Anger coiled through her like a snake, disgust contorted her face, and jealousy burned in her eyes. Just the sight of them together made her want to burn the world down. Seeing his hands onherchild was enough to make her shatter the glass tumbler in her hand and send its smokey amber contents all over her old oak desk. It had seen many a frustrated spill in its lifetime.
Her biddies hissed vengefully behind her but it was a distant white noise that didn't break into her thoughts. Her piercing gaze was locked steadfastly on the little family outside in the field in front of her office.
The woman with fair skin, eyes of melted chocolate, feisty red hair tamed back in braids, with a smile that could win the heart of anyone who gazed upon it, held her child closely. The infant girl with a small mop of that same fiery red atop her head and gleaming bright blue eyes giggled up at her, blissfully unaware that her life could have been so very different. And then there was him. Tanned skin, an angled jaw, and combed chestnut hair, but those beady little eyes and thin smile made her skin crawl. He was laughing at something said by the redhead, but his gaze was on the baby.
The look in her eye was capable of killing, she knew she was powerful enough. She could do it from where she stood. It was tempting. She'd probably get away with it too. A menacing smile slid across her lips just considering it.
Of no conscious will of her own the sky darkened before her eyes. Thunder clashed in the distance, startling the couple. The baby flailed and squirmed in the redhead's arms. The boy swept the child into his arms and helped the redhead off the ground in a hurry to get out before the impending rain. Just as quickly as he had taken the child, the woman took her back. He took her hand instead and attempted to walk away. The woman did not let him though. Instead, those chocolatey eyes turned up toward the building, peering into the office. She would see nothing but closed curtains as Sarah had whipped them shut only a moment before and returned to her desk, a fresh tumbler filled more than it should have been with amber.
Her biddy, Annalise, had taken it upon herself to clean up the mess Sarah had made. That was the third glass she'd broken this week, and she had lost count of how many times she'd brought storms over the base, but it didn't matter. She couldn't help it, the thoughts and the sights were unbearable. They tore at her insides and battered her mind.
How dare he put his hands onherchild, onherperson?!
"Because they aren't yours, General,"Another of her biddies spoke up, shattering through the echoing cavern that contained her rageful thoughts.
She didn't dignify her with a response, instead, she knocked back a large mouthful to reinforce the bandages she'd placed over the hemorrhaging wounds in her soul.
The seven older women came together and stood before her."General, it has been half a year since the birth and longer still since you turned her away, you must see it is unhealthy for you to continue on like this,"Marion spoke for the group.
"So. What?" She glared across each of their faces as they stood opposed to her. 'Feeling daring tonight, are we?' She challenged telepathically with no shortage of spite. They didn't retreat nor break their stance.
Marion glared at her with cold eyes. "So you should do your best not to forget that you gave that child up when you forced Mrs. Shelbark to uphold the agreement you forced upon her. The opportunity was presented and you turned her down. You have no rights to her and no rights to her child. You have no choice but to move on,"
She was about to set a record, two glasses broken in one night. It strained and cracked in her . amount of amber could wash the disgust away at hearing those goddess-forsaken words. They assaulted her and the resulting anger only coiled itself tighter inside her.
Approximately 1 year and 3 months ago...
"Sign here, here, and here," The Imperratrix stated sharply behind her. Sarah had already signed everywhere, she knew the document well. She was bound to it and once per generation she was called upon to uphold her agreement. She did so with little difficulty. It cost her almost nothing, just a sliver of time; her scientists working in conjunction with the imperative were able to do the rest.
"I'm sorry, this can't be right, the child is forbidden from knowing he or she is related to you?" The timid voice of the selected cosigner broke through the office, somewhere between confused, shocked, and maybe even offended.
"That is correct," The Imperatrix confirmed with no margin for discussion, not one word. Her cosigner found more words though, and without a doubt, it would not go over well with the older witch.
"But…how is that fair? Surely you would be in his or her life, at least somewhat?!" Shrill and most definitely offended, but Sarah didn't turn around.
She knew the imperatrix would take care of this, there was probably no reason for her to even be here. "Keep reading, young lady," Right on cue.
"'The child is not to have any direct contact with the General unless in a professional setting directly related to any future service in the armed forces,' That is insane, you cannot possibly want that," The girl scoffed and pushed the papers away from her.
"How dare...this is the highest honor! You should be grateful to serve your country in such a way, without question!" The woman huffed bitterly. "General, I recommend you don't go through with this. This one clearly doesn't have what it takes,"
Something about the statement irked her and prodded her to turn around, but she remained still, eyes focused on the blackened night that shrouded the field below. "That's enough. I will not allow you to disrespect her in such a way,"
"Perhaps you did not hear my recommendation to find another suitable candidate," The imperatrix was always stubborn and it was true suffering to endure her presence for even insignificant amounts of time. At this point, they had been at this for an hour and she was truly insufferable.
"You are mistaken, sheisthe one. There is no other in her generation that better fits the requirements. But, as we are not in agreement, you may take your leave,"
Her imagination ran wild with all of the flabbergasted expressions the imperatrix could be making. The woman never seemed to learn. Sarah did not like her, and it gave her great pleasure to remove the other woman from her office every time.
"I shouldn't need to remind you that your contribution is not an option, if not her due to her lack of agreement, then…,"
The haughty woman was swiftly interrupted. "You misunderstand. I was referring to the lack of agreement between you and I. She is the candidate. That much I know. But please, you may go," She turned around now with excruciating intention to her movements. Her eyes caught a shred of a glimpse at the girl who sat with eyes glued to the documents on the desk, before finding the imperatrix's disgruntled face.
With a cross of her arms and a shift of her weight, the other woman sneered. "Excuse me, but you need a witness for these signatures to be valid,"
"I am well aware, but as I said, you may go. I can handle it from here," Sarah was losing her patience, but she willed herself to remain calm, especially in front of the cadet.
That was the final word on it. Angered footsteps thudded gruffly against the carpet of her office until the thuds turned to clicks as the woman entered the hallway and slammed the old wooden door shut behind her.
Now she and the Cadet were alone. Her biddies had been dismissed for the night when the sun was still in the sky.
There was not a moment this evening she could recall where their eyes had met, and now the girl still did not look up, even as she sat down beside her.
"Craven," She needed the girl to look at her. It was always a difficult subject to discuss, even with a witch she knew well, but she knew Tally on an intimate level and that fact was making it infinitely more difficult. They had shared a mind for a good amount of time. Tally had been willing to make certain sacrifices for her before, but she realized this was potentially asking for more than the girl would be willing to give.
At first thought, it would seem to pale in comparison to the act of surrendering one's life, but in reality, this was a far greater sacrifice. In her mind and in her heart, there was no other witch she would rather have from this generation to carry out this task. No other witch was as capable. She trusted her with this more than she had ever trusted any other that came before.
"Tally, look at me," The redhead did not move, her eyes not even scanning the pages anymore. "We can talk through this. I recognize you must have questions and there is quite a bit of information to digest,"
"Why?" Her voice trembled quietly.
She would not dare assume what the cadet was asking her, there was too much at stake to allow a miscommunication. "Why what, Tally?"
Tally's soft chocolate eyes were narrowed in confusion. Their child would be lucky to have those eyes, Sarah thought. "Why me?"
"Because you are of good lineage, you possess incredibly rare work, and beyond that, I personally know you have the heart for it. There is no one I would rather choose," She tried to convey just how much she wanted Tally to be the one for this.
"But I don't understand. You say you know me, but I know you too. I don't believe that you wouldn't want to be involved," Tally's voice was sharp and adamant with rightful confidence. Tally wasn't entirely wrong, but it had to be this way no matter how she herself felt about it.
"I'm afraid you are mistaken in this case. I raised a few children over the years and it just isn't for me," She shrugged nonchalantly.
"What about Anacostia?" Tally was fast with the redirection.
There was always something about the way Tally defied her. Something about the way she couldn't let things go like she could sniff out the slightest hint of obscured truth as if she could see right through her. "Yes well, Anacostia was a special case and she was not a product of this specific agreement I have with the Imperative,"
"So the children born from this 'agreement' you have, are lesser in your eyes than others?" Tally could never help pushing all of the buttons.
Reflexively she clenched her jaw. She shouldn't have been surprised to see Tally noticed with a furrow of her eyebrows. "No. Not lesser, I didn't say that. Do not put words in my mouth, Craven," And she slipped back into formalities, which would undoubtedly also not go unnoticed.
"I struck a nerve, did I,General?" Apparently, her timidness only moments ago was due to being overwhelmed. She had found it odd for Tally to behave with such reservations, given their history. She had only known Tally to be bold and somewhat unforgiving in her willingness to pry information out of her. This was more like the Tally she knew. "I am not. You, yourself, said Anacostia was a special case that youwantedto be involved in, thereby insinuating any'product'of your agreement with the imperative is less than and does not deserve your involvement,"
"Deserve my involvement," She repeated to herself, bitterly reminiscing several of her key failures. "You are correct. The children do notdeservemy involvement. Let's finish this another time. Tomorrow afternoon, sixteen hundred hours, here. Please come with a decision in mind,"
"But - "
"Goodnight, Cadet," She only had so much patience, and on top of the imperatrix, Tally's ability to see right through her years of practiced emotional defenses was exhausting.
Tally thankfully responded respectfully. She rose from her chair with a nod. "Yes, ma'am, may I take this to review?" The papers ruffled in her hands.
"You may,"
"Thank you," Sarah didn't watch her leave, but just before the thud of the door closing, she heard the girl's soft voice "Goodnight, General Alder," Hearing her title tugged at something deep inside her.
She did not want it to be like this. It shouldn't be like this. Desperately she wanted to tear the contract up, be rid of it, take Tally as her partner, and still carry out her agreement with the Imperative.
It couldn't be that way though. It was better this way. The last time she got involved in her blood child's life, her daughter turned out to be a murderous villain who killed civilians for sport. The differences with Anacostia were that they weren't related by blood, Anacostia was older when she took on a parenting role, and she had made her boundaries very clear from the beginning. It was a militaristic approach. An approach she hadn't taken with her previous daughter that had clearly pushed her down that dark path. It was an approach she knew she wouldn't have the self-control to take with Tally and any child or children they shared. So Tally was right, the children didn't deserve her involvement because she knew they would be better off without it.
The contract had been amended after that child grew up to be a killer. It wasn't enough that her own self-loathing told her it was her fault and she failed her daughter, but the Imperative came to the same conclusion somehow, and it was they who determined she wouldn't have any contact. She could have fought harder, after all, she had raised many successful witches over her lifetime, but one or two rejected the standard way of their lives and suddenly she wasn't fit.
She had several decades to come to terms with it. The Imperative had allowed her to skip a generation and excused her from the previous one as she elected to raise Anacostia instead. There was no exception this time.
"Here, I've signed it," Tally said immediately as she stepped into the office, not giving Sarah even a chance to greet her. Stiff-armed, she held out the bundle of papers, not moving further than she needed in order to close the door behind her.
Taking the bundle, Sarah looked between the papers in her hand and the distant brown eyes. She had never felt further from Tally than she did right then. "Did you have any further questions? Last night you seemed -"
A shake of her head tussled her red hair slightly and it caught the late afternoon sun like flames in the breeze. "No, ma'am,"
"Well, sit then, Tally, please," She motioned to a chair by the cold fireplace.
"I would prefer not to, ma'am," Her words were strained, forced in her breath. Sarah wished she had been present when she made this decision. "I am doing this as a personal favor because of our intertwined history, but you need to understand that the terms you have set for this task are not met easily and…I need your help. Starting now,"
"Of course, whatever you ask, within reason," Sarah was quick with the reassurance. Perhaps a little too quick.
"The vast majority of the requirements pertain to after the birth of the child and their subsequent upbringing…"
"That is correct. I, obviously, will not have any difficulty keeping my distance and allowing you to raise the child in whatever way you see fit,"
"I don't doubt it," Sarah could hear the bite in Tally's words. "But, that is not my concern. My concern is with now. I need you to treat me like everyone else. Respectfully, do not call me by my first name, do not ask me to sit so casually in your office like we are familiar, and do not act like you have seen the inside of my soul and I yours. This contract represents the end of any and all contact between us that is not strictly of a professional nature. Do you understand?"
That stung, more than she anticipated, but what could she say? She was still the General, any action on her part was forbidden and then there was the agreement she had to fulfill with the terms banning her own involvement. She nodded forcefully. "I understand, Ta-Craven, and that does not affect my choice for you to carry out this task."
"Fine. Schedule the procedure,"
The procedure went without a hitch, painless as always for them both.
"I'm sure our daughter will be -" A slip of the tongue that did not go unnoticed by the cadet as they left the necro facility.
"No assurances please, General, but allow me to remind you that she will not be our daughter, she will be mine…and whoever chooses to stand at my side to raise her, which by the sound of it, will be Mr. Shelbark, or at least that's what the Imperatrix has told me,"
Sarah gritted her teeth. "-It doesn't have to be him, you can choose whomever you like, she only offers suggestions,"
"I cannot choose whomever I like," Tally took a deep breath. "But that doesn't matter. He will be a good father, probably, who knows? I barely know him,"
"Goddess protect you both," Sarah grumbled under her breath.
"What did you say?" Tally looked over at her, but Sarah did not turn to meet her eyes.
"Nothing at all, Cadet. I simply hope you are right,"
"Even if I'm wrong, you'll never hear of it," Tally stopped walking and finally she met her serious gaze that matched her tone well. "Here is where we part ways,"
She looked at Tally intently, focusing on the light in her eyes and the way her red hair framed her face so delicately. "Of course, thank you for doing this, Tally, you will be a great mother,"
Tally gave a short nod and flashed a slight smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Goodbye, General,"
There was no description fitting for the emptiness that settled deep into her. A heavy, all-encompassing feeling that threatened to drown her in its darkness as it spread out through every part of her.
She didn't cry, she didn't yell, but she drank. She drank with reckless abandon. Her soul felt fractured. Hours ago she had dismissed her biddies with a wave of her hand. Their attempts to be comforting only served to provoke her emotions until she was positively beside herself with this insatiable grief and frustration. It wasn't their fault, they tried to help, but there was nothing they could do; nothing anyone could do.