House released a deep sigh as he walked into Bennet's office. It was Saturday instead of Friday. He had to postpone his original appointment as Kutner had requested his company on Friday. His own shrink had suggested to avoid being alone on the day. House had stayed with him in the hospital and later at Kutner's apartment working the online clinic, until his adoptive parents had arrived.
It baffled him that Kutner had asked him and not one of the others. It had also forced him to change his plans. He was not babysitting Rachel today; Wilson was doing it instead. House wanted to grumble and complain. He enjoyed his time with the kid.
House took his seat at the armchair, and lifted his right leg to place it on the coffee table. It was hurting a little extra today. Bennet sat in front of him. House observed him. He looked a little extra tired today. Plugging in the fact that he was probably a single father - his ring was on his right hand and his desk had a picture of him with a not-older-than-five-year-old boy - House deduced that the kid had given him a little trouble. He wasn't annoyed so that rejected the possibility of him being sick or being busy with something critical.
"What did the kid do?" House asked.
Bennet looked at him surprised, then smiled. "He wanted to sleep with me. Kicked me really hard." House grinned. "How are you this week, Dr. House? You postponed the appointment?" House told him about Kutner. "You sound like a good mentor, Dr. House. You not only noticed your fellow needed help but also opened up to just to help him."
House looked away, not acknowledging the words. He didn't want to talk about Kutner. "Had a fight with Stacy," he told Bennet, then began to elaborate. He ended with his doubts about making Lisa feel the same way.
"Let's do a differential on it?" Bennet asked. House nodded. "Why do you think Stacy felt lonely?"
"Sometimes I just needed to be alone," he answered. "When the memories got too much. Or sometimes I was busy with the puzzles."
"Sometimes or all the times?"
"Sometimes," House answered firmly. "I was there. There were few things I refused to discuss - like dad or a kid. But I was there."
"Needing solitude or getting busy with your job is not wrong, Dr. House. The two things you mentioned - are you comfortable talking to Dr. Cuddy about it?"
House nodded. "She would probably kill if dad somehow came back," he told Bennet, a small smile on his face. He would love to watch that interaction. "She said we are raising Rachel together." She had understood. Even if he couldn't directly say that he loved the kid, she had understood.
"Do you think Dr. Cuddy would have a problem with you needing alone time or getting involved in the puzzles?" House shook his head. Both the situations had occurred in their relationship. Lisa had been fine with that. She didn't mind if he told her he wanted to stay in his apartment. In fact, she herself had asked for some alone time. She also understood how important the puzzles were. "What else?" Bennet asked.
"She is independent," House said after a thought. "She built a career, got a kid. She didn't need me for any of this. She challenges me. If I push her, she wouldn't just sit back and take it. She would push back, ask questions. She knows how to ask the right questions."
"Until now all points are in favour of her not feeling lonely," Bennet said. "Anything that you feel could be on the other side?"
House thought for a while, twirling the cane in his hand. The cane. "The leg," he answered. "When the pain is too much, I -" He couldn't deal with it. He wanted to scream. He wanted everyone to feel what he was feeling. "I don't want to hurt her."
"Have you talked to her about it?" Bennet asked. House though about the conversation they had Tuesday morning. He wondered if that counted. He still couldn't believe she wanted to touch his scar.
"I talked to her when we started this. Wanted her to know what she was getting into. When I told her about morphine."
"Did you tell her how bad it really gets? Did you prepare her for your own actions during the pain?" House shook his head, looking away.
"She feels guilty for the leg. She was my doctor."
"Do you blame her?"
He shook his head. "She did what a doctor was supposed to do." He looked at Bennet. "I don't want to hurt her."
"What do you think would hurt her more, Dr. House? This conversation or not knowing what to expect when the inevitable happens?" House looked away, silently acknowledging the point. Bennet continued on a different note. "You mentioned that Stacy cheated on you. Did you ever confront her?"
"No."
"Can you explain why?"
House looked away. "Don't you get tired of asking questions?" he retreated to his usual gruffness.
"I think I have a talent for it," Bennet replied.
House smirked at the response. This shrink wasn't an idiot at least. "She stayed. Dad had hammered the point. He made it clear that the only reason he and mom were there was because I was their son and they had no choice. She stayed. And I didn't care why. Not then. Now, maybe. But at that time her presence was enough. I did love her. And I think she loved me too. But sometimes love isn't enough, I guess."
"Do you think that the past will repeat itself with Dr. Cuddy?"
"No," House answered. She wouldn't. He trusted her on this. He had done the differential too. He looked at Bennet challengingly. Bennet backed off.
"Your father was wrong, Dr. House. And we have already established that Dr. Cuddy has proven him wrong in that respect." House smirked at that. "Relationships are all about hard work. And you are already putting the efforts. You are already having the difficult conversations. You are doing well."
House looked at him and nodded. "Friday, next week?" he asked.
"I'll see you then," Bennet answered with a smile.
House left the office, his mind full of thoughts. Trusting Lisa was easy. He knew she wouldn't hurt him like Stacy had. She was there and she planned to stay, like she had said many times. But his pain had always been personal. He knew talking about it would cause her guilt and pain. He didn't want to hurt her. What do you think would hurt her more, Dr. House? This conversation or not knowing what to expect when the inevitable happens?
He arrived at his apartment and immediately knew something was different. He looked around and found a small wooden box on his piano. He limped to it and picked it up. A small smile appeared on his face as he read the attached note. For someone who thinks outside the box, getting inside this one should be breezy. She had signed it with a kiss. He focused on the box. It was a puzzle box. He needed to solve the anagram.
acutely summerhouses typists
He looked at it for a few seconds before realizing the answer. He couldn't help but grin. It was never lupus. He quickly unscrambled the letters to read systemic lupus erythematosus. The box opened to reveal a small folded noted inside with the next clue. You are one step closer to the answer. Find your favourite book.
He was now fully into it. He excitedly limped to the bookcase and found a copy of Catch-22. There was a note in the book with numbers written on it. He limped back to the couch and tried to decipher the code. It took him a few minutes to realize that it was page number, line number and word number. He flipped through the pages, realizing that she must have read the book to find the right combination of numbers. His heart swelled with love for her.
He finally found all the words. Where we first saw the stars together. Hmm, House thought. He and Lisa plus stars. The first thought was their first date a few weeks ago. But that wasn't the first time. No. Their first time watching the stars together - actually watching them and not just doing their own thing - was in his office balcony at PPTH. The first case he had lost since he had taken the job at the hospital. He had retreated to the balcony. She had found him. No words had been exchanged. She had just been there, a warm and comforting presence.
He loved this woman. She had done all this for him. Created a whole puzzle for him. He gave his leg a pat and stood up. He would take the car, he decided. No point in putting his leg through, especially since he was sure that the final puzzle would lead him to her.
He drove to PPTH and as quickly as he could, he limped to his office. He unlocked the door and hurried to the balcony. There was a small puzzle box there too. House limped back to his office and sat at his desk, working on the box. It took about thirty minutes. He was grinning as he realized that she hadn't tried to make it easy. He opened the box to reveal a small card. Home is where the heart is. Well, this was simple. His heart - and his home - both were with her. He sat there for a few minutes, absorbing the efforts she had put in. Just for him. He meant that much to her. He pocketed the card and locked the puzzle box inside his desk drawer. It was time to go home.
As he drove to Lisa's home, he couldn't help think about how much his life had changed with her and Rachel in it. He didn't have to be alone anymore. He could just arrive at home and snuggle against her. She didn't ask questions; just held him and let him talk at his pace. Or not talk at all. She didn't mind when he stayed at the hospital for over thirty-six hours, just told him to call her if he needed her. She didn't hesitate to shut him up when he acted like a jerk. He really had found the perfect woman.
And Rachel. House didn't generally unlike kids. He was scared of being around them; afraid of turning into his father. You are not different from me, Gregory. But Rachel - that kid motivated him to change. He could not screw this because if he did, he wouldn't be able to see her and hold her, and that was not something he wanted to happen. He remembered how she would relax in his arms or follow him with her eyes. He swore to do everything he could to be the man Rachel deserved to have in her life; the man Lisa thought he was. You are the most incredible man I've ever known. You are always gonna be the most incredible man I have ever known.
House stopped on the way to pick her some flowers. It felt stupid to go to her place empty handed when she had put so much effort. Finding the puzzle boxes, reading his favourite book. She was unbelievable. All he wanted to do was hold her close and breath in her scent. He wanted to hear her talk about whatever she felt like sharing. He wanted to hear her laugh. He wanted to be the one who made her laugh. He just plain wanted her.
House arrived at her place and unlocked the door. The lights were dimmed and soft jazz played from the music system. He limped to the living room and saw a bottle of wine and two glasses waiting on the coffee table. There was also a wrapped gift. House wondered what it was but Lisa chose that moment to walk in from the kitchen with boxes of take out in her hand.
"Hey," she greeted him. She put the boxes on the coffee table and walked to him. House limped to her and pulled her in his arms, bending low to kiss her. She returned the kiss, one hand on his cheek and the other on the back of his neck. "Missed you," she mumbled, once they broke the kiss.
House wanted to tell her that he missed her too but it wasn't so easy. He had spent his life dismissing these emotions. He squeezed her instead, before asking, "You read the book?"
"Uh huh. Not my taste but I can see why you like it." He kissed her again.
"You are unbelievable," he muttered against her lips. They separated for oxygen. "Where's the kid?" House asked.
"Wilson," she replied. "I told him I had planned a special date for my musician boyfriend, who I met at the bookstore." House grinned. She could understand him on medicine. She had read his favourite book to plan a puzzle for him. And she would help him prank Wilson. He had really found the perfect woman. He handed her the flowers. She inhaled their smell and placed them in a vase.
He followed her to the couch and settled down with her nestled against him. He liked having her close; liked knowing that he had someone on his side. "You got me something?" he asked.
"It's valentine's day," she pointed out.
"I didn't -" He should have remembered that.
"It's okay, Greg. I don't really care about it. I just wanted to give you this."
She handed him the gift. House unwrapped it to find a photo frame with a picture of him with Rachel. He had no idea when she had clicked it. Rachel was asleep in his arms and he was looking at her. House examined the picture. He looked - calm. And Rachel had one hand over his heart. Is that what they looked like together, he wondered. He didn't look like the cynical bastard he was supposed to be. He looked - he didn't have words to describe it. He didn't have words to describe what he was feeling.
"I know you still have doubts," Lisa spoke. He looked at her. She was looking at him, her eyes shining with an emotion House barely recognized. "I want you to have this, Greg. A definitive proof." He looked at her and then back at the photograph. He put it beside him on the couch, then turned to Lisa and pulled her into his arms. His leg protested - it hadn't enjoyed his pace while he was involved in the puzzles - but House hardly cared. She knew him. She knew what he needed. She didn't expect him to just accept things and move on. She anticipated that he needed time and evidence. She was willing to be patient with him.
She pulled back from the hug. "Put your leg on the table," she said. House felt annoyed. Why did his leg have to come in the middle of everything? "Greg," she whispered, her hand caressing his cheek. He leaned into her.
"Why can't I have one moment before my stupid leg has to spoil things?" he complained. This was also reminding him of the conversation he was supposed to have with him. How would she react?
"Are you saying that you think of your leg when we make love?" she said, sounding annoyingly smug. He glared at her. She grinned and handed him the boxes of food (spaghetti, House noted), before bending to lift his leg. She undid his shoes. His heart felt raw. He didn't remember anyone taking such care of him. Oh! Wilson would make him food, even support him when the pain got too much. But House had always drawn a line with him and Wilson had never crossed it. Lisa, on the other hand, was willing to cross that line and build herself a permanent residence.
Cuddy gave him a kiss on his lips before going back to the kitchen to wash her hands. When she had planned the puzzles for Greg, she had hoped he would enjoy it but she hadn't expected such an emotional response. She had seen the doubts in his eyes every time she left him alone with Rachel. She had no doubts though. He was gentle with Rachel, taking care of her as if she was precious. The photograph was meant to be a concrete evidence for his private differentials. She hoped it would help. A part of her wished he would let go of his doubts but the realistic part of her knew that it was not so easy. She wondered if he would ever be free of his doubts.
She walked back into the living room. She could smell his cologne as she nestled against him, taking a box from him. He had poured them some wine. Cuddy felt relaxed. Her own therapy session had been a little hard but sitting here with him, she felt relaxed. She was safe here with his arms wrapped around her.
"How were things with Kutner yesterday?" Cuddy asked. He hadn't told her much about it but she had figured out some.
"We looked at some case for the online clinic, until his parents arrived," he told her. "They were thankful to me."
She could hear the thought there. He really didn't understand why anyone would do that. "You noticed he needed help. You helped him," she reminded him. "Of course they were thankful." He hummed thoughtfully.
"What did you do last night?" he asked.
"I spent it with Rachel, at least until she fell asleep. I read another chapter of my book. Did some budgeting."
"Seriously?" he asked teasingly. "You couldn't leave work at the hospital?"
"I do have problem with that," she confessed. She leaned a little and whispered into Greg's ears, "Maybe you could teach me."
He looked at her, his eyes shining with mischief. "I could. But I will need to add a little tension first."
She could feel her body responding to his words. "I thought the goal was to relax."
"Eh! It's the build-up that makes the payoff worth it." His eyes hadn't left hers. His right hand was holding hers, caressing it, while his left had slipped inside her top and was caressing her back, slowly inching upwards. She had no doubt what its destination was. "Think you can handle it?" he asked, playful and challenging.
"I am always up for a challenge," she said, reaching to pull him towards her for kiss. There wasn't much talking after that.
They ended up in the bedroom at some point. Cuddy was trying to catch her breath, and she could feel Greg doing the same beside her. He was an amazing lover, Cuddy thought to herself. Not that she had doubted that. She still remembered their one night at college. It had fueled some good fantasies. She grinned, trying to imagine his reaction to that statement.
Greg turned to her and snuggled in, as well as he could with his leg. He moved her hands so that she was holding him. His breath tickled her neck. There were also few soft kisses. Cuddy felt her body relaxing. She tightened her arms around him and soon his breathing evened out. The position felt so intimate. Cuddy pressed kisses on his face and caressed his back.
She really loved him. She wondered if it was too early to imagine a future. Because she did imagine it. She imagined a place that was theirs. A space for his piano, bookshelves that had all the books they owned (and that number was large), furniture that felt like theirs. She wanted to build a home with him. She imagined coming home to him and Rachel every day. She imagined sitting in front of his piano with Rachel, listening to their own private concert. She imagined sleeping and waking in his arms every day for the rest of their life. She imagined all of it and she wanted it. She would get it, she silently promised herself and him.
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