutaito aren't panicking, there's no reason to panic yet," Flash Sentry interrupted. "Now stay in formation. The prince's safety is all that matters here."
"He's right," Vermarine Quartz whispered. "Besides, you saw a simple foot soldier cut through a magic shield. How do you expect us to intervene in the first place? Even if everyone else here dies, all that matters is getting Shining Armor out of here alive. Stop being a bleeding heart, Equestrian."
As Yajirobe-dono continued to brag as he walked down, Goku got a good look at the back of the concubine at the bottom of the stairs.
"Chichi…" he said softly. Goku closed his eyes. "Hey kasan, what's wrong?" he muttered.
Yajirobe-dono put his katana in front of Goku's face. "Are you even listening to me?"
Goku suddenly opened his eyes and leapt forward. He broke his blue shackles and dragged the samurai holding his neck collar chain across the floor, knocking Yajirobe-dono off his feet.
Goku ran up to the kneeling cow and grabbed the back of her shirt.
And tore it off.
Across her back was a lattice of iron and leather that looked to be strapped across her entire body. He ripped the leather and pulled it off.
Suddenly the cow made the first sound she had made the whole time and began pulling at her head with her only hand. She pulled her head covering off and began grasping at all the needles riddling her neck and head.
Goku threw the harness across the room and helped her by pulling the part of it that was still strapped to her arm off. Her fingers stopped flailing wildly and she was able to begin to grasp the needles and pull them out.
Shining Armor got a look at the harness and the bloody scars on her back.
"Those aren't needles. They're knives!"
The samurai charged at Goku, who tossed them back on their butts with a wave of ki but did not send them flying.
The light, gaudy cow on the other hand went flying and hit the wall, knocking both the ax and the mounted head down. She ran away.
Yajirobe-dono stood up. "Seems you still have some access to some ki despite the bleeding nails across your back. This will make my defeat of you even more legendary." He raised his katana. "Take your stance, Rén."
Goku sighed and stood sideways.
"You're not lifting your arms?" he asked.
"I currently have nails in my back," Goku shot back.
Yajirobe-dono leapt forward.
Goku spun around and punched him in the face as he appeared behind him, sending him and his sword sprawling across the floor.
Goku revealed the wakizashi in his other hand and snapped it, wooden sheath and all with his hands. Then he picked up the katana, snapped it in half, and tossed it away.
"How?!" Yajirobe-dono crawled backwards on his back.
"My Yajirobe is famous as Yajirobe the Coward. If he's going to strike, it will always be from a blind spot and never head on. And also…"
Goku paused, then appeared next to him and stomped on both his legs with a satisfying crunch.
"…you really need to work on your after-image technique."
Shining Armor and his guards looked between the two Gokus until the first vanished like a ghost.
"And what the buck was that?!" Flash shouted. His eye twitched.
"After image. Makes a copy of you then you move out of the way," Goku said, stepping over Yajirobe-dono and walking over to Chichi-hime, who was working on getting the second bracer off her left leg with her teeth and hand.
He knelt down and undid the wraps and buckles. "You did a good job getting your other leg free so quickly," he said gently. He grabbed it and the one she already took off and tossed it away. Then he took the cut curtain cloth and put it over Chichi-hime's naked body. He lifted her bridal style, "Let's get you to a hospital."
Chichi-hime hit his shoulder repeatedly.
"What?"
She tapped his forehead.
He closed his eyes. "Ok, what is it?"
"WHAT?!" he shouted, opening them. He looked between her and Yajirobe-dono several times. "No! You can't! Vengeance doesn't solve anything!"
Yajirobe-dono started to laugh. "Did she just ask you to let her kill me? She can't. She's wasted away so much she can barely walk! And she thinks she can lift anything? Her hand can't even close properly! It will just fall through her fingers. BULLS!"
Gin suddenly returned to the room. No one noticed he was gone.
Then the rice paper walls exploded as the room filled with samurai.
"There are over a thousand warriors in this castle loyal to me! The daimyo! One word and everyone dies! This room! The dungeons! The town! The city! Oh yes, my beloved has my seal with its communication stone. One word and everyone who came with me into the empire will attack everyone who stands in my way!"
"My city guards will stop it!" Shining Armor shouted.
"With what?!" He rolled over to look at Shining Armor. "Magic is useless against ki! Even your precious Crystal Heart failed in front of the whole empire! No! In front of all magic kinds! Monks! Kill Son Goku and the princess for attempted murder of her husband! Bulls! Take the Nanban-umas!"
The samurai moved.
Mutaito sighed. "Everyone, surround Son-san."
The monks hesitatingly moved.
"Oh come on guys," Goku stepped back.
"But leave the prince as intact as possible! I need him to sign the treaty naming me shogun before I add his head to my wall as well!"
"Sorry, Son Goku," Lord Mutaito approached Goku on his hind legs, "But death tis the only way a daimyo's orders end in this han. Monks, hold till my signal."
The guards circled around Shining Armor.
He looked around, then cast a shield that expanded through the room. It passed through the samurai with barely a tickle. They started to laugh and walked closer.
"I think you need to try another spell," Flash Sentry said.
"It's a dampening spell! We can't let them give a signal to start a massacre in the city! Ponies, you are the finest this land has to offer. Even if magic fails us, we still have our hooves! And if that fails, our teeth! Protect the empire!"
"Oh ho ho, we still have our teeth?" Yajirobe-dono mocked, laughing. "You think you're all bloody meat-eaters?! Are you trying to assassinate me with laughter?!"
Tao suddenly attacked Goku, aides having unwrapped and pulled out his needles. Goku tossed Chichi-hime behind him.
"Stay behind me!" he shouted as he parried a hoof.
Lightning shot through his body. He screamed.
"Not only are you nailed, but now you have your precious metal putting it directly into your ki channels! You're helple—"
Goku kicked him through the ceiling. "Sorry bud…" he said, looking up into the hole.
Goku looked around the room. The samurai and the ponies were fighting katana to hoof. That one crystal unicorn Goku couldn't remember his name, something Quarts, after a magic blast did nothing to the armor, literally pulled the tatami mats from under them allowing the others to jump them and pound them into the floor. The three other unicorns followed his lead, pulling rugs and throwing anything they could grab at them. Samurai cut down the partition walls and the mats now being thrown at them, rolled up or otherwise while being bucked in the chest and back.
"My leg!" one samurai shouted as the aides and advisors ran screaming.
The cows however did not move from their spots even as the room disintegrated around them.
The samurai realized this and began grabbing them and throwing them between them and the ponies.
The samurai began to overwhelm Shining Armor and his guards.
"Hold thy position," Lord Mutaito shouted again over the noise of the battle behind him. He tilted his head. "Well?" he said, frustrated, nodding his head behind him. "Art thou just going to stand there, emissary?"
"Huh?" Goku dropped his hands, slightly confused.
Mutaito's face twisted into rage.
Goku jumped back scared. "Ah! Scary wife face."
He began tapping his front hoof impatiently.
Goku awkwardly pointed at the fight behind them.
Mutaito tilted his head in the opposite direction while continuing to glare at him.
Goku put his hands up in prayer. "Ok. Ok. I get it. Just put away the Chichi face." Goku awkwardly fast tiptoes past them.
A samurai went flying through the air, tipping over the throne and continuing through the wall.
He sighed. "Monks, hold…" he said again.
"Traitors?!" Yajirobe-dono shouted. "Wait, how are you doing that? No! Stop!"
"Hold," Mutaito said again.
Behind them, the samurai were all unconscious while the ponies caught their breaths. "Goku! Stop any other killings in the castle!" Shining Armor shouted.
"On it!" Goku suddenly vanished in a small gust of wind.
Shining Armor looked around. "Stop! What are you doing?! Stop her!"
One unicorn tried to grab her with his magic while Vermarine Quartz did not even bother and grabbed debris to throw.
Mutaito spun around. A glowing wall formed blocking both attempts.
"Monks, hold," he said again.
This time the monks turned around.
The ki wall became so thick it became almost opaque. Shining and the guards had to shield their eyes from the brightness as Yajirobe-dono started to scream.
"I'm back!" Goku said coming back into the room several minutes later. He had the gaudy cow unconscious in his arms. "Sorry I had to knock her out. I didn't know which thingy was the phone— What the hell?!" he dropped her and ran over to Chichi-hime crying on her knees on the floor next to her father's ax.
And the mangled mess of flesh and yellow and black striped cloth.
"I said not to kill him?!" he shouted.
"While I respect you as an emissary," Mutaito turned to him, "you are naïve."
"I've killed thousands of people! This was completely unnecessary!" Then he spotted one of the huddled cows lift one of the samurai's dropped swords.
Goku ran and snatched it before she killed herself. "What are you doing?!"
"We're all concubines…" another stuttered. "We are supposed to die with our lord."
"Yes, don't stab yourselves," Mutaito scolded. "Wait to be strangled with silk like you're supposed to."
"What? No!" Goku shouted. "No one else is dying today!"
"Give us back our honor!" another shouted. "We have to die! Please let us die!"
Some of the cows began to cry and beg. Others stood and shouted. One grabbed a sword and swung at Goku, who caught the blade between his fingers.
He sighed, then gently knocked her out.
While to everyone else it looked like Goku did not move, the rest of the cows fainted.
He sighed, "Ok that's taken care of for now…" Goku turned around. "Prince, the dungeons are full of people with blades in them like Chichi. We need doctors. Lots of them. Some are really bad." He started to whimper, "And can someone please gently get these out of me… I don't have to be cool anymore, please get them out." He started to shout and went into another panic. "Get them out! Get the needles out of me! Get them out! Get them Out! Get them out!"
"Alright, calm down, Son Goku. Seigo!" Mutaito ordered.
"Yes, my lord." The minotaur walked over and began undoing his wrappings and harnesses.
"They really did almost everything to you, didn't they?" he said, pulling the nails and needles out. "And you still moved like the wind. Rén are truly terrifying."
"Yeah… let's just stick with that story…" Goku whimpered.
Shining Armor grabbed the cut curtain and wrapped it around Chichi-hime. "I believe by the laws of this land, you have reclaimed your throne, daimyo. Let's announce the good news to the castle."
"Don't!" Mutaito shouted. "If you care about her, don't!"
"Why?"
"Because a female cannot inherit property and titles. Declaring her the daimyo will only cause rebellion in the entire populace and every male in the han and the free district will come after her again. In her state, even a prepubescent colt could take her and become husband and daimyo."
A crystal guard spoke up. "And remember, her father joined Sombra. Everypony in the empire knows it. Reinstating her family will not go well."
Shining Armor sighed, "Then what do you recommend?"
"Announce you killed him and take the throne," Mutaito said
"What?! I can't do that!"
"Then have one of your single guards take the credit and her as his wife. You can adopt a teenage son from one of the advisors as heir."
"I'm not going to do that either!"
"Then how do you plan to protect her?! Lock her up in your palace? Even prisoners in the dungeons have water given to them. What's to stop something else being given to the Demon Emperor's daughter?"
"I have faith in my ponies."
"You have faith in Equestrians. This is the Empire."
"He's right," a crystal guard said. "You've had a thousand years of peace and happiness while we've had a thousand years of darkness and fear. I protected you as my duty. If it was only to protect her, I would have refused. And so would thousands of others."
Shining Armor faced him. "Would you participate in her murder?"
He paused. "I will give my resignation once we return you safely to the palace."
Goku raised his hand. "Guys, stop. Don't do this…"
Mutaito turned around. "Then what do you recommend, emissary?"
Goku sighed, "Well…" he scratched the back of his head. "He did say in front of everyone that it did not matter if it was mine or your version of the person as long as it was the same guy, right?"
"You would bring one of the Ox family heirs over here?" Mutaito said, but he could not hide his smile. "I can tell you right now it will have to be her husband who comes over, even if it is only temporary until a bull is found to take the princess's hand and the throne."
"Just tell me, how did you figure it out? I know you know, now…"
The moment you said you were a Son of Mount Paozu back when we first met. This world is opposites, after all."
"Did Grandpa not adopt any kids?"
"Gyumao-dono killed his rival, Son Gohan, before he fled and became a bandit in the mountains. Your reactions in the vehicle only confirmed it."
Goku sighed, and everyone's eyes followed him as he walked up the smashed-up dais.
"Kais, I HATE pulling rank," he said, putting the throne back in place.
"You are actually the Ox-Hiko Goku-kun?!" Kame shouted in disbelief.
"Yeah… he's my dad…" Goku said walking down. "I don't remember, but apparently when I was little, Gyumao-dono asked me to marry kasan and my response was 'Sure. What flavor is it?' And that was taken as a yes." He chuckled awkwardly, "I didn't even know I was the groom until a few days before the wedding."
"Then you did not marry for love like you screamed at the ya-robe-ee?" Flash asked.
"No," Goku said picking up the ax, "Once the shock wore off, I was fucking excited. I would have skipped down the aisle if she wasn't the one to walk towards me."
Goku knelt in front of Chichi-hime, "And I am going to take care of you until we find someone I can walk you down the aisle to, ok?" he said as he grabbed the freshly severed head by its hair.
Goku walked slowly up the steps, the bloody ax as wide as him swung over his shoulder and the severed head still dripping. When he got to the top, he flipped the ax and drove the horns of the blades into the stone so it stood upright on his right and placed the head down below the armrest to his left. He turned around and sat.
"So," he slapped the armrests with his palms. "Try and look big and scary for when we bring all the servants back in, right? Then the big ass ceremonial feast in a couple days?"
Shining Armor punched himself in the side of his head. "Celestia, what am I doing?! Someone! Start gathering their weapons! Someone else! Contact the palace! Say there was an attempt on my life but Goku saved me. We need reinforcements! And get the story to the press!" He pointed at Goku, "I want this image on the front of every newspaper and picture theater!"
Chichi-hime stood up and slowly and shakily walked up the steps. She tried to stand next to the throne, but fell.
"Chichi!" Goku hopped over the armrest and tried to help her up. "Hey, what's wrong? …Your stomach?"
Goku unceremoniously flipped the curtain off.
"That's not piss! … No! I know what tampons are. That's not normal at all." He picked her up, "Hey! We gotta get her to a hospital, now! Someone fly with me!"
"Flash!" Shining shouted.
"On it!" he galloped out of the room.
Goku followed.
Then Kame ran after them.
"Kame! Seigo, go after him!"
The minotaur ran after him.
Goku was sitting in the hallway, hunched over and tapping his foot rapidly.
"Umm, we can feel that through the floor," Kame said.
"Yeah…" Flash said, "knowing you, that might be causing structural damage."
"Oh, sorry…"
Goku's thumbs started dualling like one was cursed by a wizard instead.
A doctor ran out of the room. "Get surgery ready! Now!"
Goku shot up straight.
"WHAT?!"
Goku was pacing so fast in the hallway, Flash was having trouble following him.
"Goku…"
"Let him be," Seigo stopped him as the wind blew his hair back and forth. "It's his mirrored wife."
Suddenly somepony teleported in.
"I'm here!" Shining Armor shouted. He got in Flash's face. "I was told she's in surgery. What's going on?"
"We don't know," he said. "She was rushed in after the first examination."
Shining Armor's mane began blowing back and forth for no reason.
"Goku is pacing?"
Flash nodded. "Goku is pacing."
The elevator opened down the hall and a nurse and Lord Mutaito walked into the hallway. She pointed down the hall and he nodded and trotted over.
"Our new lord daimyo is pacing back and forth?"
"Yeah…" they all said at once.
"SON GOKU!"
Goku slid to a stop as everyone in the hallway who was not familiar with the sensation began looking around.
"WHY IS THERE A NEW SOUL IN THE AFTERLIFE SAYING YOU OVERTHREW HIM WITH THE HELP OF YOUR WIFE?!"
"King Kai, I…"
"My, Lord God Kai," Mutaito stepped forward. "It tis my fault. When I realized the emissary was the Hiko of the Ox han, I manipulated the situation to avenge the murdered Gyumao-dono and rescue Chichi-hime. I have just been told the princess tis still in surgery."
"Surgery? Let me… Oh holy realms, Shen Long if I didn't have a halo, I'd summon you myself and give you a stern lecture. We will ALL talk about this later. I need to see if this soul even existed…"
The presence left. Leaving the hallway in dead silence.
"What the buck was that?!" someone finally shouted.
"Just a higher being shouting at his holy emissary," Mutaito said loudly. "His Divinity has left."
"What?!" several shouted.
The double doors opened and Chichi-hime was wheeled out.
Goku suddenly flashed in front of the bed. "Is she alright?!"
One of the doctors gently grabbed his arm with magic and pulled him aside so the bed could continue.
"The surgery was successful. She will just need to rest in post op then once she awakens, we will tell you."
"Oh thank gods," Goku fell to his knees.
Shining Armor strode up. "I want a full briefing on her injuries and the surgery," he said. "She did kill the man who tried to assassinate me."
The doctor's ears fell. "I wasn't told that was the circumstance… and in her condition?"
Shining Armor gestured down the hall, "Catch up with your patient. Once she is stable, bring whatever doctors need to come that will not jeopardize her care."
"Yes!" the doctor choked out. He ran after them.
"Goku-kun, I mean Goku-dono…"
Goku suddenly appeared in front of Kame, lifted him up by his shoulders and looked him in the eyes.
"Goku-kun, please. San if you have to. This is why I hate pulling rank. People stop being friends when they know you're technically above them. Call me anything else but -hiko, -dono, -sama, heck even call me a third-class clown or any other one of Vegeta's greatest hits." He began shaking him back and forth. "I'm just a wild mountain man who grew up in a small one room hut with my grandpa. I'm not above anybody. My first thought is to still find a tree for fuck's sake."
"Goku-san," Mutaito interjected, "Before thou shake out what little brains my poor subordinate has, I think thou should put him down gently and back up. And speaking of trees, thou haven't been to a toilet since this morning, have thee? Now that we all know the princess tis safe, this tis the perfect time to take thy break before she wakes up."
"Oh…" he dropped him. "Ok…"
Mutaito trotted through the group to the desk at the intersection. "Excuse me, my friend needs to go to the stallion's room. Can someone guide him?"
"Yes, of course," the nurse came out from behind the desk. He came back over with Mutaito.
"This," he gestured at Goku, "is my friend."
"Alright, sir. If you would follow me, I will show you the little colt's room."
"Thank you…" Goku said lifelessly as he followed.
"Ok. Now that the emotion basket case is gone," Shining Armor said. "What do you guys know, in detail?"
"Nothing more than we said before," Flash said.
"No inkling of what the god said about checking if the soul existed or not when he checked out the surgery?"
"Nope…" Flash said.
Mutaito sighed. "I have been a monk since I was a small boy, and even I know what that means based on what we saw and heard at the castle."
"Yes," Saigo said. "I do too."
"We don't know anything about puncture needles," Shining Armor glared. "Or the use of blades."
"Do you not know what a tampon is?" Seigo asked. "You have a wife for kami sake."
"Equines don't bleed like that," Mutaito said. He sighed. "I pity the immigrants to Equestria if such things are not sold in stores."
"Would someone care to explain?"
"I believe a female nurse would be more appropriate," Mutaito said. He trotted back up to the nurses' station and whispered to one of the mares.
She blushed and looked back and forth between him and the group. Then she got up from behind the desk and came over.
"I was told you don't know… what a tampon is or its use?"
"Yes. Son Goku said the word in relation to Princess Chichi's bleeding leg." Shining said.
"Well…" she continued awkwardly. "I think it's best to find an empty room for this… conversation… Anyone who doesn't know and wants to. Please follow me."
Shining Armor, Flash Sentry, and most of the guards left.
"You're not going, Quartz?" Kame asked.
"I had a minotaur roommate in college who constantly brought cows back. I know about your race's mare's… … headaches…"
B-But how do you know, Mutaito?" Vermarine Quartz shuddered out after a pause. "I'm sure they didn't exist a thousand years ago."
Mutaito sighed. "I am in charge of the budgets for both the monastery and the nunnery parts of the temple. Modern conveniences art quite expensive, even in bulk. But if the nuns prefer them, I will not contradict them."