CHAPTER 5

Sam slept much of the next 24 hours, ignoring the coming and going of the family around him, but subconsciously always aware of his brother's closeness and waking occasionally to gentle pats on the forehead by Lucy or Izzy's murmuring voice as she plied him with Tylenol and fluids. His fever finally broke the next day, leaving him a sweaty limp mess. He woke slowly from a deep sleep, feeling lethargic but no longer plagued by the aches and shivers he had endured previously. Debating letting himself fall back asleep, he heard low murmuring coming from the recliner across from him. Immediately recognizing the tone, he rubbed his gritty eyes open to regard Dean, who had apparently fallen asleep and was now caught in the throes of a nightmare.

"But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero?" Sam could see a tear escape, even as he was rising to try and wake him. "What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life, Sammy's not supposed to get married? Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad? … It's…" Sam heard a slight sob and looked over to the doorway to the kitchen to see Izzy standing there, tears streaming down her face. He regarded her solemnly, and she nodded and fled, even as he reached over to gently try to pull his brother from his nightmare. It was obvious what Dean was dreaming about, and it cut his own heart in two to hear the pain and grief layered in his brother's broken voice. He knew they were far from past this.

"Dean." he said, his voice gravelly from his illness. "Dean, wake up." He shook him gently, then more forcefully, grabbing the fist that was thrown even as he repeated himself, "Dean, wake up!" Dean's eyes flew open as his fist was grabbed, immediately registered his attacker as Sam and subsequently relaxed. Sitting up he started to rub his face, his hand coming away wet. He glanced obliquely over to the couch where Sam was lowering himself back down and was grateful for the lack of comment…there was no chance his brother had not noticed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked after centering himself and mentally pushing his dreams away. Sam regarded him steadily, and he returned the look evenly. What do you want me to say? Dean challenged silently. I just want you to be ok came the clear response. He snorted, then looked up as Izzy entered the room.

"Awake boys?" she said cheerfully, no evidence of her earlier distress showing. "Sam, how are we?" She felt his forehead, looking down into his eyes, which were conveying his gratitude for her tact in not commenting on Dean's nightmare.

"I think the fever's gone, but I feel like I've gone ten rounds with a Wendigo." he replied.

"And it looks like the Wendigo won." snarked Dean, mask firmly back in place.

"Your face…"

"Children." came Izzy's reprimand though without heat, smiling at the familiar banter. "Understandable, Sam. Do you have enough energy to eat something?" He nodded, and she exited, quickly returning with some soup in a mug and a thick wedge of bread.

"Where's mine?" whined Dean playfully.

"We're not 'lowed to eat in the fam'ly room unleth we're thick." Lucy reprimanded. Both boy's heads whipped up, having not heard her enter behind Izzy. She giggled at their surprise and twirled several times before collapsing to the floor. "I'm thneaky." she announced proudly.

"You're something." said Jake as he entered the room, scooping her up and tickling her as she squirmed and squealed. Tossing her over his shoulder as she giggled, he looked over at his Mom. "What's the plan?"

Smiling at her now flushed and disheveled grandchild, and noting the bright smiles on both her 'adopted' boys, Izzy quickly came to a conclusion. "I think maybe we can make a special exception and have a picnic in the family room. If - " she paused as Lucy shrieked excitedly, "- if everyone can settle and be calm?" Lucy nodded and immediately instructed her Dad to put her down. Back on her own two feet, she plopped down, legs crossed and hands demurely folded. Izzy laughed, then indicated for Dean to come help her serve up the meal, sending Jake to round up the others.

Dean followed Izzy to the kitchen, startled as she whirled to face him and grab him in a tight, needy hug. Recovering from his shock he returned the favor, not sure who needed it more. He gave her a puzzled look as they drew apart, but she simply patted his cheek and began to give him directions for plating up the meal.

The meal was delicious and filling, and the room echoed with the children's innocuous chatter and laughter. Dean quietly observed his brother as he baited Luke to draw him back into the conversation when he seemed to withdraw, taking it in stride when Lucy decided his lap was the best seat for her. Sam would have made a great dad. Stirring abruptly, not sure where that thought came from but feeling deeply the emotional what-might-have-been, Dean struggled against his natural instinct to flee again. Glancing up then away, he registered that Sam had seen through him yet again, and for some reason that made him angry. A snide, unnecessary comment thrown his brother's way was the result and before long the brothers were sniping at each other. The tension between them went unnoticed by the younger generation, but the rest of the room was both aware and perplexed by the sudden atmospheric shift.

Sam, for his part, wasn't sure what set Dean off. Initially intending to take the high road, a barb hit a bit too close to home and with his defenses worn down by his illness, he found himself matching his brother in intensity and anger. I'm not your punching bag, Dean, he thought angrily. Izzy and Travis exchanged looks as the comments became more charged with hidden meanings, and a pointed glance at Jake and Juliette had them calling the kids to get ready to go play.

Chagrined that the conversation had devolved to the point where they felt the need to step away, Sam retorted to the latest sharp comment thrown his way with, "A nice way to repay your hosts for their hospitality, dude."

"Maybe it's time for us to take off then." Dean rejoined angrily, rising. "Maybe we've outstayed our welcome." He shut his mouth with a snap as soon as he said the words, knowing he was hurting not only his brother, but the whole McCormick family with his attitude. He refused to look up and make eye contact, knowing the looks he was receiving were disappointed ones.

"You can leave if you feel like it, Dean, but I'm staying." Sam replied heatedly as he too rose and faced his brother aggressively. "If you can't be bothered to care about the flesh-and-blood family physically right in front of you, then go sulk somewhere else. The way you're acting, maybe you know me about as well as the Sam you dreamed up in djinn-land."

Dean head snapped up and he stared at Sam, stung. He had been trying so hard to let go of the fantasy world. He did love and appreciate the people in his life, he just was still grieving…Sam knew that, but still threw it back in his face. What did he expect, magically he'd be just fine? "You know what? Screw you Sam!"

Turning on his heel, Dean stormed out of the house, climbing into the Impala and even going so far as to put the key in the ignition. "Damn it!" he shouted, then sighed deeply and leaned back against the seat, staring mindlessly at the landscape. Slouching down, he let all the anger and hurt wash over him and slowly seep away, finding a strange comfort in the car that had been his home more than any other place. He sat there for a long time, letting his mind wander. He returned in his mind to the djinn world, but found those memories getting jumbled up with his recent interactions with the McCormick family. Clinging stubbornly to the memory of his mom's touch on his cheek, he realized when he closed his eyes he saw Izzy, gently touching his cheek and checking with her eyes that he was okay. Thinking about Sam and Jess, the image of Sam with Lucy on his knee came unbidden. The conversation in the graveyard with - at - his Dad stirred a memory of sitting with Travis in the early morning, quietly at peace or exchanging news of the farm and daily happenings. Huh, he thought, found family…

"NO!" The screech from Lucy startled him, and Dean found her with her nose against the passenger window. Waving her in, confused by her upset face, he waited patiently as she settled in Sammy's spot, only curled up with her back against the door and her face a storm cloud of threatening tears.

"Whatever is the matter princess?" he asked, desperately hoping to avoid the tears.

"You can't leave! You can't leave Thammy! And you can't leave uth! Not without hugth and kitheth and I love youth" she wailed. He stared at her, perplexed as to why he thought he was leaving. Maybe she'd heard more of the stupid argument with Sam than he thought.

"I'm not leaving, sweetheart." he hurried to reassure her. "And why did you think I would leave without Sammy?"

"I heard you yelling," she said sadly, "I wath thuppothed to be getting my shoeth on. Thammy told you to go, and you left! Then he looked all thad and he went away too."

Ah. "Do you ever fight with your brother Lucy?"

Her face puckered. "Thometimeth, but I'm alwayth thad after."

"Me too." he agreed. "Sam and I fight from time to time, but we love each other, and we always have each other's backs. I'm not going anywhere without him."

"Becauth he'th family?"

"That's right."

"And you don't have any other family?"

Ouch, that one hurt a bit more than it should have. "Yes."

"NO!" Dean startled at her vehemence, staring at her in shock. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and he was again at a loss. Lucy slowly uncoiled and then surprised him by launching across the seat at him, pulling him into the biggest hug her little arms could do.

"Thatz not true," she stated, muffled by his jacket, "We are your family too. And we want you here." She pulled back slightly, her face stricken. "We love you, don't you love uth? Don't you want uth?" Dean's heart melted at her clearly heartfelt love and care for him, undeserved though he felt it to be. He gathered her carefully into his arms and hugged her firmly but gently to himself.

"Of course I want you, sweetheart. Of course you're my family." They sat snuggled for a bit, each soaking up all the love and solace the other was offering. Dean was surprised to find his heart lighter as they broke apart hearing the voice of Juliette calling for Lucy. She looked at him stubbornly, willing him to come with her. He stared back, ashamed to be called on the carpet by a six year old and not really wanting to face everyone, but nodded. He slipped out of the car, Lucy scrambling after, and then headed in to face the music. Lucy tucked her little hand in his and confidently led the way back to the kitchen where it appeared most of the adults had gathered for coffee and dominoes. All except Sam, who was conspicuously missing.

Pausing in the doorway as all eyes rose to meet him, Dean cleared his throat. "I- "

"Done with your tantrum?" Izzy interrupted calmly.

"Yes ma'am." he replied, chastened further. Looking around at the family he had gained, knowing he didn't deserve them, he hastened to add, "I'm very sorry. I should not have spoken as I did, I was way out of line."

"True." Travis replied. "We forgive you of course. That's what family does." He smiled a reprieve at Dean. "You owe your brother an apology too, though. My guess is he's up at the barn…it seems to be you boys go-to place to work through things."

"Your animals understand, Travis." Dean replied, "Although - a donkey? Really?"

"He was a rescue." Izzy chimed in. "He'd been left uncared for when a family across town moved. Was half-starved for food and love, jittery of people when we found him. He seems to be doing better now." Her eyes spoke volumes to Dean, and he smiled thankfully that she and Travis had the same attitude toward stray animals and stray lost boys alike. Nodding, he slipped out the back door and went once again in search of his brother.