I, Brobot
by Gary D. Snyder
Chapter 3: Bad Feelings
Jimmy sat at the soda counter, absorbed in his thoughts. Apart from himself and Sam the owner the Candy Bar was empty. From time to time he would press a button or two on the compact device he was holding, mutter something under his breath and then relapse into silent contemplation. After about thirty minutes Sam approached him, wiping the counter with a bar towel, but Jimmy gave no sign that he knew Sam was there. After a couple minutes of awkward silence Sam coughed, softly at first and then, after he received no response, more loudly. Jimmy stirred and looked up as though waking from a dream.
"Say, Jimmy," Sam opened, "don't get what I'm going to say wrong. I mean, I love having you kids here. Yeah, I do. Even when you nearly put me out of business when you invented that candy of yours that everyone wanted." He paused. "Umm, you aren't going to make any more of it, are you?" When Jimmy shook his head, he continued, "Oh. Okay. Good. I mean – you don't happen have any samples or remember the formula, do you?"
Jimmy shook his head again. "No. I remember the formula, but the FDA classified the candy as a Schedule 0 controlled substance when they found out about it."
Sam blinked. "Schedule 0? I though Schedule I was the highest classification. I mean the lowest. I mean – well, you know what I mean." He frowned. "It's like that DEFCON level thing."
"Yes, I understand." Jimmy sighed wistfully. "But when the FDA did some analysis and subject testing on a piece before they destroyed the sample they created a brand new schedule for it." He frowned. "Apparently the penalty for manufacturing, distributing, possessing, or ingesting it is double secret detention, whatever that is."
"I suppose it's just as well," Sam replied sadly, resuming wiping the counter.
"Probably." Jimmy suddenly had a realization. "How did you know about controlled substance schedules?"
"Oh, well." Sam looked thoughtful. "For a while I was going to be a pharmacist. Went to school and everything, yeah. But I decided to become a confection purveyor."
"Oh? Why?"
Sam chuckled. "After checking out the market I decided that I could make more money giving people bellyaches than by treating them. After all, people want to eat candy and drink soda. They don't want to take medicine, yeah." He chuckled again. "I tell you, that Atomic Chocoblast is a real money-maker when someone actually orders it."
Jimmy nodded. "Good call."
Sam moved away whistling and then returned. "I almost forgot. Speaking of making money, do you think you could actually buy something since you're here?"
"Sure." Jimmy fished a dollar bill out of a pocket and laid it on the counter. "Give me a Purple Flurp."
"Sure thing."
As Sam worked the fountain Jimmy turned his attention back to his device but his curiosity once again got the better of him. "How did you know about the DEFCON levels?"
Sam finished dispensing the soda and placed the glass before Jimmy. "Funny story about that. You see –"
Jimmy never did see because at the moment the door to the Candy Bar swung open and Sheen and Carl strutted in. "Hiya, Jimmy!" called Sheen.
"Hi, Sheen," Jimmy answered absently, once again absorbed with his device readings.
"Hi, Jimmy," said Carl.
Jimmy's responsed as automatically as he had to Sheen. "Hi, Carl."
"Hi, Jimmy!" another, higher-pitched voice put in.
"Hi, Brobot." It took Jimmy nearly five seconds before what he had said sunk in. He whirled around, gaping in disbelief. "Brobot? What are you – how did you – why are you here?!"
Brobot's perpetual smile seemed more radiant than normal. "Sheen and Carl's friend brought us here for a visit. Wasn't that nice? Won't we have fun?" He began whizzing around the shop in ecstasy. "It's been so long. Are the other kids on vacation? Will we be able to see them? Can I have some candy? What does it taste like? Can you use it for anything else, like gum? Sheen says that it's better than duct tape."
As he slowed his whirling about the floor Jimmy finally recovered enough to speak coherently. "Brobot, you should be on the moon with –" He paused and a sudden feeling of dread came over him. "What did you mean, 'us'?"
"Us. Me. Mom. Pop. All of us."
Jimmy gritted his teeth. "And which 'friend' brought you here?"
Before Brobot could speak, Sheen piped up. "That's the best part, Jimmy. Eustace Stritch did."
Jimmy stared, stunned. "Eustace? Eustace took you and Carl to bring back Brobot and his folks?"
"No, Jimmy, just me." Brobot came to a complete stop. "He wanted me to meet a lot of new people who wanted to meet me. But my mom and pop didn't want me to leave home alone, so he let us all come."
So that's it, thought Jimmy. Eustace couldn't get his hands on Goddard so he's brought Brobot and his parents here. Aloud, he said, "But why did he want you to come to Earth in the first place, Brobot?"
"He just wanted me to talk to some people he knew. He said that I could visit you and you parents and your friends when I'd done."
Jimmy shook his head. "There's no way you can trust Eustace, Brobot. Carl, Sheen – tell him." Carl shuffled uncomfortably at this while Sheen's eyes moved back and forth to avoid any eye contact with Jimmy. "Well?" Jimmy asked impatiently.
"Well, we'd like to help you," Sheen answered slowly, "but the fact is that we're kind of working for him now."
Jimmy's mouth opened in disbelief.
Carl nodded in agreement. "Yeah. We're sort of helping him."
Jimmy's mouth opened wider as his jaw dropped. "What?"
"It's true," Sheen insisted. "He's paying us to work for his new company."
"What company?" two voices asked in unison.
They all turned to face the newcomers, with Brobot reacting first. "Cindy! Libby!" he raced to and then around the two girls, who had entered the shop unnoticed. "Gee, it's good to see you again. I've learned a lot since I saw you. I can sing all the songs from 'Annie' backwards. Can you? Did you know that you can sing 'America the Beautiful' and 'O Little Town of Bethlehem' and 'Good King Wenceslas' and 'It Came Upon a Midnight Clear' to each others' music? Do you like to do that? I do. I also like to sing 'The Marine Corps Hymn' to the tune of 'My Darling Clementine' as well. My mom says –"
Libby rolled her eyes and sounded bored. "What company?" she repeated.
Sheen looked furtive. "Oh. Well, it's kind of a secret…until the official announcement in a couple weeks. We promised."
Libby frowned, crossed her arms, began tapping her foot, and made a low, gutteral noise in her throat. "What company?" she repeated.
"I can't tell you." Sheen protested, spreading his hands. "Honest. Besides, we don't know."
"But…" Carl swallowed before continuing. "But I guess it's okay if we tell you what we'll be doing."
Cindy and Libby exchanged glances and Cindy shrugged. "That'll do…for now."
"We're Vice Presidents of Marketing Research and Product Applications!" Carl exulted as Sheen beamed.
Jimmy regarded the pair suspiciously. "Meaning what?"
"Meaning we come up with ideas for products and how to use them," Sheen explained. "And we'll be getting a lot of money for it."
"And just how much is 'a lot of money'?" asked Libby, her curiosity now piqued.
Carl fidgeted as he answered. "Apparently somewhere between 'a boatload' and 'more than God'."
Immediately Cindy and Libby flanked Carl and Sheen. "Do tell," purred Libby.
"And don't leave out a cent…I mean, a thing," Cindy added, her voice dripping honey.
Jimmy couldn't stand it any longer. "Have all of you lost your minds?" he exploded. "You can't really believe this!"
Sheen, Carl, Libby, Cindy, and Brobot answered Jimmy in unison. "Why not?"
"Do I really have to spell it out for you?" he retorted, starting to pace. "Do you really believe that Carl and Sheen are people who can come up with practical ideas, much less make money at it?"
"Hey!" Carl objected. "Name one of my ideas that wouldn't work!"
Jimmy stopped pacing gave Carl a dismissive glance. "Need I remind you of your idea for wind- up balloons?"
"Hey, I'm not the only one with breathing problems!" Carl protested.
"And when were any of my ideas impractical?" challenged Sheen.
Jimmy faced Sheen. "What about your suggestion for piñatas at your sister's quinceañera?"
"A lot of girls have piñatas at their quinceañera!" Sheen protested.
Jimmy stood his ground, ticking off his points on his fingers. "First, no girl wants an Ultra Lord piñata. Second, you wanted to fill the piñata with chocolate pudding."
Sheen remained obstinate. "Pudding cups," he grumbled, refusing to concede. "And everyone, including my sister, likes chocolate pudding."
"I know I do," Carl put in.
"Not helping," Libby whispered to him.
"And third," Jimmy went on, "I showed you and your sister exactly what would happen using a simulation on my Omnichron." He extended his wrist, ready to press a button on the device. "Do you want to see it again?"
Sheen sadly shook his head. "No, thanks. I still have flashbacks of my sister going into hysterics and shrieking, "¿¡Por qué yo tengo un hermano loco quien quiere arruinar mi vida delante de todo mis amigas?!"
Libby blinked. "What?"
"Crazy brother…life ruined…all of her friends there." Carl shrugged. "The usual."
"I didn't know you spoke Spanish." Cindy sounded impressed.
Carl dug his toe into the floor. "Well, llamas come from Peru. It's their native language."
Sheen sighed, still reminiscing. "It's like it happened only last week."
"It did," said Carl. "She said it again when you suggested that she have an Ultra Lord theme for her bridal shower when she got engaged."
"Still," Sheen fought on, "it won't be like that. Our ideas will be about what other company employees should design and who could use them, not what customers should do with them or how."
Jimmy shook his head. "That's just the problem. There's no telling what will happen if Eustace learns anything Brobot knows."
"Wait a minute," Cindy broke in, catching on. "Are you talking about Stritch maybe making robots?" She gave a short laugh. "So what? A lot of companies make robots. My mom has one that vacuums the floor and a car that can drive and park for her –"
Libby nodded. "And my parents have a robot that makes bread from scratch. So what's the big?"
A worried expression crossed Jimmy's face. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "All I know is that Eustace isn't interested in building cars or vacuum cleaners or breadmakers. What I do know is that if he wants to involve Brobot or his parents in his plans it's probably bad. Very bad." He turned to Carl. "Think about ExJay Nine."
Sheen blinked at the name. "Who?" he asked.
"That robot we met on Felangie. Now –"
Sheen still looked lost. "Do you mean EmAre Two?"
Jimmy shook his head in disgust and continued. "Can you really compare ExJay Nine to any robot that anyone on Earth makes?"
"Well, no." Carl looked thoughtful and added, "I mean, he can do more than they can and without anyone telling him to do it."
"I've got to admit that sounds pretty cool," said Cindy.
"It's not." Jimmy again ticked items off his fingers. "Nanobots. Willy Loman 3000. MaternaTron." His voice took on a pleading tone. "Trust me. Things go wrong and you and I have been there. Eustace doesn't realize what he might be doing. We've got to stop him."
His friends looked at each other. "He has a point," conceded Libby.
Cindy still sounded dubious. "But Brobot and his parents are so…harmless. How could Eustace possibly make anything that would be bad because of Brobot?"
"He'll find a way," Jimmy insisted. "The best way to prevent it is not to let it happen."
Sheen heaved a disappointed sigh before suddenly brightening. "Wait a minute. Eustace is having that town meeting with Mayor Quadar to announce his plans. Why don't we hear what Eustace plans to do and then let both Jimmy and Eustace tell their sides of it? Then we can have the town and mayor decide what to do."
Libby nodded. "That sounds like a good idea." She patted Sheen's shoulder that she usually punched. "Good idea, Sheen."
Sheen looked smug. "Who says I don't have any practical ideas?"
"Well, Neutron?" asked Cindy, a hand on her hip. "Any objections?"
Brobot looked quizzically at Jimmy. Are there?"
Jimmy looked unhappy, but finally relented under the expectant gazes of the others. "Fine. We'll wait for the public announcement and hear what Eustace has to say, and I'll air my ojections then. But," he added with unweakened resolve, "I still say it would be a bad idea regardless of what Eustace has to say."
The five split up, with Jimmy and Brobot heading to Jimmy's house, Carl and Sheen on their way to Eustace's estate, and Cindy and Libby making their way to the Retroville Mall. Sam watched then as they all drifted away. "Yeah, fine, go ahead and leave," he called after them. "It's not like I'm trying to make a living here or anything."
End of Chapter 3
Author's note:
I've found that one of the toughest things is having multiple characters interact, even if they make for (hopefully) entertaining interactions. One reason is that time and again I'll write something that one character says and discover that the chain reaction of the others' response will take the story in a direction different than what I wanted, forcing me to rewrite and entire sequence. Many of you writing stories no doubt have noticed that the characters and plot take on a life of their and the best you can do is try to keep them manageable rather than actually control them. Another is making sure that each of the characters contribute something worthwhile, because if they don't there's no reason for them to be there.