Adopted by Darkness
Author's Note: I don't know if this is an accurate portrayal of what it would be like if Windu did train Anakin but I couldn't help going all out with the angst. :3 The ending is pretty open and I know it could use continuation but this was really the only part of the universe I envisioned.
~ Tirana Sorki
Groot is gone.
The shatterpoints around Skywalker are dark. He may only be a child but Windu can see it. He doesn't have a good feeling about the Council training him.
And yet, with the Sith out there now and with it being Qui-Gon's last promise, Windu votes to agree along with the rest of the Council.
But he still has one condition for it.
That he's the one to train Anakin.
Padawan Kenobi isn't happy about it. But this is about the future of the Order. That's more important than what his attachment to his master might make him want.
Windu knows for sure that training Skywalker is… going to be hard. The boy knows nothing of the Jedi way and there's no doubt that he'll have a hard time complying with it. It's only a question of how hard but he'll have to do his best if he wants to make sure Skywalker's training doesn't end up with him as a threat to the Jedi.
*w*
Reprogramming the droid he's supposed to be fighting to make it harder probably isn't allowed but Anakin still did it. He wants to be more challenging. He's supposed to be the Chosen One. The only thing the Jedi accepted him for was because he's this… thing that he's only half sure what it is but he knows he has to live up to what they want him for. He has to be good enough. Because somehow, inevitably, no matter what he does, he never is.
He swings his lightsaber up to fight off the droid that is now the hologram of Darth Maul, and programmed to fight as much like him as he could gather from his fleeting conversations with Obi-Wan. He keeps all his focus on the fight. He has to win.
His master – Windu – is watching.
So are other masters, as always. And he can never stop trying.
It's hard but he finally slashes the droid to pieces, stepping back, breathing hard.
He actually won. It's not as hard as fighting a Sith, obviously, but it's… something. And he has to be good enough to defeat the Sith, to defeat what was able to kill Qui-Gon. That's the only reason the Jedi accepted him in the first place.
"It doesn't matter how good he is with a lightsaber," he hears one of the other padawans whispering loudly, "When he's just a slave to his emotions."
The other snickers. "Yes, just a slave."
Three years out of slavery and it still feels like he doesn't have a clue what it means to be away.
He's supposed to be free. He is. Right? He's not a –
Anakin doesn't think it through before he spins around, lifting a hand and Force-shoving back the two padawans, ripping away their lightsabers. Their eyes go wide. "Tell me, what emotion are you feeling now?"
"Anakin," His master's voice rings out sharply, even if it's from high above, on the balcony overlooking the training room.
His head jerks up, heart flipping. His master is standing right at the railing, right next to the Chancellor.
He knew that. He just –
Maybe thought he wasn't paying attention?
He slowly goes up to the other padawans, holding out their lightsabers. "You're right," he says, no matter the shamefulness burning through him as he says it but he knows he needs to try to make this up before he gets in trouble. Though it's probably far too late for that. "I do need better control of my emotions."
Windu's coming down the stairs of the viewing deck to the training room now.
The other padawans take their lightsabers, backing away from him.
"Anakin, I need to have a word with you outside," he says, shortly.
Windu does not look happy.
Three years later and Anakin's still not sure he ever smiles but he's still gotten used to interpreting whenever he looks extra severe. Like right now.
He's definitely screwed.
He quietly shuffles after him out the door, trying to ignore the way he sees one of the other padawans smirking as he goes outside. Trying to ignore the bitterness burning in his heart though the fear over whatever lecture he's about to get this time pretty much blurs out everything else.
"How many times have I spoken to you about this behavior, padawan?" he demands, arms crossed.
"I'm sorry, Master," he mumbles, eyes on the ground. He used to expect Windu to hit him every time he messed up because he certainly had the look of someone who would and he hasn't but even years later, there's still moments a part of him expects it. Either way, this conversation isn't going to be much more pleasant.
"So you have said before and yet you still do it. You do not attack other padawans, least of all with the Force."
What about what they said to him?
But those were just words. And it shouldn't matter. Jedi don't get upset or hurt or angry. And his master is right – he is proving that he can't control himself. Again. Somehow, that's all he ever manages to do.
"They called me a slave," Anakin mumbles.
"And you're not anymore, Anakin. What they say doesn't make a difference. Perhaps a meditation session would do you some good right now."
Ugh.
He really, really doesn't want to do that right now.
Not that what he wants is relevant.
It never is. He just wants to see his mother again. He wants to feel her arms around him again. To feel what it meant for someone to actually love him. To actually be allowed to return the same. But those aren't allowed and he's not supposed to talk or think about them anymore and he has no idea how to stop.
Anakin follows Windu wordlessly.
He can't help looking up and down the halls as does, though, unable to help wishing that… he saw Obi-Wan somewhere around here. He doesn't know the Knight very well but Obi-Wan had been planning to train him before Windu insisted he was going to do it.
He can't help wondering what it would've been like if Obi-Wan had. He doesn't know. He hadn't seemed to like Anakin much at first but that seemed different after Qui-Gon was dead. He's kept offering to help him with schoolwork and other training whenever Windu is too busy.
And Anakin's repeatedly heard Windu telling him that he's acting on his attachment and he's just going to mess up Anakin's training. Anakin still doesn't understand how. It's one of the only things that ever makes him feel less lonely. None of the other padawans really talk to him and when they do, it always seems so fleeting.
All he knows is that Windu as his master isn't what he thought it would be. He doesn't want to complain. It's better than Tatooine. He's free. He is.
So he doesn't know why it still doesn't feel like it.
*w*
Meditating used to be hard for him. Sometimes, it still is. He senses so much and it's overwhelming. It also often leaves him with way too much time to think instead of the opposite. The point is that he's not supposed to be thinking. He's supposed to be calm. He knows that. It just doesn't seem that easy for him half the time.
Maybe it would be less frustrating if it didn't feel like a punishment half the time, even if he doesn't think that's what his master intends it as. Maybe.
"You're centering on your anxieties," Windu speaks up, where he's sitting across from him, "Let them go."
He's trying.
But trying this hard, especially when his master is present, often tends to make it happen even slower. But he needs to stop and –
Ugh.
He misses Mom.
The longing that floods him is overwhelming, nearly enough to bring him to tears three years later. He can never stop missing her –
"Your thoughts dwell on your mother again," his master says. "Your attachment to her constantly interferes with your ability to center yourself."
"Sorry, Master," Anakin mumbles.
But it's not something he has any idea how to just get rid of.
He tries focusing on the life of the plants around him instead, on their soft peacefulness, and… eventually he's able to find some semblance of calm.
Even if he knows it'll fade out the moment he stops and leave a crushing longing and depression and emptiness that's often so deep he has no idea how to keep ignoring.
*w*
He's supposed to be connecting with some caged animals but when he feels the anger and fear in their minds, it's hard to be able to feel one with it at all. To calm himself and reach them. Maybe it's that he's too strong in the Force to do it without risking breaking their minds entirely. He doesn't know.
But the other padawans here didn't have that hard a time with it. And they're all gone, gone to their other classes or to be with the friends they have while they have the time, while he's here alone. As always.
This is the one thing Anakin always has a hard time with and he's still standing by the cages, trying over and over to actually do it – and still failing, because sometimes it feels like that's all he ever does – when his master walks in.
"Still practicing?" Windu asks.
He nods, shoulders slumping. "I'll do it, Master. I will." He'll stay here as long as he has to.
"I'm sure you will," he replies and for cone he doesn't sound quite as stern and severe as he usually does. But he's definitely not happy about something. "But right now, there's someone who wants to see you."
Anakin blinks, looking up, confused. "Me?" Why would someone want to see him? No one ever does.
"The Chancellor has requested to see you. I don't know why." That's what has him upset. Anakin can tell by the tone.
But he's just confused. Why would the Chancellor want to see him?
*w*
It's strange to be in the Chancellor's office like this. "Ah, young Skywalker," Palpatine greets, standing, "A true pleasure indeed. Thank you for finding the time to come see me. I know how demanding your Jedi training can be."
"Of - of course, Chancellor Palpatine," Anakin responds hesitantly.
"After how late he came to the Jedi, his training is extra demanding lately," Windu says, almost pointedly.
He's really not happy to have brought Anakin here, for whatever reason.
"On that, I have no doubt," Palpatine assures, "I won't keep him long."
"Is there a mission you need us for?" Windu inquires.
"Not exactly, Master Windu. I have an errand to run, of sorts, and I thought Anakin might accompany me," Palpatine tells him.
Why him? Anakin doesn't understand.
"Anakin may be making progress in his training, Chancellor, but he is still young and has much to learn," Windu replies, "There may be other Jedi who are better suited for this task."
"There will be no danger," Palpatine interjects, "Young Skywalker is the one who saved my planet and I would like to return the favor to him. Don't worry. I'll have him back at the Temple before you know it. Safe and sound. I realize he needs to study."
His curiosity is growing about whatever this is. And it's rare someone asks to spend time with him. He kind of hopes he'll get to do it.
Windu seems to give in, finally. "As you wish, Chancellor," he says at last, turning to go.
*w*
Anakin's not expecting this mission of sorts to involve a detour to the Underworld. He's never been down here before. Never realized just how awfully people live down here and it feels like the Republic and the Jedi should be doing far more to change it.
Countless corrupt Senators go down there to make illegal deals, profiting on other people's misery, just like Tatooine. He thought the Republic would be different.
Anakin may have used the Force in a way he knows he shouldn't have to overturn the Senator's dice and make him keep losing his bets but he doesn't regret it. Hopefully, it's enough to be able to do something against him.
"That was amazing, Chancellor Palpatine," Anakin says, eagerness flooding him, "That corrupt Senator, now you'll finally be able to take him down."
"I will try, but Colandrus is only one viper among many. An open attempt to remove him from office could be dangerous for me. Truthfully, I should never have involved you in a Senate matter. It was entirely inappropriate, but I…"
"But you have the Jedi. You can order them do it for you," Anakin objects. He doesn't understand.
"Anakin, the Jedi are not mine," Palpatine responds, "They are under Senatorial authority. Having them arrest a Senator… well, it would be a serious matter. If they were required to obey my commands in such a way, it would make me no more than a dictator. That is not my wish."
"Then if you can't, and the Jedi can't, who can?" Anakin objects. That doesn't make sense. What's the point of being the leader of the Republic if he can't even do anything to keep the Republic safe?
"That, my boy, is the question that keeps me up at nights. Just, please do an old man a favor and don't mention any of this to your Jedi Masters. I am not sure they would approve."
Anakin's certain Windu wouldn't, if this is really a violation of the rules in some way. He'll have to find a way to be vague about where he was, because he's certain his master will be asking. "No, I guess they probably wouldn't," Anakin admits.
Palpatine studies him for a long moment. "Anakin, it's not my place, but can I ask you if you are happy at the Temple?"
The question makes him still entirely.
Happy? Him?
He hasn't been happy in so long, he's no longer certain what it means. He wants to be a Jedi still. He does but…
"Training to be a Jedi is all I've ever wanted," Anakin says finally.
He looks thoughtful. "But is it what you dreamed it would be?"
Anakin hesitates. He hasn't been able to talk to anyone about this in years. He wants to but there's no one and it doesn't feel appropriate to talk about it to the Chancellor of the Republic and yet no one else has ever asked him this question in years. "Not… always," Anakin admits slowly, "I'm not the same as the other Jedi. Sometimes, it's… not easy. But it's still what I want to be."
"I see," says Palpatine, "I feel that I owe you, Anakin. You performed a tremendous service to me when my home planet was under attack. I want you to know that there is always a place for you with me. Once your training is complete, of course. I could make extraordinary use of a young man like yourself."
*w*
On the way back to the Temple, Anakin's mind is whirling with questions.
There is another way he can help people without being a Jedi. Palpatine basically offered as much, and… he wants it.
He's never had a way out, had… anything else, and it feels like failing to choose this but he had the chance and he doesn't know that he can just ignore it. Besides, if he could do more than the Jedi could, then wouldn't that be better?
Maybe it's also that he can't stop thinking about how, when they were in that bar and nearly caught, Palpatine had called Anakin his son. He knows it was just for a cover. They don't even know each other. But it still meant a lot.
But his decision is not something he has any idea how to bring up to his master. He won't be pleased. At all.
Half the time it feels like he's just being an inconvenience to his master and to tell him after all that time that he's just leaving is… He doesn't know how to do this. He's scared to do this. But if he has this chance, he can't just ignore it/ His heart is still hammering anyway, as he goes to find him.
"Master, I… need to talk to you."
"What is it, Anakin?" He sees a bit distracted, probably with Council work.
He doesn't know how to say this. "It's about… my training."
That seems to get Windu's attention because he turns to look down at him.
It makes it a bit harder for Anakin to keep his tongue, though. "I've been thinking about leaving the Order," he blurts out.
There's a far too long stretch of silence.
Windu seems a bit startled. It's one of the first times he's ever looked anything but impassive or cold. "Are you well aware of what you're saying, padawan?" he asks finally. "You're been part of the Order for three year snow. You have a duty as a Jedi. You have a duty as the Chosen One. It's not a responsibility you can just walk away from. This is not a decision to be made lightly."
He's not trying to run from it. It still makes him feel unreasonably guilty for saying this. But he doesn't want to just back down from it.
He doesn't want everything to just go back to normal. Not if there's something else, anything else that he could do.
"I know I have a lot to learn still," Anakin replies, shuffling a little, He doesn't know how to say this. Not to Windu. "But I can feel the galaxy calling to me. I need to answer."
"That's what your path as a Jedi is all about," Windu responds, "With your training so incomplete, leaving it could easily lead you to the Dark Side."
The Dark Side.
It's the constant whisper that's haunted him from the moment he became a Jedi. Because he's too close to it and no one ever lets him forget it. He knows how dangerous it could be if he did, with how strong he is. He's afraid of it himself. But…
"I won't Fall, Master," he promises, gaze on the floor.
"Even so, the consequences of this decision could be serious."
He knows that. He's the one who made the decision to become a Jedi in the first place. But when Qui-Gon said it would be a hard life, Anakin had no idea this is what he meant. "But if this is really the path you want to take, that is your choice."
The disapproval in his gaze is nearly enough for Anakin to back down but he slowly unclips his lightsaber, holding it out.
Windu takes it. "I will speak to the Council about this decision. But I would suggest you spend a while reflecting on it before you make it with certainty. Once you have received training in the Force, you cannot merely walk away from it to escape your inability to find balance."
His master walks away.
Anakin watches him leave, a wild part of desperately longing for Palpatine's gentleness.
*w*
Anakin's in his room at the Temple, working on rewiring another droid that he really has no reason to be toying with since it was thrown out, when the door to his room suddenly opens.
He jumps, trying to shove it out of sight when he sees Windu in the doorway.
"Master?" he asks, uncertainly.
"You know I always tell you that this just distracts you from your training," Windu says. "And your duty as a Jedi."
He's told him that countless times.
But it's the only bit of anything he has left from Tatooine. The only bit of… fun he ever gets to have. Even if that's not something he's supposed to care about. He just doesn't know how to make himself stop caring about it. It's not like he doesn't get his work done.
"Sorry, Master," he mumbles because he doesn't know what else to say.
Even if he already talked about leaving.
"The Council has asked that we go on one more mission before you make your decision," Windu tells him.
The ride on the way there is tense. Everything feels uncomfortable even if Windu is never very talkative unless it's about the mission or another lesson.
Maybe he won't need to do his padawan training anymore but Anakin still finally pulls out his datapad, looking at where he left off in his schoolwork.
"Do you need any help?"
Anakin looks up, startled.
Windu is watching him, expression unreadable.
"…no." Not now, at least.
His master does help him sometimes. They do have lighter moments, moments where it doesn't feel like Windu's always disappointed and disapproving with him, but they always fade away so fast it hardly feels like they were there at all.
Windu leaves it at that and they don't talk the rest of the way.
They're answering some distress call on a planet that no one's come to for millennia.
And it's pretty clear why. It's nearly impossible to get through to the surface and the planet is a disaster. The entire landscape has been torn apart by war – by two groups called the Open and Closed.
"They destroyed our entire world!" shouts the Closed member, Greckor, "They brought up mists, poisoned our planet with the Celadon sea."
"He lies," snaps back Pran, a member of the Open, "The Closed started the war, generators back. We all know it. No matter what they say. The Open are the only ones preventing the planet from falling into complete chaos."
Windu turns away. "I would suggest working on a negotiation with each other before you both destroy your plan. Come, padawan."
"We're just going to leave?" Anakin objects, hesitantly, "They'll kill each other/" They already nearly did.
His gaze darts back to the blue-haired girl – Kolara – who's with Pran. She seemed nice. And he doesn't think she wants to be stuck in this but she's never known another way.
"We have to answer the distress signal. That's the mission we came for. The most we can do is hope they reconsider their actions," Windu responds.
Greckor interrupts them, pointing out that they have no way out.
"He's right," Kolara agrees quietly, "What are we supposed to do?"
"Kolara!" snaps Pran, "What are you doing? Agreeing with a Closed? You know better."
Anakin doesn't know why it reminds him so much of how Windu always is with him.
"Although… this one time, perhaps he speaks the truth," Pran concedes.
And so they offer to give them a ride.
*w*
They're on their ship together when Anakin sees a kite shaped object falling past them.
Kolara looks up, a bit eagerly, edging a little closer to take a look.
"Stay back, Kolara," Pran calls, "It's not safe."
"Yes, Mother Pran," she answers quietly, but Anakin can see the way her face dims.
It feels familiar. "What is that?" Anakin asks, keeping his voice down, "Is that one of those skygifts you all keep talking about?"
"No, Anakin," she replies, instantly, "You're a skygift. We don't make much of anything on this planet. We can't really. All of our technology either comes from what we find on the surface or we can salvage from ships that crash here. We call those skygifts. Like you"
But that doesn't answer what it is about that seemingly harmless object that the adults are so busy fussing over.
"But what was that?" Anakin emphasizes, "Why were they so worried about it?"
Kolara glances around, almost nervously. "I'll show you."
Anakin shifts so he's pointedly keeping himself between her and the adults in the room.
"Probably something like this," she explains, holding out a round disk with pointless designs on it. Maybe it's pointless but why does everything have to have a point? It feels like it should. Because he always has to work with an end goal. But… Mom told him everything he does didn't have to be.
Watto said otherwise.
So does Windu.
But…
"But that's beautiful," Anakin objects, "Why can't you have it?"
"Because they say I can't,"
He can tell how disappointed she is. And he gets that so well. "But that doesn't mean it's fair that they say that. There is more to the galaxy, to living than this fight."
"What's it like with you?" Kolara wonders, "What's being a Jedi like?"
"We help people. We go around the galaxy, settling conflicts like this one."
"That sounds… nice," she admits, eyes darting to Pran as though to make sure she didn't hear, "Do you get to have things like this?" She carefully slips away the decorated object.
Anakin hesitates. "No. Not… really. Jedi aren't actually supposed to have possession they don't need. Or do things that aren't for the greater good of all."
Kolara seems disappointed. "Then I guess it's not that different than what it's like here."
He hates how she actually has a point on some level. "We help people. We never kill unless there's no other choice," he says finally, "That's not something you should be forced to do either."
She sinks back against her seat, looking thoughtful.
Anakin wishes he knew what else to say to help her.
He wishes he could stop thinking about the number of parallels there are between her life and his own. Neither of them are truly free, are they? It's a question deep in his heart, a question that he's too afraid to confront the answer too.
*w*
The ride is taking awhile so Anakin finally pulls out his lightsaber, studying it. It was acting up a bit during battle and he needs to fix it.
Conversations from the other side of the ship filter in, as he works.
"That boy," the Open man says, "He your son?"
Anakin freezes at the jarring-ness of the question.
He just asked Windu if he's Anakin's father.
Of all things…?
"Jedi don't have children," Windu replies, "He is my padawan. An apprentice.'
Anakin could never see Windu as anything but a master.
When he tries to imagine what a father would be like, he thinks of Qui-Gon. Or maybe Obi-Wan. But he never knew either of them long enough.
Everything with Windu isn't all bad. He does take care of him. Anakin still remembers the first mission they went on where he was injured. He'd been shot and couldn't get up to keep fighting. He still remembers being so afraid that he was going to be left behind because he was useless now. But Windu had carried him back to the ship and had just seemed confused about Anakin's confusion.
But… that doesn't mean he could ever see him as a parent. Not with how distant he is.
But still, it's different to hear the flat rebuttal. And to remember how Palpatine called him his son only yesterday without hesitation.
He wants that again. Someone to… care for him. Someone like Mom.
"What are you doing?" Kolara inquires as she watches Anakin work on his lightsaber.
"Just making an adjustment. My lightsaber felt a little off the last time I used it. I'm probably the only one who'd ever notice."
"Or maybe you just like fixing things."
"Maybe."
"That's really what Jedi do, isn't it?"
Anakin nods. "The Jedi are powerful, but there aren't that many of them and the galaxy is a big place. Sometimes they can't help everywhere they should."
"Can't or won't?" she presses.
Anakin hesitates, looking up. "Sometimes, I don't know the answer to that either," he confesses.
She frowns. "You don't get to choose any of what you fight for either, do you?"
He shakes his head. "My dream has always been to free slaves but I've never gotten to do that. I don't understand why there are so many rules against it."
"Sometimes, I don't really get all the rules we're supposed to follow either," she admits.
It's nice to be able to admit that to someone. He looks down at his lightsaber again, finally finishing the last of the adjustments. "There. That should do it," he murmurs.
She looks intrigued. "You know, Anakin, if you like fixing stuff… this planet is full of broken things."
"Yeah? Like what?"
"Mother Pran, can you come here?" Kolara calls. "I want to show you something."
"What is it, Kolara?" asks Pran, coming over to them.
"Anakin knows how to fix things. Machines, old time machines. I thought maybe…" Kolara trails off.
"Ah… does he now?" Pran replies. She pulls a mechanical piece out of her robes, offering it to Anakin to fix.
Which he can, even if it's old.
It feels nice to be able to do this for a purpose, because he knows he won't get in trouble for that, at least. And he's doing it to help them.
"Anakin, this could change everything," Pran says.
"What do you mean?" Anakin asks.
"I have more. If you can fix these too, you'd be… well, you'd be our savior. You could put this entire planet back on the right path. Will you do it?"
"Of course. It's not a problem at all," he promises, "I'm happy to help."
*w*
Anakin just didn't quite expect his offer to help to end in them kidnapping him. Kolara steals his lightsaber, throwing it out the window and then Pran knocks him unconscious. He doesn't wake up again until he's tied to a poll and he can't move.
Pran leaves to deal with whoever sent out the signal, promising that she's going to come back.
And he's just left here.
He didn't mean to let himself get captured. He needs to get out of here. He needs to get this mess straightened out.
There's other children here, about Kolara's age, all debating what they're supposed to do now. They don't want Pran to kill the scavenger. But none of them think they have a choice.
"Hey," Anakin calls finally.
All heads whip towards him.
"Anakin, I'm sorry about this," Kolara says, slowly making her way towards him, "I'm sorry we kidnapped you. I didn't have a choice. Mother Pran is our leader. I couldn't say no to her. Are you hurt? I didn't want to hurt y – "
"I'm fine, Kolara," he interjects. He knows she had no choice. He knows how that is too well himself. He always has. "Who is the scavenger?"
"We… we don't know," she replies, "Someone out in the wastes, under the Celadon Sea. You remember the kite we saw on the airgun? That was one of many gifts from the scavenger. Little pieces of the world before. The scavenger sends us beautiful things. It's like… back before the war, people had time to care about things beyond just fighting. It's like you were telling me, about what things should be like. They could make things. Things that aren't really for anything, they're just… beautiful."
So that's what they're going to kill this person for?
He should have known.
And he doesn't like how much it's reminding him of how he constantly feels about the Jedi. But the Jedi aren't doing what they are to fight and destroy. They're doing it to help. It's different.
Right?
"It's called art, Kolara. That's the word you're looking for," Anakin replies, "Now I understand why the adults are so afraid of the scavenger. He's a distraction. All the adults, Open, Closed – It doesn't matter - none of them want you thinking about anything other than winning the war. The scavenger shows you that things used to be different… and that they could be again. No wonder they want him dead."
"Who is this, Kolara?" demands one of the boys.
"Skygift. His name is Anakin. He and his master came here because of the distress call and - "
"Skygift? He's not even of our world, and yet he thinks he knows our business?"
"Let me ask you a question," Anakin says, "One question. How many of you have art from the scavenger? I know Kolara has some. What about the rest of you?"
They all look at each other. "We…" begins one of the boys hesitantly.
That answers more than enough.
Anakin tries to ignore the quiet question whispering in his mind, of why it feels he's the only Jedi who just doesn't fit in when that's not true here. But it won't matter in the end, if he does leave. His talk with Windu still left him feeling so lost about it, though. He doesn't know what to do. But now, he needs to help these children.
"You all have something," he concludes, "I thought so. Listen. You don't want Mother Pran to kill the scavenger, and I need to find my master. We can help each other. I can make things. There's plenty here I can use."
*w*
In the end, they're able to save the scavenger. And Windu calls in the Republic to investigate alleged minerals on the planet's surface, which stops the Open and Closed fighting for now. But Anakin still has no idea if it will last. They can only hope.
The Republic just left this world until they thought it had something they needed.
It has him thinking all over again how maybe being with Palpatine would help, even if he knows this only worked now because they're Jedi.
Windu comes over to him, after the battle has settled out. "Are you alright?" he asks.
"I'm fine, Master." Seeing him again brings back the rush of guilt and desperation and – Everything he's trying to sort through as he considers if he should go through with leaving.
"Good." Windu turns, heading off.
Kolara comes over to him. "You're going to leave now?" she asks and he can hear her disappointment.
"I have to," Anakin says, "I wish I could stay to help but… maybe I'll be back one day." She feels like the first friend he's even made since leaving Tatooine.
"I hope you are," Kolara says. She eyes him for a moment. "Are you going to be alright?"
"I… I don't know," he admits, glancing around to make sure their conversation is private. "I don't know what to do. I thought about leaving the Order but my master told me I'm just abandoning my duty. He's not wrong."
"I thought fighting in this war was my duty too," she points out, "It's not that different for you, is it? I know you're doing what you are to help people but you showed me there was another way. Maybe there is for you too."
The reassurance…. helps.
He still can't shake the gnawing guilt that he's just abandoning his duty, and the sinking knowledge that he's failing and then he'll be nothing and he's never going to be what Qui-Gon freed him to become but he doesn't want to just keep acting like everything is normal again. Like he even knows how to keep doing this. Even if the thought of not constantly having Windu hovering and giving him direction about literally everything leaves him feeling lost.
But Palpatine can… do that too. Anakin might barely know him but he seemed so nice. "I think I'll try," Anakin replies finally.
Kolara smiles at him. "I really think you should. You helped me and I'd like to give you the same in return."
Anakin smiles back. "Thank you," he offers, a little shyly.
"Anakin?" Windu calls.
Clearly, it's time to go.
"I'll see you… later," Anakin says. And he actually does have the feeling he will some day but he doesn't know when and it's still disappointing to have to go.
"Bye, Anakin." She smiles again. "Good luck."
"You too."
*w*
The ride back to the Temple feels quieter and tenser than the ride to the planet in the first place. Anakin knows what he has to do now but he's still afraid, even after Kolara's encouragement.
"Have you reflected on your decision, padawan?" Windu asks finally.
"I have, Master," Anakin replies quietly, gaze dropping to the floor. He knows what he needs to say, but it's just… not easy. "I… I still want to leave."
Windu's quiet for a long pause. "You understand that being gone from the Jedi Order does not absolve you of the duties you carry as the Chosen One?"
He knows that. That's not even what this is about. Not really. Or maybe partly because he can't live up to what the Jedi want and it feels like such a failure to think it, but he just – can't anymore. "I… understand."
"And with your training still far from complete, the chance that you could Fall is still far greater. It's arrogant to believe otherwise."
He knows he can't. He won't.
He already promised that he won't but it feels arrogant to keep arguing that. He doesn't even know how to so he just says nothing.
"But once we have returned to the Temple, you can inform the Council of your decision." Windu leaves him there, heading back to the cockpit.
The door closing leaves him feeling unreasonably alone. He's always lonely now and it's such a constant part of his existence that he's starting to grow as used to it as he ever could but that doesn't mean that it's easy.
That's really a large part of why he's leaving because he can already see now that he's never going to fit among the Jedi even if he doesn't understand why, when he constantly tries so hard.
*w*
It's always hard to be in the Council chambers but Anakin explains his decision to them and then goes to his room to pack. He doesn't have much here. Jedi don't really have possessions – and slaves don't normally either but Anakin managed to steal more from Watto and take home than he's managed to pick up at the Temple.
Still, there's a few things.
Some random broken down droid pieces he doesn't want to part with.
And a pair of clothes, though he'll have to leave his Jedi ones behind.
He's walking away from his life for a second time over and he can't help thinking how different it is. Both times, he didn't know of any other path forwards, no matter how much it hurt to leave. And it does. But – here, there's no one to see him off. No one who it even feels like is going to care that he's gone.
Obi-Wan's been gone on a long mission and Anakin doesn't even know when he'll be back. It's been months. He wishes he'd have the chance to say goodbye to him.
He swings his small bag over his shoulder once he finally is finished, heading out and for the hangar. Alone. Hardly anyone even spares him a glance.
He's just reaching the hangar when he hears footsteps behind him. Looking up, it's to see Windu approaching.
Anakin stills.
He didn't actually think he would see his master again. He still can't help how guilty he feels for just leaving but it's not like Windu really wants him anyway. All Anakin ever does is cause him problems. And he truthfully doesn't want to have to deal with another pointed lecture of how he's failing his duty with what he's doing. Even if it's true.
"You need to get to the Senate somehow," Windu says, when he catches up with him, "I can drop you off."
…oh.
"Thank you," he mumbles very awkwardly.
Windu just nods, going to get in a speeder and Anakin climbs in next to him.
He spends the whole ride thinking he should say something but words fail him. But that's pretty much always true when his master is around.
The speeder finally pulls up outside and Anakin can't help how he suddenly feels strangled with emotion. It's really happening. He's not a Jedi anymore already but it doesn't feel truly real until right now. Once he's out of the speeder, he'll… be off to an entirely new life a second time over. And it's terrifying but not as terrifying as it was back when he was nine.
But still, it's suddenly so hard.
Even If there's a tiny part of him that just feels relieved and he can't help feeling a bit guilty and just awful about that too.
Windu watches him for a long moment. "May the Force be with you," he says finally.
It's almost startingly that he'd even say that at this point. "You… too, Master," Anakin blurts.
"Take care, Anakin," he adds, gaze lingering on him for a few long seconds before he turns back to fire up the speeder again.
But he doesn't actually drive away until Anakin's nearly made it to the Senate door.
He already called ahead to Palpatine and it's strange to be walking these halls entirely alone, but he makes his way up to the Chancellor's office to wait for a meeting.
Palpatine calls him into his office not long later. "I'm glad you could make it here, my boy," he says, laying a gentle hand on Anakin's shoulder.
"I kept thinking about your offer," Anakin replies quietly, "And I wanted to take it. I want to be able to help now."
The Chancellor smiles faintly. "You have an immense heart, Anakin. And I must say, that… is something I fear the Jedi would have taken from you, had you stayed with them. It may not be my place to say this but I believe you made the right choice is coming here. I am more than capable of providing you somewhere to stay, as you will definitely need at your age."
"Thank you, sir," Anakin says, gratitude flaring through him. It was a problem he'd thought about a little but he's used to having almost no food and just… nothing really. And he could deal with that again if it meant being able to help now. And most importantly, a chance at being able to go back to Tatooine to free the slaves.
"Your mother is still a slave, is she not?" Palpatine muses.
Anakin nods.
"Perhaps we can find a way to free her," he says, and Anakin's heart sores instantly. Why, why is Palpatine more worried about this than the Jedi ever were? "But in the meantime, you will need a guardian to live with and I am more than willing."
Anakin looks up slowly, eyes widening.
The Chancellor is offering to adopt him? That's entirely different than just offering to give him some kind of job close to him. It's – why would he do that?
"I – I don't know what to say," he says, scrambling for words.
"Would you be alright with it?"
How could he really say no, when someone is offering him something like this? Even if he already owes Palpatine so much for what he's done for him.
A stab of guilt runs through him, when he thinks of how Qui-Gon freed him and how Anakin just left the Jedi anyway. But he doesn't necessarily know that he's doing it forever. And he does still believe in what they taught. He just…
"Of course," Anakin blurts, "Thank you."
Palpatine squeezes his shoulder gently. "Well then, I will look into that."
"I… have one question," Anakin says, "About the last mission I was on where the Republic sent in aid. Is the situation there still stable?"
"From what I have heard, yes," he promises, "The Senate is considering sending some aid to help them rebuild, as there are some resources the planet has that could be of… use."
"If there's anything I can do to help that world, I would like to," he admits. He wants to help Kolara get to rebuild and he does also want the chance to see her again.
"We'll see," Palpatine muses, "If you're help is needed in keeping the planet secure, I will be sure to choose you."
That's… something, at least.
And a probably almost guaranteed chance he'll see Kolara again.
This is going to be an entirely new life but he thinks he's ready for it.
Author's Note: I know this is a pretty open ending and I might do a continuation at some point, if I get an idea for it. The most I can say is that I don't think Palpatine's going to reveal his identity any time soon. He's going to wait until he's sure he has Anakin's full loyalty first. And hey, maybe while he's playing as Anakin's really nice dad, it'll end up becoming real. But either way, Anakin's definitely gonna have a far happier childhood than he would as a Jedi so I think it's a pretty good conclusion, all things considered. :3
Final Notes: Reviews are always appreciated! ^-^
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