When I woke up on Monday I felt happy. Fuck, really truely happy. For the first time since Lundy. But...more. I realized something that had been bubbling up inside of me for a while. A long fucking while probably. My love for Dexter. As more than just a brother. A-fuck it sounds cheesy as hell- but a soulmate.
So I was going to go to work. Be a fucking prodigy murder cop. Then I was going to go over to Dexter's place and suck my brothers cock.
It was so fucking messed up. But fuck it. It made me fucking soaking wet and happy so I didn't give a goddamn shit anymore.
It was really fucking freeing.
I met up with Dexter at work. He looked good. Happy. But also a bit..uncertain. Poor guy never knew how to deal with change and emotional shit. Dad probably should've had him tested.
I didn't mind it. I wished he'd be more open sometimes, but other than that I liked how he was just fine. Way more interesting, in his dull, geeky way, then most fucking people. (But there was something more underneath the surface. A side of himself I could see the faint outline of in our most intimate moments.) He did have a weird poetic side sometimes. That mostly came out during late-night chats after a few beers.
"Heya Dex."
"Hey Deb."
"How did last night go with Rita."
"Great. I think we are...out of our slump if you know what I mean." Dexter said.
"I got it. That's great Dex."
"Oh yeah, I wanted to invite you over to my place. Tonight." Dexter said. Yep. He was still a bit off. Great, was he always gonna be so fucking fidgty and weird about this.
It was new. Not so great with change and shit.
"Sounds great. I'll be there as soon as I get off of work. And Dex?"
"Yeah?"
"Remember to breathe in and out ok? It's just another fuckin day. Got it?"
"Breathe. Another fucking day. Got it." Dexter said.
And with that, he went to his lab, I went to my desk and we got on with our day.
Rita called me during Lunch.
"Rita." I said. I was kinda fuckin stunned. I wasn't expecting this.
"Debra. It's good to hear your voice. Sorry for leaving so soon yesterday. I would've said goodbye, but you looked so peaceful sleeping, I didn't have the heart to wake you."
"It's ok. I'm a cop so I'll have to rush out sometimes. Besides, you have kids. I'm glad you have your priorities straight." I said. It was flattering that she'd already call to apologise. It was considerate in a way I wasn't really used to.
Dexter could really struggle with shit like this. I was glad to have a partner who was a bit more open.
Fuck, I actually thought of her as my partner just then.
"I'm surprised you called me. Isn't Dexter priority number 1."
"Eh. I woke up next to him. Spent the night with him. You deserve my attention right now."
"Thanks." I was blushing, damn this felt nice.
"I'd give anything to be able to see your face right now."
"I'm glad you can't. I'd lose my aura of cool completely."
"That's not possible."
"Damn it. You sure you are new to dating women? You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet." I said.
"Yep. I'm just using Dexter as my inspiration. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing." Rita said.
"Well it's fuckin working."
Laughter. A few beats.
"Dexter treated you like this?"
"Sometimes. We were really casual in the beginning but...yes he can be really considerate. "
"Huh." I said. Dexter always struggled with shit like this normally. He'd gotten a little better over the years and variouus girlfriends but mostly he was pretty shit at it.
"Why?"
"Well, my brother is generally, emotionally and socially retarded. So I didn't really expect to much in the way of, ya know, little stuff like this."
"Doesn't he act considerately towards you?"
"I mean. Sometimes."
"Maybe you should talk to him about this."
"Maybe."
We spent a few minutes chit-chatting. It was nice talking to a non-cop sometimes. Rita was a breath of fresh air and a beam of sunshine compared to most people I talk to.
Then I went about my day. Somehow even happier. People told me I was grinning so much it weirded them out. I didn't fucking care. I had something to smile about again. Something to look forward to at the end of the day.
After work, I went to Dexter's Apartment. I was excited but...fuck me even I was a bit nervous. If I did talk to Dexter about this...emotional stuff, I was afraid I'd scare him away.
I was actually there before him. Which was weird. I supposed Dexter was a workaholic too, he was always so fuckin busy at his lab. Whatever. I turned on the tv and helped myself to a beer.
Nearly an hour into waiting I got fed up and ordered pizza. Enough for both of us. nearly a half an hour later, Dexter just got in.
"Fucking finally. Where were you?"
"...Sorry. A work project took... significantly longer than I had anticipated. " Dexter looked a little annoyed. I could buy it.
"Shit really? I was really looking forward to this."
"I really am sorry. I...need to make adjustments. I just...ran into some unexpected challenges and I was already committed."
"Don't be sorry. I know. We're Morgans, being workaholics is kinda our deal. I'm sure I've let you down plenty of times."
"No. Never.' Dexter said, and the speed and certainty in which he said that. It made my heart flutter and put a smile on my face.
"Still, the point is we are going to prioritize work over family sometimes. It's fine."
"I know its just...I need to learn to do that less. Be there for important nights. This was one of those nights." Dexter said.
"It kinda was." I said.
Dexter crossed the space between us and kissed me on the lips. My hurt feelings and disappointment melted off me.
"I'm sorry. It was my fault. I want to make it up to you. You ordered pizza?"
"Yeah. "
"Great. One Pizza night a week is barely enough." Dexter said and went over to help himself.
"...How exactly are you going to make it up to me?"
"Well, I figure I'll do anything you want. Peproni and Jalepeno. Good choice."
"Anything, huh?"
"Just about. "
"Good. " I said.
Dexter ate his dinner, with his typical ever ravenous gusto, and we watched a bit of tv. It felt really normal. We talked a little, about dumb stuff.
"I talked to Rita today." I said, finally.
"You did?"
"I did."
"About?"
"Normal stuff mostly. She apologized for sneaking out. Said some...interesting shit about you."
Dexter looked like a deer in headlights.
"What did she say about me?" Dexter said. He sounded nervous.
"Apparently, you are quite the romantic. Really considerate. "
"...Oh. Um...I'm a bit confused Deb."
"I wonder if I'm ever gonna get that." I said.
"Do you want that?"
"No. Maybe...a little. I just...want to be a person you are open with, that you try for. Just a little. I don't need you to change who you are I just..."
"Want more." Dexter said.
"Something like that."
"Deb, when I do stuff for Rita, it's...difficult. I have to try to figure her out, what she'd want. Try to be that. Thankfully, she generally likes, dependable, dorky Dexter. A role I am well accustomed. When she needs something else...it's an extra effort. " Dexter said. I took a drink of my beer, trying to process this.
"So...you are lazy."
"Not exactly."
"Lying then."
"I prefer acting. It's not a lie really. I just...try to emphasize certain qualities. Everyone does it I think. It's just... more difficult for me. "
"...I see."
"With you...I don't feel like I have to...perform as much. You are...a part of me, and I feel like a part of you. I feel...safe when I'm around you. Comfortable. Nobody else makes me feel quite the same way."
"What am I to you then? Like a soulmate?" I felt unstable. Tears were in my eyes. Fucking shit.
"Yes."
Silence.
"Sorry, is that too cheesy?"
"Yes it's really fucking cheesy, but...fuck I feel it too." I was crying fully now. God damn it.
"I'm sorry. I think my comfort has made me...sometimes take you for granted.I don't want to do that anymore. Please if I'm ever beinvg an inconsiderate asshole tell me. I'll do my best to be better."
"I will." I said. Dexter smiled.
"I know you will. Before now, I thought I was...protecting you, protecting us by keeping a distance. Now I realize I wasn't protecting either of us. I really am an idiot aren't I?"
"Yes. But you are the only brother I'd ever want, and I love you. I don't know why the fuck you are so scared of opening up but...you don't have to be. I will always be here. Always." I said.
Something in his eyes changed, he looked...hurt, scared, and relieved, nearly all at once. Then he just hugged me.
"..You said you'd do anything I want right?"
"Yes. Of course." Dexter said.
"Then take off your fucking pants."
"Yes, Ma'am." Dexter said.
He let me go and started taking off his pants. Next thing I knew I was kneeling in front of his hard cock. I was so fucking turned on. I licked my lips. Started stroking his balls and his shaft.
It wasn't long before I was sucking his cock, his hand on the back of my neck.
"Deb." Dexter said, and he came soon after. I swallowed feeling a sense of satisfication I didn't often feel after sucking Cock, but fuck it felt good to get him off.
"Deb...that was fucking amazing."
"Of course it was. I've had plenty of practice." Deb said.
"You know, at this point, the only thing I miss about Lila-"
"Ew. Can not talk about her now."
"We aren't. I am just saying I missed being with a woman who...has that type of energy around sex. You have it in spades."
"So you're calling me a slut?"
"Not exactly."
"Nah. That's fine. I love sex. I just don't want to be compared with fucking Lila is all."
"I assure you. Your libido is the only thing you two have in common."
"Again. Gross."
"Sorry."
"Can you just shut the fuck up and eat my pussy."
"I can do that."
After a kinda shitty start, the rest of the night went exactly my fucking way.