DISCLAIMER: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles nor any of the characters from the show. I am writing this purely for entertainment, not profit. Rizzoli and Isles are property of Tess Gerritsen and TNT.

For full disclaimers, please refer to the first chapter.

Chapter 4

"Maura? Where have you been for the past three years?" Frankie repeated his question, noticing she had gotten completely lost in thought.

"Africa." She sighed, tiredly.

"Africa?" Frankie asked, in disbelief.

"Yes. With the Doctors Without Borders…"

That explained the tan. Tough life. A life of dedication and commitment for a cause, annulment of self.

Frankie wanted to cry. Maura and Jane were so different as people, but so similar in their principles, even in this… To drown their grief, their sorrow, they annulled themselves and committed themselves entirely to a cause. They would not simply commit suicide or kill themselves. They would just annul their individuality to a greater good, and disappear of the face of the world in the process.

"And may I ask what brought you back to Boston after more than three years?" he tried to keep the hurt out of his voice and be as gentle as he could.

She sighed, looking up, before continuing. "I contracted a really serious case of malaria, and was in critical condition for a while..."

Maura would never mention that she on purpose had ignored the symptoms until it was almost too late. Have it not been for some of the villagers she had been treating making a trek to another village to get some other doctors to come rescue her when they did, she would have reached her wish of disappearing for good.

Ian had been mad about it… He had been delighted when he first saw Maura three years ago, and he was very understanding about the whole story she told him. He had tried to ignite the old flame, but Maura would have laughed if it was not so tragic. Ian had been for so long the love of her life, and he didn't hold a candle to what she had with Jane.

Ian understood the maximum place there would be for him in Maura's life would be as a friend, and he at least tried to keep an eye and an ear out for Maura.

And Ian knew Maura was too smart to have failed to notice the malaria symptoms, to treat herself or to find help timely. Ian finally understood Maura had a death wish. And that was why he had insisted Maura was taken for the long treatment back to Paris instead of staying in Dakar. Maura had been mostly unconscious when they rescued her, so it had been frustrating for Maura to wake up alive and in Paris for her recovery.

"MSF got me transported back to Paris, to where I went from here before going to Africa. I needed to get treated in a proper hospital for a while. I am still on the road to recovery. After I left the hospital and was convalescing in the small apartment in Paris where I left my things before going to Africa, I finally found the strength to go over the few things I took with me from here. I was on my computer, seeing pictures, videos, and I found a few videos that… Mia…" she exhaled and closed her eyes to her daughter's name, the longing obvious in her voice. "… had recorded for a school project and that I never saw before. Somehow, it brought me a small measure of peace I had not felt in more than three years, and I felt I needed to share it with your sister." Maura sighed again.

Frankie nodded, understanding.

He would never tell her how many times he had asked God why such bad things happened to good people. As if her sister and Maura had not had their fair share of suffering and pain before they got together, they still got the pain of suddenly losing the adoptive daughter they both adored.

"I am glad you found at least some measure of peace, Maura. It was not your fault, you know that by now, I hope, don't you? There was no way you could have suspected anything given she had no symptoms or episodes ever before…" He offered compassionately.

Maura tilted her head, shaking it, but Frankie doubted she really believed him. Deep down, just like Jane, they would both blame themselves, nobody else.

"How are Nina, and Stella?" Maura tried to change the focus from her.

"They are good, I shall be joining them for lunch soon."

"What about Tommy, TJ, and your mother?"

She noticed his face turning more serious, and realized the rift that the imbroglio with Jane inevitably had caused between him and Angela.

"Ma is fine. She has practically moved in with Tommy to help with TJ, who became a very rebellious teenager…"

"TJ? Rebellious?"

Frankie shrugged.

"I think we all became superprotective with the kids after what happened… Stella was almost six, and a girl, so I don't think she felt so constrained by it. But TJ was almost fifteen, and besides the loss hitting him hard, the whole control provoked him to test every single boundary all the time… We all know how that worked for Tommy, so Ma has been trying to be very present, especially with Tommy's plumbing business going reasonably well and keeping him busy."

"Do you think it is okay if I stay in the house for a few days? I… I will try the PO Box you mentioned, if you will be so kind to share the details with me."

"Of course, Maura, the house is yours, it has always been. Ma makes sure it is cleaned once a month and kept fresh. I think she never lost hope you or Jane would come back one day…" He sighed, before adding. "Let me give you the PO Box details."

He picked his phone, and stopped, realizing he didn't have Maura's number. She had her Boston phone line disconnected when she left.

"I have a pre-paid service while I am in town." She texted him, her eidetic memory still knowing his number, and he forwarded her the photo of Jane's brief letter, with the details of the PO Box.

"Frankie,

Thank you for standing by me on that fateful day. I didn't deserve it, but you did so anyway…

Ma is right, as always. But this time I didn't even need her to tell me that, I already knew it was my fault. And for a mistake there is no possible forgiveness or redemption.

I am leaving not to come back. Please don't try to find me, it will be easier if you all just forget I was ever around.

My resignation letter was posted at the same time as this, and they expect you to return my gun and badge – they are on the top drawer of the office in the home.

I am joining Secret Ops to serve somewhere in the Middle East or Afghanistan. They will inform you if anything bad happens to me. And if you need to get any news delivered to me, or any bureaucracy to resolve, they gave me this PO Box, from which they can direct mail to wherever I am stationed.

I have no rights, but I beg one last thing of you: please try to find Maura, and please take care of her for me. I am not worthy to be with her, with any of you really, but you are still her family.

Take care, Frankie, and make sure you come back home every night for those you love.

J."

Maura had to stop to wipe away her tears. She had no idea Jane had blamed herself. If… If Maura had not left, would all of this have happened?

"Would you like to join me for lunch with Nina and Stella?" Frankie invited, trying to get her out of her musing, hopeful she would accept.

"Thank you, Frankie. Maybe another day… There is somewhere I need to be first, before I can go home. I just landed in the airport this morning and came straight to the precinct to talk to you. We should both go." She stood, leaving a bill to cover their check by the table.

He walked with her until she stopped by the rental car.

"Thank you, Frankie, it was good seeing you." She raised her sad eyes to him.

He moved forward and hugged her gently.

"It is good to have you back, Maura."

"I don't know for how long I am staying…" Maura added, uncertain and non-committal, not wanting to hurt him with empty hopes or promises.

"Well, it is good to have you back, even if it turns out to be only for a little while." He added sincerely, separating from her.

Frankie saw her eyes welled in tears, before she nodded to him and entered the car.

He sighed seeing her depart, and wishing to himself that the same way Maura had appeared, Jane would appear one day. He missed his sister. But, for now, the best he could do was to go home to the women of his life.

Maura stopped by a flower shop, to get a vase of beautiful bright colorful flowers.

Then, she drove to the cemetery, parking close to the administrative building. She entered and asked for information, before she followed the directions provided by the person she spoke to.

Each step seemed to cost her more than the previous one, and she thought her body would fail her when she was just a few steps short of Mia's grave. She steeled herself for those last steps, before she fell on her knees, placing the flowers by the gravestone, finally letting her sobs overtake and rock her body. She missed her daughter. She missed Jane. She missed a time of happiness, and light, and joy. She missed their family. Yes, she had finally found the first small measure of peace in over three years. But right now, it didn't feel any less lonely because of it.

It was much later, after Maura had cried herself dry, that she stood, dizzy and weak, and walked back in uncertain steps to the rental car to drive home.

She used her old key, and disarmed and rearmed the alarm, leaving her little bag by the door. Maura was not sure if it was the fact that for more than three years without a break she had been under the scorching African heat, if it was the fact she still was experiencing the intermittent bouts of fever from the malaria, or because Boston was already entering Fall, but she felt cold, and shivered. And the silent house didn't help. She didn't remember her house being this quiet. Actually, she did. The last time it had been that quiet had been before she and Jane had begun working together. Until then, her house had been that, a house, and a quiet one. Maura and Bass were silent companions. But since the moment it became a home, it never had been this quiet again.

Maura walked the few steps to the guest bedroom, Mia's bedroom, the place Frankie mentioned Jane had slept the last night she spent in that house. All was the same way Mia had left things that morning before they left for the games. Maura stopped by the door, her hand over her mouth to muffle the heartfelt sobs of longing.

She then picked her bag and moved upstairs to the master bedroom. Her hand touched Jane's pillow, and immediately found the untouched envelope Maura had addressed to her before leaving under the pillowcase.

And this time Maura just fell down in bed, too tired to even begin processing everything she had learned from Frankie, and just let her tears and sobs lull her to sleep.