A/N: I meant to have this up way sooner, but this was (obviously) another long one (8.9k exactly this time! LMAO!), work has been kicking my ass, and I also have an almost hilariously (cruelly?) coincidental quick anecdote! While working on this chapter, I had a (I thought) good friend of almost 7 years cut me off out of pretty much nowhere, so...yeah, that sucked. I was pretty pissed and devastated, to say the least, and thus, I needed to take a few days to myself to sort out how I felt. In the end, though I do hope we can be friends again in the future when she's in a better place, I do think it's for the best, and I've mostly made peace with it. On the bright side of that, I now know even more intimately how Naruto feels in this fic, haha ('cause from the start, I was always the one trying to save my friend from her own darkness), so that just gives me an even better perspective on how he's feeling for this fic! So hopefully that will help me channel even more realistic feelings into my writing! Still, apologies for the delay!
One particularly emotional section of this fic (you'll know it when you see it) was inspired by a review left here: "Naruto really is the only one that can understand how Rin felt, not just the death by raikiri, but the desperation that drove her to protect the village from the beast she now harbored. If his seal broke, Naruto probably figures he might very well opt for that, as well." (CREDIT: TigrezzTail! Thanks so much for the inspiration!)
Hope you enjoy this chapter!
It's over an hour later, nearly two, before Kakashi finally stops crying. Naruto only stopped just before he did.
Kakashi feels…lighter, like he can breathe easier, than he has in years, he's sure. So many. Maybe since…since he lost them. His heart no longer sends excruciating pain through him every time it beats, reminding him that theirs no longer can. He feels…free. Not entirely, of course—he expects the survivor's guilt to always be there, at least in some way or form—but…it's still so much better than he's felt in…forever. He thinks the last time he felt this unburdened was…back when he was a child with his father alive and well.
It only dawns on him then that he's still holding Naruto and vice versa. Both of them are much more relaxed now, but their holds on each other are still strong, tight and gentle at once, reluctant to let go and just wanting to be there. It's nice, honestly. Really nice. They know they can't stay like that forever, though, no matter how much they might want to, so they finally pull away after a few more seconds, though Naruto, as usual, doesn't hide his feelings at all on why he does so so slowly. "Your hugs are really nice, sensei…"
Kakashi blinks, heart stuttering while light pink dusts his cheeks. He's…never been told that before. Then again, the last time he hugged anyone was Kushina and Minato-sensei, and technically, they initiated it. A shy smile comes. "T-thank you, Naruto. And yours…" He softens in remembrance, voice following. He can't help it. "Yours remind me of your parents', protective and strong, yet warm and comforting at the same time. Of course, that's not to say they're not your own, too." His smile grows, and the adoration and respect in his voice are practically palpable. "That's where your love comes in. You have even more love in you than your father. I'd even go as far as to say you overflow with it." He chuckles. "Not that I'm surprised. You…" He melts, more than he thinks he has in front of anyone in forever, and it surprises him more than a little. He attributes it to how much better he feels. "You are the most loving person I've ever met in my life, Naruto. Temari was right when she said you have the power to change people with your open heart and love alone."Hell, look at how Naruto's gotten him to open up. No one else has ever been able to do that. Well, no one still alive, voice lowers further still, soft and warm and reverent as hell, expression with it. "It's amazing… It really is."
Touched tears crowd the corners of a stunned Naruto's eyes. Shikamaru pressing a tissue into his hand snaps him out of it enough to wipe them away, and then he smiles widely, if shyly, at his sensei, rubbing the back of his head. "I-I don't know about all that, Kakashi-sensei. I think I just…get lucky, that's all. But thank you so much." His grin grows, and he blushes pink. "I'm really happy you think that!"
Shikamaru, watching him with his chin nestled between his knuckles, can't help but scoff lightly, so fond, he's actually surprised he held it back this long. "He's right, ya know." Naruto looks at him, blinking wide blue eyes while his blush deepens, and Shikamaru takes the opportunity to keep going before he can deny it again. "You know what it's like to be without love, without friends or anyone to care for you," just saying that makes his throat constrict in fury and guilt, "and you don't want anyone else to ever feel like you did. That's why you make friends with almost everyone you meet as easily as breathing. It just comes naturally to you to touch people, to change them for the better, even our enemies." Hell, look at how he's changed Shikamaru himself over the years. He smiles at Naruto, startlingly fond and admiring as anything. Naruto doesn't miss it, swallows as his heart pounds in his chest. Shikamaru reaches forward to rap his knuckles there, at his heart, brown eyes never leaving Naruto's. "You're one of a kind, Naruto Uzumaki. Don't forget it."
Naruto is struck speechless, particularly at those last words, echoes of what he used to say to the villagers as a kid so they wouldn't forget he existed. Now Shikamaru's using it on him… He doesn't miss the significance, doesn't know how he could. When he finally finds his voice again, thick with emotion, he softens with that same shy smile still playing. "I-I still think you're giving me way too much credit here," Shikamaru huffs a laugh and cocks an eyebrow in that way of his that Naruto knows means he can stuff it, "but…" he bumps their fists together, smile growing, "…I'm really happy to hear that, too. Thank you, Shikamaru." He gives Kakashi a fist bump, too, making him chuckle. "You guys…!" He looks between them, beam and happy flush coming back in full force. "You really are the best!"
Only because you are to us first, they think as one.
On that note, Kakashi takes a breath. "If you're ready to hear it, now that you know about my old team, I have some final parts to my explanation." Naruto's confused, trading a glance with Shikamaru, but he nods and pays rapt attention regardless. "After I lost everything, I felt like I was wandering in darkness for years. If it weren't for Gai, Asuma, Kurenai, and eventually, you kids, who knows what would have happened to me?" He breathes a wry laugh. "I held on to those bonds like a man drowning, but when I saw Sasuke wanted no part of any new bonds here, he reminded me so much of myself back then that I wanted to be there for him, to try to steer him back toward you and Sakura and the rest…" He sighs a bit, shoulders slumping. "But we all know how that turned out..." He does his best not to blame himself like Naruto asked, but he suspects he'll always feel at least partially responsible.
Taking another breath and clearing his throat, he keeps going. "On the other side of that, you were so much like Minato-sensei and Obito in so many ways, and the reminders…" he looks away guiltily, "…were too much for me a lot of the time. It's…it's why I…wasn't around while you were growing up, too, never mind that my mental state at the time was…fragile, at best." These explanations don't stop him from clenching a fist, angry at himself. "I turned away from you in an effort to escape my own feelings… I was a coward…" he bows his head low, "…and I'm so sorry."
There's a long moment of silence, and then, "You're not a coward, sensei." Kakashi's ears perk at that, at Naruto's soft, sort of confused, yet matter-of-fact tone, and he looks up. "Anyone would feel uneasy and scared around someone who reminds them of people they've lost. That makes total sense!" He rubs the back of his head sheepishly and laughs. "It's why Sakura and I weren't the nicest to Sai when he first showed up, remember? 'Cause he reminded us too much of Sasuke, and we weren't ready for him to be replaced yet."
He shrugs. "To be honest, I don't really see how you could have been there for me growing up. You were probably terrified of being reminded of my Dad and Obito, and the idea of getting attached to me and possibly losing me like everyone else you ever loved?" He's doing his best to be sensitive about this, he really is, but he can't help the point he's making. He huffs a small, incredulous laugh. "Forget it. There was no way." He locks firm, empathetic eyes on his beloved teacher. "If you ask me, there was nothing cowardly about any of it, Kakashi-sensei. It's natural, just being human. No one can fault you for that." He grins, toothy and bright. "Besides, you're here now, right? So you're already making up for it!" He chuckles. "Not that there's actually anything to make up, in my book."
Kakashi can't help but stare at Naruto for a few moments, the little tension left in his shoulders easing as a helpless, hopeful smile lights his face. He hopes Kushina and Minato-sensei are watching. Their son… He really is something else. Something incredible. "Thank you, Naruto."
Naruto just nods. "Of course!" Then, remembering something that's been bothering him, he perks up a bit. "Oh, and by the way?" He crosses his arms as best he can, his good arm over his chest, at least, cocking his head. "After going through all that, Old Man Third was a jerk for putting a team like ours on your shoulders." Shikamaru and Kakashi blink wide eyes, the former unable to help sputtering a laugh at his bluntness. Naruto flashes him a tiny smile before going on. "I mean, come on! He knew I was your sensei's kid and my mom was like your mom, he knew I was a lot like Obito, and he must have known that Sakura had medical ninja potential. Plus, he knew Sasuke was an Uchiha, so he'd also remind you of Obito, and he had to have known how you'd feel about Sasuke's trauma and the darkness surrounding him. There's no way he didn't know all that. And even if he didn't put together all those things, he knew enough to realize how unfair it would be to you. Hell, he's lucky it didn't traumatize you even more."
He curls his good fist in his hospital gown till his knuckles crack, grinding his teeth. If Lord Third were still around right now, he'd give him a piece of his damn mind. "He could have given our team to anyone, but he gave it to you. I mean, I'm grateful, and I know Sakura is, too, because like I said, you're the only sensei I'd ever want, but still…" His eyes burn low with righteous fire. "Honestly, Kakashi-sensei, given the circumstances? I think you did the absolute best you could with what you were given. And I think the rest of us turned out great! Sai, too!" He softens. "You're really amazing, sensei. I know it was hard for you, and I wish it wasn't, but…" he bows as low as he can, "…thank you so much. For everything."
Kakashi is surprised to have to swallow a lump in his throat and feel tears burn the back of his eyes. He wonders if he's a little more emotional than usual because of the circumstances or because of the closure he's received. Maybe it's a combination of both. Either way, he reaches out to touch Naruto's shoulder so he looks up and straightens some, then leans forward slowly to rest his forehead on Naruto's.
Naruto's eyes widen and he forgets to breathe for a moment, the cool metal of his sensei's headband making this all the more poignant for him, but then he just smiles and relaxes, following Kakashi in closing his eyes. They stay like that for a moment or two before Kakashi finally whispers, "You're pretty amazing yourself, Naruto. Thank you, too…so much."
Naruto's dinner comes a short time later, and even though he doesn't really feel like eating, mostly because he knows after that he'll have to take Granny Tsunade's sleeping medicine and he still wants to wait for Sakura, he remembers Shikamaru's advice from yesterday and does what he can. After a few minutes, he goes quiet and eats a little slower as something else that's been bothering him, something he's not sure he should talk about, weighs on his mind. His friends notice the change in him, of course, but they don't say anything. He'll talk when he's ready.
About ten minutes later, barely halfway through his meal, Naruto can't take the uneasy anticipation churning his stomach anymore. He doesn't want to bring this up, hates that he even has to think about it, but he also feels like he's going to jump out of his skin if he doesn't. Slowly setting down his chopsticks and wiping his mouth, he gathers his resolve. He's…not really sure how to approach this, but…he feels like he has to. For them.
"What happened with Rin…and my mom…" he starts at last, coming to rest a hand over his stomach, the Seal drawn there. The thought of something happening to his village, his friends, because of him…it's always been one of his biggest fears, the stuff of most of his nightmares, and having even more proof that that fear isn't unfounded…it terrifies him. "It could—happen to me someday, too. It…i-if I weren't here in the village, and even then, it…it might have already." His hand shakes, clenches a bit in his hospital gown. "Itachi and that—other Akatsuki guy already came to the village looking for me once, after all."
Neither Kakashi nor Shikamaru knows where this is going, but they're listening like their lives depend on it. They know this isn't the sort of thing Naruto would bring up if it weren't of utmost importance.
"Shikamaru told me the Nine Tails helped save me after what Sasuke did to me. I—I remember, when it happened, it told me not to give up." A sardonic laugh leaves him. "Can you believe it? Specifically, it said, 'Don't give up, brat!', but still… It…it still saved me. I know it might have only done it because it had to, because I'm its host, but…I don't know how to explain it. I…I felt something more there, almost like it…it cared, even just a tiny bit, about what happened to me, I swear…" His gaze drifts to his bandaged hand. "Knowing it killed my parents and remembering how I was treated growing up because of it don't exactly paint it in the best light, but…" his face scrunches, "…I'm…confused about how to feel about the Nine Tails…"
Kakashi nods, wishing he was at less of a loss here. "With all that, I think anyone would be."
Shikamaru scratches the back of his head. "That's an understatement." He eyes his friend pointedly. "So, what are you thinking, Naruto?"
Naruto purses his lips, then bites the lower one. "I'm…I wanna try talking to the Nine Tails. I've done it before, a few times." A chill goes down his spine at the memories, which makes Shikamaru's hairs stand on end. He isn't sure he likes this idea. "I…I want to thank it for helping me, but…mostly, it's because there are some things about it saving me that don't make sense. I'm hoping…maybe…we can work something out. It could…take a while, maybe a long time. Months or years. Hell, it might not work at all. But if it does, maybe we could even become…allies or something. Close to it, anyway. I don't know…"
The two at his side blink. He wants…to make friends with—with the Nine-Tailed Fox…? They're not…quite sure what to say to that… After a few more shocked seconds, Shikamaru recovers first. "Okay… I admit, I have questions and concerns, but they can wait." His eyes narrow. "You haven't told us why yet."
Blue eyes fall at his scrutinizing gaze. "I…well…" He curls his hospital gown tighter in his fist, skin crawling and stomach sloshing again at the idea of telling them. He knew he'd have to, it just…still feels so sudden… He doesn't feel ready. His voice follows his eyes. "You won't…like it…"
His friends trade a look instantly. "Tell us anyway," they say in unison, doing their best to mentally prepare themselves for, well, what could be just about anything.
Of course, nothing could have prepared them for what he actually says.
Naruto takes a deep breath, then looks up at them both, eyes fierce and bright and bold. They don't think they've ever seen him this serious. "I've lost control of the Nine Tails a few times already. Not completely, but close enough that I lost my sense of self and things got bad. You and Pervy Sage managed to intervene those times, sensei. I know he's the one who warned you about it and gave you the sealing tag that helped stop me on our mission to rescue Gaara." Kakashi nods. Shikamaru doesn't know what they're talking about, but he can ask Kakashi to fill him in later.
Naruto has to visibly steel himself before he says this next part, taking another deep, shaky breath. The room seems to drop several degrees at once while his eyes are set ablaze. "If it happens again and I lose control completely…if there really is no way for you to get me back…" his lips tremble, but he forces his way through, "…I need you to take me out."
"Absolutely not."
Shikamaru's response is an immediate snarl, teeth bared, brown eyes alight with white-hot fire. Naruto blinks. He doesn't think he's ever seen him so pissed off and defiant. Not since Asuma's death, anyway. He doesn't know, maybe this outclasses that, considering Naruto's still alive and Shikamaru's fighting to keep him that way.
"Shikamaru's right, Naruto," Kakashi says, much more calmly, glancing at Shikamaru, but there's some steel backing his words, too. He refuses to lose another loved one to a Tailed Beast. "We'll find another way. It doesn't mean you have to die."
"You can't honestly think we'd just let you go that easily! Do you really think so little of us, of yourself, that you'd rather die than let us try?" Shikamaru presses, grinding his teeth at the very thought, mostly in an effort to keep back the bile threatening at the base of his throat. He can't even think beyond the fact that Naruto is a complete idiot to ask this of them or he really might be sick. He can't. There's no way in hell.
Naruto's eyes widen, and he reels back as if struck, hurt blooming in his chest as he blinks in confusion. "W-what? N-no! No, I—I just—if you can't get me back, if there is no other way, you might not have a choice! I'm—I'm trying to prepare you for that!"
Shikamaru opens his mouth to fire back, hackles effectively raised at the very notion of losing Naruto for good, especially to something that's not his fault, has never been his choice, of having to do so by his own hands—but Kakashi holds up a hand, black eye stern. Grudgingly, he swallows his words and defers to Kakashi, though he defiantly takes tight hold of Naruto's hand, threading their fingers together and squeezing.
"I understand where you're coming from, Naruto. More than anyone else ever could, I do," Kakashi reassures. He doesn't want him to think he's alone in this. After all, Rin asked the same thing of him when he was much younger. The last thing he wants is for this to become a repeat of that. "But I need you to tell us exactly what you're thinking. Maybe there's something you haven't thought of yet."
Naruto raises a skeptical eyebrow, but Shikamaru squeezes his hand again, silently begging, and he sighs. "Back when…Pervy Sage and I were training, at one point, he wanted to try to help me control the Nine Tails' chakra. It…" his eyes fall to his bandages, face crumples, and he holds Shikamaru's hand a little tighter for purchase, "…it went bad, and…I leveled an entire building, the yard around it, a huge part of the forest. I…I hurt him…" He swallows. "When I woke up, we were both really badly hurt and recovering in the hospital…"
He knows he probably shouldn't, knows Pervy Sage held no fear or ill will toward him at all afterward, but he still feels really guilty for that. He glares at his sheets before peering up at his friends again.
"I don't want to hurt anyone ever again. I never want to kill anyone. If I ever did, even while like that, even if it wasn't technically my fault…" He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment and shakes his head vehemently. "Hurting Pervy Sage once was bad enough. If he wasn't him, I probably would have killed him. That's how bad it was." He needs them to understand. This isn't just something he's come up with out of the blue. "If it ever happened again, if my Seal broke completely, and there was no one around to stop me like he did, if you or Captain Yamato weren't here, Kakashi-sensei…" he feels sick at the truth to his words, remembering how much it hurt Pervy Sage just to laugh after that time, "…I-I couldn't take it."
He fixes hard, absolutely unyielding eyes on them. It's scary and hurts like hell to talk about this, but it's necessary, damn it. He needs to know he's not going to be a danger to the people he loves. He couldn't live with himself. "You know me. You know that's the truth. This isn't something that's just come up suddenly either. I've—I've been thinking about it for years." Kakashi and Shikamaru's hearts pang something fierce, devastation clawing at their insides. Shikamaru barely bites back a curse. Naruto's eyes smolder, even while his words start to tremble and break. "Please… I'm not kidding around here. I'm—I'm begging you…"
Shikamaru unconsciously squeezes Naruto's hand tighter, as tightly as he can, not even realizing it might be painful until Naruto squeezes back. When he does, he immediately loosens his grip and locks eyes with him, silently apologizing and just trying to communicate how…wrong this feels. He's the guy who always goes over all the angles, every possibility, but right now, that can all go to hell. Why are they even discussing this? Like hell they'll ever let that happen. Shikamaru will die first, and he already knows Kakashi feels the exact same way. The others, too, any of them.
Naruto's way out… It's not an option.
Not one he'll accept, anyway.
Shikamaru looks to Kakashi next, taking a deep, if shaky, breath. He knows he's usually not as emotional a thinker as all this, and yeah, okay, realistically, he knows why they're having this conversation. Naruto's not an idiot, after all. The only way he'd ever propose something like this is if he were dead serious, if he really had been thinking about it for years, maybe since Master Jiraiya was hurt.
To be honest, he's not really sure what has him so worked up about this. Yes, Naruto's his friend, he loves him, he would fight and die any second of any day from now till the end of time to protect him, and he's had an idea forming in his head about staying by his side for a good half-year now, maybe longer…but still… Maybe it's the thought of losing someone so close to him again. He doesn't know if he can take another Asuma. That's why he's…he needs Kakashi to temper his upset and ground him right now. His hold on Naruto's hand tightens again, consciously gentler this time.
Kakashi, for his part, is quiet. He's disturbed by this information, too, deeply so. Not the part about the incident where Master Jiraiya was hurt, that he already knew, but…the fact that Naruto's been grappling with the reality that his last day could come at any moment, that he's had something like this weighing on him for years… He wonders if Master Jiraiya knew. Given how close and alike he and Naruto were, he's guessing so. He wonders if he ever talked to Naruto about it. Hell, maybe…maybe that was one of the things he'd wanted to discuss with Lady Tsunade after he was meant to return from his mission to the Hidden Rain village. It's a morbid thought, but…it makes sense. Plus, given how similar Naruto and Rin are, how much they love their village and their friends, it also makes sense that Naruto would be willing to make the same sacrifice Rin did, even if he didn't necessarily want to. Because he knows Naruto doesn't want to die. He has far too much he wants – needs – to live for…
But like Shikamaru said…that almost makes it worse…
And yet, despite any reservations or misgivings he and Shikamaru may have…this isn't about them. At the end of the day, this is about Naruto. He comes first.
That's why he finally takes a breath and says, "Let me talk to Captain Yamato and Lady Tsunade about this first. Then, we can think up a game plan. Between the three of us—and Shikamaru, too, if you're up for it—" Shikamaru immediately nods, zero hesitation, "—I'm sure we can come up with something that will make you feel safe without giving us early heart attacks." He reaches out to ruffle his student's hair gently, though there's a weight to his hand that Naruto doesn't miss. He leans into it all the same, actually presses up into it a little insistently, almost like a dog would. A tender smile and chuckle escape as Kakashi obliges, though he turns protective and serious again a moment later. "But no matter what we decide, please know this: your friends and I, your family, will not let you go without the fight of our lives. That's a promise."
Naruto's eyes widen, heart skipping in his chest. Tears sting, but he just sniffs, chokes back a happy sob, and nods, grinning toothily. "R-right…!"
After their talk, Naruto's appetite is a little better than before, so he eats what he can, and that's all Shikamaru can ask. He refuses his sleeping medicine afterward, though, wanting to wait for Sakura, just in case, and Shikamaru agrees on the condition that he take it once visiting hours are over at the latest. Naruto's more grateful than he can say, though he's pretty sure Shikamaru understands with how bright and fond his smile is. He'll take it.
By the time Sakura's presence actually registers in the tree outside Naruto's room and then she herself appears at the foot of Naruto's bed, it's well after dark. She's breathing hard and sweating. She must have run the whole way in her rush to make it in time. The flowers in her arms don't escape Shikamaru's notice. So that's where she's been.
"You know it's after visiting hours, don't you?"
Sakura jumps at the sudden voice, though she's not surprised when she turns toward it to see Shikamaru still sitting vigil by a sleeping Naruto's side, glaring with arms crossed over his chest. Kakashi's still here, too, leaning against the wall across from them, just silently observing for now.
"Technically, Hokage's student or not, if I were to sound the alarm, you'd be thrown out." There's flaying ice in his tone, not that she can blame him. Honestly, he's being nicer than she expected, than she thinks she deserves. She's sure he'd agree. "I'm sure you're also well aware that there are shadows all around you. So tread carefully." She knows what that means: I won't hesitate.
Effectively chagrined, she winces, gaze slipping to the side. "I know…" she acknowledges softly. "But I couldn't go home without making this right. Or at least…" she lifts the flowers in her hands for emphasis, "…apologizing, if he lets me. I'm…" her grip on the flowers tightens some, doubt dragging down her expression, "…not sure he'll actually want to see me, though…"
Sighing roughly, Shikamaru lets one of his arms fall between his knees as he leans on them. This girl's just lucky she's Ino's best friend and one of Naruto's, and that whether she deserves to be the latter isn't for him to decide. "Oh, he wants to see you, all right. He made me wait until visiting hours were over to take his sleeping meds, and even then, he was really bummed when you didn't show up. He wanted to wait a little longer, but I reminded him he promised, and, well," he shrugs, something in it and the way he looks at her unrepentantly sharp and jagged, "you know how he is about promises."
Sakura flinches at that, but…he's not wrong. She deserves that. Much worse, actually. Frankly, she's surprised he's letting her anywhere near Naruto at all. He's probably only going along with it because he wants to put Naruto's feelings before his own. Ino was right. A guarding shadow-lion, indeed. Swallowing, she holds the flowers for Naruto a little tighter and nods. "You don't…have to worry about me anymore. I…I get it now. I've been horrible to him…and I know it shouldn't have taken something like this to understand just how badly I screwed up, but..." she bows as low as she can, "…I really am sorry." Her green eyes are full of fire when they climb back up. "And I'm ready now, I swear. I'm ready to let Sasuke go and do whatever it takes to make it up to Naruto. All of it, no matter how long it takes. I don't care."
Shikamaru regards her quietly for a few good, long seconds. He freely admits he's partly doing it to make her squirm. It's the least she deserves after what she pulled. He'll have to thank Ino for talking (and, knowing her, smacking) some sense into her later. He can feel Kakashi's calm, steady gaze on him, waiting to see what'll happen from here. In the end, he sighs again, gentler this time, and levels with her. "Naruto's done his part to make this as easy for you as he can, Sakura. Now you have to do yours."
Giving that a moment or two to sink in, he slowly sits back in his chair and crosses his arms again, nodding toward Naruto. "He'll probably be a little groggy, but we just gave him his meds about ten minutes ago, so he shouldn't be too hard to wake up. Don't know if he'll be able to stay awake, though, unless you can temporarily slow the effects or something. Of course, I'm sure I don't need to tell you that, being a medical ninja and all." He shrugs.
She nods, taking that as the permission to come closer she knows it is. "I can. Slow his medication, I mean." Making sure she has his okay to do this, too, she hesitates before reaching over to let her hand glow green over Naruto's chest for a few seconds. She stays standing after pulling back, though, and she's worried about shaking him awake after earlier, even carefully, so Shikamaru does it for her.
"Hey, Naruto." Naruto whines a bit, and Shikamaru can't help but snicker. "Wake up, sleepyhead. Sakura's here."
Sakura's name makes it through his formerly-medicated haze, and Naruto's eyelids flutter open just seconds later. "Wha…? S-Sakura…?" he asks, raspy and slow and dragged out by a yawn as he rubs at his eyes.
A tiny smile tries to sneak onto her face, but she's not sure she should let it. She can barely make herself look at him right now. "R-right here, Naruto…" she announces softly.
Shikamaru helps him sit up, and when Naruto sees it really is her, he seems surprised to see her for a few ticks before he grins brightly, sweetly, like he never lost faith in her for a second. "I told 'em you'd be back!"
Sakura, forgetting to breathe for a moment, can't help it when she laughs and touched tears sting her eyes. Wiping at them with the back of her hand, she shakes her head, the smile on her face growing. "I-I really don't deserve you, you know that?"
She has a feeling that if Naruto weren't here or at least awake, Shikamaru and maybe even Kakashi-sensei would have something to say in agreement with that, but as it is, they hold their tongues. She appreciates it. Naruto, for his part, blinks wide eyes and flushes, waving his hand in front of him in embarrassment. "W-whoa, wait, what? W-where'd that come from, Sakura? That's not true at all!"
Her smile turning small and sad, she steps forward to set the flowers Ino picked out for them both on his bedside table. "Yes, it is." Whether he's in denial or, more likely, genuinely doesn't see it that way, she knows she's right, no matter how much she wishes she wasn't. Her gaze comes back to his. "You've always been there for me, no matter what. You've never raised a hand against me, even when you could and should have. You always do everything in your power to protect me. You cheer me up any way you can, and you always keep your promises, even ones that only ever get you hurt—"
Her voice breaks off in a sob here, and a few tears fall. She supposes she shouldn't be surprised. She is something of a crybaby, after all. "Y-you've never left my side, all this time, and I—I realized I've been taking you for—for granted…e-ever since we were kids…" She sniffs and swallows back the rest of her tears. She doesn't want to cry through this. "You shouldn't even be letting me see you after what I did, let alone talk to you. You definitely shouldn't forgive me. I don't deserve it, so I wouldn't blame you at all."
She wants to smack some sense into her younger self, feels nauseous at just how ignorant and plain awful she's been. Realistically, despite Ino and now Shikamaru's reassurances…she doesn't know for sure if she and Naruto can fix this. She wants to, and she meant it when she said she was willing to put in the work, but…their relationship was pretty broken right from the start, all because of her. Like she said, she wouldn't blame Naruto if he came to that conclusion himself and wanted nothing to do with her anymore.
She bows as low as she can—hell, she gets down on her knees and lets her forehead touch the floor. Ino did say she had to grovel, after all. Whether she meant it literally or not doesn't matter to her right now, and that's not why she's doing this anyway. She's doing this because it's what Naruto deserves. He deserves way more than anything she's given thus far, and from now on, she's going to make sure he gets it. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. For tonight and everything else. I know this doesn't make up for any of it, but…I swear, I'll spend the rest of my life trying!"
Naruto, for his part, is left reeling, eyes wide and heart pounding in his chest. He wants to say something, anything, at least get her off the damn floor because it's killing him to see her like this. He wishes his legs were in better shape so he could get down there with her. There's no way he can reach her from here either. Frowning in distress, he instantly turns to his friend. "S-Shikamaru, help me out here!"
Already figuring what he wants, Shikamaru easily slides off his chair to a crouch in front of Sakura without protest. "Sheesh…" He gently takes her small hand and deposits it in Naruto's waiting one, Naruto immediately encasing it in his strong grip. Sakura finally lifts her head, surprised, and Shikamaru pokes her forehead. She blinks, and he finally smiles at her, tilting his head. "Don't be so dramatic." Her eyes follow him as he moves back to his seat. "You know, Asuma used to tell us that the closer you get to something, the tougher it is to see it," he eyes her pointedly here, "so never take it for granted."
It takes Sakura a second to understand his meaning, but when it hits her, she doesn't know how she didn't see it before. She took Naruto for granted, and she and Naruto were so close to Sasuke that they couldn't see how unhealthy their relationships with him were. She gets it now. This is Shikamaru's way of saying their slate's clean as long as she really does make it up to Naruto from here on out. Swallowing, she nods imperceptibly to show she understands. Shikamaru smirks, satisfied. Good. She's learning.
Getting to her feet, she wipes her eyes and face with her free hand before turning back to Naruto. She points at him with a stern expression. "I'm serious about letting me make it up to you, okay? I won't accept any other way of fixing this!"
Naruto blinks, but seeing he doesn't have anything to counter that with, he smiles shyly, wondering what she might have cooking up in that big brain of hers. "W-well, okay...but you don't have to go all out or anything, all right? It's just me." His grin turns toothy as he chuckles. "It's not like I'm exactly hard to please."
Despite himself, Shikamaru can't help snorting and chiming in, "Yeah! You could probably just stuff his apartment full of instant ramen, and he'd call it even!"
Naruto's joining laugh is raucous and bright. "Hey, you're not wrong!" Looking back at Sakura, he softens and squeezes her hand, sad and happy at once. "Look… This whole thing – letting Sasuke go, and looking at our relationships with him and each other and realizing things weren't what we thought – has been a long time coming. I think we both know that now. It was bound to be emotional and scary, and I'm sorry if I went about telling you what I decided the wrong way." He chuckles. "'Course, I'm not really sure there's a good way to bring up something like that, you know?" Sakura breathes a tiny, relieved sob of a laugh despite herself and nods. That's very true. Kakashi marvels at how much he sounds like Kushina.
Naruto strokes the back of her hand with a gentle thumb and melts. "I accept your apology, and even if you say I shouldn't, I do forgive you. I understand why you hit me," he rubs a finger along the bridge of his nose, only to hiss and pull back when it hurts; right, right, broken, "even if that doesn't make it okay or right." She winces and nods, and he squeezes her hand again, then threads his fingers securely through hers. "We're good, okay? I'll let you make it up to me whatever way you want, but nothing's changed between us. You're still one of my best friends. Nothing's been done that can't be fixed. Okay?"
Sakura beams, squeezing his hand as tears sting her eyes. She feels almost lightheaded with relief. "Thank you, Naruto!" Leaning forward slowly, making sure he's okay with her being this close to him after before, she hugs him carefully and presses a kiss to his cheek. A bright blush paints his face instantly, and her smile only grows. "You're the best friend I've ever had. I promise I'll be worthy of that someday."
She can tell he wants to protest that last part, but he stops when she makes to reach toward his face. Remembering how he flinched away from her before, she stops, too. Swallowing, mint eyes find sky. Sensing the gravitas in her, Naruto just waits for her to say what she needs.
"Would you...could...my first step be...healing your nose?"
Beside them, Shikamaru stiffens the tiniest bit despite himself. Her tone is soft and low, nervous and guilty, but full of conviction, body language the same. There's no trace of the rage or blame from before. He thinks Naruto will be safe this time, but he also remembers how Naruto freaked earlier. All the same, he glances over at Naruto. In the end, it's his decision.
Naruto meets his eyes, and after seeing that Shikamaru's feelings match his own, he slowly nods. He knows this isn't like before, and this is his way of showing her that he still trusts her. He meant it when he said that that wasn't going to change over something like this. Not for him, at least. He hopes this will also help her trust herself again. He smiles. "Yes, please."
Sakura is thankful as all hell, shoulders giving way beneath her relief as she sighs and beams like the sun. "Thank you!"
His nose is fixed in record time, not that he expected any less. He takes a deep breath through it and laughs out loud in delight, throwing his good arm in the air. "All right! Good as new!" He grins widely. "Thanks, Sakura!"
She scoffs and waves a hand dismissively, meaning it for once. "D-don't thank me! It's the least I could do!" Honestly, she wishes she could do more. Perking up when she remembers something, she snaps her fingers. "Oh! That reminds me!" Grabbing his vase from the bedside table, she hands it to him. "These are for you!"
"Wow…!" Naruto gasps, lighting up like a kid on Christmas at the sight of the pretty bouquet. "They're for me? Really?" He takes the vase with careful fingers. "I've never gotten flowers before, especially not Ino's!" He chuckles delightedly. "They're beautiful! Thank you, Sakura!"
He pats the bed beside him, and she slowly sits down, a warm, grateful thrill going through her. This is another way he's showing he still trusts her. There's no way she's going to waste it. "Ino sent them with me after spending forever picking them out and making them look perfect. She was so happy and relieved to hear you were finally awake and doing well. I'm sure she'll be by to see you as soon as she can."
Naruto admires all the different flowers, smile growing. "That was so nice of her! If you see her before I do, tell her thanks so much for me! I don't know much about flowers, but these are so pretty!" He bounces a bit in his seat, like he's been given the most special gift in the world. "She's the best!"
Sakura softens. He's not wrong about that. She really is. "I will, don't worry."
Beside them, Shikamaru can't help but laugh. He finds Naruto's reaction sweet, honestly. Expected, knowing him. "Ino didn't tell you what the flowers meant, though, did she?" Sakura shakes her head. He smirks. "Figures." Sitting back in his chair, he points them out one by one. "The Blue Salvia means she's thinking of you, the Pink Rose means joy, the Dwarf Sunflower's adoration, the Morning Glory's affection, the Amaryllis' pride, the Yellow Tulip means there's sunshine in your smile, the Bluebell's loyalty, the Geranium means true friendship, the Edelweiss is courage and devotion, the Lotus means enlightenment and rebirth, the Chamomile means patience in adversity, the Larkspur means remember to have fun, the White Hyacinth means she's praying for your recovery, the White Carnation's good luck, the Valerian means she's ready and waiting if you need her, the Honeysuckle means bonds of love, and the Peony means she's wishing you a happy life."
"Wow…! How'd ya know all that, Shikamaru?" Naruto asks, amazed and impressed.
He shrugs. "When you have the daughter of florists for a teammate, you tend to pick things up between the girl talk, you know?"
Naruto laughs. "Oh, right. Yeah, that makes sense."
Looking back at the flowers, something catches Shikamaru's eye. "Hey, look. There's a tag, too."
Sakura tilts her head. "There is? Huh. I never noticed her writing one."
Shikamaru reaches in to pull it out. "It says, 'Get well really soon, you ramen-loving knucklehead! Love, The Konoha 11.'" He chuckles, shaking his head. "Typical Ino."
Naruto rubs the back of his head and chuckles, impressed as hell. "No wonder it took Ino so long to get those flowers ready. That's a lot of different meanings, and she even included a nice card, too!" He beams, feeling giddy and important. "I feel so special!"
Sakura, Shikamaru, and Kakashi soften. Because you are, Naruto.
Unable to help noticing the other flowers on his bedside table, Naruto can't help but ask, intrigued now, "Whose flowers are those, Sakura? Are you visiting someone else, too?"
Looking over to see what he's talking about, Sakura remembers and flushes a bit. Grabbing them, she explains, "O-oh, no! Ino handed me these right before I left. She said they're for me."
Taking a look himself, Shikamaru does a double-take before he just barely smothers a wheezing laugh. The others look at him, confused, and he waves a hand. "S-sorry, sorry," he says. He is so going to laugh his head off once he's alone! This is too good! Ino is the best, he swears! "I-I'm guessing Ino didn't tell you what those meant either, huh?" His smirk only grows when she shakes her head again. "W-well, sorry to disappoint, but I'd rather not repeat those particular insults in current pleasant company. Man, you must have really pissed her off."
Sakura is shocked for a moment or two, Naruto, too, but then she laughs sheepishly and deflates. "That's fair… I deserve that…"
Naruto opens his mouth to protest, but Shikamaru holds up a hand to stop him. A gentle smile comes to his face, and he points out three flowers in the very middle of the bunch. He knows for a fact Ino put them there on purpose. "This White Tulip means forgiveness, this Daffodil means new beginnings, and this Bell Peony means good luck and best wishes."
Sakura brightens back up with a joyful, relieved smile, like a flower blooming after it's rained. Her teacher and friends are glad to see it. "Then I won't let her message go to waste!"
They talk for a while longer before Sakura starts nodding off. Her first instinct is to fight it like she has every other time in the last few weeks, but...she stops. Naruto's awake and here with her, Kakashi-sensei and Shikamaru, too. They're close and warm and safe. Something tells her she won't have to worry about nightmares while they're around. Making sure to undo the impediment she put on his sleeping medicine first, though it won't take effect for a few minutes, no one is really surprised when she does fall asleep, head resting on the bed at Naruto's side. Naruto just softens, tender fingers stroking her hair. "We should let her sleep," he whispers, "since she hasn't been getting much lately."
Kakashi nods in agreement. He's still so proud and thankful everything turned out so well with his kids. Thank goodness. "That's probably a good idea. She seems a lot more at ease sleeping here than at home, at least from what her parents told me. I know you've probably been wondering what Pakkun and I were talking about earlier, after he brought her in." Naruto nods, and Kakashi sighs a bit. "Mostly, it was just an update on what I already told you, but this time, it seems she hasn't slept in at least three days. The nightmares got too bad, so she fought her body's need to sleep like it was the only thing keeping her going." He watches her closely, voice lowering. "No sleep was preferable to what she faced when she closed her eyes."
Naruto eyes her anxiously. Did she not tell him how bad the nightmares were because she didn't want him to worry? Was it a pride thing? Did she just not think about it—not want to think about it?
"But," Naruto looks back up at the smile in his sensei's voice, and he doesn't miss the way he's watching Sakura with hope in his eye, "now that she's got her head and heart sorted on Sasuke and she knows you're okay, Naruto, it seems her fear of sleep has faded. For the moment, at least. Let's hope it lasts."
Naruto smiles. There's a thoughtful beat of silence, and then,
"She's already totally out. If we try to take her home, she'll just wake up again," Shikamaru cautions.
Kakashi pushes off the wall to come closer. "That was my thought, too. So…" Crouching down, he ever so carefully picks Sakura up and lays her on the bed beside Naruto.
Naruto jerks away instantly, as far away as he can, face going bright red. The pain from the sharp movement doesn't even register. "K-K-K-Kakashi-sensei! What the hell are you doing?!" he hisses, scandalized. He shakes his head vehemently and points at Kakashi. "Y-you can't just put a—a girl in my bed! Especially not S-Sakura!" His voice turns to a whine. "She'll totally kill me when she wakes up, and it's not even my fault!"
Kakashi chuckles, and Shikamaru can't help but do the same. They always figured Naruto was a gentleman, at least for the most part (any student of Master Jiraiya would have to be a bit of a philanderer, at least; it was practically part of the job description), but seeing it is honestly adorable. Kakashi waves calming hands. "Now, now, just listen for a second. Like Shikamaru said, if we move her, she'll wake up, and she might not sleep well once she's home, if at all. But if she stays here with you, I'll bet she'll sleep like a baby." Naruto, uncurling a bit as his teacher's explanation sinks in, doesn't even realize that he's getting close to Sakura again. Kakashi, though, does, and he also sees something else that makes his smile grow. "Case in point."
Following his gaze, Naruto's eyes widen as he sucks in a breath and turns even redder. Sakura, curling into his side, rests her head on his chest, right over his racing heart. He gulps and doesn't dare breathe. His warmth and heartbeat in her ear just seem to comfort her, though, even send her into a deeper, more restful sleep, and Naruto releases his breath painfully slowly. "All—all right, but…" he points warningly at his sensei, "…if she wants to kill me when she wakes up, I'm siccing her on you."
Kakashi, for one, prays that doesn't happen. Her strength is genuinely terrifying… "F-fair enough…"
That settled, Naruto can feel his sleeping meds kicking back in, so he pulls the blanket up around Sakura and wraps an arm feather-lightly around her shoulders. She curls into him a little more at that, and he can't help smiling shyly through his blush this time. Her warmth is comforting to him, too. He yawns then, and his eyes move between his friends, lids drooping. "Night, Shikamaru… Night, Kakashi-sensei…" He yawns again, eyes finally closing while his fingers play with the ends of Sakura's hair. "Love you…"
He's out like a light.
The two left awake look at each other and can't help but laugh again. Their number one knuckleheaded ninja really is cute as hell. Not wanting to wake them, they stand silent vigil in case of any nightmares.
Once half an hour's passed, Kakashi walks over to Naruto's other side to card his fingers through his hair. Just like Minato's… He wanted to wait to make sure his kids would be all right before heading home, and now that he is, he thinks he'll take his leave. Today's been exhausting for a good many reasons, and honestly, it's been a long few weeks for him, too.
But before that…
He glances up to see Shikamaru watching Naruto thoughtfully, and Kakashi can't help but finally say something that's been on his mind for years, even more the last six months, and especially the past thirteen days.
"You're good for him. The way he looks at you… You're good at grounding him – keeping him on his toes, but not slapping him in the face with harsh reality either. It's a good balance, not unlike your cloud-watching habits."
Shikamaru regards him quietly, eyebrow raised, for a good few moments. "That might be the weirdest connection I've ever heard," he finally returns, chuckling, his gaze falling back to Naruto as his smile turns warm and grateful, "but I'm glad, too. I want to be there for this knucklehead…" his voice lowers, "…no matter what it takes." There's undeniable conviction in every note, and Kakashi knows he means every one. "I'm glad you approve," he tells him, coming back for a moment. He keeps his stare clean and certain. "Not that it would make any difference if you didn't, for the record. I'm here for him. That's all."
Kakashi laughs. "That's about what I expected from you." He softens. "I know you'll be good to him, and that's all I want. So, thank you."
Shikamaru smiles helplessly and shakes his head. "Don't thank me." The fondness he fixes Naruto with here is something Kakashi thinks will stay with him forever. He prays Minato and Kushina are watching. They'll want to see just how loved their boy really is. "He's the sun, after all. The shadows were bound to be drawn in at some point."
Kakashi blinks. Quietly poetic when he wants to be, isn't he? He just grins, melting when his own gaze drifts back to Naruto. Shadows, indeed…
"Truer words, Shikamaru. Truer words."
A/N: An important note for this AU: in this AU, Obito stays dead. He really did die that day on the Kannabi Bridge mission, and a very weak, recovering Madara is Tobi instead. lol. 'Cause frankly, Obito was a sweet, good boy (pre-crazy, yk), and he deserved better, damn it! Plus, it defeats so much of Kakashi's character development/work to move on and heal from that, espec in this fic, if he's been alive this whole time, so I say screw that (one of my most hated things about that 'actually not dead' trope, TBH *side-eyes the Lisanna storyline from Fairy Tail*)! lol. Hope that change is okay with everyone!
Hopefully this was a satisfying conclusion to this arc! Next chapter, either Gaara or Choji's, will hopefully be shorter! lol. I love this fic, but these long chapters just, well, take too long to write/edit, especially when I'm so busy with work! Haha! Hopefully they're not a bother for you guys to read because I really, really appreciate it!
Also, one of the flowers named in this fic, the 'Bell Peony,' is actually called the Bells of Ireland Peony! But since Ireland obvs doesn't exist in this world, I changed the name slightly. Haha!
Also again, as a little Easter Egg: what Shikamaru tells Sakura to say their slate's clean as long as she makes it up to Naruto is a reference to the Asuma-Shikamaru Shippuden opening (Opening 4, "Closer")! The line from the song is, "You know, the closer you get to something, the tougher it is to see it; So I'll never take it for granted", and I adjusted it just slightly to fit with what I needed! I love that opening, and I felt that line could fit really well here! ;D
Sakura's planned development in this arc/fic reminds me of one of my absolute favorite endings, Shippuden Ending 12, "For You"! Just thought that could be a fun little bit of trivia, if you will, for this fic! lol.
Thanks so much for reading! Can't wait to hear what you think!