Chapter 28

Kayla knew when she got back to the inn that her brother and sister were going to be waiting for her to get in. They were going to want to know everything she did. Everything she had learned.

As she would if she was them.

But she did not want to go back to them in tears.

So, as she had on the way to the archive, she took the walk by the river. It was a lot quieter than it had been on the way down.

There was no mother and there was no baby.

No big group of fishermen.

No courting couple.

But what there was, was him. The man with the patch. She had no idea what he had done with his day, but she could only hope he had had a better day than she had had. That he was ending the day on a high.

"Now who are you sweetness?" He asked as she passed. Later, she would pause to take in the fact he had noticed her as she had noticed him. But not then…

The problem was his question pulled into sharp reality what she had been feeling all day.

"I don't really know."

And that was all she gave him as that was all she knew.

On her return, Kim and Roman were not surprised to hear of the length their dad went to in order to find them. Touched but not surprised and thrilled to have a proper name and location. It was her turn to be emotional and their turn to be practical.

And the map which she had used to find the archive, was now used to find the most local Catholic Churches.

X x x

After all the run up for what had felt as if it would be the most important Sunday of their life, they went to the wrong church. Because of course they did. Or at least if it was the right church, there was absolutely no one in there who any of them, could identify as their Pop.

They could have gone to St Michael's or St Luke's.

And that day they had gone to St Michael's.

And then in their disappointment they had had to sit though mass.

Kayla had never been very religious she did not think, despite the fact that she had gone to church since she was a child. It was just something that they did. But this was one of those days when she was glad, she was in the house of God, for since she had gone to read the old newspapers, her soul had been troubling her. She had not shared the feeling with her siblings for… well, she did not think they would share it. They had been loyal to their Pop.

But she… she did not know what she had been… it was as if she had been happy go lucky.

She had been a child and accepted the world as it had been presented to her, even when she had grown up. Mama had been mama and Victor had been her father to all intents and purposes, and they had been the kids.

That had been enough for her.

And it should not have been. Roman and Kimberley were sensible enough to know better.

And now she just felt so much shame.

The problem she was having was it had changed so much, the way she saw the world. Especially who her mother and Victor were. They were good people.

They had brought her up. But they had chosen to destroy a man and take his family from him.

It did not tally for her.

Yet somehow, she was going to have to square it.

Which would take a long time for her to do.

And there in the church she had her first break down about what had happened to them. Roman and Kimberly had had them before – they had cried when they had been young, and they had cried as they got older.

And Kim had had a good cry on the way back on the plane.

But Kayla did not think she had ever cried… she has not thought she had cause too…

But right then she did.

Even if they found their Pop, how could they ever, ever put this massive wrong right?

That was something else she could not tally…

On return to the Salem Inn, the first thing which she wanted to do was go to bed. She felt as if she had been wrung out and for to long too lot and she needed a long lay down. If she was ever going to be able to get everything straight in her head…

She had not even wanted to talk to Kimberly and Roman about this, for she did not want to displace her own dark thoughts into their heads.

Not when they had so much gone on in their own minds as well.

She wished... Well, she did not know what she wished but it was not like this. She wished right then somehow things were very very different.

She wanted her mother, and she wanted her father and even though she did not like the fact, there was a part of her which still wanted Victor with her right then and then.

And none of them at all.

That was the thought in her head as she heard the door open.

She shut her eyes and wished that Kim had left her be just a little bit longer. She did not know if she was ready for this.

But if this was the other way around, would she have been any different? Probably not. She'd have checked on her too…

"Are you ok baby?" Asked Kim from the door, though the answer was clear.

"I – I just want to sleep for a while."

"I know you do," Kim said, as she crossed the room, and she ran a hand through her hair.

It was a gesture their mother would have made and against it all it gave Kayla some comfort and then; she did talk.

"I feel a damn fool and I must have looked like a damn fool. The way I ran out of the church." In the end it had got too much for her, and she had left the service early. She had no longer wanted to hear about the goodness of God when he had let so much go wrong for them.

"Of course you did not!" Her sister said reassuringly.

She was so young. Kayla was eighteen which sounded as if it was old but at the end of the day it – was not. She was only just an adult. Used to the protection of parents for her whole life and suddenly out on her own.

"And what ever any of them think does not matter," all that mattered right then to Kim was Kayla. Not what some random people in a church thought…. They were unlikely to ever see them again in any meaningful way.

"Can you tell me what's wrong?"

Besides the very, very obvious….

"Just all of it… I love them but I do not know how they did it."

Kim sighed. Her sister needed to say no more. It was a question she had spent a lot of time on over the years. Their mother who loved them so much….And she knew that she did.

But how could she? She had done something abhorrent. There was no escaping that.

"Nor do I." Kim murmured quietly.

"But I love them, and it feels if I went along with it and how is he ever going to forgive me…"

Kim shook her head. She couldn't blame herself. "None of this is your fault - you were a baby. No, you cannot take this on your shoulders – none of it…"

"But when I was older, I did not do any thing about it. I never questioned it. If it was not for you and Roman, I would still be at home."

She could not even say she thought of him every day. She had just lived as if their life was normal, as if she was the same as any of her other friends with their parents.

She just felt as if she was the most thankless and faithless child. To never question any of it…

"Kayla all of this has been done to us, not by us. You need to let go of this. All you did was live your life…." It did not feel like it.

And she did not know if she was ever going to be able to shake the way she felt.

"I need a bit of sleep Kimmie."

Kayla said as she looked at her and Kim could take a hint.

"Then I will leave you to it – but I do love you. And so will Pa and he is not going to blame you."

Kayla was not so sure about any of that last sentence. "I love you."

"And if you need to talk… I am here. Always baby sister. Always."

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