Being in your late 20's and never having had a serious relationship can be viewed two ways - either you're a player, or really sad. Ash Dennings wasn't quite sure where he stood. He liked the freedom of jumping around from man to man and having his fun, that couldn't be denied. Knowing however, that the main reason he was reluctant to settle down with anyone was because he'd eventually have to reveal it to people, that was soul destroying.
He had never introduced anyone he was dating to the gang - not on purpose, anyway. There had been the rare occasion that they had called on him or bumped into him while he was on a date or a hookup, but they had thankfully never pressed him for information. In return, he had sometimes shown them people he was due to meet with on a dating app, to seek approval he supposed. That was because not once had he ever felt his sexual preference was something that would be ridiculed by them, or cause for uproar. He still held back a little, which was practice for them pretence had had to keep up with his family.
Their tolerance for anything outside of tradition was non-existent. He still remembered the war that had erupted the day he told them he was moving out of the trailer, and not because he had got one of his own. He could hear the tears and screaming, and still had a scar from where Niall had bust his lip. It had taken months of grovelling to gain their forgiveness. Then there was the first time they had met Tommo, how suspicious his brothers had become and the growls they projected from the corner, until Tommo mentioned the girl he'd been with the night before and they relaxed. It's not that they were awful people, didn't anyone remember 'Babe'? If you raise a pig as any other animal, that's all it will ever know.
He supposed that was why he had felt naughty on finding his dessert right there in the street. When a kid eats candy without their parents knowing, it feels like a crime - but a delicious crime that you wouldn't pass on, nonetheless. It had distracted him so from his walk home from the pub, he was oblivious to having stopped dead on the pavement.
As he took in the handsome figure before him, he knew for certain he'd never seen him around here before. Firstly, because he'd have remembered a face like that. Secondly, there was some thing very different about this man - not just the sophisticated cut of his expensive clothing, but an innocent look in his eyes and a relaxed way of holding himself. No one with an ounce of sense was that at ease in Hawley. Now that he had seen him, he wanted to see more, and wondered freely what lay under the suit jacket. He found himself wanting to talk to the man.
Go on,said the voice inside him.Sure, no one can see you.
Before he knew what was happening, the street started to pass by his face and he broke his gaze to see that his feet had already begun to move. What was he doing? Was he really going to approach this stranger, at 8pm in the middle of the street, and proclaim his sexuality and desires with no thought to the risks? Even if this guy was gay, and therefore taking him for a drink wouldn't be a crime, the audacity would be. If any of the many people in the street right now heard him or noticed intention, which was likely, Niall and Mick would find out and there would be hell to pay. And then actually taking him for a drink - yes, what a brilliant idea. Let's just parade him in front of the entire town so that he wouldn't just risk the wrath of his brothers, but any other bigot that stepped out of the shadows. It simply couldn't be done, and yet his feet took no pause.
"Hi." said a smooth voice, with a smile to match. It was then that Ash noticed he had reached his destination.
"Um, yes. Hello."
"What's your name?" Okay, well one part of his worries were now alleviated.
"Umm... Ashley, Ashley is my name."
"Mark. Hey Ashley, would you like to come to my place for a drink?"
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It had been a bold move, that was for sure. Ash didn't know where Mark got his confidence from, but he supposed growing up with a family who supported him and the freedom to be himself had a huge amount to do with it. He was quickly learning that bold moves were just something to be expected these days, especially after not anticipating what happened earlier.
It had been a fairly quiet evening in the pub, thankfully. When he had gone to the toilet, he had never expected to return and find Mark at the bar, laughing with Tommo. But find him he had, and he had been surprised by his own emotional reaction to this. He felt no anger or fear at the sudden arrival, instead just a rush of excitement to see him and a warmth at the interaction he was having with his friend. Walking into a new place unprompted, introducing yourself to loved ones, and making your presence known - bold.
Watching him now, the cuffs of his shirt rolled up as he poured them both a whiskey from his home bar, Ash didn't think he had ever seen anything more attractive. He shifted in his chair to cover the rising urge to take him right there on the counter, then questioned why. This was their safe space, they could do whatever they wanted here.
He crept behind Mark and snaked an arm around his waist, grinning at the giggle this elicited. "What are you doing?" Mark asked, more encouraging than reprimanding, and Ash planted kisses along the nape of his neck. Mark sighed happily, leaning into it and reaching behind to take hold of Ash's head.
As their hips pressed together, Ash groaned. "I can't get enough of-" He was cut off, however, by Mark suddenly turning and stealing the air between them with a kiss.
What seemed a perfect moment filled with tension when Mark commanded him to wait and slipped from his grasp, disappearing into the bedroom and then returning. He leaned against the door frame with a cheeky glint in his eye, and produced handcuffs from behind his back.
"What do you say, Mr Dennings? Capture me?"
Ash glided towards him, entranced yet protective. "Are you sure?"
"Oh, I'm sure. I'm safe with you."
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"I've never felt like this before." Ash confessed, knowing it was falling on the most sensitive of ears who would guard his secret.
Dylan nodded, for what was happening around them was evidence enough of that. "I know, man. It's a good thing, y'know."
"Is it?" Ash's eyes widened. "I don't know about that. What happens when this is a big thing, and I can't hide it from my family anymore?"
"If you ask me, it's already a big thing." Dylan smirked, then corrected himself when he saw how worried his friend was. "Look mate, I know your family mean everything to you so telling you to just forget about it or sod them isn't helpful. But you also can't stop yourself from experiencing happiness. We will all work it out together, prepare properly, so that once you tell them we can keep you both safe until they come around."
Ash knew this was as close to a solution as they were going to get. As heavy as it weighed on his mind though, his spirit couldn't be dampened. Today was Tyler's 4th birthday, and watching Mark play trucks with him, Ash knew why he had never had his serious relationship before. He had been waiting for someone like this, who not only cared for and excited him but was prepared to take on his biological family, and embrace his found one. He wanted more days like this, thousands of them, to be themselves around loved ones and surrounded by happiness.
When Mark entered the kitchen, Ash took his hand and stared into his eyes. "Do you know how perfect you are? You're literally heaven."
Mark laughed, shaking his head. "Don't be daft. Are you drunk already?" Although a slight blush rose in his cheeks. "I really should be heading off."
"Oh no, please stick around. Please."
"I would, honestly. But I have work in the morning, and I already feel exhausted. The kid stole my energy" He chuckled.
Ash sulked. "Well, at least let me walk you home. So you don't have to be alone."
"Don't be silly, you stay here with your friends. It's Tyler's birthday, it's important." Mark smiled, genuinely. "This is your family. I'll see you tomorrow." With that, he placed a kiss on Ash's cheek and ran a finger down his arm, both touches burning into his skin.
As he left, Erin slid next to Ash and linked his arm, resting her head on his shoulder. "Thanks for bringing him, he was great with Tyler. You should hang onto that one, he's a charmer."
"Isn't he just." Ash grinned.
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It was almost 3am before a voice dragged Ash out of his trance that he'd maintained all night. He didn't take in much of what she said, but begged to see him and she relented, pointing the way. Ash followed her direction until he found Mark, looking so small in the bed. He found it strange that this was the thing he focused on, but he couldn't help it. He'd always been aware of their size difference, but right now he looked like a child.
The second thing he noticed was how intricately the wires and tubes danced around his frame and weaved under his skin. He thought elsewhere it may have made Mark look like a poor animal caught in barbed wire, but instead it appeared protective - almost like a magical force that was guarding him from outside dangers.
Only upon hearing a hoarsely whispered "I'm alright" did Ash see the damage that had been done. The gashes and the blood, the dressings and the bruising. He hadn't been beaten, he had been savaged. His attackers had transformed into wild animals and tried with all their might to rip him to pieces. This took the final pin out of the structure that was his determination, and Ash wept like a child.
"Hey now, enough of that. I'm the one who should be crying, they had to cut my suit off me. That was Armani." Mark smiled weakly. He shifted in the bed, and gestured for Ash to join him, who curled up next to him.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry they hurt you."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. There's loads of people who hate this out there, and honestly I've had it pretty easy going so I was probably due. The fact that it was your brothers doesn't make it any more your fault than if it were someone else."
Ash knew there was logic to what Mark was saying, but he couldn't shake an irrefutable truth - Niall and Mick would never have attacked him if it wasn't for their relationship.
Mark, misreading the silence, tried to reassure him. "It's just a few injuries. The doctors know what they are doing. I'll be right as rain, you'll see."
Ash removed himself from where he lay, stroked Mark's face and rested their foreheads together. Closing his eyes, he whispered "I'm no good for you."
"What? No, don't let them do this to you. You're brilliant and I want you."
"You're no good for me either. You're amazing and everything, absolutely everything but I can't give them up. I can't give up my family but if I were to be with you, I'd have to, you'd deserve at least that. But it's who I am and I can't throw that away."
Mark gripped Ash by the shoulders, forcing him to look at him. "No, this is who you are. You're gay, Ashley, and it doesn't matter how many people they beat up or how often they punish you, that won't change. One day you'll have to live as you are, isn't it better to do that with me?"
"I... I'm not strong enough yet. I'm so sorry. I have to keep you safe."
"But I'm safe with you!"
"No." Ash turned rigid, gulping his emotions down his throat to keep them locked away, and trying desperately not to remember the pride and trust he had felt the last time he had heard those words. "No, you're not. I will never, ever have you hurt again. So I have to leave you, because... because I love you so, so much."
He turned, deaf to Mark's pleas for him not to leave. Once in the hall and hearing a wailed "Ashley!", he bit his lip and let his eyes shed, the doomed pairing of tears and blood crashing tragically to the hospital floor.