Notes: I changed the number of expected chapters on AO3 (from 6 to 7) because I finally remembered that this will have an epilogue.

Blue Marble
Chapter 5

Mahiru wasn't in love with Amami. Not yet. She had simply come to the conclusion that if, by chance, she did start to fall for him, well, she wouldn't try to fight it.

It seemed like a ridiculous conclusion to come to, when she thought about it. Why would she ever want to deny her own emotions in the first place? That wasn't the kind of girl that she was.

So maybe it wasn't so much that she decided not to fight it, but more that she had accepted that there was a definite possibility of it even being there for her to consider fighting.

In any case, while it was a lot easier to be around Amami after coming to that realization, there was another reason for her to be on edge, less potent than her initial feelings towards the boy the first but still present.

Regardless of how her feelings towards Amami eventually developed, Mahiru already knew that she wanted to let him know that they were soulmates.

After days of denying that it would be something she would ever speak about with him, though, she had no idea how to bring the subject up. She liked to think that she wasn't one for beating around the bush, that she could be blunt and straightforward, but then wouldn't she have to explain that she had known for days? And then she'd have to explain why she had sat on that knowledge for so long? That was... a bit embarrassing. She had at least grown fond enough of Amami that the thought that at some point she hadn't liked him at all was... well, it was humiliating. Besides that, she didn't want to hurt him. That was something that was better off never being mentioned, and she was fine with forgetting that those few days of resentment towards the boy ever existed. But the fact was that they had occurred, and they had resulted in Mahiru staying silent for longer than she could explain otherwise.

She wanted to tell Amami that they were soulmates. He must have noticed that his own soulscript had manifested, after all, and he must be wondering who it was. He didn't let that worry appear on his face—in fact, Mahiru mused as she gazed up at him on New Year's Eve, the two of them watching the fireworks being shot off from shore, he seemed perfectly content and at ease. That was a face that she liked seeing on him, she decided. If it was hiding some sort of worry, some sort of panic, then she hoped that telling him that she was his soulmate would turn that expression genuine.

She hoped that he would like the idea of her being his soulmate as much as the concept had grown on her.

She had been staring for a bit too long, she realized, when Amami's eyes met hers and he grinned, shifting his arms against the deck railing to be a bit closer to her eye level. "Something on my face?" he joked.

Flushing, Mahiru turned away, pretending to focus on keeping her camera steady. "Your face is a bit green, is all," she huffed. "I was wondering if it was reflecting the fireworks or if you were seasick or something."

Amami laughed, punctuated by a delayed, muted boom from the fireworks. "Seasick, huh? I spend so much time on boats that I don't really get seasick anymore. If anything, I get landsick."

"Landsick?"

"Yup." Amami raised a hand and mimed the action of undulating waves. "Spend enough time on a boat, and once you set foot on steady land it feels like you're rocking."

"Like an earthquake?"

"Hmm, it's more like a gradual swaying. It literally just feels like the rocking of the seas, except you're on land."

"Oh..." Mahiru considered that. "I guess that makes sense."

"Yup." Amami grinned down at her. "But I do always keep seasickness medicine on me, so in the unlikely event that it does happen I think I'm all set."

She raised an eyebrow. "Why do you carry medicine that you don't need?"

"Force of habit. Some of my sisters get seasick pretty bad when they go boating with me, so I want to always have it on hand."

"You sisters..." That's right, Amami had mentioned them at some point early on. "How many sisters do you have, anyway?"

Amami laughed. "Twelve."

Mahiru nearly dropped her camera in shock. "Wha— Twelve?! You're joking!"

"Nah." He gazed back out at the horizon. "They're all from different moms, but I really do have twelve younger sisters. Dad's a little, you know."

"Different moms?!" Mahiru gaped at him. "But... they can't all be your father's soulmates?"

Amami gave a wry laugh. "You don't need to be soulmates to create a child."

"Well, sure, but..." Mahiru trailed off, unsure of what sort of argument she was trying to make, so in lieu of any she let a lull fall between them.

Amami was the one to break the silence. "You brought up non-romantic soulmates before," he started. "Well, my dad's soulmate is his business partner. They've done an amazing job building their business together, but they've never been romantically interested in each other. So, no, none of the women my father has had kids with have been his soulmate."

"I see," she said thoughtfully. "And you..." She trailed off again, unsure of what she wanted to say.

"Hmm?" Amami looked down at her, his smile soft. "What about me?"

What about him? Mahiru genuinely had no idea how to continue. They were on the subject of soulmates again, making it a decent jumping-off point for Mahiru to tell Amami he's her match, surely, but... how should she work up to that? Should she ask him what sort of relationship he was hoping to have with his soulmate? What kind of person he was hoping to be matched with? She wanted to know, but she was afraid to hear the answer, because, well... she certainly wouldn't have described Amami if she had been asked the same beforehand.

She didn't want him to hate her, she suddenly realized.

He definitely didn't seem to hate her now, but would that change after he found out? Would he be upset at her for not telling him earlier? It would be best to explain why she kept quiet before the reveal, but how could she do that?

"You... you sure you're not seasick?" She chickened out, averting her gaze to stare firmly at her camera. "I mean... just... I don't know. You look a little out of it."

"Hmm." Amami shifted on the railing next to her. "I feel fine, but if you say so, maybe I should head in for some rest already?"

Mahiru considered this, leaning almost imperceptibly closer to him; not touching, but close enough to feel the body heat radiating off of him. "Well," she said, focusing intently on the fireworks in the distance, "maybe you don't have to head in just yet."

Amami laughed. "Then I'll stay out here a bit longer."

And if Mahiru wasn't imagining things, it seemed like he moved a little bit closer, too.

"You know, why do you dress the way you do?"

Amami looked at her from over his shoulder, pausing for a moment. "The way I dress?"

They had broken off from the tour group again, but not for any hidden civilization this time; they were simply exploring other parts of the forest, careful to stay on established paths but taking a slightly less-traveled route than the one the tour group was on. Mahiru didn't mind so much that all they were going to find was wildlife this time. She was more interested in learning more about her soulmate.

"You know, all... that," she said, gesturing at him vaguely. "The baggy clothes and accessories, all the piercings you have... it makes you look like..."

"Like some kind of playboy?" He gave her a wry grin. "I'm guessing that's what you thought of me when we first met?"

Mahiru flushed, turning red behind her freckles. "I... It's not like I—"

"It's fine." Amami resumed leading her along the path, holding a hand behind him in case she felt the need to grab him for balance. "I know that's the impression I give to people. It's led to some uncomfortable interactions in seedier parts of the world."

Mahiru frowned. "Then why?"

Shrugging, he answered, "I just like dressing like this. Isn't that enough? I mean, I wouldn't ask you why you dress the way you do."

Her blush returned with a vengeance. "Well I... I mean..." She sighed. "You're right, sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."

Amami shrugged again. "It's fine. Like I said, I know I give off the wrong impression, so I get why you'd want to know." He scuffed a sneaker against a large rock, clearing it of some moss. "Wanna take a break here for a bit and see what comes our way?"

Mahiru nodded, settling atop the rock next to Amami. "But if a jaguar comes for us, you're going to act as bait."

"Ouch, that stings," Amami laughed. "You wouldn't hesitate at all to sacrifice me?"

"Nope." Maybe just a bit. "It's the man's job to protect the woman, after all."

"Touché. Let's hope we're not on anyone's menu today, then."

They fell into silence then, listening to the symphony of bird calls and insects chirping all around them. Mahiru fiddled with her camera, ready to snap any shots at a moment's notice. She resisted the urge to take a picture of Amami; she already had more than plenty from the day before, and the thought made her cheeks burn with embarrassment. "Hey, Amami?"

"Hmm?"

Mahiru tapped absently at the controls to her camera's display. "Tell me about your sisters."

"My sisters?" Amami hummed thoughtfully. "Let's see... I have two who are about the same age as you. Kikue's about to graduate high school."

"In the same grade as you?"

"She's barely a month younger than me. Different moms, remember." Amami grinned mirthlessly. "Renna's in the same grade as you. You'd probably get along."

"Because we're the same age?"

"It's not just that, of course." He laughed. "She has her wits about her and doesn't let me get away with things the others give me a pass on."

"Sounds like we would get along."

"Hey now."

Mahiru giggled cheekily and gave his arm a good-natured nudge.

"Next... Kyoka's a first-year in high school, but she's still as attached to me as she's always been. Fujina's been really on-edge lately—she actually hung up on me when I called to wish her a happy new year this morning. She should ease up after she gets the results of her high school entrance exams, though."

"Ahh, that's a tough time."

"Yeah, I don't fault her for being short right now." Amami shrugged easily. "Then there's Ayame, she's soft-spoken and has been struggling to adjust to junior high school. Rise is going through a rebellious stage right now, she'll barely even talk to me when I call. Tsubaki and Aono—"

"You really have twelve sisters, huh?" She stared up at him, eyes as wide as saucers in response to the seemingly endless stream of names.

Amami laughed. "That, or I'm just really good at making this all up on the fly. Pretty sure it's the former." He grinned, then continued. "Tsubaki and Aono are both ten and are starting to get interested in cosmetics—or Aono is, at least. Tsubaki is five months older and gets insecure when Aono has more 'adult' interests, so she just goes along with it. I've promised to do both their nails the next time I'm home."

"You do nails?" Mahiru was frankly impressed that a boy would even be interested in such things.

Amami chuckled. "I used to be Kikue's test dummy when she was learning, and I sort of picked up the techniques from her. Then the girls never stopped asking me to do their nails, and here we are. Why? Want me to do yours?"

She flushed, hurriedly shaking her head. "N-no, that's not—!"

"Good, 'cause I didn't bring any polish on the cruise." He smiled warmly at her. "But maybe later, when I come back to Japan sometime. Just let me know and I'll do them for you."

Later, in Japan... Mahiru's face burned. She hadn't put much thought at all to what her life would look like with a soulmate, but... The thought of Amami remaining in her life past the cruise, past the extension... "H-having siblings sounds nice," Mahiru stuttered out as a way of distraction. "Though twelve of them might be a bit much..."

Amami hummed thoughtfully. "You're an only child, right? Asaka-san never mentioned anyone else."

"Yeah, it's just me." She looked down at her hands, beginning to idly fiddle with her camera again. She wasn't sure how much she wanted to share, especially speaking to a boy, but... this boy was her soulmate, so... "Honestly, I'm kind of shocked that I even happened at all."

"Do your parents not get along?" He shifted to lean back on his hands, his knee nudging Mahiru's as he moved. "I know Asaka-san is rarely home, and when she talks about her family she only mentions you. But she is married, right?"

"Don't tell Mom about I said this," Mahiru prefaced, then hesitated, staring intently at her camera. Was she really going to tell him? It was a thought that she had never even voiced aloud, and yet... "I don't think my parents ever had any business being romantically involved, much less married. They should have stayed platonic. I'm pretty sure they only got married because it's what society expects of soulmates."

Amami hummed thoughtfully as he processed this. "So is that why...?"

"Huh?" Mahiru tore her eyes from her camera to look up at him.

"No, it's nothing. Sorry, keep going."

"Yeah." She looked down again, sighing. "I've never asked Mom, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't still be married to Dad if divorce wasn't such a legal pain for soulmate pairs."

"Have you considered talking to Asaka-san about this at all?" he asked.

Mahiru groaned, swaying in place a bit. "Mom's always been big on only showing me the good in life; if I ask about something I suspect is bothering her she'd just deny it. Even if it's something as big as this." She picked at a piece of lint on her camera strap. "It's not like talking about it would change anything, anyway. They're already divorced in every sense but legal."

"Gotcha. Well, as long as it's not eating you up to keep that all inside."

"Nah." She put her camera aside and looked up at him, giggling slightly. "I mean, I've told you now, haven't I?"

Amami chuckled. "Well, then I'm flattered to have been chosen as your confidant."

"I wouldn't say confidant," Mahiru clarified, huffing slightly. "You just happened to be the person around when I felt like talking about it, that's all."

"I see."

They were silent for a moment, simply sitting side-by-side as they took in the nature surrounding them, all the chirps and squeaks and rustling of the forest wildlife.

"Koizumi-san," Amami finally said quietly, leaning close to her. "Look up there." He tilted his head in the direction of the trees, towards a small group of tiny brown-and-black figures with distinctive white faces jumping between the branches.

"Squirrel monkeys," Mahiru breathed, recognizing them immediately.

"Come on." Amami began standing up slowly and carefully, not wanting to chase off the monkeys, and he held a hand out to help her up. "Let's see if we can get you some good shots."

And after a brief moment of consideration, Mahiru took his hand and followed, smiling.

A bit after returning to the cruise ship late that afternoon, Mahiru could tell that something was wrong. She was feeling out of sorts; her vision was swimming, it felt like a struggle to keep her head upright, and the tea she was sipping sat coolly and uncomfortably in her stomach.

Shinguji was quick to notice. "Are you quite all right, Koizumi-san?"

"Hmm?" Mahiru tore her gaze from the teacup up to look directly up at the taller boy, pushing through the effort that it took to do so, and then let her gaze fall to Amami and then her mother in turn, noticing that they also had their eyes on her. "I'm fine," she insisted, not wanting to cause concern.

"Are you sure?" Asaka peered closely at her daughter's face, reaching over to gently brush her bangs from her face. "You do look a little pale, and— Oh, honey, you're sweating."

"She might be seasick," Amami offered, leaning in closer to have a look as well.

"I'm not seasick," Mahiru said, trying to wave off the attention. "I've been on this ship for almost a week now, haven't I? Why would I get seasick now and not before?"

"It's somewhat unusual, but not unheard of," Shinguji said. "Sometimes the seas are cruel later in the trip."

"It might have been caused by the Zodiac ride this afternoon. The waves were a bit rough."

Mahiru flushed, frustrated that she couldn't get their attention off of her. "Seriously, can you guys stop? I'm fine, and I don't need you all fretting over me."

"Are you sure?" Asaka let her fingertips dance across Mahiru's forehead again. "Don't force yourself if you're feeling sick, Mahiru. Do you think you can stomach dinner?"

Mahiru wanted to insist that yes, she was perfectly fine to eat, and if anything it may help with the dizziness—but suddenly the thought of food made her stomach lurch, and she tried not to let it show on her face.

"Oh dear," Asaka tutted, reading her expression perfectly fine.

"She best get some rest," Shinguji said evenly, standing up from their table. "And some medicine. Amami-kun?"

"Gotcha." Amami dug into the deep pockets of his cargo pants and extracted a blister packet of tablets, sliding them across the table to Mahiru. "Told you I keep them on hand, didn't I?"

Mahiru took the blister pack delicately, noting how warm the foil felt from being in Amami's pocket—and then instantly feeling silly for making such an observation in the first place.

"If you don't trust medicine from me, you can wait until you're safe in your room to take them," Amami laughed. "Or I'm sure Asaka-san brought some of her own."

Mahiru's head whipped up, and she swallowed a wince from the movement. "I— That's not what I—"

"Here." Shinguji returned after a quick trip to the bar and placed a small stack of crackers in front of Mahiru, along with a plastic cup of ginger ale. "Eat these before you take the medicine, if you can. It's better to have something in your stomach."

She nodded, dutifully swallowing the dry crackers and chasing them with a sip of ginger ale. It didn't do much to make her feel better, and she sighed, resigning herself to getting some rest. "Um... I guess I will be heading back to the cabin, then, so..."

"I'll take you there," Amami offered, standing up and striding over to her seat. "Can you stand on your own?"

Mahiru had been halfway to doing just that, but the concern from the boy made her cheeks grow warm, and with it came a fresh wave of dizziness. "I— uh," she stammered, wavering on her feet.

"I gotcha." Amami placed a grounding hand on her shoulder, using his other hand to pick up the cup with the rest of the ginger ale. "Let's get you to your cabin. No rush, we'll go at whatever pace you feel capable of."

Feeling too unwell to argue any further, she simply nodded, mutely aware of her mother and Shinguji exchanging glances after wishing her well. That was something for her to worry about later, though; in the moment, she focused on keeping one foot in front of the other as Amami led her out of the lounge.

Under normal circumstances Mahiru would have been annoyed and frustrated to be catered to in such a way, but being on her feet only drove home how uneasy she was feeling, and she unconsciously leaned in closer to Amami for support. She breathed in his scent as he led her to the elevator, some combination of citrus and sandalwood; not strong enough to risk upsetting her stomach but just enough to catch her notice. She liked the smell, she decided; there was something calming about it, combined with the general warmth of having him by her side.

The elevator ride was short, taking them down only one level, and a very short walk down the hall brought them to the Koizumis' cabin. "This is the room, right?" Amami asked as confirmation.

"Yeah, this is it." Stepping away from Amami, Mahiru fished her lanyard out of her pocket and, fumbling only slightly, she pressed the key against the card reader. With the door opened, she hesitated a moment and looked up at him uneasily.

Mercifully, he seemed to understand and made no move to invite himself in. "Here you go," he said, handing her the cup of ginger ale. "Use that to take the medicine, and then try to get some rest, all right?"

"Yeah." Mahiru gripped the cup tightly, determined not to drop it, and gave him a small smile, her cheeks pinking slightly. "Um... thanks for walking me here."

"Hey, no problem." Amami shrugged. "Just feel better. We'll check on you from time to time to see how you're doing."

"You really don't have to..."

He waved off her concern. "It's fine. For now, I'll head on back and let you get some rest. Feel better, Koizumi-san."

Nodding, Mahiru waved him off as he headed back down the hallway, this time heading for the stairwell. Once he was out of sight, Mahiru closed the door and sighed, shame once again overshadowing the gratitude she had felt. Seasickness, six days into a cruise? She felt pathetic.

Setting the cup down on her bedside table, she sat down on her bed, feeling relieved to be off her feet again. She really did feel awful, and she decided to change into some fresh pajamas in the interest of comfort. She took the blister pack of medicine from her pocket, and then once she was changed she popped out the proper dose and swallowed it with what remained of the ginger ale.

Feeling another wave of dizziness coming on, she decided that it probably was best to lie down after all, if only to close her eyes and hope the rocking sensation would stop. So, pulling her feet up and under the covers, she laid down and closed her eyes, not feeling particularly tired but just hoping that the rocking sensation would ease.

Mahiru wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she must have dozed off at some point as the next thing she knew she was blinking sleep from her eyes. She sat up uneasily, making note of the darkened sky through the window, the last remnants of orange glowing on the horizon—so it was a bit late, but it hadn't gotten too late, at least.

There was a knock on the door, and realizing that that must have been what had woken her up in the first place, she jumped from bed and padded over to the entrance.

Upon opening it a crack, she saw Amami standing there, and she couldn't help smiling just a bit as she opened the door wider. "Oh, Amami."

He grinned sheepishly, his gaze flicking down and to the side for a moment before returning to look at her directly. "Ah, hey. Did I wake you? Your mom said you were asleep when she last checked on you about an hour ago..."

She must have done a bit more than just doze off, then. "Oh, no, it's fine! I mean, I was asleep, but I don't mind. Um..." She faltered, fiddling with the chain of the door's security lock absently. "Did you need something?"

Amami laughed lightly. "No, not really. I just wanted to see how you were doing. If you were feeling better I was going to invite you to join us in the lounge, but I see that you're already in your pajamas..." He glanced to the side again for a brief instant, then smiled. "It's probably for the best that you keep taking it easy, anyway."

Mahiru chuckled. "Yeah, I think I want to just lie down again for a while, just to make sure the seasickness doesn't return with a vengeance. Thanks for thinking about me, though," she added, warmth flooding her chest.

"Of course. I'll leave you to that, then." He turned on his heel, offering a light wave over his shoulder. "I'll see you in the morning?"

"Yeah, see you." Mahiru watched as he departed down the hall before pushing the door closed, leaning her weight against the cool surface. She still kind of hated the way that he made her feel all giddy, like some sort of lovesick airhead, but Amami really was—

Her thoughts screeched to a halt as she fully registered the feel of the door against her right arm—the entirety of her right arm. She stood up straight and looked down at her body, remembering—she was wearing sleeveless pajamas.

Her mark had been on full display during that conversation.

She slapped a protective hand over the mark, panicking. Had Amami seen? Had he noticed?

The way that his eyes gaze had flicked just off to the side... Icy cold dread pooled in the pit of her stomach. Yes, he had seen.

And he hadn't reacted at all.

The dread instantly transformed into searing anger and she yanked the door open again, dashing into the hall. "Amami!"

She spotted him just beginning to turn to the stairwell to the main deck, and as he paused to look curiously back at her she caught up and grabbed him by the wrist.

"You knew!" she yelled, the words accusatory daggers.

Amami only offered a gentle smile. "Hm?"

"Don't play dumb! You knew... you knew that..." Her left hand crept up to hide her mark again as her face burned with humiliation and anger. Amami's smile faded, apparently realizing that the jig was up and he couldn't talk himself out of this one. "You... How long have you known?"

He sighed and looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. "Look, Koizumi-san, it wasn't—"

"I'm asking how long you've known!"

Another sigh, and Amami's free hand fell limply back to his side. "Koizumi-san... I felt the soulscript manifest the moment we met—"

"No way! I didn't feel anything!"

"—and even if I hadn't," he continued, meeting her gaze with green eyes that had turned serious and cold, "you're the only eligible person on this ship that I've never traveled with before."

Mahiru dropped his wrist and took a step back. "What...?"

"Everyone else has long since been ruled out. There's no one else here that it could have possibly been."

Mahiru clenched her fingers around her shoulder, her nails digging into the skin. "Then... you've known this whole time...?"

"Don't do that, you're going to hurt yours—"

"Don't touch me!" she screeched, maintaining the grip on her mark as she ducked ducking away from his reach. "If you've known from the very start, why didn't you say anything?!"

"That's..." Amami scratched the back of his neck again, his mouth twisting in visible frustration. "You just really seemed to not want to bring it up. I figured I should give you space until you came to terms with whatever was bothering you and—"

"But that's exactly what I'm talking about!" Mahiru yelled, cutting him off. "If you've known from the start, how can I trust that you haven't just been pretending to be the perfect soulmate?! How can I believe that you're really you?!"

Having let those words spill from her mouth, Mahiru watched his face scrutinizingly, breathing heavily from the exertion of the argument. She saw the way his brows pulled together, took note of the set of his jaw—and how his eyes remained dark and clouded.

He didn't have a defense.

And she wanted so badly to convince herself that her heart didn't break just a little bit.

"You..." Mahiru started, but she faltered, unsure of what she even wanted to say. After fumbling for a moment, she settled on, "Who are you, Amami?"

Again, he said nothing, and he averted his gaze, looking to the side, his jaw flexing.

"...Fine." She huffed, taking a step backwards. "I don't feel like talking to you, either, so I guess the feeling's mutual."

Amami groaned, running a hand through his hair. "Koizumi-san, that's not what I—"

"Just leave me alone." She took another step back, trying to fix the boy with a sharp glare, but fearing that sheer disappointment was softening the effect. "Go away."

Amami sighed deeply, looked like he was going to try to object again, but apparently he thought better of it, his shoulders sagging. "All right," he said, taking a step closer to the stairwell himself. "I'll leave you be, then. We can... well." He seemed to be considering his words before giving up again. "Anyway. I hope you feel better in the morning."

With barely another glance in her direction, he disappeared into the stairwell, the sound of his sneakers on the steel steps echoing and gradually fading as he ascended the stairs.

With him gone, Mahiru gave a frustrated groan and turned back towards her cabin, ready to curl up in bed again and forget about... about seasickness and soulmates and boys.

When she returned to her door, however, she stood there silently, lost for what to do.

She had burst out of the cabin in such a rush that she had left her card key inside.

Groaning again, Mahiru leaned against the door and slid to the floor, curling in on herself pathetically. As she settled in for however long of a wait it would be for her mother to return, she wrapped her arms around her knees, pressing her right side flush against the door where no one, not even herself, would have to see her mark.

Finally, she gave up on suppressing the pinprick sensation in the corners of her eyes, letting the tears flow freely down her cheeks.

Notes: "who the hell gets seasick a week into a week-long cruise" me it was meeeee

Next (last) chapter should be up... idk, around Mahiru's birthday maybe? Unless I get impatient again like I did sitting on this chapter LOL.