Chapter 1: Sin checks in

Rahab walked the streets of pride with purpose, making sure to avoid the worst of the fighting. It reminded him vaguely of rats scrabbling for scraps, these petty politics. It was as if these sinners and hellborn thought that they could somehow become an Overlord if they controlled this street or that stretch of land. The wars were constant, there was always some upstart or other with more ego than intelligence or common sense who thought that they would be the one to recreate the Radio Demons exploits or become the next Vox/Valentino/Velvette.

But outside those very rare cases, the true power in hell was very fixed. For most, Overlord was the highest one could climb, and that was true. But to scrape together enough power to claim that title when everyone above, below, and equal to yourself was gunning for you and the tendency for random disasters to strike meant that it was rare for Overlords to rise. And it took many years for one to be formally recognized as one. Rahab remembered when one had to survive the politics and backstabbing for 200 years before you got formally recognized. The exterminations caused the process to speed up significantly, but it still took a lot more than a few streets and a few days to make the claim.

Of course, that was as far as most could climb. For in the rungs above the overlord, there was Ars Goetia, the Seven Deadly Sins, and the royal family. The Ars Goetia were once fallen angels, seventy-two of Lucifer's allies and generals. Or they would have had the War in Heaven been a true war, instead of just a host of angels joining Lucifer after he was cast out. They lay with the natives of hell, and from them the houses of the Ars Goetia were born. And it was only by being born into one of the houses that one could gain their power, for the houses intermarried to keep the bloodlines strong yet avoid inbreeding.

Above the Goetia were the Seven Deadly Sins. Technically speaking both Lucifer and Rahab numbered among them, but like how Asmodeus was also a Goetia, the more powerful position superseded the lesser one most of the time. And Rahab was not a public figure, not really. All knew him as a supplier of goods, one who could get anything you wanted. But not a sin; all thought him an Overlord. He allowed the convenient explanation to go uncorrected.

Each of the original six were, technically, direct descendants of himself. When he had first awoken and tried to destroy the Powers (Rahab was the original not a mourning person) and so he spawned hosts of nightmares, each a demented weapon that would later inspire the works of mortal authors like HP Lovecraft. But the sins were his truest creations, not mere fire and forget weapons but generals for the hordes of monsters that would later become the natives of hell.

His memories of that long gone era were a mixture of nostalgia and horror. He remembered how Beelzebub was a Great Maw who ate entire angelic legions and flew like a comet in the sky. Belphegor was a Typhoon of Nightmares whose weather of emotions could drown angels in sorrow among so many horrible hates. Asmodeus was a grand winged serpent whose breath would induce sin into the hearts of all who felt it, and whose scales could weather the wrath of planets. Satan was a colossus of fire and ice, roaring hate as it bated angels from the skies. Mammon was a grand spider who crystalized all in his webs into a perfect stasis, electricity and data crackling as angels screamed before becoming things more still than statues. Last but definitely not least was Leviathan, a serpent whose coils could encircle a planet and whose venom could kill any being save Rahab and the Powers; though it would really, really, really hurt them.

Of course, they didn't remember that. No one but he did anymore. The angels forgot, suppressing their memories and reducing him to an ancient evil of the past and to the status of Boogeyman. The sins took on human form and gained minds, outright not having any memories of what they once were. But as his mind rambled he somehow got back to Hells political structure. Basically there was no way for the sins to gain a new member.

Then there was the royal family; the Morningstar's. Lucifer was a fallen archangel, and Rahab made hell for him. Literally, only the Powers or there equal could create a true universe. He also made the mortal realm, though everyone thought that it was the archangels or something. Anyway, he eloped with Lilith the first woman and the first witch. She must have eaten a really ripe apple or something because magic was never meant for mortals, it was the backdoor to reality, the source code of the universe. But she mastered it, enough so that she was easily Lucifers equal.

Of course, magic always had a price, and for Lilith it was infertility. She was barren, a cosmic stripping of a purpose she had rejected. Every child she had would be stillborn, and to make it an actual punishment her biological clock was put into overdrive. She would desire a daughter or son yet would only have corpses. The Royal Family would always be Lucifer and Lilith.

That is, until Charlie.

If it weren't for the fact that they were literally in Hell, her birth would be called a miracle. It was sure as hell given the deference, respect, and praise a miracle was given. The princess had the sins wrapped around her little finger from the moment they laid eyes upon her, Rahab included. That was why Rahab did what he did to Lucifer; namely showed him the truth. Rahab couldn't truly see the future, no one could; they could just see what was most likely to happen. Seeing the Sin of Pride corrupt his daughter and lead ruination to all in literally every possible timeline, however, made him act.

He made Lucifer realize just how shitty he was, destroyed the arrogance that made him a monster and ignited the embers of the old Morningstar, which allowed Charlie to truly retain her goodness despite being born in Hell. But Lilith, that was another story. Certain beings were simply too full of sin to be scared or influenced by that attack. Oh sure, he could simply annihilate them by ordering the sin to rejoin him, but he never did so. Either it wasn't any fun, or in this case would deprive Charlie of a mom.

So he subtly watched Lilith and made sure nothing hinky was going on. The fact that she split seven years ago and had shacked up with the Douche she literally left paradise to avoid was honestly unsurprising to Rahab. He'd taken her for a bitch the moment he saw her, and Luci could do so much better. If only he could convince Luci of that fact.

His plans to interfere in Lucifers love life were put on hold when a massive explosion of magic and chaos occurred in the near distance, pulling Rahab out back to reality. He idly noticed the trail of heavily injured demons he had left in his wake and the fact that he was choking one. Snapping the neck of the damn creature, he hurried to the hotel. After all, his dear beloved niece Charlie was there.

Charlie was her usual self, a bundle of energy and joy that could power a country and still have energy to do jumping jacks. She was enjoying the new help around the hotel when suddenly the doorbell rang. Charlie perked up even more, something that should have been impossible, and yelled, "This could be our first guest! Places everybody!" Husk and Alastor looked at each other with confusion as Charlie ran to the front door with both Angel and Vaggie taking their places from the many, many, many drills the princess had put them through. Nifty followed around because she was quite frankly a little murder gremlin.

Charlie threw the door wide open and said, "Welcome to the Happy Hotel!" A deep voice said, "The sign says Hazbin Hotel." Vaggie was about to yell at Alastor when her girlfriend's response caused the secret ex-exorcist to freeze, her ichor running cold. Those words were a cheer of "Uncle Rahab!" Vaggie started to stutter, "Uncle Rahab?"

No, it couldn't be, the one eyed fallen thought to herself. Rahab didn't exist or at least had been destroyed before the Garden was even an idea. He was the bogeyman of heavenborn, the monster in the closet and under the bed of angels. He could be here. He couldn't.

Vaggie turned and saw her girlfriend being hugged by a creature as tall as a seraphim was, double her height easily. His head was that of a serpent and he wore armor made out of ancient marine fossils, its pauldrons were ammonite shells and its chest plate a giant trilobite. He looked very intimidating, even if you didn't know the stories Heaven still spoke about Rahab.

He stopped hugging Charlie and entered, musing aloud as he often did, "Though I gotta say, the name makes it feel more real. Less like a semi-obvious trap." Charlie blinked and muttered, "Oh, I didn't think of that." Rahab looked around and said, "Well, don't keep me in suspense Charlie. Who is this beauty?"

Charlie came over to Vaggie, "Uncle Rahab, this is my girlfriend Vaggie. Vaggie, this is my Uncle Rahab. He's the only one of my family who actually encouraged my ideas." Charlie ran back over to him and gave him a tackle hug, "Oh I'm so glad you came!" Rahab chuckled and said, "Well I'm as good as my word. I said I'd come and see it, didn't I?" He then said, "Well, me and Vaggie are gonna have to talk about your relationship in private, if only to ease my own worries. But for now, show me around, give your uncle a tour."

Charlie eagerly chattered a mile a minute about everything, until Rahab noticed one of Alastor's additions to the hotel, "Is that a bar?" Charlie stopped dead in her tracks and was about to defend herself when he yelled, "That's genius!" This confused everybody, even Alastor and Husk, who had wandered over to investigate the hubbub, "It is?"

Rahab nodded, "Yeah, it is. What better way to show how far one has come than to offer them a drink and them to refuse the temptation." Alastor looked like he was ready to blow a transistor, his plot had already been ruined. A very little known fact was that the Radio Demon's soul was not his own. None but Alastor and Rahab knew that it was Rahab who could so easily pull the Radio Demons strings. It was from Rahab that all his power came, and should the anti-power decide the Radio Demon isn't singing the right song then he'd pull the plug.

Rahab muttered to himself, "You will need to make sure no sinners abuse this." He snapped his fingers and said, "I got it, make it so the alcohol is the only thing the guests have to pay for. Room and board should be free so long as the guest actively participates in redemption activities, excluding very good excuses, but alcohol will cost at least as much as it does in any bar."

Charlie clapped and jumped for joy, "That's a great idea" then stopped and said, "I wish I thought of it." Rahab waved dismissively, "Oh come on Charlie, you'd have thought of it eventually. I know you, and I know you're gonna be great at this. Everyone's bad when they start out at something." Charlies smile returned, slightly sad, but the kinda sad that faded quickly.

Rahab was then introduced to the other staff members, "And just today Alastor here became our facility manager and main defender." Alastor made hand motions, desperately trying to dissuade Charlie, but he was powerless against her positivity. Rahab turned and greeted the Overlord like an old friend, "Alastor, ya old Wendigo. How the hell have you been buddy?"

Alastor did his own radio cackle, "Oh, quite alright. I decided to come to this place to alleviate my boredom." Rahab chuckled, "Yeah, you're not the type to belive in good." Charlie was surprised, "I didn't know you and Alastor knew each other." Rahab chuckled and said, "Oh we go way back. I think we first met when he came here."

Rahab made a show of clearing his throat and said, "Charlie, I do belive I'm parched, where do you keep the soda around here?" Angel Dust cackled and said what he thought as always, "What, is the big bad demon afraid of a little drinky-poo?" He sauntered up to Rahab, ignorant of how both Husk and Nifty were desperately motioning for him to stop. The fact that Nifty, who had less survival instincts than the average gnat, was trying to deter Angel should have tipped the porn star off as to this being a stupid idea.

Grabbing the front of Rahab's chest plate the spider said, "How about a nice sex on the rocks." Rahab blinked and said, "You really don't know who I am do you." It wasn't a question so much as a statement of fact. He turned his head to Charlie and asked, "Dearest Charlotte, how important is this particular sinner to the project?" Angel clearly didn't realize what he meant and said, "Oh, you tempted?"

Rahab cackled and said, "Oh I'm tempted to literally break you and half and feed you to a hell hog." Fat Nuggets chose that moment to trot along, to Rahab's amusement. He wryly noted, "We even have a hell hog handy." Angel suddenly realized just how willing Rahab was to go through with the threat and wisely backed off.

Rahab sighed and said, "Please tell me your other guests won't be as, forward, as this guy." Charlie let out a nervous laugh; Rahab knew his niece very well and in a deadpan tone said, "He's the only guest, isn't he?" Charlie nodded and Rahab boisterously yelled, "Well, that's gotta change!"

Rahab dramatically declared, "I'm gonna throw my full weight behind this project, and I'm gonna start by getting some staff in here." He pulled out a Scorp-Corp hellphone (none of that Voxtech garbage for him) and dialed Frenchie, "Hey Frenchie, buddy. Yes, I'm at the hotel. No, I don't have the munchies. I'm gonna be staying here, and you're gonna be the chief. Get the glow up team ready to go. And bring poochy."

He clicked the call shut and nodded, "We will of course have to remodel this whole place, not just the sign. This place has a shabby chic vibe, which we simply can't have if we want people to come here." Charlie was excited, she and Vaggie had done there best but there was only so much a Nephilim and her girlfriend could really do on their own. Even Vaggie had admitted that the building could use a major redo, though the costs of a repair crew were astronomical due to it being Hell. Charlie asked, "When are they gonna get here?" Rahab held up three fingers, then two, then just one.

Into the hotel burst Frenchie and a bunch of construction demons burst in, Frenchie yelling, "Ok people, hustle, hustle!" The inhabitants of the hotel found themselves dodging various workers as a full on construction crew started renovating. Vaggie dodged a few rebars and girders and looked around for Charlie, hoping her girlfriend was ok (especially since nifty was almost pancaked at least twice by the workers, all on accident of course).

She found her girlfriend petting a very large and fluffy dog and squeeing at his cuteness, "Vaggie, look at how fluffy and cute he is!" The dog let out a "Borf" and honestly Vaggie couldn't help but agree. Rahab chuckled and said, "I see you met Poochie. He's a Lili, or well, there common name is Powercat." Poochie let out another "Borf" and Rahab nodded, "I know, its confusing. But he's the hotels new therapy animal."

Vaggie was confused, "I thought Powercat's looked like pigs with spurs on their feet." Rahab nodded and asked, "I didn't think a sinner from, um, I really don't want to be offensive. Where did you live in life?" Vaggie dryly noted, "El Salvador", while technically untrue her first life did take place in said country and she still considered herself a Salvadorian. Rahab continued, "From El Salvador to know what a Powercat is." Vaggie was just about to try and bullshit her way out of the trap he had put her in when he continued, "But to answer your question, Poochie here was experimented on to create the perfect service hound. But we shut that down for the Overlords cruelty." He pet Poochie when a work whistle sounded and the workers filed out. Rahab grinned in a manner like Charlie did practically every second of her existence, "I can't wait to show you."

When the inhabitants were outside, they were all gob smacked by what the crew had done. Even Alastor was notably wide-eyed. Rahab just proved Charlie was somehow related to him by yelling, "Ta-da!" He then said, "Well, what do you think?"

Vaggie knew that the architecture of the pride ring was at least 90% hastily cobbled together slums and at least half of it was on fire at any time; but this stood out like a sore thumb. Sure it was a lot nicer, but the overall look was fucking bizarre. On one side an ocean liner with an inexplicable mast of a sailing boat was sticking out of the building, while on the other the remains of the blimp used by Sir Pentious in his unsuccessful bid to destroy Alastor had been repurposed and lay above a carousel. The third floor roof had a railroad and old fashioned steam train was set. And a new tower was added to the top for Alastor's radio broadcasts, which looked to be barely getting power in spite of the rest of the hotel being lit up like a carnival.

Vaggie found her voice and said, "It's, um." Charlie yelled out, "I Love It!" Rahab laughed and said, "I knew you would." He looked over to Vaggie and loudly mouthed "Play along." It was at that moment she realized that her fear for Charlies safety with this guy was unfounded. Her fear for herself was still very much valid.

She vaguely noted that she and Alastor had been left alone with Rahab. The bogeyman of angels pointed at her and said, "You had better not hurt my dear little Charlie, or I'll make you wish you'd lost so much more than what you did." He then rounded on Alastor, "And if you dare try anything, you'll have your plug pulled faster than a stockbroker falling in the great crash." Rahab smiled again, "Alright, lets get to work. Souls to save and whatnot."

Vaggie was shellshocked, and Alastor wondered if he had bitten off more than he could chew.

Author notes

Ok, time for rambling notes

Vaggie being Salvadorian is a reference to her ethnicity before the reveal of her being an angel was outed. In this AU shes one of the winners who joined the exorcists.

Rahab comes in to the hotel just moments after the pilot ends.

Rahab's memories of the sins are there true forms. Said forms were mindless monsters, and they can't be assumed anymore. Each is based on a different god/monster from fiction

Beelzebub was the Great Maw from Warhammer Fantasy

Belphegor was Hegra from Exalted

Asmodeus was the true form of Asmodeus from 2nd edition dnd, but with some different powers.

Satan was the incomplete Ragnarök form of Surtur from god of war

Mammon was the Weaver from Werewolf the Apocalypse

Leviathan was Jormungander from Scion

The seven sins will be having roles in this fic, as will various helluva boss characters like IMP.

Leviathan will have a Scottish brough; and Rahab teasingly calls her Nessie. Since he's technically the dad of the Sins they allow him to treat them with some disrespect. She will appear in the next chapter, which has the events of episode 1.

I normally subscribe to the roo/eve theory and her holding Alastor's soul, but in this AU Roo was eaten by Rahab the moment she stepped in hell. It was like a guppy trying to intimidate a shark.