There aren't many times in her life that Donna can remember feeling truly rattled. The first was when her best friend in elementary school moved away, the second was when her father lost all of their money, and her life got turned upside down, having to move from Cortland to Hartford, leaving everything she had ever known behind. Third was the Liberty rail case, coupled with Harvey telling her he loved her before leaving her hanging, causing her to move to Louis' desk and then there is now; watching Harvey move on with Paula.

The night he told her about their relationship had absolutely blindsided her; she had no inkling whatsoever, and she felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. His therapist, she had thought, what the fuck was he thinking? The revelation had shaken her to her core, and in the days following, she had struggled to find her bearings, which is exactly what had led her to calling Mark.

If she's really being honest, Mark Meadows is the only man who had ever held a candle to Harvey, for the most part. He was handsome, funny, sweet, kind, loyal, trustworthy and the only thing he had ever asked of her was for her to put herself first, to prioritize herself over her work; was that so wrong? He made her feel loved and he made her feel safe, so when she was searching for that, he was the one she called. Mark seemed excited to see her, and they instantly fell back into a familiar pattern, talking, smiling, flirting. But then he too pulled the rug out from under her, revealing to her that he is married.

Are you fucking kidding me? What cosmic bullshit is this?!

Once again, she had been left trying to put it out of her mind, trying to hold it together and keep up appearances; acting as though she is fine when the reality is, she's far from it. She had almost got away with it, and then she saw her in his office, putting a fucking two-month anniversary present on the desk of a man who used to mock such ridiculous celebrations.

Celebrating eight weeks together? seriously?

But it wasn't just the present. She had told her she knew the date because her coming into his life was a memorable event. What she meant was she remembered the date because it was when Harvey had lost his goddamn mind. She remembered because it was the night she felt something she thought she'd buried a long time ago, simply for her survival. It was the night her heart shattered into a thousand pieces when she realized Harvey not being ready apparently only applied to her. She told Rachel she hadn't seen it coming because she didn't want to see it coming, that she wants Harvey to be happy and always has, she just can't seem to admit that it's actually her she wants him to be happy with; rule be damned.

She'd assumed it would just be another fling, a fleeting dalliance that he'd forget about before the year was out. Yet there she was, planning a bullshit date at his favorite restaurant; a restaurant that Donna thought only she knew about. The brief interaction with Paula had left her feeling sick, the realization that Harvey had suddenly changed and become a man that she didn't recognize, a man who was slipping away, hitting her like a freight train. It had left her so shaken that for the first time ever, she questioned her moral code and actually contemplated having an affair with a married man. The overwhelming need to be desired, loved, put first for once spurring her to turn down Rachel's girl's night invitation. Rachel had proposed a night to lose her troubles and just feel good about herself, which is exactly what she needed and exactly what Mark could offer her. She had walked through the Carlyle with such determination, a desperate desire to feel something, anything, other than the crushing weight of what she has been feeling lately. But as she stood facing the door of room 508, that resolve wavered. She had knocked gently, almost as if she'd subconsciously hoped he wouldn't hear the sound, and when Rachel's texts chimed just before she came face to face with Mark, it was like being drowned in an ice bath.

You deserve the best.

Her best friend had unknowingly made her see sense and stopped her from making a huge mistake. Internally questioning what the fuck she was doing, she had barely muttered an apology and got the fuck out of there as fast as she could. Now here she is, sitting on Rachel's couch, confessing the whole mess to her and coming to the unsettling realization that maybe, just maybe, she actually regrets putting Harvey over herself for the last twelve years.

Rachel had done her best to distract her for the remainder of the evening, finishing off a second bottle of wine and filling her in on the details of the case she had with her father, but in the end, Donna just wanted to go home. It had been a rough few days and honestly, she was exhausted, and also fairly confident she could sleep for a week straight.

Bidding farewell to her best friend, she gets a cab and makes her way home, but as she exits the elevator and turns down the hallway that leads to her apartment, she notices the man sitting against the wall by her front door waiting for her.

Mark.

He stands as he notices her approaching.

"Mark, what are you doing here?" she asks.

"I needed to see you" he explains.

"It's late, Mark, I've had a long day, and you should be at home with your wife" she says, emphasizing the last word.

"I left Sarah", he replies.

"What?"

"We're getting a divorce".

"Mark, I..."

"I shouldn't have propositioned you the way I did, Donna, and I'm so sorry" he starts, "You didn't deserve that, and I was completely out of line."

"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say to that" she says, the shock evident in her face.

"You don't have to say anything" he explains, "I just wanted you to know how sorry I am, and that I think you're worth more than that"

"Thank-you, Mark".

"At lunch you told me that if things were over between me and Sarah, you'd be open to maybe starting something up again. Did you mean that?"

"I did" she says slowly, "But Mark you just split up and..."

"I know that, and I'm not asking you to rush into anything. I just wanted to let you know where I'm at".

"And where's that?"

"I've left a marriage that I was incredibly unhappy in" he says, "and I want to reconnect with a woman who meant the world to me, who I made a huge mistake walking away from, and who I've never been able to forget".

The confession floors her and Donna's breath hitches in her throat.

"Mark..."

"You don't have to give me an answer now, I know it's a lot to process" he says, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze, "But if and when you're ready, I'd really like to take you out to dinner."

Before she can respond, he has turned and started walking back up the hall.

"Mark"..." she calls out, biting her lip as she waits for him respond.

He stops and looks back at her and she plucks up the courage to continue "...How's tomorrow night?"

"Katrina, have you seen Mike?" Harvey asks as he passes by her just outside his office.

"Last I saw him; he was in the library" She answers, still reading the documents in her hand.

"He's in the file room" Rachel says, walking by them both, in the opposite direction.

Reaching the file room, he searches but still can't find the younger lawyer. He's about to call out for Mike when he hears a familiar voice.

"Louis, what is going on?" Donna says.

"What are you talking about, Donna?"

"I can tell something is wrong, and I want to know what it is"

"Donna..."

"Louis" she continues, "talk to me"

Harvey's not quite sure what it is, but something is telling him to stay. Hidden by the nearby shelves, he listens to the conversation.

Taking a big breath in, Louis sighs, "Do you remember, on the rooftop, when I told you about Sheila?"

"Yeah, that she's getting married?"

"She called me and said she wanted to be together one more time. She told me that she'd be waiting for me at the hotel room we used to meet at"

"Okay..."

"I caved, Donna. I was weak and I couldn't say no"

"Louis..."

"Don't" Louis interjects, "I don't expect you to understand"

"Louis do you remember what I said to you up there?" Donna asks, "When you told me that I didn't know what it was like to find out twice in one year that the person you thought was the love of your life doesn't want you"

"Yeah, you said I understand that more than you think and then told me about your ex who you met up with; The one who is married."

Harvey furrows his brows at what he has just heard.

"I also told you that people are more complicated than you think" she continues.

"What do you mean, Donna?"

"You weren't the only one who was propositioned."

"Your ex?" he asks.

"Mhmm, Mark" she nods, "he called after we had lunch and told me that ever since he walked away from me, he's always wondered what would have happened if we stayed together. He told me he couldn't walk away from me again and that he was going to be in the city for work over the next two nights and he gave me the details of where he'd be staying. He said he didn't know what he was going to do about his wife but that he just had to call me ...and I went to meet him. I knew he was married, and I still went.

"Really?"

Donna nods, "I was just at a really low point, and I just wanted to feel..."

"Wanted" Louis finishes for her.

"Yeah" she confirms.

"Donna, you said that you knew what it felt like to be told twice in one year ...what was the other time?"

Reading the look on her face and the lack of answer to his question, he hazards a guess, "Harvey?"

Harvey swallows the lump in his throat as he waits for her response.

"That doesn't matter, Louis. Look, my point is, I understand where you're coming from. I didn't go through with it in the end, but I almost did"

"Almost" Louis repeats, "You almost did, you didn't actually do it, Donna, I did."

"Louis..."

"I can't get her out of my head, Donna."

"Then you need to tell her that."

"She doesn't want me; she's marrying someone else" he argues.

"She wouldn't have called you if that were true".

"I just want her to be happy, even if it's not with me"

Donna chuckles in disbelief, realizing she has more in common with her friend than she thought.

"Trust me, Louis, I get it."

And she does. She really fucking does.

She pauses, watching him as he grapples with his inner conflict, "You are a good man, Louis Litt" she says, placing a soft kiss on his head before walking away.

Donna only makes it a few steps before he calls out to her again, "Donna..."

"Yeah?" she answers, turning back toward him.

"I told you once before that Harvey has no idea how lucky he is to have you in his life"

"...I remember" she says with a nod of her head.

"...I'm sorry he's still too blind to see what's right in front of him"

Me too Louis, me too.

Offering him a half smile she doesn't have it in her to respond, simply nodding in acknowledgement before walking out of the room. Louis finds the file he is looking for and exits the room soon after, leaving Harvey still standing there shocked, confused and trying to process the overload of information he just heard.

What the fuck.

That night Harvey is sitting across from Paula at a hot new restaurant downtown, one she'd recently read about, struggling to pay attention to whatever it is she was currently talking about.

He absentmindedly plays with the condensation that has formed on the outside of his beer, the drink he's opted for in lieu of a scotch.

Want me to pour us a couple drinks?

Beer because whiskey makes him think of her, and right now he is already struggling to get her out of his head. Everything he heard in the file room that morning has been playing on a loop in his mind ever since, as he tries to make some sort of sense out of it all.

what it was like to find out twice in one year that the person you thought was the love of your life doesn't want you.

your ex who you met up with ... The one who is married.

people are more complicated than you think.

you weren't the only one who was propositioned.

ever since he walked away from me, he's always wondered what would have happened if we stayed together. He told me he couldn't walk away from me again.

I was just at a really low point, and I just wanted to feel ...wanted.

...and I went to meet him. I knew he was married, and I still went.

I didn't go through with it in the end, but I almost did.

Harvey?

I just want her to be happy, even if it's not with me ... Trust me, Louis, I get it.

I'm sorry he's still too blind to see what's right in front of him.

Donna has always been his moral compass, and the revelation that she almost had an affair with her married ex knocked the wind out of him. As did finding out that she did it because she was feeling low, unwanted, unloved, and it might have been him that made her feel that way.

What the fuck.

Paula notices that he is not listening to a single word she's saying, "And then after we order dessert, I thought it'd be a good idea for me to get naked and run around the restaurant, what do you think?"

"Yeah, sure, sounds good" he says, eyes still focused on his drink.

"Harvey, you haven't listened to a word I've been saying!"

"Sorry, I'm just distracted. Rough day." he justifies.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really" he says, shutting her down instantly.

"Harvey..."

He opens his mouth to tell her to stop, but as he does, he spots them, being shown to a nearby table.

Donna and Mark.

The first thing he thinks is how gorgeous she looks, and the second is what the fuck is she doing?

Following his line of sight, Paula sees the couple he's staring at.

"Oh look, Donna's here" she says, ignoring the fact that he's clearly bothered by seeing her, "who's her date?"

"Mark Meadows" he says through gritted teeth.

"Is that her boyfriend?"

"EX boyfriend" he says, emphasizing the first part, watching as Mark pulls her chair out for her.

"Well, they certainly look cozy now. Maybe they've reunited?"

"He's married" he says, seething as he looks over at them and sees Donna's laughing, really laughing, that beautiful smile that lights up her whole face.

"Harvey, why is seeing them together bothering you so much?" Paula asks.

"Are you kidding me? I just told you; he's married."

"And Donna's a big girl. She's free to make her own decisions, which have nothing to do with you by the way."

"You know my history with infidelity, Paula."

"I do, but I don't believe that's the cause of your anger right now."

Harvey ignores her statement initially, noticing Donna making her way toward the bathroom.

"Well, it is" he says shortly, pushing his chair back from the table, "...and I have to go to the bathroom"

"Donna, what are you doing?" Harvey asks, the second she exits the bathroom.

"Harvey, what are you doing here?" she asks, surprised to see him.

"I'm here with..." he starts, unable to bring himself to say Paula's name.

Here with her, she thinks to herself.

"I'm having dinner" he continues, "...but seriously, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Excuse me?!" she replies, taken aback by his question and tone.

"You think I don't recognize Mark?" he asks, "Donna, he's married".

"Okay, first of all, how the HELL do you know that?! and second of all, you have no idea what you're talking about, Harvey"

"Donna, you can't..."

"Can't WHAT, Harvey?! Have a life? put myself first? what?" she interjects.

Before he can respond she continues, "...and not that it is ANY of your god damn business, but he isn't married anymore. They're separated."

"Donna..." he says, reaching for her arm.

"Why the hell do you even care, Harvey?" she says, yanking it away from his grip "What I do has nothing to do with you."

"Because I..." he starts before cutting himself.

"You what?" she says quickly, calling out his hesitance.

Harvey just shakes his head.

"Afraid to say it?" she challenges, "...yeah, that's not a surprise" she adds under her breath.

"You deserve better, Donna" he says quietly.

Donna can't help but chuckle in disbelief, "What I deserve is someone who isn't afraid to take a chance on me or tell me how they feel".

The way he looks at her tells her that the words have affected him more than he's trying to let on.

"Now, I need to get back to my date, Harvey" she says defiantly, "and you need get back to your girlfriend."

Pushing past the sick feeling forming in his stomach as he watches her walk back up the hall towards the main area of the restaurant, Harvey lets the anger, take over instead, balling his hand into a fist he launches it at the wall. The pain spreads through his hand and he's glad for the distraction, because for a few seconds more he doesn't need to try and make sense of what just happened.

What the fuck.