Chapter 1: The Father
Her twins were born healthy and she had the scar on her tummy to show for it. Despite Ai and Saitou-san's best attempts to keep the birth of her baby boy and baby girl a secret, a couple of photos of her with the twins in a hospital gown were leaked online and in a matter of minutes the story broke the internet and her phone started blowing up with hundreds of notifications and private messages from multiple social media platforms.
None of the texts she received had anything nice to say about her or her twins and after scrolling through ten or twenty of these hate filled messages, she switched her phone off and focused on breastfeeding the twins. Ruby was always hungry for her mother's milk and suckled on her tits until she had her fill. Aqua was a bit shy and she had a feeling he would grow up to be the strong, silent type. Both her babies would be beautiful though, that she had no doubt. They were her kids, after all.
Ai was a mother now and she was just sixteen years old. Her career as an idol was over and Saitou-san had told her he could no longer be a part of her life. Miyako-san, his wife had given him an ultimatum and told him to cut off all ties with her, if he wanted to save their marriage and his production house. Saitou-san loved her as a father would have loved his daughter but he had to think of B-Komachi and the other girls of the idol group. He was the president of Ichigo Production, Inc. He had certain responsibilities to carry out. He had no other choice. She knew he hated what he was doing and she didn't hold it against him. He was a good person. And she was not.
Her fans had spoken up. They didn't want her. They rejected her. An idol who was a mother was unheard off. She was an anomaly, a freak of nature, a whore. She was a lot of things now. Her fans came up with thousands of new different words to tell her who she was and how she had disappointed them. They told her to kill herself. They told her to kill off her babies. They told her they would kill her and her babies.
Ai imagined the twins dead. Ruby dead. Aqua dead. She couldn't bear to live in such a world. She was a mother. The twins were hers. They were the only good thing left in this world. She was their mother yet she was unable to tell the twins that she loved them. Love. Her name, the word 'Ai' meant love. She didn't give much thought to her name. She was bad with names. Really bad. Ai's name was short, simple and sweet. She didn't hate her name. She was born with it. It was hers. Even though she couldn't feel love. Even though nobody could love her.
She wanted to love Aqua and Ruby. She really did. But she couldn't say the words. Whenever she tried, the words would get caught up in her throat. She would have trouble breathing. She would feel like she was dying. She always thought lies were an exquisite form of love. That's what she had been taught when she entered the idol business. That was indeed true she found out when she became more and more popular. Yet she couldn't lie to her kids. She couldn't lie and tell Aqua that she loved him. She couldn't lie and tell Ruby that she loved her. When she finally told them she loved her children, she wanted it to be true. She wanted to be a mother who could love her children. She wanted to be a good mother. The best mother in the world. That would be her new career, her new goal in life.
She probably shouldn't have posted that on social media. Being a mother was a full time job, that's all she said and all she got back was hate, hate and more hate. This was her reality now. She had to get used to the idea of being hated. She didn't get why she was hated though. Her fans used to love her. She was worshiped like a Goddess. So what changed? Where did all the love go? When did it transform into this burning hatred? Why did her fans want her dead? She didn't have an answer to any of these questions. Her phone stopped ringing. Nobody called her to ask how she was doing, how were the kids, what was it like to be a mother at sixteen. This is what she gets for selling lies, this is what she gets for forgetting the truth. She grew up in an orphanage. Her mother didn't love her. She had no one. Absolutely no one. She was all alone. Alone. Alone. Alone.
Ruby was crying. Ai was not alone. Ruby needed to be breastfed. Ai was okay. Aqua liked the formula and drank it from the bottle. Ai had her twins. Ai had Aqua and Ruby. She was not alone. She will never be alone. She was grateful to have them in her life. Despite everything that happened, she would not change a thing. She couldn't say the words yet but she was certain she would wake up one fine day and be able to tell her children how much she loved them. She would wait for that to come. She would wait and wait and wait some more. She was not going to be like her mother. She would be better. Aqua and Ruby deserved the best. They were her children.
Unfortunately the best of everything costs a whole lot of money. She didn't have a job. She had no career to speak of. Ruby and Aqua were just babies. They couldn't take care of themselves yet. They needed someone to feed them and change their diapers. If she went out in search for a job, she would need someone to take care of the twins.
She couldn't ask Saitou-san. She didn't want to trouble him anymore. He was in a lot of trouble as it is. The police were investigating him for the murder of a doctor in the hospital where she had delivered the twins. Ai couldn't remember the name of the doctor though. Goro something. He was killed. No wonder he didn't come to check up on her even once. He was dead. That would explain why she was rushed into the operation theatre instead of the labor room when she was about to give birth to the twins. The new doctor who was put in charge of her took one look at her, realized who she was and panicked. He didn't want a dead idol on his hand. He didn't want to be the next doctor who killed the next Michael Jackson, so despite her wishes, despite knowing it would leave a permanent scar on her tummy, he put her on the table and under the knife.
Saitou-san threatened to sue the hospital for what they did to her. It was against their express wishes, he had said. They had gone against her will and performed an invasive surgery which might have led to some severe complications and she might have ended up dead on the operating table. Ai knew Saitou-san was exaggerating a little bit. The hospital staff knew it too. They reiterated their stance that since Ai was short and petite and was expecting to deliver twins, it would have created much more problems if they had not performed the surgery. Saitou-san didn't agree with them. The scar from the surgery was etched on her tummy and it would show when she wore revealing clothes and performed on the stage. The hospital had messed up big time. They knew it. So, they switched tactics and went it with a different approach.
Her old doctor was murdered and a police investigation was launched and the hospital staff informed the police about their case. Ai had been a patient of the murdered doctor. She was a popular idol, she was sixteen and had given birth to twins. She had kept the identity of the father a secret and although, Aqua and Ruby had inherited her eyes, they both had blonde hair. Ai didn't have blonde hair. Saitou-san did. There was also the fact that the nurse taking care of her had overheard both of them discussing baby names and Saitou-san had suggested to name the kids something short and sweet and easy to remember, since Ai was so terrible with names. What had been a sweet and innocent discussion between a father figure and her surrogate daughter who had just given birth was misinterpreted and made into something which was clearly not.
Ai Hoshino was sixteen. She was a minor. She had just given birth to twins.
Ichigo Saitou was her boss. He was the president of the idol company she worked for. He had blonde hair. The twins had blonde hair. The police wanted to take him in for questioning and in the blink of an eye he became the prime suspect of the murder of a doctor, the grooming and statutory rape of a minor and the physical assault of a hospital staff.
Ai decided then and there to call her ex.
She didn't use her phone, because she knew he wouldn't pick it up. She had his number memorized though and getting to one of the hospital phones which were safe for public use was easy enough. Ai knew what she was doing would annoy her ex, make him angry even. But she didn't want Saitou-san to go to jail for something he didn't do. She also wanted to tell her ex about Ruby and Aqua. He was the father, after all. If she was so happy to be a mother, then he should be happy too, right?
Her ex was not happy. He didn't want to be a father. Ai understood. She was sixteen and if he was telling the truth, he was younger than her. Both of them were too young to start a family. She was old enough to get married, or did they change the law or something, Ai couldn't really remember. Her ex told her not to dream too much. She was sixteen. She had just given birth to his kids. They were not married. They will never get married. He didn't believe in love and she believed lies were a form of love. The two of them were not compatible. She could not be loved. He could not be loved. That's why they were able to hook up, because the two of them got each other, they understood where the other was coming from. The twins, they were hers and he had a feeling they would not grow up to be normal kids. He told her they would not be happy. He told this was just the beginning. The beginning of the end.
Ai listened to everything her ex had to say and asked him again if she could list him as the father.
Her ex said no, she could not. They had an agreement. He didn't want to be a part of the twins life. Ai couldn't love them, could never love them. She was only lying to herself because she was a professional liar. But her ex knew the truth. He would not be fooled. Her twins didn't have a father. Her twins didn't have a mother either. They just didn't know it yet. And then her ex told her he would be keeping a close watch on her and if his name ever got leaked to the press and if he was linked with her or her twins, there would be severe consequences.
Ai laughed it off. Her ex could get so dramatic sometimes. "I need a name, Miki-san. If not yours than anyone's will do. You know I'm terrible with names, right?"
"I know." Her ex said. Then the line went quiet for a while and she almost feared that he had disconnected the call. But then she heard him riffling through some pages and she couldn't help but let a smile sit on her lips. Miki-san was younger than her, but he was so mature. Instead of looking up names online on his phone, the boy was actually consulting a book.
"Hachiman Hikigaya." Her ex finally said after a beat and there was some more rustling noises as if he was chucking some paper away with some unnecessary amount of force. He was angry, she could tell. "That's the name of the father you are looking for."
"Hachiman Hikigaya…" Ai repeated the name. "Who is he?"
"A high school kid who got into a car accident." Her ex said. "I just picked his name at random from the newspaper. It must have been a slow news week if that bit of news made the headlines. People get into car crashes all the time."
Ai's eyes widened. "That's terrible! Is he okay? Is he still alive? I don't want my kids to lose their father so soon! They were just born like right now."
Her ex chuckled. "You are adorable Ai-chan. I will truly miss you when you are gone."
And then her ex disconnected the call.
What was he going on about? If he missed her why didn't he want her back in his life? Why did he didn't want to be a father to her twins? Her ex was a really weird person. His actions were so confusing sometimes. He was young and reckless and he confessed he had been a fan of hers back in the early days when B-Komachi was just starting out.
Perhaps she shouldn't have been in a relationship with a fan. It didn't matter. What's done is done. Her ex was the father. If he didn't want to be a father, that was his decision. Ai, on the other hand wanted to be a mother. She wanted the twins. Even at sixteen. That was her choice. Ai's choice.
It had a nice ring to it don't it? Perhaps she should make a song out of it someday. It would be a nice story to tell the twins when they grew up and she grew old, got married and had a real family. A family who could tell each other how much they loved one another. A mother who loved his kids and two kids who loved their mother. And there was a father, a father whom she had never meant, who wasn't really the father of the twins except on paper. Ai didn't know a thing about him, except for his name – Hachiman Hikigaya.
And he had gotten into a car crash apparently. At least according to her ex. She had never met the guy, she didn't know if he had heard of her or not, she didn't know if she was a fan of her or not, but if he had gotten into a car crash, chances are he was hurt and in a hospital somewhere. He was probably not in the same hospital as hers. That would never happen. She was out here in the middle of the sticks, away from Tokyo. He was probably in some other town or city in the country. Chances are they would never meet. He would never get to know her, he would never get to know the twins, he would never get to be a father. Still, if he was hurt and lying awake in a hospital somewhere, writhing in pain, Ai wanted to wish him a speedy recovery. And if he hadn't survived and was dead and buried somewhere in a grave, then she would send a prayer to the heavens that he not suffer anymore.
Ai had no idea what she was doing, why she was getting so emotional and overly attached to a guy she hadn't ever met, who was clearly not the father of her twins, who had never really touched her, let alone made love to her, but she was really missing this man and wanting to know him better, get close to him, live with him under one roof, raise the twins together, as mother and father, as husband and wife.
It was probably because of the pregnancy and all the hormones and the drugs in her system. Yes, it was probably all that. Nothing else, nothing else at all.