(Author's Note: I'm going to make Jinshi intentionally playful at Maomao's expense at first. This is for the sole reason of one of my favourite literary tropes, the girl changes the man by setting a good example for him. Jinshi may make fun of Maomao's religion and devotion now, but he will praying and fasting right alongside her by the end. This story isn't so much about Maomao but his religious awakening through her, and coming to see the error of the palace's ways through loving her and learning from her. It's ok if you hate him in the beginning, but I do promise that he WILL get better and make it up to her.
Enjoy!)
I'll never forget the first time I saw her.
I'll never forget the first time I saw him. The sound of the door being pushed open woke me up, and I groggily spun my head behind me to see the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. He too, was staring down at me like he was equally awe-struck to find me there. Our eyes immediately locked, our jaws dropping a bit….
And I don't think my heart had ever skipped like it did just then before.
It took a second for him to say anything, but when he did, his tried really hard to stable his voice. "W-What are you doing in here?" His voice… The sound of his soft, silky, sinful voice. My mouth opened on instinct to reply, but then the nobleman's works suddenly rang through my mind. "You will speak to no man outside the Outer Court without the Emperor's expressed permission." While we were technically inside the Inner Court, I didn't want to take any chances; the Emperor obviously fetishized my purity and I did well to keep it that way. Wait, the Inner Court…..?
That's when it struck me, violently so. Only eunuchs and the Emperor were allowed to enter the Inner Court. So that must mean that this man is either one or the other. This wave of horror swept over me as I stared up at him frightened. He's beautiful, and wearing very fine and expensive garments- could he be the Emperor? Uh oh…. But then, he didn't have any crowns or gold signifiers on. In fact, when I thought about it like that, his dress was quite plain for what I imagined an emperor to wear. That leaves the alternative then, that he's a eunuch….
But he's not a eunuch; even I could tell that from here. His muscles were too well-defined, his voice a bit too low when he wasn't paying attention to keep it high. I know all of these weren't exact confirmations, but…. I don't know. I could just tell looking at him, analysing the tone of his skin, the fullness of his body, even the glint of desire in his eyes…. This man, whoever he is, is no eunuch. But that means… Who is he? Perhaps he IS the Emperor, and he just dresses more informally to visit his harem. He's not coming here on official court business, after all…
His back arched upward, the corners of his mouth stiffening when I failed to reply. "I asked you a question," his tone was harsher and with a hint of more masculinity now. I flinted but continued to stay silent, terrified to make a wrong move. I wanted to confirm that this was the Emperor before I dared utter a word, lest it cost me my head. When I remained quiet, the anger from his face quickly dissipated, the lines softening. He beheld me like he was trying to work me out, uncover what was wrong with me, or the situation. That's when a familiar voice interrupted our staring contest, appearing from around the bend and gasping for air like he'd been running.
"There you are! Where have you been? I've been looking….." The nobleman's voice was cut off once he saw me there, sitting on the floor with my hair still covered and a wary expression on my face. He immediately frowned, narrowing his eyes onto me sharply. "What the….? What are you wearing?! You're supposed to be healing the princess and Lady Lihua? And why is the princess on the floor? Why are YOU on the floor? Get up!"
I brought my forefinger up to my lips in a "shush" motion, slowly getting to my feet. I knew I could talk to him without fear of repercussion, so I thought it was best to go through him first before addressing the other, beautiful man there alongside him. "Please keep your voice down, sire. They're sleeping," I whispered, and the beautiful man perked up, his eyes widening a bit. "So you CAN speak?" "What are you talking about? Of course she can speak. Wait… Are you telling me that she ignored you?!" The nobleman's head shot angrily toward me and I lowered my chin slightly.
"You told me not to talk to any man without the Emperor's permission," I explained timidly and he rolled his eyes exasperated. "You idiot! This is the Outer Court official; he's in charge of the Inner Court, and YOU! Of course you can and WILL speak to him when you're spoken to." My back straightened and my eyes enlarged. "O-Oh! I'm sorry, sire. I didn't know…. Erm, m-my apologies, my lord. Um, I laid the princess on the ground so she might get more fresh air than she would in the crib," I then explained to the beautiful man- those were the first words I ever spoke to him….
He watched me a second longer before arching his shoulders. All anger and annoyance from his face were now gone, replaced by confusion and curiosity. "I see…. So you take rules very seriously then, I'm to understand?" "Of course, sire, especially if they're from the Emperor." Both the beautiful man and the nobleman looked at one another once I said this, seemingly and silently communicating to one another. Then the former glanced back to me, trying to suppress a tiny smile. "You said she comes from an Abbey in the north?" "Yes, sire. From Redwall Abbey by the sea. That's the only place she's ever lived, which would explain that ridiculous veil," the nobleman frowned, but the beautiful man did not. Instead, he took a step towards me, looking upon me with more tenderness now. My foot slid back as he approached where I was standing.
"An Abbey, huh? I've never met a convent girl before. Most of the Emperor's apothecaries come from abbeys, but they're all men. You're the first woman to….." But he stopped himself from saying more. His chin tilted to the side as another secret grin crept across his lips, his eyes lowered a tad. "So you're the one I saw last night? Sneaking off to the temple….." He said and my heart skipped another beat. Oh no, he saw me; does that mean I'm in trouble? "I-I'm sorry, my lord….." My mouth said of its own accord, and he chuckled lightly. "Why would you be sorry? Gaoshun here gave you permission to go yesterday, didn't he?" Gaoshun? So I guess that's the nobleman's name. Of course, he let out another sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose again in frustration. "I said she could visit the temple. I never said she could spend the night there," his voice sounded so tired…..
The beautiful man closed his eyes and shook his head briefly. Then he looked me right in the eye again, standing very near me. "Well, no harm done. So long as you don't leave the Outer Court, its fine. But my apologies, it seems I just woke you up. Come, let Gaoshun procure some breakfast for you. You can eat in your room, where it's safe," he means where I won't catch what the princess and lady have. But I shook my head, sliding my foot even more backward, which he caught note of. My hands defensively rose up in front of me.
"N-No… No, thank you, my lord. I'm fasting presently." "Fasting?" He blinked perplexed and I lowered my head. "It's for mental clarity and the sake of the princess and Lady Lihua. Apothecaries fast… when they are healing." He blinked again. "So… you won't eat, then?" "No, sire. Not until they are better. It is God's Will, as he has given me the strength to fast in reverence to them and Him."
Gaoshun couldn't have rolled his eyes harder or more unimpressed. "You hear that? You hear the way she talks? This is the sort of thing that's going on outside the palace walls. These ludicrous religious ideas are infecting the population. If I had my way, the Emperor would do away with all abbeys and religion doctrine. It only distracts from the here and now," he spat and I was scandalised. Even the beautiful man could see that on my face, appearing torn on what he should do or say next. But I suppose it's no surprise that he sided with the attitude of the imperial court. He finally peered back to me, grinning again- more mischievously this time.
I didn't know at the time how bored this man was, and how he'd been craving a distraction, a purpose, a reason, a meaning for so long.
"Heh, Gaoshun's right. The court adopts more atheist views than the rest of Ostania's population, it would seem. But this may be fun; many women have been brought through those front doors and slowly conformed to palace life. I wonder how long you'll last….." He savoured this last sentence on his tongue, enjoying its delicious playful taste, and I frowned. My beliefs are not something that can be stomped out of me- he doesn't know who he's dealing with. I'm a daughter of God, after all. But I decided it was smartest to play along; he may not be the Emperor, but he seemed like a pretty powerful person all the same. Still frowning, my chin lowered one last time, my eyes growing harsh and unreserved. "My devotion shall never die, my lord. I do not need to live in an Abbey or take holy orders for that to change," I proclaimed resolutely, and his grin widened like it was a challenge accepted.
"We'll see. In the meantime, you are in my service. The Emperor has left everything up to me: your welfare, your safety, your clothing, nourishment, and other necessities, heh…. your discipline," he said with a hint of seduction and my scowl intensified. He was enjoying this a bit too much, and I couldn't figure out as to why. I mean… why would a high-ranking court official take any interest in a lowly apothecary like me? But he was, and he was enjoying it too.
Again, I had no idea at the time… how much he enjoyed talking to and being around me.
The beautiful man continued. "You are to obey me without question; the only one with higher authority over you is the Emperor. Do you understand?" This was a loaded question which he was revelling in and my fingers curled inward, my fingernails pressing into my palms. "Perfectly…. sire," I hissed and he went on, satisfied with this. "You will NOT leave the Outer Court for any reason. The only exception, of course, is at the Emperor's behest, but until that time, you will remain inside the gates. Understand?" "Yes, sire," I hate this. He has so much power and control over me… and he knows it. I'm just a plaything to him, something to be petted and passed around and ignored when it's convenient. I had to suck in a deep, stilling breath to calm myself down as he STILL went on talking in that arrogant, angelic tone of his. His grin widened in the corners, impishly so.
"I don't care what religious practices you do or how much you fast or pray; you'll give it up soon enough anyway. They all do. Just don't let it impede the quality of your work, got it?" "Naturally, sire," what a dick; he has no idea who he's talking to, who he's dealing with. "You are to report to Gaoshun if you require anything. And unless you have the Emperor's or my consent, we are the only three men you may speak to in the Outer Court. Understand?" "Yes, sire." He glanced upward, humming a bit to himself as if he was wondering if that's all there was. When he couldn't think of anything else, he glanced back at me, trying to repress a grin again.
"Oh, and one last thing, apothecary," he paused here because he wanted me to answer him, toying me around like a fiddle. "Yes, sire?" I played his game, only to placate him and end this uncomfortable interaction as soon as possible, which was obviously not his intention. "You may call me "Master Jinshi"," he smirked and I wanted to slap that gorgeous face of his. Master…. Sisters in the Abbey don't have masters; we serve under the Abbot and Abbess, who are definitely NOT our masters or mistresses. But I guess this all part of the royal palace experience; I'm sure I'm not the only slave to be utterly humiliated like this. My lips pursed together, my hands stayed in the form of clenched fists. "Yes…" was all I could get out at first, but he waited impatiently for me to continue, which I did after a second of praying to God, asking Him to give me the strength to deal with this monster in sheep's clothing- the most beautiful man I'd ever since or would ever see in my life.
"Yes, Master Jinshi."