CHAPTER 2

Dean felt like he was being torn in two. Somehow he was back in that dark warehouse, surrounded by people who loved him, people he wanted to see daily and grow old with. His Mom, Jessica, the lovely Carmen…man she was fine! And yet, he knew it wasn't real and he had to let go. Looking into Sam-not-Sam's eyes, knowing that the real Sam would have been able to read him and stop him from what he was about to do, he took the knife in his hand and shoved it into his chest.

Jerking awake, Dean's eyes flew open only to find another set of eyes looking back at him. "What the hell?" he exclaimed. Frozen in surprise he stared up at the upside-down face peering at him. Vibrant blue eyes were set in a small, pixieish face framed by blonde curls.

"You thaid a bad word."

Dean struggled for a moment with his covers, finally managing to sit up and take in his unexpected visitor. A glance over at Sam found him still mostly buried under blankets on the couch except for his eyes, which were dancing with mirth as he observed the scene before him.

"You're thupposed to thay thorry when you thay a bad word." Dean's attention was drawn back to the small sprite now standing in front of him, looking at him with a frown. She had her hands on her hips in a very Izzy-like impression and Dean had to mask a smile at the likeness.

"I'm sorry," he said solemnly, then added "Are you a princess?" She giggled at that, hands to her mouth and a little skip in place.

"No thilly. I'm Luthy. I'm thix, and I justh lotht my front tooth!" She smiled after her announcement, showing him the gap in her front teeth with her little pink tongue. "Thath why I thound funny."

"Very nice to meet you Lucy." he replied, entranced. "I'm Dean, and that big lump over on the couch is my little brother, Sammy." She giggled again and gave Sam a little wave.

"It's Sam." Sam interjected.

"Hi Thammy!" she replied cheerfully, ignorant of the dagger looks Sam was now shooting at his brother. "Wait! How are you the little brother? You're tho big!" Dean laughed out loud at that, but she wasn't done. "I have a big brother too. He'th eight. Hith name is Luke. He pullz my hair and hides my toyth, but I thill love him."

"Lucy? Are you in here - oh, Lucy!" a pregnant blonde woman came wandering in, looking not the least bit surprised to find her daughter engaged in conversation with two strange men. Sam sat up and pawed through his hair, making a worse mess of it than before as she added, "I'm so sorry she woke you! I'm Juliette, Jake's wife."

"He thaid a bad word Mommy." said Lucy solemnly, pointing to Dean, "but then he thaid thorry. This ith Dean. That ith Thammy." She pointed at Sam, even as Dean smirked. He knew 'Sammy' was going to stick.

"It's Sam." he clarified to Juliette with a smile, adding earnestly, "Lucy isn't bothering us, ma'am" She's a delight."

"Whath a de-light?" Lucy asked, her brow wrinkled, unsure if he was being nice or mean.

"It means they like you sweetheart." said Izzy as she swept into the room and moved quickly over to grab Dean into a strong hug as he stood to greet her. "Oh Dean, I'm so glad you're here!" she said happily, releasing him with a quick kiss on the cheek and whirling around to grab Sam in another hug. "So happy to see you Sam." she chirped. Releasing him, she added, "I see you've met my granddaughter and daughter-in-love! Juliette, I've got her, you go worry about yourself. Lucy, come help Grandma get breakfast ready." Grabbing Lucy by the hand they sailed off to the kitchen, leaving Sam, Dean, and Juliette a little overwhelmed by the whirlwind that was Izzy.

"Izzy and Lucy make quite the pair," Sam said.

Juliette laughed, "You have no idea." With that comment and a wave she headed back to the guest room, and the brothers quickly dealt with their bedding. A short time later, dressed and ready for the day they were entering the kitchen just as the back door flew open and a young boy ran in boisterously along with both dogs. He made a beeline for Izzy, calling "Grandma, look! I found the coolest leaf…" then noticed the dogs fawning over two strangers and immediately fell silent. Travis had entered behind at a more sedate pace, followed by Jake, who laughed at the chaos taking place in the kitchen.

"Morning boys!" Travis greeted them cheerfully. "Luke, please shoo the dogs outside."

"Sam! Dean!" Jake said, hastening forward to shaking their hands enthusiastically, "So good to see you!" Turning slightly as Luke returned to stand shyly behind his father he added, "This is my son Luke."

"Luke-y!" Lucy cried, jumping down from her perch on a chair where she had been 'helping' with breakfast and running over to fling her arms around her brother as if she hadn't seen him in days. "Did you meet my friendth?" He smiled fondly down at his sister and nodded.

"Ok, everyone out!" Izzy said over the chaos of conversation in the kitchen, handing a spatula to Juliette as she entered so she could tend to the skillet for her. "My kitchen's not big enough for the lot of you, so we're eating in the dining room. Sam, grab some plates on your way please. Dean, silverware. Luke honey, napkins at every spot. Jake, glasses. Travis, coffee."

Lucy tugged on Izzy's apron. "Gran'ma, you forgotted me."

"Never sweetheart! Can you please take these trivets and put them all along the middle of the table?"

"Yeth!" Grabbing the stack from Izzy she ran happily off to do her task.

"Okay then, everyone, move!" There was momentary chaos as everyone set to their assigned tasks, but very quickly they were all seated around the big farmhouse table. Pausing briefly, Travis offered up a prayer of thanks for the blessing of the full table - people and nourishment - and then they were dishing up the copious amounts of delicious breakfast foods. Conversation was light and interspersed with much laughter.

Watching the interplay among the various family members, Dean felt again the sharp pang of loss as he considered what could have been. Not wanting to affect the boisterous and cheerful dynamic at the table, he leaned over to Sam and quietly murmured, "Grabbing some air, I'll be back." and all but fled the homey room. Izzy caught Sam's eye, but he subtly shook his head and she continued to engage the others in conversation. If her eyes strayed toward the empty doorway more than once, no one commented.

–SPN–SPN–SPN–SPN–SPN–

Dean shivered in the cool morning air as the dogs raced to meet him, and he strode quickly towards the barn, wishing he'd had the presence of mind to grab his coat. The only real thought he'd had was to escape before he imploded. Watching Travis and Izzy interact with their kids and grandkids brought back all the emotions of seeing Sam engaged, with Mom alive to experience it. The future they could have had…knowing it wasn't real didn't make the pain any less. "Damn it!" he muttered to himself, frustrated with his maudlin mood but unable to pull himself out of it.

Coop and Digger escorted him to the barn, frolicking around him and darting a short ways off then running back, confused as to why he wasn't playing with them like he normally would. Sensing something was amiss, they slowly settled and entered the barn flanking him in support. Dean wandered over to greet the cow and inspect the latest addition to the 'family', a donkey named Eeyore. He rubbed the floppy ears, muttering, "I'm so dumb guys. I just left this happy group of people who want me around and care about me to come feel sorry for myself. I'm growing soft in my old age or something." Coop cocked his head as if to say 'listening' while Digger bumped against his leg, looking to be petted. Dean found a bale of hay nearby and perched on it, rubbing Digger's head and making his whole body wiggle in ecstasy. Coop pushed in for his own turn, and Dean had to laugh.

"The thing is…" he continued, "it's like I lost Mom all over again." He paused, struggling to rein in emotions that were too close to the surface. Coop bumped the hand that had stopped, so he resumed rustling his fur. "And Sam losing Jess. And the bright happy future for Sam…" and me, his mind supplied.

"There's just been too much damn loss!" he groused loudly, causing Eeyore to bray, startled. "Why do we always have to be the ones to lose? Huh?" he paused as the donkey nodded wisely as if understanding, then muttered quietly, "Why does life have to be so damn hard?"

There was no answer, but it was calming to sit there in the barn and just reflect, and now he felt a bit cowardly at the thought of having to return to the table full of eyes wondering what was up with him…so he grabbed a piece of straw to chew on and made himself comfortable, continuing to pour out his woes to these companions who were turning out to be very good listeners.