She had been drinking for two nights and two mornings. The beer hadn't done its job. Misato felt sad, and most importantly, lonely.
It was true even with Shinji just a room away. Without a sync test, there wasn't a reason for him to be up and about. Being the sweetheart that he was, Shinji would have scampered to make her breakfast, all for her. She couldn't let him do that now, not when she already owed so much to him. No reason to burden him with her feelings. Misato took another drink like it was a lifeline.
Holding a Yebisu can in her hand, Misato thought of Kaji. She thought of the ways she'd tell herself he was human, he cared about her and didn't mean to hurt her, all the ways she acted to avoid feeling guilty around him, and how he rendered them a waste. The other night she had a wonderful evening with Shinji when Section-2 called her in. She met the Sub-Commander who informed her of Kaji, that he was a spy sent by the JSSDF to compromise NERV's operations, delivering plans of the facility and leaking information so all the pilots would be in one place for a possible invasion.
It was clear from the Sub-Commander's tone that Kaji couldn't be let back out due to being a potential security risk and had to be dealt with. Misato didn't hesitate when taking the assignment.
Kaji had seen her at her filthiest, most rotten form, and took advantage as he always did. He was terrible, hurting her the way only a man like him could. He hurt Shinji too, isolating him from the world at a time he felt so alone, depriving them of a comfortable apartment and a life outside of NERV. This time, Kaji crossed a line she couldn't tolerate. If he had to die, it had to be done by her hand. Anything else, anyone else, would be wrong.
Yet still Misato wavered when confronted by the sight of him beaten and bruised. Even at the end Kaji elicited her sympathy. She couldn't hide the truth from him, watching his face react in horror brought her a harsh bout of guilt as much as vindictive satisfaction for the years he tormented her. It took all Misato had to remember her mission, summoning her righteous fury to perform the execution. She shut him out for the last time as she shot him dead, as she had to. A second more would have meant hesitation, a sign of weakness he could exploit once again.
He always found a way to make her weak. Now, Kaji would never have the chance to do it again. She was safe from him, forever.
Even so, as she left the cell Misato weeped for him. He was her lover long ago. Even this betrayal hadn't changed that past. Try as she might Misato couldn't find it in her heart to hate him. She held herself together for the Sub-Commander, relaying her report so she could go home in peace. Near the end of the briefing, Iscariot wondered out loud why Misato took on the assignment.
"He lied to everyone including me. He ruined Shinji's life for his own personal gain, I had to take the shot!"
"The Third Child? You take your guardianship seriously, don't you? Not what I expected from you Katsuragi."
"I… I don't want him to get hurt. We've sort of dug into each other's hearts like that I guess."
Mary Iscariot nodded at this, letting Misato go for the night. She only informed her that she would receive a set of documents to look over the following week. Misato barely remembered that, only thinking of rushing back to her room to let her Shinji hold her as he usually did. How was he so good to her? If Misato was ever more desperate, she'd have taken him to her bed and begged for his comfort. She could see the scene play before her, gasping his name in loving moans as he sat on top of her lap with his soft eyes and flushing cheeks...
But Misato knew better. She kept herself at bay. Shinji loved her, but she had to introduce him slowly. She needed to ensure she didn't see her as filthy when they did the deed. She didn't put out for anyone, she would only do it with him, he had to see that! He needed to know that, having already heard what he thought of her messy clothes and teasing when they first started.
A knock on the door. Misato didn't organize herself as she opened the door.
"Um, Major. The documents as the Sub-Commander said."
"Thanks Hyuuga." Misato waved him off. "Now go."
She found it amusing how Hyuuga tried to ignore her awkward state of dress, eyes looking away from her barely covered breasts. Misato shut the door, bringing the box down to the table.
"Time to see what's inside of these."
Misato picked a pair of folders from the box. Briefly taking a glance inside, she saw they were reports about upcoming events she would have to partake in as Major, along with personal belongings from…
"…"
Misato held the pen drive in her hand, along with a cassette player. She knew where it came from, her finger twitching in anticipation as she pressed the play button.
"Hi Misato. If you're hearing this, well, you probably won't be seeing me ever again. I'm sorry about what happened at dinner. I had hope and, well, you said no. I shouldn't have had my hopes up."
Her hand trembled.
"But now I have to tell you something important. It is of the upmost confidence and you're the only one I trust-"
She heard enough. Misato threw the player against the wall, letting out a guttural scream.
"WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?! I'M FREE FROM YOU! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME! FUCK OFF! I HATE YOU, YOU STUPID IGNORANT PIG! I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL BASTARD, YOU HEAR ME! ROT!"
Looking over the remains of the player, Misato couldn't stop the tears again. She grasped her hair in frustration, hating herself for what she had done. The last she'd ever hear of Kaji's voice was gone, and it was by her hand again. Misato glanced at the pen drive and chugged it to the trash. She had to erase him from her life, she had to-
"Misato, what's wrong?"
Shinji. He came out of the room, his eyes full of worry as he slowly walked toward her. He was afraid, as he should be Misato thought, but he pushed through to hold her again. She welcomed the arms around her shoulders.
"Are you okay?"
"… No, Shinji. I'm not." Misato said. "I will be, now that you're here."
His touch was so soothing it drove her insane. She kissed his cheek and held him for several minutes to calm down. He didn't even know but he came. Shinji was so perfect it made her as dirty as he claimed her to be.
"Sorry, Shinji. I had a lot on my mind and it got to me. Could you make breakfast for us?"
Shinji nodded. His gaze told her if she needed to talk, a sentiment Misato appreciated even as she denied the request in her head. As she thought before, he didn't need to know. While he cooked eggs, Misato looked over the other documents to take her mind off of Kaji.
The report was sobering. A failed integration of the S-2 engine into Unit 04 led to the entire Nevada facility being destroyed. Due to the casualties, NERV America scrambled to send Unit 03 over to Japan, clearly aiming to get the accursed object as fast as humanely possible. With so much about the Evas left unknown, not a soul wanted to take a risk finding out what other disaster could happen with one.
Idiots, Misato thought of them. If they kept the Eva they could have conquered more of the world than they already have. America was never good at using its resources wisely.
Fortunately for NERV Japan, the Marduk Institute had found the Fourth Child at the same time. A bit convenient for Misato's liking, but not unexpected. Shinji was recruited more or less just before the Third Angel came. Maybe the people running the Institute were just really lucky.
She proceeded to look at the Fourth Child's profile. The name immediately made Misato frown.
"Just our fucking luck…"
"Language!"
She chuckled at that. "Sure thing, Dad. I'll keep my mouth shut as soon as you pass me another cold one. My drink's empty."
Shinji did as she asked, bringing another can from the fridge. Misato sipped it just as he hurried back to the stove.
"I was looking over the report the Sub-Commander gave me. We're going to get a new Eva and a pilot."
"That so?"
"Yeah. Unit 03, from America. An accident happened and now they're bringing it here. The Institute found another pilot for it."
Thankfully, Shinji didn't ask what happened to the American pilot. He pumped his hand up to the air.
"Well, they're going to have to play catch up. They won't be beating the best pilot at the base any time soon!"
"They sure won't!" Misato laughed a bit forcefully. "But I'm worried about how you'll get along with him."
"How come?" Shinji placed the eggs on a plate, handing it over to Misato. "Did he do something wrong?"
She took the plate, setting it on the table. She didn't dare to eat yet.
"The Fourth Child is… well, you know him. Toji Suzuhara. He was the boy that attacked you during the Fourth Angel, the one who…"
Immediately, Shinji's eyes widened as he took a step back.
"He was picked…" Shinji frowned. "Why?! There is no way he'd agree to be a pilot after… what I did."
"That's my thought too." Misato brought the folder up. "He cooperated under two conditions. One was to send money to his dad and some girl's family. The second was… to meet you. He won't join unless he's seen you first."
He frowned at this knowledge, turning around to avoid having Misato see his face. His body trembled.
"Shinji, you can say no. I'll fight the Sub-Commander on this if I have to."
Misato wasn't sure if she could, but she knew how precarious the situation was. Shinji had enough on his plate, seeing the boy who he hurt? Who's sister died because of the Eva? A glaring reminder of his imprisonment? There was no way this would end well. Being the pessimist he usually was, Shinji knew this well before she did. She saw how he was barely able to keep together.
"I… see."
"I mean it. Just say the word. We can find other pilots."
Her disappointed tone made him turn back to her, just as she predicted. He was trying not to let the fear show on his face. He failed miserably, but Misato allowed him the effort.
"I- I think I can do this." He said, letting out a weak laugh. "Like you said, I'm number one. I mustn't run away, right?"
Misato smiled. She kissed Shinji on the lips, much to his surprise.
"If you're sure, Shinji… I can make it go away."
"I'm not." He admitted. "But more pilots is better right? I can do this."
"Good boy." Misato nodded. "I'll show you to him soon."
An hour later, she took him to the Fourth Child.
He did not look well. From the last Shinji saw him, Suzuhara was a proud athlete with a harsh tan no doubt formed from playing out in the sun all day. He could have broken his bones like tissue paper if he so wanted. Now, the other boy looked thin and exhausted. He had bags under his eyes and wore the regular school uniform. He felt more of a hollowed out doll than a person.
'Of course he would be. You killed his sister.'
Shinji reconsidered his decision. He could take Misato's offer and bolt, let Toji think he had been stiffed. He had done enough to ruin his life, did he really need to see the face of his sister's killer in his first steps to Hell? Shinji should run away from the safe room they placed Suzuhara in, let NERV find another pilot. Why would Suzuhara even pilot for them?! Was the money that enticing for him? It made no sense.
However, seeing the boy through the glass only made Shinji feel more guilty for putting it off. He knew how little choice NERV gave others. He respected how Suzuhara demanded NERV pay his family, a more noble effort than anything he ever did. Suzuhara was brave. If the boy wanted to punish him, he might as well be allowed to have revenge. Shame overwhelmed him, so much that Shinji decided to enter.
'Besides, Misato wouldn't like it if I ran.'
Resenting her in his mind, Shinji opened the door and stepped inside the room. Toji turned and faced him. A scowl appeared once he realized who he was talking to.
"You're… you're him. That kid."
"…"
Shinji looked away. Where do they even begin? Their last encounter had Misato throw him to the ground when he tried to attack. No way he would have forgotten that.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you." He heard Suzuhara say. "Don't make this harder on me, asshole!"
Gulping, Shinji looked at him. Toji wasn't happy, clearly lost in thought over what to say. He crossed his arms and tapped his foot, anxious over his situation. Shinji said nothing in response, having lost his nerve. It went on like this for several minutes, until Toji broke the ice between them.
"I've wondered what I would say to you if I ever saw your face again. Your robot killed my sister."
"I'm sorry." Shinji found it easy to say. "I mean that, I didn't know about the Eva. That Angel was my first time I ever piloted one."
"We know. You were the talk of the school since you stopped that other robot. Everyone knows who you are, Ikari."
"…"
"You really didn't get training? Brought in at the last second? NERV had nobody else on hand?"
"… Pretty much." Shinji admitted. "My father commands NERV. He had another pilot and she was hurt, so I had to take her place. I didn't know what I was doing, and I hardly remembered anything that happened. I woke up the next day not knowing how I beat the Angel. Sometimes, I get nightmares about it."
"You sure you don't know anything? Really?"
"I swear it's the truth. Father made me do it, and I don't have a choice in leaving. If I had known, I- I'd like to think I would have tried-"
Shinji stopped himself. He sighed.
"- Or, I maybe I wouldn't have. I don't know, I'm still so sorry. I couldn't stop thinking about your sister's death. She deserved to live, not me. I'm a sneaky dishonest coward. She deserved better."
His eyes turned to the floor. It was as honest an apology as he could give to the other boy. He was ready to face justice, ready to have the other boy really lay into him.
"So it wasn't your fault after all."
What? Shinji looked back at Suzahara, not sure if he heard right.
"What?"
"From what it sounds like, yer dad forced you to pilot the Eva when ya didn't know anything. Far as I can tell yer just as much of a victim in this mess as… she was…"
Toji looked away, trying to hold himself back from crying.
"And I blamed you for it. I tried to kill you for something you had no control over. I'm sorry too."
"B- But it was my fault!" Shinji yelled. "I'm a coward, I was weak and couldn't stop it from happening! If I was brave I would have said no… If I fought harder, she would have survived! It's not fair, it's not fair at all!"
Shinji hadn't thought of Toji's sister in a long time, but the truth flowed out of him as if he were possessed. He realized how much he held back from others until now. Toji stared at Shinji for another long moment.
"… Let's hit each other."
"What?"
"It's revenge." Toji explained. "I'm bothered by ya just as much as I'm bothered by you being forced into piloting that stupid thing. Let's just get this out of the way so that we work together better, okay?"
"Y- You're serious?"
"You want to make it up to me? Do this and we'll call it even. I'll go first if you're gonna be a pansy about this."
Shinji couldn't disagree with Toji's proposition. He pointed at his left cheek.
"Make it hurt then."
Watching Toji wind his arm up felt more agonizing than the actual punch. When it came Shinji almost felt relieved as he tumbled onto the floor and took it. Sure, he felt the need to cry but he would save that for later.
"Okay, now you. I would feel guilty if I hit a defenseless guy."
Shinji raised his hand. He made it quick, punching Toji squarely in the face, as hard as he could manage. It only caused Toji to briefly stumble back. In response, the other boy nodded his head.
"Great. Now we're even."
He slapped Shinji's shoulder, and shook hands. Shinji wasn't sure where they stood, but it was probably better than they were minutes ago.
"If nothing else, I'll have more of a head start than you did. Kensuke's recorded your fights, including the Angel from yesterday. Good job on that by the way."
"Thanks."
"Um, could you tell me what to expect when I pilot the Eva? If you can, anyway."
"Well, erm, you sit in the entry plug and… you become one with it I guess. From there, it gets easier. You're piloting the Eva as if it were your own body, so you feel pain when the Eva gets hit."
"Great, so I get to take all of Angel's shitty laser beams. Thanks. Funny way of making me feel sorry for you, Ikari."
"I didn't mean to."
"Ah, shaddup. What about the other Evas? Ya know anything about the pilots?"
"Ayanami is…" Shinji frowned. "I don't know her. Asuka's a lot like you actually. I think you'd get along."
"I sure hope so. Hopefully not too much, Hikari'll kill me if she catches me cheating."
"Hikari?"
"Your old class rep. She's my girlfriend now. Come to think of it, moving into the base is gonna be a problem for us. I'll have to call her frequently if I don't wanna lose her."
They talked for a while, before leaving the room together. Misato was outside, waiting to fetch Shinji.
"Hey Shinji I- What the hell happened to your face?!"
Shinji looked from Toji back to Misato. He gulped.
"Erm, I tripped."
"Me too, hahahahaha!" Toji blushed as he bowed. "Um, are you uh the Major Katsuragi I heard about? Suzuhara Toji, sorry for that time in the supermarket, it was incredibly stupid of me to pick a fight with you, it won't happen again and I'm ready to pilot for you ma'am!"
Misato laughed. "I'm sure you are. I'll be going going with you and Ritsuko to Matsushiro tomorrow, so don't stay up too late."
"Great! I'll call my, uh, Hikari and let her know what I'm doing! I hope things go well."
Toji mouthed you really live with her!? toward Shinji before he left. For his part, Shinji let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.
"Finally, it's over… it went better than I thought."
"I'll say." Misato rubbed his cheek. "Now spill. Did you really trip?"
He couldn't keep a secret from Misato when she asked directly, so he told her.
"It was revenge. Since I killed his sister, I let him hit me. It's only fair."
"Hmmm." Misato hummed. "I'll allow it, but he better keep his hands to himself when he actually pilots."
"He'll be alright, I think." Shinji's lips curled upward. "He, uh, won't be moving in with us, will he?"
"Ha, jealous? Don't worry, you're the only boy I have my eyes on. Toji's going to be in his own room, by his request I'll add."
"Nice to know. I guess. So you're really going tomorrow?"
"Unfortunately. I have to oversee Unit 03's test. It's only for a couple of days, not a big deal."
"…"
"Tell you what, we'll have ourselves a fancy dinner tonight, my treat. It's what you get for being a good boy~"
Unable to fight the blush on his face, Shinji thought it sounded good.
As it turned out, Misato's idea of a fancy dinner was the same thing they did every night but with nicer clothes.
They sat around the kitchen table, as they did, Shinji was in a dress shirt and jeans, while Misato was in a low cut black dress. Pen-Pen was safely tucked asleep inside of his compartment so it was just the two to themselves that night. Misato poured beer into her glass like it was wine, taking a sip from it.
"Ahhhhh… that's the stuff people live their whole lives for."
"Personally I think sleeping is better than drinking."
"Sleep is good but for busy people it's different. You wanna get happy? You drink! Parties, raves and after-work sessions, beer brings people together. You'll understand when you get friends."
"I can't really imagine bringing someone like Asuka to this."
"Ohhh, her again. I meant your new friend."
"It's not like that, Misato. Toji is… I don't know what we are, but just because we made up doesn't mean we'll be friends."
"Only if you chicken out, hicc like you usually do."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Did I say that? hicc Well, you do this thing where you're polite enought but it's just a way to evade people. You do this when I talk to you, and Ritsuko talks to you, anyone, especially early on. Always found that annoying, like you wouldn't let me in."
"I… don't..."
"I know, you need your space but how can I help you if you didn't let me in? That's changed now of course, you're more open. I can read your every move like a chess game, hohohoooooooo!"
"… sure."
"Another one, haaaa so goooood…"
Compared to the last few days, Misato was acting like a happy drunk rather than a sullen one. Whatever was on her mind was probably buried under hundred pounds of liquor. Or she was keeping under wraps for their date. Shinji thought better of pushing, knowing Misato had her reasons.
Due to all the shaking, Misato's dress came tight around her. Her chest bounced in places which made Shinji blush. He had felt them between his head in bed, which only drew more of Shinji's attention to them. He wondered if it was right to leer like this. Even if Misato was his girlfriend, would she approve? Was this something a good boyfriend would do?
"Pretty baby, I see how you're staring." Misato happily pushed her chest up. "You're so greedy. You get to sleep to these babies but wanna see more! Maybe if you're good I'll let you touch 'em, heheheheh, just kidding!"
The guilt promptly vanished, and Shinji decided to hold her to that promise.
"You're always drinking that stuff." He said, anxiously messing with his collar. "It can't seriously be that good is it?"
Misato shook the glass from side to side. "Wanna try it? Adults drink all the time, and you're becoming quite the man from what I've seen Shin-chan~"
The nickname irked him, but Shinji bit it down.
"Another time maybe. I'm not like you, I don't feel like drinking."
Misato's eye twitched. "Beer's not just a me thing, you now. It's good to try something new every now and then, unless…"
"Unless what?"
"You're a chicken."
"Misato, I am not-"
"Chicken!"
She made clucking noises, which annoyed Shinji to no end. He thought he was done having to prove himself to Misato?
"Okay, fine! I'll do it just to get you to stop being so annoying!"
"Can't handle me at my -hicc- worst and all that. Driiiiiiink, you've looooove it!"
Shinji took the glass from her hand, taking a small sip before coughing. Then, as Misato stared, he took a bigger sip. Then a bigger one, before chugging the whole thing down. It was bitter, but the more he drank the more the taste became intoxicating. Being a teenager, he was lightheaded from his first attempt at drinking like an adult.
"You weren't joking at all! This is so good!"
He took another can to drink, to Misato's smug satisfaction. Normally he'd be irritated by Misato tricking him like that, but he didn't care. Shinji drank more, seven or eight cans if his counting was right, and he already lost himself to the buzz.
"See? I knew you'd love it." Misato said. "Never stop making me proud."
She went in closer, ruffling Shinji's hair which made his heart skip a beat. Even drunk he couldn't resist her affections.
"T- Thanks…"
"Come on!" Misato pulled him up from the chair. "Let's dance!"
"But there's no music!"
"Right! Let's see what I remember… fly me to the moooooooon, and let me siiiiiinnnng foreeeeveeeerrrr moreeeeee…"
"Misato."
"It's a song from this old show, they took it out for the rerun but I love that song. You are all I long foooooor, all I worshiiiip and adooooooreeeeee…"
Her singing was so awful it looped back around to be adorable, in Shinji's eyes. Misato took him by the hand and danced around the apartment, not caring if anyone heard. Shinji was swept away by her charm, trying to awkwardly dance along with her while giggling like an idiot. Not just because of the alcohol, but also because Misato's cheeriness got to him as well. He could feel kisses on his cheeks as he tried go match her dancing.
"I am having fun Misatooooooo, whoah the room is spinning!"
"You're such a lightweight, it only gets like that for me on the… actually, I don't remember."
"I don't think I can… ummmm…"
"Hold it in, Shinji, you'll only hurt yourself if you hurl right now."
"But-"
Misato led Shinji to the trash can, wincing as she watched him vomit. His stomach must have weak constitution, she thought as Shinji turned to her apologetically.
"I'm soooorryyyy…"
"It's fine, Shinji. Maybe hicc you just need practice."
Ritsuko and Kaji usually held themselves together when they went out back in the day. Then again, neither of them were teenagers like Shinji. Asuka didn't do so hot after her first beer. Misato felt shame upon that thought.
"Why don't we just sit down for a minute?"
They did, taking seats in their couch. Misato turned on the TV to watch whatever was playing. Something about a dog show, neither really cared. Misato held Shinji over his shoulder, as Shinji did the same over her waist. They gazed into each other's eyes, longing but not willing to take a step further.
"I keep forgetting, you're still young." Misato admitted. "It's not your fault, I just gotta be careful with hicc you. You're a virgiiiiinnnnnn unlike meeeeeee!"
"Hmph." Shinji flushed in embarrassment. "You probably never vomited in front of Kaji."
"Oh I did. Well, not with him but with a guy I met in a bar somewhere. Nice time, until I drank too much for my first time and hurled on the dance floor. Good time otherwise."
"Not with just a few drinks though…"
"Shut it, Shin-chan. Kiss me pretty boy!"
She reached to Shinji, almost dry humping his lap. She went for a smooch on the lips, only to be disappointed when he shrank away. Shinji seemed bothered, something that angered Misato.
"Come on, you're a boy. You're supposed to like this stuff."
"I do but… I'm not feeling too well…" Shinji said. "I'm tired. Please… um… ah, ah I'm feeling weird, AH!"
Before Misato could respond, she felt a yawn come out of her lips. She sighed and forced herself back to her side of the couch.
"Me too I guess, me too… Momma's gonna sleep soon, g'niiiiiight…"
After a moment, she dozed off in the couch. Shinji sat next to her disappointed in himself. He felt a damp spot in his pants, which he was thankful Misato did not notice. Her grinding against him was... intense.
"Is she mad at me…?"
In his odd haze, Shinji couldn't think of a reason Misato would be angry. He did everything as she asked. Was it the vomiting? Or refusing to kiss her? Or maybe just doing something she couldn't predict, Shinji thought with sudden bitterness. Was Misato toying with him? He knew she liked to tease but there were times he felt she was too much. He felt insulted, especially as she seemed to be dangling sex just now.
Did he want it though? He thought of it, maybe he wanted it, but actually doing it made Shinji nervous. He was almost relieved she fell asleep even as his loins were stirring again.
He looked at her unconscious form. Her breasts heaved as she breathed, the dress doing much to accentuate her form. Her lips were glossy from the lipstick she applied to it. Shinji realized he must have some marks on his face from earlier. He touched his cheeks to feel the marks stained on them.
"What does she want from me?"
Shinji didn't know. And he probably wouldn't get an answer for some time.
Tentatively, he reached out for her hand and held it, wondering what will happen between them next time.
The next day came. Misato forgot the previous night. Shinji told her most of it, but she could tell he was being evasive. She didn't bring it up even though she hated not knowing the full truth from her boyfriend. Shinji should be more forthcoming with her, did he not trust her? Maybe she should have let him touch her boobs if he was going to play hard to get.
Shinji watched her leave, telling her bye as she left. Misato pointedly said nothing back. Her little revenge for denying her again.
As she told him, Misato took a carrier to oversee the Matsushiro site. The next three days were to be long and busy ones, so she had to prepare for the inevitable hours of paperwork and that were to come with Unit 03's transfer and maintenance. No can of Yebisu or dance in sight, just her, a cold gray room, and Ritsuko. Brrr, she could feel the chill knowing Ritsuko was her only company until it was over.
The first day, Misato was there to see Unit 03's arrival.
It felt ominous as she watched the transport aircraft settle the Eva down. It resembled Unit 01, coming across as its twin but colored black with white highlights and lacking the signature horn. Unit 00 was a cyclops, the red/gold Unit 02 was a heroic champion even with its four eyes, Unit 01 was an armored beast waiting to be unleashed, while Unit 03… it was the most an Eva resembled a demon, something Ritsuko noted with amusement. According to chatter, the aircraft picked up turbulence upon crossing a particularly thick set of clouds. Thankfully nothing went wrong. Unit 03 was dropped without fanfare, the rest of the day devoted to moving it inside.
The second day was boring by comparison. Tuning up the Eva to make sure it was ready for testing, make calls for clearances, and so much paperwork, much to Misato's chagrin. Some idiot dropped a power chord meant to go in the Eva's emergency battery pack, almost frying the entire walkway. That idiot was fired, and the crew had to work overtime to get back on schedule.
The third day, Unit 03 was cleared for testing. Toji Suzuhara was brought in to begin the synchronization test. From there, it would only be simple to move him to base along with the other pilots and begin proper training. Anything that can be used against the Angels has to be accounted for.
At the moment, Misato was overseeing final preparations with Ritsuko. She was professional as she could be, but Ritsuko noticed how tired she seemed.
"You good, Misato? We need our Major to focus."
"Tell me something I don't know." She sighed. "I'm frustrated by… everything."
"I assume you mean Kaji." At Misato's surprised look Ritsuko felt the need to exolain. "The Commander keeps me informed of everything on the base. We haven't really had the chance to talk and… to be honest, I was trying to process my own feelings on this too. It can't have been easy to have to be the one to… you know…"
It was close to the truth, Misato nodded. "Yeah. I would say I couldn't believe he betrayed us like that. But somehow, I knew it was going to happen."
"You did?" Ritsuko was shocked. "Did you hate him that much?"
"Maybe." She admitted. "He always reminded me too much of Dad, I couldn't stay with him. Then it turns out he was a spy and hurt Shinji, and I… no it isn't just about him. If I'm being honest, I wanted Kaji gone for a while, but I never had a reason to do anything about it until now."
"God, Misato." Ritsuko was horrified to hear this. "You can't be serious. He was our friend, even if you couldn't get along!"
"I know, it's what makes me feel worse. To tell you the truth, I hate myself. I can't even get revenge on the people who put him up to it, since we need the JSSDF's cooperation for the Angels. I hate being lied to, especially by someone who supposedly cares about me."
She laughed, which felt forced. "At least I got you. You wouldn't lie to me, would you?"
Ritsuko raised a cigarette. "I hope not. Still, to think you'd go that far… I don't know what to think."
"Well, what do you think? Did you and Kaji ever sneak one behind me while I was out?"
"N- No! It was just teasing, Misato! Nothing ever happened! I loved him, but the same way I love you."
"Aw, so threesome was never an option then?"
"You're being impossible!"
"Yeah I guess so." Misato looked at Ritsuko curiously. "You ever ran into my problems? Like, ever dating someone who reminded you of your mom?"
At that, Ritsuko glared at her friend. "I'd kill myself if I saw my mom in the people I fuck."
"Not a mommy fetishist then."
"Misato!"
"Hahahaha, made you blush!"
"You're still so immature."
"It's my chaaaaaarm!"
"More like your fucking curse. Geez, grow up already you stupid floozie."
"Says the blond."
"I have achievements."
"You got no man."
Ritsuko bit her tongue, as Misato spotted Toji on the walkway. He shyly waved at her as he entered the entry plug. The brief scene made Ritsuko remember a question she wanted to ask.
"Misato… how's Shinji doing?"
"Oh?" Misato raised an eyebrow. "He's fine, doing great. Why do you ask?"
"He's been cheerier the last few days. He doesn't really talk to anyone besides you. Or Asuka, so he says. Did anything happen to cause this… increase in ego?"
"Not really. Why would I know?"
"You're his guardian. Surely you've noticed something."
"Nope. Even if I did, why is it a problem? He beat the Angel and he's gotten so much better since he started, why not let him act out a bit?"
"I've heard complaints from the staff about his smug attitude."
"They're probably just jealous. He's the pilot saving their butts and they're so ungrateful. Frankly, I don't care about their whining. My Shinji's number one, always has been always will be."
"He's put the moves on me."
Misato sharply turned at that. She saw Ritsuko frowning.
"Did he now?"
"Yup. He just looked at my skirt and said… nice."
To believe it or not, Misato didn't know. Shinji was a prude, he wouldn't do something so gauche as to compliment a superior officer so lewdly like that. Not when he's devoted to her anyway. But on the other hand, she'd like to tease even when she dated Kaji, and Shinji's gotten cockier. She'd talk to him about it when she got back. For now, though, there was prime material to tease with.
"What'd you say to him?"
"Huh?"
"Did you flirt back, or did you take him to the labs and have your way with my Shinji? I heard he's quite good in bed~"
Ritsuko gasped. "YOU DEGENERATE! I'd never do something so disgusting!"
"Hahahahahahahaha! You're acting so silly. As if Shinji would go for something like that."
"Y- You!" Ritsuko crossed her arms. "Whatever you say, Misato. Just don't go too far with that kid yourself or else."
What did she mean? Misato felt a spike of fear, but she couldn't say anything as Toji's face came to the screen.
"Um, Pilot Suzuhara, reporting for duty ma'am! And ma'am."
Clearly, Toji had met Ritsuko as he glared at her. Misato played the good cop as she spoke.
"Just tell me if you're not up to something. No need for fake bravado. This is just a sync test, nothing to prove yourself with."
"I'm not up for anything. This thing scares me." Toji frowned. "Just sitting in this thing gives me the creeps. I hope I don't have to do anything out in the field."
"Unfortunately, you just might." Ritsuko looked at the data. "Synchronization commencing…"
The test went normally. The ratio was high enough, and Misato was distracted with her own bullshit. Ritsuko briefly wondered about Suzuhara's mother, and how she'd feel about her dead daughter and her son piloting the Eva. They had to extract much just to get these children to work for them. No doubt Mother was cursing them from beyond the grave.
"30%, good for a first time. Language synchronization beginning…"
There was a doubt she had to clarify, before Misato had the chance to slip away. Ritsuko bit the bullet and turned to face her friend. For her safety, Ritsuko turned off the microphone so the kid wouldn't hear.
"Misato."
"Hm?"
"Did you and Shinji…?"
Unfortunately, it was the wrong moment to mute Toji. Neither of the women could hear him scream in pain, or see Unit 03's eyes begin to glow yellow.
Before long, NERV heard about the explosion in Matsushiro.
An orange pattern was detected, camera footage revealing Unit 03 had been possessed by an Angel. Any attempt to eject the entry plug was prevented by a biomass formed around it. Unit 03 was then reclassified as the thirteenth Angel, Bardiel, and orders were given to eliminate it at once.
With no time to waste, the Children were sent to intercept the Angel. Each of them carried a weapon, Unit 01 and 02 holding progressive knives while 00 had the pallet gun. From what the MAGI could detect Unit 03 was on the move and fast.
Shinji opened the comms channel, wanting to clarify his doubts to Asuka and possibly to the bridge.
"Toji is…" Shinji said. "He's still inside the Eva right?"
"Toji? You know the new kid?" Asuka asked. "Of course you do, he seemed like the kind of annoying shit head to be friends with you."
"He was someone I… knew." Shinji shook his head. "So he's still in the Eva?"
"Correct." Commander Ikari said through the frequency. "You are to destroy the Eva at once."
"What?! That's unnecessary" Asuka said. "I can pick the pilot out with the knife, just give me a few minutes sir!"
"That's an order, Soryu. Do your job or die to the Angel."
"Like hell, you son of a-!"
Suddenly her feed was cut off. Shigeru Aoba detected the Angel's pattern over Unit 02's.
"Unit 03 intercepted Unit 02! We lost contact, she's probably down for the count. Angel is on its way to intercept Unit 00."
Shinji saw Rei's face on the comms. She bit her lip as Bardiel attacked her, and yelled in pain when the Angel did something. The systems detected her arm had been sliced off, which meant Rei felt the pain. Despite himself, Shinji felt a tinge of pity for her.
"Disconnect the pilot's arm." Commander Ikari said coldly. "It is useless now."
Rei screamed in pain. Shinji felt his pity increase, even as he tried to push it down. Unit 03 was heading his way. At his father's cold indifference, Shinji only had one response.
"Father. I won't kill him for you."
Unit 03 arrived immediately. It went on the attack, Shinji having to defend himself from Unit 03's claws. Even with the progressive knife in hand, this was a battle Shinji wasn't prepared for. The last Angel was easy pickings. Unit 03 moved and howled like a predator stalking its prey. A being that could take out Asuka and Rei so easily meant Shinji was defenseless against it.
"Pilot, you must eliminate the Angel. Otherwise humanity dies."
"No! I killed his sister, I won't kill him either!" Shinji screamed. "Rot in hell, father!"
The battle continued. The few times he was close enough, Shinji made swipes to take the plug out, but to no avail. Unit 03 was more agile and stronger than Unit 01. Eventually, its elongated arms stretched to grab Unit 01 by the neck, strangling Shinji in its death grip.
As Shinji fought for his life. Gendo glared at the screen. He turned to Iscariot, who shook her head in disapproval, and then to the crew.
"The pilot is useless. Activate the entry plug."
"Now?" Maya said. "Sir, but the Dummy Plug is-"
"Do it. Anything is better than what we have now."
Against her better judgement, Maya typed the command keys for the System. The Dummy Plug was in effect, but-
"Nothing is happening." Gendo noted as his son was still dying. "What is going on?!"
"I tried to tell you sir." Maya said. "The Dummy Plug system is incomplete. The data is not strong enough to override Unit 01, or any of the other Units as detailed in the reports. It is functionally a waste of coding."
Gendo sat back down, forced to watch as Unit 01 slowly losing its life to the Angel. He slumped to his desk.
"So that's it then. We're finished."
"Not necessarily." Mary Iscariot finally said. "Patch me through to the pilot."
The camera feed returned to Shinji. He was barely hanging on, his eyes drooping over the anguish he felt.
"Shinji, listen to me. You're about to die. If you don't fight, everyone else does."
"I don't want to kill him! I don't!"
"Nobody does, hell I don't think the princess or Misato would want him dead either. But that's just life. Either you do it, or else Misato'll turn in her grave over your failure."
That got a reaction out of him. His eyes widened, as his voice wavered.
"Is she…?"
"Just had it confirmed unfortunately." Mary Iscariot said, in a tone replicating sadness. "The Angel triggered an explosion that destroyed the facility. Very few survivors, I'm afraid. A medic informed me that Misato is dying. You're letting her down by refusing to fight for her."
"I- I-"
"They're burning, you know that? Anyone in Matsushiro who isn't dead is dying slowly, painfully from flames and rubble jabbing into their skin. You must know what blood is like, Shinji, you smell it every day. Misato… oh boy, the reports told me she's suffering the worst right now. Her flesh's been burned off, she's moaning in pain, barely able to speak… and she's asking about you, Shinji. She's asked if you're okay or hurt… she's crying, begging to for you to survive, while she is gasping her last breath."
An unsettling clarity came over Shinji as he continued to hear her speak.
"So I'll ask again, Shinji." Mary adjusted her glasses. "Will you fight for her?"
His face twisted in rage. He snarled, grabbing a hold of Unit 03's arms and snapping them.
Shinji didn't remember what happened next. He knew he tore apart the Angel with his hands. He felt the way Unit 03's body snapped to bits between his fingers, how he ripped the guts from its stomach to weaken its defenses, making them spill to the ground. In particular, he remembered grabbing Unit 03 by the head, and tearing it off its body and watching the blood pour out from it. Shinji crushed the head in his hands, not wanting to leave a trace of that monster in this world. It had to pay, he couldn't let it live.
He howled into the sky, screaming all his anger, his frustration, his sorrow into the wind. He wept for Misato, unable to comprehend the idea she was gone and she wouldn't return. Shinji rubbed his eyes, realizing Unit 01's hand had blood stained on it.
… Blood? But Evangelions had LCL. There was no way, unless…
He sat in horror, looking to find the broken entry plug snapped to the forest. In the feed, Mary Iscariot nodded her head.
"Good boy. You saved us all."
Shinji said nothing. He sat in the grass, trying and failing to come to grips over what he had done. As if insult to injury, a new feed opened over the system.
"Shinji, yes you're alive!"
Misato was smiling. She wasn't dead, disfigured, or in pain. Not at all. She was completely fine.
"Misato you're… alive…"
"Yup, nothing could keep me down! The explosion took us out, but all I got was a bad arm. I'm okay. Shinji, you okay? What happened?"
"…"
"Shinji?"
He cried. He wished it was just tears of happiness for Misato, but they weren't. They were for him, feeling like a complete and utter fool.
He killed the girl's brother, and this time he had been in complete control when it happened. Unlike before, Shinji knew with complete certainty that he had no one to blame but himself.
Author's Notes:
Shinji has killed two people now! You're welcome! :D No, Sakura doesn't count, that was a Yui kill even if she let her son take the blame for it.
Toji still being the Fourth Child is probably going to be disappointing for some, but in my mind there really wasn't much in the way of alternatives. I have plans for Asuka later, none of the other characters would land the way I wanted to, and let's face it, it's WAY too good to pass up killing both Suzuharas for DRAMA. Don't worry, something more wild will happen in the next chapter.
Reviews:
QUICKM33MZ2005: Yeah, I see what you mean. On one hand, that sort of split second what if is great for a tragedy, but on the other hand I feel like I could have sold Misato's viewpoint more. I hope the beginning of this chapter clarifies the situation.
artifactBC: I get it, I just also find it funny you're stopping because Shinji is acting like a teenager instead of… um, everything else so far.
engel17white: It's only going to get worse I'm afraid.