Two Days Later

"I lost it, Dave. I lost it and there's nothing either of us could do. I'm sorry…"

Both of them had started crying right then and there. They had hugged briefly before returning to their busy schedules in the ER, a helpful distraction from the baby they had conceived together and lost.

Eventually, Dave had stopped crying about the loss and had wanted to approach Jing-Mei again, but she had gotten together with a male ICU nurse and then had gotten pregnant again by him instead. He had ended up descending into irresponsibility to the point where he had lost his job at County...

If it hadn't been for Dr. Romano and Amy, he wouldn't have found a new one at Mercy. Despite everything, Dave had never forgotten the child he had lost…

"Doctor Malucci?"

Dave slowly opened his eyes and had to slowly process where he was for a moment, "Doctor Malucci?" the voice repeated in a concerned voice. "Are you all right?"

Blinking, Dave turned towards the voice and was surprised to find Elizabeth lingering beside his bed, "I…I was having a bad dream," he replied groggily, unwilling to share what his dream had been about.

Elizabeth frowned and nodded, "That must be what your odd readings were about," she replied, taking a seat in the chair beside the bed. "If you want to talk about it, I'm here. I was checking your dressings…"

"I'm still not feeling my legs or anything below the waist," Dave admitted quietly. "Is that normal?"

Elizabeth sighed, "I wish I knew," she admitted softly. "You were shot multiple times and gunshot cases are very tricky. You're still in the early stages of recovery from that and a double transplant…"

Dave nodded, "I'm actually glad you're here, Doctor Corday, because I wanted to ask you how I'd arrange for counseling since I can't get up to Psych for appointments," he spoke nervously. "I've been feeling so overwhelmed for a long time and haven't had the time to deal with it until now…"

Elizabeth paused, her expression concerned because she had read Carter's interview with the press about County's refusal to accommodate Malucci's new disability and it was obvious that Malucci was also aware of everything. No wonder the man was overwhelmed, she silently reasoned to herself.

"Um, you mentioned that you were checking my dressings?" Dave spoke, quickly spotting the concerned expression on Elizabeth's face and hating it. "How is everything healing? I'm feeling a little tired…"

Before Elizabeth could reply, the door opened and Amy came into the room wearing a loose shirt, a cardigan, sneakers, and a warm winter jacket. Her hair was pulled back and she looked tired, "Hey," Amy spoke in a quiet voice, her expression solemn. "I was here for an appointment and I thought I'd visit."

Dave frowned and Elizabeth quickly moved from the chair, which Amy immediately took, "Doctor Coburn initially left the ovaries and only took the uterus to avoid traumatizing my body as little as possible during Michael's delivery, but it was apparently a mistake," she explained solemnly. "The tests…"

Elizabeth paused near the door and Dave's face crumbled immediately. He swore aloud and his hand immediately interlocked with Amy's, "There are cancerous growths in the ovaries and Coburn's recommending I do a round of treatment while I heal from the birth and Elton's shove," Amy spoke in a somber voice. "When I'm recovered from the first hysterectomy, Coburn wants to take the ovaries. The treatment's to keep it from spreading beyond the ovaries. I've not told very many people yet…"

"How many know besides me?" Dave asked in a shaken voice, frowning. "I…I'm so sorry."

Amy sighed, "I just came from the appointment where I got the news," she admitted softly. "Luka's visiting the babies with Nathan and we're supposed to meet up after the appointment to talk about it, but I snuck here first to talk to you. I'm feeling scared, Dave. I just wanted to share this with you…"

"It'll be okay, Amy," Dave promised even though he himself was unsure if it really would be okay.

Tears filled Amy's eyes and she began to cry, prompting Dave to gently pull her into a brotherly hug while Elizabeth watched from the door. Elizabeth quietly left the room to let the two cry together in private.

"What are their names again?"

Silence filled the NICU and Nathan looked up from the bassinettes where Michael and Abigail lay and saw Luka looking at him, "I remember the doctors saying that my short term would be fuzzy here and there," Nathan spoke nervously, frowning. "Mom might have mentioned their names once…"

"The older twin is Abigail Jasna and the younger one is Michael Marko," Luka explained patiently, knowing that it was physically taxing for Nathan to be out of bed. "You're already trembling…"

Nathan sighed tiredly, "Mom's not well," he replied tiredly. "I can just tell. She wasn't supposed to have more kids after Katie and Kathy because it was so awful having them. That's why she wanted to go to the appointment alone. She wanted to go alone cause she's scared of freaking you out by bad news."

Luka paused, stunned speechless by Nathan's analysis, "I remember Mom saying she only had the uterus taken out, so I bet there's an issue," Nathan continued worriedly, his tone sleepy as he suddenly yawned. "I'm a little tired…"

"You probably need rest," Luka replied calmly. "I said our trip here would be a short one…"

Nodding, Nathan slouched, "I should think about when to get back to work," he replied. "If Mom's sick…"

Frowning, Luka took control of the wheelchair and left the NICU with Nathan, helping him out of his NICU gear once they were outside of the hallway, "We've got a decent amount of money, so you don't need to hurry into back anything before you're ready," he spoke softly, discarding his gear. "Between the stabbing and your hostage experience, you've been through a lot. The ER's not going to be ready for use again for a while, so why don't you take time to rest at home and do some online schooling? And counseling?"

At that point, they were at the elevator and Nathan went quiet until they got back to the Peds floor. To Nathan's delight, Amy was in the room waiting for them, "Hey sweeties," she spoke softly. "How…"

"Mom, are you sick?" Nathan asked in a concerned voice, frowning at her. "You look…off."

Amy sighed, holding out her hands, "Doctor Coburn initially left the ovaries and only took the uterus to avoid traumatizing my body as little as possible during Michael's delivery, but it was apparently a mistake," she replied softly, deciding to be as truthful with Nathan and Luka as she was with Dave minutes ago. "There are cancerous abnormalities in the ovaries and Coburn's recommending I do a round of treatment while I heal from giving birth, the first hysterectomy, and Elton's shove. When I'm recovered from the first hysterectomy, Coburn wants to take the ovaries. The treatment's to keep it from spreading beyond the ovaries."

Luka looked crestfallen, but Nathan nodded and sighed, quickly accepting help to get up from the wheelchair, "Um, Luka says I shouldn't worry about going back to work," Nathan spoke nervously.

"Carter's paying handsomely for the clinic land, so we don't really need you to bring in a salary," Amy replied, gently helping Nathan sit on the hospital bed. "Dave and I never got the clinic fixed after the truck crashed into it and neither of us are in any shape to resume working there any time soon. I know it will upset you to let the clinic go, as you've worked there since you were old enough to work, but it's destroyed…"

Nathan sighed, "I'd rather have my mom be okay," he replied softly. "And Dave…I want him to be well."

Amy gently tucked Nathan back into bed, "We will be," she replied softly. "And we both want you to be well too. Luka does as well. You're not going to go back to work right now and you don't need to. You're going to take your time with recovery and that's all there is to it. I know you want to work at County and be like me, but you've been through some major trauma and you need time to recover from it, okay?"

Nathan yawned and Amy ruffled his hair, "Go to sleep," she spoke firmly. "I'll get you deli food from the Jumbo Mart…"

Nodding, Nathan obeyed and Amy sighed, kissing his forehead before moving into the hallway with Luka, "I'm sorry I didn't let you come to the appointment," she spoke softly, gazing worriedly at him. "I had a feeling it would be bad and I needed a moment alone to process. I also saw things in the mail this morning from Elton's attorney saying that Elton's property and money. I have to handle all of it and I don't…"

Amy sniffled and Luka gently pulled her into an embrace, letting her cry on his clothes, "I'll help you with it," Luka spoke in a quiet, reassuring voice. "We can use the money to send Nathan to college early. I think there's some sort of program for super smart kids like him to get their degrees faster, right?"

"We can talk about it for the spring," Amy replied softly. "I meant it when I told Nathan I wanted him to rest and focus on his recovery right now. Mark Greene's family helped move his and Lucas's room downstairs so Nathan doesn't have to use the stairs when he gets home…"

The elevator door suddenly opened and to Luka and Amy's shock, Carter and Abby came out with a tired looking Sam and Alex in tow. Luka and Amy froze seeing them, "Hey, Mom, isn't that Nathan's mom?" Alex asked, grabbing Sam's sleeve anxiously. "I…do you think Nathan's alive?"

Amy sighed, let go of Luka, and walked over to them, "Yes, he's alive," she replied quietly, her expression nervous because she wasn't sure how Sam and Alex were feeling. "I…I didn't know if you two were…"

Sam exhaled anxiously and promptly hugged Amy, "Thank God," she breathed weakly. "I…I thought…"

"So did I," Amy replied, gently returning the hug. "Thank you for looking after our son."

Sam nodded and smiled tiredly at Amy as they pulled apart, "I…I was checked in OB and Alex is here to get checked over next," she explained in a tired voice. "His blood sugar is a little messy…"

"Luka, why don't you help Carter and Sam with Alex?" Amy suggested softly. "I need a moment…"

Luka's eyes narrowed in concern and Carter noticed it, but Luka quickly nodded, "Tell Dave hi," the Croatian spoke in a calm voice, knowing where his wife was headed. "Call when you're done."

Carter frowned, but Amy nodded silently and moved off into the elevator before it closed, "Luka?" he asked in a concerned voice, frowning at his friend. "Your eyes…they look sad all of a sudden."

Sam frowned, "Mom, I'm tired," Alex whined. "Can we go see the doctor and then go eat?"

As Sam turned to speak to Alex, shuffling filled the air, "Nurse Taggart, Alex?" a groggy voice spoke.

Luka turned and Carter and Abby looked shocked. Nathan was lingering in the doorway to his hospital room and leaning heavily against it for support. He looked stunned and was crying silently. Alex swore and bolted over to Nathan, wrapping his arms around the older boy without hesitation. Sam's eyes filled with tears and she promptly hurried over to Nathan, gently joining Alex in embracing the young man.

"Abby, I'm going down to visit Dave," Carter whispered in Abby's ear, sensing something was up. "Stay."

Swallowing hard, Abby nodded that she would because she too sensed that something was up. Carter silently made himself scarce at the sight of the nod and Luka continued to watch Sam, Alex, and Nathan.

A few moments later, Sam and Alex released Nathan, "How did you get away?" Alex asked anxiously, his eyes as wide as saucers as he gazed up at Nathan anxiously. "We thought Elton had killed you."

Nathan exhaled anxiously, his expression troubled, "I stole one of the guns at the house where they held us and put it in a jacket before you put me in a cab," he explained shakily. "He followed the cab and I shot him in front of the hospital. Doctor Corday saw it. He's dead now and I…I don't know how to feel."

Swallowing hard, Nathan massaged his forehead and Luka quickly came over to him, seeing that he was overwhelmed, "Let's get you back to bed so you can rest, all right?" Luka suggested gently. "While you sleep, I'll order something for you and see if someone can run your laptop over here for later on."

Nathan nodded and let Luka lead him back into the room, leaving Sam and Alex in the hallway, "I…I'm sorry," Nathan spoke in a shaky voice, wincing as he sat down on the bed. "It just sort of came out…"

Luka looked thoughtful, "You don't need to apologize or know how to feel," he replied calmly. "I…"

Nathan suddenly lost color in his face, "I'm getting a migraine," he spoke weakly, touching his forehead.

Luka frowned, gently took hold of Nathan to help him back into bed and swore as Nathan suddenly slumped into his arms and began to convulse, "I NEED SOME HELP IN HERE!" he shouted.

"…I still can't feel my legs or my feet and it's really starting to freak me out…" Carter heard in a distressed voice say as he walked down the hallway towards Dave's hospital room. "What…what am I going to do if this crap…if it's permanent? Like, I know you just tested my legs and feet earlier and you're probably annoyed that I asked you to come do it again, but…"

A sniffle suddenly filled the air, "Oh," Carter heard Elizabeth say softly. "No, I'm not annoyed. This has got to be a very scary and confusing time for you, but I do see some good news. Your kidneys seem to be doing their job quite well. I take it that Doctor Chen's been making sure you eat?"

"She brought Daniel by this morning for breakfast and we ate together," Dave replied shakily. "I even ate the hospital food. Daniel…he does better with a routine and that routine involves eating breakfast with me. He likes Jing-Mei well enough, but I know he misses me and Jing-Mei…she's been wearing herself out looking after him and my apartment. I told her to take a nap today after she took Daniel to school and she could come back at dinnertime with Daniel. Maybe we shouldn't have stayed up so late having together before the shooting happened, but she's…she's a good cuddler and her kissing's not bad either. Besides having fun, we also talked about Magdalynn. She…Magdalynn was special. She went missing back in May and when Jing-Mei was here yesterday, a letter was delivered to me from Doctors Without Borders via a courier. Magdalynn's body was found on a road in rural Kinshasa a week ago. Jing-Mei just let me have a good cry and she held me for hours…"

Carter suddenly paused just outside the door, his expression full of shock and sorrow as he processed the news that Maggie would never get a chance to meet her birth mother. He could hear Dave and Dr. Corday talking about loss and grief and he also heard Dr. Corday offer to get him grief literature from the hospital library or Psych.

Suddenly wanting to give Dave a moment, Carter moved back down the hallway to the vending and newspaper machines, figuring he might get a soda and a paper. As he gazed down at the newspaper rack, however, he suddenly froze at seeing Peter Benton's photo and Dave's photo underneath a huge headline that said County General Hospital Fails To Accommodate Disabled Hero. Carter's mouth dropped open in surprise, but he grabbed the paper skimmed it, and quickly realized that Peter had given an interview to the Chicago Sun-Times offering his take on the shooting. Peter had gone into great detail about County's refusal to accommodate Dr. Dave Malucci, who had saved the lives of three children during the shooting in the hospital's emergency room and was now being left in the hospital with bad injuries, possible paralysis, and no hope of going back to work where he wanted to when he recovered because County was refusing to accommodate a wheelchair-bound doctor in the ER.

Deeply shocked that Peter had done that and had quite possibly pissed off the hospital in the process, Carter tucked the paper under his arm and quietly got himself a gingerale just as Dr. Corday came out of Dave's room.

Dr. Corday, however, went the opposite direction and didn't see him. Carter took the opportunity to go into Dave's room, but he stopped in the doorway when he saw Dave was leaning forward in bed trying to lift his left thigh, which was still healing, and alternating between crying and wincing because the movement was causing other parts of his body distress and pain. His breathing was also rapid and sweat was pouring down his face.

The machines, Carter noticed, were on the verge of sounding an alarm and it was like Dave didn't notice or care: he was just trying desperately to regain some control of himself and ignoring the warning signs of doing so too quickly. Realizing he had better do something before Dave ended up hurting himself, Carter quickly set his paper and gingerale on the portable table and quickly got on the bed next to him.

Taking great care not to jostle any tubes or wires, Carter gently wrapped his arms around Dave's shoulders and gently pulled him backwards, alarmed at how cold and shaky he seemed to the touch, "Stop, stop," he whispered softly. "You're gonna hurt yourself or trigger an alarm…"

Dave wheezed and exhaled through a sob, unable to match Carter's strength in any shape or form even though he very much wanted to pull away and keep trying to get his legs to wake up. He didn't even know why Carter was there, but he just wanted to be left alone with his discouraging test results and the grief associated with them as well as his other sadness. Carter, however, gently held Dave in his arms and let him cry and Dave didn't fight or ask to be let go. They sat like that for several minutes before Dave sighed heavily.

"I still can't feel my legs or my feet and Doctor Corday doesn't know what to tell me," Dave explained shakily. "Jing-Mei says we can adapt the apartment really easily, but it's just so much. It's hard enough trying to keep up with Daniel sometimes on two good legs, but how in the hell am I going to be able to do it if I'm stuck in a wheelchair? Jing-Mei's there, yes, but there are some days where Daniel just wants 'Dad' and 'Dad' can't be what he was anymore because he was an idiot who didn't use his brain and instead used himself as a human shield to protect three kids when the ER was being shot up!"

Carter sighed heavily, "And one of those three kids was Daniel," he reminded him gently. "Have you two talked about this? Or have you talked about this with anyone?"

"God, no," Dave replied shakily, exhaling because his both his head and his heart were pounding so fast he felt like was going to have a heart attack or pass out. "You clearly do not understand what it is like to raise a child with special needs, Carter. Daniel…he doesn't process people or things or even events the same way you and I do. He understands that something bad happened and that I am hurt because of it to the point where I cannot be with him right now, but he's not able to communicate about the shooting or how he feels about it. Jing-Mei suggested he talk to a child psychiatrist, but I am not sure how well that would go because he freaks out at strangers if I am not right there or if someone he trusts is not right there. A good child psychiatrist also costs money I don't have. I don't know why he freaks out at strangers so bad. He is just getting used to you and Jing-Mei being presences in his life. He understands you are my brother and we're just getting to know each other as brothers and he also understands that Jing-Mei might become his mother someday, but I purposely keep our circle very small so not to overwhelm him. Besides you two and Abby, he is used to Doctor Benton and Reese, Luka and Amy's family, Doctor Romano, and Doctor Greene's family and some people I used to work with at Mercy. He also likes being around Jeanie and Chase, but Jeanie's gone now. It is only going to get harder as he gets older. It was already getting harder because he had huge, huge meltdowns after the clinic was destroyed and after I went to Africa because those were major, major disruptions to what he was used to. When I worked at the clinic with Amy, I purposely kept him close to me or people safe to him and I sure as hell never brought him to County when I worked here. It would have overwhelmed him, the staff, and me and it would have just been one more thing for people to be on my case about. My God, I'm so tired…"

Carter sighed, "First of all, Dave, you can call me John," he replied patiently even though he was worried that Dave looked very unwell all of a sudden. "We are brothers, for heaven's sakes. We can refer to each other by our first name and you can also ask me for help if you're overwhelmed with anything. You can ask me for help with Daniel, as it sounds like you are pretty overwhelmed with him and his needs…"

"I'm not even fully sure what his challenges are and I can't even think straight right now because my head feels like it's about to pound right out of my head and my heart is hammering through my chest," Dave replied in a shaky voice, lowering his head to breathe. "Maybe…maybe you better call someone…"

Carter didn't have to be told twice. He quickly hit the nurse's call button, got off the bed, and lowered it just as Dr. Corday, who had been in the nearby mini-library getting Dave literature on anxiety, came running into the room, "Dave was talking about challenges he was having with Daniel and then all of a sudden, he said his head was pounding and he was having chest pain," Carter explained anxiously, frowning when Dave suddenly closed his eyes. "Dave?"

"Sounds like a panic attack," Dr. Corday observed worriedly. "Doctor Malucci, it's Doctor Corday, can you hear me?"

A faint whimper filled the air, "I…I don't feel good," Dave whimpered weakly. "No…no meds."

"Can you try taking a slow, deep breath?" Elizabeth asked softly. "If you don't want meds…"

Dave complied and promptly took another one without being asked to, but his eyes remained closed, "The pain's…easing up," he whispered in a faint, groggy voice. "I'm really…really tired, though. I…I just want to sleep now. I…I don't think Jing-Mei and Daniel should come later. I'm too tired to…to deal with Daniel today. John…he can stay…if he wants to…"

"Doctor Corday, Dave feels a little cold," Carter observed worriedly as Dave slipped into a deep, quiet sleep. "I noticed that earlier when I was um…giving him a hug. Could someone please get him a heated blanket?"

Dr. Corday noticed the hesitation, however, and gave Carter a look because she did not believe his story, "He was trying to lift his left thigh and was freaking out about it not being able to feel his legs," Carter explained grimly. "I pulled him back and he was crying. I held him and asked him about if he's talked with Daniel about all of this and I think that might have triggered the panic attack. Daniel's got some sort of disability and it sounds like Dave is overwhelmed with being a caregiver. I want to help…so very much, but…I don't know how."

"Maybe talk to Doctor Malucci's friend, Amy Romano-Kovac?" Elizabeth suggested softly. "She knows Daniel better than anyone and she's also a doctor who has several children with challenges. She might know how to help you be able to be of help."

A groggy sniffle suddenly filled the air, "Amy's sick," Dave mumbled sleepily. "It…it sucks."

Carter's eyes widened in horror and Elizabeth suddenly paused, but Dave slipped back into silence as he continued to sleep. The two of them stepped out into the hallway, "Nathan's mother…" Elizabeth spoke grimly. "God…that poor boy has been through enough already and now this…"

"Um, I think Amy was visiting with Nathan today if you want to see her," Carter spoke quietly. "We talked on the phone last night about it cause we were talking about the land sale. She and Dave are selling me the land they used for their clinic so I can build one. I'm paying them both handsomely and I might even give Dave a job there if County won't…"

Elizabeth frowned and Carter sighed, "You might want to check today's paper, though," he continued in a quiet, but amused voice. "Peter…he, um, gave an interview to the Chicago Sun-Times that I think is going to piss a lot of people off, including Anspaugh. I have a copy of the paper in Dave's room. You can borrow it if you want. I'm gonna sit with Dave while he rests and also text Deb not to bring Daniel by today…"

Before Elizabeth could speak, her phone suddenly went off. She quickly checked it and frowned when she saw a text from Luka that Rachel wasn't going to be able to visit Nathan later as they had discussed because Nathan had suffered an unexpected grand mal seizure and they were running tests to figure out why. Nathan, Luka said in the text, had been stabilized, but he was not going to be allowed visitors for the rest of the day except for his parents and grandfather and relevant medical staff and that ban on visitors might get extended depending on how Nathan felt tomorrow.

Elizabeth swore and shaking, she showed the phone to Carter, who looked horrified, "Um, Carter, I hate to run, but I need to…"

"I can go," Carter offered softly, wanting to ask Amy about her sickness anyway cause Dave hadn't gone into details before going into a deeper sleep. "Can you stay?"

Elizabeth nodded and Carter quickly took off down the hallway, determined to get some answers.

"What happened?!" Amy's angry, shrill tone suddenly filled the room as she hurried into Nathan's hospital room just in time to see Nathan's face be covered with an oxygen mask by Sam while Abby, Luka, and Alex watched worriedly. "I was just about to the bottom floor when I got your text, Luka…"

Luka sighed as he faced his obviously angry wife, "Nathan was rubbing his forehead and then he complained of a migraine before…" he began, frowning as Amy suddenly marched over to the bed and held Nathan's free wrist up as if she was looking for something in particular. "What are you doing?"

"That bastard must have stolen Nathan's bracelet to sell for drugs," Amy growled as she looked at Sam questioningly, as Sam had been with Nathan and might have seen the bracelet. "Sam, when you were in the basement with Nathan, did he have a little silver bracelet on either of his wrists?"

Sam shook her head, but she hadn't honestly checked for that because she was too busy taking care of his injuries, and Amy swore, "Nathan has hypoglycemia and I got him the medical bracelet when he was 15 because he was not open about his condition to his teachers and he passed out in school one day after skipping lunch," she explained in a distressed voice. "I also left strict instructions at the Nurse's station that they needed to make sure they watch him eat while he's here or he won't because he'll worry about whether or not everyone else in the family has enough to eat if he's left alone to eat. He needs that presence to reassure him that it's okay to eat his share of food and that he can do it without feeling guilty. He wears long sleeves a lot to hide the bracelet, but that bastard Elton probably found it…"

Just then, Carter hurried into the room along with an anxious looking nurse, who had gotten an alert, "Did Nathan Kovac eat breakfast this morning?" Amy asked sternly, glaring at the nurse in such a way that both Carter and Luka were immediately reminded of Dr. Romano. "Did I not leave specific instructions that a nurse was supposed to sit with him and watch him eat after Dietary delivered his food?! You know what? Just find me his chart and your supervisor! There's gonna be hell to pay."

The nurse nodded and fled from the room. Amy, meanwhile, gently kissed Nathan's forehead before climbing on the bed with him and gently cuddling him, "And he needs another medical bracelet," she spoke in a less angry voice. "Elton's not alive to steal from us anymore, so…it's safe to get now."

"Should you be worrying about all this right now when you've got health issues yourself ?" Carter asked anxiously. "Dave…he mentioned that you were sick while he was sleeping off a panic attack. He's not doing well, so he's not wanting any more visitors today, but I'm going to stay with him…"

Luka and Amy both frowned, and looked very much like they wanted to help, but Amy finally nodded, "Thank you for letting us know," she spoke quietly. "Yes, John. I am sick. I've got ovarian cancer and I'm going to be starting treatment soon…most likely before Nathan gets out of the hospital. My father knows and Dave knows and Nathan knows and now you all do…"

Carter looked incredibly sad and Abby looked pained, as did Alex and Sam, but Luka went and sat in a chair beside Nathan's bed, "Can we have some time to talk, please?" Luka asked in a firm voice, overwhelmed with all that had happened in the day and wanting space to talk things through with his wife. "By ourselves?"

Sam quickly hustled Alex out of there, but Carter and Abby left slowly and quietly made their way down to the lobby via the elevator holding each other in silence.

As they stood together in the lobby, Carter suddenly remembered that Elizabeth was waiting for him in Dave's room because he had promised to stay, "Um, I promised Dave I'd stay with him today," he spoke in an apologetic voice. "He still can't feel his legs or his feet and he had a pretty bad panic attack trying to…"

Abby frowned at hearing that, but she nodded understandingly, "I'll meet you at home later after I go shopping and to AA," she replied softly, frowning when Carter suddenly looked incredibly sad. "What?"

"Do you remember Doctor Rogers from Africa?" Carter asked softly, suddenly remembering what he had overheard Dave tell Elizabeth. "She and Dave sort of had a flirtmance when he was there…"

Abby nodded, frowning at Carter's intense sadness, "I was on my way to visit Dave when I heard him tell Doctor Corday that a letter came for him from Doctors Without Borders yesterday via special courier," Carter explained grimly. "Magdalynn's body was found on a road in rural Kinshasa a week ago. Deb…Jing-Mei…Dave said, was with him and just held him and let him cry…"

All of a sudden, Carter trailed off as he noticed an anxious looking Jing-Mei step off of a nearby elevator wearing an oversized winter coat over her clothes and holding her abdomen as if she were trying to protect it. Quickly realizing what was going on, Carter silently hurried over to her and Jing-Mei paused uncertainly when she saw Carter approach, as she hadn't had any time to process the news herself and she would now need to share it with Carter. She had wanted to tell Dave when she brought Daniel tonight, but while she had been up in O.B., she had received a text from Dr. Corday that Dave had suffered a panic attack that had left him tired and not wanting her to bring Daniel that night.

Jing-Mei had understood Dave's need to rest, and she and Daniel would be fine, as she followed Dave's instructions for Daniel's evening routines and Daniel responded to her quite well, but she had wanted to tell Dave about their baby now that she was sure it existed and was definitely healthy.

"Deb?" Carter pressed worriedly, noticing that Jing-Mei was staring off into space looking solemn.

Jing-Mei sighed as she looked at Carter, "How far along are you?" Carter asked simply.

"Almost nine weeks," Jing-Mei replied softly, sighing nervously. "Dave and I were intimate back in September and I missed October's period, but I didn't think anything of it. I've also been tired…"

Carter looked shocked, "You obviously haven't told him yet," he reasoned softly. "And…"

"Doctor Corday texted me and said Dave didn't want me to bring Daniel by tonight because he's not feeling well, so he's not going to find out tonight," Jing-Mei replied softly. "I had planned to tell him and I wanted us to talk about it. We got pregnant back in 2000, not long after Lucy was killed, but we lost it and we never really got to talk about it cause I hooked up with that ICU nurse and Dave…"

Carter sighed, as he suddenly understood the root of all of Dave's past irresponsible behavior, especially the behaviors that had led to him getting fired from his residency at County. Dave had lost himself after losing his child and he had acted out because he didn't know how else to deal with his grief. Carter completely understood Dave's pain because he had personally suffered the same sort of inner loss after Joshua had died. Dave had lost a child and hadn't gotten any help for it. Then again, Carter thought, nobody, including him, had taken the man seriously during his residency and a request for counseling probably would have been met with disdain back then even if Dave had revealed why he needed it.

"Do you need anything?" Carter asked in a concerned voice. "Do you and Daniel need anything?"

Jing-Mei sighed, "A nap," she admitted softly. "I might be able to take one before I have to go get Daniel from school. He can't walk home alone and Dave doesn't want him to. He's going to be unhappy about not being able to see Dave today, but I'm not bringing Daniel to the hospital when Dave's specifically asked for no visitors due to being unwell. He barely says no to time with Daniel even when he's exhausted, so I know he's really not well. I might be able to calm Daniel if I take him out to McDonald's for supper or somewhere with a playplace, though, and say Dave told me to do it, but I am tired…"

Carter sighed, "How about Abby, Maggie, and I join you and Daniel for dinner tonight?" he offered softly. "I think Daniel likes us. He hasn't shown that he doesn't like us. Abby, are you okay with that?"

Abby nodded and gently embraced Jing-Mei, "Congrats, by the way," she offered softly. "I saw you holding your stomach and figured it out. Do you need anything for the baby? Have you told Dave?"

"I'm going to let you two talk," Carter spoke up nervously, suddenly feeling nervous about being around baby-planning talk simply because the familiar ache of sadness he had developed when he lost Joshua was filling his heart again and he knew he needed to detach himself from the conversation immediately.

Abby gave Carter a concerned look, as she could tell that the conversation about baby-planning was bothering him due to his memories of Joshua, but he waved her off, "I'm going back upstairs to sit with Dave for a while," Carter replied firmly as he worked to compose himself enough so they would leave him alone with his grief. "Text when you wanna go to dinner. Abby, can you walk Jing-Mei out?"

Before Abby or Jing-Mei could reply, Carter silently returned to the elevator and immediately got inside when it came. Instead of returning to Dave's room, however, Carter pressed the button for the Psych floor because he wanted to see if he could get a walk-in appointment to talk to someone. As the elevator began to move, he immediately felt ashamed of himself, as he should be absolutely thrilled for Dave and Jing-Mei, but their news was a reminder of what he had lost and would probably never have again: a child born to him. The loss of Joshua would always hurt, Carter knew, and he would probably always need counseling to deal with it. He loved Maggie to death and would always love her, but the death of his natural-born child was a pain that could not simply be erased just because he and Abby had gotten to adopt Maggie. Maggie was not a replacement for Joshua and nothing ever would be. Nor was the pain from losing of Joshua ever going to fully fade.