I never really understood kisses. Even as I was developing into an adolescent, sexual desire was a strange thing for me. Sometimes, I'd experience no attraction at all. Othertimes it would be there, but wrapped so much in my other Need that I couldn't seperate it. Any fantasies I had of an erotic nature was tinged by violence and blood.

I wasn't a normal, healthy teenage boy.

Kisses were even more odd. Sex was understandable, if less than dignified. I could even imagine situations where it might be appealing (While choking her, while cutting her thigh perilously close to her femoral artery, putting a knife to his throat as you ride him from behind.) but kissing? Putting your lips together with another person? It seemed pointless and unsanitary. I didn't know what romance was but I didn't see any romance in that.

So the few encounters I had with kissing girls in high school didn't go well. I never knew what I was doing. How and when I should kiss and for how long. And apparently it was frowned on for asking. Normal people expected you to be a mind reader.

"Dex, why don't you have a girlfriend?" Deb asked one day. Mom and Dad had a date night. Deb was actually home for once, so we ordered pizza and did a mystery-horror back-to-back. It had been a while. It felt...nostalgic.

"Deb..." I said. I didn't want to talk about my social isolation. It felt a depressing conversation on a great night.

"No. Seriously. Why? I mean you are a total dork, but dorks get girls all the time. Ryan Munsen got a girlfriend and you are easily twice as cool as him." Deb said.

"Really? You think that?" It came as a surprise to me. We hadn't been as close as we grew older. I assumed she thought I was lame. She still

"I'm with you on a Friday night aren't I? It's not for my fucking health." Deb said. She seemed almost...shy about it.

"Aw. You do love me."

"Shut the fuck up dickhead. It's your favorite part." Deb said, gesturing to the tv.

It was the part of the movie where the killer slit a woman's throat. It was shot a bit artistically; the blood spray and the music and how it was filmed all tapped the right buttons for me.

Uh oh. Deb shouldn't know about that.

"My favorite scene?" I repeated dumbly. I actually gulped.

"Yes dumbass, your favorite scene." Deb said. No point in denying it now. It might make me more suspicious.

"I never told you that. How did you know?" I said.

"The way you talked about it when you were younger. You got all excited and talked about the special effects and shit. Nerd crap." Deb said.

I furrowed my brow. I first watched this movie when I was 13 and she was 10 like 5 years ago. Did I tell my sister about this? Why did she remember?

"When did I talk to you about this?" I asked.

"You know when I snuck into your room one night. I had a nightmare." Deb said. She sounded insecure again.

"And I talked to you about a horror movie?" Even to me, even then at age 18, I felt like that was a true social blunder.

"Yep. You had just got done watching it apparently. You had to sneak to watch it so Mom and Dad wouldn't bust you. You seemed really excited." Deb sounded kinda happy. She should be freaaked out at her demonic brother for sharing a horror movie with her when she needed comfort. Instead...it seemed like a beloved childhood memory.

"I'm sorry. I probably wasn't...the best person to talk to after a nightmare." I said, gravely.

"Are you kidding? It was totally calming. You were fearless and talking about something you were super into. You even treated your kid sister like a person. It was the best I could've asked for." Deb said. She took a sip of her orange soda.

I could remember that night now. It was blurry, dreamlike, but still somehow vivid. If Deb hadn't reported it to me, I'd assume it was a dream.

"Nice try dork but you can't escape the point. Wny no girlfriends? Are you gay? Cause I know a lot of people are assholes and we do have a cop dad but I'd totally be cool about it if you were." Deb said.

"...No. Not exactly it's just...I dunno I can't quite progress past the kissing phase."

"Fuck, you really suck that hard?" Deb said.

"Yep. Part of my dorkiness, social retardation, whatever you want to call it." I said.

"Well, that's just fucked Dex. You've got to get better." Deb said.

"How am I supposed to do that?" I asked.

"Practice." Deb said.

"Yeah, with who?" I said. A long pause.

"...Me?" Deb said in a small voice. How Deb could feel emotions so strongly and still be so consistently brave impressed me.

"...You?" I asked.

"Why not? I mean, you're my brother so it's not like anything more could happen from it."

"...I suppose not." Her reasoning was impeccable.

"But Deb we are family. I'm your older brother. I shouldn't be kissing you. I'm supposed to protect you." I said.

"Yeah from other people maybe. I don't need protection from you." Deb said. I wasn't so sure about that.

"If it makes it better you can pretend I'm someone else. Cmon I want to help you." She said.

"...Ok." I said. I couldn't come up with an argument against it. And if I was going to kiss anyone...Deb felt safe.

"Ok?"

"Ok. Let's do it. Just a little, though." I said. I didn't know why I had let her talk me into this. Deb had a lot of strange pull over me.

We turned to face each other on the couch. I felt awkward. Nervous. Tense. What was this?

She leaned over and kissed me. I suddenly felt quite warm. It was weird. But not at all unpleasant. Deb just...kept going for a while and I let it happen.

Soon, I was kissing her back. It felt...natural. And really good. Tingly and warm. Eventually, she drew back and I felt...deprived. Like I was cut off from a vital need like oxygen. I wanted more. What or how or why with my sister were well beyond my feeble comprehension skills. What desires I had outside of bloodlust, as limited as they were, were always foggy, unexplored territory. Like the depths of the ocean or the vast untamed wilderness behind the walls that separated Dexter the mask from Dexter the monster.

"Dex. The fuck?" Deb said. I couldn't gauge her emotions. It didn't seem to make her upset exactly.

"I'm sorry." I had long learned that when in doubt, it was best to just apologise. And if I did hurt her in anyway I did want to apologize.

"No. It's ok. But...I think you'll be fine kissing girls Dex." Deb said. She was all blushy and smiley. I liked her like that. Why did I feel so warm all of a sudden?

"Really?" I said.

"Yeah. Really. You are...not bad." Deb said.

"Huh." I said, blinking.

"I'm gonna get a refill on popcorn, and another orange soda. You want anything else?" Deb said.

"...Sure another coke please." I said.

She left for the kitchen. All I could think was: Maybe this whole kissing thing wasn't as bad as I thought.