Navy Wives
Chapter 24-Leah Reynolds
Leah found Mike walking down the p-way. He looked a little aimless and his eyes were red-rimmed. He only nodded at her as he walked past, seemingly heading towards the bridge. Christine had disclosed that it was Lucas' birthday and Leah wanted to check on Christine. She walked towards their quarters and knocked on the door. Christine answered and let her in.
"I thought Mike was taking today off?" Leah asked.
"He was. Tom summons him to the Bridge. He needs to take the day off with that arm." Christine answered as she sat down on the couch. Leah sat down next to her.
"He needs to be off with you." Leah remarked.
"He agrees, but he can't go against Tom. He'll be back as soon as he can." Christine said.
"Where are the girls?" Leah asked.
"Darien and Tom came and got them, and I guess Tom went to work…so they are with the Chandler kids." Christine answered.
"Would you like for me to go get them?" Leah asked.
"Can you sit and talk for a bit? With you, I don't have to be strong. With the girls, I do." Christine requested.
"Of course." Leah said.
"When Lucas was little…about two; he would find Mike's boots and try to walk around in them. Earlier, I was looking through some photos Mike had. Found this one." Christine said, showing Leah a picture of a small version of Lucas, wearing a massive pair of combat boots.
"I bet those boots weighed more than him. He was so cute." Leah remarked.
"He looked so much like Mike back then. When Mike was little; he had that same red hair. Mike's darkened and Lucas' lightened to almost a strawberry blonde, probably because Lucas played outside constantly." Christine said.
"I thought Lucas seemed more like you in personality." Leah said.
"Maybe a little, but mostly he was all Mike. He idolized Mike." Christine replied.
"And Katie idolizes him too." Leah said.
"Yeah, she does and he adores her but its not the same." Christine said.
"I usually advise against this, but is there any possibility of you and Mike having another baby?" Leah asked.
"Physically, yes. I would not want it seem like we are replacing Lucas or telling Katie and Hannah they aren't enough." Christine answered.
"Just think about it. Sometimes, the best way to heal the pain is to love again." Leah said.
"Why do you usually advise against it?" Christine asked.
"Because a lot of people who lose a child seek to have a new baby to mask the pain. You and Mike have to and are going through horrible pain. You recognize that you have to. You recognize each other's pain and Katie and Hannah's pain." Leah said.
"We both lost parents, grandparents…but this. This is a monster pain. Not like something we've ever faced before." Christine remarked.
"There's no name for it. You lose parents, you're an orphan. You lose a spouse, you're a widow…but losing a child…no pain or name for it." Leah said.
"Mike made a remark last night that Russ came through it with such grace. He admires that grace." Christine said.
"I know how you feel about God right now…but his faith is how Russ has handled it with such grace." Leah replied.
"I never had much of a basis in religion. Mike actually is more religious and would take the kids when he was home. He felt it was important they learned about God. Would read them these books with Bible stories. Taught them to pray. It was important to him. I never had a major problem with it so I just went along with it. It is mostly that I just don't understand." Christine said.
"Does Mike have a Bible here?" Leah asked.
"Yeah, on the shelf in there." Christine replied.
"I am not going to force you to read it. But…open it and read the book, Job. It talks a lot of pain and grief. And there is the New Testament." Leah said.
"Do you think Lucas went to Heaven?" Christine asked. Leah grasped Christine's hand for a moment and chose her next words carefully.
"I think God would have a special place for a little boy like Lucas. Did he enjoy when Mike read him those stories?" Leah asked.
"He loved them. Of course, he had a crazy imagination but he always begged Mike for another story." Christine answered. She had a faint smile on her face, telling Leah it was a happy memory.
"There is nothing more special than a child-like faith. You take whatever you need to help you through this. Your grief is not the same as Mike's…or Russ'. You carried Lucas for nine months, nurtured him and took care of Lucas when Mike was away. It is different. Not saying it is more or less than Mike, but it is different." Leah said.
"What I hate most is…the girls having to watch Mike and I go through this." Christine said.
"The girls are going through their own grief. Watching you and Mike gives them permission to grieve too. Once we get settled wherever…I think you, Mike and the girls will be more able to process." Leah replied.
"We are going to live together." Christine remarked.
"I think that is a good thing." Leah said.
"Darien thinks we are rushing things." Christine said.
"Its a brave new world." Leah replied.
"I know one thing for sure…if I didn't have Mike; I wouldn't be able to get through this." Christine remarked.
"I suspect he might say the same about you. Now, do you want me to go get the girls?" Leah asked.
"Yes, please." Christine said. Leah gave her a hug and then left her.