Beyond Infinity

Chapter 4 : Loathing for the Light

The rays of sunlight poked your eyes behind their lids until they flashed open. Mysteriously returned to your home at the Avengers compound, emptiness of the bed sheets beside you tugged at your chest as you realized you were away from Loki yet again. The obnoxious clanging of metal rang into your ears and the peculiar smoldering scent of food reached your nostrils. You pulled your silky nightgown off, slipped on your jeans and t-shirt and pushed your feet into your ordinary sneakers to investigate.

Tony was in the kitchen, waving cooking utensils around like broken weapons in battle. You could see the tiredness in his stiff movements, like a puppet being pulled by strings. The God of Thunder was leaning against one of the windows with his elbow, peering down mindlessly at the bustling city below. He scooped his hair in his palm as if he were trying to discard his own thoughts. The empty room was filled with still air.

If you were to have any chance of maintaining their trust in you, they couldn't know about your recent encounter with Loki. It would be understandably difficult to hide such treachery from the Avengers, especially Thor. There were many times Loki bested him with his tricks, but Thor had a knack for recognizing manipulation. Still, you had to try. No need to delay the inevitable, you thought.

"Where is everyone?" Your voice echoed against the cold tile floors.

Thor's head whipped around to face you, and his eye widened in surprise. He scanned you as if you were a stranger. "I believe the proper question is, where were you? You've been gone several years!"

Years? Loki said he found me last week! Was that another lie? You wondered to yourself. "It's been that long?" You said.

"That's right. We thought we would never see you again. How ironic that you're the one asking the questions and not us." Tony's voice carried bitterness, which was not a good tone to initiate the conversation with. You were already getting off on the wrong foot and it could ruin your chances of convincing them of your innocence.

"Excuse me if I'm out of the loop. What happened?" You asked.

"You were taken," Thor said. "And somehow, you have reappeared unharmed. Don't you think that's odd?"

"Who said I was taken?" You decided to feign ignorance, but the wavering pitch of your voice betrayed your anxiety.

Tony and Thor exchanged glances.

"I did," Tony said. He turned off the stove, set his utensils down and took a step towards you, arms crossed. "Usually when someone goes missing around here, we assume they were taken. And that means we have to try to get the bottom of it." He walked over to the dining table, pulled a seat out, and sat in it. "So far, we haven't had a single lead, until now. So, we have to get clues from you."

You picked at the hangnails on your fingers behind your back, out of sight. Neither of them could see the nervous habit, lest they suspect your guiltiness. Instead of lying, you decided to tell them what you did remember.

"Well, I remember being at the beach," you said as you walked over to Tony and sat beside him.

Thor joined the two of you at the table. "Yeah, well that's not very helpful. We need more details, (Y/N)," Thor said. "Is there anything you can recall describing where you were located?"

Now they are trying to help me instead of scrutinizing me, you thought. Their guard was lowering, as they suspected you weren't at fault for whatever situation you were brought into. Now I'm gaining control.

You shook your head, eyes closed. Your brows furrowed in concentration. "I saw constellations that aren't visible to Earth. There was no sunlight. I was in space."

Thor grunted, gaze locked onto the table. "That explains why I couldn't locate you in any of the nine realms," he whispered. His eye shot up at you with intensity. His nostrils flared, and you could tell he was holding back the train of thought racing through his mind. He knew something that Tony didn't.

"Did you come in contact with anybody?" Tony asked. Hands clasped, he leaned closer to you.

You avoided the question. "My memory is hazy. It didn't feel like I was gone for years. It felt like I was just here yesterday."

"Well, that's definitely useful," you could sense the sarcasm in Tony's voice. He leaned back in his chair, hands placed behind his head as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. "I'll go make a couple calls, bring everyone back. As far as I'm concerned, we have some Avenging to do, and we need the entire team to do it. Thor and I aren't getting anywhere." He stood up quickly and slid his chair under the table while maintaining his grip on its back. His other hand fumbled around in his pocket as he sighed. "Get some rest, you're gonna need it for tomorrow."

Thor eyed you as Tony swiped his plate of breakfast off the kitchen counter and retired to his quarters.

"I don't know what game you are playing, but it won't last long," Thor hissed. "Whatever you are hiding, we will bring it to the light."

"Well right now it doesn't seem like you are getting very far in this investigation," you retorted.

"That's because we don't have the team or it's full efforts. You are still a part of it, so you should know our capabilities. If you were on our side, you wouldn't be this reluctant to share information."

"I don't know what happened! One minute I was at the beach, the next minute I was in space, and then I ended up in my room! Now I'm here, being interrogated by what remains of the Avengers. As far as I know, I could have been in a trance!"

A loud silence halted the conversation. Thor stood from his seat abruptly, sending his chair sliding against the floor. He walked towards the window to continue staring at the streets below as they wavered like a mirage in the desert.

You decided to return to your room and slip under the sheets. Your heart was beating out of your chest. Would the Avengers really believe you? What would they do once they found out the truth and sifted through the lies? Where would you go? Who would accept you? Deep in your subconscious, you already knew the answers to your questions. It was only a matter of time until you would live through those answers. Eventually, your heart slowed, and your eyes closed.

Later that night, you were startled awake to the sound of your door closing. Your eyes shot open as you turned to look at Thor, who was guarding the door while facing you. He had the same determined and suspicious stare from your conversation earlier. He took a step towards you.

"You said you were in space, that you could see constellations that aren't visible to Midgardians," he spoke softly. "I am well aware that in the sea of space you speak of, there is the void."

You gulped so loudly, you thought he could hear the saliva slide down your throat.

"And I know of many people who use the void to hide, like cowards. Except, they are cunning to choose such a place because it is so hard to find. One of those cowards is my brother, Loki. Was it my brother that you came in contact with?" He said.

Your eyes widened in frozen surprise as you sat up in bed. Your reaction was all he needed to confirm his suspicion.

"Why did you not admit this, (Y/N)?" He asked sincerely.

You gave up pretending. "Because you know the history the Avengers share with Loki," you whispered. You couldn't allow yourself to meet Thor's gaze.

"Then you should know of the importance that your knowledge holds!" He barked as his face turned cherry red. "When everyone arrives tomorrow, you will have to explain this to them! You will have no choice!"

"Except I do have a choice!" You yelled. "I won't tell them anything."

"Oh but you will. You've already told me, and if you refuse to speak the truth then I will. If they hear this news from me, you will be seen as a traitor, which you are. But if they hear it from you, it could come with an advantage," he said.

"What advantage?"

"They would see the fault in your wrongdoings and be willing resolve the issue as a team. Wouldn't you rather have that?"

"I would, but do I deserve it?"

"Maybe not, but whatever you know could help us find and defeat him. I will do what my father could not. I will deal with Loki and put an end to his schemes, once and for all. It's only right."

You shuddered at the thought of Loki's death. Surely, Thor wouldn't kill his own brother, would he? No, he would find a way to punish him or lock him up. Maybe the Avengers would have a chance of stopping him if they brought him in. You were sure that Loki would manage to slip away before justice could be served, like he always did. But if he did manage to escape, it would only give you another chance with him. You hated the mundane, law-abiding lifestyle. It wasn't just Loki that appealed to you, it was his air of conserved cunning. He always found a way to take care of himself, and you wanted to live freely with him. I should put these feelings and these childish thoughts to rest, you thought. As tempting as it was to allow yourself to be blinded by your infatuation with Loki, you decided to cooperate with Thor.

"I will be honest with the team. Loki should be stopped, and I will help," you said. Although, the words didn't feel or sound genuine leaving your mouth. It felt like you were reading from a script. It usually felt that way when you were trying to compromise on an issue.

Thor's mouth widened with a relieved smile. He exhaled, "Good choice, (Y/N). It will be much easier to do this with your help. Much easier. You can share the details tomorrow. It's probably best that I am not aware of them until then." He whipped around, walked through the door, and closed it behind him. It seemed he fulfilled his mission.

You fell back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. "I will help." How could you give in so quickly? It was Thor you were talking to. You couldn't best him mentally or physically, so there was no point in resisting. Instead, you focused on preparing for tomorrow's interrogation. As hard as it would be, all you had to do was be honest. Suddenly, you remembered what Thor said to you before you agreed to help capture Loki. "It could come with an advantage."