Words are not needed as our hands thread together.
A small show of solidarity.
A silent promise that the other is still needed.
Still wanted.
Small fingers grip mine, stronger than any human could withstand. Not a problem here. Tonight my strength is hers.
There was no time for details or lengthy explanations. I came as soon as I heard. I knew something was wrong the second Giles' name appeared on my phone. We don't make social calls.
"I got here as quickly as I could. I'm sorry it wasn't sooner," I say as our gazes fixate upon the fresh grave.
"A good ex-girlfriend might send you a magical ring that could protect you from sunlight." Buffy says.
At least her sense of humor is intact.
I nearly groan. "Mmm. I seem to recall something about being gored and forced to destroy it."
There is a flicker of emotion deep within her mossy green eyes, but it is old and fleeting.
"I always wondered what happened to that," she says, lost in some memory.
There is a reality where we have had this conversation. Chocolate and ice cream may have been involved.
My hand squeezes hers as she leans against my shoulder and my long dead lungs expand as I savor my favorite scent.
"I'm so glad you're here," she says, her voice trembling in a way that tells me she is barely holding on. "I don't know how I'm supposed to do this."
"Yes you do." I reassure her. "You have done this before. You know what she would want. You have to go on… for her."
Buffy fists my shirt as a sob tears from deep within her, shattering a part of my soul in the process.
"Come here," I say, scooping her up before she can push me away.
She weighs next to nothing but still locks onto my neck as I head toward the closest oak tree.
There is no need to ask. This is where we will be staying for a while.
"Wait," I say, pressing a quick kiss to her temple before shucking my coat. It's not going to do much good but it's better than her sitting on the frozen ground.
"Are you sure it's not too cold out?" I ask.
Buffy's head shakes as we settle against the tree. "Much better," she says, curling against me as if I have the body heat to share.
Fuck it. Who am I to disillusion her?
Insects chirp as one minute churns into the next while the night settles around us. There is an emptiness in Buffy, a hollow ache that comes after all funerals, a void that can not be filled by anything but the person missing.
"It means a lot that you came." she says, snapping me from my thoughts.
"There is nowhere else I would rather be." I say, a truth even Angelus agrees with.
"Everything just happened so fast," Buffy says, her voice cracking. "There is never enough time."
"I know," I promise. "Is there anything I can do?" I ask, both sensing and dreading her answer.
"You could stay." she says, tearing open that familiar old wound.
How foolish we were. No amount of time could lessen the pain of missing her, or erase what we have. "I can be here for as long as you need me," I say. "Shoulder to shoulder, isn't that how it goes?"
Tears pool in the corner of her eye but she manages to keep them from falling. How many times have we been doomed to have this conversation? How naive to believe that it could ever be the last.
Buffy sighs but slips her hand beneath my coat. Her fingers curl around the cotton of my shirt, tugging me closer. "I really wish you meant that," she says.
I could lie but she would only see through it. "You're still my girl," I remind her instead.
Now isn't the time for such confessions.
My words nearly make her smile, but only for a moment. "Could you stay until tomorrow?" she asks. "Just for the day? You know how it is. There is always so much to do whenever you're planning a funeral, you want to make sure that everything is perfect, but you never consider the day after."
"The day after?" I question, despite being well aware of what she means.
"Everyday since it happened I have woken up with a list of things to do for her, had things to plan. Made decisions that I know she would want. But starting tomorrow, it's like there is no more list. No more guidance of what Buffy should do now that she is truly alone in this world."
There it is. The one thing my girl is scared of, even if she will never admit it. "You are not alone."
"You know what I mean." she says, eyes rolling in the most adorably exasperated way.
"I can stay," I say, "On one condition."
Buffy's eyebrow cocks curiously. "Go on." she says, slightly hesitant.
"I get to feed you breakfast, and you have to eat."
Breakfast always stood for everything we could never have. Sunlight, the endless opportunities a new day provides, a meal after an exhausting night in bed together.
"Okay," Buffy says, lip twitching in what I hope is finally an urge to smile.
The dew of morning is on the horizon. The air is light and crisp as we drive down the cobbled road to the rental Buffy has been leasing.
"The sun will be out soon," she says, back to reading my thoughts. "You should have said something. We could have left sooner."
"We'll get there. A Tuesday morning sunrise isn't going to be what takes me out." I say, my lips pressing against her knuckles. "Promise."
"You just had to jinx us."
It's clear that she is joking but there is a tinge of worry in her voice, so I press down on the accelerator to make her feel better. We are only a couple of streets away from the address she gave me, and it is only a few turns before we are pulling into the shaded safety of the parking garage.
Buffy doesn't let go of my hand until we are parked and the engine is off. The silence between is not awkward, but comfortable, soothing even.
All these years later and we can still communicate without words.
It doesn't make sense, but then again, it never did.
"Are you sure-" I go to ask but Buffy uses the hand that I am not holding to cover my mouth. "I am always sure with you. Remember?"
An old vow we would both probably be better off forgetting.
Silence follows us through the house and into her bedroom. My senses are overwhelmed as I pull her against me. It's been a while since I was surrounded by my favorite slayer.
Our mouths fuse and I don't hesitate to take the lead, tasting and exploring, nipping and teasing until Buffy's fingers twist through my hair. It's her back that slams into the wall as she feigns a fight for dominance.
She could take me, but she doesn't want to.
Her eyes are wild and wide once we finally break apart.
"Your soul?" she asks, her voice tinged with worry once again.
There is no cause for concern, perfect happiness isn't possible tonight. My soul has always been safest ensconced within the nights of our greatest despair.
She is appeased with a shake of my head, and then with one smooth motion she has my belt dangling from her hand.
There's my girl.
Her perfect pout tugs into what could almost be considered a smile. "I always wanted to do that," she says, slightly breathless as I pepper kisses down the smooth column of her neck.
The thud of my belt being dropped to the floor barely registers as I move through the dark house towards her bedroom. Guided only by her whispered instructions between very persistent, and very distracting, nibbles along my neck, collar and ear.
Our clothes provide little resistance, and we are skin to skin by the time we are tumbling onto her plush mattress. A loud moan fills the air when my tongue caresses her perfectly pert nipple, and again when I lavish its twin with equal attention.
"You are so fucking perfect," I say, which earns me a groan and glare.
I can't help but chuckle as my lips discover a brand new path down her abdomen. "It's just a word," I remind her.
Another groan. "A bad one," she says, teeth clenching.
With blunt teeth I nibble on her hip bone in an effort to hide my smile and whatever argument she has prepared dies as I sink between her thighs. Small fingers scratch through my hair as I purposely inch achingly slowly down her perfect expanse.
One kiss below her navel and then another.
Perhaps it's the monster in me, but there is nothing I enjoy more than teasing this woman. No sound I crave more than those breathy moans just before her world collapses.
I inhale deeply as I reach the crevice of her thigh. "Fuck, you're dripping," I say as millimeter by millimeter my index finger is enveloped by her silken walls.
Insertion and withdrawal, once, then again. Over and over all while maintaining my achingly evil pace.
"Angel," Buffy says, her head flying back and twisting against her pillow. "Please."
My gaze doesn't shift as I add a second finger, taking care not to push her over the edge.
Not yet.
"You have no idea how much I have missed this." I say just as my lips seal around her clit. Buffy's entire body tenses and then shudders as I roll my tongue over the sensitive bundle again and again.
Perfect might not be so far fetched after all.
"You still with me?" Buffy asks, half breathless and panting.
As if my mind could wander.
"Always," I promise, before circling her clit with a determination that has her back arching clear off the bed.
In rhythm with the stroke of my fingers and flicks of my tongue, my name tumbles from her lips again and again. Her voice hitching higher with every breath, fingernails scratching my scalp and anywhere else within her reach.
Her orgasm is a wave, gently rolling in and grabbing hold until she is twisting in pleasure and begging for me never to stop.
I am already tucking the blanket around us, and positioning myself above her by the time her world fully settles.
"I love you," she says, stealing my chance.
"I love you more." My reply is both instant and effortless, leaving no room for doubt as the final space between us shrinks until we are both groaning, forehead to forehead, soaking in the utter bliss that only moments like these can provide.
No battles to be fought, no worry about souls or sisters.
No thoughts of funerals or death.
Woven hands, tangled legs, our bodies meld until I can no longer ascertain where one of us ends and the other begins. Buffy is a mess of gasps, groans, and sighs but my world nearly collapses when she flips us over and straddles my waist.
Mischief glistens in her glossy green eyes as my fingers dig into the flesh on her hips. Her hips rotate once, then again, all the while keeping her hands braced against my chest.
"Careful," I whisper, fully aware of where this is going. "Did you forget what happened last time?"
Soft blonde locks cascade down her breast shielding her taut nipples from view. My hips slam as I take control, effortlessly lifting and guiding her hips until her breath catches and her teeth bite into her lip. There are no arguments as I roll her back beneath me.
"You're never going to win this one," I say, nearly chuckling as I drop a quick kiss below her ear and another, more lavishing, across her pulse point. "Besides, where is the fun in ending things now?"
Her thighs raise and lock around my waist. "Maybe I just want to know that I still make you crazy."
My weight pins her in place as I capture her soft pout in a brutal kiss.
"That's supposed to change?" I ask, only half joking, which earns me a small scowl that I quickly kiss back away.
She will always be the love of my life.
Time can't change that. Never could.
The sun will be out soon, but I had to stop by her grave one more time.
"Hey there kiddo," I say, placing a single purple rose on top of the fresh mound of soil.
My throat clears as I fight the rising bile, and a thousand memories.
"I just thought you should know that I'm finally taking your advice. I'm never letting your sister go again. I hope you find some peace in that."
"Goodbye Dawn."