She follows him in, watching as he makes his way to the kitchen and fills a glass of water from the kitchen tap. Downing the water, he sets it in the bottom of the sink and looks over at her.
"Did you guys have a fight or something," he asks.
She shakes her head a little too hard and is reminded of the drinks she had at the Pit. "I don't want to talk about him," she replies.
He leans back against the counter eyeing her thoughtfully. She wishes she could tell what was going on in his mind.
"Why are you here?" he asks.
She looks down at her hands and starts picking at her fingernails. She doesn't know where to start. She hadn't planned to come to him tonight. But the alcohol had given her a false sense of courage and now that she's here she may as well use this opportunity to her advantage.
"Tris?"
"I spent the day with Max," she starts. "I didn't realize how much goes on in leadership that most of us aren't aware of. I wonder if I was better off not knowing," she says, still looking down at her nails.
"What happened?"
She sighs and looks up at him.
"I shouldn't be here," she says truthfully. "I…I would be in big trouble if anyone found out I told you."
He looks at her with concern standing upright.
"Tris what is it?"
"I…how do I even tell you this?" If what Max and Eric think about Four being involved with the break in is true, then he already knows his mom is alive, but since she can't straight up accuse him, she figures starting with that information is the best way to open the conversation.
"Do you have anything to drink?" she asks. "Something strong?"
"What? Why?"
"I just think it'll be easier for you to hear this if you've had a couple of drinks."
He blinks and furrows his brow, looking her over.
"I think you may have already had a few," he states.
She nods. "Well, maybe you need to catch up to me then?"
He breaths in deeply through his nose and she can tell that he wants to say something, but instead, he turns and grabs a bottle and two glasses from the cupboard behind him.
He walks over to the island, sets down the glasses and pours a shot worth of brown liquid for each of them.
"When did you start drinking?" he asks, picking up the first glass and sliding the second one towards her. "I don't think I've ever seen you have more than one drink."
"I haven't…not really. Everyone was at the Pit, and…I was nervous about coming here so I may have had a drink…or two…or three…"
Her words aren't strictly speaking true, but the alcohol is what gave her the courage and she was nervous about talking to him.
"Are you sure you should –" he starts, but she cuts him off.
"Bottoms up," she encourages, grabbing her drink off the counter and downing it in one go.
He blinks slowly before following suit.
"Okay, now tell me what's going on."
"One more," she says, placing her glass down next to the bottle.
He narrows his eyes at her but complies. They take their second shots in silence, and she places her glass down next to the bottle once more.
He ignores it and looks at her, eyebrows raised, waiting for her to speak.
"This morning, Zane called Max and told him he had video footage he needed him to see. Since I was shadowing Max, he brought me with him to the control room. I hadn't really thought much about the control room. I mean, I know you work there but obviously I've never seen it. All those monitors. It's kind of overwhelming, you know?"
"What did you see Tris," he asks, overlooking her ramblings.
"I wasn't sure at first. It was a woman. She looked familiar but…it took me a while to place her. I'm certain now though, it was your mom…she…she's alive."
Four lets out a long, loud sigh and picks up the bottle and the glasses. He walks over to the couch and sets the glasses down, quickly pouring them each another shot. He picks up his glass and downs the brown liquid, immediately refilling it.
"I know."
She does her best to appear surprised.
"You know?"
He nods solemnly.
"How long have you known?" she asks, making her way over to the couch and sitting down next to him.
He takes a deep breath.
"She reached out to me about two years ago."
Tris' eyes grow wide, she was certain that he knew she wasn't dead, but she had no idea he had known for so long.
"You've known she's been alive all this time. The entire time we were together you knew?"
He nods towards her glass, encouraging her to take it.
She looks at the glass. She's already tipsier than she's ever been and she's sure the shots he's given her already will put her over the edge. She knows she was the one pushes the drinks only moments ago, but she doesn't want to waste this opportunity by being too drunk to remember their conversation. She shakes her head.
"I shouldn't. I'm already five drinks deep and I don't think those last two have hit me yet."
He nods and picks up her drink, finishing it off quickly and pouring another.
Tris wonders if she should be concerned about how quickly and easily, he's taking the shots. She figured a couple drinks would take the edge off, but he's managed to catch up to her in only a few minutes.
"When she first reached out to me, I met up with her. I needed to see for myself that it was really her," he starts, breaking her from her thoughts. "She claimed she wanted to try to have a relationship with me, as adults. She told me leaving Abnegation, leaving me, was the hardest thing she's ever had to do. She claimed she had intended to come back for me but could never figure out how to get me out. She wanted me to leave Dauntless and join her with the Factionless. The whole time she was talking I just kept thinking about how she left me alone with him. I was just a kid. She had to have known that when she left, he would transfer his anger to me. I couldn't get past that. Everything she said just seemed so hollow. I could barely look at her, so after that first meeting I pretended that it never happened and tried to convince myself she was still dead."
They sit in silence for a minute as Tris takes in what he's said, contemplating how best to proceed.
"Has she reached out to you since then?" she asks.
He nods his head.
"She continued to reach out. At first it was every few months and then her messages started coming more frequently. Every two weeks, then every week and finally I agreed to meet her again just to tell her in person to leave me alone."
He pauses and takes another shot.
"When I met up with her a few months ago she tried again to convince me to leave Dauntless and to join the factionless with her. She tried to convince me that we could be family. I told her I didn't need her, that she wasn't my family, and she never would be. I told her that I had you now and that you were going be my family, that I could see a future with you. I told her that we were in love and that one day we would get married, and we would have kids, and I would finally have a family that I deserve. The family that I always wanted."
Another pause. Another shot.
How many was he at now?
"She told me that I was being naive and that no one from Dauntless was going to love me the way that I wanted, that no one was going to give me the family that I wanted. I told her she was wrong and that she didn't know you. I yelled at her and I laughed. When I got home, that's when I brought it up wanting to get married and have kids with you."
He pauses and looks at her, searching her face for a reaction.
She didn't know what she was expecting from the conversation, but this wasn't it. Arguing over marriage and kids had been a major factor in their breakup. Finding out the reason he had brought it up suddenly wasn't even really about her but rather an attempt to settle an argument with his mother, a mother Tris didn't even know was alive at the time, was making her head spin. She points to her glass, silently requesting another. He complies and they both take a shot before he continues.
"I scared you. I could see it on your face immediately. But I needed to know that I was right. I needed to prove her wrong. I needed to know that you were going to be the family that I wanted…that I needed, but every time I brought it up after that it pushed you further and further away."
His eyes look glossy, and she wonders whether or not it's the alcohol or if…
"I should have just told you." He continues. "I should have explained what was going on. I should have tried to make you understand where I was coming from. But no, I just kept pushing and eventually I realized I had gone to far. That I had pushed you away and at that point I just felt like I had nothing left."
He pauses again and it's clear now that he is trying to hold back tears. She's never seen him this emotional before.
"So eventually I went back to her, and I told her I was ready to leave Dauntless and join the factionless for her. At first, she seemed so happy. She started talking about us being a family again and how she couldn't wait for me to leave Dauntless and be with her. She kept saying that she loved me and that she was so proud of me for making this choice. I let myself believe that she meant what she was saying," he says with a sad smile. "But then… she told me there was one thing that she needed me to do before leaving. I was stupid and naive, and I should have recognized that she was just manipulating me."
Tears start silently rolling down his cheeks and Tris reaches over and squeezes his hand.
"I agreed to do what she wanted. At the time it didn't seem like that big of a deal. Noone was going to get hurt and I chose to ignore that in the long run there would be consequences. But it didn't play out the way I thought it would, the way it was supposed to and someone did get hurt. And when I got back to her after it all happened, she didn't care. She didn't care that someone was hurt, she didn't care that I blamed myself, she was just pissed that she didn't get what she wanted from our deal. She was pissed off at me for screwing it up. And that's when I realized this was never about being a family. From the beginning, this was about what she needed from me. And like an idiot, I fell for her bullshit. She hasn't tried to contact me since that night."
His tears are coming fast and hard now, and Tris' own eyes begin to water.
"All I wanted to do was talk to you and explain it to you, but I felt so guilty for what happened and all we had been doing was fighting so I just shut down and I shut you out and a couple weeks later you broke up with me."
She doesn't know what to say. She'd come here hoping for confirmation of his part in the robbery, but she never expected him to be this emotional. Nor did she expect to gain clarity on their breakup. It made so much more sense to her now. Would they still be together had he just been honest with her at the time? She wonders.
Instead of speaking, she raises herself up onto her knees next to him on the couch and drapes her arms around his neck, pulling him into an awkward side hug. In response, he wraps his arms are around her waist, lifting her up and pulling her onto his lap, a leg bent on either side of him. She freezes, their new, intimate position startling her. Her mind briefly flits to Eric as she notes how inappropriate it feels to be straddling her ex-boyfriend while in a relationship…even if she's not sure where they stand.
Four's tears turn to sobs as he buries his face into the crux of her neck and, going against her better judgment, she tries to relax as she begins gently raking her fingernails through his hair, something she used to do whenever he would wake up shaking from a nightmare about his father.
She sits silently, allowing him to release the emotions he's clearly been holding in for weeks now. When his sobs quiet and his tears stop, he lifts his head from her shoulder and looks at her.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, embarrassed. "I can't believe I just dumped that all on you."
She shakes her head and lifts her hands to his face, instinctively using her thumbs to brush away the last of his tears. "Don't be sorry."
They stare at each other, lost in the moment, until Tris catches his eyes flitting down to her lips and she's suddenly reminded both of their position and his state of undress. It's barely noticeable, almost as though they are in slow motion, but he starts to move his face towards hers and she sure he's moving in for a kiss.
She moves fast, shifting her weight to one side and swinging her leg off of him. It's anything but graceful and her head spins at the speed of it, but she's successfully managed to avoid his advances.
She looks over at him tentatively, he seems startled by her sudden relocation but plays it off quickly, sitting up straighter on the couch.
"It's late." He says, looking at her curiously. "I have to work in the morning."
"I'll go," she says quietly. It's a bit sudden, and their exchange feels somewhat unfinished, but she's grateful he's giving her an excuse to leave.
"You could stay," he offers.
"What?"
"I just…it would be nice not to be alone right now."
She looks him over. His eyes are rimmed red from the tears, his hair is disheveled, and his shoulders slumped. He looks broken.
"I'm sorry, I…I don't think that's a good idea," she replies apologetically, forcing herself to ignore the part of her heart that is breaking for him.
She stands up quickly before she can change her mind. Maybe a little too quickly, because her vision goes black, and she stumbles backwards. Four stands up and grabs her forearms, steadying her. She blinks a few times until she regains her vision. She tries to take a step back from Four but she's unsteady on her feet and she stumbles again.
Was the room spinning like this a minute ago? She thinks to herself.
"Are you okay?" he asks, concerned.
She looks up at him. Why is there two of him?
"I think maybe you should sit down," he suggests. "I didn't realize you were this drunk."
She ignores his suggestion and shakes her head.
"I'm not that drunk…at least…I didn't think I was until I stood up," she responds gripping his forearms.
He nods in understanding.
"That can happen. It doesn't always hit you until you change positions."
She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, letting go of him and standing upright.
"I'm okay," she says unconvincingly. "I'll be fine."
She turns towards the door and stares at it. She's dizzy and the room is spinning. She takes two shaky steps before stumbling forward until she's able to steady herself on the door frame.
"I think it might be safer for you to stay," she hears his voice ring out from behind him.
She shakes her head.
"I should get home," she argues weakly.
"Please," he begs walking towards her. "You can't walk home like this. Stay. Sleep. Go home in a few hours once the alcohol wares off."
No, she needs to go. She can't spend the night here.
She shakes her head again.
"I don't trust you to make it home like this. Just stay." he pleads. "I want you to stay. You should stay."
She looks up at him.
"Please stay," he begs, looking back at her with sad, tired eyes.
"Okay," she concedes, defeated. She knows it's a terrible idea, but he looks so sad, and her Abnegation side gets the better of her. Besides, he's right, there's no way she's making it home in her current stare. "I'll stay."
He smiles and reaches out for her hand. She accepts it and before she can protest, he's leading her to his bed. She should argue, insist on sleeping on the couch, but the room is still spinning and suddenly she's too tired to speak so when he pulls the covers back for her, she crawls in without a second thought. He covers her with the blanket before getting in on the other side and within minutes they are both asleep.
The first time she wakes up, it is still dark out and it takes her a second to remember where she is. When she does, she wills herself to get up and leave, but she's shivering violently and the room hasn't stopped spinning, so instead, she scoots closer to the warmth on the other side of the bed. She stops short of touching him, but he shifts in his sleep, and she feels an arm wrap around her waist, pulling her flush against his bare chest. His body heat is exactly what she needs right now and as her shivers subside, she falls back asleep.
The next time she wakes up, the room is dimly lit by the rising sun and she's shivering again. Although less violently than the last time. She shifts in the bed and realizes she's alone. She lifts her head and scoots herself up against the headboard. The room is no longer spinning, but the pounding that's started in her head is no better.
She groans and searches the room for Four. He emerges from the bathroom, fully dressed, looking no worse for the ware despite having drank as much as her, if not more.
"Good morning," he says, walking over to her and handing her a glass of water and a painkiller. "How are you feeling?"
She blinks and accepts his offering without question, tossing the pill into her mouth and downing the glass of water.
"You may want to chill on the water," he says. "You need to hydrate, but your stomach might not be too happy with you."
She shakes her head.
"My stomach is fine, but my head is pounding."
"For now," he replies. "It doesn't always hit you right away."
"How come you seem fine?" she asks.
He chuckles.
"I'm a lot bigger than you are and I've been drunk enough times to build up a bit of a tolerance. Was that your first time?"
"Yeah," she says, nodding. "You never drank when we were together."
"Things change," he responds with a shrug.
They look at each other in silence for a moment before he speaks again.
"I have to get going. You're welcome to stay. There's hot coffee in the pot and some cereal in the cupboard."
She shakes her head.
"Thank you, but I should get home," she says swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and standing up.
"Oh god," she says quietly as a wave of nausea hits her and she starts shivering once more.
"I had a feeling that was going to happen."
"Why do people do this to themselves?" she asks candidly.
He gives her a sympathetic smile as she takes a step towards him, her body shaking from the absence of the blanket.
"Here," he says, pulling his sweatshirt over his head and handing it to her. "I think you need this more than I do."
She accepts it, putting it on immediately. Its warm and smells like him. Her mind is floods with memories of when they were still together.
"Thank you."
He nods in response.
They make their way to the door and when they are on the other side, he turns towards her.
"Are you okay to get home on your own? I'd walk you but I'm already running a bit late and with my suspension from training I can't really afford to mess up my job at the control room."
"I'll be fine."
He stares at her silently for a moment and she can tell he wants to say something.
"Tris…" he starts.
She waits patiently for him to continue.
"Never mind," he says shaking his head. "Are you going to be able to get some rest? Or do you have to go to work?"
"I'm off today."
"Good."
She expects him to head out, but he continues to look at her. She starts to feel uncomfortable under his watch. His eyes flit down to her lips, and she instinctively takes a step back from him.
"I guess I should go," he says awkwardly.
"Have a good day," she responds, quickly turning and walking in the direction of her apartment before he can say, or do, anything else.
The walk to her apartment feels like an eternity as she spends most of it trying to ignore the urge to puke. When she finally reaches her destination, she's surprised to find Eric knocking at her door.
Okie dokie, so Tris finds out a little more than she bargained for, but is this enough for Max to leave her alone? Did Four REALLY even confess properly to anything? What will Eric think about her spending the night? I guess we will find out!
Thanks for reading! I had a bit of a hard time writing this one. I think I managed to get everything out that I wanted but it feels a little clunky and I'm not sure if I built it up enough before Four word vomited all over her. Hopefully it felt like a natural enough progression to you guys.
I'm going to go ahead an attempt Eric's POV for the next chapter, if I don't find it works I'll just revert back to normal.
As always, thank you for reading and your comments are always appreciated!