Ron the True Fan: Ash says it best.

Approaching Dewport City, Hoenn Region - 1342 hours local time - Day 825 of Ash Ketchum's Pokemon Journey

Ash turned his head to the readers. "Death to filler." he said with a dry smile. "Didn't see THAT coming, did you? Just assume everything the anime showed, I dealt with."

"Pretty sure the author said as much a while back." Misty added. "But we should go back to normal. Mars keeps staring at my ass."

With that author-mandated moment over, (WHACK!) Ash looked to the others in their little camp. Mars, as stated, was staring at Misty somewhat lustfully, while Serena was talking to May. Ash expected her perversity to come into play, but the two were actually discussing contests and performances and their differences. Kyoji was having a flirt-fight with Neesha - VERY entertaining - while Max was trying to help Wally with a difficult concept.

May's Silcoon, recently caught, was, of course, annoyed being immobilized, though Butterfree volunteered to help remind her that all was not lost and that she'd be a pretty Beautifly once she was ready to get out.

It reminded Ash of the first time they encountered contests in this timeline.

Rustbero City - 3 days before the others arrived

Ash wanted everything as familiar as possible. So as soon as he got to the outskirts of the city, he took May to the contest hall. It was a little more reinforced - given the Cipher War, that was understandable - but Hoenn still clearly put emphasis on beautiful things.

"It's… elegant, to say the least." May said after a moment. "But why bring us here and not to the gym?"

Ash's response was simple and elegant. "Before we start the gym challenge, I wanted to make sure you knew you had more options than just beating the crap out of other trainers." he said with a smile. "You could also beat the crap out of them IN STYLE! Which is what Pokemon Contests are all about."

Max, however, pointed out the problem. "May doesn't exactly have a team right now." her little brother semi-snarked, earning him a smack to the head.

It wasn't her fault that Tailows and Linoone weren't a fit for her. She wouldn't even find her Wurmple until AFTER Rustbero.

"Which is why I will be going into the contests." Ash said. "Give her a show. Plus Gible wanted to try something. He's up to something and doesn't even want me to let him out of the ball."

May nodded understandingly, her senpai willing to give her as many options as possible.

Thus they walked in, Ash registered and was shown to the locker rooms, May accompanying him due to the fact that she was on the verge of a panic attack the further away he was. Fortunately, the Nurse Joy in charge understood - what happened was common knowledge to League employees - and allowed her in.

This is when everything went straight to hell. As he was cycling in Gible, he heard a familiar and unwelcome voice.

"Well, well, this is new," said the unwelcome voice of Harley, Ash seeing the Cacturne-using (and dressed) coordinator in the corner of his eye, looking at his charge. "Ash Ketchum's in Hoenn and he already has a new slut."

Mistakes were made. ALL by Harley.

Karane Joy groaned. She HATED her job as a contest judge, but no one else in the clan was willing to take over. They were over a thousand strong, but very few were as mentally prepared for the medical profession as they were.

Then the cinderblock wall exploded, a green-clad man with purple hair flying out, skidding slightly…with his head stopping well under her skirt. The reaction was… predictable as she raised her foot and stomped on the idiot's throat. THAT got him running.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU SICK FUCK!" snapped Ash Ketchum as he rushed out of the hole.

Well, that explained much. Then again Harley was a misogynistic pig.

Three hours later

Irony was a bitch. Ash was competing against Harley. And he wanted revenge.

"CACTURNE, SHOW THIS IDIOT THE MEANING OF STYLE!" Harley roared, sending out the cacti Pokemon.

Ash, of course, had only one option. "Let's show them what you got, Gible!" he said, releasing the land shark, which the crowd already kinda knew was going to be cute.

They weren't prepared for his little outfit.

Black pants, a white dress shirt that just ended at his maw, a coat and a black cloak with an inner red lining covered the land shark Pokemon, his evolite clip being hidden slightly by the cape.

"Gible!" 'I am COUNT GIBULA!' cried the land shark. "Gi!" 'I vant to chomp your head!'

Harley STARED in confusion. "Impressive! The tailoring work on this little Gible makes him look like a vampire!" said Mr Goodshow.

"Apparently, he's Count Gibula." Ash said dryly. The microphones picked it up and the crowd swooned.

"Count Gibula! THAT'S good!" the Nurse Joy exclaimed as Harley got MAD.

"Bullet Seed!" Harley ordered. "Elegantly take that thing out!" Cacturne obeyed, but Gible took to the air, flying about like a… well, a vampire, evading the shots.

"Gi!" 'The shark flies through the night!' Gible exclaimed. "Gible!" 'What music they make!'

"You're going to be making Dracula puns for the rest of the match, aren't you?" Ash asked dryly, before Gible dropped on Cacturne, chomping on his neck like a vampire.

He was also using Fire Fang for the offensive part of it, of course.

"Gible-Gib!" 'Nighty-night, cactus boy!' the land shark said, Cacturne groaning in pain as he fainted, Gible landing gracefully and eyesmiling at the crowds.

"Remarkable showing! Gible, nay, Count Gibula has charmed the crowd!" Mr Goodshow declared.

"This isn't over, Ketchum! I'll make you pay for humiliating Cacturne like this!" Harley said. "I'll start with that-"

"Finish that sentence and find out what happens." Ash snapped. "Go ahead."

Harley found his sense of self-preservation and wisely shut up.

Present

Ash chuckled. Count Gibula. THAT was good.

Kyoji's shark growled. "What's wrong, Gible?" his trainer asked.

"Your groupees seem to have multiplied." came the unwelcome voice of everyone's favorite Sinnohian violet-haired asshole. Ash scowled, not in the mood to deal with Paul. "Including a big-titted brunette. Seems to be your type."

Ash was two steps from pulling out his gun and shooting the idiot - non-fatally, but at this point, Paul deserved it - but May's Torchic beat him to it.

"Tor!" 'Screw you!' said the bird, spitting embers at Paul, who didn't react fast enough as he was set on fire.

"RICHLY deserved." Max and Kyoji deadpanned as he ran around on fire.

"That's going to set the forest on fire!" Hikari shouted, mostly in Hisuian. "Piplup, put the idiot out using Whirlpool!"

Kyoji cackled as Piplup did just that, generating a Whirlpool on the tip of his beak and sending the water tornado at Paul, sending him spinning. "Revenge is a bitch, asshole!" he called, but turnabout was fair play as the idiot was launched at Ash, launching them both at a tree.

"Is… this normal?" Wally asked.

"Pretty much." Max said with a dry smile.

They soon saw pants, a shirt and shoes hanging from the trees. "Oh, this is PRECIOUS." Serena said, smirking.

It was about to get weird.

Ash rubbed his head as he refocused. Paul, of course, was laying nearby, groaning.

And almost naked, save purple boxers (which were missing something) and… bindings.

NO. PLEASE NO.

"Fucking bastard-" Paul said before noticing the situtation.

"HA! I KNEW IT!" Neesha cackled. "Only a chick could be that much of a dick!"

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, KETCHUM!" Paul exclaimed, fleeing into the woods as Neesha collapsed onto the ground laughing.

Serena, trying not to laugh herself, helped Ash to his feet. "You ok?" she asked… before Ash walked over to a tree and slammed his head into it.

"FUCKING HISUI!" he said, his forehead slamming into the bark REPEATEDLY.

"Hisui?" Zinnia asked. "What does Hisui have to do with that foolish girl?"

Well, it had to happen eventually.

Four hours later - outskirts of Dewport

Zinnia was not pleased. Not at all.

However, her displeasure was exceeded by Ash's own, ergo she decided to think on it.

The conclusion was thus: Satoshi went back in time, unwillingly and was forced - emphasis on forced - to partake in historical events, changing the timeline.

While she was not pleased by this at ALL, the fact he would have preferred to return to the present without causing any alterations to the timeline tempered her anger. He didn't want to do it.

If anything, he would've remained hidden if the need to sleep had not forced him into an impossible situation.

And Hikari apparently followed him home. Again, he knew nothing until it happened.

She gave him credit for one thing, at least: he bore responsibility for the actions. Or at least the situation he was forced into.

She would remain angry at him for quite some time, though. She had the right. But Zinnia knew she had to give him SOME credit and stop being mad. Just not now.

"Well." Ash said as he looked at the seaside town. "That is a LOT of fins."

There were Sharpedo EVERYWHERE. It was like that Unovan movie with the beach and the non-Pokemon shark.

Ash couldn't remember it, but he figured it was called Jaws.

Kyoji's Gible cheered at the sight of his seaborne counterparts. "Gible!" 'Sea sharks!' he cried.

"Might as well send them a friend." Kyoji said before releasing his own Sharpedo, which initiated a chain chomp reaction.

And Gible couldn't resist joining in.

CHOMP!

"Someone get these sharks out of here!" cried a mother, herding her child away from the frothing waters, though the only 'shark attack' was going to involve pets and affection.

On the beach, glaring at the school, was Brawly. "This is not my specialty." he muttered as the chomping frenzy continued.

"You might need an electric/fighting-type." Ash advised as they group walked up to the gym leader. "OR you can do it the friendly way."

Brawly chuckled. "I'm all for friendly, but… they're sharks." he said bluntly, as the Sharpedo school was…well…sharky. "You got any suggestions, I'm all for them."

Ash smirked. "I got this." he said, walking over to a dive shop.

Misty sighed. "Any thoughts on how this is going to end?" she asked.

"Ano… zap?" Hikari said before just that happened as the shopowner - who was a woman, apparently - screamed. "Zap."

Ash walked out, annoyed, wearing chainmail gloves. And he marched straight to the beach. "Sharpedos!" he called out, the chomping frenzy ending before the sharks, with their theme music mysteriously playing in the air, sharked over, looking at him.

"Keep away from them!" one of the beachogers begged. Ash gave him a look saying 'you're an idiot, shut up and learn' before putting his hand on the nose of one of the Sharpedos and rubbing.

"Shar…" 'That's good…' the female shark said.

"Sharpedoes are FRIENDLY. They just want to make friends and get pet." Ash declared. "Most of them just have the Rough Skin ability, so you'll need chainmail to pet them!"

One boy ran over, Ash taking off a glove and helping slip it on so he could pet the sea sharks.

"And he thinks he's not dad material HOW?" Iris asked rhetorically.

"There aren't enough gloves!" exclaimed a beachgoer.

"Get steel brushes!" Ash called.

"He has a Pikachu, but knows how to care for aquatic Pokemon." said a bluentte as she watched the Crown Prince of Rota care for Sharpedos. "Perhaps he would have more aquatic Pokemon if he didn't travel over land?"

"How about we just stay the fuck out of sight?" another member said. "He'll nuke us if we try anything!"

The Team Aqua team knew better. They were not only type-matched, they were outgunned regardless.

Suicide wasn't in their job description.

Ron the True Fan: WISDOM!

Takeshi Yamato: Indeed. You don't mess with the guy with the overpowered Pikachu.

As for Paul, or rather, Pauline… we've actually been planning this twist since before Hisui.

Ron the True Fan: The fact no one really caught on was hilarious, but I WAS tempted to not go through with it… until Hisui. Only question is… To seduce or not to seduce? That is the very amusing question.

Takeshi Yamato: And it is a question we will not answer… alone. Tell us in the comments what YOU want us to do! Add Pauline to Ash's Harem? Kyoji's Harem? Or neither?

Ron the True Fan: Third option: Red. (Continues cackling) The idea of Red breaking the arrogant fuck down is hilarious. Then again, Ash getting revenge via unwitting seduction is ALSO hilarious.

Takeshi Yamato: Regardless, your opinion matters, readers, so LET US KNOW! And until next time,

Ja ne!