A/n two chapters in one day cause we where on a roll hope you all enjoy

Chapter Four:

Lupin's office was an odd combination of extremely packed and strangely spartan. The oval office was all but buried in books that had long since fallen into disrepair many of which had pages poking out at odd angles or missing their spines entirely, but there was an almost clinical lack of attachment to it all. There were no personal touches, no photographs of friends or family, no mementos of personal triumphs of any kind. I knew the why of it of course, but it was still disturbing to see. As I drank from my third cup of hot chocolate - which had an extra ingredient I was almost certain was a calming potion of some kind - I wondered why the man had been sorted into Gryffindor so long ago, I counted more than thirty books on his shelves and none of them sounded like books for a beginner.

"It seems I owe you an apology." the man said as he eased himself into his office almost timidly, as if I were the one who belonged here and he the uninvited guest.

"Sir?" I asked bewilderedly

"For all the weight our fears carry, many of them run quite shallow. It pains me to realise yours is something altogether far darker. I am truly sorry for making you face such a terrible thing." he responded gravely as he took a seat not in his own chair on the other side of the desk but in the one beside me as if I were an equal. His posture was hunched, and he held his head lower still to look me in the eye to show his sincerity. Lupin's eyes where different now, a warm brown rather than the vivid yellow I'd saw before.

"Hardly your fault, but thanks, I guess." I murmured uncomfortably as I turned my eyes back to the almost empty pool of hot chocolate.

"May I ask, what it was that you saw?" he probed after a moment's pause.

A bolt of panic flashed through me before I felt invisible hands wrestle it down as the mysterious potion did its work and I fell into an unnaturally serene calmness. I considered what exactly I could tell him, the exact details of how I came to be here where between me the Headmaster and whatever or whomever dropped me here and even then, we didn't have all the answers. I decided the truth, or at least a half truth was better than evasion.

"It was my father, he had schizophrenia. It burned through him so fast but slow too. It was nothing for a long while, but then it was everything. Every minute of every day. I... I think I'm afraid it'll happen to me one day just like that." I admitted, tactfully omitting that it wasn't my father at all he had seen.

Lupin watched me with almost laser precision for a moment, eyes tracing every minute detail even though I wasn't looking him in the face. If his kindly expression had wavered for a moment, I'd have been terrified at having the focus of a wolf like that.

"I know little of muggle illnesses, but...I once had a friend. A very long time ago, when I was around your age who too worried about his family's dispositions. He came from a family well known for their madness you see, and feared it would consume him as it did them. He sought to fill his life with as much joy as he possibly could while he was at Hogwarts. I like to think it helped." Lupin said with a distant tone that was a touch too bitter to be nostalgia "Rest assured, those with Magic almost never contract the illnesses that plague the non-magical. I have the utmost confidence you will continue to be in good health."

"Could it be cured? If I did happen to...go that way. Could magic cure me?" I asked hesitantly

"Honestly I'm not sure, magic opens many doorways and closes many others. Not everything that exists has cure, but there are often ways to manage the darker moments. Potions for instance, has taken great leaps to help... well, those with afflictions." he trailed off grimly, as if worried he might have said too much "Perhaps you should speak with our school Matron Madame Pomfrey, she'll likely have much more information than I. But, should you ever wish to talk about this, my door will always be open. You have my word on that."

I looked the raggedy man in the eye as he spoke and knew he was drawing from his own experiences as a werewolf, and I suspected Sirius Black as well, and felt a strange kinship with the man. I knew this man to have been born in nineteen sixty making him thirty-three and younger than I had been before I got dropped into fiction, but he seemed so much older than I remembered being. The thinning hair, the drooping skin, the stiffness of his joints, the almost pained grimace he tried to hide behind a kindly smile and the marks poking out on his neck I was almost certain were claw marks from his own hands.

If nothing else the man certainly knew what it was to be afraid of something inside yourself.

"Thank you, Professor, sincerely. I might take you up on that. And thank you again for the drink." I said quietly, now it was my turn to meet his eyes and show my sincere appreciation. I hadn't given much thought to what I would do in this universe long term short of punching Voldemort right in his non-nose, but maybe I could be the man to cure the werewolf curse.

He more than deserved it.

As much as I tried to dislodge the thought a part of me wondered if this was all in my own head. Was this truly just a schizophrenic attack, admittedly the worst I'd ever had? Would I wake up one day soon in my life back then or inside a rubber room? My mind cruelly whispered that was increasingly more likely, but there was something even my demons couldn't argue against. Every time the dark called too loudly, I cast a Lumos spell, now silently, and bathed in the light. The feeling of magic was something my mind couldn't have conjured if this wasn't reality, it would be like a creature without eyes trying to describe a beautiful sunset.

The Ravenclaw common room had many features worth mentioning, but it was the fireplace that drew me in at that moment. Centred in a vast circular room it was surrounded by comfy chairs and a plush white loveseat, little tables arranged around them filled with bowls of fruit and nuts and unlit candles. I had claimed one of the chairs and propped my feet close enough to the flames I could feel the heat through my boots and cradled my wand between my hands tracing every invisible line beneath my forefinger as it to brand it into my memory and purge the thoughts.

This had to be real. And if it wasn't, I'd rather dream.

"So, that was all very dramatic. Nothing like heart stopping terror to get you in the mood for a new academic year, right?" came a familiar voice a moment before Anthony lowered himself onto the couch beside me eyes wandering over my face in concern. The look on his face was so sincere I couldn't help but take them at face value.

"It's a family thing" I admitted carefully. He nodded as if agreeing, but I knew he didn't really understand it. Even in my own world few enough people really understood mental illnesses, to a boy who grew up with magic it would be about as foreign as an alien lifeform. Instead, he showed why he was in the house of the brainy and switched the topic entirely.

"You surprised us all in runes class, didn't take you for the type to get top marks. Rowena would be proud. Do they study runes early in Ilvermony?" he asked brightly in a happy go lucky way I was almost sure he was affecting just to cheer me up, but it was working.

"No, I just have a knack for it, I guess. Don't worry you'll be loads better than me in other subjects. I'm rubbish with potions." I offered with a half grin

"Yeah, well count yourself lucky, my dad will kill me if I don't get at least an E in runes, he was a prodigy back in his day. Almost got himself a job here at Hogwarts for it before they got him into the Ministry." he snorted with a prompt roll of his eyes "I take more after mum; she was handy with Transfiguration. I'm the only one in our year who can turn a teapot into a tortoise and back and still make tea with it. Not supposed to learn that until later this year." he bragged happily, and I hadn't the heart to tell him I hated tea. And tortoises for that matter.

"Sounds brilliant." I lied as I wondered what the point of that was exactly "Maybe we could do something like a study group, share what we're strong at and get help where we need it?"

"A bunch of us try doing that every term, but we all get so focused on our own studies we tend to break off and it just falls apart. Too independent, or whatever." he replied with a roll of his eyes to cover a sheepish expression that made me think he was the first one to jump ship from such groups.

"Maybe we need more than ravens ready to fly to coup, get some of the other houses involved. That Hermione seemed the clever sort." I prompted curiously as I wondered if I could potentially begin the D.A. a few years earlier than canon.

"Granger might be agreeable, if she can be pulled away from getting her friends out of whatever trouble they've gotten themselves into. Just don't go inviting everyone from runes class, pretty sure that Greengrass is part basilisk, she'd kill you dead just by looking at you like an idiot." Anthony chuckled quietly, and even I couldn't repress the snort at his joke.

"No, she didn't seem friendly from where I was sitting. Well then, the lioness, you and me makes three. See if we can't get a few others together, help out with other subjects. God knows we're all going to be feeling the pressure this year." I agreed amicably, noting the way he quirked his eyebrow as I spoke. It took me a moment to replay the sentence and remembered wizards said 'Merlin' in the place of God.

That was going to be a nightmare to unlearn.

Maybe I could obliviate myself?

Actually, no. I knew what happened to Lockheart.

"Sounds like a plan, we should be able to get a group together at least once or twice before the Hogsmeade trip I'd think." he nodded absently as he rubbed his chin in a way that made me yearn for my own facial hair again. I considered his idea for a moment only to freeze as I remembered you needed an adult's permission to go, and while Dumbledore knew I was a grown man in body I most certainly was not.

"Yeah, I need to talk to someone about that."

They say Heaven was a place on Earth.

Looking at the Hogwarts Library I was inclined to agree. Nothing remotely did it justice. Three floors of floor to ceiling bookshelves across a room wide enough to house a football pitch made this the single greatest collection of knowledge I'd ever seen with my own eyes. Books floated across the room flapping their pages like wings to settle themselves onto shelves, notes folded into paper airplanes zoomed across the silent room all under the watchful eye of Madam Pince who I'd have bet money was a distant relative of Medusa for how frightening her glare was.

Her shrew like expression snapped to me the moment I stepped inside and seemed to open her mouth to reprimand me only to deflate at the sight of the raven upon my chest. As if that alone was enough proof that I would never treat her beloved books with anything less than reverence she deigned me to pass unhindered.

Wow, I thought it was only Snape who gave such blatant favouritism to one House. No wonder the wizarding world was falling apart at the seams if this was the kind of prejudice people took as gospel.

I'd managed to write out a list of books that could help me catch up - even if it was only barely legible to my own eyes it still counted - by asking some of the older students' which books had helped them the most, sadly none of them had any advice about penmanship beyond 'get better'

House of the wise indeed.

There were more rows of books than I could count and maybe a million books held within in them, what there wasn't as far as I could discern was any way shape or form of organisation among them. My mind couldn't begin to fathom why the book 'The Greatest Failed Efforts of Dragon Hatching by Duncans Small and Tall' was placed beside 'A Slovenly Soliloquy on Several Serpents by Sebastian Swallow the Second' where placed beside one another.

So determined was I to understand this utterly baffling system I rounded a corner and promptly collided with someone hard enough the pair of us went sprawling. Madam Pince wasted no time in shushing us.

"Wow, that actually happens in real life" I murmured dazedly as I rubbed my aching head. Across from me my eyes landed on the crumbled form of a young woman with a bushy mane of hair, and felt myself groan internally.

What an introduction to the brightest witch of her age.

"I'm so sorry, I was...it doesn't matter. Are you alright?" I asked hurriedly as I scrambled to my feet and offered her a hand, which she waved away and pulled herself up under her own steam.

"That makes two of us, I was so sure I'd seen a book about the cross-variance effect on the Eihwaz rune around here somewhere I, I guess I forgot to look ahead." she admitted with a bashful smile which I mirrored easily. She wasn't the beauty her film actress was, but there was a loveliness to her all the same, a sort of fierce sincerity to her.

"I'm Hermione Granger." she offered holding out her hand

"I know." I replied, and then had to resist the urge to slap myself for saying that. "I mean, we have Ancient Runes together. That's why. No other reason. I was actually hoping to talk to you."

Why was I blushing like a tomato? What the hell?

I hated being a teenager the first time. Looks like the second wouldn't be much better.

"You have?" she asked in surprise, politely avoiding mentioning or perhaps honestly oblivious to the stumbling bumbling way my mouth seemed determined to speak.

"Yes, erm, yes. Thing is, I heard you're the smartest witch in the whole school and well, I'm a tad behind on a few subjects. Or, all of them really. I'm trying to put together a study group, help me catch up. Help the others too, if they need it. Maybe you'd like to help tutor? If you have the time of course." I managed to get out and wondered if I'd actually been this hopeless the first time around or if I'd just killed the part of the brain that held the memories over the years.

Hermione smiled almost giddily as if at some inside joke before replying "Oh I'm sure I'll find the time. What subjects where you thinking? Any in particular?" she offered happily.

"Oh, all of them I suppose. Ilvermony's education was a bit, lacklustre I suppose, at least for the first two years." I lied through my teeth, but then maybe I wasn't I had no idea what the school was like.

"Really? I'd read they were magnificent, in fact I'd read that the MACUSA credited its unprecedented recovery after Grindelwald's war to the quality and calibre of its new generation and Ilvermony's high standards." she recited matter of factly, and I wondered if those weren't the exact words from the textbook.

"Maybe, maybe I just wasn't the best student. But I'm home now, can't get buy on my charming accent anymore so it's time to buckle down and study. I'd appreciate any help you could give." I said in as close to honesty as I possibly could manage before stealing a glance around "It feels different here, somehow. Feels more, pardon the pun, magical. I'm not the lonely kid anymore. I feel like it's a fresh start, brave new world, brand new me."

A look of understanding and sympathy appeared across her expression, and with a lance of guilt I remembered reading about Hermione's lonely childhood and how this school had been a brand-new start for her as well, the months before the troll attack aside. And the basilisk attack too. And now there were dementors to deal with.

Why the hell did this girl stay in this school?

"I'd be happy to help, pass me a note after class whenever you all find the time and I'll be sure to be there." she agreed amicably, oblivious to my internal bewilderment. I pulled myself back together long enough to offer a sincere and thankful smile

"That means a lot, thank you. Seriously." I returned with a grin. She waved a little shyly before disappearing behind another identical stack of books. It was only after she'd gone did, I think to ask her about the missing books on my list.

My day ended with my third visit to the Headmaster's office in as many days. I wondered if that was a record as I made my way up the staircase past the Gargoyle who seemed utterly grumpy to have been given the password. I'd decided I needed to talk to him about my affinity for runes as well as the Hogsmeade situation sooner or later, so here I was. Unfortunately, the downside of not having an appointment was that others might well have, as seemed to be the case when I approached the inner door. I could hear voices debating among themselves, and this time it wasn't the portraits.

"Headmaster, there have been reported sightings less than a hundred miles from here. He's clearly heading this way." came a slow, drawling voice I knew almost immediately had to belong to Snape. For as much as some where subtly different to their book counterparts, Snape was the only one who could have walked off set and been Alan Rickman, the resemblance was uncanny. I hadn't had a class with the man yet, but from what I heard the man's antagonism towards Gryffindor's didn't extent to my own house, but neither did the favouritism he showed his own snakes.

"Even if that were the case, Hogwarts cannot be so simply breached by a single wizard. To say nothing of the dementors circling the grounds." the Headmaster replied simply.

"Azkaban may have robbed him of what wits he could claim, but not his arrogance. He will find his way to this castle and may yet find a way to infiltrate. Particularly if he has help." Snape's biting retort came back swiftly

"No soul within this castle would extend a hand in friendship to the man who has done what he has done. I assure you of that. Now, if you've nothing more to say we must reconvene later. It appears I have a guest." came the genial reply, and a beat later the door opened unveiling me standing there like a cheap prize on a game show.

How the hell did he know I was there?

"Mister O'Connor, this is Professor Snape your new potions master, I don't believe you've had the pleasure of an introduction" Dumbledore offered, standing from behind his desk as he gestured from one to the other.

"I understand you'll be joining us from Ilvermony? I expect great things from any student who studied under Professor Stark, the man is a mind few can rival. I'll be sure to write to him and offer my praises for your talents; or my displeasure. Good day Headmaster." the man offered after staring at me with a critical eye, before leaving with a bow.

Why did I feel like I'd just gotten a death threat?

"I wouldn't worry overmuch, Professor Snape tends to have that affect upon students. A brilliant mind such as his has difficulty accepting lesser intellects, I'm afraid." Dumbledore said in a comforting voice in what had to be the worst excuse I'd ever heard. But figuring telling my new Headmaster that my Professor was every foul thing under the sun wouldn't get me very far, I pushed the thoughts out of my head.

"Come, sit. Tell me how you're finding Hogwarts. I trust she exceeds all expectations?" he asked with a wide smile behind his ancient beard. I found it impossible not to smile back, for all the adult and cynic in me knew he had his flaws the man was charismatic and genuinely seemed to care.

"Turns out, whatever dropped me here gave me a little bonus care package." I admitted as I fell into what was fast on its way to being permanently labelled my chair in this office. I told him the story of my experience in the Ancient Runes class and he listened with rapt attention, even when my eyes wandered to the slumbering form of Fawkes his focus was upon me with almost absolute precision.

"Any idea what it all means?" I asked once I was all done.

"I haven't the foggiest." he admitted, smiling that smile he wore so well "But I'm quite certain its purpose will make itself clear in time. Life has a way of finding the path beyond our feet."

I nodded in agreement despite the fact that he'd really told me nothing whatsoever. But I sensed an opportunity to shift onto the next topic.

"About Hogsmeade Headmaster, I'd like to go with the other students." I stated easily as I turned back to look him in the eyes. I noticed the exact moment his twinkling blue eyes no longer sparkled.

"It's customary for a parent or a guardian to sign a permission slip before we allow students to travel to Hogsmeade. Given your circumstances, I'm sure you see why that isn't possible." he said after a small pause, his words weighted and carefully chosen.

"I'm an adult Dumbledore. I've learned to shave, paid my taxes, battled despair and been hustled at pool. I've broken hearts and had my heart broken, noses the same thrice over. I have drank, I have gambled, I have had relations. I am by all markers of society, a man grown." I shot back evenly as I felt a terrible anger start to boil in my blood.

"Not in this society I'm afraid, experiences in another life don't translate to wisdom in this, nor maturity. I'm afraid I must judge by what I see in this instance, and that is a thirteen-year-old boy." Dumbledore replied lightly, not so much as blinking at my little speech. I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes visibly. I stood and circled to the back of my chair, folding my arms atop it.

"Contrary to popular opinion Albus, I don't think the sun shines out of your ass. I'm going. Through the front door or another I will be going to Hogsmeade. I was asking for your help, not your permission." I stated evenly, unwilling to bend on this.

"As your Headmaster I have the right to set boundaries for my students." he retorted swiftly

"As your student I have the right to disobey them. Call it a learning experience. As a wise man once said 'If your determination to shut your eyes will carry you so far, then we have reached a parting of the ways. You must act as you see fit and I must act as I see fit.'" I quoted with a teasing smile, stepping back and offering a bow before turning on my heel and making to leave pointedly ignoring the wailing and affronted name calling from the portraits around me.

Dumbledore sat in stony silence, unmoved by my display but instead looking ponderous as he considered my words and the inflection to them. Eventually he called out before I could reach the door, running his fingers through his silvery beard.

"And who said that?" he asked curiously.

"You did. At the end of next year." I called back.