CHAPTER 2 — Descension of the Divine

Five minutes later, and with great reluctance on my part, I was given the finest seat the humble village had to offer—a veeeery soft cushion, one so soft that it almost made me forget about my current situation—and a bowl of circular, mottled fruits that I'd never had before but recognized as Leppa Berries from pixelated memories. Since I was confident the villagers wouldn't poison me, I took a bite out of one and almost cried tears of joy. Delicious. They weren't exactly fresh, but they still beat having the same old fish or plants every day. The taste kind of reminded me of apples back home—

Wait, no, damn it! I was getting distracted here by blatant food bribery!

It didn't help that a group of villagers had followed me inside the closest hut. From their kneeling positions on the dirt floor, they watched me eat with reverent expressions.

Let me tell you, it was very uncomfortable as the one being observed. I hastily swallowed the last bit of Leppa Berry in my mouth.

Couldn't a Slowpoke eat in peace around here? Yeesh.

As if he'd been waiting for me to finish, the villager sitting closest to me bowed his head in greeting. He was an old man dressed in green robes far too large for his thin, frail body, but they looked like they were made of slightly nicer material than what the other villagers wore.

"Divine messenger, on behalf of our small village, I thank you for your benevolence," he uttered in a shaky, raspy voice. "You've saved these pitiful beings and shown us a kindness far beyond any that we deserve. Thank you!"

Hmm, maybe he was the village chief or something then? I hadn't really paid much attention to individual villagers before on past trips. My herd usually kept to themselves.

One by one, the people sitting behind him planted their foreheads on the ground in deep bows.

"Thank you, oh wise one!" they echoed in a chorus of voices. Some of them got up only to lurch their heads back and forth as they rubbed hands together in silent prayer. Mumbo jumbo I couldn't make heads or tails of was chanted under their breaths.

Honestly, it kind of freaked me out.

People! I wanted to scream. If I had hair left, I would have ripped it out from frustration. Unfortunately, I had a shiny, pink, and very much bald head. No hair to rip. I had nothing to do with this! It just happened to rain while I was yawning!

Oblivious to my internal suffering, the old man continued talking. "Such size and grace as you walk… To bend the skies with your mighty call and summon lifewater, you must be a most powerful and cherished servant of the gods! We are honored to be in your presence."

I wanted to groan. Outside, the gentle pitter patter of rain against wood helped soothe the massive headache I felt coming on. It was almost as if I was a Psyduck and not a Slowpoke.

Look, I was pretty sure this was just normal rain with convenient timing after a long ass drought, but—

Hmm.

Hmmmmm.

Well… Actually…

Okay, now that I thought about it, that did seem kind of odd. Something didn't add up here. I mean really, rain that suddenly fell after seventy-nine days of zilch, nada, nothing? At the time of me randomly passing by no less?

As the villagers babbled on in the background and heaped praises onto my being, I kept a dopey smile on my face while my mind whirled frantically with thoughts.

Legendaries, it was like there was reverse gaslighting kind of sorcery going on here.

Was it actually a coincidence, or were the villagers right? I was starting to think that maybe I HAD summoned the rain after all. Did I secretly bust out a Rain Dance without knowing?

Did I? Had I? No way, right?

It had been a few years since I was reborn in this world, but I wasn't really that adept with Water type moves yet. Nothing advanced at least. I'd focused more on my Psychic powers so I could keep my own accursed mind in a sharper, clearer state when I needed it to be. I hadn't exactly trained to be the strongest either—just enough to survive and fend off assholes who went after my herd. Whatever I learned, I learned out of necessity. It came with a lot of trial and error.

How to kill fish for sustenance while minimizing blood spray? Boom, turn the tip of my tail into a psychic spear.

How to avoid getting kidnapped by a Pelipper while cloud-watching? Throw up a psychic barrier and let my mind drift away for hours on end while birds pecked uselessly outside.

How to scratch the maddening itch on my back that I couldn't reach with my stubby legs or tail? Grab a twig with Psychic and turn it into a decent back scratcher. Good stuff.

The point was this: all my learned skills were things helpful to me and my herd's ordinary life.

Summoning rain had never really crossed my mind because it was so useless for Pokemon that lived near water in the first place. I'd never taught myself Rain Dance. I didn't know Rain Dance.

Except… what if I did?

What if I'd subconsciously activated Rain Dance somehow?

Was I… stronger than I thought I was?!

The moment I entertained that thought, I instantly swatted it away like a pesky fly. Nah, that couldn't be.

…Or could it?

Gah! I didn't know anymore!

Regardless if it was a fluke or something out of my control, this situation needed to be handled properly. I eyed the villagers still bowing and praying to me without end. Was it fine to let them go on believing I was some sort of divine Slowpoke, or was it better to nip things in the bud and 'fess up? I didn't take any particular pleasure in being worshiped—

Ah.

A sudden, terrible itch on my hind leg had me pausing physically in place.

Oh, this was a real bad one. Very itchy.

My derpy face scrunched with displeasure as I got up from lying on the cushion to try and scratch it somehow—

"Have mercy on us!"

"Have we displeased you, divine one?"

"Is it the seat? Does it not suit your tastes?"

Gasps of horror and concern rang out one after another. People stared at me as if I'd killed their firstborn children.

"Quick!" the old man yelled hoarsely. "Someone go fetch more cushions from my house! And make sure you don't get them wet!"

"I'll go!"

"Me too!"

Not one, not two, but three different people scrambled to their feet. They threw the sliding doors wide open and ran out into the rain. The villagers waiting and gathering rain into jars outside peeked in with nervous expressions.

I was more concerned about something else.

No! Not my soft, fluffy wuffy cushion! I cried as a woman tried to take the item they believed had offended me away. Sure, it was way too small to fit my whole chonky body, but I still liked it!

I smacked my tail loudly against the wooden part of the floor in a warning gesture. The woman instantly retracted her hand as if she'd been bitten.

She then laid flat against the ground in a bow.

"Forgive me! Forgive me!" she apologized over and over again.

Oops, I didn't think she would be that terrified. Was I that scary? Me, a Slowpoke?

Nope, screw everything else for a moment. I needed to scratch myself real bad. The itch was still there. My facial features twisted further with unrestrained agony as I angled my tail to scratch a small spot on my hind leg.

"W-What do we do, chief? The messenger looks angrier than before now!"

"Where on earth are those fools?" the old man yelled. "How are they not back yet with more cushions? What if the messenger makes the rain stop?!"

Dunno, don't care. The rain is your problem. I got an itch to scratch, and… I… can't… reach… it! I thought to myself with a loud grunt, tail still trying to locate the exact spot that needed scratching.

That single grunt sent the villagers into further chaos.

"Did you hear that? The messenger roared at us!"

"Where are those damn cushions?!

"Maybe it's the food! Someone bring more food for the messenger!"

"Bring the freshest fruits we have!"

People ran around like headless chickens.

"C-Chief, we're back! We've brought the cushions!" The villagers who'd left a minute ago hurriedly came back into the hut sopping wet. In their arms were straw baskets covered with cloth.

"Quickly! Take out the cushions and offer them to the messenger!"

"Pardon? Which ones?"

"ALL OF THEM!" the village chief roared with vigor unbefitting his old age.

People with drier hands grabbed the baskets, practically ripped them open, and then hurriedly pulled out their contents. They approached me while bowing at the waist and carefully set down cushions around my body with shaking fingers. Other villagers came bearing more plates of fruits and added those to my fast-growing shrine.

My face melted with relief right as they finished, and it was because the tip of my tail had finally located the itch on my leg. Said itch disappeared with some vigorous scratching.

Ah… now that hits the spot, I mused out loud with a smile, and I perked up further once I realized there were new additions on the floor around me. Huh? Where did all these cushions and fruits come from? Wow… wait a sec. These are pretty dang soft. I like them.

A pleased sigh left my mouth as I laid on the ground once more, this time in a bed of cushions. There were enough of them for my whole body.

I wasn't the only one who sighed. The villagers wore relieved expressions as they breathed out loud together.

"Look, the messenger is joyful again!"

"Thank goodness…"

"It was the seats and fruit offerings after all!"

"Forgive us for our ignorance, divine messenger. We did not mean to incur your wrath," the old man spoke mournfully, and I snapped out of my cushion-induced drowsiness to pay attention. The village chief hung his head low with shame. "It was our fault for not offering you the proper hospitality you seek. We beg of you to take mercy on our shortcomings. We will endeavor to meet your every need from now on. Please, don't go back to the heavens! Our people need rain!"

Say what now? Who exactly was going back to the heavens?

Me? I blinked furiously.

Arceus, this person's imagination was a wild one.

Uh… There are a couple different misunderstandings in there, I was just scratching an itch… I wasn't mad.

Once again, I was reminded of the interesting situation I was in. The old man continued as I blinked.

"Upon our village's honor, we will procure the most delicious fruits and berries for you henceforth. Everything we have is yours. You need but ask, and we will do our best to give you whatever you require for a pleasant stay in the mortal realm," the old man fervently pleaded. "We beg of you, please stay here and bless us with words from the gods."

Again, I wasn't actually a divine Slowpoke, but it was the rest of what he said that caught my attention.

Calculations blitzed through my mind at record speed like a certain meme from my old world.

A constant, free supply of food that WASN'T boring fish or plants.

As many cushions as I wanted to make sleeping and lazing around more enjoyable.

A permanent base of operations for me and my herd. No more tiresome, yearly migrations.

Best of all, human servants to act as my hands and feet! Er, claws. I could eventually talk with them through telepathy, but I could start by conversing with them through writing! As much as I loved my herd and found conversations with wild Pokemon interesting, it wasn't the same as trying to talk to a member of my former species. I might have fully accepted becoming a Pokemon a long time ago, but there would always be some lingering affection for humankind.

These villagers thought I was a messenger sent by the gods way up high. They thought I could summon rain.

Both were false, but they didn't have to be.

I just had to make them come true—become a so-called divine Slowpoke that could call rain for the villagers.

Easier said than done, but I could always iron out the details later. Nothing a training arc couldn't fix… right?

I could just BS my way there until then. Considering how gullible these villagers were, that didn't seem like it'd be too difficult.

I probably sounded like a terrible Slowpoke, but I would do whatever it took to ensure a happy, easy life for me and my herd. No actual harm came to the villagers out of all this anyway. They got to happily believe in and worship a chonky gal like me, and I got to laze around with food and comfort handed to me on a silver platter.

This was my second life, and I was determined to enjoy it to the fullest.

A dopey smile stretched across my face.

Very well, Azalea Village. You want a divine messenger?

Then prepare to be bamboozled.

You got one right here.

As of this moment, I was officially a Slowpoke who'd come down from the heavens.

Author's Note: And so it begins. Kekeke!