I was in my room, wistfully gazing over all the medicinal books I'd have to leave behind…. Behind when I was brought to the imperial city against my will. That's how my older Sister found me; my head only gently turned at the sound of the door opening. Pairin popped her head in while resting her palm on the wooden door frame. "Maomao?" She inquired and I said nothing, staring at her with sullen eyes. Seeing this, she sighed and quietly shut the door behind her.
"Oh, Maomao….. I'm so sorry." "It's not your fault. If the Emperor wants an apothecary for his Harem, then he shall have one," to hell with me or my freedom, am I right? But then, the Emperor doesn't seem like the kind of guy who's ever been too concerned with the rights of women. My Sister pursed her lips tight together, coming over to my bed. She proceeded to sit down beside me, clasping her hands on her lap. "How did he even hear about you? This is an Abbey in the middle of nowhere. I can't imagine how he…..?" But I cut her off with a soft shake of the head, closing my eyes.
"There's no point in feeling sorry for myself; it won't help anything. All I can do now is keep my head down and do as the Emperor says…. Then maybe he won't…. take a fancy to me," I hesitated to say. Pairin watched me a moment before also lowering her head solemnly. "You're right; there is no sense complaining, but I can't help but be worried about you. You've been purchased by the Emperor, the most powerful man in Ostania. He gets what he wants, if you know what I mean….." "I know what you mean, but don't worry, Sister. I'll do everything in my power to disway his attention… Heh, that's assuming I ever even meet him. The Emperor's got a whole harem of the most beautiful women in the country; why would he ever want someone like me?" "It's not just beauty that matters when it comes to the concubines in the Royal Harem. Intelligence is also highly valued," my Sister added and I nodded in agreement. "Oh I know that, but medicine and healing is a man's prerogative. I am the exception, and the only exception by the sounds of it. Otherwise, why would his soldiers have some so far out in the country just to find a healer?"
Pairin nodded, letting her eyes drift downward thoughtful briefly; I could tell she was mulling over something. When she didn't verbally reply, I put my arms back behind me to prop myself up with, glancing passionately back at my collection of books and other medical texts. This sad smile scribbled across my mouth.
"Heh, since I was a child, all I ever wanted to be an apothecary. I wanted to take holy orders and live the rest of my life here with you all, spending my days studying herbs, medicines, and poisons….. The thought of going anywhere else never once crossed my mind. I never wanted to leave…. And now I'm the first to be going, though I hope I'm the only one here in the Abbey… that's ever forced into slavery."
My beloved elder Sister eyed me distinctly again before forcing somewhat a reassuring grin.
"Life in the Inner Court may be fun! You'll have new exotic foods and all sorts of entertainment, and I'm sure the royal palace has every book ever written….." "There's plenty to read here…." I had to stop and take a deep breath in, steadying myself. My eyes shut and I inhaled and exhaled deeply, moving my shoulders and back as I did so. Pairin watched me again before smiling, stretching her fingers out to stroke a few strands of my hair.
"Be patient, Sister. All will be well. The Emperor will spare your life; you are the best apothecary in Ostania, after all. He'd be foolish to ever do anything to you," she cooed and I chuckled, closing my eyes briefly. "I hope you are right. All I want is to return to the Abbey one day unscathed- the sooner, the better." Her hand lowered down to take hold of mine, giving it a tender squeeze. And she herself chuckled, although with a hint of sadness.
"It's so strange…. You're going from an Abbey to a harem. Both are cloistered from the outside world in their own way." "The only difference is that I'm free here. I serve God and you all here at the Abbey of my own freewill. Now I'm losing that…. I'll no longer be a free citizen of this country once I'm dragged through those palace walls. I'll be a slave…. Who knows for how long," my eyes lowered miserably, as did Pairin's, who kept cradling my hand. Neither of us made a sound for a minute, until she grinned again, giving my palm another warm squeeze.
"You're right, this is your last night as a free woman. But remember, Maomao; the Emperor may own your body, but he can never own your soul. That will remain yours forever, so your freewill also remains….." This made me grin a bit, as my fingers wrapped around the back of her hand, but I stayed quiet, letting her continue to speak. I wanted to remember the sound of her voice so bad…..
"Use what freedom you do have to be virtuous and kind. Take a moment each day to remember those who love you, and God." "I will…. always," I promised. "Fast, pray, and be charitable whenever you can. And be courteous to the concubines in the harem; their lot is not an easy one…." "I know. I shall strive to understand them and learn to love them as my… my new Sisters…." I struggled to get out. But I did, and seemingly satisfied with this, Sister Pairin's head leaned in to give my forehead a kiss. Then she lingered close to me, letting the sides of our heads rest against each other momentarily. We sat like that on the bed, hands still clasped tight together.
"I'm going to miss you so much…." "I'll miss you too, Sister; you and everyone here at the Abbey," I breathed. "Perhaps there's a reason for all this; some sort of divine reason we're unaware of. Maybe there's somewhere you're meant to be, or someone you're meant to meet." "Perhaps….." She let out a long sigh, shutting her beautiful eyes again. "I'll pray for you…. I'll pray for your freedom. You may still have freewill, but we want you to return here to the Abbey.
I'll pray that the Emperor has the grace and mercy….. to give you the freedom you rightly deserve, so you can come back to us."