"We can't go on,
Just running away,
If we stay any longer,
We will surely never get away."
Never - Heart
/
Over the next few days Joss went into school not feeling anywhere near rested. She had thought she'd finally get that longed for seven hour sleep, without Billy keeping her up all night, but she'd tossed and turned in her bed each time, feeling angry and regretful as hours passed by in the relentless ticking of her bedside clock. Why couldn't things just be simple between them? Why couldn't he be happy with whatever it was they had? Couldn't they just enjoy it?
She stood a moment in the school corridor worrying at her bottom lip, pulling at the skin with her teeth until she tasted the faintest tang of blood. Her bad tendency of causing minimal pain to give some small relief to her anxiety was another bad habit she needed to quit, like so many others in her life right now.
Joss had decided she'd force the distance between them until she felt like facing Billy again. She managed to avoid him for the most part, ducking behind walls and slipping into classrooms, turning the other way when she saw him. She didn't think he'd even noticed her at all, and he hadn't pulled another stunt like he had on Monday when she was with Lori. Joss wasn't sure if that was because he was sticking to their agreement or she just hadn't given him the opportunity.
She supposed at some point she'd have to talk to him, when Friday came he'd be at the arcade and they'd have to face their latest argument on Monday all over again. Maybe by then they'd both have had a bit of time to cool off and see things more clearly. It was all Joss felt she could hope for, because she knew she didn't want to call time on this thing they had going on. She didn't think either of them had even nudged against their limits yet, but Joss wasn't stupid, she knew it was coming, and when it did, it would feel like being crushed against a brick wall.
"Hey, Joss?" The sound of her name being called shocked her out of those thoughts, and she realized she had been clutching her books way too tightly to her chest.
Lori came bouncing up to her with her usual unexplainable chirpy morning attitude. Joss thought the secret had to be several cups of coffee.
"Hey," Joss replied, feeling little affected by her friend's smile.
"You feeling okay? You kinda look peaky."
"I'm fine, just didn't sleep the last few nights," Joss said.
"Yeah, this heat is totally unreal..." Lori paused as if about to say more, but her gaze was suddenly distracted somewhere over Joss' shoulder and she pushed her lips together in an expression that Joss couldn't read. When Lori turned back her eyes were glistening with sudden barely contained excitement.
"What?" Joss asked.
Lori seemed to mouth something similar to 'oh my god', and then bit her lip, before coming to hook Joss' arm with her own, pushing them closer together.
"What?" Joss hissed, her heart suddenly leaping into her throat, because she knew this wasn't going to be good. Was Billy making his way over again? Was he going to make it truly impossible for her to just exist unseen these next few weeks? She'd been so damn close...
"Don't freak out, okay?" Lori said through one side of her mouth, like she was trying to audition as a ventriloquist.
"Why would I freak out?" Joss asked, eyes widening as every single panicked thought of the last few weeks crashed against her.
Everyone knew, this was it, it was over, she was dead meat.
"Hush! Not so loud," Lori said. "So, don't look, but behind us on the other side of the hallway, Billy Hargrove is, like, totally checking you out."
Joss let out a laugh of pure anxious relief that this statement meant Billy hadn't yet made the move towards them. She had a chance of defusing this. "No, no," she deflected. But then came the little flare of renewed anxiety, how obviously was Billy looking this way? "He isn't," she said, trying to convince herself as much as her friend now. Joss tried to walk away, her determined gaze set firmly on the door to her next class, not daring to look around. Lori seemed inclined to hold her back a moment, but then was easily pulled along by Joss' sudden need to reach that doorway, as if sensing her friend's unmovable objective.
"I think he has a crush," Lori sang under her breath.
"On me? Please." Joss rolled her eyes over dramatically and shook her head in stoic denial, and in the process managed to catch a look at Billy leaning against the lockers, his gaze clearly watching her, licking his lips in open appreciation of Joss' short skirt and bare legs. Joss' eyes darted around and she let herself have a tiny sigh of relief, as luckily it seemed Lori was the only one to have any kind of radar on this blatant appraisal, Joss guessed because no one else was really bothering to look in her direction.
Out of the corner of her eye Joss saw a figure move, blocking Billy's gaze as Trish swished up in her usual confident sway of hips and kissed Billy full on the lips.
"See?" Joss said with a backward glance over her shoulder, urging Lori do the same with a nod, as if the scene behind them proved everything the universe could ever need. "He's with Trish."
Lori looked like she was going to say something in reply but Joss gave her a glare that stated this topic was not up for debate, and she urged her friend forward, taking them away from the hallway and into their classroom.
/
Joss and Lori found their seats and settled into what would now be a tedious two hour cram session for their upcoming exams. The lesson was hot and boring and the teacher's voice became a distant droning as Joss looked out of the window and daydreamed of exactly what she would say when she next saw Billy. Would his face bring instant anger or had all these days avoiding him muted her emotions a little? She knew she didn't feel half as pissed off as she should have with him looking at her again today. Did that mean Joss was getting soft? Letting her guard down? She knew that was a fast way to getting overrun completely. But, she had missed him, missed talking to him, laughing with him, seeing him when no one else was around to judge how they looked at each other.
"Tanner?"
The sound of her name drew her attention back to the classroom with an unpleasant jolt.
"Josselyn Tanner?"
The teacher was scanning the class and Joss felt a little stone of annoyance plummet in her gut as she realized this teacher didn't even know who she was.
Joss put her hand up sheepishly. "Here."
The teacher made a motion towards the doorway and Joss' gaze followed, to see Billy standing there, and her mind jolted again, the sensation like an electric current buzzing between her teeth.
"There's a phone call from your mother at the front reception," the teacher explained, and gestured again with her hand. "You're excused." The teacher rummaged around in a drawer a moment. "Here's the hall pass." She extended out her hand with the laminated tag hanging from a loop of coloured nylon rope.
Joss stood abruptly, the chair scraping and squeaking across the floor, making her wince at the noise. "Oh, okay," she said, her gaze unhelpfully flicking to Lori, who watched her with a confused expression, and Joss knew as soon as Lori had the chance she'd jump on this situation and want to know every detail. Joss' brain was already doing Olympic level gymnastics trying to piece together a believable story as to just why the hell her mom would be calling her at school.
It took what felt like an agonizing amount of time to Joss, to get to the front of the class and take the offered pass. She moved towards the door where Billy stood in all his polite decorum and smiling manners, as if just delivering the message like a good little student, but Joss knew better than that. She could see the wolf underneath the sheep's clothing, the turn of sharp tooth hidden behind a charming grin.
The heavy door swung closed behind them and Joss moved quickly down the hallway, out of sight of any windows and curious eyes, giving Billy no choice but to follow her. When she felt they were safe, she stopped abruptly, crossed her arms and looked him up and down with a snarl of disdain. "My mother called?" she said, with a raise of one accusing eyebrow. "Seriously?"
"Deadly," Billy said with a nod, and Joss let out a scoff.
"What's this about?" Joss said, part of her already fully forming an unkind opinion of exactly what he wanted. To trap her alone again, maybe he'd pull her into an empty classroom, or even the bathroom, bend her over a sink and... Joss shook her head, feeling that bubbling sensation of lust nudging against her consciousness, and this time she wanted to push back twice as hard against it, despite how much she might secretly be thrilled by the fantasy.
"Stealth," Billy said, tapping his nose with the tip of a finger as if this explained everything.
"This isn't stealth!" Joss protested. "You just walked into my class and asked for me, by name. That's the opposite of stealth!"
Billy glanced at her, looking wholly unconcerned. "No one knows the real reason why I was there though, I covered pretty well. So it's kinda stealth."
Joss rolled her eyes. "We agreed no school-"
"Yeah, yeah, no school stuff," Billy dismissed, as if he wasn't just casually breaking their agreed upon rule in half, throwing it to the ground and turning his heel on the remains.
Joss held up her arms in defeat. "This looks a hell of a lot like school stuff!" she argued.
"Like I said, I made sure I was, you know, discreet. I didn't come over to you in front of everyone, did I? So if it's secret and we have a cover, it's not really 'school stuff'." He shrugged as if this made complete and logical sense.
"It's still school stuff, it's in school! Therefore it is, in fact, school stuff!" Joss said in hissed exasperation.
"After the other day, and the way you've been acting, you really expect me to not try and talk to you and smooth this shit out?"
"I'm sorry, what? The way I've been acting?" Joss let out a disgruntled sound of high vexation.
Billy carried on as if he hadn't heard her speak at all. "I don't have time later, and this week I'm busy with-"
"Oh, I see, sorry! Of course, I'll fit in with your schedule!" Joss sneered.
"You barked at me for even asking an innocent question on Monday, and then got all pissed at nothing-" He said it all so flatly, like it was all just well known and researched facts he was stating.
"Innocent?" Joss interrupted, scowling.
Again he didn't even acknowledge she'd spoken. "Then you got out of my car like you had a stick up your ass," he said, again as if this should openly explain his actions right now.
"A stick up my ass?" Joss crossed her arms with a slow flicker of irritation in her eyes, he really knew how to make things sound worse without any effort. "You were pushing me to do what you wanted, when I had made what I wanted very clear."
"Whatever you want to call it, you left without a single damn word. For the past week whenever you take one look at me coming down the hallways, you scurry off to hide. You think I don't see that shit every time we are within 100 yards of each other? I started to think something was really up with you."
"So?"
"So?" he said, mocking her tone. "What am I meant to do when a girl acts like this is drama class 101?"
"Give me some space, maybe?" Joss said.
He glanced over, giving her a look that clearly stated he thought that request was highly unreasonable. "When a girl acts like that, she wants to be chased," he said with a dismissive sniff. "You wanted me to chase you, but I wanted to make you wait a little."
"Who did you learn that shit from? I don't want to be chased, I'm not a fucking zebra!"
He shrugged, not taking her words seriously. "Sure, if you say so."
A beat of silence passed between them and Joss took the chance to take in a slow deep breath and try and gain her sanity back. She glanced up and down the corridor to check they were still fully alone. "Lori noticed you today," she mumbled, sulkily. If he was going to make her talk, she was going to say exactly what she wanted.
"Noticed?"
Joss let out a breath of mocking frustration. "You know exactly what she noticed! Quit doing that shit with people around, especially Trish. Jesus, Billy!"
"Like I said, me and Trish aren't serious," he said, as if this was all the defence he needed.
"Oh, okay, I'll tell her that when she's wiping my face across the locker room floor."
He rolled his eyes at her dramatics. "You told me you didn't want to make this public, but I gotta keep up public appearances. I suddenly don't have a girl, I'm gonna get a lot of questions."
"But, she's not your girlfriend, right?" Joss said, feeling the same circle of argument starting to roll back over them both.
"Right." He clicked two fingers at her as if rewarding her getting a question right on a pop quiz. "Like I said, I'm not sleeping with her while we have whatever this is." He chuckled, enjoying his mocking of her words on Monday night.
Joss let out a groan of resignation, she knew she wasn't going to be able to talk him into understanding why any of this was out of line right here in the damn school hallway. She felt like she was banging her head against a wall.
"Look, you are being a complete asshole dragging me out of class, to what? What do you want?" Joss was starting to feel heated now, she was suddenly angry all over again, angry at him dragging her out of class, angry at what he had done in the library, angry at how he had been so blatantly looking at her today, and so angry at his suggestion the other night of them openly dating. "I thought I made my thoughts clear about this stuff the other day."
He actually smirked as if the memory of what had happened between them was amusing, and Joss knew he was thinking solely of the library and the backseat of his car, not the argument of later.
"I'm going back to class," Joss said, turning away from him, but Billy caught her hand, stopping her determined steps with an easy soft touch.
"You can't," he said, with a careless shrug.
"Oh, watch me!" Joss said, pulling herself from his grip.
"If you go back now, it'll seem suspicious, right?"
Damn, he'd got a point, and Joss felt her anger deflate.
"This situation is all your fault!" Joss said, narrowing her eyes in accusation.
"Look, it's fine, you have your little hall pass, no one will suspect." He jiggled the plastic pass that was connected to the neon coloured rope coiled around her wrist.
"Yeah, well you don't have one. Someone could notice you are AWOL and put two and two together."
Billy shrugged. "I don't need a damn hall pass," he said, with a mischievous grin that made him look suddenly devilish.
"Okay, whatever," Joss said dismissively. "So, what do you want again?" Joss could again guess exactly what gutter his mind was currently dwelling in, because hers rolled so easily in there too. She'd seen from that brief glance today, how he'd looked at her, how his gaze lingered over her bare legs, the tight skirt at her thighs, fingers itching to reach out and softly slide underneath the hem.
He wetted his lips with a lick and roll of his tongue before he reached out to her, palm extended in an offer of peace, his eyes silently urging her to take it with her own. Joss knew this was another choice that would either silence their fighting or continue it. She felt like she had so little say in this decision, because if she decided to fight, they were at greater risk of exposure. She accepted her fate and placed her hand into his and he turned on his heel and tugged her forward.
She didn't bother asking him where they were going, just allowed him to take the lead as her heart began a little rhythm of anticipation. She was being a fool, allowing this to continue, allowing him to do this when she'd clearly said 'no' over and over again, but if that was all true, why wasn't she stopping this? Joss knew the answer was as simple as always, she didn't really want to.
They made their way to the gymnasium, it was silent and empty save for the hazy sunlight and dancing dust particles. This wasn't somewhere that felt like a good place for a risky quick release, but Joss knew she'd still take it, because she couldn't seem to stop this need to feel his hands upon her, even when it meant the risk of her very real downfall. Maybe, it was all part of the thrill too.
"No one's here, we're safe," he said, as if sensing her thoughts, but then instead of pushing her against a wall and kissing her until she couldn't see straight, he made his way over to one of the wooden benches. Joss hesitated before following him and taking a seat beside him.
"Safe from what?" Joss said, trying to push the issue now.
He gave a dazzling grin, his silver earring glinting in and out of a bright shaft of sunlight. "Discovery," he said with a raise of both brows. But still he didn't reach for her and Joss crossed her legs in nervous energy. What new game was he playing?
"Okay, so, why are we here again?" she frowned.
"Just to hang out."
"You pulled me out of class to... hang out?" Joss said, with a sceptical raise of her brow.
"Yeah, why, Tanner, you have other plans?" He reached over and curled his finger and thumb around her chin, holding her in place as he studied her face with analytical probing eyes. "Oh, those kind of plans?" He let out a suggestive laugh, and Joss wondered if he really could read her that plainly. "Even I'm not that careless."
Joss crossed her arms across her chest in clear rebuttal that he was exactly that brazen. "No, I do not have any plans," she pushed back, determined to be obstinate and deny the truth until she was blue in the face.
Billy breathed out another laugh. "Did you know, your nose goes kinda red when you lie?"
Joss covered her nose with her hand in reflex for a moment, before realizing he was probably teasing her. She gave him a highly suspicious look up and down and pushed against his shoulder with a hard measured shove before speaking. "You have ten minutes before I'm going back to class, so make this 'hang out' quick," Joss said, uncrossing her legs and recrossing them in the other direction, that nervous flicker not leaving her.
"Jesus. You really are in a mood," he said, with a detached shrug. "Is it so bad I wanted to check we were okay?"
Joss knew this was a trap question, whatever she said would be wrong, if she said it was good he'd given a damn to see her then he won, if she said no, then she was being ungrateful. Once again he was able to twist the situation to suit him. He caught sight of her resentful facial expression and gave a quick flash of teeth in triumph, knowing she wasn't going to fight.
"Fine," Joss said, confirming what he already knew with one word. "What's keeping you so busy this week then?" Joss said, steering the conversation into safer waters.
"Nothing too exciting..." he teased, "but, I got the job." He gave her a brief side eyed glance, a satisfied smile wanting to pull at one corner of his mouth.
"At the pool?"
He nodded, obviously very pleased with himself and trying to contain the emotion. "You're looking at Hawkins' new lifeguard on duty, or I will be later today. Got my first full shift on Friday afternoon. I have training to go to after school the next few days, to learn the ropes."
"Congratulations," Joss said, and meant it, but she didn't let her gladness show too much on her face, her pride wouldn't let her.
"I thought, after my first shift, you could come by and we could go celebrate."
"Celebrate?" Joss said unenthusiastically.
"Maybe a few beers, or we could just drive around."
Joss felt like saying 'no' now would only cause another argument, and she didn't really feel like bursting his bubble, so she went with the passive aggressive option. "I've got work, remember? I work Friday evenings."
"Well, can't you get that army doofus to cover for you?"
"You mean Mark?" Joss said pointedly, telling him with her tone she didn't like insults thrown at her co-worker.
"Yeah, Mark. Ask him to cover a few hours? I finish at five thirty, I got some kids swimming lesson, and we can just hang out a while after, I can drive you back before it gets too busy at the arcade."
Joss let out a sigh of frustration.
"He owes you one, you always close," Billy pushed.
A thought gently nudged at Joss and she instantly pushed it away as nonsense, but it was persistent, floating back up to the surface like a helium balloon, and she looked at Billy a moment, trying to discover if her brain's suggestion had any basis in reality. Had he dragged her out of class just to tell her this news? Too excited to keep the accomplishment to himself and wanting to share it with someone?
His face remained in his usual nonchalant expression, but his eyes were shining, a brightness gleaming from within, and Joss thought, just maybe, she was right.
After that thought, how could she really say no. "Sure. I can walk over on my way to work."
"Good," Billy said, and smiled with a smug air.
"This doesn't mean the other day is forgotten. What you did, what you said, it wasn't okay," Joss said, as if unable to help herself saying at least one sentence that was inflammatory, despite her best efforts.
"You snapped back just as hard," Billy said, unconcerned with her words, leaning his weight back on his hands as he took in their surroundings, enjoying the sun. When he caught sight of her displeased expression he sighed as if she was continuing doggedly with her usual stance of being unreasonable. "Let's just say we didn't mean it and let it go."
Joss let out a sound of disagreement. "I meant it." She really was terrible at defusing situations when it involved him, she had the constant urge to push back whenever he tried to dismiss her. "You were out of line."
Billy twirled a lazy finger in the air as if he'd heard all this far too many times. "Yeah, yeah, I'm an asshole, you're a saint, I get it." Billy let out a laugh and leaned over, nuzzling into Joss' neck with a flirtatious energy that dismissed all her grumbling.
"At least you admit it," Joss said, allowing the contact, but not giving in to the pleasure his attention wanted to push to the forefront of her mind. "No more school stuff, stealthy cover or not, I'm serious."
"Yeah I get it, stop dragging it out. Besides, I brought you a peace offering," he said, his breath hot and ticklish against her ear.
He pulled back with a cocky look upon his face and with a flourish he pulled something out of his jacket pocket and held it out like it was the solution to every problem they'd ever had.
Joss stared at it a moment in bewilderment, the sun glinting off the glossy plastic wrapper and the glistening flat round neon red object within.
"A lollipop?" she said, giving him a reproachful look. She'd seen those exact same ones at the pool, on the front desk, free candy for kids after swimming lessons.
He grinned, suppressing a laugh at her expression, and then with one light pull he'd removed the wrapper and offered it to her with an expectant look. "Say ah," he coaxed, with a raise of his eyebrows.
"What are we, kids visiting the doctor?" Joss said with a roll of her eyes, but saw he was not going to give up that easily and relented, parting her lips and allowing him to gently slip the sweet treat on to her tongue before he permitted her to take it fully from his grip.
He retrieved another lollipop from his pocket and, after pulling off the wrapper, took a long thoughtful suck on it. "See, it's all fine, baby."
Joss nearly choked on her own spit and reached out to swat him in punishment. "Don't call me that."
He laughed, clearly not taking her request seriously.
They sat there in the quiet sunlight of the gym, not saying anything, his hand casually wrapped around her bare thigh as they enjoyed the rest of those ten minutes Joss had given them, in what felt for once, true peace.
/
A/N
Hello, I made it for one last upload before my hiatus. I hope this was an enjoyable chapter for any readers out there.
Thank you for coming by and reading.
So, now we must pause a little while. I hope I will only be gone for two weeks, which means I will miss two Fridays, and then we can continue. I hope you'll stay with me until then.