Chapter XIX:
I Lost
Felt was just about done with all this crap.
Upon arriving at the manor, she had been greeted by some pink-haired hothead—a maid named Ram—who had been less than helpful.
Luckily, when Felt had explained the situation, she had been taken straight to Emilia.
Though, maybe it was Carol's piercing glare that had convinced Ram to cooperate.
Emilia had been shocked to learn that a Cultist army was practically on her doorstep—even more surprised that three different forces had shown up to save her ass.
"I did sense something was amiss," Emilia admitted, her brow furrowed. "I was anticipating another Witch Beast attack, so I reinforced the barriers around the village. I was worried the villagers wouldn't take me seriously, but they'd at least been patrolling at night. But… the Witch's Cult?"
"Subaru's already taking care of them," Felt said smugly, crossing her arms. "But we need to get out of the way."
Emilia frowned. "Why would we run? I'm more than capable of dealing with them myself, you know?"
"It has more to do with the villagers than you, Lady Emilia," Carol interjected smoothly. "You are the main target. And as we understand it, more Cultists are hiding elsewhere that Mr. Natsuki has not yet identified. They could still cause problems."
"So, we need to evacuate them?" Emilia asked, worry creeping into her voice.
"Exactly," Felt confirmed. "The attack is kicking off around three o'clock. We've already taken care of a few problems, but we need to move fast."
"This is all very convenient," Ram said, her tone sharp with suspicion. She folded her arms, staring down Felt. "You just so happen to arrive in force, and three of the four major camps coincidentally come together to help us? I highly doubt this is out of the goodness of your hearts."
"Hah! Hardly," Felt scoffed. "As far as I'm concerned, this is about getting Subaru out of that stupid contract with Roswaal. The other two groups? Subaru bribed them with magic weapons."
"Magic weapons?" Emilia blinked. "I don't follow."
"He can forge enchanted items," Felt said with a shrug. "I don't know how he does it. What I do know is that he showed up at my place, breaking down. And after I got over my feelings about the whole mess, I realized something—he's the only family I have."
Her voice firmed, her expression unyielding.
"I'd do anything to help him."
Then, after a pause, Felt let out a sigh.
"…Anyway, he made a deal with Crusch and Anastasia in exchange for their support. And we got to kill the White Whale, so yeah, it's been quite the last few days."
Emilia offered a small, understanding smile. "I think I get it now," she said softly. "So, what exactly is the plan?"
"We're using some merchants and the few wagons that survived the battle to transport the villagers to the capital," Felt explained. "We'll struggle to move everyone, though."
"Lady Emilia," Ram spoke up, her tone composed. "Rem and I could take half of the villagers to the Sanctuary, where Lord Roswaal is. They would be safe there for the time being."
Emilia considered the idea, then nodded. "That could work."
"Works for us too," Felt said with a smirk. "We can sort out this contract business once we deal with the actual threat at hand."
"I do have a question," Rem piped up suddenly. "Where is Sir Reinhard? He'd undoubtedly be able to assist with all of this. I'm surprised he hasn't been mentioned."
Felt rolled her eyes. "My so-called knight went off to do some task for the council," she grumbled. "I'm definitely giving him an earful once this is all over."
"More likely, he will scold you for getting involved in something so dangerous," Carol said matter-of-factly. "Though I must admit, we have acquitted ourselves nicely thus far."
Felt muttered something under her breath but didn't argue the point.
"Well, we should get moving. Is this everyone? With a house this big, I figured you'd have more people working here."
"This is everyone," Rem confirmed. "Sister and I are more than enough to serve Lord Roswaal."
Felt shrugged. "Alright then—let's get a move on!"
Felt sat in the back of a cart, surrounded by the village kids and Emilia. Flam and Garassis sat near the edge, keeping watch as they looked out over the road behind them.
It had turned out to be a surprisingly nice evening.
Carol and Grimm were driving up front, the cart bumping along the uneven path. Felt idly wondered if they might pass the carcass of the White Whale on their way back.
"Miss Emilia, are we going to be safe?"
The question came from an auburn-haired girl with a bright red bow in her hair.
Emilia offered her a reassuring smile. "We'll be fine," she promised. "Subaru seems to have planned for everything."
The girl nodded, seemingly comforted, before Flam tugged on her arm. "Come on, we're playing cards," the pink-haired twin insisted, pulling her over to where the other kids were gathered.
Felt watched them for a moment, reminded that the twins—despite how capable they seemed—were still just kids at the end of the day.
Emilia smiled softly as she watched them play, then turned to Felt. "So… Subaru planned all of this? How did he even know about the Cult's attack?"
Felt shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. He can't tell anyone for some reason. If I had to take a guess, I'd say it has something to do with your benefactor."
"Roswaal?" Emilia frowned. "If he knew about the attack, I don't think he would have left for the Sanctuary. Besides, he never told us anything, so why would he have told Subaru—who was all the way in the capital?"
"I don't know," Felt admitted. "Just a theory. The only reason I can think of for him not being able to talk about it is that stupid contract of his."
Emilia hesitated, then spoke carefully. "For what it's worth, Felt… I don't want to force Subaru to be on my side." She glanced down, fiddling with the hem of her sleeve. "I… like Subaru as a friend. But I don't want to take him away from his only family."
Felt studied her, expecting to feel some lingering anger—but it wasn't real.
A part of her had wanted to resent Emilia. To see her as a threat, someone trying to steal Subaru away. But that wasn't fair.
Emilia hadn't made him sign that stupid contract.
She was just as much a victim in all this. Roswaal was causing problems, and she was stuck dealing with the fallout.
Well… as long as I get Subaru free, I guess she's not all that bad.
"I appreciate that," Felt said after a moment.
Then, she sighed. "And… for what it's worth, I'm sorry for being so huffy with you. It's been a crazy past few months. It wasn't that long ago that I was depending on Subaru to keep us alive. I was alone for so long before he came along… for the longest time, he was all I had."
Emilia's expression softened. "He's a good person. Maybe a bit rough around the edges," she admitted with a small smile, "but he cares about people—a lot. You're lucky to have someone like that in your life."
Felt huffed, crossing her arms. "Well, he must care about you guys too," she conceded. "I mean, he's practically moving mountains over here to help you. I don't think you do that for just anyone."
Emilia's smile lingered, quiet and knowing.
And for the first time, Felt found herself not resenting it.
Just then, a commotion erupted at the front of the wagon.
"Grimm, dear!" Carol's voice rang out, sharp with urgency.
Felt turned just in time to see the old man leap off the cart, his massive shield swinging off his back as he landed behind them.
A second later—
BOOM!
A fireball slammed against his shield, flames scattering harmlessly across its surface.
The children screamed as Flam and Garassis spun their eyes snapping toward the treeline.
Felt reached back, fingers tightening around the hilt of her dagger as black-robed figures rushed out from the shadows.
"There's the Cultists Subaru couldn't pinpoint!" she shouted.
"Lady Felt, stay down!" Carol commanded, her voice firm as she drew her sword. "Garassis, take the reins!"
"What are you—"
Before she could finish, the old woman jumped from the cart, landing beside Grimm, her blade gleaming in the fading light.
Felt clenched her jaw, about to go after them—
But Flam grabbed her wrist, holding her back.
"Lady Felt, you can't put yourself in danger!" Flam insisted. "Grandmother and Grandfather are more than capable of handling themselves!"
"We should help them!" Emilia declared, already standing.
With a flick of her wrist, she summoned several ice missiles, launching them toward the enemy. The shards struck their targets with a sickening crack, sending a few Cultists crumpling to the ground.
A moment later, the wagon's defenders wheeled their Earth Dragons around and charged, meeting the oncoming Cultists in battle.
The clash of steel and magic filled the air.
Felt's heart pounded as she scanned the battlefield. Flam was still looking around, searching for the next threat, but Felt had already made up her mind.
"I agree," she said at last. "We should help them."
"Lady Felt, Grandmother said—"
"That you should stay with me—and so you should." Felt shot her a smirk before turning to Garassis. "Stay with the wagon!"
"I must protest! It's not safe! You could be killed—or worse, my lady!" Flam said urgently.
Felt didn't back down.
"That's my call," she said firmly. "If I just sit around and do nothing, how can I expect to lead a country?"
She locked eyes with Flam, unyielding.
"Now—will you defy me, or are you going to listen?"
Flam hesitated, clearly torn—
But after a moment, she sighed, releasing the hem of Felt's shirt with reluctant acceptance.
"Very well," she relented. "But I'll be by your side at all times. Let it not be said I didn't try to dissuade you."
Felt grinned. "Alright, Ice Queen," she cracked her knuckles. "Let's get this show on the road!"
Leaping off the back of the wagon, Flam, Emilia, and Felt rushed into the fray. Emilia conjured ice missiles, her hands glowing with chilling energy, while Felt gripped her dagger, using her Divine Protection to launch herself forward like a blur.
To Felt's surprise, Flam reached the cultists first. The maid moved like a shadow, her hand slicing through the enemy ranks as if wielding an invisible blade.
Felt didn't hesitate, parrying a dagger strike before slashing across a cultist's midsection. These robed freaks weren't strong, but there were a lot of them. The battlefield was a storm of ice and fire, with Emilia's relentless attacks freezing enemies mid-motion while countering the fireballs flung in their direction.
Even as she fought, Felt couldn't help but wonder—just how strong had Elsa been to take on both Subaru and Emilia at once? Then again, Subaru hadn't been nearly as strong back then.
A flash of steel caught her eye. A blade arced toward her—
Without thinking, Felt shot upward, using her Divine Protection to propel herself out of harm's way. Below her, Flam closed the distance in a blink, decapitating the cultist in a single, fluid motion.
"Be more careful, my lady!" Flam huffed, barely sparing her a glance.
"Yeah, yeah—" Felt scoffed, but her words turned into a yelp as Carol's iron grip seized her ear.
"Oww! Oww, oww—Grimm, help!"
"I believe I made it clear you were not to get involved," Carol scolded, twisting Felt's ear like a disobedient child.
"We're more than capable of handling ourselves," Emilia countered, her tone firm as she launched a massive ice blast, cutting through a cluster of enemies and freezing them solid.
Carol sighed and released Felt, crossing her arms. "It was an unnecessary risk. Your lives are too important to gamble foolishly. There will be times when you must fight, but until then, you should let others handle the battle."
"That's hardly a way to lead," Felt muttered, rubbing her ear.
"Fighting and leading are two different things," Carol corrected, her gaze unwavering. "You still have much to learn, my lady."
Felt scowled but held her tongue.
The battle was winding down. Across the battlefield, earth dragons charged through the remaining cultists, riders cutting them down as they went. A familiar figure approached—Wilhelm, his sword still slick with blood.
"Lady Emilia, Lady Felt," he greeted with a respectful bow.
"Ah, Wilhelm, I take it you bring good news?" Carol asked, her sharp gaze scanning his face.
Wilhelm nodded. "Indeed. Julius has confirmed—the Archbishop is dead."
Felt exhaled in relief—but Wilhelm's expression didn't ease.
"However," he continued, "Subaru… collapsed after Sloth was defeated."*
Felt felt her stomach drop.
"Is he alright?!" she and Emilia blurted at the same time—only to flush in unison when they realized it.
Wilhelm, as composed as ever, gave a slight nod. "Ferris is tending to him. Physically, he's unharmed, but… he won't wake up. Ferris is taking him—and the other wounded—back to the capital, where more skilled healers can assist."
Emilia's expression hardened. "I'm coming with you," she said without hesitation. "My people are there too. And Subaru… I owe him so much for today. I need to make sure he's alright."
Felt watched her, her lips pressing into a thin line. What were Emilia's feelings toward Subaru?
"Where is your sister?" Carol asked, her sharp gaze locking onto Flam.
Flam glanced around the battlefield, her ears twitching. "She's with the wagon—ow! Grandmother!" she yelped as Carol swiftly grabbed her ear, twisting it just enough to make her squirm.
"You were supposed to keep Lady Felt safe—not indulge her reckless habits," Carol scolded, her tone cutting. After a moment, she released Flam's ear with a sigh. "We'll need to find another wagon."
Felt nodded absentmindedly, barely hearing them. Her mind was elsewhere. She wouldn't feel at ease until she saw Subaru—awake and safe.
Subaru gasped, his eyes snapping open. The feeling of the rocking wagon below him told him they were moving. It was dark out as his eyes flicked around and his gut was unsteady.
The world around him felt distant—hazy. His body was weak, as if every last drop of mana had been drained from him.
A blurry figure loomed above him. As his vision cleared, he recognized Julius, his sword drawn, expression tense with caution. Beside him, Ferris knelt, watching him closely, his usual teasing demeanor absent.
Subaru shifted, trying to sit up—
The cold press of steel stopped him.
Julius had laid the flat of his blade against Subaru's chest.
"Which one are you?" Julius asked, his voice steady but edged with wariness.
Subaru blinked. What kind of question is that?
"…I'm me."
Carefully, he pushed the sword away and sat up fully. His limbs felt like lead, his breath shallow, but he ignored it.
Julius didn't lower his guard. "How can we be sure?"
Subaru exhaled, shaking his head. "Trust me—that crazy bastard wouldn't pretend to be anyone else. He'd try to kill you on sight." His voice was cold. Certain.
Julius studied him for a long moment before finally sheathing his blade. "So, he's dead, then?"
Subaru nodded.
Julius remained composed, but there was the barest hint of relief in his posture.
"What about the rest of the Cult?" Subaru asked, attempting to stand—
The world lurched. His vision blurred, and his legs gave out beneath him.
Ferris caught him before he collapsed entirely. "Don't try to get up, stupid!" he scolded, pushing Subaru back down with surprising strength. "Your mana's completely drained. If you push yourself now, you could do real damage."
Subaru groaned in frustration but didn't fight it. The flooring beneath him felt oddly comfortable just then.
Julius let out a slow breath before answering his question. "The Cult attacked when they realized what was happening. We took out the ones that came after us, but another group tried to ambush the villagers fleeing to the capital. Wilhelm and Ricardo handled them."
Subaru's brows furrowed. "What about Felt? And the people at the manor?"
"They were with the group heading for the capital," Julius explained. "Emilia and Felt fought off the Cultists who attacked them. Another group left with the maids—something about a place called Sanctuary?"
Subaru exhaled sharply, tension bleeding from his shoulders.
"Well, that's good," Subaru muttered, letting himself fall back against the wagon bench, staring up at the stars. The night sky felt oddly distant—like he was still half in a dream.
"How far are we from the capital?" he asked after a moment.
"Not far," Ferris sighed, the tension in his shoulders easing now that Subaru was awake. "We're the last group to arrive. I sent riders ahead to fetch some experts on comas. I tried everything I could think of to wake you up… Honestly, Subaru, you scared me half to death."
"You were muttering like mad back there," Julius added, his gaze sharp as he studied Subaru. "For a while, I thought… the Archbishop might have taken over your mind."
Subaru let out a short breath. Not an entirely unfounded fear.
"He was in my head," Subaru admitted, shifting so he could lean against the wagon's side. "I fought him in there—it's all a little fuzzy, like a dream. But I remember… he withered away."
"Odd," Julius murmured, rubbing his chin in thought. "Still, you don't seem to be possessed."
"To be safe, we could have Lady Crusch ask him if he's really Subaru," Ferris suggested.
Subaru sighed internally. Great. An interrogation from Crusch. But if that's all it took to ease their concerns, so be it.
Just as he was about to reply, something caught his eye—specifically, the driver of their wagon. Subaru blinked, his groggy mind catching up to what he was seeing.
"…Otto?"
The merchant jolted in his seat, glancing back over his shoulder. "Oh! Uh… yes?"
"You two know each other?" Julius asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't think we've met before," Otto said, looking genuinely baffled. "Despite what I just said, which was, indeed, completely true, mind you!"
Subaru froze. Wait.
Shouldn't Otto still be in the capital looking for me? How did he end up in Arlam?
Quickly, he pieced it together. "Ram told me she hired a merchant to take me back to the manor… I assumed that was you."
"Ohhh, yeah. Thanks for that," Otto huffed, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "I spent an entire day combing the capital for you! And guess what I found out? Some guy named Conrad tells me, 'Oh, Subaru? Yeah, he left with Duchess Crusch and an army of soldiers!'"
Otto threw up his hands, exasperated. "So then I have to track you down, which—by the way—gets me chased by some scary guys in robes, stopped at checkpoints by soldiers who think I'm smuggling bombs, and—oh, my favorite part—they confiscated my oil because they thought it was dangerous! Do you know how much money I lost on that investment?! Do you?!"
Subaru winced, rubbing the back of his head. "Uhh… sorry about that."
Otto scowled at him.
"If it helps," Subaru continued, offering an awkward smile, "I promise I'll find a way to make it up to you."
Otto grumbled something under his breath but didn't argue further.
Subaru exhaled.
Without Otto, I don't think I could have even made it to Arlam in the first place.
The rest of the ride, Subaru sat in silence, trying to will strength back into his body. He felt like his bones had turned to lead, every muscle wrapped in chains. But soon—soon, he would be back in the capital, back in a real bed, one with feather pillows and soft blankets.
Hard to believe it's over… after so long. Days for them… weeks—months, more likely—for me.
When he opened his eyes again, they were rolling into the courtyard of Crusch's manor. He wasn't sure how long he had slept, but his body still felt sluggish—less like he'd rested and more like he'd simply shut down for a while.
Groaning, Subaru pushed himself up, swinging his legs over the side of the cart. The moment his feet hit the ground, he nearly collapsed—his limbs weren't ready to hold him yet.
"Whoa, easy there," Otto appeared at his side, looping an arm around Subaru's shoulders to steady him.
"Thanks," Subaru muttered, blinking as he took in his surroundings. The courtyard was unusually chaotic—injured soldiers and mercenaries lay on makeshift cots, and healers darted between them, their hands glowing with magic.
Something was wrong.
"Where are Julius and Ferris?" Subaru asked, glancing around. "They were here when I fell asleep."
"They left only a moment ago," Otto said, keeping his grip firm. "Ferris wanted to let you rest."
"Well, I don't have time to rest," Subaru muttered. "We need to find Felt and—"
A scream tore through the air.
"Crusch!" Ferris's frantic voice followed, sending a chill down Subaru's spine.
His exhaustion vanished in an instant.
"Let's go," Subaru said, forcing his legs to move. Each step felt like wading through water, but he shoved through it, staggering toward the commotion with Otto half-dragging him.
The sight that met them made his stomach turn.
Ferris was kneeling over Crusch, his hands trembling as he peeled away hastily wrapped bandages. She looked deathly pale—her normally composed face slack, her breathing shallow. Blood soaked through the fabric, pooling around her as Ferris worked frantically.
Her arm was gone. Severed at the elbow.
"The hell?!" Subaru breathed, his stomach twisting.
"Get me her arm! Now!" Ferris shouted at the nearby soldiers, who scrambled to obey. "Don't move, my lady—I'm here, I'll take care of you."
Subaru took a step back, his heart hammering. Crusch was barely holding on—but if she was here, if she was wounded like this…
"Where's Rom?!" he blurted. Cold fear crawled up his spine.
Ferris didn't answer—too focused, too desperate to save his master.
Subaru turned and ran.
He pushed past soldiers, past cots filled with the wounded, his breath coming in ragged gasps. His vision tunneled as he scanned every face, searching—praying.
And then—
"Rom!"
The old giant lay on his back, motionless. His right leg was missing from the ankle down, thick bandages clumsily wrapped around the wound. His face was unnervingly still, his massive chest barely rising and falling.
Subaru dropped to his knees beside him, fingers shaking as he checked for a pulse.
There. Faint—but there.
"Don't worry, we're going to get you help," Subaru said quickly, his voice barely above a whisper. "Someone help! Please!" He turned, desperate for a healer.
But before he could call out again—
"Subaru?"
He looked up.
Felt was standing a few feet away, staring at him.
His stomach twisted.
Dragon no… She shouldn't see him like this—shouldn't see Rom like this.
"Felt, he's—"
Before he could finish, she rushed forward and hugged him.
He blinked, stunned.
"You made me worried sick!" Felt scolded, her grip tight. "Wilhelm told us you hadn't woken up—I've been looking for you since we got back! Then I saw Crusch like that, and—" She sighed in relief. "At least you're okay."
Subaru froze. Something was wrong.
He felt it before his brain caught up.
A cold, creeping dread.
His fingers clenched.
"Who gives a shit about me right now?"
Felt took a step back, confused. "What? I mean, I get it—Crusch is hurt, but Ferris can—"
"Fuck Crusch."
Felt flinched.
Subaru pointed to Rom. "Rom's half dead! And you're standing here worried about me?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"
She stared at him. Blankly.
"…Who's Rom?"
Subaru's breath hitched.
Everything inside him went still.
"…What?"
Felt frowned, looking at the unconscious giant beside him. "Is he someone from Arlam? You never mentioned him before."
No.
No, no, no, no, no—
"You're… you're joking," Subaru whispered, his voice barely audible.
Felt's expression didn't change. "I think I'd remember someone other than you taking care of me as a kid. Especially a guy this hard to miss."
Subaru felt lightheaded.
But… we killed the White Whale.
It should have been over.
It was over.
The Whale was dead.
But Rom—his entire existence—
Had been eaten.
We won… but did we really win?
Felt was still looking at him, confused. Her lips moved, asking something, but Subaru couldn't hear her over the ringing in his ears.
Slowly, his hands trembled as he reached for his sword.
You have to.
No…
Rom will be lost if you don't…
Subaru swallowed.
He met Felt's eyes. She looked concerned now, stepping toward him. "Subaru? What are you—Subaru, stop!"
He didn't hesitate.
The blade drove into his chest.
Pain.
Sharp. Cold.
And then—
"You made me worried sick!" Felt scolded, her grip tight. "Wilhelm told us you hadn't woken up—I've been looking for you since we got back! Then I saw Crusch like that, and—" She sighed in relief. "At least you're okay."
Subaru stood in stunned silence.
I looped.
His body felt numb.
His breathing was shallow.
I lost.
A/N: I am going to miss Rom for a while. I loved and hated writing this part, hated it because Rom is now on a shelf for a while. Loved it because... well drama. Next Chapter is 3/19/25. Reviews:
XxXxX
Anon: Will there be any romance between Subaru and felt?
Maybe, maybe not. I will say this chapter will make their dynamic change going forward, Subaru will have a lot of whiplash from how Rom's memories getting eaten will change how Felt remembers their past.
Kaidrin Uzumaki: The subtle tension between all parties mentioned, Subaru being extremely competent in a realistic and balanced way, and pacing it in a way where it feels nice and to the point? 10/10 again!
Why thank you!
Anon: THIS IS AMAZING KEEP IT UP! You portray all the characters super well.
Thank you as well!
XxXxX
See you soon!