Two kids. He is now the father of two kids. Whoa! The feeling overwhelms him. It's amazing but a little scary, too. He constantly worries about the welfare of his first-born. And now, there are two human beings who depend on him, who may get hurt in this world.
Colin jerks awake later that morning after a crazy dream. A dream in which he ate a basket full of kumquats before driving to Hand Puppets General Hospital of Mayfair where he himself handwrote the name of his son on his birth certificate in slow-motion: Aloysius (or Adolphus? God, his handwriting really is awful, even in a dream) Snuffleupagus Bridgerton. In hindsight, he's still wondering how the heck his mind remembered the full name of that Sesame Street character that his daughter can laugh about for hours on end whenever she stays at her grandmother Portia Featherington's house – who only lets her watch children's shows on TV that she knows from her own childhood and that were made by "real humans" because she hates modern productions that were made by awfully impersonal Japanese computers.
When Colin is finally aware of the fact that it was only a dream, his eyes have adjusted to the soft morning light that's streaming in through the window in Penelope's private room of the maternity ward. They're both lying together in the hospital bed with Elliot in a soft, thin sleeping bag placed between them. Penelope is still sleeping, her body turned to face the baby, her hand holding him close to her chest. She seems to have dozed off again at some point in the middle of the night after nursing Elliot back to sleep, confident with her nursing abilities that she had perfected during the long and harrowing nights at times in which Charlotte had gone through growth spurts. She looks completely at ease.
A deep sigh leaves Colin's lung. Nope, there is no way his son resembles a hairy, ear-less elephant. Before anything else, his ears are kind of cute just by their sheer tininess. They're barely even bigger than the pad of his thumb. His nose? Just the perfect length and the perfect shape. And a mop of wispy dark brown hairs on his scalp that he feels inclined to touch over and over again.
He marvels at the softness of a newborn's hair and skin… He breathes in his smell… oh, that sweet newborn smell… Colin can't get enough of it and he knows Penelope feels the exact same way. She will smother Elliot with kisses as soon as she wakes from her well-deserved post-birth sleep.
Colin lies absolutely still and lets his eyes rest on the serene image of his bedfellows. Again, his mind wanders. How come it wasn't possible for Penelope's father and mother to bond with her the same way when she was born? Why did they have to make her childhood so harrowing, criticizing her every move?
It wasn't before Penelope's father died that her mother started to make amends, started spreading more love amongst her by then grown children.
He doesn't want to dwell on that thought all over again like he had in the first days after Charlotte had been born. There are more fun things to look forward to. Like showing his first-born her new baby brother who she has been looking forward to meeting for so long. Finally, she will get to experience his reaction first-hand to her singing him a lullaby every night for as long as he'd still been inside of Penelope's belly.
He lets his gaze travel to the clock on the wall across the room. 6:03 am. Even though he couldn't possibly have slept for more than two hours, he quietly slips from the bed, stretching his muscles.
Opposite from him, Penelope opens her eyes and greets him with a smile. "Good morning! Are you leaving?"
"Morning!" Colin leans over the sleeping infant to kiss Penelope's full lips. "Hmmm," he mumbles to her lips, "you look lovely."
"Liar!" she yells out a little louder than intended, looking down at her ill-kempt appearance with small blotches of dried breastmilk gracing her hospital gown.
"Hush or you'll wake him up. Just go back to sleep. I've got some errands to run," he whispers and kisses her again. "I'll be back later with Charlie."
Penelope bites her lower lip with excitement. "I can't wait for her to meet him."
"Yes, but until then, you should get some sleep." Grabbing his phone and his car keys from a chair nearby, he sees that Penelope is trying to sit up, her gaze resting on Elliot. "Seriously! Sleep while you can, baby!"
"Okay, okay," Penelope fends. "He's just so beautiful. I can't stop looking at him."
"I know. Because he looks just like me," Colin says with a mischievous smile, walking to the door and opening it before turning around once more. "Close your eyes! I'll tell the nurse to leave you two alone for another hour or two."
On his way out, he stops by the hospital's gift shop to purchase a couple of helium-filled balloons and a bunch of roses before storing his acquisitions in the trunk of his car and driving off into the ongoing sunrise.
oOOo
The air is crisp on this morning in early September, the pastel colors of the sky signifying the sun was on its rise. Another beautiful late summer day in London is bound to begin. What a wonderful day to be born into this world, Colin thinks as he drives around town to do some necessary shopping.
A busy schedule at his first attempt at a paying job as an intern for a newspaper, Penelope on bedrest at home and Charlotte going through her third round of strep throat that year that she probably caught in a toddler play group, prevented Colin from obtaining the bare essentials for the baby like an infant car seat or even diapers. If there is one thing they never needed to buy, it's clothes. With two older brothers and a younger sister who all already have children, it's easy to pass on clothes in any size from one kid to another.
Now that he got everything they needed from a nearby store, Colin stands leaning against the side of his car in an empty parking lot in a different part of London, the phone in his hands, longing to have a quick, calming smoke when as a matter of fact he quit the nasty habit after it happened. But then he sees the angelic faces of his wife and his daughter before his inner eye, and finds the mental strength to breathe away that disturbing longing.
The light breeze roughs up his hair as time and again he looks up at the gate before him, hesitating to go in, finding yet another person in his list of contacts that he wants to tell the news about Elliot's birth.
When he's finally finished sending text messages or voice memos to his loved ones he tosses the phone in the driver's seat and rounds the car to open the trunk. He grabs a few things and steps away from the car. Upon reaching the gate, he stops and takes a deep breath, contemplating to cop out and leave. But then he begins to move, making his way through the Brompton cemetery with determination. Eventually, he finds his destination… and in a matter of seconds, his heart is in pieces again, making it difficult for him to fill his lungs with air.
It wasn't meant to be… He wasn't meant to live…
Colin quickly arranges two white roses in a stained crystal vase before adding water from a watering can that someone else left behind on an earlier visit.
He would be one year old by now...
Tommy, Thomas Anthony Bridgerton, their first son whose physical development simply stopped merely ten weeks into the pregnancy.
Just like that.
Colin slowly lets his fingers trace the slightly moss-covered engraving that spells out his name. He hasn't visited the marble headstone of his late son in a long time, never wanting to go there alone and always finding it hard to ask Penelope to join him when she keeps telling him that she hasn't found the strength at all yet to come mourn by his grave ever since his untimely passing.
After the miscarriage, Penelope – feeling guilty and inconsolable – fled from their Soho apartment, straight into the cozy nest of Colin's family's country house in Kent. Blaming their hectic lives and trying to find a new purpose with real jobs in London for their misfortune, she convinced Colin to pack up their belongings and move in with Violet for a while to have her help take care of Charlotte while they were in mourning.
They ended up staying for a whole year until Colin's mother decided to give up her Mayfair mansion to move to Aubrey Hall permanently, offering the place to Colin and his own little family when it was time for them to stand on their own feet again.
Colin holds a moment of silence before tying the string of a silver "big brother" balloon around the vase and hurrying back to his car.
oOOo
"Daddy! Daddy!" A wild mane of curly ginger hair comes swooshing down the stairs, revealing a delicate face with flushed cheeks as the little girl reaches the ground floor. She runs barefoot all the way across the room and straight into Colin's arms who barely has time to close the door behind him.
"Hey, Sweetie! Are you wearing daddy's favorite t-shirt as a nightie again?" Colin bends down to pick Charlotte up, placing a sloppy kiss on her cheek that the girl immediately wipes off with her hand.
"Stop it, daddy! You're wet," the 4-year-old whines, though instantly switching back to a happy mood, asking, "Did you bring my new brother?"
Portia Featherington comes walking down the stairs now, too, looking tired and apologetic. "Sorry, she barely slept last night and was up at five thirty asking if the baby's here yet, I couldn't keep it in any longer."
Colin sees the giddy expression on his daughter's face and finds it hard to disappoint her because he came all alone. He tries to distract her with a series of soft kisses on her forehead. "Your little brother is still with mommy. But he's no longer in her tummy. He was born early this morning, baby," he explains to her while walking over to the living room where he sits down on the couch with Charlotte ensconcing herself in his lap.
"I'm not a baby anymore," Charlotte says indignantly. "Baby brother's your baby now."
"Oh, I'm so sorry," Colin quickly counters, "You're absolutely right. You're daddy's big girl now. Tell me, were you good for Grandma Portia?"
Charlotte looks down at her hands before putting the index finger to her mouth, trying to think very hard. "I didn't brush my teeth last night," she eventually admits, prompting Colin to nod his understanding as he remembers the hustle and bustle of the previous day at home when Penelope called from the doctor's office and instructed him to pack Charlotte's travel bag and take her to her grandmother's house.
"It's okay," Colin smiles, a tinge of conspiracy reflecting on his face. "I won't tell mommy if you won't."
"I won't," Charlotte whispers back, pretending to lock her lips and throw away the key.
"Alright. So, do you want to see a picture of your new brother?"
"Yeah yeah yeah," the girl hollers, her eyes widening with giddy anticipation.
Colin quickly swipes through his camera roll before finding the best shot of his son to show to her. He took it a few hours earlier, after Penelope had dressed Elliot in the lime colored onesie that Charlotte had picked out for him.
"Baby!" Charlotte points her finger at the screen, smiling broadly.
"Yeah, that's your little brother. Isn't he cute?" Colin lets her hold the phone, and the toddler adeptly manages to zoom in on the image on the screen.
"He's cute! Can I see him? When can I see him?" she squeals. "Can I see mommy now?"
"Yes, we can come and visit any time. But we should let mommy rest for a little while longer. She's still very tired, you know."
"Stupid delivery man!" she says, rolling her eyes.
"Excuse me?"
"Uncle Gregory said that the delivery man only brings babies at night because he makes more money at night."
"Oh, did he?" Colin snickers. "Tell Uncle Gregory he should stick with reading Alice in Wonderland to you next time he babysits, okay?"
"Okay," the toddler agrees, but it isn't long before her forehead creases again. "Do babies come in boxes?"
"Alright, that is my cue." Before the conversation can get out of hand, he sets her down to stand up from the couch. "Let's go home and pick up some stuff that mommy needs at the hospital."
"Tell Penelope I'll stop by during my lunch break!" Portia says as she returns from the kitchen, carrying Charlotte's overnight baggage. "Let me know if there's anything I can do for you. And feel free to bring Lottie over if you need another night with just the two of you and… What did you say his name was?" Portia asks, lowering her voice.
"Uh-uh, no. Nice try," Colin parries. "We'll tell you when you see him in person."
"It's nothing weird, is it? Lottie mentioned you might leave the decision up to her and I know about all the names she has shortlisted." Mrs. Featherington grins, handing him Charlotte's favorite stuffed animal, a pink unicorn.
"You can rest assured. It's not Elmo, but very close!" Colin winks at her and gave her a hug. "I'll see you later."
"Bye, Lottie!" Portia walks them to the door and gives her granddaughter a kiss on the cheek.
"Bye, Grandma!" Charlotte grabs her stuffed unicorn and starts hopping along the driveway, shouting, "Let's go see Snuffy. Or Grover? Or maybe Kermit? I can't decide, Daddy." She stops, noticing that Colin isn't there by her side yet, and turns around. "Daddy, are you coming?"
Colin hurries to catch up with his bubbly daughter, hoping the joy over having a little sibling will last her entire life.
oOOo
Half an hour later, Colin has checked almost everything off his list and he and Charlotte sit in their new SUV, driving through the streets of London that are busy as always, even on a Saturday morning with most people still on the verge of waking.
However, Charlotte Bridgerton is wide awake, filling the car with high-pitched screams whenever she sees mothers or fathers pushing strollers along the sidewalks. She's sharing her joy over the fact that soon, it will be her and her parents maneuvering their own baby through town on their way to their favorite breakfast place to go get the adults their first coffee of the morning, a tall, triple-caf, four-sugar drug – or The Defibrillator as Colin named it – needed to survive the day after another one of those gruesome nights with a child that is either teething or running a fever or simply finding night time with daddy more interesting than sleep. Sleep is terribly overrated anyway…
Charlotte keeps tapping on the side window with her little finger, pointing at what Colin finds an interesting assortment of people who are up at this time of day on the weekend and who all keep showing that one common denominator: a stroller with a highly-alert child in the front and a steaming beverage in a cup holder mounted to the handlebar.
His morning coffee runs have become a little sparser lately with a toddler finally managing to get through the night with uninterrupted sleep. But he's well aware of the fact that very soon, he will line up every day again with the rest of the zombie parents at 6:30 in the morning in order to get his fix that would help them handle their daily tasks without falling asleep over a game of Jenga – like he once actually had. It had earned him a temper tantrum from his three-year old who saw her careful construction collapse if he kept holding on to that wooden piece in the bottom row any longer.
"Look, daddy! That woman has two babies!" Charlotte yells rom her car seat in the back. "We only got one baby brother. Why does she get to have two?"
Colin scoffs as he catches a glimpse of the woman who's slowly pushing a twin-stroller past the corner of Bruton Street and Berkeley Square, feeling twice the empathy for her. "We only ordered one baby because we already have you," he explains while smiling into the rear mirror where his daughter can make eye contact with him.
"Can I order a sister? I need a sister because I don't have a sister yet," the toddler keeps looking firmly at him.
"Listen, sweetie! Let's talk about ordering a sister for you once your brother is a little bigger, alright?" Colin shirks from her gaze, hoping Charlotte will settle with his answer even though he and Penelope have never even discussed having more than two children before. It had been a struggle for them with all of their three pregnancies, each taking a heavy toll on Penelope's body. She had to endure morning sickness, heartburn for months on end, premature labors and several hospital stays to help keep the contractions at bay. And now with Elliot finally being born, Colin isn't sure whether they should ever push their luck and try for a fourth time.
"Why do you think you need a sister?" he asks with curiosity, keeping the conversation going while taking on the unnerving task of finding a parking space somewhere close to the cafe.
"Because I want to braid her hair. Boys never have long hair. They're no good for making ponytails," she tells him earnestly.
Colin chuckles at her answer while scrambling to fit his SUV into the narrow gap between two shiny sports cars right around the corner of the coffee shop. Then he turns in his seat to look at her. "Well, that's not entirely true. Did you know that your dad once had long hair when he met your mommy?"
The little girl gasps at this new piece of information. "Longer than mommy's hair?"
"Oh no, no, no! Just about shoulder length," he tells her, reminiscing about old times when he, for a very brief time in his life, wanted to grow out his hair during year twelve in school. "Your mommy had really, really long hair. That would have looked plain awkward if mine had been even longer," he snickers at the image that's quickly appearing in his head, and soon enough, he hears Charlotte's innocent laugh chime in, knowing that her mind is about to paint its own picture of her mother and father back in the day.
"But I did have a ponytail once my hair was long enough to hold a hair tie," he quickly assures her before he turns off the engine and gets out of the driver's seat. From the corner of his eye he sees Charlotte's mouth agape.
"Daddy was a girl?" she looks at him, flabbergasted, as he approaches her side of the car.
"No, he was not a girl. He just didn't want to go to the hairdresser to have his hair cut properly. So, he just… let it grow." Colin opens the door and unbuckles her from the car seat.
"Did you have curls like mommy, too?" she continues her interrogation.
"Oh, god forbid! No!" Colin laughs, shrugging off her question. "Okay, Miss Charlotte… Let's go get some breakfast. What do you want?" Colin locks the car and takes her by the hand.
"I want ice cream," the little girl determines.
"How about a cream cheese bagel and juice? My treat!" he intervenes.
"Okay, but I want to ride on your shoulder!" she settles for the deal.
"Alright, hop on!" He places her on his shoulders where she immediately starts playing with his – now short, thick – hair. He lets her do as she likes. There's no way she could possibly mess anything up in that department after he didn't even have a chance to take a shower that morning. Plus, Penelope prefers his hair messy and disheveled anyways.
The father-daughter duo strolls to the coffee shop and enters it with well-practiced routine. "Duck," Colin says upon stepping over the threshold, prompting his little passenger to press her head down on his so that they both fit through the doorway. "Look, it's Maddie's shift this morning. Say hi to her!"
"Hi, Maddie!" Charlotte does as instructed, gaining a wide smile from the barista-in-charge.
"Hi, Colin! Hi, Charlotte! How are you today?" Maddie looks up at her young customer expectantly. She knows the coffee shop's regulars by heart and is always trying to sneak in a small conversation no matter how long people are queueing up in front of the counter.
"Guess what! I got a brother today," Charlotte tells her with pride.
"No way! Congratulations!" Maddie hollers and grins at her. Then she reachsd for a chocolate chip cookie inside a large glass jar and hands it to Charlotte. "Here you go. One cookie for the big sister. What's his name?"
"Snuffleupagus," Charlotte mumbles upon taking her first bite of her precious treat.
Maddie looks taken aback, unable to decipher the gibberish that came out of the little girl's mouth as she munches away at her cookie. So, she searches for Colin's gaze to help her out.
But Colin doesn't even think of doing so and just nods, leaving the mystery of the unusual moniker unsolved. He wants to introduce Charlotte to her sibling first and have him and Penelope tell her his real name together. He winks at the barista and proceeds to fumble around with the pockets of his jacket in order to retrieve his wallet.
Maddie's smile turns vague as she gets the notion that there will be no further clarification from him. Seeing the line behind them grow longer, she returns to her business and asks for their order. ''The usual?"
"For me, yes! It was a long night," Colin explains, dragging out the word 'long' for emphasis.
"Alright, a tall, triple-caf, four-sugar, no milk, no cream coffee," she mumbles to herself as she types the order into the cash register.
"You know what, make that five sugars. I need the extra kick today," he smiles at her before adding, "And an apple juice, three cream cheese bagels and herbal tea for my wife, please!"
He pays with his credit card, adding a generous tip for the barista.
"Thank you. Enjoy your breakfast!" Maddie says before retreating to the coffee maker to fulfill his order.
"Daddy, where's mommy's cookie? We should bring mommy a cookie, too." Charlotte suggests while languidly playing with Colin's ears.
"You know, I think that's an excellent idea, sweetie! She needs a really big treat for delivering a baby today." Colin turns back around to re-approach Maddie. She seems to have heard their conversation as she's already grabbing a cookie from the jar and puts it in a paper bag. When he pulls out his wallet, she signals her refusal. "Oh no, keep it. It's on the house today. Congratulations on… Snuffle… um… Hufflepuff again!" she says and puts on a big smile. "I love Harry Potter!"
Colin hesitates before he takes the cookie, trying hard to suppress his laughter. Then he thanks her and gets in line at pick up. "Bye, Maddie!" Charlotte waves down at her from her spot on his shoulders, but Maddie is already deep in conversation with the next customer.
Back at the car, Colin straps the toddler into her seat, handing her the paper bag with Penelope's cookie in it. Then, he gets in the driver's seat and pulls out of the parking space.
Together, they continue their drive to the hospital, and Colin picks up their conversation from where they left it earlier, preparing his daughter for what she's about to experience personally soon. "You know, your new brother is forty-eight centimeters in length."
"Is he bigger than me?" Charlotte asks with chocolate smeared all over her face.
Laughing, Colin clarifies, "No, no, no! He's not taller than you."
"Then how big is he? Like this?" She holds up her thumb and index finger as wide as she can.
"Well, he's a little bigger than that. More like your baby doll, Lulu."
Charlotte seems unfazed by this, unable to respond at the moment with a mouth full of dough. When speaking is no longer a problem, she digs deeper. "But can he talk? Lulu can say 'Momma'. And 'No'."
"Then she's fully covered, huh?" Colin keeps watching her in the rearview mirror, amused. "Your brother cannot speak yet, and it'll be another while until he can. Until then, maybe you and Lulu can help me figure out what he needs when he's crying?"
"Sure, daddy. But Lulu says she's not going to change his nappies."
"Oh, you know what? That's alright. That ain't my favorite part about babies either. And we may have to come up with a good plan to bribe mommy into doing that for us, you know." Colin winks at her in the rearview mirror, making her giggle in response.
The SUV turns right onto the hospital's access road. "We're almost there. Do you see that gray building way in the back?" Colin asks her while pointing his finger at a four-story glass edifice seen through the windshield that is quickly drawing closer as they follow the winding street. "That's where mommy delivered a healthy baby brother for you."
She falls silent for a while, focusing on finishing her cookie and licking chocolate from her fingers. "Why did mommy deliver the baby?" she asks as they pull into the hospital's parking lot a few moments later. "Uncle Gregory said you order babies at the mall and then the delivery man brings them to the hospital so they can see a doctor and then the mommies come and pick them up."
Colin almost chokes on a sip of hot coffee, bringing the car to a standstill. "He told you what?"
"Daddy, didn't you listen?" she scolds him.
"No, I heard what you said. I'm just amazed by Uncle Gregory's abilities to recite from what he's read in his biology books, that's all," he jokes.
Charlotte leans forward to pick up her cup and noisily guzzles apple juice through a paper straw. "Uncle Gregory is very smart, isn't he?" she asks in between slurps.
"Oh, yeah," Colin secretly rolls his eyes and grabs his coffee. Gulping greedily, he lets the caffeine fill his veins, waiting for its effects to kick in.
He would have to have a serious talk with his little brother.
And with Charlotte soon enough, too, he fears.
~ to be continued ~