Author's notes: Hi! Thank you for reading, and thank you for coming back if you read either of the previous chapters! I was surprised and grateful for every view on the story stats, and someone even left a fav – I was honoured!

I actually don't know what genre this fic should be listed as, and I keep changing it. It'll be easier once I get an AO3 account and I can post it there with loads of tags!

This chapter(s) will be more like "world-building". Misato and Fuyutsuki will each bring us up to speed with what happens between the Kaworu incident and the, uh, LCL explosion scenes. I obviously put my cards on the table and more or less said in the description that this fic assumes nobody turned into LCL, so I'm the proud owner of a plot hole that I will now try and write my way out of! Yay!

It's kinda long, but I hope it's not too boring to read!

Mature rating: contains analysis of the kiss from The End of Evangelion.

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DATE:

SUBJECT:

CONTENTS:

The End (of Misato)

The End (of Fuyutsuki's Career)

M. KATSURAGI

It's a cliché, isn't it, to have your life flash before your eyes? And yet, as I drift toward eternal sleep on this concrete floor, my brain is indeed playing a montage of today's events. I'm grateful for it, in a way, it's a small distraction from the two horrible contrasts I'm experiencing. The contrast between the cold concrete and the disgusting warmth of my blood. The contrast between the wooziness, that would herald the best sleep ever if it didn't come from blood loss, and the searing, unignorable bullet-wound agony that could keep me awake for the rest of my days (if I were to have any more days).

Shinji. The little shit. I can't believe how hard it was to convince him to get into the Eva. You'd think that if someone was bleeding to death in front of you and they asked you for a favour (not even to do something important like pilot a giant robot to defend people), you'd humour them, right? Although, maybe he believed me when I said I was okay and it wasn't as bad as it looked. Why are men such idiots?

Speaking of stupid men, I guess I'll see Kaji again soon if both of us go to the same place… I wonder if he'll say the words to me that he said he couldn't say eight years ago, whatever they are. Actually, last time I was in bed with him, I realised that there was something I wanted to pluck up the courage to tell him. I wonder if it was the same thing?

Anyway, today started as a day like any other – well, like any other in this new "living hell" version of life. Up early. Can of coffee – I can't taste any happiness in a morning beer anymore, so I may as well start with some caffeine – and some fish for Pen Pen. Shower. Drive to work.

I was sick of being lied to. Kaji told me that the truth was with me, that I need to keep going and not look back. I was in my car, where I sat last night and mulled over the bits of the truth I'd found out so far. The Seele group. The Human Instrumentality Project. The Third Impact. It angered me, and to be honest, I was also a little bit afraid of things to come. But I was still sick of being lied to, I needed the rest of the truth, and so I was back in my car; heading to work, heading to Nerv HQ's server room, heading to find out what really happened during the Second Impact.

As much as I can't stand Ritsuko anymore, I know that what Kaji did with her user account details was wrong. But I was so grateful for it, and for the info I'd gleaned from Hyuga, when I found what I was looking for. I could hear my own heartbeat as I read, somehow louder than all the whirring fans and electrical buzzing. When my connection was suddenly cut off, I thought someone else had heard my heart booming too. But no, it was just HQ going onto Level One alert. The universe had obviously decided to send us something else. I headed for Central Dogma, business as usual, and found out from Hyuga that the UN had washed its hands of Nerv and passed us over to the Japanese government. Sounded great!

By the time I entered the Command Centre, things had gotten worse. I had my suspicions when I saw Fuyutsuki on the bridge rather than observing from the royal box. Seele was trying to bring us down by using the other Nerv branches' Magi copies to hack the Magi. Even Fuyutsuki looked perturbed, but then we all hear Ibuki put the phone down and call out to us. Somebody had brought her beloved Ritsuko out of time out to patch a firewall somewhere.

Unfortunately, the blonde bitch was only able to buy us four minutes because it turned out a cyber invasion was only Seele's plan A. We were stormed by the JSSDF, and at this point I thanked God for making me choose coffee over beer. Trying to think on my feet, I gave orders for most personnel to evacuate, and for Tactical and Ops to back up the security guards and apply their terror attack response training.

My little army. Like lambs to the slaughter. Most of them had barely handled a weapon since they graduated, and their former classmates were here to gun them down. I tried to pretend I didn't know that. I think we all did.

I turned to Fuyutsuki. "Seele wants the Evas for Third Impact, right?" He looked slightly surprised, and I remembered I wasn't supposed to know that. Whoops. "So it would make sense for the JSSDF soldiers to go after the pilots so nothing gets in the way. Vice-Commander, may I have permission to station the pilots inside their Evas? I think this will be the safest course of action."

Fuyutsuki nodded. "Permission granted."

I rushed over to Hyuga and Aoba to start organising Asuka's transfer from her hospital bed to Unit-02's entry plug. Commander Ikari took his leave at this point, which surprised me because I hadn't even noticed his presence in the room. I would have to take my own leave shortly to collect Shinji as I strongly suspected he would be moping around the apartment. I had no idea what to do about Rei; nobody knew where she was. Although I cared about her safety as much as the other two's, I just couldn't think about a third person. I think panic was starting to seep into my brain at this point. I tried to tell myself that Rei wasn't as human as the rest of us and Nerv probably had specific protocols for her, but I still felt bad.

Unexpectedly, I had barely got my car keys out of my pocket when I came across Shinji in the corridor. He was seconds away from having his brains blown out at point-blank range by a smarmy-looking soldier who told him, "Nothing personal, kid." I couldn't believe I'd arrived just in time! I decided to blow the soldier's brains out. "Nothing personal, kid," I said to my victim. I had hoped Shinji would think Misato-san was badass for this, but he just looked terrified. I grabbed him. "We're going to the car."

I told him everything as we drove to the Eva cage, and he said nothing. "He's suicidal again, isn't he?" I thought to myself. "For God's sake!" He sat on the ground when we got out of the car and I had to physically drag him across the asphalt. I just needed him to be a little bit more cooperative at this difficult time when ninety percent of the people beyond the car park were running for their lives.

We got into HQ proper, and thankfully Shinji was on his feet this time as I (running) led him (by the wrist) to the emergency elevator for Unit-01's cage. I had the worrying feeling that this was the most I was going to get from him. I tried to ignore it.

I couldn't ignore it for long, and I gave him a piece of my mind. A big piece of my mind. I knew as I was shouting at him that it might have been the least helpful thing I could do in this situation, but I couldn't stop myself. I think stirring up some rage injected him with the energy to match my pace a little, though, which was good.

We reached the locked door for the elevators and someone opened fire on us, which is why I lie here dying. God! Who am I, Ritsuko!? Why are my last thoughts so sarcastic?

In a way, we were lucky because we were still able to open the door and get through it, and obviously have it close behind us. It was quite weird, getting shot. It seemed to happen in stages. I heard the gunshot and felt pain, then I realised I'd been shot, then the agony began. They got me in the side, just below my ribcage. I think that might be my stomach, or my liver?

I don't suppose it matters, really.

I thought I was going to play it cool, but I found myself sliding down the wall after the door closed. I saw Shinji trying to process the image, but he had work to do. I told him I was fine and stood up. The light-headedness was so awful I thought it was the precise moment of my death, but I lived and made it over to the elevator shaft.

I pressed the call button and the elevator door opened to reveal a safety fence. I had never been so happy to see a fence and I grabbed it with both hands to take the weight off my legs. Shinji was between me and the fence, so I ended up unintentionally cornering him, but maybe the intimidating stance would make me more persuasive. I sensed the possibility of a "classic Shinji" moment, so I was going to motivate him out of it. Motivating him out of it meant business as usual, and business as usual meant not letting him figure out that I was dying. I might not have said that in the right order. It's a bit hard to think right now.

I got him out of his Classic Shinji Moment. But it was hard. He said I was a stranger who didn't really know him. He wanted to talk about how pathetic he was. And the rest. Shinji-kun, do you know how hard it is to have someone stand in front of you and choose not to try anymore when you're dying a death you didn't ask for?

I'm never going to see him again.

My boy…

When my father was about to pack me off to safety before he left to die, he took off the cross he always wore and gave it to me.

When I was about to see Shinji off before I allowed myself to die, I took off the cross he always wore and gave it to Shinji.

The father's love that the daughter never thought about.

The daughter's fondness and protectiveness for the boy who wasn't the grandson; the boy living under her roof; her best pilot; her personal chef; the sensitive, sometimes sweet, soul.

Not her father's grandson. Fondness. Protectiveness. Love?

I leaned over to kiss Shinji on the forehead and missed. Tongue in mouth. I'm glad I won't live to hear the end of it. I think it was because he's a young man, and a young man is a man, and there's only one type of love I know how to show to a man. I guess?

I'm ashamed to say this, but once I got over my initial horror, I really went for it, for two reasons. One is that I love a good kiss, it's my biggest weakness, and I was dying. One last tongue-in-mouth session before the bitter end. I don't have any painkillers, so is it really so bad to have one final pleasant experience while I die? The second is, in short: Shinji is a teenage boy. I thought getting him all hot and bothered would increase my persuasiveness a hundredfold. My finishing move was the icing on the cake! I told him that that was how adults kiss and there would be more in store for him when he got back. At that moment, not only was he stunned, but the elevator arrived and he stumbled into it backwards!

It would have been hilarious if everything didn't hurt so much. I hope his horniness propelled him into that Eva and made him fight.

Over and out.

Be good, Pen Pen!