The streetlights gently lit the way to the Summers house, and Buffy smiled to herself as she lagged behind her three friends on their way. It had been a full week since the business with the assassins, and there had been no attempts on her life since then, so she felt lighter than she had in months. The altercations with the Master remained an increasingly-distant memory, and with Angel on the mend after Spike tried to drain him to resurrect Drusilla, with the added bonus that her friends all lived, she couldn't ask for more.

"Buffy?" Xander's voice cut through her thoughts. He had been bickering with Jesse and Willow this whole time, and she had tuned them out.

"Huh?" she asked, startled.

"Who was the real power? The Captain, or Tennille?"

Confused, Buffy couldn't string together a coherent thought. "Ummm… Who are these people?"

Xander looked disturbed by her lack of knowledge – an expression he received all too often, so maybe the universe needed to balance things out. "The Captain and Tennille? Boy, somebody was raised in a culture-free environment!"

Buffy shrugged. "I'm sorry. I was just…"

"Thinking?" suggested Willow.

"No, not thinking. Having a lot of happy non-thoughts. I love it when things are quiet around here."

"Ditto," said Jesse, who always appreciated the moments when mortal danger didn't breathe down their necks. "We can focus our efforts to more worthy causes, like expanding our knowledge of pop culture."

"Yeah, with Spike and Drusilla out of the way, we've really been ridin' the mellow, and I am really jinxing the hell out of us by saying that," Xander said, sounding increasingly sheepish.

Buffy remembered the day before the aforementioned vampires arrived, when Xander had dared to ask 'What could possibly go wrong?' and they'd given him hell for it. "Yeah, but we'll let you off this time," she assured him.

"Pity Spike had to be evil," said Jesse as they turned down the walk towards her house. "Kinda wish he was on our side. He seemed really fun."

"Such are the ways of evil," Buffy sighed.

"So, we're pretty sure that there are not more Tarakan assassins coming our way?" Willow asked, still unnerved from all the crazy of last week.

Buffy nodded. "Angel's sources say the contract's off." Since the guy who put out the contract got himself dusted – allegedly, anyway, since she hadn't been in the mood to confirm it, but what were the odds of that biting her in the keister later? – that meant there was no one to pay the reward, so there was no incentive to hunt her down.

"How is Angel? Pretend I care," Xander snarked, probably hoping the ensouled vampire was doing better so he could go back to hating him.

"Getting better," Buffy smiled.

"And you're loving playing nursemaid?" asked Willow mischievously.

"Oh, yeah!" Her smile widened.

"Florence Nightingale should've done a vampire movie," said Jesse. "Whole untapped market."

As they climbed the steps to the porch, Buffy got out her key and reached up to put it in the door lock. When she pushed on it to insert it, the door just swung in. Odd – why would the door be unlocked?

She looked at her concerned friends. "You guys wait here a second." She slowly walked in and looked around.

After a few seconds, she heard a glass fall and break in the kitchen and her mother cried out. "No!"

Instincts kicking in, Buffy rushed through the dining room to the kitchen door and pushed it open. "Mom!" she shouted, all set to attack whatever freakazoid accosted her mother.

The freakazoid was a man, and he had her mom in some kind of deathgrip that looked weirdly like an embrace, and he was trying to suck out her brain through her lips. Buffy blinked, and reality reared its ugly head. Her mother was kissing a man.

"Oh, my…," she said with a shaky exhale. "I'm sorry, I… I heard…"

Joyce stuttered, looking awkwardly between the man and her daughter. "Uh, I… broke a wine glass," she managed, smiling sheepishly. "You're home early."

"Hi," the man who'd been kissing her mother said amiably.

"Hi," she replied.

"Oh! Uh, this is my daughter, Buffy," Joyce told him before looking at her again. "Buffy, this is Ted."

. . .

In an effort to counteract that awkwardness of that first encounter, Joyce invited Xander, Jesse and Willow to join them for dinner. Buffy hovered in the background with her arms crossed while her friends joined Ted at the oven, where he slid in a baking sheet full of mini pizzas. "Okay, here we go!" he said.

Buffy glanced back at Joyce, who emptied a dustpan full of broken glass into the trash can. "So," she said in a voice she'd probably picked up from the woman in question. "All these late nights at the gallery recently I gather you were cataloging more than art."

"Well, I… I've been looking for the right moment to introduce you two. He's a wonderful man."

Buffy looked over her shoulder at Ted cooking. Xander and Jesse were only encouraging him as they added more cheese. "How'd you meet?"

"Oh, he sells computer software. He redid my entire system at the gallery, freed up a lot of my time."

"To meet new people. And smooch them in my kitchen."

Joyce's expression tightened, obviously annoyed. "You weren't supposed to see that."

A little later, she saw Ted remove the cast-iron pan from the stove, go over to the island with it and scoop out several finished pizzas. At some point, he and Willow had started talking computer software – something none of the others could ever keep up with, so they just left them to it.

"I like my new nine-Gig hard drive," she told him.

"But you don't love it," Ted said knowingly, "because without the DMA upgrade your computer's only half a rocket ship."

Willow shrugged despondently. "Yeah, but who can afford the upgrades?"

"Well, you can! I get the demos for free, I don't see why I shouldn't give 'em to you for the same price! Any friend of Buffy's…"

Willow let out a delighted squeal that might've shattered a window if it'd been an octave higher.

Ted still smiled politely, but he couldn't help asking a confused, "What?"

"Oh, that's the sound she makes when she's speechless with geeker joy," said Xander as he ate one of the pizzas.

Jesse bit into one, too. "Wow, you really know your way around a pizza! How do you do it?"

"Well, after you bake it, you fry it in herbs and olive oil, but you gotta use a cast-iron skillet," Ted grinned, tapping the skillet. "No room for compromise there."

"Y'know, you should market these things," Xander said eagerly. "I mean, you can get two, three hundred bucks apiece!"

Seeing her mother about to enter the kitchen, Buffy knew she couldn't get away with hovering anymore and walked in with her. Ted saw her coming and held out the plate of pizzas to her. "Hungry?"

"No, thanks," Buffy replied flatly.

Ted nodded, apparently understanding, but rather than leave her alone, he had to go and make some big dumb proclamation. "Buffy, I want to apologize. That wasn't how I wanted us to meet. I wanted it to be… perfect. I'm very fond of your mother, I guess that's pretty obvious. I know you're the most important thing in her life, and, well, gosh, that makes you pretty important to me, too."

Joyce came over to stand next to Ted. "Buffy, I really want you to be okay with this."

"Beg to differ: we really want you to be okay with this."

They both smiled at Buffy in a way that made her heart sink. Slaying aside, she liked her life in its current state – just her and her mom and her friends. She'd lost the latter two to this random pizza-making guy. Everything about it just felt wrong, wrong, wrong.

"I'm okay," she said at last.

"You are?" Joyce asked.

"I am." Buffy forced a smile to the surface.

The vampire went crashing down onto the perfectly innocent picnic table, smashing it to bits, which only increased Buffy's rage. Okay, she threw him there in the first place, but she had a lot of anger to get out of her system. The vampire shook off the blow as he got back up and came at her again. She grabbed the metal lid from a trashcan and used it as a shield to block the vampire's punch and then hit him over the head with it. He fell to his knees, but got back up. She hit him with it again and he fell to his other knee and quickly got up again. She hit him a third time and he staggered again.

"Buffy?" Giles' voice carried from his safe vantage point. "I believe he's, he's, um…"

Ignoring him for the moment, Buffy swung down with the lid from above onto the vampire's head. He just absorbed the blow and came at her with a punch. She blocked the swing with the lid and swung it around onto his head from above again. She blocked another punch, then discarded the lid and kicked the vampire in the face.

"It, it's, it's staking time, really. Don't you think?" Giles called out again.

Buffy resisted the urge to tell him to mind his own business and kicked the vampire again and followed up with a punch to the jaw. She threw a right jab to the face, then a kick to his knee, making the vampire fall to the ground. She pulled a stake out of her jacket and cleanly jammed it into his chest and pulled it back out, panting heavily as it burst into ashes.

Satisfied, she spotted Giles had now sat himself down on a nearby bench. She scanned the area as she approached. "Any others?"

"Well, for their sakes, I certainly hope not."

Sensing some obviously misplaced scorn in her direction, she glared at him. "What? I kill vampires, that's my job."

"Well, true, true, although you don't usually beat them into quite such a bloody pulp beforehand. Everything alright?"

"Yeah! Fine!" She walked around him, stepped up onto the bench and sat on the backrest, hoping to change the subject. "I killed a vampire here on Wednesday. Why are they hanging out at the park?"

"Well, they're… scattered, you know," Giles explained. "Now their leaders are gone, with any luck dead. In times of crisis, they usually return to the easiest feeding grounds."

Buffy scowled. "Vampires are creeps."

"Yes, that's why one slays them."

She didn't really hear him. "I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people, and they take over your whole house, they start making these stupid little mini pizzas, and everyone's like, 'I like your mini pizzas,' but I'm telling you, I am…"

"Uh, uh, Buffy!" Giles interrupted. "I believe the… subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh, text. Are you sure there's nothing you want to share?"

Still agitated, Buffy shook her head. "No. Forget it," she said, looking around. "Think there'll be any more? I can wait."

The next day at school, Buffy grumbled as her friends continued about He Who Must Not Be Named. "If you say one more word, things will become dire."

Xander, however, couldn't have cared less about her totally justified anger. "Did you even bother to taste 'em? Nooo! Well, I did, and I'm here to tell ya those mini pizzas have changed my life! Ted is the master chef!"

"Fine! So he's a good cook. Well, what does that really tell you about a person?"

"Everything!"

Jesse rolled his eyes. "Sensing some hostility here."

"You don't like him?" Willow sounded genuinely surprised.

"I don't know him. I mean, so far all I see is someone who apparently has a good job, seems nice and polite, and my mother really likes him."

"What kind of a monster is he?" growled Xander.

"Clearly a demon in disguise," Jesse nodded sagely.

Frustrated at their inability to take her concerns seriously, Buffy decided to see if the vending machines needed some percussive maintenance. If nothing else, she could get a free soda out of it. "I'm just saying there's something a little too clean about this clown."

Willow giggled. "He's a clean clown!" They all turned to look at her. She shrugged. "I have my own fun."

"Buff, you're lacking evidence," Xander said as the snack machines came into view. "I think maybe we're in Sigmund Freud territory." He put his coins into the machine.

"He has a point," agreed Willow. "Separation anxiety, the mother figure being taken away, conflict with the father figure…"

Buffy glared fiercely. "He's not my father figure."

"And there it is," Jesse grinned. "Your mom's first semi-serious boyfriend since the divorce, and you sense an invader in your midst."

Xander did a David Attenborough impression. "See how the young teenage girl hisses venom at unfamiliar males to protect her mother from engaging in romance."

Letting out a huff, Buffy crossed her arms. "Okay, I admit it's weird. Seeing my mother frenching a guy is definitely a ticket to therapy land, but it's more than that. I'm pretty good at sensing what's going on around me, and there is definitely something wrong with this… Ted."

Xander's eyes widened. "Ted!"

"Of course, Ted. Who'd you think I was talking about?"

But Xander's eyes looked past her, a bit urgent. "Hi, Ted! Ted, who's here."

"Hello, kids!"

Alarmed at the voice, everyone turned to see the man in question walking towards them with a pleasant smile on his face that just turned Buffy's stomach. Was he stalking her now?! "What are you doing here?" she demanded.

"I'm updating the software in the guidance office. Which reminds me," he pulled several disks from his pocket and handed them to Willow, "your upgrades."

Just to compound Buffy's annoyance, Willow eagerly accepted the disks. "Oh, what a day! Thank you!" she beamed.

"Think nothing of it." Then, he leveled his untrustworthy gaze at her. "Buffy, do you like miniature golf?"

"Who doesn't?" Xander answered for her.

"Well, your mother and I were thinking maybe this Saturday we could drag the three of you out to the course, spend some time swinging the iron with the stuffy old people."

Buffy blinked, wanting so badly for this to be a bad dream. "Well, uh…"

"I'm making a picnic basket," he offered.

Xander's eyes widened. "With mini pizzas?"

"And cookies!"

Xander inhaled in wide-eyed, open-mouthed rapture, while Jesse grasped his shoulders and pulled him back a little. "Down, boy," he scolded. "Don't make me get the leash."

Buffy could tell she was losing. "You know what, we, we would love to, honestly, but, um, unfortunately we have that…," she looked at her friends for support, "thing on Saturday."

"Ohhh, that thing," Willow nodded, looking at the boys. "That thing."

Unfortunately, Xander and Jesse were not on board. "Hey, we can do that thing anytime. I'm tired of doing that 'thing'."

"Yeah, we're down to golf, eat and getting to know each other," Jesse said, giving Buffy a pointed look that she really didn't care for.

"Great!" Ted beamed.

Everyone smiled, so Buffy did as well, albeit with zero enthusiasm.

Giles hung around the door to Jenny's classroom. He'd been here for nearly four minutes, which made him feel ridiculous enough, but having to pretend he was doing something so as not to arouse the suspicions of the students made it worse. He had changed direction coming to and from the door a few times, trying not to look like he was hovering. He should've brought a book to pretend to read so he wouldn't look quite so odd, but then he ran the risk of actually reading it, and that would defeat the purpose.

The flow of students died down, and he stood just outside the door, trying to summon the nerve. It had been a few weeks since they'd last spoken, ever since he'd almost gotten her killed by Eyeghon. Maybe he just needed to confront her. Or maybe he should just go back to the library and wait for her to confront him. Or maybe he should stop overthinking this whole blasted business and –

"Hey, Giles!"

He nearly leapt out of his skin and whirled around in a fighting stance before realizing his attack greeter was Amy Madison, smiling up at him. "Oh! Amy!" he said, trying to pretend he was just going to scratch the top of his head and not rip hers off. "Hello! Er… how are you?"

"Fine, thanks!" Her eyes briefly flitted to the classroom door. "How are things with Ms Calendar?" she asked in a quieter voice.

Giles' eyebrows rose in alarm. "Ms Calendar?! I'm afraid I don't… er, that is, I don't… She and I aren't…!"

Amy bit back a smile. "Yeah, sorry, Buffy and the others told me you two were an item."

Thoroughly embarrassed, Giles tilted his head back to the heavens and let out a very unhappy sigh. "I see. Can't keep any secrets in this school." He glanced back towards the door longingly, wishing he could be in there with Jenny instead of out here with this random girl.

"Jesse told me about the whole Eyghon thing, too," she continued. "Because that Rayne guy came back. Is she okay?"

Giles rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know. I haven't spoken to her in almost a month. I'm trying to give her space, but I'm concerned for her, and I just… feel so lost right now."

"Well, if you don't mind a little unsolicited advice…"

He waved her on. "Oh, by all means, you might as well," he sighed.

"Maybe you should stop hovering around her door and actually give her some space. I know it's hard, but if you want to show you care, you've got to respect her boundaries."

"I do respect her boundaries…"

"You're hanging around her door like a serial killer waiting for her to step out."

Startled by the comparison, Giles looked between her and the door before taking a few awkward steps away. "No, I'm not."

Giggling, Amy patted his arm. "I get it. You're worried about her – but you're also worried she's going to leave you because of this, so you're trying to influence her to ensure she stays. You need to calm that down or else you risk driving her away."

Good lord, how did the teenagers in his life somehow have a better grasp on his love life than him? "I… Well, what happens if I give her the space and she still leaves?"

Amy shrugged. "Then, you respect her decision. No matter how hard it is."

The bluntness hurt, but Giles followed her reasoning. If Jenny ultimately chose to end things between them, then he would have to accept it and move on. It wasn't that he didn't think he would meet anyone else, but at the moment, he didn't want anyone else. Downtrodden at his options, he simply nodded goodbye and slouched off down the hall without a word to the library.

Buffy leaned absently on her putter while she listened to her friends move around the felt green. Ted had jokes and snacks galore, making everyone laugh and keeping everyone in high spirits. She hadn't had much of the picnic, but she smiled and forced out a laugh whenever appropriate – and a couple of times, not appropriate – like the dutiful daughter. Everyone seemed in a pretty cheerful mood regardless of what she did. Xander, Willow and Jesse all lapped it up, strangely dismissive of her concerns, and her mom completely bought into it. Maybe it was just her.

She observed quietly as Xander and Jesse stood before the latest hole, studying it closely like the goofballs they were. "Ah, the dreaded five-par cuckoo clock," she heard Xander remark. "Ha! So many have come, so few have conquered."

Jesse pretended to spit-polish his friend's ball – mostly just to gross Willow out – and put it in place. "All yours, Sir Sack-of-Doorknobs."

"That picnic was delicious," Joyce said to Ted as they hung back. "You know how rare it is to find a man that cooks?"

Jesse looked up from Xander's weak shot. "Women are into that, huh? Because I'd rather learn to cook than get tattooed and ride a motorcycle."

Ted chuckled. "I know I've been looking a long time for one." Annoyingly, he started addressing her. "So, Buffy, I bet the boys are lined up around the block tryin' to get a date with you."

"Not really," she replied stiffly. She really didn't want to get into that.

"Oh, they are," Willow exclaimed oh-so-helpfully, "but she's only interested in…" Buffy interrupted her with a gentle nudge to the arm, "uh, her studies! 'Book-cracker Buffy', it's kind of her nickname."

"Well, glad to hear it," Ted smiled, bending to position his ball for his shot. "I bet that means your grades will be picking up soon."

"My grades?" Buffy asked, looking glaring at her mother. "How does he know about my grades?"

Joyce shrugged, not picking up on just how annoyed she sounded. "I told him. He wants to know everything about you. He's concerned. That's a good thing." She watched him swing his putter. "Ooo, nice shot, Ted!"

Buffy's disbelief only increased. How the hell did she think talking about her grades like that would be okay with her? Stewing in anger, she followed everyone to the next hole, wishing for once they were playing on a real course so she could really take it out on the ball and get away with it.

She lined up her shot, glaring at the cute little castle at the end of the green felt. She got ready to swing when Ted's voice suddenly rang out oh-so-encouragingly. "Keep your eye on the ball. Watch those elbows!" Startled, she swung too hard, and the ball ricocheted off of the castle and into the rough behind it. "Oh! Bad luck, little lady!" he said just as cheerfully.

Rolling her eyes, Buffy started to walk to retrieve her ball for another try.

"Oh, we won't count it," Joyce assured her.

"We won't?" asked Ted, sounding genuinely surprised.

Buffy stopped and turned back to look at them, seeing Joyce shrug. "Well, it's just miniature golf."

"It is, but the rules are the rules," Ted continued in a tone equal parts condescending and firm. "And what we teach her is what she takes out into the world when we're not there, whether it's at school or an unchaperoned party." He noticed Buffy staring at him and tried to even out his tone. "I don't mean to overstep my bounds, this is between you and your mother, I just think right is right."

To Buffy's astonishment, Joyce looked thoughtful, as if this doofus had just laid down some heavy guru-style wisdom. "He has a point."

"Fine," Buffy grunted. "I'll just go hit my ball from the rough." She went over to her ball behind the castle and picked it up. Since when did anyone take miniature golf this seriously? She stepped onto the green, and thinking no one could see her, dropped her ball into the hole. "Hey, how 'bout that!" she said loudly. "Got a hole in two!"

"Beg to differ," said a blunt voice. She turned her head to see him standing next to the castle. She might not have minded if he looked or sounded just a bit more mischievous, like this would be their sneaky little secret or something corny like that. But Ted looked genuinely pissed at her right now, his calm demeanor a little unsettling.

"Okay, so fine my score or whatever," she replied, not liking being caught.

"I think you're missing the point here, little lady," he said sternly. "Right is right, wrong is wrong. Why don't people see that?"

She regarded him oddly. Seriously, what planet was this guy from? "It's just a game?"

But he didn't smile at all. In fact, she noticed the way he tapped his ankle with his putter pretty hard. "Right, it's just a game, do your own thing, well, I'm not wired that way. And I am here to tell you – it is not a game! It does count, and I don't stand for that kind of malarkey in my house!"

Almost feeling vindicated, Buffy gave a cold smile. "Then I guess it's a good thing I'm not in your house."

Ted glared at her as his voice lowered. "Do you want me to slap that smart-ass mouth of yours?"

Suddenly, Buffy felt the world stop for a moment. It was one thing for this guy to turn out to be a jerk, but a jerk who would dare strike her? Her brain sputtered from the shock of it all, unsure of what she could even say or do in response. She noticed the others come around the castle, and Ted followed her gaze. Like a switch being thrown, his menacing glare morphed quickly into his usual dopey grin.

"Who's up for dessert? I made chocolate-chip cookies!" he announced with a smile.

Behind him, Joyce opened the zip-lock bag of cookies, and she watched as Xander, Jesse and Willow swarmed around gratefully, completely unaware of this creep threatening her.

"Yeah! I-I made, uh, too many, so you guys are gonna have to take some home!" Ted continued, as if the encounter never happened.

She stared at him in stupefied silence as he offered her one with a smile.

That morning, things didn't get much better. Buffy attempted talking to her mom about Ted's threat, but for some reason, Joyce just didn't want to hear about it and defended her man to the hill – or 'hilt', whatever – and instead pontificated about how wonderful he was for not publicly calling her out for cheating at mini golf.

Her mood only deteriorated when she joined her friends on the quad. Even more annoyingly, Xander ate one of those accursed cookies. Jesse even had a ziploc baggie of them in his locker. Why did her friends prioritize snacks over her? She had to talk to Willow instead.

"What do you mean, 'check him out'?" Willow asked in a wary tone she always took when tasked with doing something naughty.

"I mean investigate him," Buffy clarified. "Find out his secrets, hack into his life."

"Find out where he sends his dry cleaning and have them starch his shorts," Jesse added.

"Can you say 'overreaction'?" Xander asked as he finished his cookie.

Buffy glared fiercely at them both. "Can you two say 'sucking chest wound'?"

Willow still squirmed at the task she had been handed. "Buffy, it just seems like you want him to be corrupt, or something."

"The guy lost his senses over mini-golf!"

Xander shrugged. "So he's a little uptight. Last I heard, that's not a slaying offense."

Buffy tried glaring again, but Jesse had his friend's back. "You have to admit, you've been against him from millisecond one. If there was really something ooky about his guy, I don't think your mom would date him. She's smarter than that, right?"

Huffing, Buffy sat with Willow on a bench while the guys remained standing in front of them. "I'd like to think so, but she flat out denied he could've possibly said anything unpleasant toward me. I should think as her daughter, she would trust me more than him."

She heard footsteps behind her, and she turned to see Cordelia walking past with her usual 'hotter than thou' attitude. Even if she'd helped out during the Spike business last week, it did little to dent her attitude towards them.

Then, Xander noticed her as well and said something totally weird. "Hey, Cordy! Nice outfit." Not even a trace of sarcasm.

Cordelia stopped to look at him. "Oh, very funny," she sneered.

Xander shrugged. "Not really."

Her eyes narrowed. "What are you saying?"

Xander looked between his friends, as if trying to subtly ask them what he was doing wrong. "Nice outfit?"

Cordelia looked even more indignant. "Well, why don't you just keep your mouth shut!" she snapped, and she stalked off.

They watched her go, bemused. "Someone skipped breakfast today," murmured Jesse.

Xander, however, looked agitated. "Would you guys excuse me for a sec?" he said before hurrying after her.

Willow frowned. "What's up with them?"

Buffy and Jesse shrugged before resuming the conversation. "Anyway," Jesse said, sitting next to them on the bench. "I believe we were discussing stalking your mom's boyfriend?"

"Guys, I'm not wrong here," Buffy insisted. "Ted has a problem with me. He acts like I'm in the way or something. And Mom's been totally different since he's around."

Willow gave her a 'knowing' look. "Different, like happy?"

"Like Stepford. Will you help me?"

"You know I will. What do you want me to look for?"

"Let's start small. Can you find out where he works?"

Buffy watched Ted at his desk and moved into the snack area to observe him. She tried not to look too inconspicuous, but she didn't care enough for coffee to go to the trouble of making herself a cup. She focused over the babble of voices all trying to sell people their products.

Then, she heard Ted's irritatingly pleasant voice coming from his desk. "No, Mrs. Lawnsdale, it is not an inexpensive piece of software. As a matter of fact, it's a very expensive one. Which removes the risk of crashing your whole system. Of course, if you prefer something cheap, I can always recommend… Trust me, you won't be sorry. Thank you very much."

He took off his headset and put it down at last, mercifully stopping talking. Upon seeing him get up, she quickly crouched down and hid under the snack table. He walked over to the sales board and made another hack mark by his name. "Goin' to lunch!" he announced, earning a few eyerolls as he jauntily walked out the door.

Buffy stood back up and watched him leave. One of the other employees walked up and started pouring himself a pot of coffee. He nodded amiably towards her. "You're new, aren't ya? I'm Neal."

"I'm B… Linda. Belinda," Buffy fumbled. "I'm just temping for the day." She looked at the board. "Wow, that guy's a salesman. I guess he's the one to beat around here."

Neal nodded. "Nobody beats 'The Machine'. The guy's a genius. Knows everything about computers, never loses a client… If I sound bitter, I am," he added, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Well, nobody likes an overachiever," Buffy nodded. Neal chuckled, which gave her the courage to dig a little deeper. "Uh, he's probably got ex-wives, and families to support."

"He's just got a girlfriend. I'm amazed he let her clutter his desk." Buffy followed his gaze. She saw a single picture frame on it beside the computer and nothing else. "Thank God he's taking off for the wedding," he continued.

That made Buffy's whole world sputter and die. "The wedding?"

"Yeah, he's got it set for two months from now. Believe me, I am counting the days." He glanced over his shoulder and saw someone with a bigger paycheck coming. "Uh-oh, the ueber-boss. Back to the salt mines." He walked off back to his cube.

Buffy casually made her way to Ted's desk, looking around to see if anyone noticed her. Feeling safe for now, she looked at the picture, and it struck her as familiar. She took it, opened up the back and pulled it out. Noticing it had been folded, she unfolded it and realized it was the picture of her and her mother from their refrigerator at home with her own face folded back.

Jesse headed up the hallway with his backpack strap in his knuckles. He checked his watch again. Still no sign of Buffy. He and Willow had agreed to cover for her while she snooped around Ted's office, but he'd rather she got herself back here pronto.

En route to his locker, he spotted Amy Madison approaching him with her usual smile, and he smiled back as she approached. He hadn't expected to become good friends with her, but she'd been talking to him more frequently lately, and even if she didn't get every single joke or reference he made, she still bounced off his personality pretty well. "Hey, Madison – what's new?" he asked.

"Not much," she replied, falling in step alongside him. "Have you talked to Giles recently?"

A bit bemused at the inquiry after the Watcher slash librarian, he shrugged. "Haven't really seen him lately. We all kinda needed a break after the Cult guys were here. Why?"

"I saw him yesterday loitering outside Ms Calendar's room. Talked him off the ledge, but still, I wanted to be sure."

Jesse smiled knowingly. "Poor guy," he sighed as he walked up to his locker and did the combination. "If he's wandering into stalking a computer science teacher, he needs something else to occupy his time."

"Like killing demons?"

"I was thinking needlepoint, myself." He pulled out a few things to make room for his books, pulling out a baggy full of Ted's chocolate chip cookies. It felt so weird to be handling the food of a man his friend was currently investigating. Maybe Buffy needed a hobby, too.

Amy eyed the cookies curiously. "Cookies?"

"Oh yeah, Buffy's mom's boyfriend made them. They're really good." He continued to put things away, and he was just about to put the cookies back, too, when Amy cleared her throat expectantly. To his credit, it only took him two seconds to realize. "Would you like one?" he asked patronizingly.

"Yes, please," she replied with an amused grin.

He opened the bag and handed her one, then resealed it and placed it back in his locker. "Trying to save these. They're really good."

Amy nodded. "So Buffy's mom is dating again? How's that going?"

Jesse grimaced. "Not great. I mean, her mom is doing fine. Buffy's totally wigging. She's convinced he's up to something."

The cookie paused halfway to her mouth as a look of concern crossed Amy's face. "Why? Has he done something?"

Jesse lolled his head briefly in thought. "Well… and, bear in mind, there were no witnesses to this… but Buffy said he threatened to slap her when she cheated at minigolf."

The cookie lowered even more now. "Wait, what? He said that?!"

A little startled by her demeanor, Jesse shrugged helplessly. "I mean, none of us heard it, so we don't know for sure what happened, but…"

"Jesse, just because you didn't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen," she said sternly, waving the cookie at him. "Buffy's your friend. You should listen to her."

Feeling just a tiny bit bad now, Jesse nodded. "Well, it's just that she's been hating on this guy since before this threat happened, and, well, we weren't sure if she was just saying things because her mom's got a guy…"

Amy nodded. "Well, I get that. I remember when my dad started dating again last year, it wigged me out, too." She gave him a look. "That being said, not one of my dad's girlfriends has ever threatened to slap me." She took a very pointed bite of her cookie and raised an eyebrow as she ate it.

Jesse sighed heavily. That bit of bad he felt now felt very bad. "Okay, you're right. We should side with her. I'm just worried it's gonna drive her to do something worse. She's already had Willow find out where this guy lives, and now she's infiltrating his office to find some dirt on him."

Taking another bite, Amy tilted her head. "Well, getting past the whole 'using Willow to hack his life' thing, which is a whole other kettle of fish, what is she expecting to find at his office?" She took a third bite.

"Not sure. I guess she wants to verify he's human before she does anything else. I mean, some of the people in her life that give her the wiggies usually turn out to be otherworldly."

Amy giggled as she took a fourth bite. "Mmmm, that's a funny word, 'wiggies'," she said while munching.

Jesse smiled a little. "Yeah, I guess so."

"And you know what else is funny?" Amy continued, moving in closer to him. "You're funny! Y'know, I've always thought so! You're funny, funny, funny!"

She continued to giggle, leaning close enough that he felt compelled to step back, the smile slowly leaving his face. "Amy, are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm great! 'Cuz I'm with you! And you're always great! I always like talking to you!"

Swallowing, Jesse became aware of just how close she was. "Amy…"

Suddenly, the bell rang, and they both jumped apart. Amy laughed, wobbling a little. "Whoops-a-daisy! Time for class!" She reached out and patted his cheek. "I will see you… later!" She sauntered off, tossing the last of her cookie into her mouth.

Jesse watched her go, then felt slightly wrong for watching her go for so long, and tried to wrap his brain around this. Where had that come from? She'd been normal until she started eating… the cookie… He pulled the bag of cookies out of his locker and looked at them suspiciously.

Willow frowned as she looked into the microscope. "I feel so weird doing this."

"You and me both," Jesse replied, pacing behind her, waiting to hand her something if she needed it. "But you should've seen Amy. She went from stern and concerned to goofy and silly after half a cookie. It's not like her."

They had the bag of cookies sitting on a scale. Willow had broken some apart and examined the crumbs in whatever tools a high school science lab could provide her. Luckily, she enjoyed this kind of thing, so Jesse didn't feel bad asking her to stay after school and help him. He'd tried to hunt down Xander, but he'd disappeared sometime after their last class. Weirdly, so had Cordelia, as her car remained parked outside even though school had been over for nearly thirty minutes.

"I just don't know what you expect to find in here," Willow continued, focusing the microscope. "I mean, how could a cookie be – oh."

Jesse's head snapped up. "'Oh'?" he repeated. "What 'oh'? There's an 'oh'?"

"A foreign substance," Willow said, turning up the microscope's light. "I'll have to cross-reference it, but… the secret ingredient definitely isn't love."

Exchanging a wary glance with Willow, Jesse knocked on the Summers' door. While they waited, he checked his watch. Just after dinner time. Maybe Ted would be gone by now. It didn't sound like he stayed overnight, based on Buffy's descriptions. The door opened, and he put on his best smile as Joyce opened it. She looked very surprised to see them, but she also didn't look very happy. "Jesse? Willow? What are you both doing here?"

"Hi, Mrs Summers," Willow said brightly. "Is Buffy home?"

Joyce's expression only darkened slightly. "I'm afraid this isn't a good time, kids. Buffy's… up in her room. She's… well, she's being punished."

Jesse cleared his throat. "Actually, Mrs Summers, we're here to see you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you see, we…" He trailed off, peering over her shoulder for anyone else. "Are you alone right now?" he asked in a lower voice.

A little taken aback by the question, Joyce furrowed her brow at him. "I mean, Ted's upstairs somewhere…"

"Then, would you mind talking to us out on the front porch?"

"It's a little… delicate, ma'am," Willow agreed, her earlier brightness now looking very uneasy.

Suspecting something was up, Joyce stepped out onto the front porch and shut the door behind them, now looking very concerned. "Kids, is something wrong?"

Feeling she didn't have an ally in the world right now, Buffy surveyed the park from her swing, tapping a stake in her hand. "Vampires…," she crooned softly. "Here, vampires…" She wanted to fight so bad, but dammit, the dead seemed to remain dead tonight. Selfish jerks.

She'd tried confronting Ted over dinner with her mother, but the whole thing had devolved into an argument, and she'd been sent to her room without eating dinner. How the hell could she live in her own house if he was going to become a fixture to it? Could she move in with Giles? He was her Watcher, after all. It would be nice to live with someone who knew her secret. Maybe she could move in with Willow – by all accounts, her parents probably wouldn't notice, given how much her friend talked about them not noticing her. She threw out the idea of moving in with Angel – that would have to remain an idle fantasy. God, it would be so romantic, though…

Checking her watch, she knew she couldn't stay out all night. Tired, disappointed and full of disappointment, she headed for home.

"So," Willow said, shaking slightly with anxiety but determined to finish her explanations, "we went through all the books and everything we could find online, and… I'm not positive, but I think it's Dematorin."

Joyce frowned from her wicker chair. "What's Dematorin?"

"It's like a tranquilizer, keeps you all mellow and compliant. It also shares a few components with Ecstasy."

Jesse nodded. "We think Ted's been putting this in the food he cooks. I mean, it would explain a few things. He cooks everything with this stuff, and it makes everyone all compliant with everything he does, and we all walk away thinking he's just a talented cook."

Joyce, however, crossed her arms, eyeing them both suspiciously. "Did Buffy put you two up to this?"

Willow's eyes widened. "No, no, we promise! She doesn't even know we're here!"

"Because she's been very vindictive towards Ted from the minute she laid eyes on him, and he's been nothing but decent and loving towards her."

"Apart from saying he would slap her for cheating at mini-golf," Jesse pointed out.

"He said no such thing!"

"None of us heard him. That doesn't mean he didn't say it."

Joyce rose abruptly from her seat and glared at them. "Ted would never hurt anyone. If Buffy would just give him a chance…!"

But Jesse held up a hand, rising up to his feet as well. "Mrs Summers, with all due respect, this doesn't sound like you. Now, I know it's not easy being single – you told me as much last year – but… I'd like to think you'd believe your daughter over some guy you just met, right?"

Joyce opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out except for a few sputtering sounds. "I didn't…!" she tried, but she couldn't think of a sentence to go with those words. "I mean, I wasn't…," she tried again, this time sounding more unsure of herself. "I…" She looked between her daughter's friends, and she became increasingly uneasy, wrapping her arms around herself as uncertainty consumed her.

Jesse shared a concerned glance with Willow before putting a hand on Joyce's shoulder. "Mrs Summers," he said quietly, "I think maybe we need to have a talk with Ted."

Having found nothing to slay, Buffy sullenly climbed up the side of the house to her window. She crawled in, set her feet down on the floor and dusted herself off. She almost started to put away the stake in her back pocket when she got the fright of her life – Ted sitting in her chair, waiting for her patiently, a cold look on his face. "What are you doing in here?" she demanded.

"Your mother told you to go to your room, Buffy," he said calmly. "You and I both know she didn't mean climb out a window and go gallivanting about town."

"First of all, this is my room, second…" She trailed off when she saw her Slayer stuff lying on her desk – weapons, garlic, crucifixes, the works. "You've been going through my things?"

"Yes, I have," he replied, as if this wasn't an invasion of her privacy.

"That's my personal property! How dare you?!"

"I don't see how it's any different from you snooping around my office, do you?" he replied, before reaching down and holding up her diary, opening it to a certain page. "What exactly is a Vampire Slayer?"

Buffy felt her blood run cold but tried to remain angry. "It's none of your business."

"Beg to differ, little lady. Everything you do is nothing but my business from now on."

Rage building, Buffy's thoughts turned to all the ways she could beat the cookies out of this creep. "I think you better get out of here," she hissed. "Now!"

"Or what?" Ted demanded, standing up and taking a menacing step toward her. "You'll slay me? I'm real. I'm not some goblin you made up in your little diary. Psychiatrists have a word for something like this: 'delusional'. So, from now on, you'll do what I say, when I say, or I show this to your mother, and you'll spend your best dating years behind the wall of a mental institution." He leaned in very close, no sign of the amiable goof he acted like in front of everyone else. "Your mother and I are going to be happy. You're not going to stand in the way. Sleep tight!"

He started to leave the room, and opened the door to go out. Buffy followed him and grabbed hold of his hand that had her diary. "That's mine, and you are not leaving this room with it!"

"Take your hand off me," he said, bubbling with fury.

"No."

Ted slapped her hard, almost punching her, and sent her colliding with the wall.

Before Buffy could retaliate, though, she heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and to her shock, Jesse came bounding up, followed by Willow, who hung back at the top of the stairs. They saw Buffy on the floor, and they saw Ted holding the diary standing over her. "Oh my god! Buffy, are you okay?" Willow cried.

"I'm fine," Buffy growled, rubbing her jaw as she started to get up again.

"What the hell are you kids doing here?!" Ted demanded, glowering at them.

Willow, however, looked past him at Buffy. "Buffy, I'm sorry we didn't listen to you! You were right! He was up to something!"

"He drugged the cookies," added Jesse. "And probably the rest of the food. Deter-something-or-other."

"Dematorin."

"Yeah, thanks, Will. That's why he insisted on doing all the cooking!"

At last, it all snapped together in Buffy's brain. So many things made sense now – why everyone just went along with his bull while no one would listen to her complaints, why everyone went nuts about his cooking that she had never really tried. "You…," she said, her voice dripping with disgust. "What did you do to my mom?"

Ted glared at her. "I told you. Your mother and I will be happy together."

"Is that why you gave her a happy drug, Ted?" Jesse snapped. "Couldn't get by on just personality alone?"

Ted whirled around and glared savagely at him. "You keep your trap shut, you little creep. I don't know what you two are trying to do, but you are going to stay away from Joyce, and we are going to be together – whether any of you like it or not!"

At that moment, Buffy heard more footsteps on the stairs, and to her shock, she saw her mother coming up, having been just hidden out of sight by Willow. She was looking at Ted the way she should've been looking at him this whole time – as far as Buffy was concerned, anyway – with shock and horror.

For the first time that night, Ted's expression looked uncertain. "Joyce."

"Oh my god," Joyce murmured, her breathing heavy. "Oh my god, it's true, isn't it?" Willow tried to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, but the older woman shrugged her off as she began to step closer, her expression hardening. "All this time, you've been… to me and my daughter… I let you into my home, you sick, twisted – !"

"Joyce, please, try to understand…!" Ted said urgently, trying to placate her while also slowly moving backwards.

"You get out of my house right this instant, you…!"

"You're not listening! Joyce, you're not listening!"

Jesse moved forward to grab him. "Okay, Theodore – time to skedaddle!"

But Ted shoved him away. "Don't touch me! I'm not going anywhere!"

"I'm calling the police!" Willow announced, running down the stairs as quickly as she could.

"Get back here, you little…!"

With everyone yelling at once, Buffy took advantage of the chaos to grab Ted from behind and use her superior strength to haul him away from everyone and throw him to the floor. He cried out in pain as he went crashing down before thrashing out with his legs, trying to kick her in retaliation, but he couldn't get a good angle, and she managed to dodge him. "We need to tie him up until the police get here!"

Ted still thrashed as he got to his feet. "You rotten miserable little – !"

Buffy cut him off with a strong punch to the jaw. He responded by slugging her back, causing her head to jerk backwards, and she heard her mother cry out in alarm. Just as she reoriented herself, he darted into her room. She gave chase, only to see him dive headfirst out of the still-open window, gliding through it with surprising agility. Letting out a shriek – scumbag or not, he was still a human being – she ran after him, sticking her entire torso out into the night air…

She saw him running off around the house, seemingly uninjured, and disappearing around the corner. A moment later, she heard a car engine start, followed by headlights as he roared off into the night.

Buffy hung back as she watched the police swarm her house. They searched her room – while she made sure to hide her Slaying paraphernalia someplace safe – and dusted everywhere for fingerprints and anything they could use. She could see Jesse and Willow talking to officers – they'd handed over the cookies as evidence, and there were some experts collecting food samples from tonight's dinner for further analysis.

Wandering into the dining room, she watched her mom talking to a detective. She'd managed to stop shaking, something she hadn't been able to do over the last twenty minutes since it happened.

"How long had you and him been seeing each other?" the detective asked.

"Just a few weeks," Joyce replied, her voice a little less steady but still trying to keep it together. "We met at my art gallery. He updated our computer software."

"Do you know where he worked?"

"Lorrin Software. I still have his business card somewhere if you'd like that."

"Yes, in a minute. Did he exhibit any signs of troubling behavior before tonight?"

Joyce let out a heavy sigh, putting her hand to her forehead to compose herself. "Maybe. I'm not sure. If he was using that happy drug the whole time, I'm probably not a good judge of his behavior." She paused for a moment. "My daughter wouldn't eat the food, though. She might have noticed things…" She trailed off as a thought came to her, her eyes widening.

"Mrs Summers?" the detective asked gently.

"Buffy said… he threatened to slap her for… cheating at mini golf," Joyce almost gasped, the realization really hitting her now, "and I didn't believe her…" Tears came to her eyes.

Buffy quietly backed out of the room. Her mother hadn't cried yet the whole evening, and that's the thing she cried over. It was just too much for her to bear.

"He was in my room," Buffy told the detective. "And we got into an argument."

"About what?" she asked, writing in her notepad.

Buffy fumbled briefly. Did she bring up the fact that she had been out without permission? "He, um…"

But the detective looked up, interrupting her. "Was this the first time that you two had had an argument?"

"No. He threatened me. He… said that he would slap me."

"Was this the threat he made at the miniature golf course?"

Buffy nodded. "Yes. But tonight, he had my diary, and I tried to take it back, and that's when he hit me."

"Where?" Buffy raised her hand to indicate her right cheek, and the detective leaned over to have a look. "Well, it doesn't look like he hit you very hard."

Buffy shrugged, equal parts grateful for and annoyed by her Slayer healing. "I don't bruise easily."

After almost two hours of asking questions and searching the area, the police finally wrapped up their visit. "We're going to have some officers in the area keeping an eye out for him," the detective assured them. "In the meantime, leave some lights on, and don't hesitate to call in an emergency." She shook hands with Joyce. "We'll let you know when we have information."

"Thank you," Joyce said quietly.

Buffy watched as the police filed out and took to their squad cars, driving off into the night. She rubbed her arms tiredly, looking around into the night air. She didn't see him anywhere, but she felt like no matter where she looked – at a neighbor's yard, in the trees, in the shrubs – Ted was somewhere in the shadows, watching them. Shivering, she went back inside where the others waited.

"Buffy?" Willow asked quietly. "Do you need anything?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, just… you guys head home." She smiled weakly. "And thank you both so much for coming."

"Anytime, Buffinator," Jesse replied, nodding a little.

She started to walk them to the door, but she stopped suddenly and abruptly hugged Willow tightly. Although startled, the redheaded girl hugged her back, and a moment later, she felt Jesse put his arms around them both. As rough as this had been, she felt nothing but gratitude that her friends had her back.

After a few moments, they all separated, and Jesse looked across to Joyce, who had been pacing nearby but paused to observe them. "Mrs Summers, are you gonna be okay?"

She nodded, a little too vigorously to be convincing. "I'm okay. I mean, I'm going to be okay. I just… God, I feel so stupid. I just…"

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself," Willow assured her. "If it hadn't been for the drug, you probably would've noticed he was a creep a lot sooner." She frowned briefly. "Although, if he hadn't had the drug, he would've been less of a creep to start with. Although…"

Jesse put a hand on her shoulder. "Come on, Will," he smiled. "Time for bed."

Seeing them safely out the door and making sure they had the proper protection against the usual Sunnydale nightlife – and also giving them a nice heavy flashlight to bash a man's skull in if he came back – Buffy shut and leaned against the door, heaving a relieved sigh to have that over. If Ted did come back, she'd feel free to give him a decent slug to the face.

"Well!" she said, hoping to come up with a quip to lighten the mood, but when she saw the look on her mother's face – trembling, dazed, about to cry again – it died on her lips. "Mom…?"

Joyce's face crumpled and she hurried over to her daughter. "Oh god, Buffy, I'm so sorry…!" she wailed.

Startled, Buffy held her in her arms and rubbed her back soothingly. "Shhh," she whispered. "It's okay. We're okay." But she knew it would be a while before her mom felt any better.

The next day, Buffy decided to go to school like normal. At least, as normal as she could. When she entered the hall, everyone seemed to be looking at her – or was it her imagination? How much did everyone know about what went on at her place last night? Of all the times for her classmates to start taking an interest in her, it had to be when the weird psycho almost took over her life.

She wandered into the lounge where she met up with Willow, Jesse and an alarmed-looking Xander. "Buffy!" he exclaimed, going over to her. "Will and Jess just told me everything! Are you okay?"

"How come you're here?" asked Willow, guiding her over to the couches.

"I couldn't stay at home," Buffy sighed as she sat next to her friend. "Mom went to work today, too."

"Probably for the best," nodded Jesse as he and Xander sat on the table facing them. "She'll be safer with her coworkers than alone at home."

"God," Xander said, shaking his head in bewilderment. "I just can't believe it." He made a face. "I can't believe I practically sang the guy's praises over making tiny pizza and cookies. I mean, were they even actually good or was that just the drug talking?"

"So many questions," added Jesse. "Like, what did he even want? What was his endgame?"

"I don't know," said Buffy in a harsh voice. "But the next time I see him, his nose is going through the back of his head."

"Whoa, easy, girl," Willow said, looking alarmed. "I totally hear you, but Ted's a human creep, not an otherworldly creep. Maybe you should take a step back and let the police handle this?"

"To hell with that!" scoffed Xander. "The guy was totally willing to beat up what he thought was a defenseless teenage girl! Guy deserves whatever he gets – Slayer strength or not."

Jesse smirked. "We'll take him mini-golfing again and push him in the fake lake. Then, we 'putter' him senseless."

They all smiled a little at the thought, glad to have some levity in an otherwise disturbing situation. Buffy still felt uneasy, but she felt better now that she had her friends back on her side. She checked her watch and started to leave. "I should check in with Giles – let him know what's what," she said, grabbing her things.

The others nodded in agreement, and they all went their separate ways. Buffy wandered to the library, pleased to find it nice and quiet as per the usual. She looked around and spotted Giles in his office, reading the newspaper with a cup of tea. She gently rapped on the open door, and he looked up, surprised.

"Buffy!" he exclaimed, rising to his feet. "How are you? How's your mother?"

"We're fine. She's a little shaky, but she's soldiering on." Then, she frowned. "Did the guys tell you? How'd you know?"

Giles wordlessly held up the paper, and she eyed the title of the article he'd been reading – Local Salesman Drugging Girlfriend, complete with a blurry photo of a cheerful Ted.

"I see," she murmured.

"Yes, it mentions that you fought him off and he escaped," Giles nodded. "What exactly happened?"

Buffy shrugged. "He got away. I tried to apprehend him, but he fought back and got out my bedroom window – which I stupidly left open after sneaking out to take my frustrations out on vampires."

"You didn't pursue him out the window?"

"He'd already made it to the ground."

Giles' eyebrows rose. "He made it down from a two-story house that quickly?"

Buffy thought about that. She'd been so caught up in the crazy that she hadn't properly registered the events. "He… dove out of my window. Like, jumping off a diving board… but there wasn't anything for him to land on. It couldn't have taken me more than four seconds to get to the window. He was already on the grass and running to his car." She looked at her Watcher. "Huh… So maybe Teddy's not so human after all."

"Possibly," Giles said, "but we don't know for certain."

"The signs are pointing that way. I get the feeling I should probably find him before the police do, just for their safety."

But Giles shook his head. "No."

"'No'? Giles, whatever he is, he came after my mother. I'm not about to take that lying down."

"Buffy, it's precisely because he came after your mother that you mustn't go looking for him. You can't leave her unprotected."

That thought sent a chill through Buffy's spine. She hadn't thought about that. Her desire for revenge had briefly overwhelmed the knowledge that this guy, whatever species he might be, would be dangerous, and her mother would be unable to properly defend herself. "Oh god," she breathed. "I… I need to…"

Giles nodded, straightening his glasses. "Stay in tonight. Stay with your mother. He clearly homed in on her for a reason – whatever it might be. If you stay with her long enough, you will find him."

Swallowing heavily, Buffy nodded in agreement. "And the Slaying?"

He smiled slightly. "I have been known to stake vampires in my time. I'll pick up the slack as necessary. You do what's important."

Buffy smiled up at him. "Thank you," she said before turning and leaving. She would finish her classes and then go straight home.

That afternoon, Buffy went home to look after Joyce, while the others gathered in the library. While Giles gathered weapons in the cage, Willow and Cordelia sat at the table while the former surfed for information. Jesse hovered behind them, trying to follow her activity on the screen, while Xander paced behind them.

"Man, this is killing me! What's this bastard up to? If I could just get my hands on him…" The others gave him a look. "Earlier this week," he added hastily.

"I thought you liked him," Cordelia frowned.

"I sometimes like things that are not good for me," he replied sharply.

"I'm trying to find whatever I can on him," Willow said. "Xander, do you have a pen?"

While Xander dug around in his bag, Jesse leaned in closer. "What are we looking for, exactly?"

"Anything to try and find what Ted wanted from Mrs Summers," Willow explained. "Starting with a criminal record of some kind."

Giles came out of the cage with his bag in one hand and the crossbow in the other. He set the former on the table and put the latter in. Jesse straightened as he watched him go back for more. "You're really going vampire hunting? Alone?"

The older man added several crosses to his bag. "Um, well, Buffy's not in any shape to patrol. The least I can do is pick up the slack. Someone has to."

Willow paused her work to look at him with a worried expression. "Giles, you shouldn't go out there without the Slayer."

"Until Buffy's mother is safe, there is no Slayer. I assure you all that I am quite capable."

"Do you need any help?" asked Cordelia. It wasn't like her to offer, but even she could see the Watcher's slightly clumsy efforts just to pack his weapons bag.

But Giles shook his head. "No, uh, Buffy needs your help more than I. You carry on investigating, see if you can find out as much about this Buchanan chap as possible." He picked up his bag and turned to go, carrying a stake to put in his back pocket.

At that moment, the library door swung open, and Amy walked in, briefly taken aback by the sight of the librarian seemingly aiming a wooden stake at her. She froze where she stood, startled. "Um, I'm sorry," she said, holding her hands up. "Is… this a private meeting?"

"Oh! No," Giles stammered, quickly pocketing the stake. "Just… going on the hunt tonight."

Amy lowered her hands. "Gotcha. You look like you're all set." He started to walk towards the door, but she put a hand on his arm and looked at him with concern. "You okay?"

Giles nodded briefly, almost smiling. "As I can be."

She smiled. "Go get 'em, tiger." She let him go, and once he left, she wandered into the room. "What's going on?"

"Uh, long story short, Buffy's mom's boyfriend turned out to be a creepazoid, and now we're trying to find him before the police do because he might be a demon," said Cordelia.

Jesse looked at Amy curiously. "What brings you here, Ames?" he asked. "Looking for a book?"

She shifted, suddenly looking a little uncomfortable. "Uh, no," she said, briefly looking at her feet as she fidgeted with her hands. "I actually came to see you, Jesse."

"Me?" He looked surprised.

She took a step towards him, lowering her voice. "I… may have said some things to you yesterday," she said, a slight blush spreading across her face. "Things that were maybe a bit… embarrassing… Y'know, for both of us? And I just wanted you to know that… well, I don't normally act like that…"

But Jesse raised a hand to wave off her concerns. "Oh, no sweat," he said breezily. "It was the cookie."

Amy blinked, confused. "The cookie?"

"Yeah, the one Buffy's mom's boyfriend made? It was drugged." He paused, possibly realizing how glib he sounded. "Also – sorry for feeding you a drugged cookie. The point is, don't worry about anything you said yesterday. It was the cookie's fault."

Amy looked like she was trying to get her brain working again before she finally gave a nervous-sounding laugh. "Yes," she said slowly. "Yeah, the drugged cookie made me say those things. One hundred percent."

Cordelia looked between them, curious. "What did the cookie make you say?" she asked.

They both jumped at her voice, and Amy started blushing again. "Oh! Just, er… well…"

"She said I was funny," Jesse said.

"Ohhh," Cordelia said, as if that explained everything. "Must've been one helluva cookie."

Before Jesse could retort, Willow slammed her hand on the table. "Ted's got no criminal record! Damn! This guy's like Citizen of the Year!"

Xander shook his head knowingly. "That just means he was good at covering his tracks. There's gotta be more to look at."

"Do we know where he lives?" Jesse asked, crossing over to the table. "Maybe there's clues there."

"I can pull up his address," Willow confirmed, "but don't you think the police will already be looking?"

"Never hurts to look deeper," Xander said firmly. "The least we can do is check it out."

Cordelia rolled her eyes as they all gathered their things. "Going to the weird psycho's house! Fu-u-u-u-un!"

"So you'll give us a ride?"

"Of course."

Beaming at her, Xander stepped aside all gentleman-like to let her pass. She smiled briefly before reasserting her 'tude' and strode by him.

Amy stood awkwardly by as they started to leave before she locked eyes with Jesse again, who looked at her curiously. "You… wanna come, too?" he asked.

"To break into the home of Mrs Summers' psycho boyfriend?" she asked. Then, she shrugged and smiled. "Sounds like a hoot."

Hanging around the house never felt this tense before. Whenever she got into serious trouble before, she'd never seen her mother like this. Even burning down the gym at her old school didn't result in this kind of thing.

Hearing some quiet activity in the kitchen, Buffy eased her way inside, relieved to find Joyce alone – just packing away a bunch of cooking supplies. That would probably sting for a while. "Can I help?" she asked quietly.

Joyce looked up, surprised but trying to remain calm. "It's done. I've been meaning to clean out this junk for months. Do you, uh, have homework?"

"Mom, I'm sorry."

Joyce looked at her, uncomprehending. "For what?"

Buffy thought for a moment, realizing she wasn't entirely sure of that herself. So much had happened… "Everything this past week," she decided at last. "You. Me. Him. Just… everything."

Joyce wrapped her arms around herself, glancing out the windows. "I just feel like he's out there somewhere, watching me." She shuddered at the thought. "I don't know how I'm ever going to feel comfortable in this house again."

Buffy stepped closer, hoping to bring her some level of comfort. "Maybe we could go somewhere. Nothing fancy – we could just get a motel on the other side of town." She tried smiling a little. "Or we could try DisneyLand. Get the Seven Dwarves to protect us."

Joyce smiled a little, but her eyes still looked red. "You just want out of school for a few days."

"I mean, that's separate from this situation, but sure." They both chuckled, but Buffy could see her mother about to cry again, and she put her arms around her, resting her chin on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, too," Joyce sighed as she tried to hold back the sobs.

"For what?" Buffy asked quietly.

"Everything."

Smiling a little, Buffy drew back to look her in the eye, aware of her own eyes stinging a little. "I don't think either of us came across too well these last few days." They smiled a little at each other and hugged again.

The park never looked inviting at night, but without Buffy around, Giles felt far more on edge than he felt was befitting for a Watcher. How the hell long had he been doing this? Watchers aren't afraid of the bloody dark. He walked past some bushes, his crossbow in hand and looking for trouble.

Then, he heard a noise behind him that made him jump. He spun around and held up his cross with a gasp.

Jenny Calendar smiled sheepishly at him. "Yeah, I get that reaction from men all the time."

Giles lowered the cross, trying to get his breath back and his heart rate down. "Jenny! What are you doing here?"

She took a few steps toward him. "I saw your car back there. I wanted to talk."

But Giles' eyes flitted to something behind her. "Well, now is… not the best time to go ta…"

"No, no, please, please, lemme just, lemme get this out." She took a deep breath, steeling her resolve. "I overheard you outside my classroom talking to Amy, and I realize maybe I shouldn't be avoiding you. I mean, I know how badly you must feel about putting me in danger before, and…"

Giles continued to look over her shoulder. "Right in harm's view now." A vampire came out of the bushes behind Jenny and growled at them before moving in to attack. Jenny screamed in fright and jumped aside, so the vampire crashed into Giles, grabbing him and pulling him to the ground with him. Giles held his cross in the vampire's face. "MY BAG!" he shouted.

Jenny jumped over to the dropped bag and pulled out the crossbow. Giles struggled with the vampire and punched him in the face, but the vampire barely reacted. He punched him again harder, and this time the vampire pulled away far enough for him to get his foot underneath him to push him off. The vampire landed on his back while Giles scrambled to his feet.

As it jumped up and started to wrestle with Giles, Jenny, in the meantime, had loaded a bolt into the crossbow and anxiously looked for an opening. They turned back and forth, not giving her a clear shot. For a moment, she thought she had it. "Say 'goodnight', big guy!" She fired her bolt, and it promptly embedded itself in Giles' lower back.

He cried out in pain, and she began to panic as she frantically bent down to search the bag for another bolt. The vampire laughed. "Nice shot, lady!" She found another bolt and stood up to try reloading, but then, she saw Giles had taken the bolt from his back and jammed it into the vampire's chest. He fell to his knees and exploded into ashes.

Jenny ran to Giles and knelt down to help him as best she could. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry…"

"I think I'm all right," Giles lied.

"You're just in shock – "

"No, really. It didn't go in that deep. The advantages of layers of tweed, I guess. Better than kevlar."

Jenny remained adamant that she had nearly killed him. "We've still got to get you to a hospital."

"Yes," he finally relented. They started to move, but then the injury flared up. "OW! Ow. Let's move slowly, shall we?" To his astonishment, Jenny actually started laughing. "What is it?"

"Some night, huh? You sure know how to woo a girl back, don't you."

Perhaps it was just the madness of the last minute and a half, but he had to admit – it was mad enough to be amusing. He started to laugh, but that made his back hurt again. "Owwwwww."

"Hospital," Jenny said firmly, taking him back to her car.

When the Scooby Gang arrived at Ted's house, they saw a police car and a few officers walking around the area. Not wanting to draw attention to themselves, they told Cordelia to continue down the road a little until they'd hidden the car from sight, and then they walked back up the sidewalk until they stood just out of sight.

"How are we supposed to get in?" Cordelia demanded. "I mean, these cops are hardly going to just let us waltz right in."

Xander rubbed his hands together, steeling his resolve. "We can try to sneak in. If we just don't make a lot of noise and keep to the shadows, we can sneak in through the window," he said, pointing to the nearest window on the side of the house.

Jesse gave him a disbelieving look. "You think we're going to be able to just sneak up to it like a Scooby Doo cartoon?"

"Have you got any better ideas?"

Amy held a hand up. "I say we go for it," she said. "Just… be very careful and don't draw any attention to yourselves. Like, say, falling down."

"We don't fall down that much," Willow pouted.

"Thank you," Xander said, giving the others a smug look. "Follow my lead."

He tiptoed into the open and onto the property line. The police talking out front didn't seem to notice them. Jesse glanced back at Amy, wondering if she had truly gone crazy, but he caught sight of her holding up her hand in an odd position, waving her fingers around intrinsically while she watched the two officers out front. Curiously, their heads both lolled simultaneously, as if they both struggled to stay awake.

They made it across the yard and to the window on the house without any trouble. Xander dug around in the grass, looking for something, until he found an old crowbar in the shrubs. He almost swung it into the glass, but Willow managed to stop him. "No!" she hissed. "They'll hear!"

"But we need to get in!" he hissed back.

Amy slipped past them and pressed against the window. A moment later, it popped free and slid quietly up. She smiled and stepped aside to let the others enter.

Sheepish, Xander proceeded to climb through the window. Willow and Cordelia followed quickly after. Jesse tilted his head at Amy, who looked back innocently. "You're just full of surprises, aren't you?" he whispered. Her expression didn't change, but she did wink before climbing through the window. He smiled a little as he followed her, shutting it behind him.

It wasn't terribly dark, what with it only being dusk and all, but Cordelia and Willow held out their flashlights anyway, sweeping the floor and walls, looking for clues. Willow looked over the paperwork they had on Ted.

"I'll take the back," Cordelia murmured.

"Check for cookies," Xander ordered. Everyone gave him a look. "For evidence!"

Willow looked through her papers. "So far I've counted four marriage certificates."

Jesse took her flashlight and shined it on the papers for her. "Any divorce papers?" he asked.

"Not a one." Then, she noticed something on one of the certificates. "Whoa, whoa, 1957! Ted musta married young! Like pre-school young."

Amy frowned, also looking at the certificate. "So either we're dealing with a Child Bride situation…"

"Or there's more to Ted than just not being human," Jesse finished.

Cordelia returned from the back. "Nothing interesting back here. Doesn't look like anybody's worked here, let alone lived here."

Xander eyed the general untidiness. "Something's missing here. This doesn't seem like Ted at all."

"Yeah, and this rug? It doesn't go with the rest of the decor."

They all looked at her, and then they followed her flashlight's beam to the new-looking Oriental rug that even a couple of tacky geeks like Xander and Jesse could tell looked extremely out of place in this room. Together, the two boys pulled the rug aside, and underneath, they found a trap door.

Opening it, they came down into a basement via some concrete steps. They found inside a time capsule - a perfect kitschy 50's home set up inside a concrete bunker. It even had windows that looked out onto the concrete walls. Totally spotless, and totally creepy.

Hearing music, Jesse wandered over to a record player on an end table. As one innocuous 50's Jackie and Roy type album finished and another dropped down on top of it and started playing it. Nifty, he thought to himself.

"Feels just like home," Cordelia remarked, "if it's the 50's and you're a psycho."

Amy found a chest of drawers and pulled it open. She found several dusty old rolled up sheets of paper. Pulling one out, she shook the thin layer of dust off and carefully unrolled it. It turned out to be an old sheet of blueprint, but it was covered in schematics around a single drawing of a… man? "Hey, Will?"

"Yeah?" Willow asked, coming over.

"You're science-y, right? What do you make of this?"

Squinting in the dim light, Willow looked the blueprint up and down. "Oh wow," she said, taking it from Amy. "This is… These are blueprints for… how to make a robot!"

"Like, a real robot?" asked Cordelia.

"I would think so," said Jesse, coming over from the workbench. They turned to look, and they saw him holding wires in one hand and a circuit board in the other. "Ted's got a hobby."

But Willow went back to the drawers and started digging some more. "I think it's more than that, guys," she said urgently. She found more blueprints rolled up and started unrolling them, finding similar drawings.

Xander, meanwhile, noticed a closet door behind another chest of drawers. Suspicious, he moved it aside and opened the door, peered at the contents for almost an entire second, then quickly slammed it and turned around, walking past them. "Okay, we're done. Let's go."

"But we're still looking for stuff," objected Cordelia.

"I've seen enough."

Jesse noticed his friend's shell shocked expression. "What was in there?"

"His first four wives."

Buffy passed into the kitchen for a glass of water when the telephone rang. Joyce jumped a little at the sound, but she calmed herself and answered. "Summers' residence." She paused, then closed her eyes in relief. "Oh, Jesse. Hello. She's right here." She held out the phone. "It's for you."

Buffy took the phone while Joyce moved off to the living room to put the mail away. "Jess? What's up?"

"Hey," she heard her friend's voice on the other end. "Just talk to me like everything's normal and don't freak out, but we kinda broke into Ted's house."

Eyes widening, Buffy turned to check that her mother wasn't listening. "What the hell are you doing?!" she hissed.

"Trying to find out what the hell he is," Jesse replied. "And we've got an answer."

Buffy sighed heavily. "Okay, fine," she said in a hushed tone. "Just tell me what he is so Giles and I get the books out and figure out how to kill him."

For a second, Jesse didn't answer, but when he did, it didn't make her feel any better. "I don't think Giles has anything like this in his books."

"What does that mean?"

"Buff – Ted is a robot."

"He's… a what?"

"We found the blueprints and the circuit boards. Also – four rotting wives in a closet. We're still trying to figure out the details, but – "

The line went dead, and Buffy only heard a dull dial tone in her ear. Feeling numb, she put the phone back on the wall and tried to absorb the information while also wondering what happened to her friends. If they were right, and Ted truly was a robot, what could she do to stop him? He'd already been able to take her blows in a fight, and he could jump from a two story house. How do you kill a robot? It wasn't even alive. And had he gotten to her friends?

Snapping out of her daze, she focused her thoughts. She picked the phone up again and tried calling another number, but nothing happened. The call had been disconnected on her end, not theirs. Her friends were safe – it was her mom she should be concerned about.

She ran to the living room and skidded to a halt to find her mother unharmed and carrying a laundry basket. "What did Jesse want?" she asked amiably.

"Oh… just checking up on us," Buffy half-lied.

Joyce smiled. "Well, he's a nice boy," she said, moving to take the laundry to the machine in the basement. "If nothing else, I'm glad you've made good friends since we moved here."

"Yeah, they're great," Buffy replied, glancing over her shoulder at the door and windows before following her mom upstairs. She went straight into her bedroom and made for her window. She intended to simply stick her head out and scan the area for any signs of the mechanical menace – but when she went to open it, she nearly stabbed her own fingers with nails. It was nailed shut.

"I don't believe you're allowed out after dark, missy," a familiar voice said.

Buffy practically jumped and spun around. Ted stood in the corner of her room by the door. "Okay…," she said slowly, "what the hell are you after? What do you want with my mom?"

Ted glared at her. "To make her happy. That's all I always want. To give her the happy life she deserves. And for some reason, you won't let me do that."

"Yeah, I'm funny like that." He began to approach, and she immediately kicked him in the gut and followed up with a left to the jaw. Ted flinched, but didn't back off. She punched him twice in the stomach and again in the face, but it didn't even faze him. He grabbed her by the throat and backed her into and over her desk, pinning her against the wall.

"Okay," Buffy wheezed out, fumbling with her hand for a weapon while he tightened his grip. "So you're definitely a robot. That makes me feel so much better about this." She looked over at her nightstand and reached for her nail file. She grabbed it and stabbed Ted in the left forearm with it. He yanked his arm away from her, slicing it open on the file as he jerked back. Buffy collapsed to the floor.

"That wasn't playing fair, missy!" he growled. He grabbed his left wrist with his right hand and looked down at the wound – torn wires and sparks and smoke coming from it. "You're gonna find…" His head jerked to the right when some short circuits resulted from the cut. "Hell of a day! Makes you feel like you're eighteen again!" His head jerked back. "… that I don't like being disobeyed!"

But Buffy, knowing even just a little something about electricity, scanned the room and spotted a pair of scissors on her desk. Acting quickly, she did a quick roll across the floor just as he swung his foot out to kick her in the jaw, causing him to go off-balance as he missed the target, and in one swift movement, she snatched up a discarded t-shirt and whipped it at his face to distract him just long enough to get the scissors.

"Buffy…," he began sharply, discarding the shirt, "I don't stand for this kind of – " She embedded the scissors firmly in his neck. " … malarkey!" he finished, looking genuinely startled. She jumped back as his wounded neck sparked and smoked, and while his body remained frozen, his eyes darted this way and that. "Need a little more gravy on that?! Cast iron skillet – no room for compromise! Straighten you out, little missy!" His arms jerked in odd movements, the wound on his arm sparking as well.

With Ted giving no signs his spastic movements would cease anytime soon, Buffy grabbed the heaviest thing she could find – a ten pound weight from her training supplies – and whacked him across the face with it, sending him flying back and landing hard against the wall.

As he sat back up, she saw enough of his face ripped away to reveal the robot beneath. He stood, Buffy taking a moment to register the creepiness of his new face.

Sparking badly, moving like a zombie, his voice now sounded low and mechanical. "Buffy…," he began as she raised the weight again. "How about a nice game or Parcheesi?"

She responded with the weight, putting it through his face.

A few days later, Joyce and Buffy sat out on the front porch, shelling peas and generally enjoying each others' company. "You want to rent a movie tonight?" Joyce asked.

"That'd be fun," Buffy smiled, just glad that after all this time, the house finally felt like their space again.

"Just nothing with horror in it. Or romance. Or men."

"Sounds like we're 'Themla and Louise-ing' it again."

"Good call." They shelled in silence for a few more seconds before she set her hands down, a bubble of anxiety releasing. "I still think he's gonna jump out at me. Especially after what the police found in his house, it's too horrible…"

Buffy looked at her reassuringly. When her friends got out of Ted's house, they'd made sure to leave the rug hiding his workshop entrance visible, and the police had found it and the bodies. Still, they'd eventually found his car abandoned somewhere on the edge of town – he'd probably ditched it there and walked back to throw the police off his trail. "He's not coming back, Mom."

Joyce nodded distantly. "I wish I could be so sure."

Buffy understood. She wished she could've told her mother everything – that Ted was a robot, that he had been destroyed, and that her friends had surreptitiously helped her dispose of the remains after she'd hidden him in her closet. "Trust me. He's on the scrap heap… of life," she finished lamely.

Buffy walked dazedly down the hall, still kind of amazed at everything that had transpired over the past week. Xander rattled off everything they had found out – more for his own benefit than anything – as they approached the library.

"So I'm Ted the sickly loser, I'm dying and my wife dumps me. I build a better Ted. He brings her back. She dies in his little love bunker and so he keeps bringing her back over and over. That's creepy on a level I hardly knew existed."

"Love makes you do the 'crazy'," sighed Jesse. "Of course, the crazy makes you do the 'creepy'. It's a fine line."

"And the sad thing is," Willow added sadly, "the real Ted must have been a genius. There were design features in that robot that predate – "

"Willow," Buffy interrupted sternly. "Tell me you didn't keep any parts."

The other girl looked incredibly sheepish. "Not any big ones…"

"Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good!"

"I just wanna learn stuff!"

Cordelia made a face. "Like how to build your own serial killer?"

"Well, it's hard to rent one nowadays," Xander pointed out reasonably.

"Can't we just drop the subject?"

Buffy huffed. "Absolutely. The whole incident is just something I plan to forget. I want to pick up right where we left off – " She opened the library door and abruptly stopped. She stared at something inside for about half a second before shutting it again and grumpily walking down the hall. "That's it. I give up. Do I have to sound an air horn every time I enter a room?" she complained. "I mean, what is it with grown ups these days?"

The others grinned as they all took a peek and saw what set her off – Giles and Jenny, standing in the middle of the library. Necking.