"Come over late, got your hands on my face,
Candy, can't you see what you're doing?
Oh, I lie awake, another night put to waste,
It's a shame you got me comin' and goin',
It's a price I gotta pay,
To spend a night at heaven's gate."
Chippin' Away - Night Ranger
/
By the time Joss got back to class there were only minutes left before the bell went off, which gave her just enough time to hand back the pass to the teacher and settle into her seat under the heavy inquiring gaze of Lori.
As soon as the bell had rang, Lori was bee-lining straight for Joss' desk. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, it's fine." Joss' head buzzed with excuses. "I blew off a doctor's appointment I had yesterday at lunch. Stupid, because of course my mom is going to freak out that I never turned up as soon as she finds out." Joss suddenly found it impossible to meet her friend's eyes, instead busying herself with putting her books back into her bag.
"A doctor's appointment? Are you sick?"
Joss could see out of the corner of her vision, Lori fight the sudden urge to reach out and check Joss' forehead for a high temperature.
"No, nothing serious, just a general check up, to make sure I'm not surviving on junk food, or getting scurvy. That sort of thing."
The annoying thing was, that Joss wasn't really stretching the truth too much about that part. Her mom did insist she go for regular check-ups every few months and, since she wasn't yet eighteen, her mom also had the right to all her medical records and results. It had always felt like a cop out way to show care in Joss' mind, by actually being grossly intrusive and personally distant while still claiming to be a 'good' parent.
"It must be weird to have her away on the road for work so much? Don't you miss the company?"
Joss gave a shrug. "I'm used to it. After her career took off as one of the back up dancers of 'Pop Until You Drop', she had a choice of staying home or following her dreams. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity." Joss wanted to sound happy for her mom, but knew she probably only sounded bitter.
"If I lived alone I'd just vegetate and watch romantic movies all day. My mom still thinks I'm way too immature to be on my own too long. I guess that whole, responsibility stuff will hit once I go to college," Lori said with a chuckle.
"Yeah, but it's not like I have to deal with paying bills or anything, I'm still looked after." Joss really disliked that she sounded defensive. "Besides," she said, lightening up the conversation with a carefree smile, "it's always tempting to just veg out, but my mom finds ways to spy on me so I don't turn into a complete slob and my grades don't drop."
"Was she really mad you missed it?"
"Not mad, her version of worried, I guess." Joss smiled again with what she hoped was a breezy air. "It's fine now, honestly."
"Gee, your mom really goes all out, calling the school over a missed appointment though, huh?"
"It's just because she's not around much. It's her way of showing she cares." Joss felt uncomfortable with just how easy it felt to lie, even if there was a grain of truth somewhere underneath.
"Did Billy have anything interesting to say?" Lori said, trying to be covert, but the curiosity was clear in her face.
Joss had known the question was coming and she forced another smile. "No, not really. Just doing as he was told. I guess he was eager to get back to class."
"Billy Hargrove eager to get back to class? Joss, you really are oblivious," Lori laughed.
They went to lunch and then to different lessons until they met back up for their last class, gym. Then commenced a round of very apathetic dodgeball where no one really wanted to move much due to the heat, and the only saving grace was that they were allowed to stay inside, instead of being outside in the blistering sun.
Joss stood to the side, having 'fallen' into the path of the first dodgeball she could, and had promptly been proclaimed 'out' by the teacher. Her eyes lingered over the spot on the benches where she and Billy had been sat that morning and her mind wandered.
What exactly did she want from all this? What did she want from Billy? The uncomfortable reply came back after a moment of thought. She wanted attention, she wanted to be looked at and seen, she wanted to be wanted, but she also wanted it all to be hers alone. A kept secret where she didn't allow the light of reality to flood in and spoil everything. The only true question now was, would Billy play along or were his plans completely different to her own?
She absentmindedly tugged at one corner of her green gym shorts, making sure they still covered the scar at her thigh, knowing that the material always did, the telling mark was too high up to be exposed so easily. But, she couldn't help the anxiety that somehow, someone would see it. The thought came to Joss that she hadn't re-opened up that cut for weeks, maybe even for as long as a month now. It had finally started to heal over, a thin shiny layer of fresh pink skin signaling something that Joss hadn't felt for a long time.
She wanted to call it distracted, too absorbed in whatever she and Billy had been swept up in the last few months to have time for those long lonely nights, where she'd dwell on the past too much, and crawl back into bad habits to cope. Those nights where the feelings built until she felt like she'd burst with them, and she would reach for the only thing that would release it, a repetitive cycle of destruction against her own body.
It was a hard thing to face that things had somehow changed, it made her squirm to admit it, but if Joss was truly honest with herself, this had been the the most content she'd felt in a long time. She actually looked forward to going to work, to weekends where she could talk to Billy, where they could go for rides, share the moment of the first listen to a new song, and make out in the back seat.
Joss' eyes moved from the benches to her peers who were still playing dodgeball, her gaze watching them as they squealed in delight at being the victor, or cried out in annoyance at not being quite fast enough, the losers coming to loiter near where Joss stood by the wall, to continue a good gossip session with their friends.
Joss thought this must be what being a normal teenager had to feel like, this was why Lori and everyone else around her was obsessed with who they were seeing at the next party, who they were going on a date with, who had kissed them out at Lover's Point. It was exhilarating to want someone and be wanted in return, to see them in the school corridors and know there was more between those exchanged glances. Joss didn't really know if she liked this feeling or not, the only thing she did know was it was new, just like that healing skin on her thigh.
The bell went off, shrill and sudden, making all the girls start, and then look relieved that this torture was over. They began to form a line to make their way slowly towards the locker room and Lori came to link arms with her and chat. The doors on the other side of the gym opened and guys from their year started to file in from outside, all looking hot, bothered and sweaty. It seemed like they had not been as lucky as the girls, and had been forced to take their class outside.
Joss' eyes couldn't help picking him out of the crowd. Billy was pulling off a drenched T-shirt from very sweaty muscles, his curls damp, but he was smiling, talking to his friends. One of them, Tommy Hagan, known to one and all as a real jerk, was clowning around telling some joke and acting like he was a monkey. When he took the joke too far and got into Billy's face, Billy pushed him away with a hard shove. Tommy stumbled far too over dramatically, but managed to catch himself from a full on fall onto his face, and the theatrics made Billy laugh and smile again, although it looked more like a tolerant expression than one of genuine humor. Tommy spotted someone in the line of girls and began to make his way over, making more monkey sounds, until he grabbed a girl out of the crowd and pulled her out, to much put on shrieking on her part.
"Tommy put me down, gross, you're sweaty!" Carol protested weakly, flailing against her boyfriend while wearing the biggest self-satisfied grin Joss had ever seen.
"Mr. Hagan!" the girls' gym teacher said, stepping forward and forcefully breaking up the public display of affection. "To your own locker room, please."
Tommy gave Carol a sly wink and re-joined the boys.
"I hear they won't last past graduation," Lori said in a whisper, her lips barely moving.
Joss glanced over, a little surprised by this declared finality after the couple had seemed so happy only seconds ago, in fact right now Carol was blowing a kiss towards Tommy who looked positively giddy and leapt in to the air to catch the invisible love token.
"Really?" Joss said, glancing over at her friend.
Carol and Tommy were the most popular long standing couple in school. Joss even thought they had been seriously dating when she came back to Hawkins High. They were a staple of the place, the perfect, everlasting high school sweethearts romance.
"Yeah, it's all show. I hear he hardly sees her outside school anymore, too busy thinking about college. Heard she's super pissed about it too," Lori said and laughed softly, clearly enjoying the wreckage of this once famous coupling, at least famous by Hawkins standards.
Joss rolled her shoulders, not enjoying this gossip at all, knowing how she'd feel if people were whispering behind her back.
"Couldn't happen to nicer people," Lori said with another snicker, and Joss elbowed her lightly in the ribs.
"Hey, enough. I don't want to hear this stuff."
"Sorry," Lori said with a shrug. "I can't help it, I'm a gossip fiend."
"Don't I know it," Joss said under her breath, but still couldn't bring herself to fully reprimand Lori.
"Hey, who does Hargrove want?" one of the girls behind Joss suddenly piped up.
Joss glanced towards the group of boys and saw Billy was clearly trying to get someone's attention with a repeated hand gesture that went from a jabbing pointing motion to a come hither curl of fingers, and all the fine hair on the back of Joss' neck prickled in renewed panic. He was definitely looking in her direction and Joss wanted the floor to open up and swallow her whole.
He'd promised, no more school stuff, and he hadn't even lasted the day! There was no way people wouldn't gossip if they talked right in the middle of the gym in front of everyone. Joss determinedly looked down at her feet, trying to pretend she was unaware of anything but the slow shambling of bodies towards the exit.
When his actions didn't have the speedy result Billy expected, he started clicking his fingers impatiently and saying 'hey' a few times, and Joss glanced away, suddenly interested in the blank wall beside her, feeling if she could just get out of the gym and disappear into the locker room, maybe no one would notice.
"Trish?!" Billy's voice rang out, and Joss felt the oil and water feeling of relief, and disappointment that it wasn't her name he'd called.
The blond girl in front of Joss who had been deep in conversation turned, finally having her attention hooked and Joss realized it was Trish. She raised a hand in a wave towards Billy and walked out of the line over to him with a big Hollywood smile on her face. When she reached him, she slid a hand against his bare bicep absently, as if proving she didn't care how sweaty he was, and blissfully, before Joss could see any more of the interaction, she was shuffled out of the gym doors.
/
At the girls' gym lockers Joss waited while Lori showered. Joss usually always managed to avoid being singled out as missing her obligatory communal shower and just shrugged her clothing back on quickly before anyone of authority noticed. On those gut dropping rare occasions when she was caught out, the teacher would make her strip down right before their eyes and go in the showers. Joss would loiter at the edge or pretend to actually wash for a few seconds until the teacher was distracted by something else, and then bolt through the water spray before grabbing her towel and re-dressing. To Joss, it felt like an abuse of power to force kids to shower naked with no privacy, and over the years she had seen too many tears come from the obvious bullying that always accompanied a bunch of immature teenagers seeing each other's constantly changing naked bodies for the first time.
Lori walked over in her towel just as Joss was wondering if after this, she should go home and do some vegetating of her own, or get in some last cramming for the exams that started later next week. With this being the last period of the day, most of the girls had dressed and dashed, eager to be away and home, but Joss didn't feel in any hurry today.
"Any plans for the weekend?" Lori asked.
"Other than work? Lots of TV," Joss said.
Lori began to get dressed and they continued to chat about the day's goings on in casual bursts of small talk.
Suddenly Trish walked by with a thunderous expression, rounded the locker corner and smashed her hand into one of the doors in frustration. She looked as pissed off as if she'd just been told Aquanet hairspray had gone out of business.
"Come on Trish, don't take it so personal," one of her friends said, jogging after her, Joss thought it was possibly Stacy.
"Screw off!" Trish said with a poisonous hiss. "He wants to call us off completely? Out of nowhere? A few weeks before prom? How does that make sense! He's never this much of an asshole! Now I have to go to prom with Danny!" She hit the locker again, sending a hollow metal sound clanging out into the near empty locker room.
Joss and Lori briefly looked at each other, Joss feeling like they should both leave quietly before they were noticed, but one look at Lori's face confirmed that wasn't going to happen. She looked positively thrilled to be hearing such juicy gossip so up close and personal.
"He never said he'd take you to-" Stacy began, but then seemed to think better of her line of thought as Trish gave her a death glare. "It's no big deal, it's not like you guys were serious. He doesn't like being pinned down, so let him go bone himself." Stacy tried to reach out a hand of comfort to Trish's arm but the blond shrugged it off.
"He's with someone else!" Trish said. "I know it, he never wants to," she lowered her voice, but in the open tiled room the sound carried easily, "you know, anymore."
Joss pretended she had found a very interesting book in her bag and took it out, flipping through the pages with as much of an unconcerned and calm expression as she could force her face to make.
"Well, screw him," Stacy said, wrapping a protective arm around her friend's shoulders.
"If I find out which little slut he's been-"
"How do you even know that he has someone else?" Stacy said.
"All that gossip about some girl at Starcourt with him? When I asked him, he said he was there alone, like I'm a moron!"
"He's the moron," Stacy said, giving Trish a comforting shake of reassurance.
"I don't know what his damage is! We had a good thing going, at school we are a thing, but outside, we can go off with whoever we want, and that's worked fine up to now. What if he actually really likes this girl? I'm the one that's going to look like a loser here, Stace! Dumped! I've never been dumped!"
"Don't sweat it. Billy's thinking with his other main brain and that's tricked him into thinking this girl is something special. She isn't, and he'll see that sooner or later. He'll get bored. He always gets bored, Trish, and he always comes back to you. Look at that airhead Jessica? She sure learned big time that his word wasn't worth shit. Just let him have his fun ruining whatever little piece of trashy ass he's focused on."
Trish sniffed. "I know. He has to have a chase. Once he's screwed her a few times, he'll come back like he always does, because he knows I'm the only one that understands what he needs. It's just annoying waiting for him to get some slut out of his system."
"Well, date Danny for a while, he can get you freebies at the department store anyway."
"Yeah, maybe."
Stacy seemed to have calmed her friend down and both girls dressed and left without further comment on the subject, just gossip about what they were wearing to prom.
Joss gulped down the lump that wanted to suddenly form in her throat.
Lori let out a low whistle. "Well, looks like Billy actually dumped her, that's a first," she said offhandedly, before diving back into a completely different subject, as Joss tried not to look as sinfully guilty as she felt.
/
The next few days of school were weird. Joss felt panicked every time she saw Trish or her friends, worried that if they somehow made eye contact, all Joss' secrets would appear on her face like a cursed handwritten confession. That somehow everyone would find out she was the girl with Billy at the cinema, perhaps even the reason he'd called off his agreement with Trish? Although Joss found that somehow hard to believe, because she didn't see what he gained from that and Billy never did anything that didn't solely benefit him in some way.
But, then why had he suddenly stopped seeing Trish? He hadn't shown any signs of wanting to break up with her last time they'd talked in the gym, in fact Joss clearly remembered him saying that he'd kept up the façade because Joss wasn't interested in openly dating him. If he'd changed his mind, why hadn't he come to tell her before deciding so publicly? Why hadn't he tried to convince her again with a real bargaining chip in his pocket, one that would make him look, at least somewhat, sincere? Joss didn't know, and that left her feeling slightly uneasy. Maybe she was over thinking the whole thing and he'd just genuinely grown tired of dating Trish? Maybe this had nothing to do with Joss at all.
Even if it did, Joss knew it wouldn't change anything because her feelings hadn't changed. She wasn't ready to openly date anyone. If she was bluntly honest with herself, part of her felt panicked to learn that her own bargaining chip had been left useless against him. She would no longer be able to use the handy excuse that he was with another girl when they argued. It was one less defence to utilize against his persistence.
Joss had grown used to once again ducking into bathroom stalls or into empty rooms and store cupboards whenever she felt the threat of being cornered. This did result in her also managing to avoid Billy too, which felt like a blessed relief after the intense last few weeks.
The only time she'd really seen him, he hadn't seen her, or at least Joss didn't think he had, but she never felt sure anymore. It was another hot morning, another sight of his car screeching into the parking lot, music blaring, and another blazing argument between him and Max. Joss couldn't hear what it was about and was too anxious of being seen to get any closer. Max had exited the car, shouting that she hated him, and Billy had snapped back that she should 'watch the attitude, shit-bird', to which Max's retort was a middle finger and a declaration that she'd walk home.
Whatever had passed between them on the drive to school, it took Billy a minute or so to emerge from the driver's side and everything about him bristled with annoyance. Joss couldn't help wondering just what exactly had happened between the step siblings back in California? What had caused such a devastating and unrepairable break between them back there, that had then been reinforced here, in Hawkins, last year with Steve Harrington? Billy had said it was Max's fault they had moved here, but now Joss knew him a little better, she doubted it was so clean cut. Joss felt if she could find that out, maybe she'd have a better chance of understanding him, how his mind worked. Maybe it would give her a new shield to use against him too, which was a selfish but necessary evil to Joss in that moment, as he seemed intent, deliberately or not, on stripping away all her armour. It was a long shot, but the only one she had to gain back something that felt like control.
By the time Friday came, Joss had actually started to feel oddly nervous about seeing him again.
It was another clear blue sky, late afternoon as she rounded the corner of the pool and glanced through the chain link fence, her fingers coming to grasp the thin wire metal a moment as she took in the scene before her. It looked like a children's swimming lesson was just finishing up. A girl with dark hair piled into a high ponytail, dressed in a form hugging red swimsuit, was hurrying a few young kids into the changing rooms. She looked around Joss' age, but Joss found she couldn't quite place her face. One of the popular girls she assumed, but not popular enough to be part of Trish's circle.
"You nearly done?" the girl shouted over her shoulder.
This pulled Joss back to the first thing she'd noticed, but had not allowed her brain to linger on, that nervous energy making it hard to focus on him. Still in the pool was Billy and some little kid that looked maybe five or six, who was splashing around like he was having some kind of fit, before he grabbed on to the side, gasping for air.
"Yeah, just one more lap, Heather," Billy said, not even looking the girl's way, far too engrossed in what he was doing. Heather gave a flap of her hand as if she was giving up and followed the rest of the kids into the locker room. "I said use your legs, Corey. You need to listen to what I say!"
Billy sounded stern in his reprimand, perhaps even a little unkind, but the boy took the advice with gusto and this time he propelled himself through the water, still looking like a half drowning cat with all the frantic splashing, but he made it to the other side, and then he reached a grasping small hand towards the side and slipped. Faster than Joss could blink his form had been swallowed completely underwater.
Billy acted within a blur of movement, before Joss' brain had fully registered alarm, forcing his body like a missile through the water and catching the kid around the middle, yanking him back out of the pool, to much coughing and spluttering on the kid's part. Corey flailed a moment, panicking from the water he'd quite obviously breathed in, and Billy moved them both into a shallow area.
"Plant your feet, Corey!" he demanded, and after a few seconds of continuing to seem to panic the boy did, and once his feet touched the bottom he seemed to find his senses again, but Billy still held on, steadying the young boy's small form with a strong grip. "You okay, amigo?" he asked, and Corey gave a little splutter, but nodded and Billy patted him on the back. "Good work, but remember not to let your guard down until you've got a grip on the side."
Corey nodded in dumb acknowledgement and Billy patted him again.
"Go get a shower with the others, your mom will be here in ten minutes."
Joss watched as the kid scampered towards the locker room door and disappeared, no worse off from his little scare. Her gaze returned to Billy as he pulled himself fully out of the water, the light prism of sun caught droplets dripping from tanned toned skin, before he wrapped a towel around his middle, covering the red swim shorts he was wearing. He took a moment to brush the water out of his hair and eyes and then began to make his way towards the locker room too. Joss instinctively backed up a few steps, concealing herself behind a fence post as she continued to observe him, not wanting him to know she was there just yet.
She hadn't really noticed until that moment just how much muscle he'd gained recently, she rarely saw him unclothed in daylight, it had always been night time, or in the close confines of his car that they'd got that intimate, so she felt like she'd missed the subtle variations in his body, but here in the full light of day those changes were on full display. Had he upped his workouts because of this job, she wondered?
Joss held back from becoming too obviously seen when Billy, Heather and all the kids re-emerged from the changing rooms fully dressed. One kid had decided now was the best time to let off steam and began a furious run down the side of the pool, and Joss braced herself for his fall, as the floor looked slippery.
"Hey! Lard ass, no running!" Billy shouted loudly, and the kid took notice with a backward sheepish glance to his mentor, returning his run to a walk.
Joss frowned.
They came out of the pool area, locking the gate behind them. Parents began to arrive to pick up their kids and when there were none remaining, Heather gave a quick wave of goodbye, saying she'd see Billy tomorrow and jogged off, leaving him alone.
It took him only a few seconds to finally clock Joss stood to the side. When he did, a self-satisfied smirk found a place upon his lips, but as he saw Joss' clear frown of displeasure, the expression flickered a little. He walked casually over to her and reached out a hand to catch her around the waist but Joss moved a step back, avoiding his touch.
"That was mean."
"Nice to see you, too," Billy said with an off-handed roll of his eyes. He pulled out his soft cigarette pack and eased one out before lighting it up. He rolled his eyes again seeing her frown wasn't going anywhere. "What did I supposedly do now?" he said with a shrug of both shoulders, his voice frustrated.
"What you said to that kid. He's just a kid," Joss spluttered.
"You mean Sam?" Billy said, the cigarette dangling between his lips as he thumbed over his shoulder in the direction most of the kids had gone. "Jesus, Joss, calm down. He can take the joke."
"He looked eight years old, Billy! You can't call a kid..."
"Fat?" Billy plucked the cigarette in two fingers and let out a sigh of smoke. "Because he is. He's going to get the shit kicked out of him come middle school if he doesn't do something about it."
"And you calling him 'lard ass' is going to give him that motivation?"
"Yeah," Billy said, blowing out another aggravated cloud of smoke, "it will. He just needs to hear it said, no hand holding, just plain facts."
"Sure," Joss said with a dismissive hand gesture, and turned to walk away, unsure if she meant to walk only a few steps or right on to the arcade.
"I had to learn it the hard way," Billy said lowly.
"What?" Joss said, spinning back to face him. She looked him up and down, clearly thinking he was joking.
"I was kinda fat at the start of middle school, okay?"
Joss let out a mocking laugh, disbelieving his words, and waited for him to deliver the scathing punchline, but it never came. "What?" Joss repeated stupidly.
"Okay, maybe not fat," he said, with a narrowing of his eyes. "But I got kinda chubby and some kids let me know it with insults and their fists, and I was too weak to push back. So I started to eat better, make my own meals, as my dad had no fucking clue other than mac and cheese and leftover take out. I started to work out, build muscle, and I got stronger." His eyes flashed with self assurance.
"I beat the shit out of those kids, and any other kid that thought he could talk down to me, and I did it knowing they couldn't ever call me a fat sack of shit or a little pussy again, they wouldn't dare!" He scrunched his nose up in a playful yet warning gesture that taunted Joss to even try and say anything back, and she took the unkind advice, remaining silent. "So, when I call Sam something he doesn't like, maybe he'll do something about it? Maybe he just needs the realization I got, but before some older and meaner kid tries to take him down?" He raised his brow in defiance, daring her to try and disagree with his rationale.
"Those kids were bullies," Joss said softly, "you should never have felt you had to live up to anyone else's shitty expectations, just like that kid shouldn't have to live up to yours."
"Shall we all hold hands and sing Kumbaya while we wait for the world to be kinder and nicer?" He scoffed and let out a spiteful laugh. "Grow up Joss, only way anything changes is when it's made to."
"It doesn't have to be so aggressive. If you wanted to help, you could have tried to be kind about it. For all you know that kid is really hurt by what you said."
"Look, I get it. You want stuff to be softer, I dig that about you, baby, but the world isn't always soft." He reached out towards her and Joss pulled away.
"I really don't like it when you call me that," Joss said. It sounded the same way he'd called Trish 'baby', like she was just another one of his playthings.
Billy flicked up a jovial eyebrow and took another long drag on his cigarette, giving her a careful appraisal. "Sure," he finally said, as if this all amused him greatly.
He reached out again and this time Joss couldn't evade his seeking touch so easily.
"I don't want to fight right now, so let's do this another time," he said, with that same mocking air. "I had a good day, let me have it."
Joss opened her mouth to disagree but he cut her off.
"Sam's fine. He's tougher than he looks." He brought her into his arms and Joss only resisted for a moment, letting his mouth dip against hers in a brief yet fierce kiss that felt like it was trying to silence her completely. "Come on," he said, when he'd left her breathless, and nodded in the direction of the parking lot, his body already moving.
"I can't," Joss said, resisting against his pull. "I can stay another hour, maybe, but I promised Mark I would be back by six thirty, so I can't go for a ride."
Billy rolled his tongue across the inside of his cheek, unimpressed by this news. "Okay," he said, sounding like this really wasn't okay at all. "I guess we can hang out in the locker room."
Joss fought against all her instincts to finally walk away, to show him she disagreed with so much of his logic, but that kiss had lit up lust like pouring oil on a fire, there was no putting it out until it had burned to nothing. And knowing that was her fate, Joss accepted it and gave him a nod of agreement.
/
A/N
Hello, here we are again. Welcome back if you are reading. I hope this longer chapter was enjoyable.
I was really trying to show just how lonely Joss is as a person through-out the story, I hope that makes it easier to understand why she gives in to Billy over and over again. He's another bad habit, and Joss has a tendency to deal with her issues in unhealthy ways.
I think every fan has their own head canons and theories as to what happened between Max and Billy in California, this story features my own, which we will find out soon. I would love to hear your own theories too, what do you think happened between the step siblings? If you feel like sharing, please drop your thoughts in the comments.
Although I haven't read the book Runaway Max, I've heard bits and pieces from other fans to know what the book says happened. But since the book isn't actually canon, we can keep our own ideas. Maybe they explain it in season 5! Anyone else hoping for extended ghost Billy and Max in her coma having long conversations and mending deep wounds? It's a dream, but a good one :)))
My other head canons on Billy being a bit of chubby kid came from my own life experiences of knowing other kids who's mother's left and then had a father who had NO idea how to cook good healthy meals and they just ended up surviving on take out and instant food. I was also inspired by what Dacre Montgomery said about his own experiences with bullies. I know 'chubby kid' Billy is not a new thing and has been a part of fanon for a long time, but it's certainly something that I thought of watching his reaction to an over an weight kid in season 3, because I'd seen that kind of reaction in my own life, if that makes sense. That kind of lashing out can come from a fear, so I ran with that.
My god, did anyone else have the communal shower experiences at high school? My school was literally like the showers in Carrie! Everyone together, no privacy. High schoolers I know today seem aghast when I told them about it, as now it seems most school showers are private. I really hope so. That was hell!
Anyway I'm rambling on. I am tired! lol and very glad to be back working on uploading this story. Until next time